- 10 months ago
Police Station Comedy
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00.
00:22Morning, Sarge.
00:24Morning, sir.
00:25I'd like to report a crime. I've been burgled.
00:27Oh, certainly, sir.
00:28If I could just take a few particulates.
00:30Name.
00:31You know who I am, Sarge. It's me, Beb.
00:33I'm sorry, sir.
00:34Just because you're my commanding officer,
00:35I can't give you any preferential treatment.
00:37Excellent idea, Sarge.
00:39Just treat me like a normal member of the public.
00:41Right.
00:42Take a seat.
00:43We'll be with you in five or six hours.
00:45Now, we'll skip that bit, shall we?
00:48As you wish, sir.
00:49Kelly, take a statement of this gentleman, would you?
00:52Right.
00:53If you'd like to come with me, sir,
00:54or perhaps you'd be more comfortable in your own office.
00:56No, the bleak room with the hard chairs we find, Kevin.
00:59But no physical violence, sir.
01:01Oh, absolutely not, sir.
01:09So, what appears to be the problem, sir?
01:11No need to call me sir, Kevin.
01:13Just treat me like a normal member of the public.
01:15Well, that's what we call all members of the public, sir.
01:17What?
01:18Sir, sir.
01:19You know what they call members of the public in America, Kevin?
01:22Asshole.
01:24Dog breast.
01:26Slime ball.
01:28Don't think I'll ever catch on in the home county, sir.
01:30So, sir, you've been burgled.
01:32Again?
01:33So, sir, you've been burgled.
01:34No, I've been burgled again.
01:36You people, you sit there in your smug blue uniforms.
01:41You'd feel different if it happened to you.
01:43Just calm down, sir.
01:44Let's just start from the beginning.
01:46So, sir, you've been burgled?
01:59Yes.
02:00The first time was a week ago.
02:02I didn't report it.
02:03Well, because you know how it is, you mislay things and just think they'll turn up eventually.
02:07So, what was missing?
02:08The deep freeze and the three-piece sweep.
02:11That's the third time this gang have struck this week.
02:14Well, it's fair enough when members of the public get robbed,
02:17but what kind of world is it where the police force get burglarised?
02:20Well, Wendy, you know what they say.
02:22All property is theft.
02:24Who says that, then?
02:25The Bolsheviks.
02:26Well, I think they might be onto something there.
02:29If all property was theft, then we could nick everybody.
02:32Make the job a lot easier.
02:34Yeah?
02:35I got the sting out the other week on video,
02:38starring Robert Redford, Paul Newman and Robert Shaw.
02:41Did you really, madam?
02:43I've never seen anyone look less like a policeman than you do.
02:46Here's a bottle of cider, madam.
02:48Perhaps you'd like to harangue people on the precinct.
02:51I don't like your tone, officer.
02:53And I don't like your dress, but I'm too polite to say so.
02:58You can't be too careful these days.
03:00All sorts of people call at your door.
03:02They told my neighbours they were removals men.
03:05Everything's gone.
03:06Furniture, carpets, the car.
03:08Even the gardening tools.
03:09I'm sorry, madam, but do you know there's a hole in your face
03:12that won't stop moving?
03:14I'm a rate payer, you know.
03:16And I insist that you give me two constables
03:19to accompany me home to make a list of the missing articles.
03:22Why settle for two?
03:23Why not have four?
03:24I can't make them a cup of tea, you know.
03:26They took the kettle.
03:27Here's a kettle, cups, milk, and British Rail real leaf tea bags.
03:39John, Phil, Brian, Shirley, go with...
03:42Mrs. Ivy Greenwood.
03:44Come along.
03:51What an obnoxious woman.
03:53She made the little hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
03:56You fancy her, don't you, Sarge?
03:59Don't be ridiculous.
04:01No need to be embarrassed.
04:02It's the same for all of us.
04:04In fact, it's worse when you're a woman and you get to my age
04:07and start wondering whether you're still attractive.
