Amir Jaffer is an award-winning director and producer with nearly two decades of experience in filmmaking. Since 2005, he has produced an impressive body of work, including documentaries, feature films, short films, web series, and music videos. Several of Amir's projects are streaming on Amazon, while others have been released on PBS and MTV.
Amir's passion for storytelling began in his teenage years, experimenting with his father's video camera. As an immigrant living in the United States, he now uses his craft to tell meaningful and consequential stories that transcend cultural boundaries. His films often illuminate the lives of those on the margins of society, courageously tackling taboo and risqué subjects with sensitivity and depth.
Amir's passion for storytelling began in his teenage years, experimenting with his father's video camera. As an immigrant living in the United States, he now uses his craft to tell meaningful and consequential stories that transcend cultural boundaries. His films often illuminate the lives of those on the margins of society, courageously tackling taboo and risqué subjects with sensitivity and depth.
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PeopleTranscript
00:00Hi, this is Dan Aykroyd. He's progressive. He's beautiful. He's thoughtful. He's intelligent.
00:13He's powerful. He's positive. He is Steven Cuoco on Power 98.5 Satellite Radio.
00:20Empowering listeners from the US to the UK. Live on air with Steven Cuoco.
00:28I love my Dan Aykroyd. I love him as well. And he was an original
00:33cast member of SNL, right? That's how I first heard of him.
00:39God, he's still rolling. I love that testimonial. I so appreciate that. And I still remember
00:46the day when it was recorded after our conversation. And it brings me joy. And since I'm doing
00:54the videos now, it's great to see my guests' reactions of it. Because it's like, how often...
01:01Anyone can get something maybe from Ariana Grande or Matthew McConaughey, but there's
01:05just something special about Dan Aykroyd and being so iconic.
01:10Yeah. Yeah, I love it. He's a legend. In my book, he's a legend.
01:14He is. Total legend. Thank you to everyone who's tuning in to live on air with Steven
01:19Cuoco on Power 98.5 Satellite Radio. We're the latest, greatest, and the best in TV,
01:26film, fashion, music, reality TV, and more. You're listening to live on air with Steven
01:32Cuoco on Power 98.5 Satellite Radio, as well as BizTalk Radio, BizTV. Head on over to biztalkradio.com.
01:40But we want to have you here first and foremost on Power 985.com. So remember, Alexa, Apple
01:47Music, download the app and more. We love it. We can't have more than enough, right? We got to have
01:53it all, Amir. Yeah. And we got it. The more the merrier. The more the merrier. I've got with us
02:01today an extraordinary film director, cinematographer, editor, Amir Jaffer, who is hailing out of San
02:09Francisco, California. And I had the esteemed pleasure, Amir, as you know, to watch, to view,
02:17because I am this year's Brave Maker juror, Brave Maker Film Festival out of San Francisco,
02:23California. And we are talking about all great things and more about you, Amir, but also your
02:29film that you submitted, which is extraordinary. I don't even know if there was a word for how
02:36exceptional this film is. And it's called Not Tonight. And you are the director. I don't know
02:43if you want to. You're the director. We've got the writer. Is it Pune? Puneet. Puneet is the writer.
02:51Then we have Alison Ewing, who played Amy Paxson. We have Tyler McKenna, who played key cast of Mike
03:00Bonetti. Phenomenal. They did extremely well together. I wouldn't even think or imagine to
03:09try to insult their body of work to say, oh, maybe this one could have played the role of Mike or this
03:15one could have been Amy. No, they were absolute perfection together. And just to clarify, Puneet
03:22also played the lead character of Amar. Oh, did he? Okay. So yes, we have Puneet as Amar Sharma.
03:34And then we've got Tyler McKenna and then Alison Ewing. It's sharp. I have to ask why?
