- 8 months ago
Letterkenny Season 1 Episode 4 Wing Man Wayne
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00you're out getting good with your pals the other night
00:04it's been so long since i've had a pair of tits in my hands
00:08i popped a lap rocket opening up a can of tuna last sunday morning
00:12oh that's out of pudding
00:14not told gail it is it
00:16i'd love to hear your big bang theory daniel
00:19eww
00:20print it
00:21this is officially me calling down for more mail
00:24that's clever
00:25do you like magic
00:27pop that purple homewrecker over here
00:30make her disappear
00:33we should just be out there just pole vaulted around town boys
00:37wouldn't say no to a bit of toe curling
00:40i don't mean maybe
00:42won't be long before you have the option
00:44college and university kids will be home for the summer next week
00:48well that should help your spring fever
00:50which is a serious condition if not handled appropriately
00:53maybe skirt and t-bar season
00:55yep by all means ladies express yourselves
00:58just go easy down there squirt again
01:01i suffered severely from the spring fever last year
01:05had to go into full cougar mode
01:07with an 18 year old
01:09oh
01:09may have been my second cousin
01:11oh
01:12it's either that or be at home flicking it to grapefruit league baseball highlights
01:16you know they're all gonna be in here looking for a bit of how's your father
01:21make sure your game is tighter
01:23you'll be home firing wristers
01:25firing what
01:26oh
01:29i'll say we make this interesting
01:31whichever one's here grabs a tail first
01:34gets 50 bucks off their bar tab
01:37that is a texas size 10-4
01:40now you two get after it
01:42here's a tip when the getting's good around here stay close to your pal Wayne
01:48kids got more spunk than a hotel room hand towel
01:52well here's a tip don't fart in a space suit
01:55here's a tip don't sneeze when you're taking a piss
01:58here's a tip it's really hard to get tuna out of your dick hole
02:01this place is about to be crawling with snapper
02:08let's hope this is the last night you'll be going home to make a bald man puke
02:13you naturally prefer companionship
02:16but i guess there's a lot worse things than playing a little one man couch hockey in the dark
02:20wearing number 22 for the tackle tornadoes
02:35who fucking cares
02:38dig deep bear down you fucking hero
02:41you're my fucking hero tutu
02:43nice flow you fucking donkey take a lap
02:46give your balls a tug you tent fucker
02:49what the fuck are you looking at twos huh
02:52you're looking at my cock you fucking sally
02:55makes you in some class you fucking cock looker
02:57you're a fucking cock looker tutu
03:00hey shut the fuck up
03:01you're a fucking hero
03:03twos
03:04fucking suck at hockey tutu
03:08loser
03:10you don't wonder why tita doesn't come watch us play anymore bud
03:17makes no fucking sense buddy just fucking stud army born to go silky shell
03:23silky studs i mean italian silk
03:25it's ripping check
03:26just chucking mitts and sucking tits
03:29tossing nitty sucking tits
03:31just look at the snipers up there
03:36here support the boys
03:38must be nice verda
03:41verda
03:43that'd be pretty sick to see katie up there again
03:47so sick
03:49gotta be sure z
03:52first thirsty thursday of the season boys
03:58how's team morale
03:59i'm most excited for the buck hunter boy i'm gonna tell you that's what i'm gonna do
04:03holy fuck you guys knows if gail is making pickled eggs or pickled sausages
04:09bear in mind there is no wrong answer to this question
04:12i may be posted up looking for love and i don't care who knows it
04:15don't set the bar too high mutant
04:18that's fair you guys gonna be wearing belts
04:22hard no why don't you guys wear belts
04:25because you buy pants that fucking fit
04:27why would i buy a piece of leather that costs 25 when i have a perfectly good skate lace at home
04:3425 no working 25 you're lucky to have 25 belt fuck you've been to winners lately you're
04:41talking about 35 45 winners slow down there mr rocket feller i go down to the flea market in
04:49st jacobs 25 it gets you at least five belts plus a commemorative belt buckle says jesus holds
04:55up my pants for sunday morning boy howdy bunch of dj's ten losses in a row bro two's a streak bro
05:07like where the fuck's schultzy been out there schultzy's dog ship soupy's a plug
05:12and he's a pile nailsy cartsy burnsy deedsy brooksy brooksy brooksy got a hern dog siri dog
05:21yeah he's got off season surgery for sports hern dog he's out for four to six
05:26four to six for the best player
05:29where's koopsie been like poopsie i like milan pooch and pk pooban and ryan pugent hopkins
