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00:01Hey there, brothers and sisters,
00:03and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:05On tonight's show, Drew, Greg Cruz,
00:08Blurred, Wayne Brady,
00:10what's up, Colin Bakery,
00:12and howdy, Einstein.
00:15And I'm your host, Drew Carey.
00:17Come on down, let's have some fun.
00:28Thank you. Thank you very much.
00:29Hey, welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:31The show where everything's made up
00:32and the points don't matter.
00:33That's right.
00:34Points are like the 12th step to Daryl Strawberry.
00:42What, is he here? Oh, we're relaxed.
00:44He's probably sitting at home.
00:46Gee, I think I'll cheer myself up and watch some Hootland.
00:48Oh, no!
00:50Uh, if you've never seen this show before,
00:52what happens is these guys are gonna make up everything
00:53off the top of their heads.
00:54It's really amazing.
00:55And at the end of the show,
00:56we add up these faking points I'll be giving them.
00:58Cause the points don't mean a thing,
00:59and we pick a fake winner.
01:00And, uh, the winner gets to do a little something special with me.
01:02Isn't that nice?
01:03That's right.
01:07And, you know, so do the losers,
01:08but the winner gets a cigarette when we're done.
01:12So let's get started, shall we,
01:13with a game called Let's Make a Date.
01:15This is for all four of you.
01:16Wayne, you are, uh, on a dating type show,
01:18and you're gonna try to pick a date you wanna go out with,
01:20but you only have to choose between Ryan, Colin, and Greg.
01:23That's what you do.
01:24What we've done in these envelopes,
01:25we've given them each a strange,
01:27give them each a strange characteristic or identity,
01:30and Wayne's gonna question them about their suitability for a date
01:33and try to guess who they are.
01:34When you're ready, Wayne, off you go.
01:35Now I'm ready.
01:37That's number one.
01:41Hello.
01:42Hello to you.
01:44I enjoy going all over the world
01:46and experiencing brand new things
01:49and brand new feelings and brand new sense.
01:52What's your favorite thing to sense?
01:55It is so wonderful that you like to do these things.
02:00Always grab the penis.
02:07With love.
02:12I wouldn't have it any other way.
02:15Master number two.
02:18Master number two.
02:26Master number two.
02:27As you can see, I'm a very fit woman.
02:29I enjoy running, cross-country, cross-training,
02:31and swimming with the dolphins.
02:33What do you like to do in your spare time
02:34that keeps you physically fit?
02:36You're gonna have to be a bit more articulate than that,
02:46Master number two.
02:47I don't know about that.
02:49Guess what, mate?
02:52Master number three.
02:53Master number three.
02:54Present.
02:55Ooh, I like a man who just jumps to attention when I speak to him.
03:03Well, then you're out of luck here.
03:05Master number three.
03:06Yes.
03:07Master number three.
03:08Yes.
03:09I don't want to brag, but when I was in school, I was good in algebra and in chemistry.
03:22If you had to take me back to school, what would you teach me?
03:26Well, I'm not gonna teach you anything if we're all sitting here on our flat butts.
03:31Let's get up.
03:32Everyone up.
03:33Everyone up.
03:34Up.
03:35You too.
03:36Stretch out those weary bones.
03:37Stretch out those.
03:38Stretch those bones out.
03:39Stretch them out.
03:41And like this.
03:42And like that.
03:43And like this.
03:44Oh, sit down.
03:45Step out, please.
03:46Step out.
03:47For heaven's sake.
03:48It's like we haven't been off our asses in 3,000 years.
03:51Don't even think.
03:52Oh, my.
03:54That's number one.
03:56Yeah.
03:57It's so wonderful that you want to go out with people.
04:02Making love is the most important part of life.
04:06Well, that's number one.
04:10That's number one.
04:11Yes.
04:12Growing up, I have to admit, I loved Josie and the Pussycats.
04:15Oh.
04:16I was born to get up and dance.
04:17Who were your heroes and why?
04:19Oh, well, I had so many heroes.
04:21But mostly the penis.
04:23That is the key to a happy relationship.
