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00:00Good evening, everybody, and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:04On tonight's show, hit me, baby, one more time, Wayne Brady,
00:08I was born to make you happy, Jeff Davis, oops, I did it again,
00:12Colin Mochrie, and, hey, are those things real?
00:15Brian Stiles!
00:17Hey, I'm your host, Suquera. Come on down, let's have some fun.
00:25Oh, hello. Thank you very much.
00:28Thank you. Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:31The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:33That's right, the points are like our border with Mexico.
00:37We're going to listen to me yapping all night.
00:39Let's get the show started with a game called Weird Newscasters.
00:42Is this for all four of you?
00:46Colin is going to be the anchor of a news show,
00:49just as bad as the anchor of your local news show wherever you live.
00:52The co-anchor is Jeff. Jeff, you're a horse race announcer.
00:56Sportscaster is Wayne. Wayne?
00:58Yeah, yeah.
00:59You're a Jamaican love god.
01:02I'm reporting live from a bedroom where he's on a hot date.
01:06Hi, Mom.
01:06Yeah, give him, yeah, give him somebody their groove back.
01:10And, uh...
01:11What are you?
01:14Sorry, did you drop your groove? I think I found...
01:15Uh, Ryan is the weatherman.
01:17Ryan, you know your wife is at home cheating on you,
01:20and you're not going to take it anymore.
01:22So, Colin, whenever you hear the music,
01:25go ahead and start the news.
01:31Welcome to the 6 o'clock news.
01:33I'm your anchor, Wes Filling-More Taste.
01:37Our top story today.
01:40After a disappointing summer,
01:42Humpty Dumpty has a great fall.
01:45And now, over to our co-anchor,
01:47Manny Girl.
01:49Manny.
01:49Thank you, Wes,
01:51and welcome to continuing coverage
01:52of the Los Angeles riots downtown.
01:55We've got a lot of cops lining up at the gate right now
01:57and a lot of protesters.
01:58In top seat, it's the policeman
02:00most likely to beat you.
02:02Most likely to beat you is coming in at 10 to 1.
02:04And right across the gate from him
02:06is I Just Want My Freedom, Darn You.
02:10And they're off.
02:11Most likely to beat you starts off by pounding
02:13while I just want my freedom, Darn You,
02:15in the face.
02:15Oh, it's a neck and neck race.
02:16They're running now.
02:17They're running downtown Los Angeles.
02:19And, oh, he's beating them in the first leg.
02:21It's on the first leg.
02:22He's beating them.
02:22He's beating them in the first leg.
02:24They're neck and neck.
02:25They're beating each other's necks.
02:27We'll come back as we have more.
02:29Thank you very much, Manny.
02:33Very exciting out here, Wes.
02:34Very exciting indeed.
02:36And why don't we go over to sports now
02:37with Regé Jackson.
02:39Regé.
02:42Hello, man.
02:45It's good to see you come back here,
02:46around the girl, me see a long time.
02:49Me want to tell you a little something
02:51about the sports, but before me tell you
02:52about the baseball and the football,
02:54I'll tell you about my favorite sport of all.
03:00Oh, it's not baseball, but me use a bat.
03:05It's the sport I'm making love.
03:07And I only make love to the most beautiful women
03:09in the world, like this woman right here.
03:16Do you know what they call me girl?
03:18They call me Regé Jackson.
03:20No, girl, you can't leave.
03:22Man, you can't leave.
03:24Listen, baby.
03:26I'm a Jamaican sex girl.
03:28Look back.
03:29Look up.
03:30How you like that?
03:32Oh, yes, man.
03:34Oh, come now.
03:35Wait, baby.
03:37Wait, baby.
03:39Wait, baby.
03:40Don't leave me.
03:43Come, look.
03:43Me gonna walk you down here.
03:46I'm gonna let you all get back to the sports,
03:48but before you go,
03:49I just want you to see
03:50the kiss that I will plant on this lovely woman.
03:54Come, baby.
03:58I'm gonna let you all get back to the sports,
04:00but before you go,
04:00I just want you to see the kiss that I will plant on this lovely woman.
04:05This just in.
04:19Looks really don't matter.
04:21And now,
04:23why don't we see what's happening with weather
04:27with Lamont de Sur la Table.
04:29Lamont.
04:30Thank you very much.
04:31Well, as you can see,
04:37we've got rain moving in over the weekend,
04:39especially over the Sherman Oaks area,
04:40which is where I live.