03:44So I've been sitting on that idea for a while. I first watched Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf
03:52back in I think 2011 or 12. And I was just blown away. I know it was based on a play by Edward LB
04:00from back in the early 60s. And Liz Taylor and Richard Burton were in that iconic film. And
04:08I spoke with Puneet. Puneet and I like, you know, kind of use each other as a sounding board. I said,
04:14you know, I want to do something based on that, but I don't want to do a remake. So how can we
04:18bring it into present day and make it interesting? And, you know, of course, we put our personal
04:25touches on it. So Puneet wrote the script, and I read the first draft and was like, wow, this is
04:32going in the right direction. Because it's talking about an interracial couple and the challenges
04:37that some interracial couples encounter, you know, at one point or the other in their married life.
04:43And we brought infidelity, we brought trust issues in the marriage. So we kind of added our
04:49own to that. So that's how it came about, basically. Inspired by Edward LB's play
04:55and Liz Taylor's movie. And we bought into modern day life.
05:02Your credits are, you're strategic at what you do. What I've noticed by looking at your body
05:08of work, Amir, not only do you have upcoming projects, we talked about between places,
05:15you got after daddy is gone. In between and during the time of your upcoming projects,
05:22your past projects, how well have you learned or how much have you learned about yourself as a
05:29person, as a man, as a director, when it comes to Not Tonight? Because this is something I would
05:36see at the AMC or Regal Cinema. Well, thank you for that compliment. I feel that I've come a long
05:45way. And one of the reasons I sat on this project for a while, because I felt I wasn't ready as a
05:52director, as a filmmaker to make this. And when this journey started two years ago, 2023, and I
06:00said, let's do it. And he wrote this script. And honestly, like when I get scripts from writers,
06:06it usually takes three or four drafts before I can feel happy that, okay, we can work with this.
06:12I was blown away by the first draft that Puneet wrote. And I said, this is good. We just made
06:17some tweaks to it. And the way I normally work on set is I tell writers, don't get offended. I
06:24like it to be fluid, because changes can happen even before the camera starts rolling.
06:30And I'm intuitive that way. I can sense actors' energies. And no matter how much you rehearse,
06:38but what happens when they arrive on set, sometimes it can be a different energy. So
06:42you've got to play with that energy. And Allison and Tyler and Puneet, they all have
06:49this perfect chemistry that I had fun making it. Yeah.
06:54I hope this comes as a compliment. I'm not going to say it has the vibe of this film. We know what
07:03surrounds a controversy of It Ends With Us. It just reminded me a little bit about a different
07:12perspective of a story of betrayal and internal violence and storms, emotional storms that are
07:24broadcasted in such a way that it's so tumultuous. You can see it in a person's eyes. You can see it
07:31in their body language, but it's not insulting visually to where you're experiencing suicide
07:39or blood and gore or murder. It's palpable because it's so deep emotionally and impactful
07:48that so much of the language was spoken just through body and eye contact and movement that
07:54you didn't need a lot of dialogue. Yeah. See, that's one thing I feel has been part of my
08:00journey because when I started, I didn't go to film school, by the way. So I've been learning
08:05as I'm growing and it's been almost two decades now since I got into this field. So now I like
08:12less dialogues in some of the scenes and more body language because I feel like since film is a
08:18visual medium, we don't need a lot of dialogues to express a lot of feelings. And that's where I
08:24feel like where I'm in my journey right now. As far as what I brought to this project and I feel
08:33like every project that I choose, like actors do, when you take on a character, you see how
08:39much is that character similar to you and what's lacking, then you kind of do your research and
08:44bring that in. I feel like as a filmmaker, that's been my approach throughout my career is that
08:50when I take on a project, I say, okay, where do I find myself in these characters as a person,
08:55not as a filmmaker? And if I find myself in these characters, then I feel I can connect with the
09:01actor on set and help them bring out the best performance. And I know actors are always doubting
09:09themselves, they're insecure on set. That sometimes helps with the performance because if you're
09:16that sure about your performance and yourself, sometimes it comes across as rigid. But I feel
09:24like when actors are, they arrive on set and they say, okay, hey, filmmaker, Mr. Director, I'm here.