04:30Ready or watching cartoons and making love or making love or making love.
04:35That's number two.
04:37That's it.
04:39Very true.
04:40That's it.
04:41Very true.
04:42That's it.
04:43That's it.
04:44You have to be so young, guys.
04:46Yeah.
04:47Oh, you're so young.
04:48Very good.
04:49Very good.
05:09Very good. Keep it going.
05:11Oh, shake it. Shake it.
05:13Shake the booty. Shake the booty.
05:19Sit down. Sit down now.
05:25Your enthusiasm is infectious.
05:29That's number three? Yes.
05:31Crumple, crumple, crumple, crumple, crumple.
05:33That's number three? Yes.
05:34Oh, you're a little bit irritated.
05:35We've got three weeks to opening.
05:36It's never going to come together.
05:37He's sand, for God's sake.
05:41I'm stuck with Miss Penis.
05:49It's going to be tough, I know.
05:53Oh.
05:54But guess who they are?
05:55Let's see.
05:56Bachelor number one, Greg, is Dr. Ruth Westheimer.
05:59Yes.
06:04Bachelor number two, you are the mummy.
06:06Yeah, I'm the mummy.
06:08He's a mummy.
06:09He's a mummy.
06:10I don't know if he's the mummy.
06:11Oh, yeah.
06:12To me, he's the mummy.
06:17And Bachelor number three, you are an ill-tempered Broadway director, anxious for his-
06:24Broadway what?
06:25Direct-choreographer.
06:26Yes.
06:27Yes.
06:29I'm going to give a thousand points to Greg for that one.
06:41Cheers.
06:42Man, I haven't seen you crawling on your knees like that since you got the show.
06:46That was just fantastic.
06:49Uh-oh.
06:50Let's go on to a game called Narrate.
06:53This is for Colin and Ryan.
06:54They're going to act out a film noir scene and narrate to each other.
06:57It's just the music we picked out for them.
06:59What do you think the audience is an unlikely place for a film noir scene?
07:02The market.
07:03The market.
07:04The market.
07:05The market.
07:06The market.
07:07So you're like at the supermarket.
07:08And whenever you hear the music, take it away.
07:10Three years ago in a produce museum, the cassavas of Melnar were stolen.
07:23I had trailed the cassavas all over the globe.
07:27And I ended up in this strange market in the middle of nowhere.
07:31I knew I was getting close.
07:33To the end.
07:35Excuse me.
07:36Happy to see any cassavas that are dusty and diamond encrusted?
07:40You're talking melons, aren't you?
07:41Yeah.
07:42Oh, I knew him.
07:43I knew him from years ago.
07:44It wasn't worth anything then.
07:45It's not worth anything now.
07:46It's not worth anything now.
07:59He marked me down.
08:00Nothing gets my dander up faster.
08:02Nothing.
08:03Excuse me, you can't just do that.
08:04Hey, what's that bulge?
08:05I knew what the bulge was.
08:06But I wasn't going to tell him.
08:07I knew what the bulge was.
08:08I knew what the bulge was.
08:09But I wasn't going to tell him.
08:10He marked me down.
08:11He marked me down.
08:12Nothing gets my dander up faster.
08:17Nothing.
08:18Nothing.
08:19Excuse me, you can't just do that.
08:22Hey, what's that bulge?
08:25I knew what the bulge was.
08:32But I wasn't going to tell him.
08:35I didn't fancy him.
08:38He had a face that a scanner couldn't put a price on.
08:41Look, I don't want any trouble, mister.
08:47I'm just trying to do my job.
08:52I knew he was trying to do his job.
08:54He thought I didn't see the cassavas hiding in his cheeks.
09:06This guy was smart, but not that smart.
09:10All right, hand over the cassavas.
09:12I know you got them.
09:13I need them.
09:16He said cassavas.
09:18Actually, only one was a cassava.
09:20The other was a goiter.
09:25I'm not sure what that is, but I see it on a lot of sitcoms.
09:32There you go.
09:33There's your cassava.
09:34Where's the other one?
09:35I let him think for a while.
09:44Because I knew he had the answer.
