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00:00This video has been classified as M.
00:04It is recommended for people aged 15 years and over.
00:09I broke up with Jeffrey.
00:11What? Why?
00:12He just keeps saying how much he likes me.
00:14What a dick.
00:15No, like, you don't understand, it's all the time, constantly, just constantly, all the time, how much he likes me.
00:18And then I have to think of nice things to say, and it never can.
00:21And I think it's because I think I don't really like him, you know?
00:23I think, I think, I think I just am grateful that he has so many muscles and he's willing to kiss me.
00:27Niamh's coming over today to talk about the baby, about what we're going to do.
00:32Oh, shit. I think he's coming.
00:34What, he's still there?
00:35Yeah, he went to the bathroom to cry.
00:38I feel horrible that we wasted this conversation on my less important problems.
00:41Do you feel at all horrible that you didn't wait for him to leave before you called me?
00:45When you say you're going to decide what you're going to do with the baby, do you mean you're deciding if you're going to have an abortion?
00:50Yeah, I guess so.
00:51Oh, man, that's fucked.
00:52But I've really got to go.
00:53Oh, there we go.
00:57You okay?
00:59I don't have the most energy talking to you about it.
01:07One, two, one, two.
01:10Josh?
01:24I made you a sandwich.
01:40I've decided to do internet dating.
01:42Okay.
01:42And I need a photo for the, um, profile thing.
01:46Good.
01:46Okay.
01:49What?
01:50Come on.
01:51Why are you looking at me like that?
01:52Come on.
01:53What?
01:54Come on.
01:54I need you.
01:56I really need you.
01:57And I love you.
01:58Okay, fine.
01:59Yes, fine.
02:00Good.
02:02Maybe you could try smiling.
02:03So when did you start being gay?
02:09Oh, what?
02:10No.
02:11I don't, I don't know.
02:12Oh, did you just realise or what?
02:14No, I had an idea, you know?
02:16I just sort of hoped it was a phase.
02:18It's not a phase?
02:20No.
02:23Who's it from?
02:24Geoffrey.
02:24Oh, he's so lovely, Josh.
02:26Oh, yeah.
02:27We broke up.
02:28Oh, you okay?
02:30Yeah.
02:31No, I broke up with him, so I'm the winner.
02:35Oh, no, come on.
02:35Show me the photos.
02:36I can't stand this.
02:37Show it to me.
02:37Show it to me.
02:39Oh, oh, Josh, they're awful.
02:43Oh, they're so awful.
02:45No, I think I should get more of my boobs out.
02:47Really?
02:48You think I could get more of my boobs out?
02:49Come on, take a photo of my boobs.
02:50Yes, I guess boys kind of like that.
02:52Yeah, take the boobs.
02:53Oh, no.
02:53No, don't be silly.
02:55Is that better?
02:56No.
02:57Josh, take it.
02:58Josh!
02:59No.
02:59Take it with the boobs out.
03:02Josh, don't be silly.
03:03No.
03:06Who did this?
03:08What?
03:08I have been reported to Vic Rhodes for dangerous driving.
03:12Apparently, if you're old, people can just spy on you and dub you into the authorities
03:17and you're punished for it.
03:18Old people get penalised and have to redo their test.
03:22You're not old, are you?
03:23Are you old?
03:24You know, like a day over 12.
03:26Did you do this?
03:26No, I didn't do it.
03:27But you think I'm a bad driver.
03:29I think you're the worst.
03:30Like, I think you are just the worst.
03:32But I didn't do it.
03:33I didn't know you could.
03:35Otherwise, I probably would have.
03:36Rose did it.
03:37Mum doesn't have the confidence to make calls to strangers.
03:41Josh!
03:41Josh!
03:42Josh!
03:43Josh!
03:43Josh!
03:43Oh, slubby!
03:46What?
03:47Yeah?
03:47Oh, I can't figure out how to put the picture on here.
03:51I figured out how to do all the about me stuff, but I don't know how to put the goddamn picture
03:55there.
03:56Okay.
04:00Mother of one boy and one dog.
04:03That's your headline?
04:06Yeah, that's who I am.
