Therapy or Toxicity? | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 25) - video Dailymotion

Lerin Gaines

Therapy or Toxicity? | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 25)   Featuring: Coaching Sessions Thursday, Mentorship Series   Thursday | June 5th, 2025   Streaming LIVE on all social media platforms @LERINGAINES   https://leringaines.com  https://linktr.ee/leringaines  https://www.facebook.com/leringaines  http://instagram.com/leringaines  https://www.tiktok.com/@leringaines  http://twitter.com/leringaines  https://www.youtube.com/@leringaines  https://www.twitch.tv/leringaines  https://dlive.tv/LerinGaines  https://dailymotion.com/LerinGaines   Song of The Day: "Put That Woman First" by Jaheim  Released 2002 | Still Ghetto   Burning Questions: Can real love exist without financial transparency - and does withholding the truth equal betrayal?   I would love to hear from you! Share your response to tonight's Burning Questions:   Text: (609) 200-1098 | Email: Info@LerinGaines.com   DM on any social media platform @LERINGAINES (Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, DLIVE, Twitch, DailyMotion)   Sign up for my FREE Monthly Newsletter 'Whispers of Wisdom' for updates, exclusives, and inspiration!   Subscribe now at LerinGaines.com   #Facebook #Instagram #TikTok #X #YouTube #DLIVE #Twitch #DailyMotion #ParentalAdvisory #ExplicitContent #LerinGaines #411Podcast #RBTW #ReadingBetweenTheWines #BurningQuestions #BlackDiamondConsultations #VacationWithMe #WhispersofWisdom #DISC5 #Restoration   DISCLAIMER: The content and information provided by Black Diamond Consultations are intended solely for educational and entertainment purposes. We do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of the materials, and any reliance you place on them is strictly at your own risk. Our content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or judgment. Black Diamond Consultations shall not be liable for any errors or omissions in the educational and entertainment content or for any actions taken based on the information provided.   411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines  DISC 5: Restoration  Track 25: Therapy or Toxicity?  ©️ 2025 Black Diamond Consultations Network  LerinGaines.com

Transcript

04:59You are going to get elements of my financial coaching.

05:05You know, this is for everyone.

05:07This is, you know, you can come here every night and you're going to get some elements of my financial coaching, my coaching in general.

05:17And you'll be right back.

05:47We're going to give you financial literacy.

05:49We're going to give you financial literacy as well, the best way that, you know, I know how to do it.

05:53And I invite us to do it.

06:23If you want to do it.

06:53We're on enough.

07:23Put it in the message, put it in the message, put it in the message, put it in the comments, let me know, and we will see how we can get the podcast at a platform near you.

07:31So let's get into it.

07:32So let's get into it.

07:36Is it therapy.

07:37Is it therapy?

07:38Is it therapy?

07:39Or is it toxicity?

07:41This five restoration?

07:42This five restoration?

07:43We're on episode 25 from one podcast therapy or toxicity.

07:51Interesting.

07:53We won't get into that.

07:55Now, last night with Brian, we helped out Renee from Atlanta, Georgia, and I strongly urge you to go back and watch that replay.

08:07There were so many emotions in that last night show and so many great topics, discussions, breakthroughs.

08:19I got a little emotional last night.

08:20I got a little emotional.

08:23It just hit so close to home.

08:27So I felt for Renee.

08:28I also felt for her husband because just like the book that I read, a snippet from Larry Burkett's Debt Free Living.

08:42And I find myself inside of some of these scenarios.

08:47I find myself inside of some of these letters that people are writing in.

08:52I find myself in some of the comments that people bring to the 411 podcast.

08:59And last night was definitely one of them.

09:02I stepped into it and I had to catch myself a couple of times.

09:05I realized, wow, like you pull back.

09:09I went in last night.

09:11So watch that replay.

09:13Renee was a 35-year-old licensed cosmetologist from Atlanta, Georgia, married to a man who makes six figures, but there was still living paycheck to paycheck, still making terrible decisions.

09:26And we can't just blame it on him.

09:29When we started to peel back the onion and look at the situation, she played a role as well.

09:37And that's an eighth thing.

09:39Whenever you're in life in general.

09:41I spoke about this last night.

09:43One of my favorite bosses from back in the day, she hit me with this one time.

09:49She said, Laren, you know what?

09:51There's always two sides to a story, but the truth is always somewhere in the middle.

09:56So as we go through this here, and as we go through these assignments, as we go through these scenarios, I want you to remember that, that there are always two sides to a story.

10:09And a truth is always somewhere in the middle.

10:16Now let's speak about truth.

10:19Song of the day, Put That Woman First by Jaheim, released in 2002 off of his album, Still Ghetto.

10:30So we're going to get into some truth tonight.

10:35We're going to get into some relationship truth.

10:38We're going to get into some financial truth.

10:41But most importantly, let's all be aligned to make sure that we are standing in the truth.

10:48Because I've said this in the past.

10:51Nowadays, it's so easy for people to say, go ahead, tell your truth.

10:56Go ahead, speak your truth.

10:59For me personally, I thought that that was a great thing when someone told me back in 2020 when I started to open up my mouth to speak my truth.

11:07But then as I started to do research and I started to realize, it's not about my truth.

