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Short filmTranscript
00:00To the stage, Mr. Harsh Gujrat.
00:05Amazing.
00:07Thank you so much.
00:08Mumbai, as a city, I love it.
00:10And I want to ask you again,
00:13how many of you are watching stand-up for the first time?
00:15Very good. Because this is the start of the show, I am asking.
00:17Do you know the drill, sir?
00:19You have to clap. Don't sit like this.
00:21I love it. I love Mumbai as a city.
00:24I have been living here for six months, more frequently.
00:26Everyone here is so confident.
00:28If you go to any other city, like Delhi,
00:30ask a millionaire, what does he do?
00:31He takes a bath.
00:33Ask someone in Mumbai, what does he do?
00:35He is a model.
00:37Every person is a model.
00:40No one is walking on the road, everyone is walking on the ramp.
00:42I mean, it is so bad.
00:43And the one who is not a model, is acting.
00:46Half of Mumbai is acting for the fact that we are actors.
00:49Right, Pragya?
00:52I am telling you, I was travelling in an auto.
00:53The auto driver said, I act.
00:55I said, you are driving an auto. He said, I am driving it to be humble.
00:58I swear to God, I couldn't tell him that I am a comedian.
01:01He said, what are you? I said, I am a passenger.
01:03Take it off.
01:05I am telling you, I have seen such a city in Mumbai.
01:07There are less holes here, but more actors.
01:10I feel that when a rooster crows here in the morning,
01:12that too in Bang, it speaks action.
01:15Mr. Mudar, I am not talking about you.
01:18You are from Delhi. A lot of people are from Delhi.
01:19Sir, you are from Delhi. There are not so many traffic rules in Delhi.
01:21If you are there, you are on the red light.
01:23You are on the red light.
01:24The guy from behind starts abusing.
01:25Will you walk on the green light?
01:28I have seen Bollywood marriages.
01:30You have set such wrong examples.
01:32By God, the Bollywood people.
01:34Tapsee had such a wonderful marriage.
01:36No one knew when she came and when she left.
01:38Just like her films.
01:40I...
01:44I am very happy with her.
01:46No one knew.
01:47I mean, forget about anyone, even the groom didn't know.
01:52We asked Mathias.
01:53He said, I don't know.
01:54He used to play badminton in the car every day.
01:57Today, he is going on a horse.
02:00Pragya, I am telling you. She is very different.
02:02She is very intelligent.
02:03First, she did law.
02:04Then, she did acting.
02:06She knew that when her audience will see her film,
02:08they will file a few cases against her.
02:12Pragya, that is why she became a lawyer.
02:13I am telling you.
02:14She became a lawyer.
02:14It's not that she left her lawyer for acting.
02:16The judge threw her out of the court.
02:19Yes, she wore a pink coat and left.
02:23The judge asked, what is this?
02:24She said, I wear vibrant colours on Fridays.
02:27This black is very monotonous.
02:29I love Vani the most in this.
02:31I am telling you.
02:31We have a very strong match.
02:33Our heights match.
02:34I am a six-foot boy.
02:35My mother used to say that I won't get a tall girl.
02:36But I am telling you.
02:37I saw your pure romance.
02:38I fell in love with you after that.
02:40I told my mother that Vani will do the next film.
02:41I will show you.
02:42She is your daughter-in-law.
02:43I took her to show her carelessness.
02:47We ran away from there in the middle of the film.
02:49That daughter-in-law is kissing her other son-in-law.
02:53I am telling you.
02:54There is so much glamour in front of us.
02:57Aditya Seel is the most beautiful of them all.
03:01I am telling you 100%.
03:02I had shot a picture with this man.
03:04Oh, my God!
03:05It was a scene with turmeric.
03:06He looked more beautiful than a bride.
03:09I am telling you.
03:10If you don't know this man, he was a child artist.
03:13This man has done a small love story.
03:15Those who don't know.
03:16He is in a couple.
03:18They are enjoying themselves.
03:19And this man is sitting like this.
03:22That year, he got the best new waist award.
03:28Yes.
03:30If a gentleman is beautiful after Aditya Seel in Bollywood
03:34then he is Mr. Fardeen.
03:35I am telling you.
03:36Because you have the genetics.
03:38You have the attitude and personality of Feroz Sir.
03:41You have everything.
03:42A rich person always gets it from his father.
03:44He will get money, property, girlfriend.
03:46He will get everything.
03:48What a poor person gets?
03:49He doesn't get anything.
03:50I tell my father.
03:50He always tells me to stop hving blood sugar and blood pressure.
03:53You must be thinking that I..
03:55..or in this joke, you didn't get to roast, you didn't get to see the roast.
03:59Right? Right?
04:00You did so many movies, we asked, you never got to see the acting.
04:05When I searched about you, I got to know that..
04:07..he has made a comeback after 14 years, which is a very great thing.
04:13Hey, now call me.
04:17When will you call me?
04:21Sorry, sir. I was in the flow.
04:22I was in the flow of my show. Sorry.
04:24Let's welcome on stage, my childhood friend, my friend, Mr. Akshay Kumar.
04:34He is a great guy.
04:37After seeing so many people..
04:39Sir, I..
04:39..he forgot me. I am standing right there.
04:41I said..
04:42Sir, I also have the habit of going astray when I see a climber.
04:45Okay.
04:46You do it very well.
04:48I am your friend, right? Okay.
04:50Sir, friend..
04:50Say whatever you want to say.
04:52Sir, I mean, Delhi. Delhi.
04:55Punjabi. Punjabi.
04:57September born. September born.
04:59I have this much right.
05:01I am telling you, a day in life of Akshay Kumar is different from the rest of the country.
05:05In our life, we wake up in the morning, have breakfast..
05:07..talk to our girlfriends, enjoy the night and go to sleep.
05:10This man wakes up in the morning..
05:11..and says, today I will jump from the 12th floor, today I will jump from the 20th floor..
05:13..today I will take a helicopter and cross the ocean..
05:15..today I will jump from the rooftops.
05:1811..
05:20He has a team of 11 people. Why don't you make him do all this?
05:23If I had a team of 11 people, by God, I would have made him do everything except for honeymoon.
05:29If I had a team of 11 guys, I would have told them..
05:30..you are going to pee, do it from my side as well.
05:34I reached his house at 9 in the morning.
05:35I woke up at 9.45 and reached there at 9.45.
05:37I found out that this man has been awake since 6 hours.
05:40He has a competition with the sun.
05:43You have done comedy.
05:44You are trying to be the number one comedian in India by saying all this, right?
05:49Son, the comedy that you are doing..
