- yesterday
Comedian Chris Rock performs a live stand-up special in Baltimore, Maryland.
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup
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00:29:37more nuanced argument. The whole country is fucked up. School shootings every week. Fucking
00:29:44opioid epidemic. Abortion is illegal in most of the country. In most of the country, abortion
00:29:52is illegal. A lot of people say, Chris, you shouldn't talk about abortion. It's a woman's
00:29:58issue. Say, Chris, you shouldn't talk about abortion. It's a woman's issue. And I'm like,
00:30:06hey, I've paid for more abortions than any woman in this room. When I go to the clinic,
00:30:19I say, give me the usual. When I go in, they give me a punch card. Here you go. Two more
00:30:31and I get a free smoothie. Mango. That's right. Pro-life, pro-choice. Pro-life, pro-choice.
00:30:41What are you? What are you? I have two beautiful daughters. I have two beautiful daughters,
00:30:46right? And so there's a part of me, there's a part of me that's pro-life, okay? Because
00:30:59I'm definitely pro their lives, okay? So there's a part of me that's pro-life. But since I love
00:31:07my daughters unconditionally, I love them not just as little girls. I love them as grown women.
00:31:13I want my daughters to live in a world where they have complete control of their bodies,
00:31:19okay? Okay? And because of that, I am pro-choice. I'm absolutely pro-choice, okay? I believe women
00:31:34should have the right to kill babies. That's right. I'm on your side. I believe you should
00:31:47have the right to kill as many babies as you want. Kill them all. I don't give a fuck.
00:31:55But let's not get it twisted. It is killing a baby. Because whenever I pay for an abortion,
00:32:01I request a dead baby. Sometimes I call up the doctor like a hitman. Is it done?
00:32:11And people argue. First trimester, second trimester, first trimester, second trimester. I think
00:32:19you should be able to kill a baby. I think you should be able to kill a baby till you get that
00:32:44first report card. Whoa! He ain't never getting a scholarship. Okay, you can finish watching
00:32:54Stranger Things. But when it's over, we're going to the clinic. Hurry up. I'm trying to get a
00:33:02smoother. That's right. Pro-life, pro-choice. I'm pro-choice. I'm pro-choice. I'm pro-right choice. I'm
00:33:15pro-good choice. I'm pro-practical choice. Like, ladies. Ladies, listen. If you have to pay for your own
00:33:29abortion, you should get an abortion. Stop letting broke dicks come inside of you.
00:33:46This has been a public service announcement. I'm on your side. I'm on your side. We're trying to
00:34:02everybody care about abortion trying to save these bad ass kids. You know, whenever there's a some of
00:34:09a kid goes crazy out of school, they always say, no child, no child is born racist. No child is born
00:34:17hating. You have to teach a child to hate. All children are good. All children are born pure.
00:34:24You know, only people without kids say dumb shit like that. Kids are the meanest motherfuckers
00:34:32on the face of the earth. They're the most racist, sexist, homophobic, fatophobic will say anything to
00:34:40your face motherfuckers on earth. Okay? You realize human beings, we have the worst offspring of any
00:34:52animal. We're the only animal in the whole animal kingdom that has to raise its kids for 18 years.
00:35:0218 years. Every other animal is like two or three days. Like birds are like, I hope you can fly.
00:35:1818 years and they still bad and they still fuck up. No, kids are born good. Shut the fuck up, man.
00:35:26My oldest daughter, Lola, used to bite kids. Bite them. That's right. You'll be at a birthday party.
00:35:34Happy birthday to you. You look around, Lola them bit somebody. Now let me ask you something.
00:35:45Do you think me and her mother taught her to bite? Do you think me and her mother sharpened her teeth?
00:35:54Do you think we bought her mannequins to practice on? No, that's just who the fuck she is.
00:36:01That's just her nature. She came out the womb like Wolverine.
00:36:06I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids, but I don't like them. I don't like my kids.
00:36:13You know one of the reasons I don't like my kids? Because my kids are rich.
00:36:16My kids are rich and spoiled. I know some people are like, Chris, you rich. Yeah, I'm rich.
00:36:22But I identify as poor.
00:36:31That's right. My pronoun is broke.
00:36:36That's right, man. And my kids are spoiled. My kids are fucking spoiled.
00:36:41And I did it. Me and their mother. But I fucking did it.
00:36:46A lot of people, a lot of black people get a little money and they're like,
00:36:48I want my kids to know how it is in the hood. Not me.
00:36:52I want the exact opposite. I don't want my kids to know shit about the hood.
00:36:57I want them to be lost every time they're in the hood. Okay?
00:37:01My kids went to the best schools on earth. Okay?
00:37:05My kids speak multiple languages. Okay?
00:37:10Sometimes they curse me out. I don't even know what they talking about.
00:37:14My kids ski. They ride horses. They fence.
00:37:19I got fencing black girls.
00:37:24With afro pups.
00:37:26Talking about, touche, nigga.
00:37:31That's right. You can't fuck with the rock girls, boy.
00:37:34Them rock girls is fucking spoiled.