11:13If anything, I need to be speaking the truth.

11:16I don't need to sign up something that is not aligned with God's plan and God's purpose and redirect it, reword it and call it my truth.

11:32Because it doesn't align with the truth.

11:35Now, when we get into some of these relationships.

11:39And I find it very mystical when we're dealing with relationships.

11:46When things get a little cloudy.

11:49When it'll get a little murky.

11:52Finances are involved with it.

11:54Money is involved with it.

11:56And we don't get into this tonight.

11:58So you want to stick around here because we don't get into the truth and we don't speak about relationships.

12:03We're going to speak about how it ties in financially as well.

12:06But before you get into a relationship, before you get into a situation, before you get into what's the most important relationship that you have.

12:21Or for some of us who got into some relationship and we become trapped up and we become wrapped up.

12:28What was the most important relationship?

12:30And was it really that important to you?

12:35We put other people before us, you know, listen to Jaheim.

12:44Put that woman first.

12:46But before we put that woman first.

12:49As a man.

12:51As a woman.

12:54Before you put your relationship first.

12:56Before you put your man first.

12:58Before you put your woman first.

12:59Can you honestly say that you took the time to put yourself first?

13:03To make sure that you were on point first?

13:06Before you can go ahead and try to help somebody else?

13:09Everything starts with self.

13:16And when we listen to things like go ahead and put that woman first.

13:20Some of us might do that.

13:25We're not taking care of our situation.

13:28We're not cleaning up the things that we need to clean up.

13:31And then we wonder why we feel a certain way when our significant other turns around and does the 180 on us.

13:40They find somebody better than us.

13:45We are not.

13:48Attract to them anymore.

13:52That's way that you can ruin a relationship.

13:56And the best way for a man to look unattractive.

14:02Then, you know, I'll put it out there for the ladies, too, but I'm speaking towards the men tonight.

14:06The best way for you to mess up a good situation to look so unattractive is to be financially unstable.

14:20Another scenario that somebody brought to me, another one of my bosses back in the day, they said, Laren, we try not to have people come over to our homes.

14:32We try not to have people stay at our homes because I probably am getting this twisted the wrong way, but I'm gonna make sure I perfect it one day.

14:44But he said, having visitors, having people sleep on your couch is like having trash that hasn't been out.

14:57After two weeks, it's gonna start to stink.

15:02Same thing goes for when you're carrying somebody else's baggage.

15:07When you're trying to help somebody else get to where they need to get to before you decided to help yourself get to where you needed to get to.

15:15After a while.

15:17That's gonna get old.

15:19And it's gonna start to stink.

15:21So I'll use that trash scenario.

15:25Think about when you have people come over and try to lay on your couch, sleep on your couch, sleep on your floor, or I have to stay.

15:33I'm only gonna be here for a little bit.

15:35It might be great and it might be amazing in the beginning.

15:39And you might feel like you're helping somebody else.

15:43Hey, maybe some people do.

15:45Maybe they have not gonna have a problem with that.

15:47But after coming home time after time after time,

15:51seeing that same situation,

15:53seeing somebody who doesn't want to help themselves.

15:56Here you are trying to help somebody that doesn't want to help themselves.

16:00After a while it's gonna start to stink.

16:06Best way you can ruin a relationship, a friendship, a situationship, whatever you want to call it,

16:16is when you're financially unstable.

16:19You know that you're financially unstable.

16:22And yet you do little to move the needle in your financial favor.

16:34Song of the day.

16:36Put that woman first by Jaheim released in 2002.

16:40I'm speaking to everybody.

16:42Men, women.

16:44Doesn't even matter.

16:46Put yourself first.

16:47Everything starts with self.

16:48Before you decide to try to help somebody else.

16:50Have you done everything that you could possibly do in your power to help yourself first.

16:55So that you can stand on your own two feet.

16:57So that you don't have to be attached to somebody.

17:04So you don't have to feel that you need to be obligated to be with somebody.

17:12Just to say.

17:14Now I have a roof over my head.

17:16We go half.

17:19We go half on this.

17:22But do you really like the situation?

17:25After you sign that lease.

17:27My mentor says make sure you always have your own foundation.

17:38Take it back to the trash scenario.

17:40Good in the beginning.

17:42Everything's great in the beginning.

17:44But after the dust settles.

17:46You don't really know anybody until you move in with them.

17:49And then in that case.

17:50Do you really know him?

17:52Some say never underestimate your opponent.

17:59So I'm going to put that woman first.

18:01I say put yourself first.

18:06Tonight.

18:07We are going to take it.

18:08To Detroit, Michigan.

18:11It's something about Detroit.

18:14Shout out to everybody in Detroit.

18:16And it's something about Newark, New Jersey.

18:19The submissions just coming from those areas.

18:23I know.

18:26Coincidence.

18:27I'm from New Jersey.

18:28So shout out to Jersey.

18:32And we have had.

18:35Some success in the Detroit area.

18:37The Detroit area.

18:38The Michigan area.

18:39I'll put it that way.

18:40So.

18:41In any case.

18:42If you'd like to submit.

18:44A letter.

18:46If you want to.

18:47Give me a scenario.