04:09It's not really alluring, though, is it?
04:11Well, just, I don't know.
04:14Okay, I just think maybe you should put something, like, snappy and fun.
04:18Do you know what I mean?
04:19Like, like, hello, boys.
04:20Oh, okay, not that.
04:22Just something, you know, fun.
04:25Yeah, it should be honest, though.
04:27Honesty's good.
04:28That's good.
04:29What's something honestly fun about you?
04:32Um, I guess we'll just come back to it.
04:39I will find out who did this.
05:00Hello, this is Niamh.
05:02I'm not available at the moment.
05:04Just leave me a glorious message.
05:07Hey, um, just wondering when you're coming over today.
05:14It's Tom.
05:17Love you.
05:20This guy says his ideal date is a nice dinner overlooking the ocean, not fish and chips,
05:24and then a walk along the beach.
05:25Why no fish and chips?
05:27I don't know.
05:27Is that a problem?
05:28Do you need a man that likes fish and chips?
05:30I'm just sending him a thing.
05:31A kiss?
05:32Yep.
05:32Okay.
05:33Oh.
05:34This guy hates racists.
05:36Are you...
05:36Are you a racist?
05:38Well, I don't know.
05:38Am I?
05:39No more than it's normal, I don't think.
05:41Well, I send him a thing, too.
05:43This guy is just an honest bloke who likes a laugh.
05:46Well, that sounds nice.
05:47Everyone likes a laugh.
05:49Who doesn't like a laugh?
05:50I don't think he's special.
05:51Oh, just send him a thing.
05:52What was that?
05:54Someone wants to chat to you.
05:56What are we doing, my lord?
05:57An actual person is chatting to us.
05:59What?
05:59Say hi.
06:00No, this has gone too far.
06:01I'm not pretending to be my mother talking to strange men on the internet.
06:04Josh, time to go.
06:06Where do you want to go?
06:06Well, I'm not going to stand around here for days being humiliated while I try and work
06:11out who did this thing to me.
06:14I'm doing my test this afternoon.
06:17Come on, come on, come on.
06:19Dang.
06:19I'm going to be fine.
06:37I've been driving for over 50 years.
06:39Yeah?
06:40You'll be good, yeah?
06:42Maybe you just need to relax a little.
06:44I am relaxed.
06:45Okay.
06:46All right.
06:47Did you bring your phone?
06:48I'm having coffee with dads, and maybe you can call me when you're done.
06:51I'm not an idiot.
06:53I never said you were, Peg.
06:55But you'd dobbled me into the cups, though, didn't you?
06:57I just, I really didn't.
07:04What are you doing?
07:05I'm just, I'm just giving you a kiss goodbye.
07:07Even if you've done that before, not since you were in it.
07:09I was just trying to be nice.
07:12Oh, you're mad.
07:13You're nice.
07:13Shh.
07:18Hey, um, just wondering, um, I thought you were going to come over, and I thought you were
07:29going to come over and talk about this, about the thing.
07:32Um, maybe your phone's flat or something.
07:35I'll give you some Facebook messages in case.
07:38Just, I'm at home, so give me a call.
07:45Goodbye.
07:45How's your mother?
07:50Yeah, good.
07:51She seems happy.
07:54Have you got her doing things?
07:55She has to get up and do things.
07:57Yeah, Dad, she's, uh, she started internet dating today.
08:01Is that safe?
08:02Yeah.
08:03Yeah, it's safe.
08:05Really?
08:06She, she's going to make men off the internet?
08:09I think that's the, I think that's the general point.
08:11Isn't that a bit uncool?
08:12No, Dad, people do that these days.
08:14Yeah, but she wouldn't meet them at their house, would she?
08:16I don't know.
08:17I didn't, I didn't ask her where she was planning on meeting the men.
08:20I hope not at the house.
08:24How much does it cost?
08:26She picked a free one.
08:27Plenty of fish.
08:28Sounds dodgy.
08:29It's fine.
08:31Um, how would you feel if I moved to Thailand?
08:35Are you moving to Thailand?
08:36No, I don't.
08:36Are you telling me that you're moving to Thailand?