09:32And I'm going to be like a putty in your hand or clay in your hand, do what you will with me.
09:37So I felt I was lucky with that with Puneet and Allison and Tyler. They came with a certain
09:43notion, okay, this is how we're going to play it. But then in the moment, they kind of opened
09:49themselves up to me and I was able to bring something out of them on the set.
09:54As a director, the intimacy is close on many levels, emotionally, mentally, physically,
10:04in the film, not tonight. How as a director, as someone who's facilitating a story and
10:14a connection, how do you keep a safe space, a place of safety so that the actors know that
10:23they had that full expansion and permission of self and that there's going to be an understanding
10:34that boundaries are there and nothing's going to get cross? Yeah. So that's a very important
10:41question. And I feel like, especially in the last decade or so, this has become
10:46a focus for all filmmakers, rightly so, because there have been so many awful experiences
10:51which I have witnesses, I won't take any names, being on somebody else's set while I was learning.
10:57And then we hear these horror stories from, you know, big budget films. Actors are vulnerable.
11:04And, you know, when you're telling another person here, I am here, do what you will,
11:10they're giving you, they're trusting in you as a filmmaker. And then you got to be very careful
11:17with that trust. When it comes to physical violence, we had some physical violence in the
11:22scene. And even when I've done other films, coincidentally, I did another film with Puneet
11:28called Arrangement about a South Asian couple who decided to have an open marriage. That's
11:34streaming on Amazon right now. Both in that movie, I have Puneet playing the husband and Sarika
11:40Malhotra. She's a nice, very talented actress here based in the Bay Area. There were a lot of
11:49explicit scenes in that film. And of course, we had an intimacy coordinator, but even then,
11:54you know, the intimacy coordinator is on set as a safety net for the filmmaker and for the actor.
12:01But still, you cannot deny that direct one-on-one relationship with a director and an actor. And I
12:07feel like it's important for filmmakers to do that, to build that trust with the filmmakers
12:11that you're safe. And one of the things I think that works for me as an indie filmmaker is that
12:17I have a small set. I don't have a lot of people. I purposely work with less people in the crew.
12:22So we become like a family. And I treat everybody like family, whether it's my
12:27crew or whether it's my cast. I've become like a mother hen on set. Like
12:34if somebody's running behind, OK, take your time, drive carefully, get here when they get here. OK,
12:39let's ground yourself, decompress. And then, of course, I work with these wonderful makeup
12:43artists who are like therapists for them as well. OK, come, you sit in the chair,
12:47get the makeup done and everything. So they're kind of, OK, you need to have something. What
12:50do you want to drink? And then when we're filming, I refrain from doing that brutal
12:5812, 14, 15 hour shoots. I feel like that's not fair. And that's why unions are there
13:06telling people that don't go over the eighth hour. If you do, you have to pay them overtime.
13:09Even though I'm not union, but I try to do that with most of my projects. Stay under nine hours
13:16because I feel like the actress performance, the energy goes down. And we get things done
13:22efficiently. So I feel like I'm shooting four to five scenes a day. I think I'm on a good track
13:27of finishing the film. I don't have to push and shoot seven, eight, nine scenes.
13:32Some filmmakers do that to save money, but I just feel like it's not fair.
13:37I hope I answered the question. You did. You did. Would you like to expand on an intimacy
13:43coordinator? It's come up a couple of times in some of the most recent movies. There's a project
13:47that's up and coming. I didn't look into it, but supposedly Timothée Chalamet and Gwyneth Paltrow
13:54are going to be involved in and conversation came up about intimacy coordinator. Can you enlighten us
14:02on exactly a deeper purpose of an intimacy coordinator, the education, what their main
14:10role, how you direct them, what you expect for and look forward to from an intimacy coordinator
14:16to keep everything in alignment? Before I jump to answer your question,
14:22I just want to give you something like how I operate and what goes in my mind. Some writers
14:27and some producers hate me for that. When I get a script and there's an explicit scene in there
14:33and I've done my casting, I talk to my actors. First of all, as a character, you bring this to
14:39life. Do you think we should go this far or we should maybe not go that far? How do you feel?
