- 9 months ago
Experience the chilling and darkly comedic world of Deadtime Stories (1986), a horror anthology film directed by Jeffrey Delman. This cult classic reimagines beloved fairy tales with a sinister twist, delivering a trio of tales that blend horror and humor in equal measure.
Plot Summary:
A babysitting uncle, Uncle Mike (Michael Mesmer), attempts to lull his nephew to sleep by narrating three macabre stories:
Peter and the Witches: A young man named Peter (Scott Valentine) becomes a slave to two witches who are determined to resurrect their long-dead sister.
Little Red Runninghood: In a modern twist on the classic tale, a teenage girl (Nicole Picard) inadvertently picks up a werewolf's medication for her grandmother, leading to a terrifying encounter.
Goldi Lox and the Three Baers: A telekinetic young woman, Goldi Lox (Cathryn de Prume), crosses paths with a family of escaped mental patients, resulting in a darkly humorous and deadly tale.
Cast:
Scott Valentine as Peter
Nicole Picard as Rachel
Matt Mitler as Willie
Cathryn de Prume as Goldi Lox
Melissa Leo as Judith "MaMa" Baer
Kathy Fleig as Miranda
Phyllis Craig as Hanagohl
Michael Mesmer as Uncle Mike
Brian DePersia as Little Brian
Kevin Hannon as Beresford "Papa" Baer
Timothy Rule as Wilmont "Baby" Baer
Anne Redfern as Florinda
Casper Roos as Vicar
Barbara Seldon as Seductress
Leigh Kilton as Seductress
Lesley Sank as Reviving Magoga
Lisa Cain as Living Magoga
Michael Berlinger as Greg
Fran Lopate as Grandma
Rondell Sheridan as Looney Bin Guard
Film Details:
Director: Jeffrey Delman
Writers: Jeffrey Delman, J. Edward Kiernan, Charles F. Shelton
Studio: Scary Stuff Productions
Distributor: Palisades Entertainment, Cinema Group, Bedford Entertainment
Release Date: November 26, 1986
Runtime: 83 minutes
Language: English
Country: United States
Deadtime Stories is a unique blend of horror and comedy that offers a fresh take on classic fairy tales. Its anthology format and twisted narratives have made it a favorite among fans of 1980s horror cinema.
🔖 Tags:
Deadtime Stories 1986, Horror Anthology, Twisted Fairy Tales, Jeffrey Delman, Scott Valentine, Melissa Leo, Nicole Picard, Cathryn de Prume, 1980s Horror Film, Cult Classic Horror, Retro Horror Movie, Fairy Tale Horror, Witch Horror Story, Werewolf Tale, Goldilocks Horror, Black Comedy Horror, Classic Horror Anthology, Vintage Horror Cinema, Freaky Fairy Tales, Horror Comedy, Cult Horror Film, 80s Horror Anthology, Full Movie
Plot Summary:
A babysitting uncle, Uncle Mike (Michael Mesmer), attempts to lull his nephew to sleep by narrating three macabre stories:
Peter and the Witches: A young man named Peter (Scott Valentine) becomes a slave to two witches who are determined to resurrect their long-dead sister.
Little Red Runninghood: In a modern twist on the classic tale, a teenage girl (Nicole Picard) inadvertently picks up a werewolf's medication for her grandmother, leading to a terrifying encounter.
Goldi Lox and the Three Baers: A telekinetic young woman, Goldi Lox (Cathryn de Prume), crosses paths with a family of escaped mental patients, resulting in a darkly humorous and deadly tale.
Cast:
Scott Valentine as Peter
Nicole Picard as Rachel
Matt Mitler as Willie
Cathryn de Prume as Goldi Lox
Melissa Leo as Judith "MaMa" Baer
Kathy Fleig as Miranda
Phyllis Craig as Hanagohl
Michael Mesmer as Uncle Mike
Brian DePersia as Little Brian
Kevin Hannon as Beresford "Papa" Baer
Timothy Rule as Wilmont "Baby" Baer
Anne Redfern as Florinda
Casper Roos as Vicar
Barbara Seldon as Seductress
Leigh Kilton as Seductress
Lesley Sank as Reviving Magoga
Lisa Cain as Living Magoga
Michael Berlinger as Greg
Fran Lopate as Grandma
Rondell Sheridan as Looney Bin Guard
Film Details:
Director: Jeffrey Delman
Writers: Jeffrey Delman, J. Edward Kiernan, Charles F. Shelton
Studio: Scary Stuff Productions
Distributor: Palisades Entertainment, Cinema Group, Bedford Entertainment
Release Date: November 26, 1986
Runtime: 83 minutes
Language: English
Country: United States
Deadtime Stories is a unique blend of horror and comedy that offers a fresh take on classic fairy tales. Its anthology format and twisted narratives have made it a favorite among fans of 1980s horror cinema.
🔖 Tags:
Deadtime Stories 1986, Horror Anthology, Twisted Fairy Tales, Jeffrey Delman, Scott Valentine, Melissa Leo, Nicole Picard, Cathryn de Prume, 1980s Horror Film, Cult Classic Horror, Retro Horror Movie, Fairy Tale Horror, Witch Horror Story, Werewolf Tale, Goldilocks Horror, Black Comedy Horror, Classic Horror Anthology, Vintage Horror Cinema, Freaky Fairy Tales, Horror Comedy, Cult Horror Film, 80s Horror Anthology, Full Movie
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:00:30Transcribed by —
00:01:00Transcribed by —
00:01:30Brian, do you know what time it is?
00:01:34But there's a monster in here. Annie wants to get me.
00:01:37If you don't lie down right now, I'm gonna get you. Come on now.
00:01:45Uncle Mike, sometimes mommy tells me a story. Will you tell me one?
00:01:49No, uh, not right now, Brian.
00:01:52I have to press the cat and vacuum the ceiling.
00:01:55Maybe later.
00:01:57Oh, please, just one.
00:01:59Brian.
00:02:00Please!
00:02:03All right.
00:02:05Any story in particular?
00:02:07Three little pigs, Jack and the Beanstalk?
00:02:09I don't care.
00:02:11Um, Puss in Boots, Rumpelstiltskin?