04:09All the blokes under 30 want to marry you
04:11and all the blokes over 30
04:13just want to sleep with as many women as possible before they die.
04:16Human nature, Wendy.
04:18What are you doing here, Ted? Shouldn't you be off to bed?
04:20God, I hate working nights.
04:2220 years in the force and this is what I amounts to.
04:24Sitting up in cortinas all night,
04:26sleeping in your clothes with a kebab as a pillow.
04:28A pint of lager, please, Sarge, and a large scotch.
04:31Sorry, Ted, lagers off.
04:32Do you want to wait while I change the barrel?
04:34Give us a bottle of Guinness, then.
04:36Your Brenda phoned earlier.
04:38Oh, yeah.
04:39Wanted me to pick up her valiant from the chemist.
04:41No, she was using the new hotline.
04:43She wanted to report you for drink driving.
04:48Give Sarge a hand with the post, Ted.
04:50I'm off duty.
04:52That teacher Kevin goes out with.
04:55Teachers, eh?
04:56Scum of the earth.
04:58I think the government should suspend him and send in the troops.
05:02It's an opinion.
05:05Kevin!
05:08What's all this about?
05:10Oh, I'm sorry.
05:13Oh, he's silly, really.
05:15Who?
05:16Kevin.
05:17Want to talk about it?
05:18Far away, then.
05:19Don't worry about them.
05:20Policemen are like doctors.
05:22Heard it all before.
05:24Is he all right, is Kevin?
05:26You know, we've been out together a couple of times.
05:29Do you think I'm attractive?
05:32Yes, of course you are.
05:33I just wondered.
05:34Carry on.
05:35You and Kevin.
05:36It's difficult to know how to say this.
05:38I'm not a bit of a dog.
05:41No?
05:42That's all right, then.
05:43You see, I've got myself in an impossible situation.
05:46I'm not as attractive as you, though.
05:49Oh, you are.
05:50And I'm not.
05:51Your hair's natural.
05:52Yes, but I'm not pretty.
05:54Oh, no, you're not pretty.
05:57You've got a lot of character.
05:59I'm bland.
06:00You see, the problem is I haven't told Kevin yet.
06:04There is this bloke I really like, you see.
06:06I don't know.
06:08I just don't know how to let him know.
06:09I'm interested.
06:10Oh, tell him.
06:12I could, you know.
06:13I could just...
06:14I could just look him up in the phone book and ring him.
06:17Well, there you are, Kevin.
06:18Oh, yeah.
06:19Oh, I don't know how to tell him this.
06:21Oh, God, I'm up for which end.
06:24Oh, you're the only person I can talk to.
06:26Do you mind if I ask your advice?
06:29I'll ring him now.
06:32Who's the senior officer around here?
06:34I am.
06:35Oh, well, I want to make a complaint.
06:37So do I.
06:38You'll have to wait your turn.
06:41Sarge, get on to Forensic.
06:43Get them to send over a couple of blokes with tweed jackets and magnifying glasses.
06:47I want a full systematic search of my garden.
06:49They haven't taken your polyanthus, sir.
06:52Sarge, the robbers might have got in over the garden fence
06:54and accidentally drop something that might give us a lead.
06:57A glove with their name in, perhaps.
07:00I've had an idea, sir.
07:02Why don't we search all the bushes in your garden for fibre fragments?
07:05If we can narrow down what sort of jacket this robber was wearing,
07:08we might be able to work out what sort of trousers and jumper he had on
07:11and whether or not he bought them from a catalogue.
07:13Then all we have to do is draw up the list of everybody in Great Britain
07:16who buys their clothes from catalogues
07:19and go through and eliminate them one by one.
07:22It'd be easier if we had a glove with his name in it.
07:24Look, I am not hanging around here all day.
07:27All right, all right, I'll speak to you in a minute.
07:30Ted, would you show this gentleman through to my office, please?
07:33I'm off duty.
07:34Oh, good grief!
07:38If you'd like to make yourself at home, sir.
07:40Right.
