- 9 months ago
Frasier Season 2 Episode 12 Roz In The Doghou Se
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Um, you see, Dr. Crane, there's this man I'd like to go out with, but he's 40 years old and he's never been married.
00:11Do you think that means something?
00:13Well, it could mean he has a fear of commitment, or it could mean he's just been lucky.
00:22Marie, that was a joke.
00:25Did I mention I'm calling from a payphone?
00:28All right, Marie.
00:32I would say give him a shot, but I'd keep that caution barb lit.
00:37Thank you for your call, Marie.
00:39Who's next, Ross?
00:41If you ask me, it's divorced people you have to watch out for.
00:44If someone's never been married, it might just mean they're a careful shopper.
00:48Whereas your divorcee will bite into any old piece of fruit without even giving it a squeeze first.
00:53The preceding was an unbiased opinion from my never-been-married producer, Ross, who incidentally has squeezed more fruit than Tropicana.
01:05May we take another call, please?
01:12We could, but it's time for a station break.
01:14Oh.
01:15Oh, well, then we'll be right back after this.
01:21Ross, didn't we just take a break?
01:22The lot was full this morning.
01:24I had to park in a meter.
01:25I'll be right back.
01:26All right, fine, just hurry.
01:27Do I have a headphone here?
01:29Well, I may have to flirt my way out of a parking ticket.
01:31Oh, just go!
01:32Okay, okay.
01:33Wow!
01:35Are you all right?
01:38I got the wind knocked out of me, but I guess I'm okay.
01:41Oh, ow, my ankle!
01:44Here, Ross, does this hurt?
01:46Ah!
01:48There's no nerve damage at least.
01:50It's too old to have an extra.
01:51Yes, yes.
01:52Oh, Fraser, Fraser, the show.
01:54No, that's all right, Ross.
01:55I'll get someone to fill it in.
01:56No, I mean right now you've got dead air.
01:58Oh, God!
01:58Oh!
02:02Take the shoe off.
02:03Oh, dear.
02:07What is it?
02:08I see it's been a while since our last pedicure.
02:21Who is it?
02:22It's Fraser.
02:23It's open.
02:25Hi, Ross.
02:28How are things at the emergency room?
02:31Frustrating.
02:32You know how it is.
02:34You're sitting there in complete agony, and every crybaby with a gunshot wound waltzes right in ahead of you.
02:40How was it after I left?
02:44Well, it's okay.
02:44Weird Bruce from engineering took over for you.
02:48It's quite a boot collection.
02:50Wouldn't it be easier just to put notches in your bedpost?
02:52Those are mine.
02:53Those are mine.
02:56You hate the way I've decorated, don't you?
02:59No, no.
03:01Matter of fact, I admire your courage.
03:08Is that for me?
03:09Oh, yes.
03:10Freud said that there are only two things we need to make us happy.
03:14Work and love.
03:15Oh, thanks, Fraser.
03:18Say you brought me work.
03:21Well, I thought answering some of the fan mail that would have been piling up would give you something to do.
03:28And remember, this time death threats don't get photos.
03:30Who is it?
03:36It's Bulldog.
03:38Shh, pretend we're not here.
03:40Roz, you just said, who is it?
03:48Hey, Doc.
03:49Hey, Don.
03:50Hey, Roz.
03:51Wow, the whole place is a bedroom.
03:58What are you doing here?
04:00Well, I kind of feel responsible for you being on the disabled list, so I brought you some deli.
04:05Nothing says I'm sorry like fatty meat.
04:10You got your pastrami, coleslaw.
04:15Okay, where's the french fries?
04:17I ordered french fries.
04:19This stinks!
04:20This is totally yes!
04:21Hey, Bermoy is gonna...
04:23Oh, here they are.
04:23I think he does it all without steroids.
04:32You want me to stick these in the oven?
04:34Actually, I'm not really very hungry.
04:36Ah.
04:37And I guess you're not thirsty either.
04:39Glasses are on the top shelf.