00:02:15Whatever.
00:02:17Princess and the Pea, Ugly Duckling, Sleeping Beauty.
00:02:21If you like.
00:02:23Brian, what story?
00:02:25Mmm, why don't you make one up?
00:02:30All right.
00:02:32The three little pigs were blown out of their digs
00:02:36And their houses and huts were despoiled
00:02:40The wolf huffed and puffed till the pigs cried enough
00:02:45How can this wicked monster be foiled?
00:02:50Two pigs were eaten
00:02:52Before he was beaten
00:02:55Down the chimney the wolf was hard-boiled
00:02:59It's no wonder why I turned out like I did
00:03:04Remembering my bedtime tales as a kid
00:03:09It's no wonder why I turned out like I did
00:03:13Remembering my bedtime tales as a kid
00:03:19A boy, strong and proud, climbed way up to the clouds
00:03:32On a product of magic bean spillage
00:03:36Brave and defiant
00:03:39He swindled the giant
00:03:41Whose wealth came from plunder and pillage
00:03:45Then he picked up an axe
00:03:48Then he picked up an axe
00:03:48Gave the beanstalk some wax
00:03:50Dumped the giant on most of the village
00:03:54It's no wonder why I turned out like I did
00:03:59Remembering my bedtime tales as a kid
00:04:04It's no wonder why I turned out like I did
00:04:08Remembering my bedtime tales as a kid
00:04:14In the cloak of the night
00:04:17I awake with a fright
00:04:19Pulled a blanket over my hand
00:04:23You can say I'm insane
00:04:26But it's stuck in my brain
00:04:28In falsehood skins under my bed
00:04:32Some call it obscene
00:04:43But the violence on screen
00:04:46Vents the internal turmoil of drama
00:04:49Those buckets of gore
00:04:52Were spilled ages before
00:04:55George Romero, Hitchcock, or De Palma
00:04:58And our fears and our stress
00:05:02Through our times been expressed
00:05:04Through the fairytale symbolic trauma
00:05:08It's no wonder why we turned out like we did
00:05:13Remembering our bedtime tales as kids
00:05:18It's no wonder why we turned out like we did
00:05:22Remembering our bedtime tales as kids
00:05:27It's no wonder why we turned out like we did
00:05:31Remembering our bedtime tales as kids
00:05:36It's no wonder why we turned out like we did
00:05:40Remembering our bedtime tales as kids
00:05:44Once upon a time, a long, long time ago
00:05:48There was a fisherman's son named Peter
00:05:52He was all alone in the world
00:05:55So it came to pass
00:05:57Since he had no money
00:05:59He was sold into slavery
00:06:00Bought by two evil witches
00:06:03It was that one day
00:06:06That was something else
00:06:07Good?
00:06:24You bet it is
00:06:27Does my heart good
00:06:29To see a handsome lad enjoy my cooking?
00:06:32The secret is baby slugs
00:06:36The big ones are too chewy
00:06:39You have to wait for the really rainy days
00:06:44But you are worth it
00:06:48You are making me sick
00:06:50Get up boy
00:06:52There's work to be done
00:06:54Go to the village
00:06:56Find the local person
00:06:58If I'm not wrong
00:07:00He fancies himself
00:07:02Thinks she's quite a lady as men
00:07:05Are you listening to me boy?
00:07:07Tell him you know two lovely ladies
00:07:11Who are just dying to meet him
00:07:15Then you lead him here
00:07:17What lovely ladies?
00:07:18Never you mind
00:07:20Make sure he has a sip of that
00:07:27Leave the rest to me
00:07:34You wouldn't be tricking me now, would you boy?
00:07:37They are beautiful, huh?
00:07:39That they are
00:07:42They got all their teeth
00:07:44Can't kiss a tart with rotten teeth, you know
00:07:48I wouldn't suppose
00:07:50Are they sassy?
00:07:53You know
00:07:56Sassy
00:07:58Sassy, huh?
00:08:04Boy
00:08:10What?
00:08:11What did you say your name was again?
00:08:13Peter?
00:08:15Do I see you in my church?
00:08:25They are almost here
00:08:27Oh, get ready
00:08:34What?
00:08:35It's alright boy
00:08:36I...
00:08:37I...
00:08:38I can find my way
00:08:40Where's my sassy?
00:08:41It's alright boy
00:08:42I...
00:08:43I can find my way
00:08:44Where's my sassy?
00:08:47Where's my sassy?
00:08:48Where's my sassy?
00:08:53Grand
00:09:06You ladies have never had such a prominent man as I, huh?
00:09:09You little vixens
00:09:32It's a bit of bondage, eh?
00:09:34Good Durcher
00:09:36I'm so glad you're good
00:09:37How did you?
00:09:38Oh, did you?
00:09:39Yeah
00:09:40Oh, yeah
00:09:41Oh, yeah
00:09:42How did you?
00:09:43Oh, yeah
00:09:44Oh, yeah
00:09:45Oh, yeah
00:09:47Oh, yeah
00:09:49Oh, yeah
00:09:50Oh, yeah
00:09:51Oh, yeah
00:09:54As the lad told you that I have the largest parsonage in the district, and my flock adore me, they pray to me, you know.
00:10:24So that's what you're up to, huh?
00:10:41I can't lose the chicks from going squeak.
00:10:45What is this stuff, anyway?
00:10:49It's getting...
00:10:51Get this stuff off of me!
00:11:21Here we are. Take the divine left hand from a holy man, the one that mirrors his heart.
00:11:29Well, ain't nothing holy about that one.
00:11:33Pay attention!
00:11:35Brain of a black cat, heart of an eel, grind them together until they congeal.
00:11:44Brain of a black cat...
00:11:47Brain of a black cat...
00:11:49Brain of a black cat...
00:11:51What was it, heart of a weasel?
00:11:54No, no, fat old fool! An eel, an eel!
00:11:57I'm not fat!
00:11:59You're not fat!
00:12:01Eel!
00:12:02Eel!
00:12:03Eel!
00:12:04No eel!
00:12:05No eel!
00:12:06Ah!
00:12:07Oh, yeah!
00:12:08Now grind them together...
00:12:10Oh, no! I know!