08:37I don't know yet, but May wants to move back to me.
08:40Does it mean that sometimes you'd pay for me to fly to Thailand?
08:43Yeah, if you like.
08:44But then I'd have to see you there once I get there.
08:47You'd want to hang out.
08:48Yeah.
08:49That's a shame.
08:59Hi.
09:00Peg, yeah.
09:01We're just down the road.
09:02Okay.
09:04Yes.
09:05Okay.
09:06Okay, bye.
09:07Yeah.
09:07In the sea.
09:09What?
09:10Plenty of fish in the sea.
09:12Probably where it comes from.
09:14Yeah, that's why they called the website.
09:16Yeah.
09:24Hey, Aunty Peg.
09:25I'm not your auntie.
09:26I never was.
09:29How'd it go?
09:31Oh.
09:35Okay.
09:35You're going to open the goddamn car and we're going to have some sort of car park party.
09:41Yeah.
09:41Jesus shit.
09:50It's time to begin our car.
09:52You in.
09:52Five, six, seven, eight.
09:54My boot is spilling.
09:55Baby is driving me crazy.
09:57Oh, what's that?
09:58The car.
09:58Oh, it's slowing down.
10:00Heck, it doesn't seem to be responding that well to my singing.
10:02Oh, no.
10:04It's so weird.
10:04Oh, what's that?
10:05Don't be silly.
10:05Oh, it doesn't let me speed up if you, if you start singing.
10:08I'm not singing.
10:09Oh, well, we're in a pickle.
10:11We're in a pickle.
10:12Come on, you used to love this.
10:13You used to love it when Uncle Walter did this.
10:15I don't love this.
10:16Tips.
10:19Okay.
10:21I never liked them.
10:22And your uncle only pretended to like them because you liked them.
10:25And he died.
10:32He didn't like them?
10:34No.
10:35All he liked about them was that I hated them.
10:38I can't believe Uncle Walter didn't like steps.
10:40How could anyone like them?
10:46Josh?
10:47What?
10:47John, hide your shame.
10:49Hide your shame.
10:50Don't you ever knock, woman?
10:52Stop being silly.
10:52We're going on a date tonight.
10:55Oh, wow.
10:55Gosh.
10:56That was fast.
10:57Yeah, what else am I doing?
10:59That's a good point.
11:00Well, isn't this exciting?
11:01I haven't been on a date forever.
11:02Really?
11:03Are you just a bit terrified?
11:04Yeah, of course I'm terrified.
11:05So what should I do now?
11:06Um, I don't know.
11:07I guess you should have a shower.
11:09Okay.
11:09Oh, do you think I should shave my legs?
11:10Oh, yuck.
11:11Yes, yes, I guess.
11:13Oh, what about my eyebrows?
11:14Do you think I'd pluck my eyebrows a bit?
11:15Oh, please stop asking.
11:16Just do it all.
11:17Do everything you can think of.
11:18Do it.
11:18You go.
11:20So, how do I look?
11:22Yeah?
11:24Not good.
11:25Yeah?
11:27Look.
11:28What?
11:29No, it's good.
11:30I just...
11:31What?
11:32No, no, maybe you just need to...
11:33Josh, Josh, what are you doing?
11:36No, you just need to go and...
11:38You need to go and wet it and dry it and break it down a bit.
11:41Shit, Josh, I don't have time to do that!
11:43Okay.
11:44Just...
11:45Is that all right?
11:46Yep.
11:46Is that all right?
11:47Yep, that's...
11:48Are you sure?
11:49It's good.
11:50Yeah.
11:51What's good?
11:53It's good.
11:57It's not good.
11:58Stop.
11:59It's not good.
12:01Stop.
12:02It's so good.
12:03It's...
12:03Mom wants to say hi to me.
12:18Okay.
12:21Sawadee, krab.
12:23Mwah, sawy, mwah, ploy, yung, dung, mwah, ngay, ngay, ngay, ngay, ngay, ngay, ngay, ngay, ngay, ngay.
12:26Oh, oh.
12:27Oh, oh.
12:28Oh, oh.
12:29Oh, oh.