07:41Put some opera on if you like.
07:42I think I've got something out to suit most tastes.
07:49There's a tin of corned beef in the top right-hand drawer if you get peckish,
07:52but I'm afraid I've lost the little key.
07:54Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
07:58I'm afraid we've got a bit of a problem here, sir.
08:00Yes, Sarge?
08:01Your burglary doesn't score enough points to warrant investigation.
08:04You've what?
08:05National policy, I'm afraid, sir.
08:07Home Office Directive, sir.
08:0882% of all crimes must go uninvestigated.
08:11I mean, if we haven't got a witness and no chance of detecting,
08:13then we just don't bother.
08:16Would you file this, please, Kevin?
08:17Oh, yes, Sarge.
08:18That's not fair!
08:20Ted, go and catch this burglar.
08:22I'm off duty, sir.
08:24Mind you, you get me off nights.
08:26I might see what I can do.
08:27That's bribery, Ted.
08:29Blackmail, actually, sir.
08:30Yes, indeed.
08:31Sorry, Ted, we're not allowed to investigate crimes
08:33that don't score enough points.
08:35And now, my wife lately bought a gorgonzola cheese.
08:38She bought it from a short mark cheap.
08:40She thought that a loving husband it'll please,
08:42if only till his birthday it'll keep.
08:43And so she locked that cheese up safely in a drawer.
08:45A month went by, perhaps a little more.
08:47And when the birthday came around, the party went off great,
08:49until she bought the gorgonzola cheese out on a plate.
08:54I'm off duty, I can do what I like.
08:57I think, perhaps, you'd better fill in another form, sir.
09:03Thank you, Sarge.
09:04Kevin.
09:05What?
09:06Come here.
09:07Excuse me, young man.
09:08Yes, madam?
09:10What is your desk sergeant's name?
09:12Sarge.
09:13His Christian name.
09:15Morning, I suppose.
09:17He looks like a Donald or Dimitri to me.
09:23Ellen's looking for you.
09:24What?
09:25Where?
09:26In the locker room.
09:27She's got something terrible to tell you.
09:28What?
09:29I don't know.
09:30She wouldn't say.
09:31I've got a list of the missing items, Sargeant.
09:33Ooh, Mrs Greenwood.
09:35Call me Ivy.
09:36Only if you'll creep up the outside of my house.
09:41My husband used to say that.
09:43Your husband?
09:44He's dead.
09:45Oh, that's good.
09:46Sad.
09:47That's sad.
09:48Everything's insured, so I won't worry about getting it back.
09:52Funny.
09:53I always intended to redecorate after my husband died, and now I've got the chance.
09:57Russet is a nice colour for a living room.
10:00Yes.
10:01I was thinking of Russet.
10:03Were you?
10:04Life's full of ironies, isn't it?
10:06A month before my husband became bedridden, I took up judo.
10:10It came in very handy.
10:12Getting him in and out of bed.
10:14I had to take him down to the pub in a fireman's lift.
10:17And he was taller than you are.
10:19You're obviously a very strong woman, Ivy.
10:23Look, I was so rude earlier.
10:25Please, accept this.
10:27It's from Marx.
10:28It's the biggest they had.
10:30You can take it back if it's too small.
10:33Uh, Ivy, Middelford Operatic Society are doing showboat tonight.
10:39Um, I was wondering if you'd like to go.
10:42The blacking up can be a bit distressing, but the tunes are ever so good.
10:46I'd love to.
10:48Really?
10:49Starts at 8.
10:50See you outside Knicker Box, 7.30.
10:53Yes.
10:54Oh, I don't know your name.
10:57Oh, it's Sarge.
10:59Your parents knew you were going to be a policeman when they christened you then.
11:03Yes, my father was a policeman.
11:05It was a toss-up between Super and Sarge.
11:08If I'd been a girl, they were going to call me Nurse.
11:11Until tonight then, Sarge.
11:18Hello, Kevin.
11:19What are you doing here?
11:21She's got something to tell you, Kevin.