00:12:11That looks pretty congealed!
00:12:12Now pour in a vial of hemlock and ale, and top it all off with a black piggy's tail.
00:12:16Oh!
00:12:17Oh!
00:12:18How sweet!
00:12:19Now, my friend, guide us true...
00:12:21...to a black cat with a black cat with a black cat with a black cat with a black cat with a black cat with a black cat with a black cat...
00:12:26and top it all off with a black piggy's tail.
00:12:31Oh, how sweet!
00:12:41Now, my friend, guide us through.
00:12:46Where's our sister?
00:12:49Where's Magogha?
00:12:56West?
00:13:00The Farfetch Field.
00:13:26Peter, come along!
00:13:40Stop playing with the nice man!
00:13:44What have I told you about talking to strangers?
00:13:58Is this it? Did we find her?
00:14:00Did we find her?
00:14:02Shh!
00:14:04Kurt!
00:14:06Kurt!
00:14:08What is it, Hannibal?
00:14:16She's here.
00:14:20She's here.
00:14:22Oh!
00:14:47Get out of my way!
00:14:52OK!
00:14:53Okay!
00:14:56See you now!
00:14:57See you!
00:15:03Bye!
00:15:04Bye!
00:15:08Bye!
00:15:10Bye!
00:15:18Bye!
00:15:22I don't know.
00:15:52I don't know.
00:16:22I don't know.
00:16:52I don't know.
00:16:54I don't know.
00:16:56I don't know.
00:16:58I don't know.
00:17:00I don't know.
00:17:02I don't know.
00:17:04I don't know.
00:17:06I don't know.
00:17:08I don't know.
00:17:10I don't know.
00:17:12I don't know.
00:17:14I don't know.
00:17:16I don't know.
00:17:18I don't know.
00:17:20I don't know.
00:17:22I don't know.
00:17:24I don't know.
00:17:26I don't know.
00:17:28I don't know.
00:17:30I don't know.
00:17:32I don't know.
00:17:34I don't know.
00:17:36I don't know.
00:17:38I don't know.
00:17:40I don't know.
00:17:42I don't know.
00:17:44I don't know.
00:17:46I don't know.
00:17:48I don't know.
00:17:50I don't know.
00:17:52I don't know.
00:17:54I don't know.
00:17:56I don't know.
00:17:57My mother was a good woman.
00:17:58You nasty woman.
00:17:59She was.
00:18:16Is that it?
00:18:17Are we ready?
00:18:18No.
00:18:20There is one last ingredient to be got.
00:18:26This is your busy day, boy.
00:18:32Get here, too.
00:18:34Can't lure the sort of girl we need if you're all a mess.
00:18:39No.
00:18:40Remember, squeaky clean.
00:18:43Here.
00:18:44Maybe I'd better help you.
00:18:46No, no, no, Ferlinda.
00:18:48I can do it.
00:18:56Can I have my clothes now?
00:19:00Please, now?
00:19:06Ma'am?
00:19:07Ma'am?
00:19:08What did you mean when you said that sort of girl?
00:19:12All in good time.
00:19:18Ma'am?
00:19:19Mm-hmm?
00:19:20I don't mind going out and getting you herbs and animals for your magic.
00:19:26But I didn't know you were going to hurt that priest.
00:19:29We do what we have to do.
00:19:33Yeah, but killing people?
00:19:35There are some things you just won't understand.
00:19:41Leave it to Hanacle and me.
00:19:44Leave what to you and me?
00:19:47What's his problem?
00:19:49He don't like you and me killing people.
00:19:54That's too bad, isn't it?
00:19:57You do as you're told, you lazy turd.
00:20:01Now hurry up, the both of you.
00:20:08Reminds me of myself in my youth.
00:20:12We're not going to hurt her, are we?
00:20:14You can't keep killing people.
00:20:16It's just plain wrong.
00:20:17I don't know what's getting into you.
00:20:21If you won't do this one little thing for me,
00:20:26well then you can just go on back home.
00:20:31Yes, ma'am.
00:20:33What do you want me to do?
00:20:35You get her attention.
00:20:37And I'll sneak up on her with the clock.
00:20:41What do I do?
00:20:43Think of something.
00:20:47Hello.
00:20:50Could I help you with that?
00:20:54I'm fine.
00:20:55I seem to be a little lost.
00:20:57Village is that way.
00:20:58Hi.
00:21:00Um, I seem to be a little lost.
00:21:04The village is that way.
00:21:08Thanks.
00:21:15So, uh, do you live here by yourself?
00:21:18No, I share the place with a bunch of dwarves.
00:21:21Can I help you with something?
00:21:23I've been pretty much walking for the past few days,
00:21:25and I was wondering, do you have some food or something?
00:21:28A beggar.
00:21:31I shouldn't be taking people in, though.
00:21:34Our parson's just been found murdered.
00:21:36I don't know who knows what kind of lunatic they could be.
00:21:44Take a seat.
00:21:52This bread is very good.
00:21:54Much softer than they make at home.
00:21:56Bake this afternoon.
00:22:03You're staring at me.
00:22:05You're very pretty, Brad.
00:22:09Maybe...
00:22:11Peter, what is it?
00:22:12Good work.
00:22:23Help me get her into the barrows.
00:22:26We may yet make a warlock out of you, Gator.
00:22:31And Hanukkah will be so pleased.
00:22:34Please!
00:22:38You two took your own food time.
00:22:40It's almost midnight!
00:22:46So...
00:22:53So, this is our sacrifice, is it?
00:22:56Come on!
00:22:59Come on!
00:23:00Don't stand there!
00:23:01Give us a hand!
00:23:07Hasn't she got the loveliest eyes?
00:23:11I want them after...
00:23:13I get the eyes!
00:23:15You got them last time!
00:23:17I never get anything good!
00:23:20I get the eyes!
00:23:22Well...
00:23:24I claim all the teeth then!
00:23:27Oh!
00:23:30Come on, it's getting light!
00:23:31Help!
00:23:54Ma'am?
00:23:56What is it?
00:23:58Can I be the one to use the knife?
00:24:02What?
00:24:04Yes!
00:24:05Don't let him!