18:49If there's anything that you want me to dissect.

18:52As we do here on the forum podcast.

18:54Please.

18:56Text me.

18:57Email me at info.

18:58At Laren Gaines dot com.

19:01Again that.

19:02Email addresses.

19:03Info.

19:04At Laren Gaines dot com.

19:06Tonight we're going to go.

19:08To Detroit, Michigan.

19:10We have Marcus who is 39.

19:13He's a full time barber and a part time ride share driver.

19:17He's been dating.

19:19His girlfriend Sasha.

19:21Who's 35.

19:23For about four years.

19:25She's beautiful supportive and she.

19:27Wants a future together.

19:30But here's the thing.

19:32He's been hiding his financial past.

19:34He has $68,000 in back child support from a previous relationship.

19:42Plus two repossessions.

19:44Finally on his feet now.

19:45He's no longer hustling.

19:46He's doing things the right way.

19:48But he is terrified that if he tells Sasha everything.

19:51She'll walk away.

19:54He keeps making excuses about why he can't move in together.

19:58Why they can't move in together.

20:00Why.

20:02They shouldn't co-sign on anything.

20:04Or start the business that she wants.

20:06The truth is.

20:07Is that he is ashamed.

20:09Of his past and scared of losing.

20:11Losing.

20:12Her future.

20:14So his question is.

20:15Do I tell the truth and risk losing her.

20:17Or stay quiet.

20:19And keep trying to fix it.

20:21Solo behind the scenes.

20:27Marcus 39.

20:28He's a full time barber.

20:29And a part time ride share driver.

20:31Out in Detroit Michigan.

20:33He's been dating Sasha.

20:34Who is 35.

20:36For about four years.

20:38She's beautiful.

20:39She's supportive.

20:40And she wants a future together.

20:42But here's the thing.

20:43I've been hiding my financial past.

20:47I've got $68,000 in back child support from a previous relationship.

20:52Plus two repossessions.

20:54I'm finally on my feet now.

20:56No longer hustling.

20:58Doing things the right way.

21:00But I'm terrified that if I tell Sasha everything.

21:03She'll walk away.

21:05I keep making excuses about why.

21:08We can't move in together.

21:09Why we shouldn't co-sign on anything.

21:11Or start a business that she wants to start.

21:14The truth is.

21:15I'm ashamed of my past.

21:17And scared of losing her future.

21:21He didn't say his future.

21:22He said her future.

21:24Do I tell her the truth.

21:26And risk losing her.

21:28Or stay quiet.

21:29And keep trying to fix it.

21:30Solo behind the scenes.

21:31Well.

21:32Well.

21:33Well.

21:34Well.

21:35Well.

21:36Well.

21:38We're going to take it line by line here.

21:43Full-time barber.

21:44And a part-time rideshare driver.

21:47You know.

21:48I'm going to stop it right there.

21:49Not that I have anything against people who.

21:51Uber.

21:52Ride.

21:53Share.

21:54That type of stuff.

21:56But.

21:57If you are not on point.

21:59With your finances.

22:00I think you got to be very careful about running your car on the ground.

22:05Now.

22:06Maybe I don't have that right.

22:07But a rideshare driver.

22:10Basically.

22:11I will believe that you're giving people rides.

22:14Something with your car.

22:18Be very careful.

22:19Because you need the car.

22:21To be able to get the money.

22:23You got to go to work.

22:25And hustle.

22:26And do what you need to do to make it work.

22:27But.

22:28If you're out.

22:29Ubering.

22:30Doing all of those things.

22:31You have got to put money aside.

22:33To make sure that you're able to take care of the wear and tear.

22:36That is going to happen on your car.

22:39When it comes to the side hustles.

22:41And the extra income.

22:44Even before Uber was even a thing.

22:47We used to just say.

22:48Okay.

22:49I'm going to be.

22:50A pizza delivery boy.

22:52Whatever you want to call it.

22:53I never signed up for that.

22:54Because I wasn't about to.

22:56Mess my car up doing that.

22:58I learned when I started delivering papers.

23:01When I became an adult.

23:02And I took my car around.

23:04Maybe about two times.

23:06And I said.

23:07All of the times.

23:08You got to put your car.

23:09And park.

23:10And drive.

23:11Back.

23:12And forth.

23:13And starting up the car.

23:14And turning it off.

23:15Throwing papers.

23:16Without it.

23:17For me.

23:18I wasn't doing that.

23:19So.

23:20When it comes to the cars.

23:21Just be very careful.

23:22When we're out here.

23:23Using our.

23:27The tool.

23:28That helps us.

23:29Get our bread and butter.

23:30Just be very careful.

23:31He's been dating Sasha.

23:33They're in their thirties.

23:36For about four years.

23:38He says that she's beautiful.

23:39Supportive.

23:40And wants a future together.

23:41Wants a future together.

23:43Makes me seem.

23:44Makes it sound like.

23:45She wants to get married.

23:51Question is.

23:52What do you want?

23:55Because that's a.

23:56That's a situation.

23:57When one party wants one thing.

24:00But what does the other want?

24:02And let's not suffer things.

24:03Just because somebody wants something.

24:06Because we're going to find out.

24:07As we go through this.

24:08At least what I got.