04:42None for me, Bulldog.
04:43I'm off to the opera.
04:44You can't leave.
04:46Hey, no ice cubes!
04:48Just chip whatever you can off the edge of the freezer.
04:52If you leave me, he'll hit on me.
04:55Roz, with a sprained ankle?
04:57You know what it's like in the jungle.
04:58They always go after the sick in the lane.
05:03Roz, I'd like to stay, but I'm meeting people at the opera.
05:06I've got the tickets.
05:07Here we go.
05:08Well, I'll get you more ice in a minute when the feeling in my forehead comes back.
05:15Well, curtain going up.
05:18Listen, Roz, if you need anything, feel free to call me absolutely any time.
05:22Well, except for the next three hours, of course.
05:24I'm at the opera.
05:25Oh, no, no, no, four hours.
05:27It's Fogner.
05:30Oh, then I've got a late supper, and then right to bed, I've got an early squash game.
05:35Tell you what, let's just say, call me absolutely any time after four tomorrow.
05:38afternoon.
05:43Hey, this is nice, you and me having a drink together.
05:50Yeah, it's been fun.
05:52Bye.
05:54How come you only painted two toenails?
05:57Because it hurts too much when I reach.
06:00Oh, you want me to finish them for you?
06:02Oh, no, please, it's okay.
06:04Hey, it's a nice color.
06:05Those were the bruises.
06:06Bulldog, I mean it.
06:09Stop it.
06:09Hey, you got nice feet.
06:13Really?
06:14You don't think they're too big?
06:16You kidding?
06:17I could get this whole thing in my mouth easy.
06:28You know, it's really nice of you to do all this for me.
06:31It's kind of surreal, but nice.
06:35Well, I figure if I'm nice to you, maybe you'll be nice to me.
06:40I knew it.
06:42I knew it.
06:43You come over here acting all sympathetic, but you're still the same old horny, low-class slimeball you've always been.
06:50Hey, before you say something that ends up offending me.
06:56Look, all I wanted to ask you is if you'd be interested in producing my show.
07:02What?
07:05Yeah, I'm not real crazy about the guy I got now, and let's face it, you're the best producer there is.
07:10You really think I'm the best?
07:12Hey, that goes without saying.
07:14Well, Frazier goes without saying it every day.
07:17Well, you don't have to answer right now.
07:19Just take your time and think about it.
07:23But I got to warn you, when I set my mind on something, I get it.
07:28I once wanted to interview George Foreman.
07:31He said no, but I got him.
07:35I had to paint his toenails four times, but I got him.
07:42You've been wrapping your bandage too tight.
07:45You've got to keep the blood flowing to the injured ligaments.
07:49Daphne, that feels great.
07:52Whatever Frazier's paying you, it's not enough.
07:55Actually, I've made a raise to get me to not enough.
08:01Hey, Roz.
08:02Hey, Martin.
08:03What's going on?
08:04Oh, Roz bought me some new shoes.
08:07Oh, yes, look.
08:10They have tassels.
08:11Aren't they exquisite?
08:15Those shoes were individually handmade by an artisan toiling in a hilltop village above Florence.
08:22The man is a hero there.
08:26It's an event when he completes a pair of shoes.
08:29They ring the cathedral bell and the whole town celebrates.
08:33There's a town that needs a bowling alley.
08:41Evening.
08:42Oh, hello.
08:43Hey, Frazier.
08:44Oh, Roz.
08:45Roz, did you hear the show today?
08:47I was at the top of my form.
08:49I did a brilliant job of cutting a narcissist down to size.
08:53Oh, thank you, Niles.
08:58So, oh, Dad.
09:00No shoes?
09:01Do I hear cathedral bells?
09:07Ring-a-ding-ding.
09:11Oh, Roz, I also wanted to apologize for leaving you last night.
09:15I hope you didn't spend the whole evening fending off Bulldog's advances.
09:19Oh, no.
09:20Bulldog's not so bad.
09:21Actually, we had a good time.