00:37:36I remember my youngest, Zara, when she was in kindergarten, one day the teacher said,
00:37:41Today, we're going to learn about the Four Seasons.
00:37:45And Zara said, That's my favorite hotel.
00:37:48Yeah, you ain't never seen black girls like this.
00:37:57Now, my kids are fucking spoiled.
00:38:00That's right. And I did it, man.
00:38:02When they was little kids, I used to take them to Disney a lot.
00:38:05I used to take them to Disney all the time, right?
00:38:06But I ain't take them like normal people. No.
00:38:10That's right. We went on the Illuminati package.
00:38:15That's right. We wasn't out there waiting to meet the characters like everybody else.
00:38:18We backstage chilling with the characters.
00:38:22That's right. I smoked a joint with Goofy.
00:38:27Look, and Minnie gave me a lap dance.
00:38:29I rubbed that big rat ass on me.
00:38:38That's right, man. My kids had it good.
00:38:41Had much better than me.
00:38:42Because when I was a kid, we went to Disney.
00:38:46That's right. Me, my mother, my brothers.
00:38:48We went to Disney as poor people.
00:38:51On a church trip.
00:38:55It's sad already, ain't it?
00:38:57On a church trip.
00:39:01New York to Orlando.
00:39:05In August.
00:39:07On a bus.
00:39:09With no AC.
00:39:11It was so hot, I thought we were going to see the devil.
00:39:17Took us two days to get there.
00:39:20Because the driver was selling weed on the way.
00:39:22And when we finally got there, we wasn't really there.
00:39:28Because Disney's in Orlando.
00:39:30And our hotel was in Alabama.
00:39:38And we get, we stayed in some nasty motel.
00:39:42And we had a bed that vibrates if you put a cord in it.
00:39:45We little kids, we don't know this is a nasty comed-up mattress.
00:39:51And we begging my mother, mommy, can you put another quarter in?
00:39:56And my mother's like, I'm going to put a quarter in.
00:39:59But this counts as a ride.
00:40:03God damn.
00:40:05Best time of my life.
00:40:07Now my kids, my kids, yes, they're spoiled.
00:40:11Yes, they are spoiled.
00:40:12But they get in trouble just like any other kids.
00:40:15So about three years ago, my oldest, Lola, was a senior in high school, right?
00:40:20And they went on a class trip.
00:40:23It was time for a class trip.
00:40:24Now fancy school has a fancy trip.
00:40:27So their class trip was to Portugal.
00:40:33Portugal.
00:40:33Ain't that some shit?
00:40:34Portugal.
00:40:35When I was a kid, we went to the Bronx Zoo.
00:40:40Watched a gorilla jerk off.
00:40:44And then had to write a report about it.
00:40:47He held it tightly.
00:40:52So Lola goes on a class trip.
00:40:54And she's in Portugal doing whatever Portuguese shit they do.
00:40:59And one day, Lola and four of her little white girlfriends
00:41:03decided they're bored and they're going to leave the class.
00:41:08They're going to sneak away, go to a bar, and get drunk.
00:41:12And then they tried to sneak back in.
00:41:16But of course, they got busted.
00:41:19Of course, they got busted now.
00:41:21Now these crazy rich white schools, they don't play that shit.
00:41:25You get busted, sneaking out, drinking.
00:41:27They're like, you are kicked out.
00:41:29But, but, but, this school, of course, these crazy white schools,
00:41:36got rich-ass white parents.
00:41:38And rich-ass white parents do not let their kids get kicked out of school.
00:41:43So all the parents, all these rich-ass parents, they all got lawyers.
00:41:47Even the ones that were lawyers got lawyers.
00:41:52Okay?
00:41:53And they got them good lawyers.
00:41:54They got those NFL rape lawyers.
00:42:00Like, I'm not advocating rape, but if you're ever on trial,
00:42:03that's who you want, okay?
00:42:04Either that or Robert Kardashian, right?
00:42:08And they got the good lawyers, right?
00:42:10I didn't want to get a lawyer at first.
00:42:12I didn't want to get a lawyer because I was mad at my child.
00:42:15I was mad.
00:42:16I was like, Lola, what the fuck is going on?
00:42:18First you're biting, now this shit.
00:42:20And I tried to talk to my ex-wife.
00:42:24I was like, you know what?
00:42:25Let's wait before we get a lawyer.
00:42:27Let's see how this turns out.
00:42:28Let's see how it unfolds.
00:42:30My ex-wife's like, no, fuck that.
00:42:31We're getting a lawyer, and we're going to sue this school.
00:42:34We're going to sue this dean.
00:42:35We're going to sue these teachers.
00:42:36I can't even believe they let her out of their sight.
00:42:38We are suing these people.
00:42:40And I started to argue with her,
00:42:43but the last time I argued with my ex-wife about a lawyer,
00:42:47I lost my house.
00:42:48So we got a lawyer.
00:42:52We got a lawyer.
00:42:54And I'm talking to the lawyer,
00:42:55and the lawyer's like, okay, okay, I talked to some people,
00:42:58and if you give me 10 days,
00:43:00I should be able to get her back into school.