05:51..I do it from 12 to 4.30 in the morning.
05:56You sleep from 12 to 4.30, right? You are in sleep.
05:58Exactly. I do it in sleep.
06:02I do it in sleep.
06:05And what were you saying?
06:06You have a misunderstanding.
06:09Look, he says that actors cannot do comedy.
06:12He is the one who has a misunderstanding.
06:14He says that he has been doing comedy for 5 years.
06:16For 5 years.
06:17You were doing comedy?
06:19You were doing comedy for 5 years?
06:21Only this many people come to watch your show.
06:24Only this many.
06:27Only this many come.
06:28Only this many people fall down..
06:31..in the fight scenes of our films.
06:34And son, as many fans as you have, I have fans in my house.
06:37They keep roaming around.
06:41My family is fine.
06:42He told me that I jump off buildings and helicopters.
06:46That is fine.
06:48But what does this man say?
06:49What does this boy say?
06:50He says that he has a girlfriend.
06:54Why? Can't I have a girlfriend?
06:55If this man has a girlfriend..
06:57..then my last 5 films were blockbusters.
07:01That's it.
07:03Look, now you have become a real comedian.
07:05The first rule of comedy is to make fun of yourself.
07:08So you have crossed the first hurdle.
07:10Now you are learning comedy.
07:11Come on, don't teach your father.
07:12Come on, let's do comedy. Come on.
07:14Come on.
07:15Come forward.
07:17Look at their behaviour.
07:18Look at their talks.
07:19Don't teach your father.
07:21He will kill the child.
07:23Sister got scared. Sister got scared.
07:26Just make them say bad things.
07:28Son, if there were no bad talks, you wouldn't have been born.
07:34I was born because of you.
07:36My childhood was ruined because of you.
07:37We are four brothers and sisters.
07:38So is it my fault?
07:40No, is it my fault or father's fault?
07:46I am telling you, I am sitting on a pot today.
07:48I am sitting on bread and butter.
07:49But I didn't get it.
07:51Son, do you want to sit on bread and butter?
08:00I am telling you, my mother has taught me so much.
08:03Were you a Bhatia before?
08:05I mean, I am still a Bhatia.
08:07I am not a shape-shifting dancer..
08:08..who will change my name again and again.
08:10I mean, my mother was a Bhatia before.
08:12She was a Bhatia.
08:13Whenever she used to come on TV, she used to say..
08:14..Akshay Kumar is your uncle.
08:17So, say hello to your uncle.
08:19Imagine, four innocent brothers and sisters..
08:21..are standing with their hands together on TV.
08:22Your uncle doesn't care about the bell.
08:25Uncle, it has rained a lot.
08:29Uncle, my heart is burning.
08:32Uncle, I don't feel like listening to such things.
08:36In the night, no control.
08:41Uncle, I am getting drenched in mud with Rekha.
08:44Mother said, touch uncle's feet.
08:46I said, let Rekha do it, so that I can touch him.
08:50Now, I have understood that in my youth..
08:52..uncle was being cut by me.
08:55I have seen such a rich man..
08:56..who has started making relationships.
08:59And he is standing in front of the TV..
09:00..saying hello.
09:01It has been 15 minutes.
09:02He didn't even touch his feet.
09:03Uncle, take it now.
09:04He is touching his feet.
09:07These are his feet.
09:08I don't know what I have taught you at home.
09:09I didn't teach you.
09:10Son, whenever I tell you to touch your feet..
09:12..touch something else and come.
09:14At least, use your brains.
09:16It's not my fault.
09:17Mr. Amy Vargh said that Mr. Akshay enjoys this.
09:19He enjoys this.
09:22This is not Amy.
09:23It's a different matter.
09:26I feel that, as he is doing this comedy..
09:28..I feel that I am the first nephew in the world..
09:30..whose uncle is a scoundrel.
09:32Don't you feel this?
09:34So, being a scoundrel is a good thing.
09:36No.
09:36People laugh.
09:37They laugh when they hear such things.
09:39Are you laughing or not?
09:40Yes.
09:41You are laughing, right?
09:42Now, you will laugh more.
09:44I want to tell you that people these days..
09:46..when they hit people, I remember that..
09:48..I feel that they wake up at 4.30 in the morning..
09:50..because they can hit more people.
09:52They get more time.
09:54And when they hit people, I remember that..
09:55..these days, people are hitting you a lot on the internet.
09:58People are hitting me.
09:59These days, people are saying..
09:59What's new?
10:01People are saying that Mr. Akshay..
10:02People are hitting the entire industry.
10:06Yes, tell me.
10:06People are saying that Mr. Akshay..
10:08..is doing so many movies, four or five..
10:09..and he is becoming rich.
10:11He is earning money.
10:12He is earning money.
10:13This and that. I have denied all these things.
10:15I said that all this is a rumour.
10:16There is no wealth. There is no money.
10:17I asked for money from a person for this show.
10:19This person said that he doesn't have a budget.
10:21Don't you have a budget for me?
10:22Not at all.
10:23Not at all.
10:24Son, we make a budget by looking at people.
10:26Got it?
10:27And he doesn't give you Rs. 6,000.
10:30Look at his face.
10:31Will anyone give him Rs. 6,000?
10:34Brother, I..
10:35Now, he will understand.
10:36Now, you understand, right?
10:38Now, when his joke will fall on him..
10:40..then he will understand.
10:42I have never thought in my life..
10:43..that my joke will fall on me.
10:45Oh! Son, he was making a joke.
10:48Oh! He was making a joke.
10:50Now, tell me.
10:52He has climbed the mountain..
10:53..and without eating Maggi, he has come back dry.
10:56This man.
10:57This man was making a joke.
10:58Why are you calling me dry?
11:00Isn't this man dry?
11:01Isn't he a party man?
11:02How did I become dry?
11:05I am telling you.
11:05Yes, tell me.
11:06Tell me. Tell me.
11:08You stared at me so hard that I became wet.
11:11I am telling you.
11:12I am telling you.
11:13He is not a party man.
11:14He is not a drunk man.
11:16He is a man who is stuck in household life.
11:18What is the use?
11:18He is not drinking alcohol of Delhi's Punjabis.
11:20Why?
11:21Doesn't the Aadhaar card of Delhi's Punjabis..
11:23..that don't drink alcohol is made for them?
11:25What do you think?
11:26What do you think about Punjabis?
11:28Do we take vodka shots instead of polio drops?
11:31Are you mad?
11:33By the way, shall I tell you something?
11:34Such people have defamed us, Punjabis.
11:37I am telling you.
11:38I am telling you.