04:42So, honey, if you're home,
04:43you might want to put on your clothes,
04:44kick him out,
04:45and head for cover,
04:45if you know what I'm saying.
04:48Oh, that's right.
04:49Yeah, I know what's going on.
04:51It better not be that Jamaican guy again.
04:52That's all I'm gonna say.
04:54Yeah.
04:54What do you think I'm stupid just because I'm a weatherman?
04:59Is that what you think?
05:00Well,
05:00I've got some news for you.
05:02Come up here right now.
05:04Yeah.
05:07Uh-huh.
05:08That's what I'm saying.
05:10I found someone, too.
05:12Mm-hmm.
05:14That's right.
05:15And he's a Marine.
05:20They're looking for a few good men,
05:33and this boy found his.
05:34You know what I'm saying?
05:40Well, that was this 6 o'clock news.
05:42Please join us tomorrow for more news, more news.
05:45Good night.
05:46I like to give 10,000 points
05:58and a hoorah to our little guy
06:00in the green shirt there.
06:02Keep those points you're gonna need
06:03when the guys in boot camp get ahold of this tape.
06:07Why isn't he smiling, dude?
06:13I like the desk little thing you did, too.
06:15It may be working out.
06:17He's married, ladies.
06:19Sorry.
06:21They're all married.
06:21Even Colin's married.
06:23Oh.
06:25Jeff Davis is single, single, single.
06:27He wants everybody to know.
06:27Let's go on to a game called, uh,
06:29Scenes from a Hat.
06:30We're gonna move on to Scenes from a Hat.
06:32This is for all four of you.
06:33Jeff and Wayne, Randy and Colin,
06:35what are your positions?
06:36What happened is, before the show,
06:37we asked the audience to write down
06:38different suggestions of things,
06:39and one of them is, uh,
06:40scenes they'd like to see,
06:41and we wrote them all,
06:42the good ones down anyway.
06:43We get a lot of crappy ones.
06:44We wrote the good ones down on the hat,
06:45and we'll see how many the performers
06:46can act out for us.
06:47Uh, starting with,
06:49if famous movie lines included product plugs.
06:54Frankly, my dear,
06:55I don't give a spam.
07:02Miss Scarlett,
07:03I'll do nothing about
07:04birthing those cabbage patch babies.
07:05I'll be back to Burger King.
07:17Elliot, dial 1-800-310-121.
07:21It's cheaper rates.
07:27Rosebud,
07:28the last word in sleds.
07:29Uh, what cows are thinking
07:38when being milked?
07:44I can't believe
07:45they're gonna drink that crap.
07:52That's right.
07:53That's right.
07:54No slower.
07:54First time this guy's seen a bull.
08:09Okay?
08:11If you celebrated mundane events
08:13as if you scored a touchdown,
08:15it's a boy!
08:16Yeah!
08:17Yeah!
08:17Entries in Drew Carey's diary.
08:35Dear diary,
08:37Ryan looked at me again today.
08:41How I wish I was sitting on his lap
08:43and not...
08:43Dear diary,
08:49when will people find out
08:51that I'm not a man?
08:56All right, moving right along.
08:59What our audience is thinking right now.
09:04I wonder if that's all true.
09:05True.
09:05Unusual uses for your cat.
09:15Thank you very much.
09:41We'll go Who Finds It Anyway.
09:42We'll answer this.
09:45Hey, welcome back to Who Finds It Anyway, the show where everything's made up, and honestly,
09:57the points don't matter.
09:58Hey, you know what's great about dating a plus-size model?
10:00When you tell her that dress makes you look fat, it's a compliment.
10:05Now let's welcome to a game called Party Quirks.
10:07This is for Jeff.
10:07You're going to be hosting a party, and then Wayne, Colin, and Ryan are going to be your
10:10guests.
10:11We'll each give them a strange, quicker identity.
10:12It's on these cards here.
10:13Jeff, why don't you come forward here to the center and start the party.
10:16You guys line up over there.
10:16I'll bring you one at a time with a doorbell, whenever you're ready.
10:19All right.
10:20I got everything for the party.
10:21I got the beer.
10:22I got the food.
10:23I got the baby oil.
10:24Let's start this thing.
10:28All right, brother.
10:29Yes.
10:30Yeah.
10:33It's good to have you here, man.
10:34Oh, I didn't expect to see you.