09:24Oh?
09:28What?
09:29Oh?
09:30Well, I couldn't help noticing he came into work this morning wearing the same clothes he had on yesterday.
09:38Oh?
09:41What's going on?
09:43Roz slept with Bulldog last night.
09:48I did not.
09:49How could you think that?
09:52Well, I mean, dropping by, bringing a little gift.
09:55It was obvious he was after something.
09:57Well, that's not fair.
09:59Dr. Crane is always dropping by and bringing me little gifts, and he's not after anything.
10:04I did not sleep with Bulldog.
10:18I did not sleep with Bulldog.
10:21He didn't even hit on me.
10:23He did want something, though.
10:25He wanted me to leave you and come be his new producer.
10:27Oh, well, I wonder why he said that.
10:37Because he really wants me.
10:39Yes, well, I think that goes without saying.
10:43For his show.
10:45Oh, Ross.
10:46Bulldog knows the blunt approach won't work with you, so he's being more subtle.
10:50But his ultimate goal remains to, well, to...
10:54To what?
10:55To play Aeneas to your Dido.
11:04Sorry you had to hear that, Daphne.
11:06Oh, that's all right.
11:10As usual, having the foggiest idea what you're talking about.
11:17You know, this is so insulting.
11:20You think Bulldog wants me to come work for him because he wants to get me into his bed?
11:24It doesn't even occur to you that he thinks I'm a good producer.
11:27Ross, don't you think you're being just a tad naive?
11:31I'll tell you what naive is.
11:32Naive is someone who thinks he can stand there and talk to me like that without getting a crutch up his butt.
11:39Ross, I can see how he's manipulating you.
11:42I'm an expert in human behavior.
11:43Oh, really?
11:44Excuse me.
11:45I've heard your expert advice.
11:48The only mental disorder you've ever cured is insomnia.
11:56Well, I'm surprised you had time to listen.
11:59What would be so busy with your ultra-demanding producer tasks, answering phones and pushing buttons?
12:05My God, a cockatoo with a strong beak could do what you do.
12:12Then hire one.
12:14Because I'm taking the job with Bulldog.
12:17That's it.
12:18I am out of here.
12:20Take a picture, because I'm out of your life.
12:34You have seen the last of me.
12:40Sayonara!
12:41Sayonara!
12:44Oh, damn, my purse.
12:46Well, Bruce, I see we are loaded with callers here.
12:56What line is next?
12:59What's your favorite number?
13:03Three.
13:09Damn.
13:12What's your other favorite number?
13:14Why don't you just let me handle this?
13:19Hello, you're on the line with Frasier Crane.
13:22I'm listening.
13:24Hi, Dr. Crane.
13:26My name is Francesca, and I'm calling about my boyfriend.
13:29Well, he says he loves me, but I just can't get over this fear that I'm going to come home one day,
13:35and he's not going to be there.
13:38I don't know.
13:39It probably stems from my childhood when my father left us.
13:43Oh, Francesca, you are suffering from a fear of abandonment, but trust me, I'm here for you.
13:51Thank you, Dr. Crane.
13:53I'm always so afraid that people I can't and will just disappear, and I'll be left with...
13:59Sorry.
14:06Francesca, please, um, we had a little technical glitch there, but we were almost out of time.
14:17Anyway, please, if you'll call in tomorrow, I'll make sure you're the first order of business.
14:22Please call.
14:24Well, we're just about wrapped up here, folks.
14:27I'll see you tomorrow, Seattle.
14:29Good show, Dr. Crane.
14:44You think so, Bruce?
14:46Yeah.
14:47Well, call me old-fashioned.
14:50But when my show starts out with a screeching noise that could shatter crystal, then moves
14:53on to an open mic while I'm eating a bag of potato chips, then disconnects two manic depressives
14:58and a woman with a fear of abandonment, I don't think it's a show we should be mailing off to
15:03the Smithsonian.
15:06Don't worry, man.
15:07You'll do better tomorrow.