11:38Such people have defamed us, Punjabis.
11:40I swear.
11:42Are we Punjabis like this?
11:44No.
11:44We eat and drink.
11:46If you drink alcohol, you won't remain dry.
11:48You will become wet.
11:50How do you become wet?
11:51I was saying that I am not mad.
11:54I mean to say that you are earning so much money.
11:56Men have hobbies.
11:57We are groupies.
11:58We have lakhs of rupees.
12:00We make trips to Bangkok to take massages.
12:02Where are you doing all this?
12:03You are thinking about Bangkok, son.
12:06You have started going to Bangkok.
12:07Now, tell me.
12:08I started from there.
12:11What?
12:13I started from there.
12:15When you were taking that happy ending.
12:18I took a happy start from there.
12:21Oh, I see.
12:23I was saying the same thing.
12:23Why are the hands of my masseuse so stiff?
12:25Yes.
12:27I was also saying the same thing.
12:28I was looking for something.
12:31Malini.
12:33Brother.
12:35Now, tell him about yourself.
12:38I am a boy from Kanpur.
12:40So, you have come from Kanpur.
12:42Yes, brother.
12:43I am famous for Paan Masala.
12:44Paan Masala?
12:45Do you eat that?
12:46No, brother. I have stopped eating Paan Masala.
12:48By the way, you are famous for leather belt.
12:50By the way, you are famous for Kanpur as well.
12:52What?
12:53Tamanche.
12:53Will you kill a child?
12:55Will you eat that?
12:56Take it.
12:57Take it.
13:04He is my uncle.
13:06You are killing a child.
13:08I want to tell you that you have done martial arts.
13:11You want to do comedy.
13:13You want to do acting.
13:14What should we do?
13:14Tell me. Should we go to the jungles naked?
13:16This man is doing four to five films a year.
13:18People are crying.
13:19No, I will do five.
13:20What do you want?
13:21Why are you doing four to five films?
13:22I am tired of this.
13:24I don't understand what is the problem with people.
13:27What is the problem with doing four to five films?
13:30Don't you feel good that I am doing four to five films?
13:32A man is working hard.
13:35So many crews get work.
13:37He pays so much tax.
13:39It is good for the country.
13:41Still, people are pointing fingers at me.
13:45I don't know what to do.
13:47Should I quit?
13:47Should I not do four to five films?
13:49Should I sit at home all year?
13:51Should I have four to five kids like your father did?
13:56Tell me something.
13:56If his father had done four to five films..
13:59..then he would have been the only one.
14:01He wouldn't have done four to five films.
14:03He would have been the only one.
14:04He would have got all the property.
14:07How many problems would he have in his house?
14:11He should have property.
14:12He should have property.
14:14That's right.
14:15But people want kids.
14:16What?
14:17Whatever it is.
14:18Kids.
14:20What do you want?
14:22Should I do four to five films and keep you at home?
14:24Will you stay at my house?
14:26No, brother.
14:27Not at home.
14:27Keep me a kid in those four to five films.
14:31He has his eyes on my property.
14:35Will you keep me a kid?
14:36Brother, let me tell you.
14:38I am more educated than him.
14:39He started from a waiter.
14:40I have done engineering.
14:41I have done MBA.
14:42I have original degrees.
14:43This man has a fake degree.
14:44He is a plastic surgeon.
14:46He has a plastic degree.
14:47He wants to make Santrayanu Kalingar.
14:50Tell me. How do you make Santrayanu Kalingar?
14:52What do you mean by tell me?
14:53Should I do it and tell you?
14:54I am telling you the truth.
14:55There are such people.
14:56I remember my childhood.
14:58Whenever a guest used to come to my house..
15:01..always..
15:02Son, do one thing.
15:04Dance and show me.
15:05It must be happening all the time.
15:07Yes, dad.
15:08I don't know why.
15:09Whenever a guest comes to my house, why do we dance?
15:12I don't know why we dance.
15:14I don't know. My family used to make me do weird things.
15:16Okay. Don't tell me how to make Santrayanu Kalingar.
15:19This is a ladies department.
15:20Do you make any men small or big?
15:22Do you want me to do it?
15:24Tell me. Do you want me to do it?
15:26By the way, he looks like he wants to do it.
15:29He looks like he wants to do it.
15:31If you are here for 3-4 days, you can do it.
15:33It will be long.
15:34Even Kanpur will become famous for something else.
15:40I want to say it again.
15:41He is my uncle.
15:43Sir, you are Delhi.
15:44I am Delhi.
15:45Do you agree?
15:46I have heard a lot about Paranthewali Gali.
15:48I have heard a lot.
15:49But I don't want to know anything about Paranthewali Gali.
15:51I just..
15:52Everyone has a love story.
15:53I want to know about Paranthewali Gali.
15:56If there was only one Paranthewali, I would have told you.
15:59There are many. What should I do?
16:00Whom should I tell?
16:02Do you still talk to them?
16:05Now, those Paranthewali Gali have small puris.
16:10What can I say?
16:14What do you do now?
16:15Are you idle?
16:16I read poems.
16:18That's great.
16:19If you read poems,
16:20if you remember someone whom you love,
16:23read a poem so that we know..
16:25Twinkle, twinkle little star.
16:27How I wonder what you are.
16:29I keep reading this.
16:32Sir, I didn't understand the poem.
16:34But I got to know that..
16:35You are India's biggest action hero.
16:38You can give him a big hand.
16:39The biggest.
16:41Did you propose to Twinkle ma'am on your knees?
16:44Or did you do push-ups?
16:45Or did you do dumbbells?
16:46If you are a comedian, you will propose to people by tickling.
16:50If he is the director, he will start the wedding night by saying action.
16:54If he is the cameraman, he will make a video of his wedding night
16:58and show it to the kids.
16:59If you want to say something in the name of comedy,
17:02keep talking. Keep talking.
17:03Think about what you want to say.
17:06Think of something.
17:08If I will propose, I will do push-ups first.
17:11Who does this?
17:13Who does this?
17:14If you say, I will stand like this.
17:17What should I do?
17:18Oh, no.
17:20I am BJ Sapatloshan. What should I do?
17:25It is very difficult to make a place in the industry. I agree.
17:28Did you ever think that a guy from Chandni Chowk
17:31will become a superstar?
17:32Why? Do people from Chandni Chowk have a demon in them?
17:35I had thought about it. I had thought about it.
17:37That's why I worked hard.
17:38In Chandni Chowk, this is the system.
17:41First we think and then we do.
17:45I had thought that I will work hard and give auditions.
17:47That's it. It has started.