00:24:06I think he's ready!
00:24:10No, it's too important!
00:24:12You do it!
00:24:14He can kill the next sacrifice!
00:24:19It's time!
00:24:25Go ahead!
00:24:27Make me proud!
00:24:31Don't worry!
00:24:33Stay calm!
00:24:35Follow my lead!
00:24:37Go on!
00:24:38Read it!
00:24:39You read it!
00:24:41I can't read!
00:24:43You know I can't read!
00:24:44You know I can't read!
00:24:45You worry us!
00:24:46The viratine demons of the pit!
00:24:48Hear us!
00:24:50Lord of the plague!
00:24:52Send us the soul of our forsaken sister!
00:24:53Marry her with pestilence!
00:24:54You fill her full of hatred!
00:24:59You fill her full of hatred!
00:25:00What?
00:25:01Don't you feel?
00:25:02Let't hear a little!
00:25:04You see!
00:25:05I want you to live all the way!
00:25:06To be safe!
00:25:07You know I can't read it!
00:25:08Shh!
00:25:09Marry her with pestilence.
00:25:13I feel her full of hatred.
00:25:39I feel her full of hatred.
00:25:49I feel her full of hatred.
00:25:57I feel her full of hatred.
00:26:02I don't know.
00:26:32I don't know.
00:27:02I don't know.
00:27:32I don't know.
00:28:02Take this life in thy darkest name.
00:28:22I don't know.
00:28:24A life for a life!
00:28:25I don't know.
00:28:27I don't know.
00:28:31I don't know.
00:28:35I don't know.
00:28:37I don't know.
00:28:39I don't know.
00:28:41I don't know.
00:28:43I don't know.
00:28:45I don't know.
00:28:47I don't know.
00:28:49I don't know.
00:28:51I don't know.
00:28:53I don't know.
00:28:55I don't know.
00:28:57I don't know.
00:28:59I don't know.
00:29:01I don't know.
00:29:03I don't know.
00:29:05I don't know.
00:29:07I don't know.
00:29:09I don't know.
00:29:11I don't know.
00:29:13I don't know.
00:29:15I don't know.
00:29:17I don't know.
00:29:19I don't know.
00:29:21I don't know.
00:29:23I don't know.
00:29:25I don't know.
00:29:33You know, it would have been a lot easier if you just ran away when I suggested it.
00:29:55Well, I champion that he isn't really bad.
00:29:57That right?
00:29:59Come, I'm going.
00:30:01Well, I will go let this aara answers into the process.
00:30:03Let's go.
00:30:33Excuse me, sir, but could you please tell us how to get out of here?
00:30:49You killed my sisters.
00:30:55I'm gonna make this very painful.
00:31:01Let's go.
00:31:03Let's go.
00:31:05Let's go.
00:31:07Let's go.
00:31:09Let's go.
00:31:19Let's go.
00:31:21Let's go.
00:31:23Let's go.
00:31:25Let's go.
00:31:27Let's go.
00:31:29Let's go.
00:31:31Let's go.
00:31:33Let's go.
00:31:35Let's go.
00:31:37Let's go.
00:31:39Let's go.
00:31:41Let's go.
00:31:43Let's go.
00:31:45Let's go.
00:31:47Let's go.
00:31:49Let's go.
00:31:51Let's go.
00:31:53Let's go.
00:31:55Let's go.
00:31:57Let's go.
00:31:59Let's go.
00:32:01Let's go.
00:32:03Let's go.
00:32:05Let's go.
00:32:07Let's go.
00:32:09Let's go.
00:32:11Let's go.
00:32:13Let's go.
00:32:15Let's go.
00:32:17Let's go.
00:32:21Let's go.
00:32:23Let's go.
00:32:25Let's go.
00:32:27Let's go.
00:32:29Let's go.
00:32:31Ooh, that's a mushy, icky ending.
00:32:59Well, what kind of an ending would you like?
00:33:02Mmm, how about a scary ending?
00:33:05And you'll go to sleep?
00:33:07Promise.
00:33:08Okay.
00:33:10Just then, Magoga, jump back to life, and...
00:33:17Better?
00:33:18Much.
00:33:19Okay. Good night, kid.
00:33:21Good night. Good night.
00:33:29Good night.
00:33:56Uncle Mike!
00:33:58Oh, my home.
00:34:00I was so happy to meet you.
00:34:02Dad was so-
00:34:03I'm home.
00:34:04Yeah.
00:34:05That was awful, me, too.
00:34:07Get down.
00:34:08Yeah, yeah.
00:34:10Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:34:11I'm home.
00:34:12Now you can't sleep.
00:34:13Say to me and, then you ask your soul for the end
00:34:15Bye bye.
00:34:17Bye bye.
00:34:18Bye bye.
00:34:20Bye bye.
00:34:21Bye bye.
00:34:22Bye bye.
00:34:23Bye bye.
00:34:24Bye bye, bye.
00:34:25Bye bye.
00:34:26Oh, my!
00:34:52Isn't she just a horrible boy?
00:34:55What now?
00:34:56Thank you, thank you.
00:34:59What is it?
00:35:01A monster was gonna get me.
00:35:04Oh, Brian, for Christ's sakes,
00:35:05the Miss Nude Bayot competition
00:35:07is on Cablevision right now.
00:35:09One more story, please.
00:35:12Which story?
00:35:15Little Red Riding Hood.
00:35:17Little Red Riding Hood.
00:35:20Hmm.
00:35:21Okay.
00:35:22Once upon a time,
00:35:23there was a little girl called Rachel.
00:35:27Actually, she wasn't all that little.
00:35:29She was a hot-looking high school senior
00:35:31with clear blue eyes
00:35:33and fine, firm breasts.
00:35:35That's not the way Mommy tells it.
00:35:37Shut up.
00:35:38That's the way I tell it.
00:35:39Anyhow, one day she came home
00:35:41after cheerleading practice
00:35:42and she realized she wanted to go jogging.
00:35:45What?
00:35:46Take her home
00:38:13Okay, Mom.
00:38:21Uncle Mike, this story stinks.
00:38:23Where's the big bad wolf?
00:38:24Isn't there supposed to be a big bad wolf?