15:14Okay, it's going to be a great show, Roz.
15:16I can feel it.
15:17Yeah, I'm psyched.
15:18You've got about a minute to showtime.
15:21Hello, Roz.
15:22Hello, Fraser.
15:23Hey, Doc.
15:24Long week, no see.
15:26Hope you haven't been avoiding me because I stole your check.
15:29Oh, Bruce and I are getting along splendidly.
15:32Yeah, I heard Bruce.
15:34What happened?
15:34The cockatoo want too much money?
15:37Bye, Roz.
15:42So long, Fraser.
15:45Oh, a moment, Fraser, please.
15:48I'm sure word has reached your ear already about the Frutti de Mare party I'm throwing
15:53to celebrate our fair city's great bounty from the sea.
15:57Yes, yes, I'd love to come.
15:58Well, aye, there's the rub.
16:00You see, I've already invited Roz.
16:02With this rift between you two, well, the tension in the air will be thicker than my
16:06Cacepino.
16:09Now, Gil, I'm sure that rift will soon be over.
16:12Before long, Bulldog will prove that all he's wanted all along was just to get his hands
16:16on Roz.
16:17Oh, in fact, that moment may have arrived.
16:20Look, she's bending over.
16:21Turn around, Bulldog.
16:23Oh, yes.
16:25Isn't that what golfers refer to as teeing it up?
16:28All right, he moves in.
16:32And he helps pick up the papers.
16:36Oh, I'm so sorry, Fraser.
16:39I, too, entertain hopes for low comedy.
16:44Attention, sports fail.
16:46You're back in the doghouse with Bulldog Briscoe.
16:50Hur, hur, meow.
16:53Let's talk football.
16:55Sunday's locked.
16:56Broncos over the Raiders.
16:57Easy money, huh, Roz?
16:58Yeah, right.
16:59Men just want to cuddle.
17:01L.A. humiliated Denver last month.
17:04Well, hey, do I tell you how to cook and clean?
17:07Denver's due.
17:08It's a complete no-brainer.
17:09Well, then it's right up your alley.
17:11You know, I'm no sports fan,
17:20but they really are quite delicious together.
17:23Yes, well, enjoy it while you can.
17:25Bulldog can't keep his libido in check forever.
17:27Well, of course you're right,
17:28and then Roz will come crawling back to you.
17:31Yes.
17:32In the meantime, I have to find someone halfway competent
17:34to produce my show.
17:36How hard could that be?
17:37They call me Mr. Pitbull.
17:41Baby, that's my name.
17:44They call me Mr. Pitbull.
17:48That's how I got my friend.
17:52But nobody sees to understand now
17:55what makes a man feel so blue.
17:59Oh, they call me Mr. Pitbull.
18:02Because I love someone just like you.
18:05They call me Mr. Pitbull.
18:09Yes, everybody does now.
18:13They call me Mr. Pitbull.
18:17Most every place I go now.
18:20But nobody sees to understand now.
18:23You think you had a bad week?
18:29This morning, Maris and I woke to the sound
18:31of our gardener, Yoshi,
18:33hacking his way through our prized topiary.
18:36Well, Maris, I've never understood
18:36why you wanted your head just to be sculpted
18:38into the shapes of animals.
18:40Well, we're both animal lovers,
18:41but Maris is unable to have pets.
18:44She distrusts anything that loves her unconditionally.
18:58Anyway, there was Yoshi,
19:01drunk as a lord,
19:03swinging his hedge trimmer
19:04recklessly over his head.
19:06Before we could calm him,
19:07he had transformed Maris' prize stallion
19:10into some sort of obscene goat boy.
19:14Poor woman is inconsolable.
19:24Oh, thank you, Maris.
19:26You've got a great deal of help.
19:28There are worse things
19:29than seeing one's career
19:30go down the toilet.
19:33I could have my hedges
19:34cut into unattractive shapes.
19:39It's always about you, isn't it?