24:09Is that Sasha wants some things.

24:12And.

24:15I might need to ask her.

24:16Where are your glasses at?

24:17That you can't see.

24:18That there's a problem here.

24:21And he's been hiding.

24:22His financial past.

24:24$68,000.

24:25In back child support.

24:26From a previous relationship.

24:28So we need to stop it.

24:29Right there.

24:30$68,000.

24:31In back child support.

24:32From a previous relationship.

24:35I think that.

24:37That probably.

24:38Is one of your.

24:39Top priorities.

24:40Is to take care of.

24:41Your child support.

24:42And to make sure.

24:43That you get caught up.

24:44Because if you don't get caught up.

24:46You're going to get caught up.

24:47In another way.

24:48And be behind bars somewhere.

24:50Or have your paycheck.

24:51Paychecks.

24:54Taking away.

24:55Your child.

24:56Your income tax money.

24:57Taking away.

24:58Something.

24:59$68,000.

25:00That's.

25:01Nothing to.

25:02You know.

25:05Take lightly.

25:06Put it that way.

25:07$68,000.

25:08In support.

25:09From a previous.

25:10Relationship.

25:11And.

25:12You added.

25:13Two.

25:14Repossessions.

25:15Now.

25:16I'm not going to say.

25:17Much about the.

25:18Repossessions.

25:19Because.

25:20I have.

25:21Done it twice.

25:22I've had.

25:23Two.

25:24Repossessions as well.

25:25I told him.

25:26To come and pick it up.

25:27It's one thing.

25:28When.

25:29You come outside.

25:30And your car's missing.

25:31Because.

25:32It's not really missing.

25:33They took it back.

25:34And you didn't pay him.

25:35And he took it back.

25:36One thing.

25:37But it's another thing.

25:38When you can.

25:39Strategically.

25:40Set yourself up.

25:42For repossession.

25:43When you know that.

25:45It's not working out.

25:46In your favor.

25:47And you.

25:48Decide to.

25:49Not pay them.

25:51At this moment.

25:52And take the money.

25:53That you were going to pay.

25:54To pay for your.

25:55Monthly.

25:56Car payment.

25:57Or lease agreement.

25:58Whatever it is.

25:59And to take that money.

26:01And to get you.

26:02Something.

26:04On your own.

26:05On your own.

26:06That you own.

26:07On your own.

26:08So then.

26:09When they do.

26:10Take the car away.

26:11You still have some.

26:12Wheels.

26:13And able to.

26:14Rock and roll.

26:15And move.

26:16So.

26:17I don't know.

26:18What the.

26:19In and out.

26:20Sort of repossession.

26:21I don't.

26:22Frown upon repossessions.

26:23Again.

26:24I've done.

26:25And told them.

26:26You can come get this.

26:27Now.

26:28With that.

26:29That being said.

26:30So you're going to have to.

26:31Negotiate.

26:32Behind the scenes.

26:33And you're going to have to.

26:34Do some things.

26:35To clean that up.

26:36So we don't even know.

26:37How much.

26:38That is.

26:39But you have.

26:40Two repossessions.

26:41I'm probably going to say.

26:42Let's just say.

26:43$40,000.

26:44And that's high.

26:45But this too.

26:46Let's just say.

26:47Anywhere between.

26:4810 to 20 a piece.

26:49For your cars.

26:51That's enough.

26:55Right there.

26:56Finally.

26:57On my feet.

26:58No.

26:59We're hustling.

27:00Doing things.

27:01The right way.

27:02So.

27:03Sounds like.

27:04We had a past.

27:05Might have some criminal.

27:08Records.

27:09Or.

27:10Something.

27:11Might be hindering.

27:12Him getting something.

27:13In the future.

27:15He's a barber.

27:16You can be a barber.

27:17And have a past.

27:18So.

27:21That's what I'm getting at it.

27:23I could be wrong.

27:24But he might have a.

27:25Criminal past.

27:26That might.

27:27Show up.

27:28Along the way.

27:31Now.

27:32He's terrified.

27:33That if he tells Sasha.

27:34Everything.

27:35She'll walk away.

27:37This conversation.

27:38Can be over.

27:39Right now.

27:41Here you are.

27:43In a relationship.

27:44With somebody.

27:45And it's already built on lies.

27:48Conversations over.

27:49Relationship is over.

27:50If Sasha does find out.

27:52She should walk away.

27:55I don't believe.

27:56That you two.

27:57Should even be in a relationship.

27:58Because you're already lying.

27:59Right from the top.

28:00Right from the rip line.

28:03And this letter.

28:04Continues to go on.

28:05And on.

28:06But.

28:07This is not something.

28:08That makes me feel.

28:09Warm and fuzzy.

28:10Like this is a great situation here.

28:11Now.

28:13You know.

28:14That you keep making excuses.

28:15About why you can't move in.

28:17Because there's something.

28:18That you're hiding.

28:19In the past.

28:20How long.

28:21Do we want to continue.

28:22To play this game.

28:24That's the question.

28:25I have to ask.

28:26I have to ask.

28:27I have to ask.

28:28I have to ask.

28:29And then now.

28:30I'm not even just blaming him.

28:32Because.

28:33Sasha.