14:46It aids the actor's comfort level before we even talk about intimacy coordinators or bringing
14:52somebody on board. When the actors tell me, okay, I feel like this scene is needed and
14:58this scene is showing the bond between these two characters, where they are in their relationship
15:04and ensure I'll be comfortable to do that. Maybe I'm not comfortable doing this part,
15:09maybe we scale back a little bit. That's how I start the conversation with the actors.
15:14And if you're going all the way, like I did in Arrangement, the short film I just referred to
15:19earlier, then we have somebody there basically checking in with the actors because the idea is
15:28in a bigger commercial set, the director just want to get the performance. They just want to
15:32get the scene done because they have a budget and they cannot go over budget, so scenes have
15:38to be done in certain time and get everything done. So they're focusing on getting it done
15:44for the most part. Intimacy coordinator's job that I understood is there to make sure,
15:50checking with the actors, are you comfortable? Where are you at right now emotionally
15:54to play this part? Because it's easy to watch a movie and say these actors taking off their
16:02clothes and getting into bed and being intimate, it's very, very difficult. I would invite anybody,
16:08any human being to take your clothes off on camera. You're just burying yourself, your soul,
16:15and it's a very vulnerable place to be. And so you got to be, as a filmmaker, you got to be in tune
16:21with the actors. And that's why I changed the scenes. Just to give an example, we just shot
16:27a series called Marriage Material. It's going to be released on Amazon hopefully by the end of the
16:33summer. And there were a couple of scenes in there between the straight couple and the lesbian
16:40couple that went all the way. And I checked in with the actors and they said to me that
16:46they don't feel comfortable. And from the point of view of storytelling, they felt it wasn't
16:51necessary to have that, for have them to go this far on screen. So I agreed with them. I said,
16:57sure. And what happens is like if you're giving the actors a space where they feel comfortable,
17:01they feel empowered, then what happens? Then you see magic happens. If an actor is not feeling
17:06secure and safe on your set, whether you have one or two or 10 intimacy coordinators,
17:13it doesn't help, in my humble opinion. You need to, as a filmmaker, first of all,
17:18have this trust with your actor that you can trust me. I'm not going to put you in a place
17:25where you will feel exposed or vulnerable. And I feel like the directors nowadays,
17:32especially in commercial filmmaking, is like, we just got to get it done. So we don't really
17:36care. We have a budget. We have five scenes to shoot this day. We have booked a location.
17:40So that's how most filmmakers think. And I feel that's what sets me apart
17:45with some of the current filmmakers. Is there a correlation when we think about
17:53intimacy coordinators and method acting? Am I hearing this correct that on the one project you
18:00worked on, is it considered method acting when they are going into a scene all the way? Because
18:08I'm not familiar with that. How do you regulate an act of intimacy, but it's not actual intercourse
18:18to, is it at times, the actual act? I don't know. Only share if you can expand on that.
18:27Because that's the only movie that I can reference right now, Arrangement. We went
18:31all the way. There were similar sex scenes in that film. So one of the things, the intimacy
18:36coordinators, they informed us that we have to have a wedge something, a protection between
18:41the two actors. Of course, they were not naked or nude. They were covered with a sheet. But the
18:49idea was that they are having sex. So there are all these layers, technicalities of it
18:58that have to be kept in mind. As far as the method acting goes,
19:04even before we start shooting a scene, the actors need to check in with each other,
19:09and the director has to be there gauging where they're at. Because like I said, if you don't
19:16have that intuition, and you just... Actors will say yes, because they're committed to doing this
19:22part, right? So they will say, yeah, yeah, we'll do it. But I can tell right away if they're not
19:27comfortable. If they're not comfortable, then I pull them aside and I have a chat with them like,
19:30okay, what's going on here? But I've been fortunate, the actors I work with,
19:36they have trusted me. They know that I'm not going to do anything that's going to put them
19:40in a place where they'll regret it later, or that I just use them as a prop on set.