17:49It is not like that. What did you think?
17:50You will wake up in the morning and the director will say,
17:53ready, action. A heroine will come and sit on your shoulder.
17:55Then it will start.
17:56Are you mad?
17:57Now, if a guy from Kanpur can become a comedian,
18:00then a guy from Chandni Chowk can go to the moon.
18:02Why can't he go?
18:06What is the use of working so hard to become a star?
18:09I have read somewhere that this man's expenses are Rs. 5000.
18:11Where will you take this money?
18:13Do one thing. Be my aunt.
18:15Be my aunt.
18:16And keep an eye on me. I don't know what is wrong with comedians.
18:20I go to Kapil Sharma's show.
18:21He is also after me.
18:23He says, sir, you earn so much.
18:24This and that. He is also after me.
18:26What is the problem with earning?
18:29Do you want to get your sister married to me?
18:32That how much I am earning.
18:33I don't know what happens to a comedian.
18:35He looks like a beggar.
18:38Sir, I don't want to be a comedian.
18:39I want to do movies. I want to become an actor.
18:42Then come forward and talk.
18:43I want to tell you that when you can do a movie with these people..
18:47..then what is wrong with me?
18:49Your face.
18:50No. He said it.
18:52Look, your friend said it. His face.
18:53His face is deep.
18:55He..
18:56No, not hard.
18:58No, it's not hard. He must have opened the front camera.
19:02Tell me.
19:03Look at your Pragya.
19:05She has studied law.
19:06Yes, she has studied law.
19:07But you didn't become a lawyer.
19:09You entered Miss India also, right?
19:11But you didn't become Miss India also.
19:15Now you are acting.
19:21No, I am acting.
19:23You are smart.
19:24You got the best debutant award.
19:27You got it in the film fair.
19:29Do one thing. Think of it as your lifetime achievement.
19:41I love you so much. Do you know?
19:46I love you so much. Do you know?
19:50I leave everything for you. Do you know?
19:55I follow your instructions.
19:57A big round of applause.
19:5815th of August.
20:00In Khel Khel.
20:02This superstar, this super cast.
20:05Mr. Akshay, of course. Mr. Aditya.
20:06Mr. Mudassir is the director.
20:07And Pragya, this is your first film.
20:10I am doing it.
20:11Yes, this is your first.
20:12This is Fardeen's comeback.
20:13I think we are very excited.
20:14Go and tell them how excited you are.
20:17Amazing.
20:19Go and tell everyone about this film.
20:21Thank you so much for coming, everyone.
20:23I hope you like the show.
20:24I hope you laughed so much for the first time in your life.
20:27Because we tried a lot.
20:28Thank you so much. Have a great time.
20:29Bye-bye. See you.
20:31I am Vicky Kaushal. This is my stage.
20:33You are my audience.
20:34I am very happy with my world.
20:35Do you understand what I am saying?
20:37What else? What else?
20:40What else?
20:43I said, dad, we are going to Bangkok.
20:45He said, my dad will get washed there.
20:46I said, dad, we will have to do it there first.
20:58Why do you make my videos, you boy?
21:02That's why you take out the camera as soon as I become your girlfriend.
21:05Then you keep saying, I will delete it.
21:10Three or four guys.
21:11If you get all four of them together,
21:12then you will not be able to express your youth.
21:14How old are you, son?
21:1717.
21:24You fall in love at 17.
21:25And you tell your girlfriend, I want loyalty.
21:28She will ask you, did you go through puberty?
21:33Her girlfriend will text her at night.
21:35She will say, what is the plan for tonight?
21:36She will say, what plan?
21:40You won't understand a single joke, you boy.
21:42We will talk to you a little.
21:44What is your name?
21:45No, ma'am.
21:47Shruti.
21:48Shruti.
21:49Are you married or not?
21:50Not yet.
21:51Not yet.
21:51What do you like the most about this man?
21:55Huh?
21:56He has a lot of patience.
21:57He has a lot of patience.
22:00I can see that.
22:02You have been holding his hand for an hour,
22:03but he didn't move.
22:06He is saying, no, no, no.
22:07And what do you like about ma'am?
22:10She takes care of small things.
22:11She takes care of your small things.
22:31She is giving him water.
22:41The 17-year-old boy is happy.
22:45For the first time in the entire show,
22:46he said, relatable brother.
22:52Does anyone want to tell me
22:53where he will go on his honeymoon?
22:53Does anyone want to tell me?
22:54Anywhere.
22:55Where will you go, sir?
22:56Singapore and Thailand, sir.
22:57Huh?
22:58Singapore and Thailand.
22:58You will go to Thailand?
23:03He will go to Thailand on his honeymoon.
23:05He is the first idiot who is going to Agra
23:06and is taking his wallet with him.
23:10I will go to Agra.
23:11I will give you the money.
23:12You just have to come.
23:13I will give you the money.
23:14I will give you the money.
23:15I will give you the money.
23:22I had brought Taj Mahal with me.
23:27Very good, brother.
23:28Very good.
23:29Do you guys think I am Vikki Kaushal?
23:34What?
23:35Vikki Kaushal is the cheapest.
23:36Huh?
23:37Vikki Kaushal is the cheapest.
23:37Vikki Kaushal is the cheapest?
23:38When you know that I am hitting everyone,
23:41then don't come in between and do this and that.
23:48Don't mess with me.
23:50There are many brave boys like you, man.
23:59One of you was saved, he is 17 years old.
24:02One of you was saved, he is 17 years old.
24:10I am very relaxed.
24:12Don't talk too much.
24:19What are you saying?
24:21It's not a small talk.
24:23When did you take it?
24:31When did you take it?
24:38I had released my first video 2-3 years ago.
24:41I thought the crowd was running after me.
24:43Now everything is fine.
24:45At that time, no one recognized me in Delhi.
24:47I used to wear a video t-shirt and roam around.
24:49I used to travel in the metro.
24:51There was a crowd.
24:53No one recognized me.
24:55I was thinking that there are 2 million people
24:57who are not coming on the roads.
24:58There is a metro station near Hauz Khas.
25:00One day, a girl recognized me for the first time.
25:02That day, I got emotional.
25:04She looked at me from a distance.
25:06She said,
25:09She said,
25:11She said,
25:13She said,
25:15Where did you get the metro for Hauz Khas?
25:19I said,
25:21She just left my feet.
25:23She was so rude.
25:25She said,
25:26I will stop you.
25:28Since I released the video,
25:30People have been making faces.
25:32They are saying Vicky Kaushal, Sunny Kaushal,
25:34Veena Kaushal.