00:43:03So Lola's home for 10 days.
00:43:05One day, I come home from work,
00:43:08and I see Lola outside just laughing
00:43:11with like three of her little white girlfriends.
00:43:13Just laughing.
00:43:14You ever just want to choke your child for smiling?
00:43:20Like, motherfucker, what you smiling about right now?
00:43:23So I walk over to Lola.
00:43:24I'm like, Lola, what's so funny?
00:43:26What is so funny?
00:43:27And Lola's like, daddy, stop it.
00:43:30You're so serious.
00:43:31I'll be back in school in no time.
00:43:33And I'm like, look at this smug motherfucker.
00:43:37And at that moment, I kind of snapped.
00:43:39And I got back in the car.
00:43:41I got back in the fucking car,
00:43:43and I drove to the school.
00:43:45I drove to the school, and I found the dean.
00:43:47I was like, hey, we need to talk.
00:43:49I know you're going through it right now.
00:43:52I know you got a lot of parents trying to sue you
00:43:54and trying to sue the school
00:43:56and trying to get you fired,
00:43:59but I need a favor.
00:44:01I need you to kick my daughter out of this school.
00:44:07I need you to kick her black ass out of this school.
00:44:12I need my black child to learn her lesson right now
00:44:17before she ends up on OnlyFans or some shit.
00:44:22Please kick my child out of fucking school.
00:44:26And they kicked out.
00:44:28They kicked them all out,
00:44:29but they kicked my child out first.
00:44:31Okay?
00:44:32Because I'm a celebrity.
00:44:35And I went home,
00:44:36act like I didn't know what was about to happen.
00:44:39The phone rang.
00:44:40I'm like, Lola, you should get that.
00:44:42I act like I ain't no shit.
00:44:48And Lola got the phone,
00:44:49and they gave her the news.
00:44:51And then Lola comes in all sad.
00:44:53Daddy, they kicked me out of school.
00:44:56And I was like,
00:44:57I told you them crackers is mean, Lola.
00:45:00I told you about them crackers.
00:45:02And to this day,
00:45:04Lola has no idea had anything to do with that shit.
00:45:07And a mother has no idea had anything to do with that shit.
00:45:11And the lawyer has no idea.
00:45:13And they won't find out
00:45:14till they see this shit on Netflix.
00:45:16But here's the amazing thing.
00:45:28Here's a beautiful thing that happened.
00:45:30Here's the beautiful thing.
00:45:31It worked.
00:45:32The whole thing humbled Lola.
00:45:35My God.
00:45:36Because Lola got kicked out of school for real.
00:45:38So she had to apply to another high school.
00:45:41And she had to write essays
00:45:42explaining why she got kicked out
00:45:44and why it would never happen again.
00:45:46And when it was time for her to apply for college,
00:45:49she had to write why she got kicked out of high school
00:45:51and why it would never happen again.
00:45:53And now, three years later,
00:45:56my daughter Lola is one of the coolest people I have ever met.
00:45:59She is so amazing.
00:46:02Lola Rock is amazing.
00:46:05My daughter Lola goes to culinary school in Paris.
00:46:12Yeah.
00:46:14Culinary school.
00:46:16Touché, nigga.
00:46:17Touché.
00:46:19Culinary school in Paris.
00:46:22Crass.
00:46:23That's right.
00:46:23My greatest achievement, man.
00:46:25I mean, let's just think about it.
00:46:27Let's think about it for a second.
00:46:28Let's just think about it.
00:46:29My mother was born in 1945.
00:46:35My mother was born in 1945
00:46:36in a little town called Georgetown, South Carolina.
00:46:39Right?
00:46:40And my mother told me
00:46:41when she was a little girl,
00:46:43it was against the law
00:46:45for a black person to go to a white dentist.
00:46:50Against the law for a black person
00:46:52to go to a white dentist, right?
00:46:54And if you were a little child
00:46:56and you needed your teeth taken out
00:46:58like all children do,
00:47:00if you were a little black child
00:47:01and you needed your teeth taken out
00:47:03and you couldn't find a black dentist,
00:47:06you had to go to a vet.
00:47:10Yeah, motherfucker.
00:47:12A vet in America.
00:47:14I'm talking about my mother.
00:47:16I'm not talking about Harriet Tubman.
00:47:17I'm talking about my mother.
00:47:20Shit, she's sitting over there, okay?
00:47:22My mother went to a vet, okay?
00:47:27Went to a vet.
00:47:28And think about it.
00:47:30This same woman that had to go through the indignity
00:47:33of getting her teeth taken out by a fucking vet.
00:47:37The same woman now, twice a year,
00:47:41gets on a plane, flies to Paris,
00:47:45and has coffee with her granddaughter
00:47:48who is going to culinary school.
00:47:52Touché, nigga, touché.
00:47:56Okay?
00:47:57And Lola and my mother,
00:48:00my mother sits her down
00:48:01and tells her about her life,
00:48:03and then Lola bites her.
00:48:05Yes.
00:48:10Touché, nigga, touché.
00:48:12Oh, my life is good.
