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  • 7/7/2025

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00:02:01Yes!
00:02:03Nighttime.
00:02:04So, now I'm going to wake up my flatmates.
00:02:09I really love living in a flatting situation.
00:02:11Wake up! Wake up everyone!
00:02:14I like to hang out with other vampires.
00:02:18I like to accompany.
00:02:21Awaken! Awakey, wakey!
00:02:25I just really like having a good time with my friends.
00:02:29Beacon. Hi. Hey, Beacon.
00:02:34How was your night last night?
00:02:37I transformed into a dog and had sex.
00:02:41Cool!
00:02:42We're going to have a little flat meeting in the kitchen in about 15 minutes.
00:02:46Okay?
00:02:47Okay.
00:02:48Okay.
00:02:49Should I close this?
00:02:50Yes.
00:02:51I'm sorry.
00:02:52I'm sorry.
00:02:53What?
00:02:54Hey.
00:02:55What time is it?
00:02:56Um, we're going to have a flat meeting in about 10 minutes.
00:03:0820.
00:03:09Okay.
00:03:10Is it...
00:03:11So, uh, in Peter's room, I'm just going to wake him up.
00:03:30Peter...
00:03:47Peter, I can't...
00:03:58Hey, listen, we're just having a flat meeting upstairs in about 10 minutes.
00:04:05You don't have to come, but I thought I'd extend an invitation to you, just in case.
00:04:12There's a lot of stuff on the floor down here, Peter.
00:04:16Like this thing, I don't know.
00:04:18Oh, it's a spinal column, yeah.
00:04:21And I was thinking maybe I should just bring a broom down here for you
00:04:25if you wanted to sweep up some of the skeletons.
00:04:28I don't know. You know it, maybe.
00:04:32Okay.
00:04:35I got you this chicken.
00:04:41Is Peter coming? Shall we be great?
00:04:43Peter is 8,000 years old. We're not going to have Peter at the meeting.
00:04:48Okay, so I wanted to have a quick chat about flat responsibilities
00:04:52because, guys, I think that we're not all pulling our weight here.
00:04:57We're not just pointing the finger at you, Deacon.
00:05:00You're a cool guy, but you're not pulling your weight in the flat.
00:05:04Oh, I'm glad to hear that I'm cool.
00:05:07No, that's not the point, though.
00:05:08Yeah, no, I know.
00:05:09Not the flat meeting about how cool you are.
00:05:12I do my flat chores.
00:05:13No, you don't.
00:05:13No, you don't. Just why we're having the flat meeting.
00:05:16The point is, Deacon, that you have not done the dishes for five years.
00:05:20Vladislav is right.
00:05:21It's unacceptable to have so many bloody dishes all over this bench like this.
00:05:25I'm so embarrassed when people come over here.
00:05:27What does it matter?
00:05:28You bring them over, you kill them.
00:05:30Vampires don't do dishes.
00:05:32Deacon's like the rebellious young vampire.
00:05:36He's always doing crazy things, saying crazy things.
00:05:40He's just like the young bad boy of the group.
00:05:44Okay, so...
00:05:46One day I was...
00:05:49selling my wares.
00:05:51And I walked past this old creepy castle.
00:05:54And I look at it and think...
00:05:57very old and creepy.
00:05:58And then this creature flies at me.
00:06:03It dragged me back to this dark dungeon.
00:06:06And bit into my neck.
00:06:09And just at the point of death,
00:06:11this creature forced me to suck its foul blood.
00:06:16And then it opened its wings like this.
00:06:20And hovered above me.
00:06:22Screeching.
00:06:23Ah!
00:06:24Ha ha ha!
00:06:25Now you are vampire.
00:06:28And it was Peter.
00:06:33And we're still friends today.
00:06:35Vlad, you were great.
00:06:36You put out the recycling,
00:06:38which was really cool.
00:06:40And the other day,
00:06:42I dragged the man's body down the hallway
00:06:44and noticed that there was no dust.
00:06:49Like I kind of swept the hallway.
00:06:51Vladislav is just like this older vampire
00:06:54who grew up in the medieval times
00:06:57and, you know,
00:06:59to be living this long
00:07:00and to see the things that he's seen.
00:07:03And still like kind of have it together.
00:07:06Ah!
00:07:07I mean, hats off to him.
00:07:08Vlad, help!
00:07:11Sorry!
00:07:12He's a really great guy.
00:07:14A bit of a pervert.
00:07:15He has some pretty old ideas about things.
00:07:19But we should get some slaves.
00:07:22Yes.
00:07:22When I first became a vampire,
00:07:25I was quite tyrannical.
00:07:27I was known for torturing a lot of people.
00:07:31This is my torture chamber.
00:07:37I don't come in here often anymore.
00:07:41I tended to torture when I was in a bad place.
00:07:45My thing was I would poke someone with implements.
00:07:50I was known as Vladislav the Poker.
00:07:55It's been like this the whole time.
00:07:57Okay, so...
00:07:58Viago is a little pedantic.
00:08:01The washing and the rubbish.
00:08:03I did that deacon on dishes
00:08:05and it still hasn't moved in five years.
00:08:07He was an 18th century dandy,
00:08:10so he can be very fussy.
00:08:13You nag the nags.
00:08:14I went in the lounge the other day
00:08:15and there was blood all over my nice antique couch.
00:08:20Which one? The red one?
00:08:22Well, it's red now, yeah.
00:08:24If you're going to eat a victim on my nice green couch,
00:08:27put down some newspaper on the floor and some towels.
00:08:29It's not hard to do.
00:08:30We're vampires.
00:08:32We don't put down towels.
00:08:34Some vampires do.
00:08:36We're not serious ones.
00:08:38When you get the four vampires in a flat,
00:08:42obviously there's going to be a lot of tension.
00:08:44There's tension in any, any flatting situation.
00:08:48It's settled then.
00:08:49We'll all do our jobs,
00:08:50starting with a certain deacon.
00:08:52I will do my dishes.
00:08:54Good to do that.
00:08:54This is bullshit.
00:09:24This is bullshit.
00:09:54I became a vampire when I was 16, and that is why I always looked 16.
00:10:02In those days, of course, life was tough for a 16-year-old.
00:10:06You'll never get a second chance, plan all your moves in advance.
00:10:12Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead, stay dead, and out of this world.
00:10:17Vampires have had a pretty bad rap.
00:10:20We're not these mopey old creatures who live in castles.
00:10:25And for some, most of us, a lot, but there are also those of us who like to flat together
00:10:30in really small countries like New Zealand.
00:10:33Don't ever talk with your eyes.
00:10:36Be sure that you compromise.
00:10:39You're dead, you're dead, you're dead, you're dead, and out of this world.
00:10:43I was a Nazi vampire.
00:10:53After the war, which the Nazis lost, I don't know if you know that the Nazis lost that war.
00:11:00If you were a Nazi, after the war, and if you were a vampire, and if you were a Nazi vampire,
00:11:11no way.
00:11:13I was out of there.
00:11:14Long gone, long gone, long gone, long gone, long gone, and out of this world.
00:11:31When you smile and it tears your face, it's time for the inhuman race.
00:11:37You're down, you're down, you're down, you're down, and out of this world.
00:11:42Jacksonville, nor my little baby, and our東西 can well.
00:11:58Yeah, I came to this country for love.
00:12:02There was a girl, human girl, and I thought she was fantastic.
00:12:09She was absolutely amazing.
00:12:12I was smitten.
00:12:13Her family emigrated to New Zealand.
00:12:17And I thought, you know what?
00:12:20To hell with it.
00:12:21I'm going to go.
00:12:22I'm going to chase her and tell her how I feel.
00:12:24I told my servant, Philip, send me to New Zealand.
00:12:29He put the wrong postage on my coffin.
00:12:32So the whole journey took about 18 months.
00:12:35And when I got here, she had found someone else.
00:12:43She had fallen in love.
00:12:46And she was married.
00:13:00She gave me this before she left.
00:13:03There she is.
00:13:07That's me.
00:13:08I put myself in there, too.
00:13:12She told me it was pure silver.
00:13:15Unfortunately, we vampires cannot wear silver.
00:13:20It's about as long as I can wear that.
00:13:45Tonight we are going out into Wellington Central.
00:13:51Tonight we are going out into Wellington Central.
00:14:15It is important that we look good.
00:14:17Yeah, it's really good.
00:14:18Yeah, I like it.
00:14:18One of the unfortunate things about not having a reflection is that you don't know exactly
00:14:24what you look like.
00:14:25Ooh, look, a ghost cap floating all by itself.
00:14:34We can give each other feedback and help each other out until we're looking great.
00:14:39Yeah, some of our clothes are from victims.
00:14:42You might bite someone and then you think, ooh, those are some nice pants.
00:14:47No, change it.
00:14:49When you're a vampire, you become very sexy.
00:14:55We are trying to attract victims to us.
00:14:58Not sure about the waistcoat.
00:15:00I go for a look which I call dead but delicious.
00:15:04We are the bait but we are also the trap.
00:15:07Hello, ladies.
00:15:09And voila, we are ready to go into town and party.
00:15:21Vampire style.
00:15:22Vampire style.
00:15:22Vampire style.
00:15:23Vampire style.
00:15:24Vampire style.
00:15:25Vampire style.
00:15:29When we go into town, we must try to blend in.
00:15:49We started walking yesterday.
00:15:50Coming into town is really cool because just for one brief moment I feel...
00:15:55The trouble with being a vampire is you have to be invited in to go in.
00:16:08Like coming to the bar, please.
00:16:10Invite us into the bar, please.
00:16:15Invite us in.
00:16:17If the humans found out what we were, they would destroy us.
00:16:22There are between 60 and 70 vampires in the greater Wellington region.
00:16:26Oh, please, babe, bro.
00:16:27Yoli.
00:16:28Hello.
00:16:29I'm sorry.
00:16:30He's a guy I used to work with when I was human.
00:16:33No?
00:16:34Gone?
00:16:35Yeah, he's gone.