25:36The girls who know Vicky Kaushal's name,
25:38They behave like this.
25:40For 15 minutes, a girl used to look at me
25:42And do this.
25:47I said,
25:49Your boomerang is over.
25:51You talk to her.
25:53She said,
25:54Why don't you do this?
25:56This process will end soon.
25:58She said, you look like a celebrity.
26:00I said, Vicky Kaushal,
26:02Have you gone mad?
26:04You look like Bhaskar's Kajol.
26:06I said, Bhaskar's Kajol looked like Ajay Devgn.
26:09I am not Vicky Kaushal.
26:11This is my stage.
26:13You are my audience.
26:15I am very happy in this world.
26:17Do you understand?
26:19What else?
26:21You call me Vicky Kaushal.
26:22I have a small problem.
26:24How bad does she feel?
26:26Because this stage is not her world.
26:28She is a filmfare award,
26:30Red carpet, Katrina in my arms,
26:32I am coming.
26:34From the front, a fool came,
26:36Harj Gujral.
26:38Aunt Katrina came out of the corner and said,
26:40Who are you?
26:43Her photo comes in the paper every day.
26:45It came once in my life.
26:47When I was kidnapped once in my childhood.
26:49My father didn't give me a proposal.
26:50That it's been 4 days,
26:52Start looking for me.
26:54At least.
26:56Pick up the phone.
26:59It used to cost 18 rupees,
27:01My father doesn't pick up the phone from an unknown number.
27:03Kidnappers are being mixed,
27:05Man is going to the bank.
27:07Suddenly he picks up and says,
27:09You have been harassing for 5 days,
27:11Your son is in our custody.
27:13Call on landline and tell me.
27:15This is my father.
27:17He is jealous of me.
27:18I said to him,
27:20Girls call me Vicky Kaushal,
27:22He said, everyone lies.
27:24Girls used to call me Devanand in my youth.
27:26Your mother was going to jump from the roof,
27:28That's why I got married.
27:30Mom was making roti,
27:32She said, I will jump from the bed for you.
27:34I said to mom,
27:36Girls call me Vicky Kaushal,
27:38She said, everyone lies.
27:40Boys used to call me Madhuwala in my youth.
27:42Your father had a knife on his neck,
27:44He was cutting vegetables,
27:46He said, son, your mother's neck.
27:48I said, I am telling you,
27:50This is my father.
27:52It was his 70th birthday.
27:54I said, dad, what do you want?
27:56He said, son, because of kids,
27:58We didn't take anything in youth,
28:00What should we take in old age?
28:02This man has 4 raw bones.
28:04Genuine.
28:06I mean, as much as I know.
28:09And this man still complains in his youth,
28:11Son, we didn't take anything.
28:13What else did you want to take?
28:15Did you want to melt the ice of Atlantic Ocean
28:16In your mother's well?
28:18Son, take me and your mother to such a place
28:20Where we can see heaven.
28:22My friends came from Bangkok.
28:24They told me,
28:26If there is heaven on earth,
28:28There is Bangkok.
28:30I said, dad, we are going to Bangkok.
28:32He said, son, we will go there and wash our feet.
28:34I said, dad, we will have to go there and do it first.
28:36He said, what do we have to make at home?
28:38I said, only mood.
28:41He said, what is mood?
28:43I said, that which Shruti can't make.
28:47He said, why?
28:49I said, because the things are very small.
29:00I agree that my father sat in the flight for the first time.
29:02A person doesn't know anything.
29:04He should stay quiet.
29:06The air hostess came to him and said,
29:08Sir, sandwich.
29:10He said, son, how much will you eat?
29:12She said, 370.
29:14She scolded him.
29:16He said, take it for 370.
29:19We will not get down after 20,000 feet.
29:21I am feeling insulted.
29:23Bangkok is going on in my mind. Thailand is going on.
29:25Massages are going on.
29:27The air hostess turned to me and said, sir, sandwich.
29:29I said, I will go there and do it.
29:35This joke is only for 17 year olds.
29:40Should I make you understand?
29:42No, no, no, no.
29:47A round of applause for him also.
29:49A round of applause for this guy, 17 year old.
29:53Actually, girls are tolerating crowd work.
29:55Girls are tolerating.
29:57These boys are scoundrels.
29:59They ask for refund later.
30:01They say, it was a ticket for 1000.
30:03I paid 800 and returned 200.
30:05I have to pay 200.
30:08He didn't even understand this.
30:12But now he understood.
30:14This is not the one that mom is making at home.
30:16Sandwich.
30:17There is potato in it.
30:21I will keep talking. I am crazy.
30:26You land at Bangkok airport.
30:27You feel two hands from below.
30:30My father told me,
30:31I am feeling ticklish.
30:34Keep walking.
30:35There is heaven ahead.
30:37They ask purpose of visit on visa on arrival.
30:39Idiot.
30:41You don't know how your economy is going on.
30:46Three people are standing in front of us.
30:47One from Australia is saying,
30:48I want to see your church.
30:49One from Dubai is saying,
30:50I want to see your beach.
30:51Three Punjabis are standing in front of us.
30:52Drunk in Delhi.
30:53Drinking milk from the flight.
30:54They don't understand.
30:55They say, purpose of visit.
30:56They are asking me.
30:57What are you asking Pancho?
31:00I asked, brother, why did you come here?
31:02All three turned around and shouted.
31:03Sir.
31:11You shouted so loudly.
31:12Everywhere in Bangkok,
31:13I was feeling ticklish.
31:15What happened?
31:16Small things have become big.
31:26I am a very talented man.
31:29I have not seen anything worse than an Indian man.
31:32We are the worst in the world.
31:34I saw four married men at Bangkok airport.
31:36I am requesting the Bangkok authority,
31:37that we have lied to our wives.
31:38We have lied to our husbands.
31:39Will you put a Dubai stamp on our passport?
31:43We are such dogs.
31:45Because no one lets us go there.
31:46The place is such.
31:47My own girlfriend was saying,
31:48Harsh, you have gone to Bangkok.
31:49Our two-year old register will break.
31:50You won't even see my face.
31:51I have been seeing your face for the past two years.
31:52That's why I have to go.
31:57The place is such.
31:58No one lets us go there.
31:59My father got a shock in Bangkok.
32:00Because the man who didn't come out of Kanpur,
32:01straight to Bangkok.
32:03I had called him from Delhi to Kanpur once.
32:04Dad, you and mom,
32:05both have their anniversaries.
32:06We have to buy the same gift for both of them.
32:07That's why I got a safari suit for both of them.
32:10Mom is cutting the cake in a safari suit.