00:48:14I cannot complain, man.
00:48:15Cannot complain.
00:48:17You know, I got some bullshit going on,
00:48:19but it's going good.
00:48:20I'm single.
00:48:22I'm single.
00:48:23Have been single a long time.
00:48:25I was married for a long time,
00:48:27and I was dating somebody for a while,
00:48:29and now I'm single.
00:48:30Here's the crazy thing.
00:48:32You don't even realize
00:48:34all the amazing little things
00:48:36a woman does for you
00:48:37until you don't have one.
00:48:41You don't even realize it.
00:48:42Women do so many things
00:48:45that you don't even realize.
00:48:46Like the other night,
00:48:47I'm trying to get some sleep.
00:48:49Trying to sleep.
00:48:50Couldn't sleep.
00:48:50Trying to sleep.
00:48:51Couldn't sleep.
00:48:53And suddenly it dawned on me.
00:48:54I was like,
00:48:56this pillowcase is filthy.
00:49:04Are we supposed to change this?
00:49:07I flipped it over.
00:49:09It was black and greasy.
00:49:11I was like,
00:49:12did Draymond Green sleep on this pillowcase?
00:49:15That shit was black, man.
00:49:18Trying to date.
00:49:19Trying to fucking date.
00:49:20It's hard.
00:49:21Because on one hand,
00:49:23you know,
00:49:23I'm lovey.
00:49:24I want a real relationship.
00:49:26I want a Sunday kind of love.
00:49:29And the other time,
00:49:30on the other hand,
00:49:30I'm just a hoe.
00:49:32I'm just bad.
00:49:33I'm like,
00:49:34ah, fuck all this shit.
00:49:35Like, I'm all fucked up.
00:49:37We all got that.
00:49:37Like, ladies,
00:49:38I will lick your ass.
00:49:41And never call you again.
00:49:45But if we hold hands,
00:49:47you my girl.
00:49:49Why is that?
00:49:53Why is holding,
00:49:54why is holding hands
00:49:55more intimate than licking ass?
00:49:58That don't make no sense.
00:50:01I'm doing a Netflix special tonight.
00:50:03I'm making a ton of money.
00:50:04I might lick somebody's ass tonight.
00:50:06But I know
00:50:07I ain't holding nobody's hand.
00:50:11I know that shit.
00:50:14I can't tell you every woman I fuck,
00:50:16but I know every hand I ever have.
00:50:19I'm trying to date.
00:50:22Trying to date.
00:50:23Trying to date women my age,
00:50:25which is
00:50:2610 to 15 years younger than me.
00:50:31Don't hate the player.
00:50:33Hate the game.
00:50:35Right.
00:50:36I didn't get rich
00:50:37and stay in shape
00:50:38to talk about Anita Baker.
00:50:46I'm trying to fuck Doja Cat.
00:50:49I'm trying to talk about it.
00:50:53Ha ha ha.
00:50:54Ha ha ha.
00:50:55Ha ha ha.
00:50:57Yeah, nigga, yeah.
00:51:00Nah, man.
00:51:01A lot of people think
00:51:02men date younger women
00:51:04because they're younger.
00:51:05No.
00:51:06Not at all.
00:51:07Men do not date younger women
00:51:08because they're younger.
00:51:10Men date younger women
00:51:11because they're less expensive
00:51:15to date.
00:51:17That is what it all boils down to.
00:51:19See, you go out with a 25-year-old.
00:51:22She just wants a pair of shoes.
00:51:24I saw these shoes.
00:51:25Can I get these shoes?
00:51:27I saw these shoes.
00:51:28Can I get these shoes?
00:51:29I really like these shoes.
00:51:31Can I get these shoes?
00:51:33Can I send you the link?
00:51:35Can I send you the link?
00:51:37I want to get these shoes.
00:51:39Can I get these shoes?
00:51:41You can Venmo me.
00:51:43That's the app
00:51:43I put on your phone
00:51:44three weeks ago.
00:51:46Can I get these shoes?
00:51:48And if you're lucky,
00:51:49your 25-year-old
00:51:50will model those shoes for you.
00:51:53That's right.
00:51:53You go,
00:51:53fuck it, bitch.
00:51:54Get the shoes.
00:51:55And if you're lucky,
00:51:56she will model them for you
00:51:57naked.
00:51:58And she's like,
00:51:59you like your shoes, daddy?
00:52:00You like your shoes?
00:52:01You like your shoes, daddy?
00:52:02You like your shoes?
00:52:04And everybody's happy
00:52:06for the price
00:52:08of a pair of shoes.
00:52:10That's what it's like
00:52:11to date a 25-year-old.
00:52:13You go out with a 45-50,
00:52:16they want more than shoes.
00:52:21You go out with a 45-50-year-old,
00:52:23she's like,
00:52:24can you help me
00:52:26fix my roof?
00:52:33God damn!
00:52:35That ain't sexy at all!
00:52:39Well, I gotta get estimates
00:52:41for this pussy?
00:52:45I gotta see contractors
00:52:46for this pussy?
00:52:47God damn!