19:41Well, I'm sorry,
19:44but I'm just the slightest bit panicky
19:46that I'm never going to get Roz back.
19:48He's been waiting for weeks
19:49for Bulldog to make his move,
19:50and against all natural laws,
19:52he hasn't.
19:53Come along.
19:55Oh, hello.
19:56I thought we might run into you, too, dear.
19:59Yeah, Daphne and I
20:00have been out buying shoes.
20:02Oh, not that I don't appreciate
20:04the ones that you bought me,
20:05but I thought I'd save those
20:07for special occasions
20:08when only tassels will do.
20:12But, hey,
20:13get a load of these.
20:15They light up when I walk away.
20:17Doesn't everyone?
20:26Well, I see Mr. Congeniality here
20:28is still spreading sunshine
20:29wherever he goes.
20:31Apparently things didn't go very well
20:32on his show today.
20:33Oh, really?
20:35Why do you know
20:36these things go in cycles?
20:38I mean, take Bulldog's show.
20:40He's just had one great show
20:42after another lately.
20:43Hmm.
20:46What could be your point, Daphne?
20:48I'm having trouble
20:49reading between the lines.
20:50If you weren't so damn stubborn
20:52you'd apologize to Roz,
20:54get her back on the show,
20:55and everybody would be happy.
20:56As usual,
20:57you're overlooking
20:58a key psychological component
20:59in this whole issue.
21:01You'd have to admit
21:01you were wrong.
21:02Exactly.
21:06I don't see what's so hard
21:09about telling Roz
21:10you were wrong.
21:10You don't understand.
21:11You see, it's not the same
21:12as dad being wrong
21:14or you're being wrong.
21:16I have a degree from Harvard.
21:17Whenever I'm wrong,
21:18the world makes
21:19a little less sense.
21:29Frankly,
21:29I don't understand
21:30why you want her back at all.
21:32She's pushy
21:32and opinionated.
21:33Now, don't you think
21:34you're being just
21:35the slightest bit sexist?
21:37What's labeled pushy
21:38in a woman
21:38is called assertiveness
21:40in a man.
21:41Gone are the days
21:42when women
21:42were shunted aside
21:43to bat their eyelashes
21:45prettily
21:45and say nothing.
21:46I quite agree.
21:47Oh, definitely, please.
21:48I can handle this.
21:50Well, we've certainly
21:52handled it well enough
21:53so far.
21:54If you ask me,
21:55it's time you get off
21:56your high horse,
21:57buy Roz some flowers
21:58and beg her forgiveness.
22:00And don't be afraid
22:01to get your knees
22:01a little dusty.
22:03Oh, I'm sorry.
22:04I'm just not quite ready
22:05to swallow my pride.
22:07Next time,
22:10wake me when
22:11this show's over.
22:23All right,
22:23Wednesday,
22:24we got the NFL picks.
22:26Then,
22:26at the end of the show,
22:27we do the boner of the week.
22:29No,
22:29can't do that.
22:30This is why I hate you.
22:32You are always trying
22:33to change my tried
22:34and true format.
22:35Okay,
22:35why can't we do it?
22:37Because I got you
22:38an interview
22:38with Wayne Gretzky.
22:40See,
22:40Wayne...
22:42Wayne Gretzky?
22:43Mm-hmm.
22:44Wayne Gretzky!
22:45This is awesome!
22:47This is total brilliance!
22:48This is...
22:49a pinched nerve!
22:50Ah!
22:52Ah!
22:53Ah!
22:54It's an old football injury.
22:56I got my head
22:56rammed into a locker
22:57when I tried
22:58to interview Mike Ditka.
22:59Ah!
23:00Mayor Earl,
23:01let me help you
23:02with that.
23:03Ah!
23:03This is great!
23:06I can't believe it!
23:07Wayne Gretzky,
23:08the great one!
23:11Ah!
23:12Roz,
23:13you are the great one.
23:15You are some kind
23:16of producer.
23:18Thanks.
23:19I'm having a great time.
23:22I owe you, bulldog.