32:12This is the intelligence of our father.
32:14Take this intelligence to Bangkok.
32:15Kalesh was bound to happen.
32:17Go to Bangkok.
32:18Every ten seconds,
32:19a girl is saying,
32:20Sir, massage, massage, massage.
32:21A girl said to my father,
32:22Sir, boom, boom.
32:23My father said,
32:24Shahid Afridi.
32:27He said,
32:28Shut up, brother.
32:29He said,
32:30What massage are you doing?
32:31I am saluting you.
32:32This is their way of saluting here.
32:34After that,
32:35my father is saluting everyone.
32:38He is saying,
32:39Massage.
32:40My father is saying,
32:41Massage.
32:43He is saying,
32:44Why do you want to massage us?
32:46An Indian couple was standing there.
32:47My father went to meet them.
32:48India, India.
32:49He said,
32:50Yes.
32:51My father is saying,
32:52Sister-in-law, massage.
32:59First of all,
33:00Indian families don't know how to react.
33:01My father and I
33:02were entering the beach early in the morning.
33:03There was a woman
33:04in the bikini in front of us.
33:05My father saw her and said,
33:06Oh my God.
33:10She said,
33:11According to your bikini,
33:12Oh my God.
33:15My father and I
33:16were entering a nude beach.
33:17I said,
33:18Oh my God.
33:20I saw my father.
33:21He was like this.
33:22I said,
33:23What happened, father?
33:24He said,
33:25I can see heaven.
33:32On that note, guys,
33:33that's my set today.
33:35An absolutely brilliant audience.
33:37You have been a fabulous audience.
33:38Thank you so much.
34:05Will you let me in?
34:12There are a lot of women sitting.
34:13It's my first time.
34:14I'm feeling like this.
34:16One lemon
34:17with seven chillies.
34:22Very nice.
34:23Are the girls better or the guys better?
34:24That's my question.
34:25Anyone?
34:26Anyone?
34:27Can someone tell them in the back?
34:28Tell them.
34:30Tell them, brother.
34:31Tell them, Ramdev Baba.
34:32Tell them.
34:34Stand up once.
34:35I'm not lying.
34:36Stand up once.
34:37He's lost.
34:38Doesn't he look like Ramdev Baba?
34:42Either he looks like Ramdev Baba
34:43or he looks like
34:44sleep in peace.
34:47You won't be able to sleep
34:48if you look at him.
34:49Leave some space.
34:50Get your hair done here too.
34:52Tell me, what kind of girls are better?
34:55Do girls smell?
34:58I saw the first dog.
35:03He's telling his parents.
35:04Do you like the girl?
35:10He's not even telling
35:11where she's from.
35:12Do girls smell?
35:13What kind of smell is that, sir?
35:19The smell of flowers.
35:21The marijuana you're drinking
35:25is it from Karol Bagh
35:26or Subhash Nagar?
35:28He's saying,
35:29do girls smell?
35:30The smell of flowers.
35:32I don't understand
35:33what you're doing
35:34with these women.
35:36It's like there's only one
35:37planet on every moon
35:38and that's you.
35:39Bearded Baba.
35:42Yes?
35:44What?
35:48Nine Goddesses
35:49and Manshasur.
35:50Is it necessary
35:51for you to hit him?
35:52He's a scoundrel.
35:53He'll come now
35:54and smell.
36:02Someone had a funny
36:03breakup in their life.
36:04Someone wants to tell.
36:05I'll tell.
36:06You told me
36:07things didn't work out.
36:08Why did it happen, ma'am?
36:09Tell me.
36:10What's your name?
36:11Khushi.
36:12Khushi, tell me.
36:13Why did you get snatched?
36:15He started crying
36:16when I passed.
36:17He started what?
36:18He started crying
36:19when I passed.
36:20I think she did.
36:21What?
36:25I eat paneer
36:26from the ground.
36:28I thought I was a bull.
36:29What are you saying, ma'am?
36:30It feels like
36:31you have cursive writing
36:32on your tongue.
36:36I don't understand
36:37anything in this line.
36:39Smell and tell me what you're saying.
36:56Come again.
37:01Tell me.
37:03I started crying.
37:04She started crying
37:05when she broke up.
37:06When she broke up.
37:07No, because...
37:09You both have
37:10the same tongue on the pen?
37:13Are you both the same?
37:15Where are you from?
37:16Australia.
37:17Australia.
37:19Oh, I was about to say
37:20you both look like kangaroos.
37:24They're cute.
37:25I didn't say anything wrong.
37:26Do you understand
37:27what I'm saying?
37:28Yes.
37:29I said it wrong.
37:30It's the same thing.
37:32Come again.
37:35When you...
37:36Ran.
37:37Ran.
37:38Now it's in Hindi.
37:39Look at this.
37:42Australia.
37:44Let it be.
37:48I brought you here.
37:50I'm from Sydney.
37:54Australia.
37:56In India,
37:57no one talks about
37:58the same thing.
37:59Here too,
38:00they've given us
38:01a general rule.
38:02You come last
38:03when there's something left.
38:04As a boy,
38:05even if you go
38:06to the administration
38:07that two girls have
38:08teased you,
38:09they say,
38:10enjoy it.
38:12The lucky ones get it.
38:16Yes, I'm telling you.
38:17That's why the harassment
38:18I've faced
38:19when I was young,
38:20I want to tell you.
38:21You've travelled in trains.
38:22Trains.
38:23You've done enough.
38:24You've become T.T.
38:26They sell paper soaps.
38:28Paper soaps are so bad.
38:29They come to me
38:30and ask for paper soaps.
38:31I say, give me 10 or 6.
38:32It'll be useful on the way.
38:34I have to get lost on the way.
38:37What happens in foreign countries?
38:38What happens in Australia?
38:39Your ticket is not confirmed.
38:40The British
38:41refuse their children
38:42that you're not going.
38:43That's what happens.
38:44Rules fall.
38:45That doesn't happen in India.
38:46In India, parents say,
38:47go to someone else's seat
38:48and adjust.
38:49That someone else
38:50doesn't even know
38:51that someone else
38:52has given their seat
38:53to someone else.
38:54Without asking anyone else.
38:56Bro, I travel from Kanpur
38:57to New Delhi.
38:58I take the Shramshakti Express.
38:59My ticket was confirmed.
39:00It was running overnight.
39:01I fell asleep at night.
39:02For 3 months,
39:03I was confused.
39:04Bro, I opened my eyes
39:05and saw a man
39:06half on my seat
39:08and the rest on me.
39:11He's sleeping with his face here.
39:14Open.
39:20I got scared.