00:52:50You go out with a 45-50-year-old,
00:52:52they got a house
00:52:53that's falling apart,
00:52:54they're like,
00:52:55you know anybody
00:52:55with a snake?
00:52:58A snake?
00:53:00You don't want
00:53:01my dick to ever get hard.
00:53:05You go out with a 45-50-year-old,
00:53:07they always got a car
00:53:08that's falling apart.
00:53:10Car's a piece of shit.
00:53:12They always got
00:53:13the worst version
00:53:15of a good car.
00:53:16car.
00:53:16The car got a good name,
00:53:19but they got the worst version
00:53:21they ever made,
00:53:23like a Mercedes 308.
00:53:25What the fuck's a 308?
00:53:29Four-cylinder
00:53:30and you roll the window down?
00:53:33Who saw you this shit?
00:53:35They got a Tesla
00:53:37that takes gas.
00:53:41You're like,
00:53:42who saw you this shit?
00:53:45What the fuck?
00:53:46Ah, man.
00:53:48But the pussy good.
00:53:49Pussy.
00:53:50That 45-50-year-old pussy,
00:53:52it's good.
00:53:53That's right,
00:53:53it simmered longer.
00:53:55It's been on the pot
00:53:56a little longer.
00:53:59That's right,
00:53:59that 45-50-year-old pussy
00:54:01is like spaghetti.
00:54:04It's better the next day.
00:54:06It really is.
00:54:10It really is.
00:54:11Woo!
00:54:12It really fucking is.
00:54:14And they always got
00:54:15a fucked up car
00:54:16and you get that good pussy,
00:54:18you get that good
00:54:1945-50-year-old pussy,
00:54:20you think you're
00:54:21leaving the house,
00:54:21okay, I'll see you later.
00:54:22And then she's like,
00:54:23no, no, no, no, no.
00:54:24I need a favor.
00:54:27Can you come with me
00:54:28to the mechanic
00:54:29to pick up my car?
00:54:32I really need you to come
00:54:33because if I go by myself,
00:54:33they're going to take advantage.
00:54:36So now you got to go with her
00:54:38to pick up her car.
00:54:40You don't even know
00:54:40what's wrong with the car.
00:54:42But you got to go.
00:54:44And you just stand in there
00:54:45like some sort of
00:54:46sexual scarecrow.
00:54:54And the mechanic's like,
00:54:56that's $500.
00:54:57And you're like,
00:54:59rah!
00:55:05And then the mechanic
00:55:06says,
00:55:06okay,
00:55:07$450.
00:55:09And then she goes,
00:55:11I only got $35.
00:55:14Bitch!
00:55:15You fucking played me!
00:55:17I just got your room fixed!
00:55:21They say women have all,
00:55:23they say men
00:55:24have all the power.
00:55:25They say men
00:55:25have all the power.
00:55:27But we don't.
00:55:28We don't have all the power.
00:55:30Women have the power.
00:55:32You got all the fucking power.
00:55:35That's right.
00:55:36Because there's nothing
00:55:37more powerful
00:55:38than female beauty.
00:55:42Nothing more powerful.
00:55:44That's right.
00:55:45A beautiful woman
00:55:46can stop traffic.
00:55:48There's nothing
00:55:49about a man
00:55:50that can stop traffic.
00:55:53That's right.
00:55:54You could be a dead man
00:55:55on the highway
00:55:56with your dick out.
00:55:59And they will drive
00:56:00around your dead ass.
00:56:04There's nothing
00:56:05more powerful
00:56:08than female beauty.
00:56:10You call it female beauty?
00:56:12You can call it pussy.
00:56:14Call it whatever you want, man.
00:56:16Shit,
00:56:16I've been,
00:56:17I've been working.
00:56:18I've been working
00:56:19since I was
00:56:20seven years old.
00:56:21Been working
00:56:22for almost 50 years.
00:56:23Seven years old.
00:56:24You just sweep up
00:56:25at a supermarket.
00:56:27I've been working
00:56:27since I was
00:56:28seven years old.
00:56:30And I have made
00:56:31millions of dollars.
00:56:33Okay?
00:56:35And every dime
00:56:36I have ever made,
00:56:39I have spent it
00:56:41on pussy.
00:56:45Every fucking cent.
00:56:48Either pussy
00:56:49or pussy adjacent.
00:56:50Every fucking dime.
00:56:55Getting the pussy
00:56:56hair done.
00:56:57Getting the pussy
00:56:58taxes done.
00:56:59Getting the pussy's
00:57:00son in the camp.
00:57:02Getting the pussy's
00:57:02tooth fixed.
00:57:04Getting the pussy's
00:57:05driveway done.
00:57:07Getting the pussy's
00:57:07mama some life insurance.
00:57:10Getting the pussy
00:57:10bunion surgery.
00:57:12I've paid more
00:57:14college loans off
00:57:15than Joe Biden.
00:57:17Motherfucker!
00:57:26Spent all my money
00:57:27on pussy.
00:57:28And if I had a chance
00:57:29to do it again,
00:57:30I'd spend it
00:57:30on pussy again.