19:46And one anecdote I have to share with you. So when I was new in filmmaking, this is like
19:5415, 16 years ago, we did a film about domestic violence, and we had this actor,
20:01and he was a method actor. So he would show up on set in that character. And I would think maybe
20:07something's wrong with this guy. Like, are you okay? Like, and then yeah, yeah, he would be
20:11rude and obnoxious. And we started rolling the camera, he would do his part. And then I learned
20:18some of the actors come on set with that mindset. I'm this character, I'm not this actor. It helps
20:23them. But it was interesting for me, you know, to wrap my head around it when I was a newbie
20:30in this field. I'm sorry, I'm rambling. Did I answer your question?
20:34Yeah, no, I like it. That's what's... Listen, if I were to ask you, so Amir,
20:40how is this and this and this done? Well, we do it like this, and then we end it like that.
20:45How can we have an interview?
20:47Yeah. And just for the record, I avoid doing interviews, even though some of my producers
20:52have been like, you have to be out there, you have to, you know, say something. And for the
20:56most part, there's so much pressure on saying the right thing, you know, appearing a certain way,
21:01be this way. And I don't feel like I, I'm old. And that's one of the things of getting older
21:05is like you don't, you feel liberated that, you know, this is who I am, take it or leave it kind
21:10of thing. I'm not perfect. So why should I pretend in an interview, right?
21:15Oh, man, the stress that we had put on ourselves when we were younger, Amir. I mean,
21:22seriously, I mean, still to this day, are you ever told you don't have to be perfect, Amir?
21:28It doesn't have to be perfect. Do you hear that at all?
21:32Now what's happening is I'm getting older. I have to remind myself that younger Amir inside me that
21:40went through the trauma and healed himself over the years. And now he's with me in many ways and
21:46tells me, okay, it's okay. Let it go. This is who you are. Be comfortable in your skin.
21:51Yeah, it's true. And a good friend of mine just a couple of days ago said, Stephen, it's okay.
21:58She took my hand. She's like, you don't have to be perfect. And in my head, Amir, I was taking
22:05that literally of thinking, okay, I need to put this here and here. But perfection, doing things
22:10perfectly can be, it can be anything. It can be what you write, how you write, how you put on.
22:18I mean, when there was just something in that moment, I finally received that message that I
22:24did not have to be perfect. And my entire life since then, since three, four days ago,
22:32that long had taken, finally was like, wow. I finally just sat within myself and saw
22:42what is perfection? What does it mean? And it's not just the act of duty, the act of care,
22:50just that. It's even when I'm home by myself and I got to rush, I got to get to bed at this time
22:58because just in case if I wake up at 12 or one o'clock and have to take a piss, I got this amount
23:03of time to go to sleep. That's how regimented I was. I was just so in control and making sure
23:08that everything was perfect all the way down to my sleeping habits. And I'm thinking
23:14social media, we see all of these bodybuilders, these, these influencers and how they're,
23:20they're telling us and showing us their routine. And I just am like, this is a prison.
23:28This is a jail. Like, yeah, it's good to have structure. It's healthy to have routine.