00:38:27Well, yeah, I'm getting to that.
00:38:29Meanwhile, across town there lived this guy named Willie.
00:38:32Was he a wolf?
00:38:33Well, no.
00:38:35Technically he wasn't.
00:38:36Not full-time, anyway.
00:38:38What's happening, my man?
00:38:53I got a little present for you from the islands.
00:38:55Really?
00:38:56How lovely.
00:38:56I'll save that for my vacation.
00:39:02Enjoy.
00:39:02Lunch hour.
00:39:04So, how much do I owe you this time?
00:39:0825 will do it.
00:39:09I can only get seven for you this time.
00:39:12Yeah, we had an arrangement.
00:39:13No, no.
00:39:14Just raise the price when you resell them.
00:39:18Yeah, sure.
00:39:22I don't know who would take this shit anyhow.
00:39:24Frankly, I took two of these.
00:39:26Knocked me out for two days one time.
00:39:29Excuse me.
00:39:30Oh, yes, ma'am.
00:39:31What can I do for you?
00:39:32Well, I'm here to pick up a prescription for my grandmother.
00:39:34Name's Krieger.
00:39:35Uh-huh.
00:39:36Is this a house account?
00:39:37Uh, yeah.
00:39:39Oh, I'll call out of the charts for this.
00:39:41I'll be right back.
00:39:49So, what's your name?
00:39:52Rachel.
00:39:54That's a pretty name.
00:39:56Biblical, huh?
00:39:57I wouldn't know.
00:40:00I'm doing anything later.
00:40:03None of your business.
00:40:04Here you are, Ms. Krieger.
00:40:06If you'll just sign here.
00:40:07Okay.
00:40:08Rachel.
00:40:10Rachel.
00:40:11Um, where?
00:40:11Just anywhere on the bottom's fine.
00:40:17There you go.
00:40:19Bye-bye.
00:40:20Bye.
00:40:21Always a pleasure.
00:40:27Take this.
00:40:28We'll help you forget.
00:40:31Right.
00:40:46Sorry.
00:40:47Where were you?
00:40:49Just running.
00:40:52Yeah.
00:40:52Where were you?
00:40:56Waiting for you.
00:41:00Hi.
00:41:01Hi.
00:41:01Hi.
00:41:02Not here.
00:41:13You're not going to back on me again, are you?
00:41:23You want to go someplace else?
00:41:24All right.
00:41:24You're not going to back on me again, are you?
00:41:26You want to go someplace else?
00:41:28You're not going to back on me again, are you not going to back on me again, are you not going to back on me again, are you not going to back on me again, are you not going to back on me again, are you not going to back on me again, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me, are you not going to back on me
00:41:58You gave me the goddamn grandmother's medicine.
00:42:09What are you talking about?
00:42:14Oh, shit.
00:42:15Oh, shit is right.
00:42:17I need those pills.
00:42:20Well, maybe you should ask Granny for them.
00:42:22Maybe you should ask Granny tomorrow morning.
00:42:23She's going to be sleeping pretty well tonight.
00:42:25Just give me your address.
00:42:26Quick.
00:42:28Oh, man, I can't do that.
00:42:31Listen to me, you shit.
00:42:33If I'm not outcalled by Moonrise tonight...
00:42:36Give me your address.
00:42:47Now.
00:42:48Here we are.
00:43:06This is it.
00:43:08You're serious, aren't you?
00:43:12What do you think?
00:43:14How very classy.
00:43:19Well, lucky for you, I just happen to have some candles and an air mattress.
00:43:28How very spontaneous.
00:43:32Um, did you happen to bring an air pump by any chance?
00:43:35You're just...
00:44:04Oh, my God.
00:44:05Yes, can I help you?
00:44:18Yeah, hi.
00:44:19Um, is Rachel here?
00:44:21No.
00:44:34She's not.
00:44:34She's not here.
00:44:38What's your name?
00:44:39Willie.
00:44:40Willie.
00:44:41Huh?
00:44:42If you leave your number, I'll have her call you.
00:44:45No, no, you can't do that.
00:44:47You see, it's kind of important.
00:44:49Can I just come inside?
00:44:50Oh, absolutely not.
00:44:52No, if you can't leave your number, you'll have to go.
00:44:55Excuse me.
00:44:56Open the door.
00:44:57I will not.
00:44:58I will not.
00:44:59Now you go away or I'll call the police.
00:45:01Lady, will you just open the door?
00:45:02Lady, will you just open the door?
00:45:03Lady!
00:45:04Lady!
00:45:05Lady!
00:45:06Lady!
00:45:07Lady!
00:45:08Lady!
00:45:09Open the door!
00:45:10Lady!
00:45:11Lady!
00:45:12I have a meat cleaver here and I know how to use it!
00:45:13I know how to use it!
00:45:14Where?
00:45:15I told you of a grain of oil!
00:45:16How the beef is you?
00:45:17Where is it?
00:45:18You scared me if I could, you?
00:45:19I have a meat cleaver here and I know how to use it!
00:45:49I have a meat cleaver and I know how to use it!
00:46:19Oh wait, I have to pee!
00:46:49I'm back!
00:47:14I missed you!
00:47:18Hi.
00:47:25Hi.
00:47:26What's the matter now?
00:47:39Making love here.
00:47:41Spiders.
00:47:43Nah, it's too cold for spiders.
00:47:51You scared?
00:47:59Yeah.
00:48:00Max.
00:48:09Max.
00:48:14Max.
00:48:39Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
00:48:44Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
00:49:05Fuck.
00:49:06Fuck.
00:49:09No! I'm ready!
00:49:39I don't look any different.
00:49:43What?
00:49:46Nothing.
00:50:03Did you hear that?
00:50:06Hear what?
00:50:08I don't hear anything.
00:50:38Sorry we did it?
00:50:40No.
00:50:41Good.
00:50:42Hey, come on.
00:50:43It's getting late.
00:50:44What time is it?
00:50:45I don't know.
00:50:46Must be about 6.
00:50:47Oh, shit.
00:50:48My grandmother's gonna kill me.
00:50:49Oh!
00:50:50Oh!
00:50:51Oh!
00:50:52Oh!