00:57:33They say
00:57:34men have all
00:57:35the advantages.
00:57:36No, we don't.
00:57:38That's right, man.
00:57:39Women,
00:57:40you got all the advantages.
00:57:42You ever notice
00:57:42how you can tell
00:57:43what kind of
00:57:45neighborhood you're in?
00:57:47Just by who's
00:57:48not working?
00:57:52Think about it
00:57:53for one second.
00:57:53You can tell
00:57:54what kind of
00:57:54neighborhood you're in
00:57:55just by who's
00:57:56not working.
00:57:58If you're in
00:57:59any neighborhood
00:58:00in America
00:58:01at 12.15
00:58:03in the afternoon
00:58:04on a Wednesday
00:58:05and you see
00:58:06women
00:58:07with sweatpants
00:58:09soul,
00:58:09coming out
00:58:11the gym,
00:58:12pushing babies,
00:58:13riding bikes,
00:58:15that's right,
00:58:16having brunch,
00:58:18going to soul cycle,
00:58:19chances are
00:58:22you're in a nice
00:58:23neighborhood.
00:58:24There's probably
00:58:25a Whole Foods
00:58:26nearby.
00:58:28That's right.
00:58:29Wherever women
00:58:30ain't working
00:58:30is an amazing
00:58:31place to live.
00:58:33That's where
00:58:33I want to live.
00:58:34I want to live
00:58:35in a place
00:58:35where women
00:58:36are voluntarily
00:58:37not working.
00:58:39That is where
00:58:39I want to live.
00:58:40Now,
00:58:41let's switch it up.
00:58:42If you're in
00:58:43any neighborhood
00:58:44in America
00:58:45at 12.15
00:58:47in the afternoon
00:58:48on a Wednesday
00:58:49and you see
00:58:50men
00:58:51in sweatpants
00:58:54smoking cigarettes
00:58:56hanging with
00:58:58their boys
00:58:58lifting weights
00:59:00in the yard
00:59:01riding children's
00:59:03bicycles
00:59:04as their
00:59:06actual
00:59:07transportation
00:59:08then you
00:59:10are in
00:59:10danger.
00:59:15Whatever
00:59:16men don't
00:59:17work is
00:59:18fucking
00:59:18dangerous.
00:59:19That's right.
00:59:20That's right.
00:59:21That's right.
00:59:22Women have
00:59:22all the power.
00:59:23Shit.
00:59:24My ex-wife
00:59:25is the smartest
00:59:25woman I know.
00:59:27She got
00:59:27just as much
00:59:28money as me.
00:59:30Ain't funny
00:59:31at all.
00:59:38God bless her.
00:59:39God bless her.
00:59:40Nothing
00:59:41more powerful
00:59:42than female
00:59:43beauty.
00:59:43Nothing.
00:59:44Just look at
00:59:45Beyonce.
00:59:46Beyonce.
00:59:48Can't wait
00:59:49for that tour.
00:59:51That's right
00:59:52man.
00:59:52Beyonce.
00:59:53I know
00:59:53she talented.
00:59:54She is so
00:59:54talented.
00:59:55She's extremely
00:59:56talented.
00:59:58But even
00:59:58with all
00:59:59that talent
01:00:00ain't nothing
01:00:01more powerful
01:00:02than the beauty.
01:00:04Beyonce
01:00:04is one of
01:00:05the finest
01:00:05motherfuckers
01:00:06I have
01:00:07ever seen.
01:00:10Beyonce
01:00:10is fine
01:00:12motherfucking
01:00:12shit.
01:00:13Beyonce
01:00:14is so fine
01:00:15that if
01:00:17she worked
01:00:17at Burger
01:00:18King
01:00:19she could
01:00:21still marry
01:00:22Jay-Z.
01:00:24That's how
01:00:25fine she is.
01:00:27She could
01:00:27still get
01:00:28her a
01:00:28billionaire
01:00:29great
01:00:30rapping
01:00:30fucking
01:00:31businessman.
01:00:32She is so
01:00:33fine
01:00:33that if
01:00:34she worked
01:00:34at Burger
01:00:35King
01:00:36she could
01:00:37still
01:00:37marry
01:00:38Jay-Z.