05:36kukarask the brothers miko and saku quick people joke bro it's embarrassing
05:47katie how come you don't watch us play anymore because you're dog
05:51shit we're not dog i mean the boys are dog
05:57shit i mean we're pretty good is that why they always play and you guys never do
06:06she might be on to something there bro i'm not seeing a whole lot of special teams time buddy
06:11you killed a penalty all year i mean we want to score goals but we just end up killing boys
06:16uh-huh would you come watch if we play a regular shift yeah what the else am i gonna do around here
06:26time to set up a meeting with the coach
06:33we're the biggest panty and pros in the league mixing some big minutes for a couple of stick and
06:38poxsters you guys don't give a shit about winning you just like the hockey player lifestyle you're
06:45posers so what do we gotta do you need to get in shape study the tape play with some intensity hold
06:53my spinner so basically what you're saying is we're at this level but we gotta get to this level
07:06done you're a beauty registered beautician
07:18what do you guys think of the program well uh just kidding i don't give a
07:23what's the fuck
07:28gutty yeah a little gutty
07:29it's a little gutty
07:37that's when she cut off her balls cut off her balls correct i think you mean cut off his balls
08:00incorrect oh no oh yes that is why you never give a sword to a hooker
08:08hey wayne how many planets are there with the whole pluto debate well give or take eight planets
08:19i'll only be seven after i destroy your penis buy a drink okay
08:26who's that who kyle schneid stiller's sister that who she is well that's kyle schneid stiller's
08:37little sister you know he's a decent dude if she's finer than frog hair you have an eye for
08:43the fertility boys she's been knocked up twice she's a one-shot sally also
08:49she dated boots for a little while before he went to jail
08:55guys ever hear anything about that guy fucking an ostrich no the ginger fucked an ostrich
09:05allegedly it would take more than one guy to fuck an ostrich we've heard that it was a sick
09:14ostrich well it would take two guys to fuck an ostrich three even again we're hearing it was a
09:23sick ostrich still it's a three-man job to fuck one but wait was that before or after he dated
09:33kyle schneid's to his sister well it's almost not worth thinking about
09:37oh have an eye she's sweet on you dairy is that what she is that's your next sweetie right there
09:46go talk to her what's your logic there do you see what she's doing with her hair that's called a hair
09:54show when a gal's sweet on a guy and she wants to get his attention she just starts fucking with her
09:59hair a whole bunch and what fur well it's so you notice more about the way they look like how her
10:05face is framed with her hair up or down and also make you think like
10:09well like wouldn't you want to touch it
10:14well yeah i think i would like to touch it well get after it but don't leave with a touch
10:22all right i will just not just yet maybe after a couple fair okay bro workout program go gotta
10:33start with burpees buddy just ripping burpee box jumps buddy 50 burpees 50 push-ups 50 burpees 50 push-ups
10:40stairs protein break just ripping skull crushers just ripping force reps force reps supersets bird up
10:47just ripping anti-gravity press just ripping advanced kettlebell windmill just ripping barbell hack
10:53squats just ripping drop sets just ripping swiss ball jackknights just ripping silly animal stack
10:59just ripping bent over rear delt raised with head on bench fucking delts to die for buddy just ripping
11:06cable rope overhead tricep extensions hashtag no excuses hashtag beach body legs
11:12hey tune legs let's skip like this that's the best ass wash your life right there boys
11:20good work shorty look at the hustle on shorty the best ass wash your life
11:26just got a perfect score on the ball and we're on i don't think i've ever seen that before
11:37remember what happened here today can't forget something like that
11:41seen angie in here with a new boyfriend again a couple of nights ago no who gives a care
11:45remember i told you he was in a 94 jeep yj with a wave deck on the side made an upgrade short trip
11:52pulled in here with a 2003 aquamarine audi wagon with a magenta fear this sticker on the back
11:58ain't no reason to get excited he came in here wearing a pair of fandango pink pastel khakis with a
12:04white gold leather chain fucking wallet and a creed t-shirt on remarkable i know
12:10he had a deep carrot orange fedora with a burnt orange stripe and a little cauliflower blue feather