23:35But I mean, I wake up three o'clock in the morning to do an ice plunge and then
23:41three, you got to do a run. And then exactly at four o'clock you do on left foot. No,
23:47that to me is not living. So, um, if you like to share a mirror of where you allow yourself to have
23:56those areas and steps of, well, at four 13, I'm going to drink my protein shake and maybe
24:04I'm just not going to think about four 45. I'm just going to say, fuck it. And I'm just going
24:10to go the rest of the day. Just whatever. Oh, I ate. I don't even know what time I ate. Oh,
24:15I'm taking a shit. I have no idea what time I'm wiping my ass going to a meeting. I think like
24:21today with you, I was telling you, I'm almost a studio. I was thinking to myself, God, I cannot
24:26be late for a mirror, but I'm like, I can't be perfect. I can't be perfect, but it doesn't mean
24:32I'm saying we need to be late to our meetings. I'm not, I don't want people to get that idea,
24:38but even a holding myself to where I was so structured, uh, to be perfect that I had to
24:45show up and be the first one to always show up. And then I realized that when people were walking
24:50in, I'm sitting here or I'm ready to get going. And I watch people walk in and they're having
24:56conversations, laughing, he, he, Oh, what you did. And then I'm moving on. I'm thinking,
25:00what the hell did I get here early for? I'm watching everyone live a carefree life,
25:06having conversations and laughter. And I'm sitting here structured and let's go, let's go,
25:12let's go. And I'm missing out on a joke. So I'm missing out on a fun. I'm missing out on a laughter.
25:18So you're absolutely correct. I also don't like to go into conversations when I'm interviewing
25:25about me or talking about me, but that was part of perfection. So now I'm in a place,
25:30I just call myself Steven. It's about Amir Jaffer. I mean, see, I like it. I like the
25:38interviews to be a conversation because I mean, you know, we spoke on the phone
25:43last week, right. Or 10 days ago. Yeah. I know you a little bit, but I still really don't know
25:48you. So I, you know, what happens in interviews, people are there self-promoting and they're
25:52selling the product. Oh, my film is coming out. Watch my film, you know? Oh, everybody, I'm a
25:56director. Hey, you know, listen to me. I have something important to say, but I feel like
26:00sometimes, you know, we have way little time to get to know people who are interested in us.
26:05Like you, I was like, you know, why is Steven interested in interviewing me? I'm like a nobody
26:10right now. I'm not a big, famous filmmaker, but yeah, I like the format of an interview being a
26:17conversation where you tell me a little bit about yourself and I share a little bit about myself,
26:21you know? I like that. Well, and well, here's the thing. The day when you're picking up your
26:29non-paid-to-play Emmy and Oscar and Tony award, all the above. And just so everyone who's tuning
26:37in, I've got Amir Jaffer, who is a cinematographer. He's a director. He's also a writer. He,
26:43he directed the incredible film. I got to pull it up here. That's going to
26:49be a brave maker film festival I'm seeing here. It's in consideration, but it got a yes.
26:57For the film, not tonight. I think to myself, it doesn't matter whether someone won an award or
27:04not. This is why we're here in our industry. Why we're doing what we do. You're you told me
27:12something about you in the film, not tonight. Why would I sit down and want to have a conversation
27:19because I had to answer the internal question. Why do I want to watch this?
27:25So I would like to, you know, think of why did you direct it? Because there are people
27:32out there that, that do things that don't care. They're doing it just for the money,
27:36but most people don't realize that directors, producers, and actors don't get paid like a
27:42regular nine to five job. Their contacts are not the same every time they don't live a predictable
27:50structured life. So yeah, I like to ask the question, why, whether you are Steven Spielberg
27:55or Amir Jaffer. Yeah. Like I said to you earlier, I don't, I don't know what other filmmakers do,
28:05what their approach is, but my approach is like finding myself in those projects.
28:08This is a similar technique that actors do, right? That you, you pick a project and you say, okay,
28:13how much is this character like me and what's lacking? How, you know, then you do your research
28:17and bring that in. Same, same with me as a filmmaker. Like when I got a script and I've
28:21turned on some of the scripts and you know, I don't think I can do this because I don't see
28:27myself in any of these characters as a, as a person. And specifically about Not Tonight,
28:34there were some discussions to be had, you know, since we're talking about Not Tonight.