00:50:53Oh!
00:50:54Oh!
00:50:55Oh!
00:50:56Oh, no.
00:50:57Oh!
00:50:58Oh!
00:50:59Oh!
00:51:00Oh!
00:51:01Oh!
00:51:02Oh!
00:51:03Oh!
00:51:04Oh!
00:51:05Oh!
00:51:06Oh!
00:51:07Oh!
00:51:08Oh!
00:51:09Oh!
00:51:11Oh!
00:51:12Oh!
00:51:13Oh!
00:51:14Oh!
00:51:15I don't know.
00:51:45I don't know.
00:52:15I don't know.
00:52:45Who's there?
00:52:55Stop it!
00:52:57Stop it!
00:52:59Stop it!
00:53:01Stop it!
00:53:05Stop it!
00:53:07Stop it!
00:53:11Stop it!
00:53:13Stop it!
00:53:15Stop it!
00:53:23Stop it!
00:53:25Stop it!
00:53:27Stop it!
00:53:31Stop it!
00:53:33Stop it!
00:53:35Well, we're here.
00:53:37You don't want me to walk you to the door?
00:53:39No.
00:53:40I'm in enough trouble.
00:53:42Wait here.
00:53:43I'll be back.
00:53:52Graham?
00:53:53Graham?
00:53:55Graham?
00:53:57Graham?
00:54:19Graham?
00:54:21Graham?
00:54:22Graham?
00:54:29Are you?
00:54:30Graham?
00:54:31Graham?
00:54:32Graham?
00:54:33Graham?
00:54:34Operator, please, something terrible has happened.
00:54:44Oh, send an ambulance, yeah.
00:54:46My address is at 80 Oakley Road.
00:54:49Please hurry.
00:54:49Oh, my God.
00:55:19Oh, my God.
00:55:49Dr. Martin, Dr. Martin, please dial 3-1-4.
00:55:55Dr. Martin, Dr. Martin, please dial 3-1-4.
00:55:59Don't you think it's time you headed home?
00:56:02It's my fault.
00:56:04How can you say that?
00:56:06I want to be here when she wakes up.
00:56:08Can I get you some tea or something?
00:56:14No.
00:56:14No.
00:56:14No.
00:56:23Graham?
00:56:28Rachel?
00:56:31Oh, Rachel.
00:56:33Grandma, I was so worried.
00:56:37It's okay.
00:56:40It's okay.
00:56:42How do you feel?
00:56:44I ran to the door.
00:56:51The bastard shot me from behind.
00:56:55I'm so sorry.
00:56:57I should have...
00:56:59Grim, are you all right?
00:57:07Grandma, what big teeth you have!
00:57:14Red Riding Hood is grabbed in a frenzy of snarls and growls,
00:57:19ripped apart, and unfortunately, no one lived happily ever after.
00:57:23The end.
00:57:24Good night.
00:57:29Uncle Mike.
00:57:50Uncle Mike.
00:57:51Uncle Mike!
00:58:17Ah! Monster!
00:58:21Monster!
00:58:25There is no monster in here.
00:58:27There's no monster in here. Nothing here, nothing here.
00:58:30Definite deficit of monsters in here, isn't there?
00:58:33No monster in here. Nothing in here.
00:58:36Okay, so you see there's no monster in this room, right?
00:58:40Just one more story, please. Goldilocks and three bears, please.
00:58:44No. Just one, please.
00:58:46No, no, no. No more.
00:58:48It's time to go to bed.
00:58:51Brian, no, no, no.
00:58:53Brian!
00:58:57Once upon a time, on a bright sunny spring day,
00:59:01while the birds were singing and the bees were being,
00:59:07there lived Papa Bear and Mama Bear and Baby Bear
00:59:11and a little girl named Goldilocks.
00:59:15All right, all right. Just what do you two think you're doing?
00:59:31We're going home.
00:59:32Sure you are. Maybe you'd like some money to take along with you.
00:59:36Sure, that'd be real. Let me handle this.
00:59:38Now, we don't want any problems from you, pal.
00:59:41We'll be out of here in a few minutes.
00:59:43Okay, okay. Why don't you just give me that gun
00:59:45before you get yourselves in trouble?
00:59:50Now, don't try anything funny.
00:59:52Look, Dad. It's Mama.
00:59:55Oh, no. I'm not falling for that old one.
01:00:14Oh, I am sorry. I am late.
01:00:17But you wouldn't believe the day I had one thing after Annette.
01:00:20First, this morning, I get a phone call.
01:00:22Miss Fran, we got his head stuck in the revolving door
01:00:24so they can answer my 3-30 hairdresser.
01:00:26Then, I'm sitting down watching Donahue.
01:00:28Why don't you tell us on the way?
01:00:30Oh, yes.
01:00:36Hang on, boys.
01:00:38Heads up.
01:00:42See?
01:00:47Only Grayson the first time.
01:01:03Life these days can be a mess.
01:01:05Daily decisions lead to stress.
01:01:07Are you dreading what each bread a day might bring?
01:01:10Are there voices in your head
01:01:12and do you dive beneath the bed
01:01:14every time the phone begins to ring?
01:01:17Well, if your psyche's all undone,
01:01:19there's a place where you can roam
01:01:20where folks are weaving baskets,
01:01:22eating flies, and having fun.
01:01:25Papa.
01:01:26What?
01:01:27I have to go.
01:01:29Oh, baby. You should have thought of that
01:01:30before we left the asylum.
01:01:32Happens every time we go anywhere.
01:01:35Can we stop for ice cream?
01:01:37No!
01:01:39Just where are we going anywhere?
01:01:41Remember that nice little house we used to live in?
01:01:43I think it's vacant now.
01:01:46Oh, yeah.
01:01:47The one in Amityville.
01:01:48A fantasy world may be bliss
01:01:50and there is nothing wrong with this
01:01:52though still you can't have trouble finding dates.
01:01:56If you need a place to play,
01:01:58find yourself a hideaway.
01:02:00After all, it worked for Norman Bates.
01:02:03It's not that I'm not flattered.
01:02:05It's just that I'm, well, not ready to make that kind of commitment.
01:02:14I'm sorry things didn't work out between us.