12:30Oh, oh.
12:31A castle of my mark coming.
12:32Mama, die, ngay, ngay, ngay, ngay, ngay, ngay.
12:34Uh-oh.
12:35Oops.
12:36Nookit wa, rau put.
12:38Kamrai, kwam ru sek.
12:40Kau bai, ngay, ngay, ngay.
12:41Are you ignoring us, sweetheart?
12:45Huh?
12:46Baby?
12:47What?
12:48What?
12:49What is it?
12:50Why are you looking at?
12:51What is this?
12:52Okay.
12:53I was just looking at this.
12:55It's a...
12:56I am thinking a meter away from you talking to my parents and you are looking at girls.
13:00No, no.
13:01It's not what you're thinking.
13:02I was looking at Rose's online dating profile.
13:04Josh.
13:05What?
13:06Josh mentioned that she's subs...
13:07Alan.
13:08Kam lang du prawa kong rose.
13:12Ti online gab num num ka.
13:14Oh, no, no, no.
13:21Look, I was just curious to see what my ex-wife...
13:24Why are you so curious about your ex-wife?
13:26Okay, I'm sorry.
13:27I'm sorry.
13:28I'm sorry.
13:29I was just checking up.
13:30Checking up?
13:31Yes, yes.
13:32Josh mentioned that she was...
13:33No, you don't.
13:34Use your son as an excuse.
13:36He has nothing to do with this.
13:39This is about your obsession with your ex-wife suddenly fascinating life.
13:43What is it saying?
13:44I can't stay here.
13:45I am moving back home.
13:46You can decide if you want to join me or if you want to stay here being curious.
14:04Rose?
14:05Rod, hi.
14:06I'm sorry I'm late.
14:07Had to give my daughter a lift to a party.
14:08She was dressed like a slapper, so I had to wait for her to get changed.
14:09Oh, that's fine.
14:10Nice scarf.
14:11Yeah, the bombers.
14:12Let's go get some food.
14:13No, I don't think we should leave our bags here.
14:15They'll be okay.
14:16No, I don't think we should leave our bags here.
14:17They'll be okay.
14:18No, no, I don't feel right about it.
14:19Look, I'll stay here and keep an eye on them.
14:20You go and get your food and when you come back...
14:25I'll go.
14:26Oh.
14:27Okay.
14:28I'll stay here and keep an eye on them.
14:29You go and get your food and when you come back, I'll go.
14:32Oh.
14:33Okay.
14:34Oh.
14:35Okay.
14:36How did things go with Niamh?
14:37She couldn't make it.
14:38No.
14:39I don't think we should leave our bags here.
14:40They'll be okay.
14:41No.
14:42No, I don't feel right about it.
14:44Look, I'll stay here and keep an eye on them.
14:46You go and get your food and when you come back, I'll go.
14:49Oh.
14:50Okay.
14:51How did things go with Niamh?
15:03She couldn't make it.
15:04Why?
15:05She was busy, I guess.
15:07Doing what?
15:08I don't know.
15:09You don't know why she couldn't make it?
15:12The thing that freaks me out about having a kid is that you could get one and it could
15:18be shit.
15:19It could be a douche and then you have to spend the next 18 years pretending to love it.
15:23Kind of like how your parents were really excited about, you know, having a kid and
15:28and then they ended up with you.
15:33Pretty harsh.
15:34What are you doing there on your laptop?
15:36Just making you a little gift.
15:37Oh, that's exciting.
15:38Yep.
15:39You are going to love it.
15:40I think we should go out tonight to bars.
15:42Okay.
15:43Great.
15:44I'll call Claire.
15:45Oh, we don't need to call Claire.
15:46Yes, we do.
15:47We always call Claire.
15:48Why?
15:49You don't need to call Claire.
15:50No, I think I do.
15:51That's what we do.
15:52We call Claire.
15:53I was thinking it could just, you know, just be us boys.
15:56What the fuck are you talking about?
15:58Yeah, but wouldn't it be weird between you and Claire?
16:00No.
16:01Just shush and where can we present?
16:03Hi.
16:04Hey, I'm thinking about going out to bars.