28:34If you have your life together.

28:37If you have your finances together.

28:39You're like.

28:40You're like.

28:41Running.

28:42To the slaughterhouse.

28:43Because.

28:44Why.

28:45Would you ever.

28:46Want to co-sign.

28:47With somebody.

28:48And you're not even married.

28:49To him.

28:51Now.

28:52She wants to co-sign.

28:53On things.

28:55Now.

28:56I say.

28:57You both.

28:58Are at fault.

28:59You got to be very careful.

29:00About starting businesses.

29:01You have to know.

29:02I know.

29:03Good friends.

29:04That start a business.

29:05It turns ugly.

29:07And.

29:09Some people.

29:11End up being.

29:12On the beck and call.

29:13Of the other person.

29:14Because.

29:15We're a partnership.

29:16And they own.

29:1750% of the business.

29:18And they have say.

29:19And I want out.

29:20And how do I buy them.

29:21Out of the business.

29:22I don't have enough money.

29:23To buy them.

29:24Out of the business.

29:25So I have to sit.

29:26And stay.

29:27And suffer.

29:28And go through.

29:29Whatever I have to go through.

29:30Or I have to give up.

29:31My.

29:32Portion of the business.

29:33In order to just walk away.

29:34To get them.

29:35And get a peace of mind.

29:36That line.

29:37Right.

29:38I keep making excuses.

29:40Why we can't move in together.

29:42Until you move them.

29:43Move in with them.

29:44That's a problem.

29:45Now you're trying to move in.

29:46You got all of this nonsense going on.

29:49With back child support.

29:51Two repositions.

29:53She's trying to move in with you.

29:56You know that it doesn't.

29:58Sit right.

29:59You know that something's going to come up wrong.

30:01She's wanting to attach herself again.

30:04To another situation.

30:05By co-signing on something.

30:07I would only assume.

30:09A car.

30:10And.

30:13Talks about starting.

30:14Wanting to start a business.

30:16How many Sasha's are out there?

30:20Are you trying to help somebody?

30:21Are you trying to help yourself?

30:23Yes.

30:24It would be great.

30:25If you partner with people.

30:26But make sure we're partnering with the right people.

30:27Now this gentleman here.

30:28Mr. Marcus.

30:29He's being honest.

30:30While also being dishonest.

30:31Sasha.

30:32You attach yourself to somebody like.

30:34Attach yourself to the wrong person.

30:36They could potentially take advantage of you.

30:37As they will co-sign.

30:38And they will run your credit into the ground.

30:41And they will go ahead.

30:43And start that business with you.

30:45And it can be a problem.

30:48They will go ahead.

30:49If you want to do this right.

30:51Because your friend and your friend.

30:54Is your friend.

30:55And they will go ahead.

31:00And start that business with you.

31:01And it can be a problem.

31:03It's wrong.

31:04That I know.

31:05They will go ahead.

31:06But.

31:06They will go ahead and sign that lease and move in with you, and then you find out what you're really dealing with.

31:12Now, Marcus could have flipped it, and he could have taken on all of this stuff with you.

31:18Maybe some things, maybe they wouldn't, but probably after you got so wrapped into it, you might have let something slide.

31:26You might have let something go by.

31:30This is just no good.

31:37The truth is, I'm ashamed of my past and scared of losing her future.

31:42He didn't say his future, he said her future.

31:45So, I get it that you're ashamed of your past.

31:49I would say stop being ashamed.

31:53Take responsibility.

31:55Get up and take responsibility for your life, and I'd start with that child support.

32:03And scared of losing her future.

32:06Yeah, if you continue to go out on this path, if you sign up for certain things, if you, that's basically it.

32:14If you get wrapped up and if you agree to some of these things when you haven't even agreed to take care of your own situation, take care of your own self, take care of your own children.

32:23So, yeah, it sounds like you know that you wouldn't be committed to it.

32:28You know that there would be some downfalls.

32:30You know that there could be some setbacks.

32:34You already know that because you're already saying it.

32:36You don't want to mess up her future because it sounds like you're pretty much understanding and knowing that your future is going to be wrapped up with this debt here.

32:47It doesn't sound like you want to pay back some of this debt that you owe here.

32:53That you know and you're taking on.

32:55Like, I know that this is probably always going to be a problem.

32:58Maybe I'm just reading too much into this.

33:00I know that this is always going to be a problem.

33:02And if I know that this is always going to be a problem, I don't want to mess up her future.

33:06Because I already know what mine is.

33:09I don't want to mess hers up.

33:11That's what it sounds like.

33:14Do I tell the truth and risk losing her or stay quiet and keep trying to fix it solo behind the scenes?

33:20That really annoys me.

33:23I'm just keeping it real.

33:25Do I tell her the truth?

33:26Why would you ever want to be in a relationship with somebody who doesn't tell the truth?

33:35And risk losing her.

33:37And what's so bad about that?

33:41See, what I've learned today is that when someone leaves, that's what that means.

33:47It wasn't meant to be.

33:50And what we do and what I have done in the past is we try to hold on to things that no longer serve us.

33:56When time is up, time is up.

33:59Be thankful for the experiences that we've had when we interacted with people.

34:03When we became entangled with people.