01:02:16You are kind of cute.
01:02:20Will you be quiet?
01:02:25Well, I guess we better head inside.
01:02:28I really should be angry at you.
01:02:43You boys are all the same.
01:02:46Just want one thing and one thing only.
01:02:49Just like all the rest.
01:02:51Afternoon, boys!
01:02:55Why don't you give us a kiss?
01:03:00What kind of girl do you think I am?
01:03:06That guy.
01:03:07Let's see.
01:03:08Am I right?
01:03:09Norman, this is Fred.
01:03:10Fred, Norman, you two should get along well together.
01:03:13You have a lot in common.
01:03:14Time for News View from the Channel 12 Newsroom.
01:03:21This morning the calm serenity of the saints preserve us home for the helplessly insane
01:03:27was shattered by the bloody breakout of Beresford Papa Bear and Wilmont Baby Bear
01:03:35who are each serving combined sentences of 4,726 years for their assorted crimes.
01:03:43With me is Lieutenant Jack B. Nimble of the Metro Police.
01:03:47Tell me, Lieutenant, are there any new developments in the breakout?
01:03:51Our best clue so far is a set of tire tracks from the car.
01:03:55Surely there are quite a few cars with similar tread patterns.
01:04:00But not with dentures in them.
01:04:02In addition to the Bear family's bloody escape today, police believe the murderous Goldie Locks,
01:04:07who escaped last week, is now in our vicinity.
01:04:10Miss Locks, who has been periodically institutionalized since the age of eight,
01:04:15exhibits extreme psychotic behavior and is believed to be responsible for the deaths of at least 14 people,
01:04:21including her own parents.
01:04:23I'm standing here with Captain Jack B. Quick.
01:04:27I'm the darling of the media already.
01:04:29Captain Quick, tell me, what is your strategy?
01:04:33That is, exactly what measures are being taken to end the ghastly murderous spree of Miss Locks?
01:04:42Well, we plan to arrest her and, of course, put her in jail.
01:04:47That ought to do it.
01:04:48Moreover, it has been alleged, although this reporter finds it highly unlikely,
01:04:53that Miss Locks has some unusual psychic powers.
01:04:56Although we hasten to add, this has never been confirmed.
01:05:00In other news, President Ray...
01:05:07Consider it confirmed.
01:05:11Are we almost there yet?
01:05:14I'm hungry.
01:05:16Oh, there's a picnic basket there in the back, dear.
01:05:19Now we're getting somewhere.
01:05:21Yeah.
01:05:27What the hell is this?
01:05:29Porridge.
01:05:30Why must we always have porridge?
01:05:32Don't you know how to make anything but porridge?
01:05:35Tradition.
01:05:37Well, that's got a new tradition.
01:05:38Steak, pork, yak, anything but porridge.
01:05:42You know we can't afford steak, not on your salary, which at the moment is nothing.
01:05:47Right.
01:05:49We need money.
01:05:51How about welfare?
01:05:53What?
01:05:54Welfare?
01:05:55That's ridiculous.
01:05:56Our family will get our money the way we've always gotten it.
01:05:59Honorable.
01:06:08Hey!
01:06:09Hey, you can't do that!
01:06:10Stop!
01:06:13You can't do that!
01:06:14Boy!
01:06:15Savage.
01:06:16Boy.
01:06:22Boy.
01:06:23and that was the scene today as the notorious bear family successfully pulled off a daring
01:06:43daylight robbery i'm fortunate enough to have in the studio with me today lieutenant nimble
01:06:49of the area police in charge of the bear family apprehension and captain quick of the state
01:06:55police in charge of the locks investigation gentlemen thank you for taking time out of
01:07:00your busy schedules to be with us today sure anything to get on television captain quick
01:07:06what do you think the recent murder sprees say about today's society i don't know well it's
01:07:14uh it's because of today's uh permissive sex and uh and recreational violence it's it's like a huge
01:07:24festering puss war and it just keeps getting larger and bigger and grows larger and larger until it
01:07:31explodes covering us all with a sticky slimy smelly mess it's like when you lay down with with dogs
01:07:39you get up with puppies sir well let's follow that up lieutenant nimble in cases such as these what
01:07:44are the chances for a successful rehabilitation oh i gotta catch him first what you have to catch him
01:07:51first what do you mean by that nothing remember i've seen you in action are you saying i'm a bad cop
01:07:58yeah yeah i'm calling you a bad cop oh yeah fellas hey you're on the air oh hey
01:08:10someone's in there all right
01:08:19Everyone's in there, all right.
01:08:27Maybe we could throw in a few of these, just to soften up the area.
01:08:32At the community college, silly, I took pyrotechnics, hand-to-hand combat, and...
01:08:37What else? Oh, yes, macrame.
01:08:41Nah, too messy.
01:08:44Let's go in with the old Avon lady bit.
01:08:47Just cover us with the Uzi.
01:08:49Um...
01:08:54Yeah! Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah!
01:09:06Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah...
01:09:10Someone sleeping in my bed.
01:09:26There's someone sleeping in my bed!
01:09:31Somebody's sleeping in my bed!
01:09:33I like walking in the rain!
01:09:36You're expecting, perhaps, Janet Leigh?
01:09:56All right, get out!
01:10:01Look what I found!
01:10:05look what i found i'm sorry i didn't think anyone lived here aren't you cute what's your name honey
01:10:12goldie goldie locks actually it's gold i was born during the sixth day war isn't she darling
01:10:19shall i waste a deal no don't i'm i wouldn't be much father i can cook and do all sorts of things
01:10:25well i don't know what do you think mama i think she'll fit in just fine around here
01:10:32she'll be like the daughter we never had and you'll be like the parents i brutally slaughtered
01:10:37she's been spotted here here and here now our reconnaissance says she has to be here in this
01:10:45deserted house so here's the plan of action in one hour we'll form on the highway just outside the house
01:10:52once we group we go in and plane close cars we'll line up out front and wait for her to come out
01:11:00and bring plenty of firepower boys this little girl's our dynamo
01:11:10oh you must have been a beautiful baby you must have been a beautiful child
01:11:30oh hello baby startled me gee i'm sorry pop asked me to bury these guys
01:11:48so tell me why did they call you baby anyway i don't know
01:11:52i guess i got it when i was younger oh
01:12:00i like you baby
01:12:03you're so different
01:12:07oh no no no no no no i'm just a regular guy
01:12:11no don't ever say that you've got to be different from the rest
01:12:15i like you too goldie
01:12:19kiss me
01:12:32wow what a woman
01:12:33i love you
01:12:39i love you
01:12:41i love you
01:12:42Baby! Baby!