39:21I kicked him.
39:22I said, get lost.
39:24I woke up.
39:25What happened?
39:26What happened?
39:27What happened?
39:28What happened?
39:29I said, it didn't happen.
39:30I got saved.
39:31He said, what happened?
39:32I said, it's my seat.
39:33He said, so what?
39:34If you go in a little,
39:35nothing will happen.
39:36I said, bro,
39:37as much as you go in,
39:38nothing will happen.
39:40He said, my ticket
39:41was in waiting.
39:42I said, what waiting
39:43is being confirmed
39:44in my knees?
39:45He said, people
39:46come to help people.
39:47I said, it will come,
39:48but not like this.
39:49He said, adjust a little.
39:50I said, this is called
39:51compromise.
39:52He said, bro,
39:53I didn't know
39:54when I came here.
39:55I said, don't open
39:56my eyes for another
39:5710 minutes.
39:58Let me know
39:59that you have come.
40:03He said, bro,
40:04listen to what
40:05I have come to do.
40:06He said, bro,
40:07I was smelling.
40:19This is harassment.
40:20This is the problem.
40:21Someone is going
40:22to pee in the train.
40:23The ticket is not
40:24confirmed.
40:25One person
40:26gets on the train
40:27to pee.
40:28You see,
40:29the same person
40:30goes again and again.
40:31He doesn't know,
40:32the sound of
40:33peeing is coming.
40:34The problem is,
40:35he goes to pee
40:36with the responsibility
40:37of his luggage.
40:38Unknown person,
40:39unknown person.
40:40I was talking
40:41to a random grandpa.
40:42A random boy.
40:43Bro,
40:44take care of
40:45our luggage.
40:46No problem,
40:47we are peeing.
40:48I said, go,
40:49that's why
40:50I got on the train.
40:51He said, go,
40:52I am getting angry.
40:53After five minutes,
40:54bro, take care
40:55of our luggage.
40:56No problem.
40:57I said, bro,
40:58leave this luggage
40:59problem,
41:00first check that
41:01luggage problem.
41:02What do you want?
41:03Did the railway
41:04call you to
41:05water the tracks
41:06all the way?
41:07Do you like
41:08to wet stones?
41:09Do you think
41:10the train is Titanic?
41:11Do you want
41:12to drown it?
41:13Bro,
41:14this is
41:15nature's call.
41:16Nature is
41:17calling you
41:18in the entire
41:19compartment.
41:21Four idiots
41:22are roaming around
41:23the station.
41:24They are drunk.
41:25They don't want
41:26to go anywhere.
41:27They just want
41:28to question.
41:29It's written,
41:30New Delhi
41:31non-stop from
41:32Kanpur.
41:33I don't understand
41:34what's going on.
41:35I don't understand
41:36what's going on.
41:37I was quietly
41:38on the platform.
41:39I was sleeping.
41:40A boy
41:41grabbed me.
41:42Bro,
41:43this is Kanpur.
41:44I woke up
41:45and ran away.
41:46Then I
41:47roamed around.
41:48Bro,
41:49this is Kanpur.
41:50I woke up
41:51and ran away.
41:52I was scared.
41:53Then I
41:54got up.
41:55I got up
41:56and went back to
41:57Kanpur.
41:58I got up
41:59and went to
42:00Kanpur.
42:01I got up
42:02and went to
42:03Kanpur.
42:04I got up
42:05and went to
42:06Kanpur.
42:07I got up
42:08and went to
42:09Kanpur.
42:10The train
42:11didn't reach
42:12till morning.
42:13I said,
42:14no,
42:15no.
42:16The train
42:17will be here.
42:18WOOOOO!
42:25Where am I stuck?
42:27Show in small cities.
42:29Not in Delhi or Gurgaon.
42:31How will the audience applaud?
42:38What's your name, sir?
42:40Can I ask?
42:41Gaurav and Rahul.
42:42Gaurav ji, what's your brother's name?
42:43Rahul and Rahul.
42:44Gaurav and Rahul.
42:45His name is Rahul and my name is Rahul.
42:48Wherever we go, we'll find you.
42:50Are you a sperm?
42:53An old man, with all due respect to all the elderly people,
42:56who are old people,
42:57an old man in his 10s,
42:58whose last wish is to know at 6 in the morning,
43:00where the platform is.
43:05It's a sure thing.
43:06You must have experienced it.
43:07He wakes up at 5 and starts beating the whole box.
43:11Where's the platform, son?
43:14For an hour, I felt like a man was picking me up.
43:17Get up, son.
43:18Where's the platform?
43:19Where's the platform?
43:20Where's the platform?
43:21I opened my eyes in anger.
43:22I said, where's the BJP?
43:28Everything is on their side.
43:29The old man got angry.
43:30He said, okay, you're a satire.
43:31I've been beating you for an hour.
43:32I'm not even a satire.
43:36With all due respect,
43:37there are some old men who get on the train
43:39to play KPC with the boys.
43:41Don't they run out of questions on the train?
43:43They'll sit next to you.
43:44Where do you live, son?
43:46I said, uncle, at home.
43:47He said, even we live at home.
43:49I said, okay, I don't see you.
43:52Son, where will this train stop?
43:54I said, stop this old man.
43:57He went ahead of the train.
43:59Why do you want to know?
44:01Wherever the driver brakes.
44:03He said, you gave a very bad answer.
44:05So what's your question?
44:06We're coming from NASA headquarters.
44:08Dadaji had downloaded Tinder, brother.
44:13I said, what is this?
44:14He said, son, don't you know
44:15you can push girls in this?
44:21I said, that's fine.
44:22But what is this way of swiping?
44:26He said, my age is such,
44:27I slip, son.
44:29Don't talk to me like this.
44:32There's a culture in Indian railways
44:33for harassment.
44:34They'll sit next to you.
44:35The ticket won't be confirmed.
44:36They'll start talking nonsense.
44:37They'll forcefully make relationships.
44:38Dadaji was sitting next to me.
44:39He was forcibly talking nonsense.
44:40Son, tell me your city once.
44:41As soon as I said Kanpur,
44:42there was a lot of excitement.
44:43Why didn't you tell me earlier
44:44that you live in Kanpur?
44:45Where do you live?
44:46I said, Lal Bagla is my area.
44:47Why didn't you tell me?
44:48You wasted my time.
44:49I said, it's a cant area.
44:50I live there.
44:51Why didn't you tell me?
44:52You slapped me.
44:55Dadaji, where do you live?
44:56In Kanpur?
44:57He said, son, I live in Agra.
45:01I said, the oldest brick in Taj Mahal.