00:16:36I've been drowning him all night.
00:16:37Been a very thirsty girl.
00:16:39Being bitten as a little boy or a little girl, you're always going to look the same age.
00:16:43What are you doing tonight?
00:16:44Are you going to kill some perverts?
00:16:46Yeah, we're meeting a pedophile.
00:16:47Cool.
00:16:48Yeah.
00:16:49Okay, let's just go, please.
00:16:50Have a good night, guys.
00:16:51Have a good night.
00:16:52Big Coomer is vampire owned and operated, and so we can always get in.
00:16:56It's the hottest night spot for vampires in Wellington.
00:17:00Thanks.
00:17:02Thanks.
00:17:11Perhaps you could bring some people to the house.
00:17:13Sure.
00:17:14Perhaps some virgins.
00:17:15Virgins?
00:17:16Yep.
00:17:17Okay.
00:17:18Any kind of preference in terms of gender or...
00:17:20Maybe some ladies?
00:17:21Yep.
00:17:22Ladies.
00:17:23Perhaps a guy?
00:17:24One of each.
00:17:25One of each would be cool.
00:17:26My relationship with Deakin is...
00:17:27Well, I'm his familiar.
00:17:28He's my master.
00:17:29He tells me what to do.
00:17:30I do it.
00:17:31We have that kind of master-servant relationship, which works nicely, actually.
00:17:32Hello.
00:17:33Hello.
00:17:34Oh, it's a little bit of blood.
00:17:35My husband, he's a haemophiliac.
00:17:36You know, someone that bleeds a lot.
00:17:37Yep.
00:17:38Any kind of age range?
00:17:39Young.
00:17:40But not...
00:17:41Not kids?
00:17:42Not kids.
00:17:43Okay.
00:17:4418 to 30?
00:17:45Definitely younger than yourself.
00:17:46Okay.
00:17:47So, 18 to 30.
00:17:48So, it's a dinner party?
00:17:49I'll be there?
00:17:50Yes.
00:17:51Dinner party.
00:17:52The guys will be there?
00:17:53Yes.
00:17:54We'll all be there?
00:17:55Yes.
00:17:56We'll dress up.
00:17:57Okay.
00:17:58We'll dress up.
00:17:59Okay.
00:18:00So, 18 to 30.
00:18:01So, it's a dinner party?
00:18:02I'll be there?
00:18:03Yes.
00:18:04Dinner party.
00:18:05The guys will be there?
00:18:06Yes.
00:18:07We'll all be there?
00:18:08We'll dress up.
00:18:09Okay, great.
00:18:10And then eat them.
00:18:11Okay.
00:18:12Should be fun.
00:18:13Great.
00:18:14I was just wondering if we could talk about the...
00:18:15Do you know of a night dentist?
00:18:17Because I have this thing here.
00:18:19I was just wondering if we could talk about the deal?
00:18:22Hmm?
00:18:23The deal?
00:18:24The dishes?
00:18:25No, the, you know, the deal.
00:18:27The deal is that he is going to give me eternal life.
00:18:31Um, which is...
00:18:33Very exciting.
00:18:35Well, I just feel like I've kind of reached my potential
00:18:37and I wouldn't want to kind of get any older before,
00:18:39kind of...
00:18:40I just feel like I'm the best version of myself that I can be.
00:18:42It's just that it's been four and a half years
00:18:44and I just...
00:18:45But it's doing your pot plants, I'm doing your dry cleaning,
00:18:47I'm now doing your dishes, and I'm doing...
00:18:49And the dentist.
00:18:50And the dentist.
00:18:51And it's just taking an awful long time,
00:18:53so I was just wondering...
00:18:54Be gone.
00:18:55Okay.
00:18:56I'll see you later.
00:18:57Okay.
00:19:01One of the most unfortunate things about being a vampire
00:19:12is that you have to drink human blood.
00:19:16I like to make a real evening of it.
00:19:19Play.
00:19:20Play some music, maybe give them some nice wine.
00:19:23It's their last moment alive,
00:19:25so why not make it a nice experience?
00:19:28So, tell me what you do, what do you...
00:19:33I'm thinking about going to uni, actually.
00:19:35Oh, you are?
00:19:40University, yeah.
00:19:42Yeah, but after that I'm going to travel.
00:19:45Yeah.
00:19:46Really wanted to go overseas for ages,
00:19:48so I'm saving up and I'm going to go to Spain,
00:19:51and Italy, and London, and...
00:19:54Yeah.
00:19:57Okay.
00:19:58Excuse me.
00:19:59Just put that there.
00:20:06There you go.
00:20:16Shit!
00:20:21Oh!
00:20:25Well, that didn't go so great.
00:20:28I hit the main artery.
00:20:32So, yeah, it's a real mess in there.
00:20:36On the upside, I think she had a really good time.
00:20:51So, it's quite late, and I've managed to find a woman up watching television,
00:21:03and she seems like she'd be a good victim.
00:21:08I'm just going to use hypnosis on her.
00:21:13See me.
00:21:14See me.
00:21:17See me.
00:21:21She can't, she can't see me from that angle.
00:21:24Vladislav used to be extremely powerful.
00:21:27He could hypnotize crowds of people.
00:21:29Great orgies.
00:21:3120, 30 women.
00:21:33He could turn into all sorts of animals,
00:21:34but now he never gets the faces right.
00:21:37He would kill anybody.
00:21:38Men, women, children, burning, everything.
00:21:42It's totally great.
00:21:43But he suffered a humiliating defeat at the hands of his arch-nemistice,
00:21:50the Beast.
00:22:00And he's never been the same.
00:22:02See me.
00:22:06See me.
00:22:09See me.
00:22:10See me.
00:22:13See me.
00:22:17Would you like to come inside?
00:22:18Oh, Jackie, welcome.
00:22:19Hello.
00:22:20Come in.
00:22:21This is Nick, ex-ex-boyfriend.
00:22:22I am Josephine.
00:22:23I am Josephine.
00:22:24Myself.
00:22:25And this is Deacon, my overseas friend from Europe.
00:22:26Deacon and his ex-ex-boyfriend.
00:22:27I am Josephine.
00:22:28And this is Deacon, my overseas friend from Europe.
00:22:31Deacon and his friends need victims.
00:22:32Hi.
00:22:33Please come in.
00:22:34Welcome.
00:22:35I am Josephine.
00:22:36I am Josephine.
00:22:37I am Josephine.
00:22:38I am Josephine.
00:22:39And this is Deacon, my overseas friend from Europe.
00:22:40Deacon and his friends need victims.
00:22:44Hi.
00:22:45Please come in.
00:22:46Hi.
00:22:47Please come in.
00:22:48Welcome.
00:22:49They can't be people that I actually invest in or like because of course they will become
00:22:51victims.
00:22:52Hi.
00:22:53Josephine.
00:22:54No, I sat next to you in English.
00:22:55Remember?
00:22:56You used to call me the Jacksonist.
00:22:57No, you did.
00:22:58No, you did.
00:22:59Yeah.
00:23:00No, you started that.
00:23:01You were the one that started calling me that and then it kind of caught on.
00:23:04Yeah.
00:23:05Ok.
00:23:06Bye then.
00:23:07Bye.
00:23:08She's in.
00:23:10Do you like that song?
00:23:11Yes.
00:23:12Yes, German.
00:23:13No, I am.
00:23:14Yes, German.
00:23:15Yes, they are.
00:23:16Okay.
00:23:17That is what I wanted to do.
00:23:18Please come back.
00:23:19Yes, German.
00:23:20Yes, German.
00:23:21Yes, German.
00:23:22Yes, German.
00:23:23We need to leave here.
00:23:24Yes, German.
00:23:25Yes, German.
00:23:26Yes, German.
00:23:27Yes, German.
00:23:28Yes, Spanish.
00:23:29Yes, German.
00:23:30No, no.
00:23:31Yes, German.
00:23:32Yes, German.
00:23:33Yes.
00:23:34Nick?
00:23:35Yep.
00:23:36That's right.
00:23:38I will go and prepare dinner.
00:23:41Please.
00:23:44Nick, are you a virgin at all?
00:23:47What?
00:23:48Doesn't seem like...
00:23:49Are you a virgin?
00:23:51Yes.
00:23:52Um...
00:23:53No.
00:23:54You were a virgin when we were seeing each other?
00:23:56Yeah, I was 12.
00:23:57You said he was a virgin.
00:23:59I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.
00:24:03I think of it like this.
00:24:05If you were going to eat a sandwich,
00:24:07you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.
00:24:11Let's concentrate on Josephine then.
00:24:14Are you a virgin?
00:24:15I'm not, no.
00:24:17Okay, I'm really sorry.
00:24:18Because I totally pinned her as a virgin.
00:24:21She looks like a virgin.
00:24:22She talks like a virgin.
00:24:24I mean...
00:24:25Who would have sex with her?
00:24:26I wouldn't.
00:24:27I would.
00:24:28Two dinners.
00:24:29Two dinners.
00:24:30Yum.
00:24:31Nick.
00:24:32Do you like baschetti?
00:24:33Uh, yeah.
00:24:34Usually like it.
00:24:35But be better if it was warm.
00:24:36So this is my favorite trick.
00:24:37We present our guests with a plate of baschetti.
00:24:39And then I will say, why don't you eat some baschetti?
00:24:41Please, Nick.
00:24:42Eat some baschetti.
00:24:43I didn't realize you enjoyed eating worms.
00:24:44Nick.
00:24:45No, no.
00:24:46They are worms.
00:24:47There's worms.
00:24:48Worms.
00:24:49Worms.
00:24:50Worms.
00:24:51Worms.
00:24:52Worms.
00:24:53Worms.
00:24:54Worms.
00:24:55Worms.
00:24:56Worms.
00:24:57Worms.
00:24:58Worms.
00:24:59Worms.
00:25:00Worms.
00:25:01Worms.
00:25:02Worms.
00:25:03Worms.
00:25:04Worms.
00:25:05Worms.