28:38There was a scene, we can call it, there's a bit of violence in that scene. You've seen it,
28:44I don't want to give it away right now. People can watch it on a streaming platform later this year
28:50when it's released. We had to have a chat, a conversation where to stop the camera. I send
28:56the crew on a 10 minute break while I had a chat, even though, you know, we had a couple of rehearsals
29:03with Alison, Puneet and Tyler. And we discussed what the scene is about and how we're going to
29:08go about it. And, you know, the actors were in agreement. Okay, fine. We know where we're coming
29:14from and why we're doing this. But as it happens all the time that no matter how much you rehearse,
29:20the day of the filming, sometimes nerves kick in. Sometimes, you know, we have our unresolved
29:26trauma as people. So you become not just a director, you become a therapist in that moment
29:31with the actor. And then I have to be vulnerable with them as well. I have to open up myself,
29:36let them know where I'm coming from. And people claim to make, you know,
29:42films about domestic violence, highlighting this issue we have in our societies all over the world
29:50where spouses get abused by husbands for one reason or the other. They're repeating this
29:58cycle of abuse that they experienced as child, they witnessed in their home, and then they
30:03continue with their spouses and their families, and then their children pick it up. And it's like a
30:08vicious cycle. And unfortunately, most of us have experienced that growing up in our
30:16homes in childhood. I experienced that a lot growing up in my home. A father who was alcoholic
30:23and he didn't know that and we didn't know what those terms meant growing up. Somebody being
30:28alcoholic, somebody being abusive. It was like you see some in some of the films, it was to that
30:35extent, it didn't make any sense. Father showing up drunk, God knows what mood he is in, something
30:41went wrong at work. He's frustrated. Who does he take it out on? He comes home and takes it on his
30:46family. And the thing is, the way we are all raised is like, you know, you got to be in control of
30:53your bodies and yourself. But sometimes when people they are dealing with trauma, they turn to
31:00alcohol or drugs. And consuming those substances somehow gives them the permission to be
31:07who they really are. The inside comes out. Sometimes that inside can be really ugly.
31:12So I was telling Allison on the set when nerves kicked in like, you know,
31:16oh my God, I cannot do this. Even though we had talked about it, she had read the script,
31:22I had to open myself up and say, you know, for me, it's coming from a place of a child who saw
31:26that abuse happen in the house. And of course, Allison didn't open up all the way, but I could
31:31sense maybe something had happened in her in her life. So I had to be very careful about filming
31:36that scene. Of course, when you watch the scene, it goes like this because, you know, it's very
31:42fast moving, fast paced. But to get to that point, to have the actors give it their all,
31:51again, you have to make the actor feel comfortable as a filmmaker. And for me,
31:55that requires opening up my vulnerabilities and let them know, hey, I dealt with this thing, but
32:02I'm not in front of the camera. I'm behind it. But I know what you feel. I know what you're
32:06feeling in this moment. So that's why I feel it's important to filmmakers to be part therapist,
32:18that you're able to tap into that, you know, whatever the emotions your actors are feeling.
32:23And it always comes down to that one thing, a space where actors feel safe, whether you're
32:32doing a $500 million film, or you're doing a, you know, $500,000 film, or even $50,000 film,
32:39that you create that space where actors are able to feel comfortable. And once you make that happen,
32:47you're going to get brilliant performances from actors.
32:51Exactly. And it goes back to where you were bringing up about addiction.
32:56And perfectionism is what I learned in my life growing up in an environment like that,
33:05of having parents who struggled with addiction. Because the behavior which I can speak on
33:12to be perfect, and have everything perfect, it's a self-reassurance behavior pattern
33:22to consciously, I would say, it's almost like a way of self soothing in comparison to humming
33:29or singing. Because I feel it just tells the sympathetic nervous system, okay, I got this
33:36in control. So I'm safe now to move to this next step. Now I'm going to control this to make sure
33:42that I don't get into fight or flight, then I move on. And it really is steps. It's easier said than
33:51done. It's a conversation I had with a coworker just two days ago, it's been an emotional,
33:58powerful week about all these different psychological things that are going on and
34:04transitions that are happening in people's lives, because we truly don't know what's going on in
34:09someone's life. And I just said privately to this person that I understand you were bullied.