01:00:38now if
01:00:40Jay-Z
01:00:41worked at
01:00:42Burger
01:00:42again
01:00:42no no no
01:00:49women got
01:00:50the power
01:00:50and by the
01:00:50way
01:00:51that is
01:00:51not a
01:00:52Jay-Z
01:00:52diss
01:00:53I do
01:00:54not need
01:00:55another
01:00:55rapper
01:00:56mad at
01:00:56me
01:00:56okay
01:00:57I don't
01:00:58need it
01:00:59I don't
01:01:00need that
01:01:01smoke
01:01:01I'm like
01:01:02the rock
01:01:03the rock
01:01:04I do
01:01:05not
01:01:05need to
01:01:06smoke
01:01:06y'all know
01:01:06what happened
01:01:07to me
01:01:07getting smacked
01:01:08by Suge
01:01:09Smith
01:01:10everybody
01:01:14knows
01:01:15everybody
01:01:17fucking
01:01:18knows
01:01:18yes
01:01:19it happened
01:01:20I got
01:01:20smacked
01:01:21like a
01:01:21year ago
01:01:22fucking
01:01:23last week
01:01:23I got
01:01:24smacked
01:01:24at the
01:01:25fucking
01:01:25Oscars
01:01:26by this
01:01:26motherfucker
01:01:27and people
01:01:28like
01:01:28did it
01:01:28hurt
01:01:28it
01:01:29still
01:01:30hurts
01:01:30I got
01:01:32summertime
01:01:33ringing
01:01:33to my
01:01:34ears
01:01:34fucking
01:01:40drums
01:01:41please
01:01:42but I'm
01:01:44not a
01:01:44victim
01:01:45baby
01:01:45you will
01:01:45never
01:01:46see me
01:01:46on
01:01:46Oprah
01:01:47or
01:01:47Gayle
01:01:48crying
01:01:49you'll
01:01:51never
01:01:51see it
01:01:52never
01:01:53gonna
01:01:54happen
01:01:54I couldn't
01:01:56believe it
01:01:56and I love
01:01:57men in
01:01:58black
01:01:58no
01:01:58it's
01:02:00never
01:02:01gonna
01:02:02happen
01:02:03no
01:02:03fuck
01:02:04that
01:02:04shit
01:02:04I took
01:02:05that
01:02:05hit
01:02:05like
01:02:05Pacquiao
01:02:06motherfucker
01:02:06I took
01:02:11it like
01:02:12motherfucking
01:02:13Pacquiao
01:02:14okay
01:02:15shit
01:02:16man
01:02:17did it
01:02:18hurt
01:02:18yeah
01:02:19motherfucking
01:02:19hurt
01:02:20and people
01:02:21are like
01:02:21well you guys
01:02:22are fighting
01:02:22all the time
01:02:23we're not
01:02:23fighting
01:02:23first of all
01:02:24I know you
01:02:25can't tell
01:02:25on camera
01:02:26Will Smith
01:02:27is significantly
01:02:28bigger than me
01:02:29we are not
01:02:31the same size
01:02:32okay
01:02:33we are not
01:02:34this guy
01:02:35Will Smith
01:02:36does movies
01:02:36with his shirt
01:02:37off
01:02:37you've never
01:02:39seen me do a
01:02:40movie with
01:02:40my shirt
01:02:41off
01:02:41if I'm in a
01:02:44movie getting
01:02:45open heart
01:02:45surgery
01:02:46I got on a
01:02:47sweater
01:02:48Will Smith
01:02:54played
01:02:54Muhammad Ali
01:02:55in a movie
01:02:57you think
01:02:58I auditioned
01:02:58for that part
01:02:59he played
01:03:01Muhammad Ali
01:03:01I played
01:03:02Pookie
01:03:02in New
01:03:03Jack City
01:03:03Pookie
01:03:13motherfucker
01:03:14I played
01:03:14a piece
01:03:15of corn
01:03:15in
01:03:16Poudite
01:03:16even in
01:03:19animation
01:03:20this
01:03:20motherfucker
01:03:20is bigger
01:03:21I'm a
01:03:22zebra
01:03:22he's a
01:03:22shark
01:03:23what the
01:03:25fuck
01:03:25man
01:03:25but
01:03:26but
01:03:27Will Smith
01:03:29practices
01:03:31selective
01:03:32outrage
01:03:34practices
01:03:36selective
01:03:38outrage
01:03:40cause everybody
01:03:40knows what
01:03:41the fuck
01:03:41happened
01:03:42everybody
01:03:42that really
01:03:43knows
01:03:43knows
01:03:44I had
01:03:44nothing to
01:03:45do with
01:03:45that shit
01:03:45I didn't
01:03:46have any
01:03:47entanglements
01:03:48I did
01:03:54not have
01:03:57any
01:03:57entanglement
01:03:58for people
01:03:59that don't
01:03:59know
01:03:59what
01:03:59everybody
01:04:00knows
01:04:00his wife
01:04:02was
01:04:02fucking
01:04:03her son's
01:04:04friend
01:04:04okay
01:04:05now
01:04:06I normally
01:04:08would not
01:04:08talk about
01:04:09this shit
01:04:10but
01:04:11but for
01:04:11some reason
01:04:12these
01:04:12niggas
01:04:12put that
01:04:13shit
01:04:13on the
01:04:13internet
01:04:14I have
01:04:16no idea
01:04:16why two
01:04:17talented
01:04:18people would
01:04:18do something
01:04:19that
01:04:19fucking
01:04:20low down
01:04:21what the
01:04:21fuck
01:04:22we all been
01:04:23cheated on
01:04:24everybody in here