00:25:06Worms.
00:25:07Worms.
00:25:08Worms.
00:25:09Worms.
00:25:10Worms.
00:25:11Worms.
00:25:12Worms.
00:25:13Worms.
00:25:14Worms.
00:25:15Worms.
00:25:16Worms.
00:25:17Worms.
00:25:18Worms.
00:25:19Worms.
00:25:20Worms.
00:25:21Worms.
00:25:22Worms.
00:25:23Worms.
00:25:24Worms.
00:25:25Worms.
00:25:26Worms.
00:25:27Worms.
00:25:28Worms.
00:25:29Worms.
00:25:30Worms.
00:25:31Worms.
00:25:32Worms.
00:25:33Worms.
00:25:34Worms.
00:25:35Worms.
00:25:36Worms.
00:25:37Look, look, this freaks spike my spaghetti, make my cock turn into a snake, this is not cool.
00:25:43Not cool.
00:25:50You don't think this is weird?
00:25:53For fuck's sakes.
00:26:01Jackie!
00:26:03Jackie!
00:26:05Sorry, Nick!
00:26:06What are you doing?
00:26:08Jackie!
00:26:14See ya!
00:26:15See ya!
00:26:36See ya!
00:26:37See ya!
00:26:38See ya!
00:26:44Fuck off!
00:26:46Where am I?
00:26:55Fuck!
00:26:56Fuck!
00:27:09Fuck!
00:27:14Fuck!
00:27:15Fuck!
00:27:17Fuck!
00:27:18Ah!
00:27:29Freak!
00:27:39Oh, no!
00:27:41Peter got him!
00:27:43Poor guy.
00:27:45Who let Peter out?
00:27:48Is that the only way he is?
00:27:51I said, the cringles of Susie is going on!
00:27:53I am sorry!
00:28:00Let's have a beer!
00:28:06I have a beer!
00:28:40Hey guys.
00:28:48Hey, what are you guys doing?
00:28:50What are you doing, Nick?
00:28:52Coming to the house.
00:28:55Hi, my name is Nick.
00:28:56Hey guys.
00:28:57I've been a vampire for two months.
00:29:00Probably, I reckon, the best thing about being a vampire is flying.
00:29:04Like, I've always wanted to, I think everyone's always wanted to fly, and now I can do it.
00:29:10Nick, why don't you use the front door?
00:29:22Why would I?
00:29:23I'm flying.
00:29:24Peter bit me.
00:29:26Sucked all my blood out.
00:29:27I woke up in his basement, and he offered me some blood.
00:29:30I just thought it was something, some German thing that these guys do.
00:29:34The transition into becoming a vampire was pretty hard.
00:29:37I looked like shit to start off with.
00:29:39Like, I had a massive gash in my neck.
00:29:42Like, you could see the inside of my neck.
00:29:43Had blood all over my top.
00:29:46And then I came home, and I was sweating.
00:29:48I was either really hot or really cold.
00:29:50It was like a hangover times 10, I reckon.
00:29:52It was really bad.
00:29:59It was quite similar to having the flu.
00:30:02Except, the only difference would probably be that my eyes bled heaps.
00:30:08Are you guys not cold?
00:30:10I don't know, I can't really explain it.
00:30:11Like, it's just, yeah, just real hot and cold and, like, bloody eyes and flying and stuff.
00:30:16The neighbours can see you flying around the house.
00:30:18You want to draw attention to this house, hmm?
00:30:20You've got a whole documentary crew following you around.
00:30:22I'm doing an erotic dance for my friends, and you ruined it.
00:30:26I was in the zone.
00:30:27My friends are loving it.
00:30:28I love it.
00:30:29I saw the end of it.
00:30:29It looked great.
00:30:30I don't know if I'm accepted yet, but I don't know.
00:30:34I think it's getting there.
00:30:36I know they're old and stuff, but they're quite naive when it comes to the real world.
00:30:40So, I don't know.
00:30:41It'd be cool to just hang out with them.
00:30:43They can teach me some stuff.
00:30:44I can probably teach them a few things.
00:30:52At the start, I was like, oh, no, like, I'm dead.
00:30:58It's kind of affected my friendship with normal people, my family and stuff.
00:31:02But, the way I see it, I've got a whole new family.
00:31:04They accept me for who I am, and I accept them for who they are.
00:31:09Even though one of them killed me.
00:31:12Where shall we go tonight?
00:31:13We'll go to the big kumala.
00:31:14Why don't we go to Boogie Wonderland?
00:31:15We'll never get into Boogie Wonderland.
00:31:17My friend Rich is a bouncer.
00:31:19He can get us in.
00:31:20What? Really?
00:31:20He'll invite us in.
00:31:21Stu's king.
00:31:23Stu loves it.
00:31:23Cool, that's too.
00:31:25This is my friend Stu.
00:31:27He works in computers and stuff.
00:31:29Originally, he went out with my sister, and then they broke up.
00:31:33I don't really get into it.
00:31:34It's not got nothing to do with me.
00:31:36And, um, you can't hear me.
00:31:40So, basically, Stu doesn't know that I'm a vampire, and he doesn't know that my friends are vampires.
00:31:46He just thinks that I've just met some colourful friends.
00:31:49This is Jasmine.
00:31:50I brought him around to the house, and I all thought I'd bought, like, a meal for everyone.
00:31:55It just, like, it really, really sucks that I can't eat him.
00:31:59I just want to, like, ahhh.
00:32:01Look at it.
00:32:03He's the reddest guy I know.
00:32:06All right.
00:32:06You can hear me.
00:32:08Yeah, like, computer-based stuff, eh?
00:32:10Mainly.
00:32:10Yeah, yeah, right.
00:32:10Yeah.
00:32:11Geo-databases.
00:32:12Yeah, yeah, like, computers, mainly.
00:32:15Let's have a vote for Boogie Wonderland on the Big Coomla.
00:32:19Big Coomla!
00:32:20I don't think Nick should have been turned into a vampire.
00:32:32He's such a dick.
00:32:34How are you, brother?
00:32:35Looking great, man.
00:32:36Gentlemen!
00:32:36You are most welcome.
00:32:37Ha ha ha!
00:32:39Thank you, Ben.
00:32:46We're at Boogie Wonderland!
00:32:48So, here we are at Boogie Wonderland, and it is so much fun.
00:32:54They have an electric store.
00:32:56This is amazing!
00:32:56I'm just so happy to be here.
00:33:00This place is pretty cheesy.
00:33:01Also, did you see the jacket he wore?
00:33:04He's wearing the same jacket as me.
00:33:06It's not exactly the same.
00:33:08It's pretty close.
00:33:15Awesome, man.
00:33:16I'm just loving being a vampire player.
00:33:24I was here with the Fet Lady's Arms.
00:33:25Uh, on Wednesdays, they do, like, a Fear Factor competition.
00:33:29You can win, like, T-shirts and hats and spot prizes.
00:33:32I can smell werewolves.
00:33:35We're just about to walk past a werewolf, so some shit might go down.
00:33:39Look out, guys.
00:33:39Don't catch fleas.
00:33:41What's that, mate?
00:33:42Sorry, what?
00:33:43Keep going, keep walking, keep walking.
00:33:45We've got sensitive hearing.
00:33:46Have you?
00:33:47Yeah.
00:33:47What are you filming?
00:33:48It's a music video, is it?
00:33:49We don't want any trouble.
00:33:51I do.
00:33:52Why did you start it?
00:33:52Have I got your hackles up, huh?
00:33:54Why don't you go smell your own crotches, huh?
00:33:57What are you talking about?
00:33:58We don't smell our own crotches.
00:34:00We smell each other's crotches, and it's a form of greeting.
00:34:03You're on camera, mate.
00:34:04Don't, don't do it.
00:34:05What?
00:34:05It's okay, because I know this guy.
00:34:07It's Count Fagula.
00:34:08Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't swear.
00:34:11Sorry, they, they...
00:34:12We're werewolves.
00:34:13What are we?
00:34:14Werewolves, not swears.
00:34:16Stigots, I'm a swear word.
00:34:16No, it's a very offensive word to call people.
00:34:20Well, unless you're talking about a bundle of sticks.
00:34:22Jeez, this bundle of sticks.
00:34:24Werewolves, don't get it.
00:34:25No, no, no, no, it's not real.
00:34:26Nathan, it's not real.
00:34:27He's just going to take off his gloves.
00:34:28All right.
00:34:29Oh, shit, man.
00:34:30The fuck you do that for?
00:34:31Hey, don't swear.
00:34:33We're going to lose it.
00:34:33We're going to lose it.
00:34:34Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:34:35Hey, calm down.
00:34:36I should have stuck on my glasses.
00:34:37Stay on.
00:34:38Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:34:39Oh, whoa, whoa.
00:34:40Sorry.
00:34:42Hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:34:43Hey, calm down.
00:34:44Do the breathing.
00:34:44Do the breathing.
00:34:45Do the breathing.
00:34:46Count to ten, mate.
00:34:47Count to ten.
00:34:47Come on.
00:34:48Human again.
00:34:48Hold it.
00:34:49Count to ten.
00:34:50Human again.
00:34:51It's all right.
00:34:52It's not full moon.
00:34:53Thanks a lot, guys.
00:34:54Enjoy your night.
00:34:55You shamed yourselves, man.
00:34:56Great.
00:34:56We didn't want this to happen.
00:34:59Woo, woo, woo.
00:35:00Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.
00:35:04Come on, guys.
00:35:05Hey, say it.
00:35:06Don't spray it, bitch.
00:35:08What?
00:35:09Why are you swearing all the time?
00:35:10What?
00:35:10Are you right with me?
00:35:11Well, they're actually werewolves.
00:35:13Yeah.
00:35:13Are you OK, Stu?
00:35:17I just don't really know how to approach this, because I've never done it before.
00:35:21Um, and he was a good friend, and I don't want to, I don't want to break that friendship,
00:35:27but then again, what do you do when someone tells you that they're a vampire?
00:35:33I'm expecting him to be angry.