16:06I can't.
16:07I'm at a costume party and I didn't bring any other clothes.
16:09Oh, so?
16:10I'm not going out in a costume when no one else is wearing a costume.
16:14Okay.
16:15We'll go out in costume too.
16:16Really?
16:17What?
16:18Claire's in costume and she's embarrassed, so I was thinking maybe we could all go in costume
16:21so that she's less embarrassed, like a team, like a costume team.
16:24Fine.
16:25Okay.
16:26Great.
16:27See you later, sugar lips.
16:29Finish your gift.
16:30Brilliant.
16:33What is it?
16:37So what's happening here is that's you there, right?
16:40And then I'm there and what's happening is that I'm sucking your penis?
16:44Yeah.
16:45I don't understand.
16:46Is this...
16:48Is this supposed to be insulting?
16:49Yep.
16:50You're a sick bitch.
16:51You just spent 20 minutes photoshopping a picture of me sucking your penis.
16:55And it's supposed to make me look weird?
16:58Tom, I'm gay, you know?
17:01I quite like sucking penis.
17:04Are you hitting on me?
17:05No, I'm not hitting on you.
17:06I just...
17:07So I'm not going to suck your penis?
17:08I don't want you to suck my penis.
17:09It was just...
17:10You just...
17:11I just...
17:12You just did not think this through.
17:13No, I did not.
17:14Hi.
17:15Well, those are nice costumes.
17:16Oh, yeah.
17:17I think mine's actually pajamas.
17:18May bought it for me on holiday.
17:19Oh, it's so nice of you both to dress up than me.
17:21We just wanted you to feel comfortable.
17:22Yeah.
17:23Do you want a cider?
17:24Yes, please.
17:25Cider?
17:26Yes, please.
17:27Yes, please.
17:28Yes, please.
17:29Tom wants me to suck his penis.
17:30No, I don't.
17:31I don't.
17:32I don't.
17:33You drew a pornographic drawing of me sucking his penis.
17:34Yeah, just to show that you were my bitch.
17:35It was a joke, comedy.
17:36You're a feminist bitch.
17:37So...
17:38Don't want him to suck my penis.
17:39You've been so pissed.
17:40Yeah, I think mine's actually pajamas.
17:41Yeah, I think mine's actually pajamas.
17:42May bought it for me on holiday.
17:43Oh, it's so nice of you both to dress up than me.
17:44We just wanted you to feel comfortable.
17:45Yeah.
17:46Do you want a cider?
17:47Yes, please.
17:48Cider?
17:49Cider?
17:50Yes, please.
17:51Yes.
17:52Tom wants me to suck his penis.
17:53No, I don't.
17:54I don't.
17:55I don't.
17:56I believe you're Tom.
17:57You drew a pornographic drawing of me sucking his penis.
17:59Don't want him to suck my penis.
18:01You're a bit defensive.
18:04It was just a joke.
18:07You know.
18:08Could you imagine how disgusting his penis would be?
18:11No.
18:12Why do you think my penis is disgusting?
18:14Just, um, extrapolating the data based on the other pieces of you that I've seen.
18:18So wait, you two haven't seen each other naked before?
18:22No.
18:23Well, what about a urinal?
18:25We use the stores when they go together.
18:27Yeah.
18:30Josh broke up with Jeffrey.
18:32Why?
18:33I don't know.
18:34He's just, he's just always so there.
18:36But he's so nice, Josh.
18:39Yeah, but he's not.
18:40He's not very fun though, is he?
18:42But the muscles.
18:43The muscles just, they just made me feel horrible.
18:45They just made me feel like I was made out of donuts.
18:48Are you going to make up with other people?
18:50I don't, I don't know any other people.
18:52Well, let's definitely go out then.
18:54Let's go and find you other people.
18:56Yeah.
18:57Please, Josh.
18:58I'm going to show everyone our great costumes.
19:00I'm a mummy on holiday.
19:02Hello.
19:03Hey.
19:04Hi.
19:10Hi.
19:11Hi.
19:13Hi.
19:14Hi.
19:15Hi.
19:17Hi.
19:18Hi.