11:23Oh, no.
11:24You can't come on the sponsored hike next week, can you?
11:2847 sponsors I've got and now you're not even going to come?
11:32God, I feel so stupid.
11:34It's not that, Kevin.
11:36This is something that could affect the rest of our life.
11:39The rest of our life?
11:40How do you mean?
11:41Anyone got 10p?
11:42The box keeps swallowing my money.
11:45Could you excuse us, please, Wendy?
11:47May as well phone him while I'm in the mood, eh?
11:49Wendy, do you mind going away?
11:50Leave us on our own, please.
11:52How did he react?
11:54I thought you were going to tell him.
11:56She hasn't told him yet.
12:00All right.
12:01I'll be off then.
12:02Leave you two lovebirds to it.
12:07It's very hard to know how to say this, Kevin.
12:10Just say it, Ellen.
12:12Kevin.
12:13Excuse me, love.
12:14Oh, for God's sake, Dave.
12:15Do you mind?
12:16We're trying to have a personal conversation here.
12:19I'm pregnant!
12:20She's pregnant!
12:24Right, Sarge.
12:26That's the lot.
12:27In the unlikely event that we recover this stuff, is there any work telephone number we can contact you at?
12:33Yes, sir.
12:34Middelford 24245.
12:38245.
12:39Any extension number?
12:40No.
12:41Just ask for Sarge and he'll put you through.
12:43Sarge.
12:45Fine.
12:46Put your sign here.
12:48Great.
12:49Great.
12:50Well, that's just wonderful.
12:51That's it.
12:52That is it.
12:53I may as well just kiss my youth goodbye.
12:55What's all this about kissing youths, Kevin?
12:59No more independence.
13:00No more making my own decisions.
13:01No more nights out with the lads.
13:03It's all right, Kevin.
13:04I'm your commanding officer.
13:06You can tell me.
13:07Whatever it is.
13:08Ellen's pregnant and she wants me to marry her.
13:11I'll be in my office if anyone needs me.
13:21Sarge.
13:23That is my office, isn't it?
13:24Yes, sir.
13:25Only there's a strange man sitting at my desk.
13:28Yes, there is.
13:29My replacement?
13:31Are you trying to tell me I've been sent?
13:34Oh, well.
13:35I might as well just go and clean out my desk and be off.
13:3920 years in the force and this is how you're treated.
13:42Sir, there's just been a phone call saying you've been reinstated.
13:45Oh.
13:46Well, it's good to be back at the helm.
13:49Why don't you have a word with the man in your office, sir?
13:50Yes, Sarge, I'll do that.
13:52One last thing, sir.
13:53Yes, Sarge.
13:54He's a member of the public and you're the commanding officer.
13:57Thank you, Sarge.
13:58Right, you're a member of the public and I'm the commanding officer.
14:08Now, what can I do for you?
14:11I want to make a complaint.
14:14I have been persistently followed and harassed by one of your officers.
14:19Oh, that's probably because you've done something wrong.
14:23We don't follow people for no reason.
14:24We haven't got the manpower for it.
14:25If I am under surveillance, I would like to know why.
14:28In an ideal world, we'll be able to follow everybody, of course.
14:32Now, let's just see if you're on our wanted list.
14:35What's your name?
14:36Martin. Andy Martin.
14:38Well, Mr. Martin.
14:41I haven't done anything wrong.
14:42That's what they all say, Mr. Martin.
14:44Or should I say, Jerry the Weasel?
14:48What?
14:50Nothing, just a stab in the dark.
14:52We get some hard best results that way.
14:56No, nothing here.
14:59Well, Mr. Martin, could you describe the officer who's been harassing you?
15:03Shortish, blonde, a fringe, yeah, a bobcat.
15:07Pretty, definitely pretty.
15:10Blonde and pretty.
15:12Are you sure this officer wasn't a woman?
15:14She is a woman.
15:16Right.
15:17Now we're getting somewhere.
15:19Excuse me, sir.