45:02Did you hear me?
45:04Why have you been
45:05talking about Kanpur for so long?
45:06He said, son, while talking
45:07it's a 6 hour journey.
45:08It takes 3 hours.
45:09I said, Dadaji,
45:10it's the same journey
45:11that takes 12 hours.
45:12He said, I'm like your grandfather.
45:13Will you hit me?
45:14I said, my grandfather is dead.
45:15He said, oh, oh, oh.
45:16He was sick.
45:17I said, son of a bitch.
45:23Last year, I was the one
45:24who pushed him off the train.
45:25He said, why?
45:26I was asking about the platform.
45:27I dropped him off
45:28on the moving train.
45:29He stayed there.
45:31There's an emergency exit.
45:32You can check it out anytime.
45:33It never exits.
45:34It has entrances.
45:36I stood at the station
45:37and saw a woman
45:38throwing her kids
45:39into the train
45:40according to their luggage.
45:41The train started moving
45:42and the two kids got off.
45:43I said, your two kids
45:44got off.
45:45She said, it's okay.
45:46We don't have to go to the village.
45:48What's this?
45:49A pair of shoes got off.
45:50A pair of sandals got off.
45:51What was I supposed to do?
45:52I got on too.
45:53I saw the exit
45:54through the window.
45:55The train was moving.
45:56She took the kids out
45:57and made them pee.
45:58The train was moving.
45:59I thought,
46:00the platform will stick.
46:01She said, I told you
46:02we don't have to go to the village.
46:03I thought,
46:04she'll finish the stock.
46:06Are these kids
46:07from Use and Throw?
46:08People freeze curd
46:09and stop it for a while.
46:14No matter how much
46:15you travel in Indian railways,
46:16you travel for 4 minutes,
46:17you travel for 40 minutes,
46:18you travel for 4 hours,
46:19you travel for 40 days,
46:20you travel for 4 hours,
46:21you travel for 40 days,
46:22you look out the window
46:23in any city.
46:24There's only one ad
46:25running on the wall.
46:26In one ticket,
46:27the man's weakness
46:28ends with the stock.
46:31In one ticket,
46:32the man's weakness
46:33ends with the stock.
46:34Meet Baba Hakeem,
46:35meet Baba Bengali.
46:36When you finish the stock,
46:40there will be weakness.
46:43When the Taj Mahal fell,
46:44what is Mumtaz doing inside?
46:46In one ticket,
46:47the man's weakness
46:48ends with the stock.
46:49What is this?
46:50Is this a men's pandemic?
46:51This is not a men's passion.
46:52And now,
46:53if we are weak,
46:54it's 150 crores.
46:56If we were a little strong,
46:57we could have
46:58got rid of Australia.
47:06Look, I just made
47:07this joke.
47:09Please don't feel bad.
47:11Australians.
47:14Whenever you get in
47:15a general cab,
47:16you will get off normally
47:17and you will have
47:18asthma in the morning.
47:19Bro, there's a pyramid
47:20on top of another.
47:21There's a father on top
47:22of a mother.
47:23There's a child on top
47:24of a grandfather.
47:25There's a child
47:26trapped under a grandfather.
47:27He's saying,
47:28I'll pull the train chain
47:29and stop it.
47:30He's saying,
47:31don't pull this chain.
47:32Your grandfather
47:33will stop forever.
47:34There's a site
47:35of our railway,
47:36IJCTC.
47:37Have you ever
47:38booked a ticket on it?
47:39If you book it for an hour,
47:40you can't book a ticket on it.
47:41I don't know
47:42which stupid
47:43software engineer
47:44of Cognizant
47:45he is.
47:48It's such a stupid site,
47:49sir,
47:50you should also
47:51go and see it.
47:52His capture
47:54is good in Hindi.
47:55Yaar, Allah Washa.
47:58The boys are more stupid.
47:59They're looking for it
48:00on the keyboard.
48:02Yaar, Allah Washa.
48:05It was my brother's wedding.
48:06I had booked a ticket.
48:07Sister-in-law's pregnancy
48:08will be confirmed.
48:09The ticket will go to the wedding.
48:10Not a single ticket
48:11is confirmed on it.
48:12The name is written
48:13IRCTC,
48:14Next Generation Ticking System.
48:15Absolutely right.
48:16If you book it
48:17in this generation,
48:18it will be in the next generation.
48:19And there's an RAC seat.
48:20The day a young boy
48:21has an RAC,
48:22his dream is
48:23that the girl comes
48:24in the middle of the seat.
48:25RAC means
48:26half-divided.
48:27I checked the chart once.
48:28Female, 27 years old.
48:29Sheena.
48:30I started singing
48:31that tonight will happen.
48:32Sheena will come,
48:33sit and lie down.
48:34Something will happen
48:35when she comes.
48:36She was really Sheena.
48:37Look,
48:38no one will judge
48:39on the next line.
48:40This is a story of truth.
48:41That's why I'm telling you.
48:42He was gay.
48:43I have no problem
48:44with gays.
48:45I have no problem
48:46with any community.
48:47I respect everyone.
48:48My problem is
48:49with those gays
48:50who think
48:51I'm gay.
48:52And if I'm not,
48:53it will be a problem for them.
48:54He sat next to me
48:55and pinched me.
48:56I said,
48:57this is not the way
48:58to propose, Sheena.
48:59He's checking me
49:00to see if I'm gay.
49:01He said,
49:02listen,
49:03I said,
49:04go ahead.
49:05He said,
49:06will you lie down?
49:07I said,
49:08no,
49:09I'll lie down.
49:10You'll lie down.
49:11He said,
49:12why don't you
49:13lie down?
49:14I said,
49:15I'll lie down.
49:16He said,
49:17why don't you
49:18lie down?
49:19I said,
49:20I don't know
49:21how to lie down.
49:22It's a loss
49:23on both sides.
49:24On one side
49:25is Gaurav,
49:26on the other
49:27is Rahul.
49:28I lied down
49:29in my bed
49:30in the middle
49:31of the night.
49:32My sweet
49:33mattress
49:34at 3.30
49:35in the morning
49:36was squeaking
49:37from inside me.
49:38A hand
49:39came from above.
49:40I said,
49:41listen,
49:42someone is here.
49:43I said,
49:44someone is here.
49:45I said,
49:46listen,
49:47someone is here.
49:48I said,
49:49someone is here.
49:50To check my mattress,
49:51that guy was standing there.
49:52He said,
49:53will you take care
49:54of my luggage?
49:55I said,
49:56no problem.
49:57I said,
49:58we are in danger
49:59ourselves.