00:35:35He might be scared.
00:35:36I'm expecting a lot of things to bubble to the surface.
00:35:39You've probably noticed there's been, I've been going through a few changes lately.
00:35:45Yeah.
00:35:46Yeah?
00:35:47Yeah.
00:35:48Like, I don't show up for lunch anymore.
00:35:51Yeah.
00:35:52How I've changed all our tennis games to night-time tennis games.
00:35:57Right.
00:35:58And how you went from beating me every time, and how I've won the last three.
00:36:05Yeah.
00:36:06So, the reason I brought you here is to tell you that I'm a vampire.
00:36:18Stu took it pretty well.
00:36:20He's definitely my best mate.
00:36:22And I'm not going to eat him.
00:36:23If they ever offer you spaghetti, um, you shouldn't eat it.
00:36:29I think they offered me biscotti.
00:36:31Vampire mates don't eat human mates.
00:36:32And no matter how much I wanted to eat him, I would never eat him, because he's my mate.
00:36:37Hey, Stu.
00:36:38Yeah.
00:36:39Yeah.
00:36:39Yeah.
00:36:43Stu is great.
00:36:45We really like him.
00:36:46At first, I wanted to kill him.
00:36:50But now, I'm glad I spent the time to get to know him.
00:36:54Yeah, of course, he looks delicious with his big red cheeks.
00:36:58But we've all got an agreement that we're not going to eat stew, right?
00:37:02Right.
00:37:03The guys upstairs, they're loving him.
00:37:06At the start, they were a bit, oh, who's this human you bring into the house?
00:37:10But it took them literally two minutes, and they like him more than they like me, I reckon.
00:37:14I'm getting a scarf full of stew.
00:37:16I'm trying to take this.
00:37:18Use your legs.
00:37:19Your legs.
00:37:20Wow.
00:37:21Step back and block high.
00:37:23Okay, I'm punching high.
00:37:25Yep.
00:37:26Hi.
00:37:27Yep.
00:37:28I'm just, what I'm trying to say is, because I know that you, you turned me into a vampire.
00:37:33Maybe don't do that to him.
00:37:35He's a vegetarian.
00:37:37The last thing he'd want to do is eat a live being, or eat blood, or eat meat.
00:37:42I am controlling the air.
00:37:44Get it, get it.
00:37:45It's quite amazing to see how far technology can go forward if you're not paying attention.
00:37:53One message received.
00:37:55Oops.
00:37:56There is a crucifix behind you.
00:38:01So, down on that one, like halfway down, we'll focus it.
00:38:05Maybe smile.
00:38:06Gloria, Gloria, living.
00:38:11Anything you want to find, you write, you write, you write, you write, you write.
00:38:15I lost a really nice silk scarf in about 1912.
00:38:20Yes.
00:38:21Now, Google it.
00:38:22Stu is the first human friend that I've had for a long time.
00:38:26With humans, there's a tendency to die.
00:38:29Yeah.
00:38:30Yeah.
00:38:31We can look at her photos.
00:38:32Oh, yes.
00:38:33Or we could poke her.
00:38:37Yes.
00:38:38Can we see a movie of a sunrise?
00:38:42Oh, shit.
00:38:43Ooh.
00:38:44Nice.
00:38:45If we push images, then we can see pictures of virgins.
00:38:49Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:38:53Whoops.
00:38:54I don't think she's a virgin if she's doing that.
00:38:57Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:39:11There he is, yeah.
00:39:12This is my old servant, Philip.
00:39:15So, we're going to call him.
00:39:16Yeah.
00:39:17Oh, my God, that's him, that's him, that's him, that's Philip, that's Philip, he looks so...
00:39:28Meister!
00:39:29Grüß dich, Meister, wir haben.
00:39:31Haha.
00:39:32So lange her.
00:39:34Du hast dich gar nicht verändert.
00:39:37Sag mir, hast du Kathrin gesehen?
00:39:41Ah, es gibt keine Eile.
00:39:44Du weißt, Liebe ist geduldig.
00:39:46Hör mal, Philip, du hast das falsche Proto auf die Box gezahlt.
00:39:51Was?
00:39:52Äh, ja, für den Sag, ja, du hast falsch bezahlt und es hat ganz lange gedauert, um hier anzukommen.
00:39:59Meister, du hast mir versprochen, mich in einen Vampir zu verwandeln, jetzt bin ich schon
00:40:0690.
00:40:07Oh.
00:40:08Du hast es versprochen, ich bin so alt.
00:40:10Ja, also, es war ganz toll, dich zu sehen.
00:40:13Man sieht sich, Philip.
00:40:20Okay.
00:40:21Mal должен gehen, unknimousidir.
00:40:23Who stop am Barsch.
00:40:25Du hast es versprochen?
00:40:30Ja.
00:40:31Münique, auल.
00:40:33Barsch.
00:40:37J words.
00:40:39Alb.
00:40:40I like Google Maps, but more layers of information.
00:41:09Then maybe Twilight.
00:41:10Have you seen it?
00:41:11Yeah.
00:41:12Okay.
00:41:13I'm the main guy, Twilight.
00:41:14You know the main guy, Twilight?
00:41:16That's me.
00:41:17His camera's following me around.
00:41:18They could have chosen anyone.
00:41:20How many people have you told you a vampire?
00:41:22Not many.
00:41:23I heard that girl talking about it.
00:41:25She said you're a vampire.
00:41:27Yeah, I told her.
00:41:28Who else?
00:41:29Who did you tell?
00:41:30I told her hot friends.
00:41:31You can't tell everyone that you're a vampire.
00:41:34Who's that guy?
00:41:35I don't know, but I trust him.
00:41:37I can't tell everyone.
00:41:38I don't know.
00:41:39Vampire!
00:41:40Vampire!
00:41:41Yeah, I've got a bit of an eye condition.
00:41:45What's wrong with him?
00:41:47Vampire eyes.
00:41:48Can't go into the sun.
00:41:49Oh my god, are they your fangs?
00:41:51For real?
00:41:52For real.
00:41:53For real real.
00:41:54Too real real.
00:41:55Too real real.
00:41:56I'm a vampire, though.
00:41:57You're a vampire?
00:41:58Yeah.
00:41:59I'm a vampire hunter, man.
00:42:01No, you're not.
00:42:02Oh?
00:42:03Fuck you piece of shit.
00:42:04I'll Skype you.
00:42:05Float.
00:42:06Transforming stuff.
00:42:07Same.
00:42:08No, you can't.
00:42:09Yeah.
00:42:10I'll show you.
00:42:11You show me.
00:42:12Show me some of your vampires, though.
00:42:14What do I say?
00:42:15What have I got?
00:42:16Um...
00:42:21Don't lie about transforming into shit.
00:42:30Twilight!
00:42:31Shut up, Nick!
00:42:33You're not Twilight.
00:42:34What's your problem?
00:42:35You're my problem.
00:42:36Telling the world that we are vampires.
00:42:38Yeah, I'm gonna tell the whole world that you're an asshole now, though.
00:42:40Shut up!
00:42:41Shut up!
00:42:43You shut up!
00:42:44You shut up!
00:42:45Yeah, you shut up!
00:42:46You shut up!
00:42:47I'm Dracula, man!
00:42:48You're not Dracula!
00:42:49I'm Dracula, man!
00:42:50You don't even know who Dracula is!
00:42:51You idiot!
00:42:55Ooh, best fight!
00:42:56Best fight?
00:42:57Oh, aye-aye-aye-aye.
00:42:58Hehehehe.
00:42:59Ho, ho, ho!
00:43:02Ah!
00:43:04Ah!
00:43:06Aw, Deacon.
00:43:07That wasn't fair man. Fucking jacket man.
00:43:12I don't care about your stupid jacket.
00:43:14Naked!
00:43:16You okay man?
00:43:18Hey Stu. How's your worms?
00:43:38What?
00:43:41You're eating worms.
00:43:48Can you do this shit when you turn them into worms?
00:43:51No.
00:43:52Doesn't work on chips.
00:43:53Only works on things that already look like worms.
00:43:56Maybe noodles. Do you want some noodles?
00:43:58He knows now.
00:44:01Oh no I wouldn't eat that.
00:44:06Why?
00:44:08Are you okay Mick?
00:44:20Alright?
00:44:23The apes are tipped.
00:44:29I can't eat solids now. Great.
00:44:31I can't sunbathe. I can't watch daytime TV.
00:44:34I can if I, yeah I guess I could.
00:44:36More than anything it's just the chips.
00:44:38It's my favourite food. I can't eat chips.
00:44:41I don't, it's just, I hate.
00:44:44I say I'm over being a vampire. It's shit.
00:44:46So don't, don't believe the hype.
00:45:01Jackie.
00:45:06Jackie can I come in please?
00:45:11Okay off the bed guys.
00:45:12Hello children.
00:45:13Don't look at the men.
00:45:14Hey little children.
00:45:15Hey Kasia, don't look at the men.
00:45:18I was going to bite you tonight.
00:45:20Really?
00:45:21But now I can't because there's this Mick being a vampire.
00:45:24Sorry I thought you killed him two months ago.
00:45:26No I didn't, no he's a vampire.
00:45:28What do you mean?
00:45:29He jumped in front of your place.
00:45:32All I'm saying is that um...
00:45:35You know if I had a penis I would have been,
00:45:37I would have been bitten years ago.
00:45:39I may have to penalise you.
00:45:42Perhaps another couple of years.
00:45:44Perhaps ten years.
00:45:45Hmm?
00:45:46Like one big circle just biting each other's dicks.
00:45:48You know they don't even wear shirts, they wear blouses.
00:45:50It's this big homoerotic dick biting club
00:45:53and I'm stuck here ironing their fucking frills.
00:45:57Also clean the bathroom please.
00:45:59There's blood everywhere, it is gruesome.
00:46:02Okay.
00:46:03See you tomorrow.
00:46:08Off the bead please.
00:46:10Katheryn.
00:46:24She was so charming and nice.