15:20I think you'd better come and talk to Kenny.
15:22He's on top of the drinks machine in a fetal position.
15:24That's her!
15:26The one that's been harassing me!
15:27Thought you said she was pretty.
15:29I want to make a complaint!
15:31Well, Wendy, what have you got to say for yourself?
15:33It's a fair cop.
15:35We've got her, sir.
15:38Who do you think you are, Ted?
15:40Some sort of Greek chorus?
15:42Barging in here and commenting on what other people are doing?
15:45Of course we've got her, Ted.
15:46I can see we've got her.
15:47Wendy's not denying that.
15:49No, sir, the burglar.
15:51No, sir, the burglar?
15:53What's that meant to mean?
15:55It's not a proper sentence, Ted.
15:57It hasn't got a verb in it.
15:59I have nicked the burglar, sir.
16:02Well, why didn't you say so before?
16:05Where is it?
16:06It's the unusual thing, sir.
16:07Good news, everyone.
16:08Ellen and I are getting married.
16:13Well, congratulations.
16:14I hope you'll be very happy together.
16:17Are there to be any pretense?
16:19Kevin has agreed to marry me because I'm pregnant.
16:22Well, we don't mind them knowing that, do we, Kevin?
16:25No, I suppose not.
16:27And I just want to say how noble I think Kevin's been about all this.
16:30Well done, mate.
16:32Especially as the baby isn't his.
16:40Feeling better, Kevin?
16:42Yes, thanks.
16:43I'm sorry, Kevin.
16:45It just hadn't occurred to me that I might not be the father, that's all.
16:48Even though we've never slept together?
16:49You can't get someone pregnant just by sitting next to them in spudgy-like, you know, Kevin.
16:57Yeah, well, I haven't given it much thought. I don't think about sex that often.
17:01I thought men were meant to think about sex about once every 11 seconds on average.
17:06Once every 11 seconds while they're actually doing it.
17:08Apparently, that Julio Iglesias has had over 3,000 women.
17:14What for?
17:16He's not even good looking.
17:18How many have you had, Kevin?
17:20Oh, er, less than that.
17:23Ellen, can I ask you something?
17:25Who is the father?
17:26I don't think that really matters now, does it?
17:29I think I've got the right to know, Ellen.
17:31Especially as we're going to be married.
17:33You mean you're still...
17:36Oh, Kevin.
17:38Oh, it was Rodri Llewellyn.
17:40Oh, no! Rodri Llewellyn?
17:42Who's Rodri Llewellyn?
17:44The PE teacher.
17:46What's he like?
17:47He's a Welsh bloke in a tracksuit.
17:49I was feeling insecure.
17:52It was before I met up with you again.
17:54It was just a one-night stand at the parent-teacher's meeting.
17:59Not very romantic, is it?
18:02After the parent-teacher's meeting?
18:04Well, not after, during.
18:06What?
18:08Well, there's this big curtain across the stage.
18:11Wendy, er...
18:13Ben's ready to drag you over to Coles.
18:16Don't worry, I'm on your side.
18:18Sarge, can we have some tea-flavoured drinks in here, please?
18:21Right, Wendy.
18:22Right, Wendy.
18:24According to Mr Martin's statement, you first saw him three weeks ago in a public house.
18:29Shaggers.
18:30What?
18:31Here's the theme pub in the precinct.
18:32Used to be the Rawl Oak.
18:34Oh.
18:35Coming?
18:37Not often we have a wedding in the station, sir.
18:39So I thought we'd skip the tea-flavoured drinks and have champagne.
18:42Champagne.
18:43Oh, thank you, Sarge.
18:44When I say champagne, it's actually a champagne-style drink from South Africa.
18:48Just put it down, Sarge.
18:50And I've rustled up a few volubons.
18:52Egg and ham, prawn.
18:54Oh, and these are really a bit special.
18:57Smoked salmon and cream cheese.
18:58Very tasty, I'm sure, Sarge.