34:06When we have dated people.

34:09When we've been in relationships.

34:10And if one day, your partner, your spouse, your significant other, whoever wakes up and decides to say that I'm not really in love with you anymore like I used to be.

34:25There's nothing wrong with that.

34:27So if you tell her this and she decides to walk away, there's nothing wrong with that.

34:36The best thing you can do is to continue to get up and get your life together and clean your situation up.

34:41Telling the truth is the best thing that you could possibly do.

34:44And you're going to learn something from it.

34:49Possibly to do in the future.

34:52The worst thing you could do is stay quiet and keep hiding something.

34:55And solo trying to fix it behind the scenes.

34:59I'm thinking that 60, you're in over about $100,000 worth of debt.

35:05Just quick eyeballing it.

35:07You're probably in over $100,000 worth of debt.

35:10Now, I don't know how easy it is for someone like that to fix something like that behind the scenes.

35:15Without getting any support, without letting people know what's what.

35:22I believe that it would be this vicious cycle.

35:24Yes, you might clean up some debt.

35:26But trying to keep up with this lifestyle, trying to keep the things going with Sasha, you probably wouldn't dig out of it in a timely fashion.

35:39Maybe you might pay some debt down, but then you would go back in.

35:42And again, I'm just thinking.

35:49When you want to live a debt-free life, it's like all hands on deck.

35:55In your corner, they need to know that this is a plan.

35:57This is a goal.

35:58This is what we're doing.

35:59This is what we're not going to do.

36:01I can't go here.

36:02I can't go there.

36:03I think trying to get out of debt, period, is enough.

36:09Especially when you are having those conversations, speaking with people.

36:14You have a support system.

36:16Your family knows your journey.

36:18Your friends know your journey.

36:21It's a battle with that alone.

36:25Now, imagine if you're trying to do that and keep it a secret.

36:29Especially with the one that you love the most.

36:39Either way, this is a bad situation.

36:42And I'm not feeling all warm and fuzzy about this situation here.

36:46I think it's built on lies.

36:47I think there's a lot of deceit here and there's some financial avoidance, which is a little annoying to me when people go through that.

37:01I'm just, I don't know who I'm speaking to.

37:04I'm just speaking from experience.

37:05But you know that it's a problem.

37:08The question is, when are you going to get up and take responsibility for your life and start to speak the truth and walk in the truth?

37:16Because if you let you tell the story, this is your truth.

37:21And your truth may not be right.

37:25When we get stuck in our truth and our story, we got to be careful with that.

37:31So, yeah, tell her the truth.

37:34Tell her the truth.

37:35Clean this thing up.

37:36And if she walks away, the best thing she's going to get out of it is a good lesson and what not to do in the future.

37:44Now, anybody out there listening, if you feel differently, text me still 9-200-1098.

37:53Let me know how you feel about tonight's show.

37:56If you have something different for Marcus, if I didn't touch it, you have a different perspective.

38:06You can text me.

38:08You can email me.

38:09You can DM me and let me know how you feel.

38:11I said yesterday, people can believe what they want to believe.

38:15And I'm just so on point with that.

38:21Because it's so true.

38:23People can believe whatever they want to believe.

38:25And there's nothing that you can do about it.

38:28Now, Marcus might believe what he wants to believe about his situation.

38:38I'm just throwing it out there as far as what I would do.

38:41I'm not here to give anybody advice.

38:44But at the end of the day, Marcus can believe whatever he wants to believe.

38:47Sasha can believe whatever she wants to believe.

38:50And there's nothing that you can do about it.

38:53So I don't get upset.

38:57I don't think differently.

39:01Because at the end of the day, in order for someone to make a change, at the end of the day, for someone to clean things up and to start to move things in the right direction that works best for them, for them to become the best version of themselves,

39:17they have to be the one to do it.

39:23Anybody out there listening, anybody who catches the replay, you might be going through something.

39:31There might be some financial difficulties.

39:34There might be some emotional difficulties.

39:36There might be some mental difficulties.

39:38People can give you all types of opinion and advice and do this, do that, listen to this, read that, watch this, go here, go there.

39:53But until you get up and take responsibility and put that action behind it.

39:59Burning question for tonight.

40:11Can real love exist without financial transparency?

40:17And does withholding the truth equal betrayal?

40:19And I say, can real love exist without financial transparency?

40:37No.

40:41I had this conversation yesterday.

40:43Now, my girl, Mary J.

40:48Blige, she has a song called Enough Crying.

40:52And in that song, she says, because the sex was good, you had my mind.

40:55And I let you come back every time.

40:58You will violate and cross the line.

41:02Now, when it comes to these relationships,

41:08the person that I am today,

41:10yeah, the first thing that we usually go for

41:14is the sex and all of that and the physical aspect.

41:18Okay, cool.

41:19Whatever.

41:20That's important, but it's not everything.

41:23But I get that that part needs to be there.

41:25You need to be physically attracted to the person.

41:29I get that.

41:33But are you going to be able to

41:36stand up emotionally?

41:39Like, come with something just

41:41come with something besides just that,

41:45besides just the physical aspect.

41:48Looks can be deceiving.