00:46:27She was everything I wanted.
00:46:29Unfortunately, yeah, she was married.
00:46:33Sure I wanted to kill the guy.
00:46:36I thought about chopping his head off,
00:46:38draining him of every drop of blood that he had.
00:46:42Who wouldn't?
00:46:44But then I also saw how happy she was.
00:46:48And that made me kind of happy.
00:46:51And I didn't want to ruin it for her,
00:46:54so I did the honourable thing
00:46:57and I just stepped back
00:47:00and let her live her life.
00:47:02and let her go go.
00:47:08OK.
00:47:09Oh
00:47:30oh
00:47:39Get out of the sunlight!
00:47:40Get water! Get water!
00:47:41Get water!
00:47:42Peter, get away from the sunlight!
00:47:44Get in the shadows!
00:47:45Peter!
00:47:46Get out of the sunlight!
00:47:48Get out of my way!
00:47:51Go in!
00:47:52I'm coming, Peter!
00:47:53Deacon, now it's sunlight!
00:47:54I'm coming for you!
00:47:55It's sunlight out there!
00:47:57It's sunlight!
00:47:58It's sunlight!
00:48:06I was too late.
00:48:09Turn that thing off!
00:48:18A friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!
00:48:23So this is what I think happened.
00:48:24The vampire hunter is broken through the window here.
00:48:32Has impacted the table, breaking the table leg.
00:48:33Then he has come this way towards the tomb.
00:48:41Whoa!
00:48:42Ah!
00:48:43Cotefets!
00:48:44Cover the cotefets!
00:48:45Whoa!
00:48:46And then Peter has burst from the tomb, pushed the tomb lid onto the vampire hunter.
00:48:50And then the sunlight has come through here and burnt Peter alive!
00:48:51I think this is just a table leg which is sanded down.
00:48:52Do you think he hand sanded that?
00:48:53Or?
00:48:54Yes!
00:48:55Imagine that's stuck in your...
00:48:56Oh!
00:48:57It's quite shocking down here, Nick!
00:48:58Look!
00:48:59Here's our sweet Peter!
00:49:00Oh!
00:49:01Oh!
00:49:02Fuck!
00:49:03Burnt to a sizzle!
00:49:04I can't figure out this!
00:49:05This is the vampire hunter!
00:49:06This is the vampire hunter!
00:49:07Oh!
00:49:08Who's this guy?
00:49:09Look at this bloody head!
00:49:10Oh!
00:49:11Oh!
00:49:12Oh!
00:49:13Oh!
00:49:14Oh!
00:49:15Oh!
00:49:16Oh!
00:49:17Oh!
00:49:18Oh!
00:49:19Oh!
00:49:20Oh!
00:49:21Oh!
00:49:22Oh!
00:49:23Oh!
00:49:24Oh!
00:49:25Oh!
00:49:26Oh!
00:49:27Oh!
00:49:28Oh!
00:49:29Oh!
00:49:30Oh!
00:49:31Oh!
00:49:32Oh!
00:49:33This bloody head on.
00:49:34You're going to front.
00:49:35It's twisted the other way.
00:49:36The other way.
00:49:37See who this guy is.
00:49:39Yeah.
00:49:40Ugh.
00:49:41Typical macho type.
00:49:43Yuck!
00:49:44It is.
00:49:45Oh, shit.
00:49:46I know that guy actually.
00:49:49You know him.
00:49:50Yeah.
00:49:51What?
00:49:52I saw him the other night in town.
00:49:54I told him I was a vampire.
00:49:55What?
00:49:56I thought he was joking, he said he was a vampire hunter.
00:49:58You let a vampire hunter into our house?
00:50:00I don't let him in, I just got in my email.
00:50:02Nick!
00:50:04You're gonna tear out your tongue and shove it down your ass!
00:50:07Your eyes!
00:50:09Fuck him!
00:50:12I'm gonna kill you!
00:50:21Tear out your tongue!
00:50:25Kill Peter with your big mouth!
00:50:27It's a mistake!
00:50:29Get up! Take a breath!
00:50:31You can't stand on the ceiling like a man!
00:50:39We can talk about this, okay? We can talk about this!
00:50:41I'm gonna kill you!
00:50:43I'm already dead!
00:50:44Dude, stay back!
00:50:50Shhh!
00:50:51I'm gonna knock the door!
00:50:52I'll go!
00:50:53I'll go!
00:51:01Oh, shit!
00:51:04Good evening, sir!
00:51:05Hello, police!
00:51:06Hi, I'm Constable O'Leary, this is Constable Minogue.
00:51:09We're just responding to reports of a possible forced entry and also a rather large amount of shrieking.
00:51:14Just wondering if we could come in, just have a wee look around.
00:51:17Okay.
00:51:19Hello, what's with the camera?
00:51:21Yeah, obviously we're just here because there was a phone call from a member of the public about a bit of a disturbance, some loud noises, possibly a forced entry, wasn't there?
00:51:29And also maybe a bit of smoke coming out.
00:51:31So we're just checking over the scene, making sure everything's above board, so to speak, and making sure no one's in danger, that kind of thing.
00:51:38We might go up and have a wee look up there if that's alright with you.
00:51:41Come on, mate. You lead the way.
00:51:43Part of the job.
00:51:44Yep.
00:51:45Okay.
00:51:46Smells a little weird in here too, mate.
00:51:48Yeah.
00:51:49What do you call that?
00:51:50Barbecue.
00:51:51You will not notice anything out of the ordinary.
00:52:00No.
00:52:01We certainly hope not.
00:52:02Let's just keep going.
00:52:03Hi there, guys.
00:52:04Hi.
00:52:05How are ya?
00:52:06Hi, fellas.
00:52:07Um, is this the room we've heard all the shouting coming from?
00:52:10That is me.
00:52:11Yeah, okay.
00:52:12We've had a couple of reports, okay?
00:52:13There's a couple of people not that happy about the level of noise here.
00:52:15Okay.
00:52:16You can't keep screaming when there's this many people out, mate.
00:52:18You've got neighbours on either side.
00:52:20I'm really nervous.
00:52:21I've hypnotised those cops.
00:52:23I'm not a great hypnotiser, so I could wear off any second.
00:52:26I really hope that those guys don't kill those police,
00:52:29because it'll mean more police will come,
00:52:31possibly even Christians,
00:52:33which is totally the last thing we need in this house.
00:52:35I can see you're having a good time.
00:52:37End of the day.
00:52:38We've got to keep the, er, the peace, okay?
00:52:39Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:52:40See what I'm saying?
00:52:43What's that, Minogue?
00:52:45You're joking.
00:52:47Not a smoke alarm in sight.
00:52:50No smoke detectors, mate.
00:52:51Rule number one.
00:52:53Smoke detectors.
00:52:54Okay.
00:52:55Rule number two.
00:52:56Maybe not so many barbecues inside.
00:52:58Sort of that, fellas.
00:52:59Barbecues?
00:53:00Smells really strong down here, isn't it?
00:53:02What kind of marinade?
00:53:03Yeah.
00:53:04Who's this guy?
00:53:05Erm, that's a friend who came to our party.
00:53:09Mate, you all right?
00:53:10He's drunk.
00:53:11That's what I thought.
00:53:12Drunk guy.
00:53:13Look, you can't just leave him down here like that, okay?
00:53:15This guy's not having a good time.
00:53:17He's going to feel terrible tomorrow morning.
00:53:19Well, his soul is in hell.
00:53:21Well, I don't know where his soul is,
00:53:22but all I'm saying is where's his blanket?
00:53:24Just checking him in the morning.
00:53:25There's a big slab of concrete on him.
00:53:26Yeah.
00:53:27That's definitely not going to be comfortable.
00:53:28Thanks.
00:53:29Anything else?
00:53:30I've seen enough.
00:53:31Okay.
00:53:32Hang on a minute.
00:53:33What have we got here?
00:53:36What is that?
00:53:37This.
00:53:38Oh, this.
00:53:39It's seen as clearly as I can.
00:53:40Adhesive, mate.
00:53:41It's flammable.
00:53:42Gosh.
00:53:43Then you've got a lamp on top of that,
00:53:44directly underneath the power saw.
00:53:46That is quite bad.
00:53:47It's very bad.
00:53:48It's a very bad combination.
00:53:49And no smoke detectors again, are there?
00:53:50No.
00:53:51No.
00:53:52Yes, there are.
00:53:53Yes, there are.
00:53:54That's good.
00:53:55Lots to think about guys.
00:53:56Next flat meeting.
00:53:57Yeah.
00:53:58Yeah.
00:53:59Good thinking.
00:54:00That's the thing.
00:54:01Just have a bit of dialogue about it.
00:54:02Okay.
00:54:03They've got a really good point.
00:54:04Wait.
00:54:05Let's kill them.
00:54:06No.
00:54:07Well, let's just see what other safety points they have,
00:54:09and then maybe we'll...
00:54:20I call into session this trial of Nick of Wellington.
00:54:26...
00:54:28...
00:54:29...
00:54:30Read the charges.
00:54:31Problems we have with Nick.
00:54:33Number one.
00:54:34You brought a human into our house, which is a big no-no in the vampire world.
00:54:38Stu's okay though.
00:54:39Yeah, so Stu's fine.
00:54:40So I guess we'll just cross that one out.
00:54:42Stu's fine, so I guess we'll just cross that one out.
00:54:50Thank you, Stu.
00:54:51Thank you, Stu.
00:54:52So, the new number one.
00:54:55Nick's been telling people he's a vampire
00:54:58that in turn resulted in an unwanted visit
00:55:02from a vampire hunter.
00:55:04Crime number two.
00:55:05This is quite a biggie, Nick.
00:55:08The vampire hunter who killed Peter.
00:55:10That actually should have.
00:55:13That should have been crime number one,
00:55:15but we wanted to build up to that.
00:55:17Number three.
00:55:18Deacon doesn't like that you wear the same jackets as him,
00:55:22and he would like you to find your own original style.