19:31No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
20:01No, no, no, no.
20:31No, no, no, no, no.
21:01No, no, no, no, no.
21:31No, no, no, no, no.
21:33No, no, no, no, no.
21:35No, no, no, no, no.
21:37No, no, no, no, no.
21:39No, no, no, no.
21:41No, no, no, no, no, no.
21:43No, no, no, no, no, no.
21:45No, no, no, no, no, no.
21:47No, no, no, no, no, no.
21:49No, no, no, no, no, no.
21:51No, no, no, no, no, no.
21:53No, no, no, no, no.
21:55No, no, no, no, no.
21:57No, no, no, no.
21:59No, no, no, no, no.
22:01Sì! Sì! Sì! Sì! Sì!
22:05I'm going to go dance with them.
22:07Come in!
22:20Quindi, che ora?
22:23Sì, che ora?
22:27Ok.
22:28I'll follow you in my car.
22:31Don't go through any red lights!
22:35Ok, let's play that game where I ask you your opinions about world issues.
22:42Ok.
22:43Ok, um...
22:45War on Terror. Shoot.
22:48All right, um...
22:50I guess it just makes me sad,
22:52because when I was in Grade 2 I had this Afghani friend,
22:55and he gave me 20 cents to buy a choc-dip cone,
22:58even though then it meant that he couldn't buy a choc-dip flake cone.
23:01It's so nice!
23:02It's just like the notebook.
23:04Well, Spider-Man!
23:05It's so nice!
23:06It's just like the notebook.
23:07Well, Spider-Man!
23:09Well, Spider-Man!
23:11It's so nice!
23:12It's just like the notebook.
23:13Well, Spider-Man!
23:14It's so nice!
23:15It's just like the notebook!
23:16A spider bag!
23:18Well, Spider-Man!
23:19Invite you home!
23:20I can't!
23:21We don't have to tell her!
23:23Wow!
23:24I can't!
23:25We don't have to tell her!
23:26Wow!
23:27It's so nice!
23:28It's so nice!
23:29It's just like the notebook!
23:31Or Spider-Man!
23:32Yeah!
23:33Yeah!
23:34Yeah!
23:35Yeah!
23:36Yeah!
23:37Yeah!
23:38Yeah!
23:39Yeah!
23:40Yeah!
23:41Yeah!
23:42Yeah!
23:43Yeah!
23:44Yeah!
23:45Yeah!
23:46Wow, I can't, it's just this whole baby involved, I can't, I know, I want to, I mean, I really
24:02want to, but, are you crying?
24:09It's just the rain.
24:16So, tell me about your dog, his name is John, and he is just the most adorable dog in the
24:42universe.
24:43Oh, I love dogs so much.
24:44I think I love them too much.
24:45Really?
24:46It just doesn't feel like enough.
24:47Oh, yeah.
24:48I want to squeeze them until they make a little noise and it feels like we're interacting.
24:51Oh, my God.
24:52Oh, my God.
24:53We're so glad we found you.
24:55We're going to go to the Cadillac bar.
24:57Do you want to go there?
24:59No.
25:00I think I'm going to go to Josh's place.
25:03Brendan, you know you're quite good looking, yeah?
25:06Yeah, we can take you to a gay bar and you can, like, find someone else if you want.
25:09I think I'm going to go with Josh.
25:12Brendan, would you like a, would you like a frozen cola?
25:14Yes, please.
25:15That would be the best.
25:16I'd like a frozen cola.
25:17Me too.
25:18Me too.
25:19Yeah.
25:20Yeah.
25:21Okay.
25:22You?
25:23Grazie.
25:53Grazie.
26:23Grazie.
26:53Grazie.
26:55Grazie.
26:57Grazie.
27:03Grazie.
27:05Guess I should get you a towel.
27:23No, no, no, AFL.
27:24Tom and I made up.
27:27No!
27:27I think I might need to get a new job if we're going to have a kid.
27:30Heterosexual boys never like you.
27:32Do they, Glenn?
27:32It's not over, you're irrelevant!
27:34Take up the ball, you idiots!
27:36Excuse me, boys, I think it's time to go.