41:50The hottest thing, the flyest person out there,

41:54in my case is what I learned,

41:57may not always be good for me.

42:00But can you stand to go toe-to-toe

42:02from an emotional aspect?

42:04From a mental aspect,

42:11what are you going to add

42:18or you come here to

42:20subtract?

42:24One thing that we don't speak about

42:26is financial transparency.

42:33Most relationships

42:34that I have been in

42:37and I know friends

42:38and family members,

42:41when it comes to the financial aspect,

42:43there's always an issue there.

42:45always

42:48not

42:51on the same

42:53playing field.

42:55Always digging

42:56in your pockets

42:57to try to help

42:58somebody else out.

43:01Always

43:01racking your

43:02mental brain

43:03trying to figure out

43:04why this person

43:06is not on the same level

43:08as you.

43:09So financial

43:13transparency

43:15is very important

43:17and real love,

43:19I believe,

43:20cannot exist

43:20without that.

43:22But that's not everything.

43:24I spoke about

43:25the other aspects,

43:26the physical,

43:26the emotional,

43:27the mental.

43:29I didn't even get

43:30into the spiritual.

43:35Now,

43:35if we

43:35spoke about

43:36all of those other things,

43:37but most people,

43:39they just rip and run

43:40and they just focus

43:41on the physical,

43:41you're missing a whole bunch.

43:43And financial

43:44transparency

43:46and being real

43:48and direct

43:49and being open

43:50and being honest

43:51is so important.

43:56And people are going

43:57to tell you

43:57everything that they need

43:58to tell you

43:58within the first 30 days.

44:00All you have to do

44:00is pay attention.

44:06And as my mentor says,

44:07when you

44:08stay in the bedroom

44:10and that's

44:10the only thing

44:12you focus on,

44:13your mind gets distorted

44:14and it gets all

44:15twisted up

44:16and wrapped

44:17and the next thing

44:17you know,

44:19six months

44:20has rolled by

44:21and years rolled by

44:22and you

44:22got yourself

44:23wrapped up

44:24and trapped up

44:24with someone

44:25who

44:25is not able

44:26to go

44:27toe-to-toe

44:28with you

44:28from a financial

44:29aspect.

44:31You realize that,

44:32wow,

44:32I've been

44:32secretly

44:33digging in my

44:35pockets

44:35to try

44:36to make

44:36this thing

44:36work.

44:37How did

44:37this situation

44:38happen?

44:38It wasn't

44:39like this

44:39in the beginning.

44:40And does

44:46withholding

44:47the truth

44:47equal

44:48betrayal?

44:49Why do we

44:50even need

44:50to ask

44:51that?

44:54Withholding

44:54the truth

44:54equal

44:55betrayal?

44:55Well,

44:55if that

44:56isn't

44:56betrayal,

44:56then I

44:57don't know

44:57what it

44:57is.

44:57it's a

44:59lie.

45:02And a

45:02lot of

45:03us are

45:03living

45:03lies

45:04and in

45:04relationships

45:05and not

45:05telling the

45:06truth like

45:06Marcus and

45:08stringing

45:08people along.

45:10I don't

45:11think there's

45:11anything wrong

45:12with asking

45:12what your

45:13credit score

45:13like.

45:16And I

45:16would say

45:17that's probably

45:18why some

45:18of my

45:18relationships

45:19did,

45:21maybe it

45:22didn't even

45:22get to a

45:23relationship

45:24because all

45:25of that

45:25online dating

45:26and stuff

45:27and swiping

45:27left and

45:28swiping

45:28right.

45:29Most of

45:29those,

45:30they were

45:31done with

45:31me from

45:32jump because

45:34you're going

45:35to go on

45:35an interview

45:35straight up

45:36because what

45:37I'm not

45:37going to do

45:38is attach

45:38myself to

45:39some nonsense.

45:42So while

45:42most of

45:43those apps,

45:44they're looking

45:45at the

45:46physical aspect

45:47and listen,

45:47I'm not

45:48trying to say

45:48that that's

45:49not important

45:51and I'm not

45:51trying to say

45:52that that's

45:53not what I

45:53was there

45:53for as well.

45:55But what

45:55we're going

45:56to do is

45:56we're going

45:56to have

45:57some

45:57conversation

45:57because if

45:58I'm going

45:58to get

45:58wrapped up

45:59and trapped

45:59up into

45:59some type

46:00of situation,

46:02you're not

46:04going to send

46:05me in

46:05reverse.

46:06That's the

46:07difference

46:07between a

46:09younger version

46:10of myself.

46:12Absolutely not.

46:13We're not

46:13doing that.

46:14So,

46:16no,

46:17real love

46:18cannot exist

46:19without financial

46:19transparency.

46:21And if you

46:21withhold something,

46:22don't tell the

46:22truth.

46:23That is

46:23absolutely

46:23betrayal and

46:25I think

46:26it's a

46:27terrible

46:28situation and

46:29should somebody

46:29find out about

46:30it and want

46:31to leave,

46:33there should be

46:34no second

46:35guesses and

46:36no questioning

46:36why.

46:39Here,

46:40you're wrapped

46:41up in a

46:41relationship with

46:42somebody who

46:42has over

46:43$100,000 in

46:46debt.