00:55:26For these crimes of which we, the vampire council,
00:55:30find you guilty, you shall be banished from our fled indefinitely.
00:55:35Indefinitely.
00:55:36Indefinitely.
00:55:37So I can come back?
00:55:38No, no, indefinitely means there is no end.
00:55:41I thought it was like...
00:55:42No, indefinite means that it's not a definite thing.
00:55:45It could be changed.
00:55:46Yes, but it's long.
00:55:47Could be tomorrow, it could be six months.
00:55:49No, it is not tomorrow.
00:55:50Forget about it, you're banished.
00:55:51You're banished.
00:55:52You're banished.
00:55:53But Stu, you can visit if you like.
00:55:56For your crimes, you will be made to suffer the procession of shame.
00:56:03I asked them, Nick, I asked them not to pass that sentence.
00:56:06We should do this immediately, in my opinion.
00:56:09You didn't ask.
00:56:10You didn't ask.
00:56:11You were saying yes.
00:56:12Well, this is what's going to happen.
00:56:17Stu thinks it's quite extreme.
00:56:19Let us do the procession of shame now.
00:56:23Shame.
00:56:24Shame.
00:56:25Shame.
00:56:26Shame.
00:56:27Shame.
00:56:28Shame.
00:56:29Shame.
00:56:30Shame.
00:56:31Bad vampire.
00:56:32Shame.
00:56:33You're good, Stu.
00:56:34You're good, Stu.
00:56:41Bye, Stu.
00:56:58Nipple's a shame.
00:57:03So today we have the invitation to the big event of the year.
00:57:30Breaking it open.
00:57:32They have burned the edges.
00:57:34Like a treasure map or something?
00:57:35It's very authentic, doesn't it?
00:57:37Dearly departed.
00:57:39That's us.
00:57:41The Wellington Vampire Association, in conjunction with the Lower Hutt Vampire Witch Club and the
00:57:48Karori Zombie Society, invites you to attend the Unholy Masquerade on the night of the 6th
00:57:56of June, starting at 6pm.
00:58:016, 6, 6, 6.
00:58:03Oh, yeah.
00:58:04Unholy Masquerade, of course, is a great time for the undead community of Wellington.
00:58:08There are zombies there, vampires, bansies, all having a dance together.
00:58:14And it's always a big deal for me.
00:58:17Love it.
00:58:18One year I went to the Unholy Masquerade dressed as Whoopi Goldberg from Sister Act 1 and Sister
00:58:26Act 2, Back in the Habit.
00:58:28It didn't go down so well because he was a nun.
00:58:33Vampires don't like nuns.
00:58:35Of course, the big deal of the Unholy Masquerade is every year they announce the Guest of Honor.
00:58:40And, um, I don't know if I should be saying this, but I heard a little rumor that the Guest of Honor
00:58:49this year might be me.
00:58:53The location...
00:58:55Oh, yeah, where is it?
00:58:56For the location...
00:58:57The deed will despair.
00:58:59And the Guest of Honor will be...
00:59:05Who is it?
00:59:06Show me.
00:59:10Okay.
00:59:11Okay.
00:59:12Okay.
00:59:13Okay.
00:59:14Okay.
00:59:15Okay, that's fine.
00:59:16Okay.
00:59:17That's fine.
00:59:18Okay.
00:59:19That's fine.
00:59:20Okay.
00:59:21That's fine.
00:59:22Uh, Vladislav has just had a reaction to the information that the Guest of Honor will be,
00:59:37um, the Beast.
00:59:39The darkest part of my mind is reserved for the Beast.
00:59:46If I could tell you a thing or two about the Beast.
00:59:48You should pray that you never have to see the Beast.
00:59:51This one is called the Beast.
00:59:53Beast.
00:59:54And I said, get your hands off my balls, Beast!
00:59:56He may have told you some stories about his great battle with the Beast.
01:00:01Yeah, oh, I fought the Beast on a cliff.
01:00:03Oh, I fought the Beast in a swamp.
01:00:06Oh, boy.
01:00:07And then one time I fought the Beast in the toilets of a nightclub.
01:00:10Difficult battle.
01:00:12I hope you never see the Beast.
01:00:15The Beast.
01:00:17You can't go to the ball as Blade.
01:00:28It's a vampire hunter.
01:00:29Yeah, but vampires love Wesley Snipes, so it's...
01:00:32No, it's inappropriate.
01:00:33Okay, Vlad.
01:00:34The green jumpers or the black leather with the dragon belt?
01:00:38I'm having a mild crisis here.
01:00:39Just let the pants you want to wear.
01:00:40Which pants do you want to wear?
01:00:41Just look at the pants, Vlad.
01:00:42Look at the pants, Vlad.
01:00:43Turn around and look at the pants.
01:00:44They're just pants!
01:00:45Shit, man.
01:00:46Holy shit!
01:00:47Oh, you look terrible.
01:00:48The black pants.
01:00:51Get dressed.
01:00:52I don't know if I feel up to it, really.
01:00:54You don't look that great, but if you eat someone on the way and rejuvenate a little bit...
01:00:57I'm fine.
01:00:58You could probably wear a mask or something.
01:01:00Just leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet.
01:01:03What are you bidding on?
01:01:05I'm bidding on a table.
01:01:07Are you coming or not?
01:01:08No.
01:01:09I'm going to go change.
01:01:10We're leaving in ten minutes.
01:01:11Have a good time.
01:01:30We tend to often, you know, without getting into that kind of...
01:01:34stuff.
01:01:35I'm really sick of that.
01:01:36But, you know, it's just...
01:01:37It's harder for us to actually chase people down.
01:01:40Come on.
01:01:41Cheers.
01:01:42Um, Gary...
01:01:43Gary and Elish.
01:01:44They're...
01:01:45Hi.
01:01:46They're...
01:01:47They're...
01:01:48They're...
01:01:49These groaning...
01:01:50These groaning skies.
01:01:51So we're at the unholy masquerade.
01:01:54It's great.
01:01:55This is my mask.
01:01:57Which I made for the occasion.
01:02:00Hey.
01:02:01Jackie.
01:02:02Yeah?
01:02:03This is an undead party.
01:02:04Yeah, I'm a vampire.
01:02:05You'll have your...
01:02:06I'm a vampire.
01:02:07I'm a vampire.
01:02:08I'm a vampire.
01:02:09I'm a vampire.
01:02:10Great.
01:02:11Yeah.
01:02:12So, um, who bit you?
01:02:13Oh, Nick.
01:02:14Oh, Greg?
01:02:15Yeah.
01:02:16Right.
01:02:17Okay.
01:02:18Deacon!
01:02:21Pretty rude because she was my...
01:02:24Servant.
01:02:25She was a pretty useless servant.
01:02:26I wouldn't worry.
01:02:27Yeah, it's good.
01:02:28Still, I would have been appreciated if you would ask...
01:02:31How's Stu?
01:02:32Stu's got reserves.
01:02:33Oh, he's here.
01:02:34Stu!
01:02:35Stu!
01:02:36Hey!
01:02:37Hey!
01:02:38How are you?
01:02:39Hey!
01:02:40Oh, good job.
01:02:41Has anyone looked at you like they want to eat you, Dom?
01:02:43Uh, no.
01:02:44Can you hear me at the back?
01:02:46On behalf of the Weldington Vampire Society, the Lower Hutt Vampire and Witch Club, and the Karori Zombie Society, we welcome you here tonight.
01:02:59We're raffling a live meat pack this year.
01:03:02You can inspect the prize over here to my left.
01:03:05It's a wonderful prize.
01:03:07It's only $10 each, or $45 for a book of five.
01:03:11Now, without further ado, it's my very great pleasure to introduce to you this year's guest of honour, Pauline Ivalovic.
01:03:27Gets the beast.
01:03:29The beast is the name I give to my ex-girlfriend, Pauline.
01:03:34She prefers Pauline.
01:03:36We had a very intense relationship.
01:03:39We were very sexually explosive.
01:03:43Last time I saw her, she impaled me and called me an asshole.
01:03:48She said all kinds of things that really hurt me.
01:03:52And all this while I was impaled on a lamppost.
01:03:56Well, everyone, I will be mingling around and I really hope that I will meet all of you.
01:04:09Hello.
01:04:22That's the new guy.
01:04:24We don't even know what kind of vampire he is.
01:04:27If he is a vampire.
01:04:28Do you see his face?
01:04:29Oh.
01:04:30Oh.
01:04:31Oh.
01:04:32Oh.
01:04:33Hello.
01:04:34Hi.
01:04:35How are you?
01:04:36This is Deacon.
01:04:37Hello, Deacon.
01:04:38This is Stu.
01:04:39Good night, Stu.
01:04:40How are you?
01:04:41Hi.
01:04:42It's Stu.
01:04:43You've got really warm hands, Stu.
01:04:45You a demon?
01:04:46No, he's not a demon.
01:04:48I'm a software analyst.
01:04:49Stu, Stu.
01:04:50A male witch.
01:04:51You're a male witch.
01:04:52You should go dance with anyone.
01:04:54Sure.
01:04:55Okay.
01:04:56Take your time.
01:04:57I like Stu.
01:04:58He's not vampire.
01:04:59So, what, he's zombie or...
01:05:01A male witch?
01:05:02He's not...
01:05:03He's not a...
01:05:04He's neither.
01:05:05He's more of a human.
01:05:08Excuse me.
01:05:09Excuse me.
01:05:10Hi.
01:05:11Nick.
01:05:12Hey.
01:05:13Nick.
01:05:14Do you mind if Stu is killed?
01:05:16I don't feel that good about it.
01:05:18Can...
01:05:19Can I just ask you about...
01:05:21a personal question?
01:05:22Sure.
01:05:23Are you...
01:05:28Are you...
01:05:29Are you...
01:05:30Pre-deceased?
01:05:32Uh...
01:05:34If anyone's gonna eat them, it's gonna be us.
01:05:36But we're not...
01:05:37We're perfect.
01:05:38They can just go fuck themselves.
