Michael Schur speaks at his Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony

Variety

Transcript

00:00Thank you, everyone. This is truly a surprising moment in my life.

00:04To be honest, I was not aware that this was an honor that a writer could receive.

00:11TV writers get earnestly excited when the lunch order from Chipotle comes with free chips.

00:17So you can only imagine how overwhelming this was.

00:20So thank you, Hollywood Chamber of Commerce.

00:22Thank you, Perlina Abakwe, Aaron Underhill, Jim, Joanne, everyone at Universal Television.

00:27My continuous home since January of 1998.

00:3127 years consecutively.

00:36Mr. Beast was born in May of 1998.

00:41So my relationship with Universal TV is older than Mr. Beast.

00:46That is incredible.

00:48I think. I don't really know who Mr. Beast is.

00:51And I'm too old to learn.

00:54But it sounds incredible.

00:55Thank you as well to Bella Bajaria, Tracy and Andy from Netflix, also Matt Rice and Ken Richmond.

01:00My producing partners, David Miner and Morgan Sackett.

01:03And most importantly today, Ted Danson and Amy Poehler.

01:07Two first ballot Hall of Fame actors.

01:10And more importantly, two first ballot Hall of Fame people for speaking on my behalf.

01:16On the very first day of my professional writing life, day one, literally, at Saturday Night Live, I met my wife, JJ.

01:21She makes every day of my life better and more fun and more interesting.

01:27We have two dogs who love us unconditionally and two teenage children who kind of tolerate us.

01:34Being a parent is truly, of course, the most rewarding job of all.

01:40Last night I asked my daughter, Ivy, what I should say in this speech.

01:45And she looked me in the eyes and she said,

01:47Bro, you haven't written that already?

01:49Lock in.

01:50And then I asked my son, William, what I should say.

01:57And he looked up from his phone and he said,

01:59What do you think the Red Sox will do at the trade deadline?

02:03And I said, What?

02:05And he said, What?

02:07And I said, I asked you what I should say in my speech.

02:10And he said, Oh.

02:12And then he just kind of drifted out of the room.

02:14In the fall of my junior year of college, I was acting in a play.

02:20We were rehearsing a scene.

02:22I got frustrated.

02:23My friend asked me what was wrong.

02:24And I said, I know how the words should sound.

02:28But I just can't make my mouth say them the right way.

02:32And that was the first moment I understood that I was a writer.

02:36That's what a writer is.

02:37You know what the words should be and in what order.

02:39And then you let more talented and usually far better looking people actually say them.

02:45Writers hide in the shadows and untangle the story.

02:48Actors step into the spotlight and make those stories come to life.

02:51I am far more comfortable doing the former than the latter.

02:54Which means, if you think about it, I have spent the bulk of my life

02:59trying to avoid the exact situation that I am in right now.

03:05Standing on a famous street in a famous city.

03:07Everyone's staring at me.

03:10A single bead of sweat rolling down my back as I think about how uncomfortable I am.

03:17But yeah, there it goes.

03:20Ironically, I found it very hard to figure out what to say today.

03:23And I briefly considered getting a punch-up room together.

03:26Just throw a bunch of my friends in a room.

03:28Have them write me some good jokes.

03:30It would certainly have improved this speech a great deal.

03:32Because that's what comedy writers do.

03:34Clarify the premise.

03:36Write jokes.

03:37Make the script better.

03:39But comedy writers also then complain about the actors not delivering those jokes correctly.

03:44And since I'm the one delivering the jokes today, I didn't want you all judging me.

03:48People say that if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life.

03:54Those people are morons.

03:57I love what I do, and it's super hard.

04:00Riddled with self-doubt all the time.

04:02Everyone has imposter syndrome.

04:05You bang your head against a wall for months on end,

04:07and then ideas float into your brain seemingly from nowhere,

04:10with no indication where they came from or how you might go about obtaining another one when you need it.

04:16However, and this is why I believe TV writing is the greatest job in the world,

04:21you don't do it alone.

04:23TV writing, especially comedy writing, is a team sport.

04:28Without exception, everything I have ever written has been immeasurably improved

04:32by the work of other writers.

04:36I have spent the better part of 30 years in various rooms with dozens, hundreds,

04:41of the funniest people on earth laughing.

04:45Just straight up laughing.

04:48What a privilege to spend that time that way.

04:52The second that I learned that comedy writing was a job,

04:55it's what I hoped and dreamed my job could be.

04:58This odd and wonderful moment is as good a time as any

05:02to remember for the millionth time how fortunate a life I have led.

05:08I would not trade it for anything.

05:10I was, am, and will always be eternally grateful to everyone who made this possible,

05:16who taught me how to do the job, who took chances on me.

05:21And to any young writer out there dreaming of one day arriving at a moment like this,

05:26let me give you one piece of advice.

05:30Wear two undershirts.

05:33You're gonna look a little bulky,

05:35but when the beads of sweat soak through the first one,

05:38you still have a second one to hide the evidence

05:41of how truly awkward you feel when everyone is looking at you.

05:46Thank you all so much for this incredible honor.

05:48Thank you so much for your time.

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