46:46that's a

46:47problem.

46:50You need to

46:50know who

46:51you're with.

46:51You need to

46:52ask those

46:53questions,

46:53especially trying

46:54to build a

46:54future with

46:55somebody.

46:56And I don't

46:57think there's

46:57anything wrong

46:58with asking

46:58somebody what

46:59their credit

46:59score is.

47:02I don't

47:03think there's

47:03anything wrong

47:04with, okay,

47:05you want to

47:05show people

47:06what the credit

47:07score is like.

47:08I mean, I

47:09don't know how

47:09it works, but

47:10you never know

47:11who you're

47:11dealing with.

47:12Let me know

47:18how you feel

47:18about tonight's

47:19show, 609-210-98.

47:22That is the

47:22official 4-in-1

47:23podcast hotline.

47:25Again, that

47:25number is

47:26609-210-98.

47:30You can also

47:31follow me on

47:33most social

47:34media platforms.

47:36My handle

47:36name is

47:36at Laren

47:37Gaines.

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47:55of things.

47:55You never

47:55know what

47:55you're going

47:56to get.

47:56And every

47:56platform is

47:57not the

47:58same, so

47:58check out

48:00the different

48:00ones.

48:01Find out

48:01one that

48:02works best

48:02for you.

48:03And please

48:05like, comment,

48:06share,

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48:09If you

48:10heard something

48:10that you

48:11like tonight,

48:12spark

48:14something in

48:15you, you

48:16might want

48:16to learn

48:16about this

48:18debt-free

48:18living thing

48:19that I

48:19have been

48:20speaking about.

48:21Be on

48:21your journey.

48:24You can

48:25head on

48:25over to

48:25larengaines.com.

48:26I have a

48:28free 15-minute

48:30consultation

48:30that you

48:31can sign

48:31up for.

48:32Apply to

48:33see if you

48:34qualify.

48:35Again, this

48:35is not

48:36for everybody.

48:38This debt-free

48:39journey is

48:40select few

48:41individuals.

48:42People who

48:42have had

48:43enough.

48:44People who

48:44are sick

48:45and tired

48:45of being

48:45sick and

48:46tired.

48:48When you

48:48hit rock

48:50bottom, you

48:51get so low

48:52that you

48:52can't get

48:53any lower.

48:56Those are

48:56the people

48:57that I'm

48:57speaking to.

48:59When you

49:00think about

49:01swiping your

49:02credit card,

49:04you can't

49:05because you

49:06already cut

49:07them up.

49:08You know

49:09that there's

49:10no going

49:10back.

49:13You're

49:13having

49:13paycheck to

49:14paycheck.

49:15You're tired

49:15of robbing

49:16Peter to

49:16pay Paul.

49:17you might

49:21be like

49:22Marcus with

49:23the two

49:23possessions.

49:28Whatever your

49:28situation might

49:29be, you

49:32know that

49:33that's not

49:33what you

49:33want.

49:34You're not

49:35selling for

49:35it.

49:38You deserve

49:39better.

49:40You know

49:41that you

49:41deserve better.

49:42You know

49:42that you

49:42are better

49:43than your

49:44current

49:44circumstances.

49:47sign up

49:49for that

49:49free 15

49:50minute

49:50consultation

49:51focusing on

49:52debt-free

49:53living from

49:54four different

49:55lenses,

49:56spiritual,

49:57mental,

49:58physical,

49:58and financial

49:59wellness.

50:01Free 15

50:02minute

50:02consultation

50:03at

50:03laryngaines.com.

50:06You can

50:07also sign up

50:08for my

50:08free

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50:11Whispers of

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50:19once a

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50:21debt-free

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50:24mental,

50:24physical,

50:25financial

50:27realms.

50:28All of

50:29that information

50:29is at

50:30laryngaines.com.

50:32I want to

50:33say thank you

50:33so much for

50:34joining in

50:35tonight.

50:36Please do me

50:37a favor.

50:38Please hit that

50:38like button.

50:41Subscribe,

50:42tag a friend,

50:43invite them in,

50:44let them

50:45know what

50:46we have

50:46going on

50:47here.

50:48Come back,

50:49stick around.

50:50You never

50:50know what

50:50you're going

50:51to get here

50:51on the

50:514-in-1

50:52podcast.

50:54And on

50:54that note,

50:55I will see

50:55you when

50:55I see you.

50:56Thank you

50:57so much.

50:58Take care.

50:59Have a good

51:00night.

51:00Bye-bye.

51:02Bye-bye.

51:03Bye-bye.

51:04Bye-bye.

51:05Bye-bye.

51:06Bye-bye.

51:07Bye-bye.

51:08Bye-bye.

51:09Bye-bye.

51:10Bye-bye.

51:11Bye-bye.

51:12Bye-bye.

51:13Bye-bye.

51:14Bye-bye.

51:15Bye-bye.

51:16Bye-bye.

51:17Bye-bye.

51:18Bye-bye.

51:19Bye-bye.

51:20Bye-bye.

51:21Bye-bye.

51:22Bye-bye.

51:23Bye-bye.

51:24Bye-bye.

51:25Bye-bye.

51:26Bye-bye.

Therapy or Toxicity? | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 25)

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