01:05:39Nick.
01:05:40It is your fault.
01:05:41Okay?
01:05:42You brought the human into this den of vampirousness.
01:05:44What a plus one whole thing.
01:05:45Yes, you did.
01:05:46A plus one.
01:05:47Lovely talking to you.
01:05:48I've gotta shoot off a minute.
01:05:49See you later on.
01:05:51As soon as one vampire takes a bite, it's a frame scene.
01:05:58We're gonna get him out.
01:05:59Okay, just follow me.
01:06:00Follow me.
01:06:01Excuse me.
01:06:02Sorry, guys.
01:06:03Okay, Stu.
01:06:04Is that over your bloody red face?
01:06:06I want to have a cigarette.
01:06:07Okay.
01:06:08Okay, not that way.
01:06:09This way.
01:06:10This way.
01:06:11This way.
01:06:12This way.
01:06:13Is there another way?
01:06:14Oh.
01:06:15Not this way.
01:06:17Take it away from the vampire, guys.
01:06:19Excuse me, everyone.
01:06:20Can I have your attention, please?
01:06:22Please.
01:06:23Some of the vampires forget unholy masquerade rules.
01:06:28They brought the human.
01:06:31And they don't let us to feast on him.
01:06:35This was a total misunderstanding.
01:06:38There was on the invitation, and this actually pertains to you.
01:06:42The invitation, it said, plus one.
01:06:44But it did not specify if it could be a human or if it could be a werewolf.
01:06:49Yeah, but he could be a vampire hunter for all we know.
01:06:52He could be texting his mates saying, I've got them all in the one place.
01:06:55Come on over and we'll have a vampire barbecue.
01:06:57Well, he's not.
01:06:58He's not doing that.
01:06:59How do we know that?
01:07:00How do we know that?
01:07:01He's wearing a bow tie.
01:07:02Look at him.
01:07:03Stu, tell them what you do.
01:07:04Come on, Stu.
01:07:05Tell us what you do.
01:07:06Come on, Stu.
01:07:07Tell them what you do, Stu.
01:07:08Hi, my name's Stu.
01:07:09Louder.
01:07:10Louder.
01:07:11Hi, my name is Stu.
01:07:12I work in IT.
01:07:13I can't hear.
01:07:14Louder.
01:07:15Stu, they can't hear you.
01:07:16They cannot hear you.
01:07:17Hi, my name's Stu.
01:07:18I work for a geographic information systems company.
01:07:20Sorry.
01:07:21What is it?
01:07:22I work for a company that does, basically we take like business requirements from organizations
01:07:27and we analyze those requirements and then we build software to fit those requirements.
01:07:33Here's a virgin.
01:07:34Here's a virgin.
01:07:35I can smell a virgin at a thousand paces.
01:07:38Go on then.
01:07:39There's always a thousand paces anyway and smell yourself.
01:07:41I can't wait anymore.
01:07:43Stop.
01:07:44Stop!
01:07:45There shall be no eating of the human!
01:07:46Who are you all of a sudden?
01:07:48You have forgotten your former lover so quickly.
01:08:05Georgie?
01:08:10No, not Georgie.
01:08:13Like, five years after...
01:08:15Wait a minute.
01:08:17Just one moment.
01:08:19No.
01:08:20No, I've got it.
01:08:22Let's go.
01:08:23Take away from...
01:08:26Hello, beast.
01:08:27Hello, asshole.
01:08:29Hey, don't call me asshole.
01:08:31Don't call me beast.
01:08:33They're absolutely the same.
01:08:35This is my ex-boyfriend.
01:08:36You know the one who fucked that bitch?
01:08:37All right.
01:08:38That's old business.
01:08:39That's personal business.
01:08:40Nice to meet you, asshole.
01:08:41This is my lover.
01:08:42You will not feast on the blood of the human known as...
01:08:45Listen, asshole.
01:08:46This is human and this is the rules.
01:08:48And what is cameras doing here?
01:08:49One then, another one.
01:08:50What is this?
01:08:51You're making a documentary of...
01:08:53This is a private secret society, mate.
01:08:55You don't go bringing your bloody cameras and do everything.
01:08:57You will not eat stew and you will not eat the camera guy.
01:09:00Maybe one camera guy.
01:09:01I'm not talking about bloody here with you at the moment.
01:09:03All your mates behind there, whoever the hell they are.
01:09:05We're going to eat the human being and there's nothing you can do about it.
01:09:08All right?
01:09:09Now back off and let my missus get away.
01:09:11Oh, there's nothing I can do about it.
01:09:13That's right.
01:09:14Well, what about this?
01:09:15You...
01:09:16You can't stand off.
01:09:17You can't stand off.
01:09:18You can't stand off.
01:09:19You can't stand off.
01:09:20You can't stand off.
01:09:21You can't stand off.
01:09:22You can't stand off.
01:09:23You can't stand off.
01:09:24You can't stand off.
01:09:25You can't stand off.
01:09:26You can't stand off.
01:09:27You can't stand off.
01:09:28You can't stand off.
01:09:29You can't stand off.
01:09:30You can't stand off.
01:09:31You can't stand off.
01:09:32You can't stand off.
01:09:33You can't stand off.
01:09:34You can't stand off.
01:09:35You can't stand off.
01:09:36You can't stand off.
01:09:37You can't stand off.
01:09:38You can't stand off.
01:09:39You can't stand off.
01:09:40You can't stand off.
01:09:41You can't stand off.
01:09:42We're a vampire!
01:09:43No! To kill a vampire!
01:09:48What the fuck?
01:09:51What the fuck?
01:09:53Are you okay, lad? Get out!
01:09:56We should probably go still.
01:09:59It was great to see you, Pauline.
01:10:02Ah, so...
01:10:04You!
01:10:05You're a murderer!
01:10:07How we both together equally destroyed that guy.
01:10:11But there was more stew with a giant stick!
01:10:14I heard this doesn't make it awkward for you and the beast.
01:10:17No, I think it's opened up new possibilities.
01:10:20Oh, no.
01:10:22Here we go again.
01:10:23Here we go again.
01:10:24Stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew, stew.
01:10:32Wait, wait, wait. Stop. Listen. Listen.
01:10:35You smell that?
01:10:38This way.
01:10:41Where the wolves?
01:10:43Oh, no.
01:10:44Look what the cat did again, huh?
01:10:45Piss off.
01:10:46Keep walking. Don't hassle us tonight.
01:10:48There has been no hassle here.
01:10:50We'll let it stay that way.
01:10:51Keep chaining yourselves up.
01:10:53Guys, where's your tracksuit pants?
01:10:55It was washing night.
01:10:56My mistress couldn't wash them because there was too much blood in them, so...
01:10:59Your legs expand. They grow into the tracksuit.
01:11:01Oh.
01:11:02Those jeans are gonna rip completely.
01:11:04You've lost all those trousers, guys.
01:11:05Declan, that tree's far too thin. Look at it. It's like a branch.
01:11:09You know how big you get when you transform?
01:11:11That's the wrong tree for you.
01:11:14Anton, I've...
01:11:15Oh, no. You've forgotten the combination.
01:11:17Why did you get a combination lock?
01:11:19I lost my key last time.
01:11:21Okay, well, it's probably four zeros. That's the factory setting, is it?
01:11:24Fuck off to a tree.
01:11:25Hey, werewolves, not swearwolves.
01:11:27Yeah, I know. On transformation nights, it's all right, all right?
01:11:30I'm getting stressed out.
01:11:31I was just reminding you.
01:11:32Stop talking and chain yourself up, you dickhead.
01:11:35Honestly, we're transforming.
01:11:36All right, we'll keep walking.
01:11:38Yeah, keep walking.
01:11:39We're walking.
01:11:40By the way, I find that offensive.
01:11:41Is that fur?
01:11:42Oh, for crying out loud.
01:11:43Don't look at the fur, everyone.
01:11:45Get back to your trees, okay?
01:11:46That's disgusting, man.
01:11:47Hands on.
01:11:48You're wearing fur.
01:11:49Declan.
01:11:50Hands on.
01:11:51It's not real fur.
01:11:52Oh, shit.
01:11:53All right.
01:11:54Honestly, get out of here.
01:11:55Take your humans.
01:11:56That guy in the bow tie, he's gonna go first.
01:11:58Those camel crews.
01:11:59Get out of here.
01:12:00Quick.
01:12:01Take all your clothes off that you want to keep, everyone.
01:12:03Get that army surplus jacket off.
01:12:05You've been all just bought that, Nathan.
01:12:09Get the camera out of my face!
01:12:10Just, just, just, just go to the soul.
01:12:12Come on!
01:12:14Come on, Stu, run!
01:12:15No!
01:12:18Let's go, let's go!
01:12:26Shit!
01:12:27I got one!
01:12:28Ah!
01:12:29Ah!
01:12:30Ah!
01:12:31Ah!
01:12:32Ah!
01:12:33Ah!
01:12:38Ah!
01:12:39Ah!
01:12:40Ah!
01:12:41Ah!
01:12:42Ah!
01:12:43Ah!
01:12:44continue!
01:12:45Ah!
01:12:46Ah!
01:12:47Okay.
01:12:48Oh, gotta work!
01:12:50Ah!
01:12:54Ah!
01:12:55Stu, Stu, Stu!
01:12:58Stu!
01:13:04Ah!
01:13:05Ah!
01:13:06Ah!
01:13:07Ah!
01:13:08Ah!
01:13:09Oh, Stu!
01:13:11Stu!
01:13:13Fuck off, Arthur!
01:13:17Fuck off!
01:13:19Fuck off!
01:13:21Get off, Sid!
01:13:23Oi!
01:13:25He's ticked Jacob, Arthur!
01:13:31Ah! Stupid werewolf!
01:13:33Get away, Nick!
01:13:35Don't look at him, Blimey!
01:13:37Stu!
01:13:39He's a really good dude!
01:13:41Leave him alone!
01:13:43Don't look at the blood, Nick!
01:13:45Stu!