12:17with a fucking i don't know looked like to be some kind of a black bearded tit mouse or some kind of
12:22shit you know there's a type of bird called a bush tit i did not it's a type chickadee it was also
12:29hot and then peeled purple blue mcmurray oh i'm just saying it must suck balls to lose to a fucking
12:34douchebag like that
12:35hi
12:38pretty doing all right at buck hunter
12:40instead give you a quick squeezer in the parking lot there eh
12:43could be worse
12:47good indeed
12:48head around here ladies
12:52the puppies are set
12:53christ i would snort her dandruff
13:02dandruff is a fungus i think he'd mean you'd sneeze for flakes
13:07and you are giving me far too much credit my boy
13:11oh oh
13:17looking some comely tonight there big fella
13:21you wanna know what gal
13:23i think you've got a case of the spring fever
13:26can i get you a drink
13:28okay
13:29you see that one
13:32she's like a middle eastern rebel army
13:35there's a political uprising in my pants
13:38well shoulders back here she comes
13:40excuse me boys
13:43she's sweet on you get after it
13:51you think so
13:52you see what she just did
13:53touched your back and then moved on
13:55it's called the unnecessary squeeze bite
13:58is that what it's called
13:59mm-hmm
14:00you notice she had about half a fucking soccer field to get past
14:04but instead leaned in close got a bit handsy like there was only a tiny lane to get by
14:08the unnecessary squeeze bite
14:12we'll talk to her
14:13let's fire back a couple of shots first
14:17well
14:17this is swiftly becoming a counterproductive practice but
14:21okay
14:23look at you
14:33look at you
14:37you're fucking catty posts out there about you're a hairy high slap buddy
14:40corey clap bombs thank you
14:43sniper
14:44snipe
14:45didn't your coach tell you to get in shape
14:48it's a cheat day
14:51we'll be ripping silly fly metrics right after this so they cancel each other out
14:55then it's arms
14:56just ripping concentration curls
14:58just ripping cross body hammer curls
15:00just ripping alternate dumbbell bicep curls
15:02just ripping line close grip bar curl and high pulley
15:05just ripping alternate one arm dumbbell preacher curls
15:08just ripping standing one arm bicep curl over inclined bench
15:11you're an idiot
15:14we're smoke bombing over to throw some weights around right now
15:18you wanna come
15:19okay
15:22ninja joss
15:25resistance training
15:33most of the atrophy
15:35take some snaps of a snipe
15:41yeah
15:43take some snaps for a facebook snipey
15:46take your shirts off
15:50what's up boys
15:52chat and tarp boys
15:53take any boys
15:58grab any boys
16:00those beta blockers really helped you up your explosive potential bro
16:09muscular endurance muscular strength bro
16:12really working those fast twitch muscle fibers buddy
16:15isokinetic exercise really tested lactic threshold buddy
16:19you're never gonna plateau with that overload principle buddy
16:22rate of perceived exertion
16:24you really hit your target heart rate with vigorous intensity
16:27thanks buddy
16:28so
16:31we got in shape and studied the tape
16:34you gonna come watch us play with intensity tomorrow
16:37yeah
16:41i could do that
16:42real snipe sally boys
16:45dangles fucking dangles boys
16:47ninja dust
16:49hi
16:59how are you now
17:15good
17:16good
17:16me
17:17not so bad
17:18um
17:20do you know where the washroom is
17:22sure
17:23just right back there
17:26okay
17:27thank you
17:28you're welcome
17:29and i'm jessica
17:35wayne
17:39i know
17:41now tell me you saw that
17:57what
17:58she's giving me the big eyes
18:01she's giving me the big eyes
18:01that she's doing
18:02the big eyes
18:04you know when a gal's sweet on a dude and she's shorter than him
18:07instead of tilting her neck up to look at him
18:10she'll just keep her head straight and look up with her eyes
18:13like puppy dog eyes
18:15it's like
18:15do you know where the washroom is
18:18versus
18:19do you know where the washroom is
18:23okay
18:25yeah
18:26big eyes
18:29when she's still giving me the big eyes
18:48well
19:06you don't have to tell me twice
19:08it's about time when i showed some finish
19:15she's so hot i'd check off her dad just to see where she came from
19:21who jive and pete
19:22no
19:23that's your dad
19:25jive and pete
19:27jive and pete
19:28yeah
19:29he got his nuts all bunged up after a donkey kicked him
19:33ruptured the hiker seal
19:35one of them swole up to look like a ripe avocado
19:38other one looks like a peach pit
19:42i'll get him to show it to you
19:43he'll show just about anybody when he's drunk
19:46either way
19:46holy hugh it's more cauliflowered than a ufc fighter's ear
20:05nice
20:19nice
20:21nice
20:33I love the hustle.