10:49Yeah, man.
11:00Let it go.
11:01Let your hair down, man.
11:02We're here to party and relax.
11:03You guys seem to be getting along just fine.
11:15I want to see who's at the door.
11:16Hey, let me get you something to drink, man.
11:39You look a little tense, man.
11:40What'd you like, a beer?
11:41Hey, man, I want you to stay away from this guy.
11:52He's a wrestler who's getting his cred beat out of him.
11:54Yes.
11:55Everyone's about to be in the bathroom.
11:59Hey.
12:01Why don't you come on inside, try to relax.
12:02I got a really sexy woman taking a shower over here.
12:05Kind of.
12:06Kind of.
12:06She's...
12:07I mean, you are taking a shower.
12:11You seem to just be doing a striptease nude modeling shoot.
12:15Kind of for...
12:16For...
12:17For Playboy magazine.
12:22Oh, dude.
12:24We scared her off, man.
12:26We scared her off.
12:27I know...
12:27I know how hard it is to be an animal on ice.
12:29It's pretty scary.
12:32Perfect.
12:37By the way, I know a lot of the folks over at Playboy magazine.
12:39They're really nice.
12:40Yeah.
12:40They're like, uh...
12:41They're like Naked Family to me.
12:44That's what a game called.
12:46Greatest Hits.
12:47This is for everybody with the help of Laura Hall and Piano.
12:49Linda Taylor on the song.
12:54What we're going to do is...
12:55Colin and Ryan are going to be a TV commercial pitchman
12:57talking about the latest compilation album.
12:59And they're going to make up names of songs
13:01and give styles of music.
13:02And Wayne and Jeff are going to try to sing those songs
13:04that these guys make up for them.
13:05What I need from the audience is a suggestion
13:07of what you wanted to be when you grew up.
13:11Taxi Driver.
13:12Good.
13:13Taxi Driver.
13:14That was a good one.
13:15The album is Songs of the Taxi Driver.
13:19Songs of the Taxi Driver.
13:19Hi.
13:21We'll be right back to Rin-Tun-Tun,
13:23the dog that ate too much, in just a second.
13:26Taxi!
13:27Taxi!
13:27Hey, Ryan, what are you doing?
13:29I can't seem to get a cab, Colin.
13:31Well, maybe that's because we're in a studio.
13:33Oh.
13:33Oh, well, we've come up with over 450 songs
13:39that relate music and the taxi driver.
13:43You know, I don't know if you know this, Ryan.
13:45Sorry, didn't mean to scare you
13:47because you're a big homophobe.
13:49You know...
13:50You know, I grew up in the disco era,
13:55and one of my favorite disco people...
13:57Disco era.
13:58Yes, you did.
13:58Yes, you did.
14:03I loved the Bee Gees.
14:05I loved them before,
14:05and I loved them in the disco era.
14:07They were great.
14:08There were three of them.
14:09The brothers.
14:10Bee Gees.
14:11And they did a great cab driver-related song,
14:15which, of course, is...
14:17I'm telling you right now...
14:18I can't pronounce the driver's name.
14:23Now, let me tell you something.
14:36I'll pay my fare.
14:38I want to pay you to get me from here to there.
14:41But I don't know nothing.
14:43Oh, man, I stopped blabbing.
14:45What the hell did you say?
14:46What's your name?
14:47Put your hand now.
14:49If you don't know my name,
14:50don't believe it.
14:51Because my name is of a different ethnicity.
15:00Who, who, who, who, who, who, who, what's your name?
15:05Who, what's your name?
15:06Your name, your name, your name, your name.
15:14Tell me what's your name.
15:21They were just ripping off Johnny Mathis.
15:27Yeah.
15:28You know...
15:29There's nothing...
15:32There's nothing...
15:33No music like American music, as they're called.
15:35Oh, good old U.S. of A.
15:37Yes.
15:37You know, I was a child, and I'm not afraid to admit it, of the 50s.
15:41And nothing...
15:43Nothing is closer to my heart than 50s rock and roll.
15:49And that number one song from that era,
15:52Hey, I think we're going in circles.
15:53Oh, hey, I think we're going around here, sir, I hear, sir, I hear, sir, I hear, sir.
16:18Hey, look, hey, look at that house over there, it's the 15th time we've been by.
16:23I don't want to go in circles, I want to get to see my lady tonight.