01:13:57There he is.
01:14:01He's probably still a little upset
01:14:03having seen his best friend
01:14:05disemboweled by werewolves.
01:14:09Nick!
01:14:11I found you!
01:14:13Whoa!
01:14:15That was pretty full-on, eh?
01:14:19But this is what happens when you're a vampire.
01:14:29You have to watch everyone die.
01:14:33Your mother and father
01:14:35or your friends
01:14:37sometimes brutal
01:14:39like slipping and falling onto a giant spike
01:14:45or falling asleep
01:14:47in an autumn pile of leaves
01:14:49and having some of them
01:14:51block your windpipe
01:14:53or
01:14:55making the simple mistake
01:14:57of fashioning a mask out of crackers
01:14:59and being attacked by ducks
01:15:01and being attacked by ducks
01:15:03geese
01:15:05swans
01:15:07all simply dying of old age
01:15:11but even old age is brutal
01:15:13watching your friends
01:15:15grow old
01:15:17they can't piss
01:15:19and they say stupid things
01:15:21and their brains go
01:15:23can't remember anything
01:15:25and then
01:15:27one day they can't even remember
01:15:29who you are
01:15:31and you wish they were dead
01:15:33and then they do die
01:15:35no
01:15:41if I know Stu
01:15:43this was probably the way he wanted to go
01:15:45disemboweled
01:15:47by werewolves
01:15:49blood and guts
01:15:51splayed onto the trees
01:15:53his face torn to shreds
01:16:05I hope I made you feel better
01:16:15well from what we can see and gather
01:16:17looks like there's been a bit of a dog attack
01:16:19that's really what happens when you get you know
01:16:21dangerous dogs out on the streets
01:16:23not being looked after
01:16:25this is not good
01:16:27no not good at all
01:16:29there's nicer ways to go than being
01:16:31torn apart by what looks like a pack of dogs
01:16:33more than just one
01:16:34I'd say so
01:16:35these attacks are becoming more and more frequent
01:16:36they're happening on a monthly basis
01:16:38and it's just it's no good for anybody okay
01:16:40especially not the dogs
01:16:41certainly not the community
01:16:42you're right Leary
01:16:43you've got the bastard
01:16:44one of them here eh
01:16:45and that's what I'm talking about
01:16:46look at it
01:16:47end of the day this dog
01:16:48is going to have to be put down
01:16:49what a shame
01:16:52look what you did
01:16:54eh
01:16:55he's got the scent again isn't he
01:16:56he wants to go again
01:16:57he's not finished
01:16:58yeah
01:17:04they say that vampires hearts are cold and dead
01:17:19definitely dead
01:17:20definitely dead
01:17:21but still
01:17:22people have loved this scarf
01:17:23it's a lovely loose knit
01:17:25but I don't know I think I still feel things inside it
01:17:29Deacon
01:17:30Deacon
01:17:31Deacon
01:17:32Deacon
01:17:33Deacon
01:17:34Wakey Wakey Wakey
01:17:35Hey
01:17:36Viago
01:17:37who's sleeping here the curtains open it's nearly morning you want to get sizzled to a crisp
01:17:41what
01:17:42you know you gotta think a little bit about these things
01:17:43ok
01:17:44sorry Viago
01:17:45why still
01:17:46people have loved this scarf
01:17:47people have loved this scarf
01:17:48it's a lovely loose knit
01:17:49but I don't know I think I still feels things inside it
01:17:51Deacon
01:17:52Deacon
01:17:53Deacon
01:17:54deacon
01:17:55wakey wakey
01:17:56hey
01:17:57Viago
01:17:58who's sleeping here the curtains open
01:17:59it's nearly morning
01:18:00you want to get sizzled to a crisp
01:18:01say a little bit about these things
01:18:03ok
01:18:04sorry Viago
01:18:05it's ok
01:18:06night night
01:18:07ok
01:18:31received at 4 20 a.m.
01:18:37hey guys it's uh
01:18:38it's Nick
01:18:39the Vampire here
01:18:40um
01:18:41uh
01:18:42it's a heads up
01:18:43I've got um
01:18:44quite a big surprise
01:18:45uh
01:18:46yeah it's
01:18:47it's gonna blow everyone's way
01:18:48thank you
01:18:49ah
01:18:50it's you
01:18:51hey Deacon
01:18:52it's you
01:18:53how's it
01:18:54ha ha
01:18:55good to see you
01:18:56look at his face
01:18:57I saw them tear you to shreds
01:18:58look you look like seal
01:18:59ah
01:19:00they didn't kill me
01:19:01that looks cool
01:19:02thank you
01:19:03thank you
01:19:04meet some of our friends
01:19:05you're anton Deacon
01:19:06hi
01:19:07anton
01:19:08anton
01:19:09I must have blacked out
01:19:22um
01:19:23and then
01:19:24I remember
01:19:25an ambulance
01:19:26he's going into shock
01:19:27Ileary
01:19:28Ileary
01:19:29he's coming
01:19:30he's coming
01:19:31he's coming down mate
01:19:32he's coming down
01:19:34hang on
01:19:35he's coming
01:19:36looks like rabies doesn't
01:19:37I don't know how long
01:19:38after that was
01:19:39but I like woke up
01:19:40and it was daytime
01:19:47and I couldn't find my clothes
01:19:51those werewolf guys
01:19:52um
01:19:53eventually found me
01:19:54and they had some
01:19:55they like lent me some pants
01:19:59so yeah those guys have been supporting me
01:20:01because I was quite confused
01:20:03yeah these are the guys who turned me into a werewolf
01:20:08do you know your own jersey?
01:20:10yes
01:20:11oh yeah
01:20:12I met
01:20:13is that the moon or?
01:20:14yes
01:20:15hopefully we won't you know
01:20:16argh
01:20:20oh this is a nice place
01:20:21please don't lick anything or pee on anything
01:20:25we were worried at first you know
01:20:28we thought oh they're just going to urinate on everything
01:20:30but uh they're actually really polite
01:20:33and pretty clean
01:20:34there was obviously that werewolf smell
01:20:37which permeated the entire house for the first half an hour
01:20:40but we opened some windows and got rid of that
01:20:43when Stu first suggested the idea I thought no way
01:20:46you know walking into the vampire's den
01:20:48that's ludicrous
01:20:49that's my hat
01:20:50but I thought well we'll give it a shot
01:20:52you know I mean I'm the alpha male
01:20:53so I made the call
01:20:54I'm the alpha male
01:20:55yeah so generally all the other guys follow me
01:20:59just you
01:21:01thanks guys
01:21:02what have you done to your face?
01:21:04I got attacked by some werewolves
01:21:06oh I met a werewolf
01:21:07seemed a very nice person
01:21:09so Catherine's a vampire now
01:21:12yes
01:21:13we decided to get together
01:21:14we just thought to hell with it you know
01:21:16what have we got to lose?
01:21:17I was just sitting doing nothing
01:21:20and he came floating in and over to me
01:21:23and I recognised him it was wonderful
01:21:25yes
01:21:26oh yeah
01:21:27that's right I bit you on the neck
01:21:28that's right
01:21:29that's right
01:21:30yeah
01:21:31and I don't mind being a vampire
01:21:33I'm enjoying it
01:21:35some people freak out a bit about the age difference
01:21:39they think what's this 96 year old lady doing with a guy four times her age
01:21:44and you know I don't care
01:21:46it doesn't make any difference
01:21:47it doesn't make any difference
01:21:48no they can call me cradle snatcher
01:21:50who cares
01:21:51I decided to bite her
01:21:52and we're going to be together forever
01:21:54wonderful
01:21:55yeah
01:22:12Pauline and I are tentatively back together
01:22:15but it's not long before you remember why it was you broke up in the first place
01:22:20we'll start in our bedroom
01:22:26I need that totally boarded up or blacked out somehow
01:22:29my husband is my familiar
01:22:31so there's been a dynamic shift there
01:22:34you could buy a bedazzler
01:22:35so write that down
01:22:36because that's B-E-D
01:22:37I feel like I'm who I'm really meant to be now
01:22:40I love you
01:22:41I love you too
01:22:42great
01:22:43but I am your master
01:22:45okay
01:22:46yeah
01:22:48these guys have to laugh at my jokes
01:22:50right guys
01:22:51yeah
01:22:52that's a good one
01:22:54I always look around
01:22:55make sure they're all laughing
01:22:56like if I see one of them's not quite laughing
01:22:58I'll go hey are you laughing
01:22:59and then often I'll test you eh
01:23:00what were you laughing at?
01:23:01just a
01:23:02what?
01:23:03what are you laughing at now?
01:23:04just then
01:23:05yeah yeah but what?
01:23:06oh I don't know
01:23:07oh test failed
01:23:08test failed
01:23:09there you go
01:23:10laughing now
01:23:11what are you laughing at now though?
01:23:12what are you laughing at now though?
01:23:13I don't know cause I felt
01:23:14oh another failure
01:23:15what are you laughing at you?
01:23:18oh I was laughing with the group
01:23:20yep that's good
01:23:21that's good
01:23:22yeah he didn't think
01:23:23just pay attention
01:23:24just pay attention
01:23:25pay attention
01:23:26laughing with the group
01:23:27laughing with the group
01:23:28and I'm like
01:23:29I'm laughing with the group
01:23:30that's all too
01:23:31that's good
01:23:32and I'm listening to you
01:23:33like the company
01:23:34right now
01:23:35and I'm listening to you
01:23:36that's really good
01:23:37for the group
01:23:38yes
01:23:39it's fun
01:23:41that's all
01:23:42that's not just
01:23:43that's all
01:23:44and I think
01:23:45you'll be right
01:23:46to say
01:23:47no
01:23:48and I'm just
01:23:49laughing
01:23:50I feel like
01:23:51you're like
01:23:52I don't need
01:23:53I'm sorry
01:23:54yet
01:23:55you're a physical
01:24:56You will not remember the last hour and a half of what you have just seen.
01:25:10You will forget the contents of this movie.