01:12:44Baby!
01:12:45I love you!
01:12:47Baby!
01:12:49Baby!
01:12:50Baby!
01:12:52No! Too rough! No!
01:12:54Baby!
01:12:56Baby! Baby!
01:12:58Baby!
01:13:12Oh, finally, I fell.
01:13:18Sorry, boys.
01:13:31Loves me.
01:13:32We know the bears are holed up in that house across the field.
01:13:35Now, considering the shrewd criminal mind we're dealing with...
01:13:39Loves me not.
01:13:40We decided to enter through the rear.
01:13:42Well, that's my idea.
01:13:45She loves me.
01:13:46You spell the name N-I-M...
01:13:48Loves me not.
01:13:50P-L-E.
01:13:51Now, in case they're shooting, remember, drop low and to my right.
01:13:55That's my best side.
01:13:58She loves me.
01:14:02We thank thee, Lord, for what we are about to receive.
01:14:08Pour it again!
01:14:09It's a little commotion.
01:14:10I didn't have the time to go to the store today.
01:14:14And on top of all that, it's too hot!
01:14:18What do we do?
01:14:20Well, why don't we go for a walk until it cools?
01:14:27Nah, screw it.
01:14:28Let's go get a pizza.
01:14:29Papa, I have to go.
01:14:37Yo!
01:14:37Go!
01:14:38Let's go.
01:15:08No anchovies.
01:15:11I don't like hairy fish.
01:15:13All right.
01:15:14No anchovies.
01:15:15Do you want anything else?
01:15:16Can I have a drink, Papa?
01:15:18Sure.
01:15:19Why not?
01:15:20I'll have a double bourbon and whiskey, please.
01:15:23I'll have a you.
01:15:25No.
01:15:26No you both.
01:15:27Choco Pop.
01:15:28Okay?
01:15:29What about you, little princess?
01:15:31Coke.
01:15:32Geez, what a bunch of wheels.
01:15:38All right, men.
01:15:43That's far enough.
01:15:44From these positions, we have optimum viewing capacity.
01:15:48I don't want anyone to advance further until you hear my signal.
01:15:53The thing to do here is to remain calm, alert, and relaxed.
01:15:58The key is not to overreact.
01:16:00I'm getting too old for this type of life.
01:16:03I didn't want you to be part of it.
01:16:06I had other plans for you.
01:16:08Senator Bear.
01:16:10Governor Bear.
01:16:12President Bear.
01:16:13President Bear.
01:16:15Not this.
01:16:16If only we could just settle down quietly somewheres.
01:16:21Not now.
01:16:22We're probably on every police blotter in the country.
01:16:25Where will we go?
01:16:26What do we do?
01:16:27California.
01:16:28We'd probably blend in there.
01:16:29Nobody would notice us there.
01:16:30Yeah.
01:16:31And you can become one of them television preachers.
01:16:35Hey!
01:16:59Hey!
01:17:01Hey!
01:17:02Hey!
01:17:02Hey!
01:17:04Fire!
01:17:18And so the scene here is total carnage.
01:17:24To repeat, the infamous Bear gang has been wiped out by a fierce firefight
01:17:30that utilized the combined efforts of local authorities and the state police.
01:17:35In addition, the report is that little Goldie Locks,
01:17:40who is known to have killed a dozen-plus people,
01:17:43was also consumed in the fray.
01:17:47There are a great many bodies filed on the scene so far.
01:17:51Okay, that was two specials.
01:17:52And two coats.
01:17:53Though it is doubtful that the police would ever be able to positively identify any of the remains.
01:17:59I can't breathe.
01:18:01In addition, there are the following injuries.
01:18:03Seven of those...
01:18:05Twelve state police wounded,
01:18:08as well as...
01:18:09My treat.
01:18:10I've never been injured.
01:18:11You're right.
01:18:12I'm no longer been injured.
01:18:13I'm no longer been injured.
01:18:14I'm no longer been injured.
01:18:15I'm a traitor.
01:18:16Oh!
01:18:17There's a man there when you're killed.
01:18:18You are a villain.
01:18:19Oh!
01:18:20Oh!
01:18:21Oh!
01:18:22Oh!
01:18:23Oh!
01:18:24Oh!
01:18:25Oh!
01:18:26Oh!
01:18:27And they all lived happily ever after.
01:18:45Though not everyone they came across was so lucky.
01:18:51Okay? No more stories?
01:18:54No more stories.
01:18:55Okay.
01:18:56Good night.
01:18:58Night.
01:19:06Uncle Mike?
01:19:15No.
01:19:45And we crown Miss Lude Bayonne.
01:19:56The winner is...
01:19:58Nah.
01:20:15The winner is...
01:20:45The winner is...
01:21:15Hey, you and Red, why don't you wait for me?
01:21:20Whoa, there, Red, come on, slow down, please.
01:21:24You don't have to run, we can have some fun.
01:21:29Honey, don't you be a tear.
01:21:31I said, hey, cute little ass, give me a chance.
01:21:37Let me see what's in your basket.
01:21:39I'll be good to you, I'll do just what you want to do.
01:21:46All you've got to do is ask it.
01:21:49I was grasping at straws, sprained my two back paws, stumbling after her.
01:21:57So I yelled, I'm a wolf among men.
01:22:01Come on back to my den.
01:22:03Run your fingers through my foot.
01:22:06Hey, you and Red, why can't you wait for me?
01:22:18Slow down that red, you know this ain't the Grand Prix.
01:22:22Forget your mama's advice.
01:22:25Wolves can be nice.
01:22:26Just wait up there, you'll see.
01:22:31Ow, ow, ow, ow.
01:22:32All right now, baby.
01:22:35Come on.
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