23:24I owe you big.
23:25I owe you big.
23:26No, I never would have
23:36thought this
23:36a couple of weeks ago,
23:38but you and I
23:38have great chemistry
23:39together, don't we?
23:41Uh-huh.
23:41I like chemistry.
23:43I flunked it,
23:44but I like it.
23:47You got any of that, uh,
23:50wild turkey left?
23:52Yeah, sure.
23:53You know,
23:56I gotta be honest
23:57with you, bulldog.
23:58When we first started
23:59working together,
24:00I never thought
24:01it would turn out
24:01like this.
24:03Did you?
24:04All along.
24:13Hey, uh,
24:14Roz!
24:17You, uh,
24:18better make mine, uh,
24:19a double.
24:21I'm a double
24:22kind of guy.
24:23Nuh-uh.
24:25You're only gonna
24:25get a little.
24:26There's a lot
24:27I wanna do tonight,
24:28and I want you
24:29to keep up with me.
24:31Yeah, well, uh,
24:32all I ask is
24:34you give me
24:35a couple of
24:3520-minute breaks.
24:42What's that?
24:43I, uh,
24:44I thought a little
24:45music might be, uh,
24:47might be nice.
24:49Can you concentrate
24:51with that on?
24:52Oh, yeah, yeah.
24:54Actually, uh,
24:56I find, uh,
24:58the distraction
24:59helps me.
25:04Nah, second date.
25:05Don't be pushy.
25:08This is great, Roz.
25:10Hey, guys.
25:11Us working like this?
25:14Hey, uh,
25:15did you and the doc
25:16ever end up
25:17working...
25:18What?
25:21Did you and the doc
25:22ever, uh,
25:23end up working like this?
25:24Oh, yeah.
25:25We tried it once,
25:26but he complained
25:27I talked too much.
25:29Oh, yeah?
25:30I would have figured
25:30you for a screamer.
25:35Ah!
25:37What the hell?
25:38What are you doing
25:39in my bed?
25:40Get out!
25:41Get out!
25:42I asked you
25:43over here
25:43to work
25:44you disgusting
25:45worker!
25:46Hey, hey, hey!
25:47You're gonna have
25:47to slow down.
25:49I'm getting
25:50some mixed signals
25:50here.
25:54What?
25:57What are you doing?
25:58Is this
25:59clearing up
26:00for you?
26:00Hey, are you crazy?
26:02My wallet's in there!
26:03Get out!
26:04Now!
26:06Get out of my way, doc.
26:08I'm listening.
26:16Hey, baby, I hear the blues
26:28are calling
26:29tossed salads
26:30and scrambled eggs.
26:33Quite stylish.
26:34And maybe I seem
26:36a bit confused.
26:38Yeah, maybe.
26:39But I got you pegged.
26:41Ha!
26:42Ha!
26:42Ha!
26:42Ha!
26:43Ha!
26:43But I don't know
26:45what to do
26:46with those tossed salads
26:47and scrambled eggs.
26:52They're calling again.
26:55Scrambled eggs
26:56all over my face.
26:58What is a boy
27:00to do?
27:03Thank you!
27:04What is a boy
27:06who is a boy
27:06who is a boy
27:07who is a boy
27:08who is a boy
27:09who is a boy
27:09who is a boy
27:10who is a boy
27:10who is a boy
27:11who is a boy
27:11who is a boy
27:12who is a boy
27:12who is a boy
27:12who is a boy
27:13who is a boy
27:14who is a boy
27:14who is a boy
27:15who is a boy
27:15who is a boy
27:16who is a boy
27:16who is a boy
27:17who is a boy
27:17who is a boy
27:18who is a boy
27:19who is a boy
27:19who is a boy
27:20who is a boy
27:21who is a boy
27:22who is a boy
27:23who is a boy
27:24who is a boy
27:25who is a boy
27:26who is a boy
27:27who is a boy
27:28who is a boy
27:29who is a boy
27:30who is a boy
Comments