18:59And I've got some red biscuits out there smeared with liver patty, but they've gone just a tidge soggy, so I'll pop out and do some more.
19:07Right.
19:08So, Wendy, what first brought Mr Martin to your attention?
19:11It was my friend Marina, sir.
19:13She said, look at that geezer over there by the gents, Wend.
19:17Hanging around outside toilets.
19:18Sure sign of a drugs dealer, sir.
19:20And then, Wendy, you followed Mr Martin all the way home.
19:23Yes, sir.
19:24In a police car.
19:25Yes, sir.
19:26With the siren on.
19:27Right, I've done.
19:28Next morning she was knocking on my door while it was still dark.
19:31Yeah, probably searching for drugs, sir.
19:33Smack.
19:34I'd like to give you a smack.
19:36Well, Wendy, did you observe anything unusual?
19:38Um, well, he, um, he did have the sofa in a bit of a funny place, sir.
19:44What do you mean?
19:45Well, it kind of dominates the wrong way you've got it.
19:47If I was you, I'd put it under the windows.
19:49And last Thursday, Wendy, at two o'clock in the morning, you got Mr Martin out of bed
19:54to ask him if he knew that it was two o'clock in the morning.
19:57The final straw was yesterday at that nightclub.
19:59The Middleford Hawaiian experience.
20:01She comes marching up to me in her uniform with reflector shades and shouts,
20:06Oi, do you want to dance or what?
20:09Well, I had to shout.
20:10The music was very loud.
20:11Look, Mr Martin, before we take this any further, would you like to contact your lawyer?
20:15I am a lawyer.
20:17Not your day, is it, Wendy?
20:19You do realise you could be facing suspension, possibly even dismissal.
20:24Have you anything to say to account for your behaviour, Wendy?
20:27I fancied him.
20:29I couldn't think of a way to get to know him.
20:31Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed.
20:32More champagne, anyone?
20:33Suck a champagne.
20:34I need someone alcoholic, Wendy.
20:35I think you'd better say sorry to Mr Martin.
20:36Yes, sir.
20:37Sorry.
20:38You all right, Sarge?
20:39Yeah, fine, thanks, sir.
20:40Sarge, that jumper, it's not a police issue, is it?
20:41No, sir.
20:42Marks and Spencers.
20:43Come on, Ted, let's have a look at this burglar.
20:46I won't beat about the bush, Sarge.
20:47I'm so embarrassed.
20:48It's not a police issue, is it?
20:49It's a shame, Mr. St. Scolanum.
20:53Sorry.
20:54la-da-dee-doom, la-don.
20:56Are you all right, Sarge?
20:57Yeah, fine, thanks, Ted.
20:58Sarge, that jumper, is not a police issue, is it?
20:59No, sir, Marks and Spencers.
21:00Come on, Ted, let's have a look at this burglar.
21:03I won't beat about the bush, Sarge,
21:04I'll never beat about it, I won't beat about it, Sarge.
21:06Well, I've never beaten up the bus, Sarge,
21:07I'll hear you, Mr Martin.
21:08A little bit, must be personal.