20:36Love the hustle.
20:37Look at that hustle, eh?
20:39Jesus shit.
20:41Who brought the fucking rocket, boys?
20:43Holy fuck, boys.
20:44Whose billet sister's a fucking rocket?
20:47She is a fucking rocket.
20:48I got a fucking rocket in my pants for a...
20:51Hey, dibs on digies, boys.
20:53I already dibs digies, buddy.
20:54No, I dibs during warm-up.
20:56You were throwing sauce at the blue line.
20:58I was dibs and digies.
20:59Who the fuck did dibs them to?
21:00A dibs is a dibs is a dibs, buddy.
21:02Who gives a shit?
21:03If a dibs falls in the forest and there's no one around it here,
21:06is it still a dibs?
21:07Well, fuck yeah, buddy.
21:09Fuck no, buddy.
21:10Oh, give your balls a tug, you titfucker.
21:12Wake up, you fucking bastard.
21:14Go, go, go, go, go.
21:15Wake up, you mutants.
21:34We're missing out on all the girls that do not want to have sex with you.
21:38Awfully pedestrian effort from our boys tonight, Katie.
21:43No discount on bar cabs tonight, Chester and Charlie.
21:48What was your problem, Big Shoots?
21:50You did all right.
21:52Didn't you, Wayne?
21:53Spent some time in the bathroom with a hot little spinner with such a butt on her?
21:58Took one look at it and thought,
21:59Jesus Christ, woman, you shit with that ass?
22:04I'm not a boy.
22:08Boys.
22:10Sniper.
22:11Snipe.
22:12Gotta say, I had a fucking hoot at the game.
22:16Two fights?
22:17Hockey players have the nicest asses.
22:20Okay, we don't want you coming anymore.
22:25Too distracting for the boys.
22:27For the...
22:28For the...
22:28What?
22:29I...
22:32It's too distracting?
22:35For the boys.
22:37Yeah, no, I heard you.
22:40I heard you say that I'm a distraction.
22:43Okay?
22:45Well, guess I'll have to find one of your teammates to dip my digits.
22:50But we did those digies!
23:01Did a decent job with these digens tonight.
23:05Thank you, Gail.
23:07Said decent.
23:09Forgot the most important thing.
23:11Don't get so drunk you couldn't use it even if you had the option.
23:16Mm-hmm.
23:16Tell you what, and I'll only tell you once.
23:21You got the pick of the litter around here, so you may as well get picking.
23:30Got this 50 bucks and no one to claim it.
23:33Would say we put it in your jeans and see what else is hanging around in there while we're at it.
23:39No.
23:39Like, what's in your jeans, big fella?
23:43Nothing.
23:43I mean it, Cripes.
23:45I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.
23:50Okay.
23:51You want to do 68?
23:54I'll help you clean up.
23:55You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
23:59Where's that rag?
24:00There it is.
24:02Wake up, big shoots and really big shoots.
24:05More hands make less work.
24:07Call me cake.
24:08They'll go straight to your ass, cowboy.
24:16There's cake?
24:19No.
24:20I won't call.
24:33I don't care if I'm a girl.
24:45That's it.
24:46That's it.
24:47That's it.
24:47That's it.
24:50That's it.
24:58That's it.
25:00That's it.
Be the first to comment