01:04:25been cheated on
01:04:26none of us
01:04:27have ever been
01:04:28interviewed
01:04:29by the person
01:04:30that cheated on us
01:04:31on television
01:04:33none of us
01:04:35they're like
01:04:36hey I was
01:04:36sucking somebody
01:04:37else's dick
01:04:38how did that
01:04:38make you feel
01:04:39why the
01:04:50fuck
01:04:51would you
01:04:51do that
01:04:52shit
01:04:52she hurt
01:04:54him way
01:04:55more than
01:04:55he hurt
01:04:56me
01:04:56okay
01:04:56okay
01:04:58and
01:04:58by the way
01:04:59he does
01:05:00that shit
01:05:00everybody
01:05:01in the
01:05:02world
01:05:03called him
01:05:04a bitch
01:05:04I tried
01:05:05to call
01:05:05the motherfucker
01:05:06and give him
01:05:06my condolences
01:05:07he ain't
01:05:07pick up
01:05:08for me
01:05:08everybody
01:05:09called that
01:05:11man a
01:05:11bitch
01:05:12fucking
01:05:13Charlemagne
01:05:15called him
01:05:15a bitch
01:05:16the breakfast
01:05:17club
01:05:17called him
01:05:18a bitch
01:05:18and the view
01:05:19and the talk
01:05:21and every
01:05:21rapper
01:05:22and the drink
01:05:24champs
01:05:24called him
01:05:25a fucking
01:05:25bitch
01:05:26everybody
01:05:27called him
01:05:28a bitch
01:05:29they called
01:05:29his wife
01:05:30a predator
01:05:30everybody
01:05:31called him
01:05:31a bitch
01:05:32everybody
01:05:37and who's
01:05:41he hit
01:05:42me
01:05:42a nigga
01:05:46he knows
01:05:47he can beat
01:05:48that is
01:05:48some
01:05:48bitch
01:05:49ass
01:05:49shit
01:05:50that's
01:05:57what the fuck
01:05:58happened
01:05:58okay
01:05:59the fuck
01:06:00out of here
01:06:01man
01:06:02the fuck
01:06:03what the fuck
01:06:04I do nothing
01:06:05to this motherfucker
01:06:06okay
01:06:07whatever
01:06:08years ago
01:06:08his wife said
01:06:09I should
01:06:10quit the Oscars
01:06:11I shouldn't host
01:06:12she fucking
01:06:14said he should
01:06:15quit
01:06:15because
01:06:16Will didn't
01:06:17get nominated
01:06:17for concussion
01:06:18what the fuck
01:06:19what the fuck
01:06:20so then I do
01:06:21some jokes
01:06:22about her
01:06:22who gives
01:06:22a fuck
01:06:23that's how
01:06:23it is
01:06:24she started
01:06:24I finish
01:06:25it
01:06:25okay
01:06:26that's
01:06:27what the
01:06:27fuck
01:06:27happened
01:06:28nobody's
01:06:29picking
01:06:29on this
01:06:29bitch
01:06:30she started
01:06:31this shit
01:06:32nobody
01:06:34was picking
01:06:35on her
01:06:35nobody
01:06:38was picking
01:06:39on her
01:06:40she said
01:06:41me
01:06:42a fucking
01:06:42grown ass
01:06:43man
01:06:43should quit
01:06:44his job
01:06:44because her
01:06:45husband
01:06:45didn't get
01:06:46nominated
01:06:46for concussion
01:06:47and then this
01:06:48nigga gives
01:06:49me a fucking
01:06:50concussion
01:06:50okay
01:06:50what the
01:06:52fuck
01:06:53man
01:06:53I love
01:06:55Will Smith
01:06:55my whole
01:06:56life
01:06:57I love
01:06:57this nigga
01:06:57I saw him
01:06:58open up
01:06:58for Run
01:06:59DMC
01:06:59at the
01:07:00Nassau
01:07:00Coliseum
01:07:01these niggas
01:07:02made brand
01:07:03new funk
01:07:03I love
01:07:05this nigga
01:07:06he made
01:07:06some great
01:07:07movies
01:07:07I have
01:07:08rooted
01:07:08for Will
01:07:09Smith
01:07:09my whole
01:07:10life
01:07:11I root
01:07:12for this
01:07:12motherfucker
01:07:13okay
01:07:13and now
01:07:14I watch
01:07:16Emancipation
01:07:17just to see
01:07:18him get
01:07:18whooped
01:07:18got me
01:07:23rooting
01:07:23for Massa
01:07:24okay
01:07:25hit him
01:07:26again
01:07:27Massa
01:07:27hit him
01:07:28again
01:07:29you missed
01:07:31the spot
01:07:32Massa
01:07:32you missed
01:07:34the spot
01:07:34a lot
01:07:37of people
01:07:37go Chris
01:07:38how come
01:07:38you didn't
01:07:39do nothing
01:07:39back
01:07:39how come
01:07:40you didn't
01:07:41do nothing
01:07:41back that
01:07:42night
01:07:42because I
01:07:43got parents
01:07:44that's why
01:07:45because I
01:07:46was raised
01:07:46okay
01:07:48I got
01:07:51parents
01:07:52and you
01:07:54know what
01:07:54my parents
01:07:54taught me
01:07:55don't fight
01:07:56in front
01:07:57of white
01:07:57people
01:07:58come
01:08:11let's go
Recommended
7:33
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