21:09come on ted let's have a look at this burglar i won't beat about the bush sergeant i've got
21:13something to tell you i won't be able to come to showboat with you tonight oh and my husband isn't
21:18dead he's not a well man though he's the only thing the burglars didn't take in a way i wish
21:27they had oh i see i'm sorry i lied i don't know why i did i really do like you but he needs me
21:38i've got something for you ivy i was going to give it to you in the interval tonight um
21:46it's a hamper of cheese how romantic i love cheese soft cheese hard cheese festering pyrenean
21:58goat's cheese with tiny little wispy hairs on it it's all for you every time i pass marks and
22:05spencers i'll think of you ivy and every time i see some cheese i'll think of you sarge
22:12it's a stroke of luck really sir i bolted up just in time to see how a burglar bolgers brass loading
22:23your microwave in the back of an estate car like a blinking removals man or should i say removals
22:30woman a female burglar yeah good looking and all cracking legs on her yeah i'll give her one
22:39hello judith oh you you know each other do you yes ted she's my wife
22:45so where are you taking me then what about that big acid house party on the other side of the
22:53industrialist day where are we going to get tickets for that we don't need tickets i've got a warrant
23:00pick up at seven then yeah and uh make sure it's an unmarked car this time we're gonna be ever so
23:10happy together kevin i know we are ellen oh and every day when i'm slugging away at school i'll be
23:15thinking about you with the baby i can't bring the baby here ellen the place is full of criminals no
23:20you'll be at home with the baby what what is he's gonna have to give up their job and it's not gonna
23:27be me yeah it's not gonna be me either oh come on kevin you know you're a hopeless policeman and i'm
23:33a very good teacher hey look i think we should discuss this ellen and another thing kevin if the
23:39baby's a boy i'm going to call him rodry we've been separated for six years judith yes so what's the
23:49idea of stealing my property i was only taking what was mine you've taken everything well you
23:53keep the house it's a police house and the car and the dog are yours the car is a police car and
23:58the dog is a police dog what's fair for burglary six years take you to prison ted what i'm sending
24:05you to prison judith burglary is a very serious offense i don't think you can do that then i can do
24:10what i like i'm the commanding officer sarge said so she's well within her rights then look ted could
24:15you please leave us alone look judith how about we give it another go away ben our relationship
24:25was a fast we never saw each other well we'd have seen more of each other if you joined the place
24:29when i suggested it it was me who wanted a decent life for the twins you wanted them adopted of course
24:36i wanted them adopted they'd have been better off adopted you were never a proper mother always out of
24:41your family planning committee meetings and you always out of that sodding rotary club don't you
24:45ever call my rotary club sodding that's not one of our stupid rows ben why not they're always more
24:52fun than the sensible ones it all seems such a long time ago now what does 1969 the isle of white rock
25:04festival bob dylan king crimson the sid lawrence orchestra i don't know why you packed in the drug
25:11squad you really knew how to enjoy yourself in those days i was so young you know that was the the most
25:19impressive display of policemen dressing up ever mounted you know it was my idea for the lads to
25:24wear ladies wigs you know the constable in the beehive wasn't very convincing though that wasn't a beehive
25:29the silly fool put it on over the top of his helmet i've never seen anyone dance the way you dance
25:35the moody blues judith i was on drugs ben you should have nicked me really i remember thinking
25:41at the time that woman she dances like a cheetah she's got the teeth of the hydra upon her i painted
25:49a giant sunflower on one of your buttocks you did i remember it's still there you weren't able for two
25:56months yes two bizarre months living with your weird friends in that farmhouse in suffolk
26:03then one day we were making love and your wig fell off the summer of love the summer of love
26:13i bloody hated it look then take this it's about custody of the boys it'll save me posting it
26:22see you in court
26:28i didn't know you was a rotarian being well it looks like being a long court battle she's going
26:33to be fighting me every inch of the way over the custody of the twins she doesn't want them and
26:38neither do i excuse us mind your backs what are you doing sarge lagers off just going to change the barrel
26:52the wedding's off then oh kevin don't worry kevin women will always be a mystery to mere coppers like us
27:00who knows what strange chemistry draws some couples together and drives others apart
27:08well it's all fake in it sarge hey i mean i reckon it's all in the stars when you take me and brenda
27:13been together 23 years she's a sagittarius and what are you an alcoholic come on everybody back to work
27:22you may as well get these up while we're down here kevin we're out of brit vic
27:30you were married once weren't you sarge oh to dorothy poor dorothy what happened to her is she dead
27:37no she was a prison visitor took a shine to an axe murderer in broadmoor now they're living together
27:44where are they living then in broadmoor come on lad we were going to burglars to catch
27:58they've taken everything everything i said they were removal men ted still look on the bright side bed
28:06the lager's back on
28:14the
28:18the
28:20the
28:26the
28:28the
28:30the
28:32the
28:36the
28:40I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
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