16:27Oh, oh, oh, we're going around in circles, we're going around.
16:31Because we're going around, we're going around, and then we're going around.
16:35We've been all over this town.
16:39Oh, yeah.
16:40We're going around, we're going around, we're going around, we're going around.
16:45Hey, you're getting so dizzy, because we're going around.
16:56I don't mind telling you, I'm a little dizzy.
17:04You know, for as long as I can remember, I've had memories.
17:07And one of my favorites was right after the disco era, I got into punk.
17:13Oh.
17:14I belong to a band called Swollen Blister.
17:16Really?
17:17Yeah.
17:17We didn't do very well, but we got girls.
17:20And you'll catch girls if you play this wonderful punk song,
17:25your air freshener smells like crap.
17:27I get in your cab, you, you.
17:55Your air freshener smells like doo-doo.
17:58Oh, my goodness, it smells like crap.
18:01Oh, I want to smell your air, I say no, no, no.
18:04I don't want to smell anymore, you'll be oh.
18:07No, no, no, no, no.
18:10It smells like crap.
18:12It smells, it smells, it smells like crap.
18:27And it's like crap.
18:29Drive!
18:31Oh!
18:32Thornton!
18:33Oh!
18:33Oh!
18:33Oh!
18:38Okay, here's my way.
18:39This is our Hoopliners.
18:40We'll be right back with our Hoopliners.
18:41Okay, we're going to go away from the Firehook of the Witherers
18:43and be right back with more Hoop Iron or wherever it is.
18:50Welcome back to Hoop Iron's Anyway.
18:52My Twitter, Jeff Daniels.
18:53Jeff Daniels is the winner of Greg Horton.
18:56As a punishment, the rest of us get to do a little thing for you
18:59called a hoedown.
19:00We're going to do a hoedown for you.
19:01Laura Hall on the panel.
19:03Laura Hall.
19:04Now, what I need from the audience is a suggestion of, uh,
19:07a really good place to go on vacation.
19:08Jersey.
19:09Jersey.
19:10The beach.
19:12Okay, we're going to do a hoedown about the beach.
19:14Whenever you're ready, Laura Hall, take it away.
19:16The beach hoedown.
19:24Let me tell you something.
19:26Just listen to my song.
19:28I was on the beach.
19:29I got something caught in my thong.
19:32The pain was immense.
19:33I thought that I would hurl.
19:35A little piece of sand got trapped.
19:37I made a pearl.
19:40Oh, I went on vacation, and it was grand.
19:50I got lots of sleep, and I got really tanned.
19:54Now I'm back to work.
19:55Don't want to sound like a leech.
19:57But man, do these hoedowns.
19:59Really is a beach.
20:00I vacationed at the beach.
20:06I really had to frown.
20:08I was splashing in the water, and I started to drown.
20:12Water went into my lungs.
20:14I spluttered, and I coughed.
20:15Next thing, I woke up having mouth-to-mouth with David Hasselhoff.
20:19I went to the beach, and boy, was the water cold?
20:26I got in anyway because I was bold.
20:30When I jumped in, it was colder than I feared.
20:34That's the day that my penis disappeared.
20:37My penis disappeared.
20:39My penis disappeared.
20:41Whoo!
20:42We're back in the woods.
20:43I remember this.
20:46Whoo!
20:47Whoo!
20:48Welcome back to Who Finds It?
20:49Anyway.
20:51Tonight, we're going to have Wayne Brady read the credits for you.
20:54Wayne, I want you to read the credits as a Jamaican love god, talking about your contours.
20:58A Jamaican love god.
20:59Thanks a lot for watching, everybody.
21:00Have a good night.
21:01This is baby doll.
21:02Come now.
21:03Let me tell you all about Dan Patterson and Mark Leveson.
21:06Drew Curry.
21:07One time, me had Drew Curry outside back in Jamaica.
21:10Oh, these my ladies.
21:11I saw this one calling Macri.
21:13That's Drew Curry over there.
21:15Now, me too busy with you now.
21:16Move.
21:17Steven Bloom.
21:18Let me tell you all about Ron West.
21:20Oh, Alison Sedaris.
21:21You the prettiest one of all.
21:23May will never leave you.
21:24Let me tell you something.
21:25Oh, no.
21:26You want to play dirty.
21:27All of you, no, you can't have me.
21:29You can't have me.
21:30Who's behind this again?
21:31Anyway, my little way.