34:16I understand that something happened in your life and you have not resolved it. I can recognize
34:21signs because I was there once like you, I said you can't treat other people
34:28the way people had treated you. And I know she had taken that extremely hard because she knew
34:35what I was talking about. But what I knew in that conversation, what really hit her hard is that
34:43she never considered that her behaviors and her having to not only feel in control to be safe in
34:53her life, she needed to control everything and everyone around her. And I told her that those
34:58behaviors and behavior patterns of her having to control everything and everyone around her
35:04so that she could feel safe. She was also being a bully.
35:10Yeah. And, man, did it open up her eyes, but I had such compassion for the fact that that's not
35:18easy to say that you became your worst nightmare. You became what was perpetrated against you. Now
35:25you became the perpetrator. It's unfortunate, but it happens. I mean, you know, broken people
35:32create broken people, as I say, you know. Parents who have unresolved issues,
35:39they, you know, create that environment which their children don't feel safe in. And they're
35:46creating those damaged individuals when they grow up and they're carrying the trauma. Like, I feel,
35:51I don't know, like I said, you know, I'm from a different generation. I'm Gen X. And this year,
35:58I just thought about it last time, this year in July will be my 27th anniversary since I moved to
36:03the United States. So right now, I've spent half of my life in my old country of Pakistan and half
36:12of my life here in the United States in the Bay Area. So I've seen both sides of the world. And
36:18one of the things helped me, I mean, it's tragic. It's funny and tragic at the same time. One of the
36:25things that helped me assimilate in the United States and the culture here was I come from a
36:29dysfunctional family. And there were a lot of folks here from dysfunctional families.
36:35So we could relate through our trauma. It's sad. But that's, you know, that's the universal thing
36:42that I feel like it doesn't matter what your culture background is, where your ethnic background
36:48is, where you come from. People are people and they're the same. You take away the language
36:53barrier, you take away the politics, you take away the religion, what God they worship and
36:57follow. People are the same world over. And that's the interesting part of being a filmmaker,
37:05because I can tap into those unresolved issues that I've had. And part of me feels like I'm maybe
37:16a filmmaker because this is therapy for me. I'm dealing with my therapy through creating
37:22these characters and directing them on set. And OK, this happened in my real life. Maybe in this
37:28one, they will take a different path in the actual film, different from the path I chose
37:33back in the day, you know. So it's very interesting for me. Again, I'm just being honest with you,
37:40like filmmaking is therapy for me. Filmmaking is me dealing with my unresolved trauma.
37:47Filmmaking for me is finding myself in these characters and seeing different parts of me
37:53in those characters and saying, OK, you maybe choose a different path. So it's funny that way.
38:00I'm happy for you. I'm excited for you. I'm proud of you. Your message speaks
38:05loud and clear with no contradiction. That's not an easy task to do, to carry something
38:12that is of you and be so real and raw and authentic. And no matter how anyone perceives
38:21you, whether in Pakistan or here in the States, you're Amir Jaffer and that's who you show up.
38:28That's how you move. And that's how you go to bed at night. Yeah. Yeah, it's true.
38:36It's true. Any closing thoughts? I just want people to feel liberated
38:45when they watch my films and I want them to heal whatever is unhealed or that needs some attention.
38:57That's what my hope is, like from now to when I die. I just hope anything that I put out there,
39:04people understand that this is not just a film I made with some characters.
39:08I want you to watch the film and take away maybe inspiration,
39:13some something that helps you in your day, your everyday life.
39:20I love it. Thank you, Amir. Thank you so much for having me.
39:24You're welcome. Thank you to everyone who's tuned in to the live on air with Stephen Cuoco on Power
39:2898.5 Satellite Radio, as well as BizTalk Radio. You can find all of this and more on Power985.com,
39:36BizTV.com, BizTalkRadio.com. And you can catch live on air with Stephen Cuoco on
39:43any one of your favorite podcast platforms. Have a great day, everyone.
39:47I can speak, right?
40:00All in one moment.