09:46I knew it was a good answer, and he was going to tell it to me.
09:49Because when you ask a question, you expect an answer, because that's the way it works.
09:52Question, answer.
09:53Answer, question.
09:54If he gave the answer, I'd have to come up with a question, and that would be Jeopardy.
09:57That's wrong.
09:58That was great.
09:59Thousand points each to Wayne and Greg.
10:12Good job, guys.
10:13Now, let's go to a game called Song Styles.
10:23This is for Wayne with Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
10:26Now, who in the audience thinks they have a weird job?
10:32Raise your hand.
10:33You.
10:34What's your job?
10:35Ice skating coach.
10:36That's not so weird, but that's kind of different.
10:38Let me go up here and meet you.
10:40Ice skating coach.
10:44What's your name?
10:45Alexis.
10:46Alexis, you're an ice skating coach.
10:47Come on down here.
10:48I'll just meet you guys.
10:49How are you doing?
10:50Nice to see you.
10:51Come on down and say hello to Wayne.
10:53Hey.
10:55Hey, Alexis.
10:56Alexis here is an ice skating coach.
10:58Ice skating coach.
10:59Right.
11:00And you are going to sing this song to her.
11:01Make up a word for the song.
11:02And you're going to sing it as Michael and Janet Jackson.
11:08So take it away.
11:09Both of them?
11:10Whenever you're ready.
11:11Yeah.
11:12Both of them.
11:14Whoo!
11:25Whoo!
11:27I met this girl, Alexis.
11:28I knew that she was nice.
11:29She said, hey, Michael.
11:31I put you on the ice.
11:33I'm looking at her.
11:34She's got a nice butt.
11:36Hey, can you teach me to do a triple lutz?
11:39Oh, Alexis.
11:40Whoo!
11:46Alexis!
11:47Go Janet.
11:48Go Janet.
11:52Sing up, Janet!
11:56Sorry.
11:57na na na sang it down
11:59na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na
12:03Sing up, Janet!
12:06Sorry.
12:11Only people say, ice skating ain't guano, but one day I'm gonna be, just like5完 Moitano
12:17Cus Lexus Îχo!
12:21Alexus shuckers
12:23Because she's a Lexus
12:25Oh!
12:31Whoo!
12:34Thank you to be right back about Who's Line?
12:36Remember this, don't go away.
12:44Thank you. Welcome back to Who's Line? Is It Anyway?
12:46The show where everything's made up, but the points don't matter.
12:47And, hey, if you want a copy of tonight's show,
12:49just keep on watching ABC.
12:50It's about to turn up again sometime.
12:52Let's keep the show going on with a game called The Millionaire Show.
12:57This is, uh, Greg, you're gonna be host of a show called The Millionaire Show.
13:00Ryan's gonna be the contestant on the show.
13:02Colin is the friendly home.
13:04Wayne, you're the guy in the audience.
13:06Uh, the twist is, this is the hillbilly version
13:10of The Millionaire Show.
13:13We all know our hillbillies, so take it away whenever you're ready.
13:16Hi, everybody! My name's Dale Burt,
13:19and this is The Millionaire Show.
13:22We are gonna have more fun than a greased pig in a room full of cousins.
13:32I kid you not.
13:33Uh-uh.
13:35We got a contestant here.
13:37Last week, he won two and a half dollars.
13:40I'm sorry.
13:41That's a lot of money.
13:42Oh, boy.
13:43I was gonna quit at two and a half dollars,
13:45but for four dollars, I can buy my dream home.
13:48Oh, man.
13:49That's a lot of money going on.
13:51And then you can park that home anywhere.
13:53Yeah, that's right, and wait for guys in canoes.
13:56Okay.
13:57Well, you're up to level 15.
14:00I know.
14:01Only eight more to go till we get to that million.
14:04Eight and 15's.
14:05Oh.
14:06It's a lot.
14:07I know it's a lot.
14:08We don't have time for that.
14:09We don't have time for that.
14:10Well, here we go.
14:11Here's the first question, aren't you?
14:12Let me puttin' on my thinkin' cap.
14:14Oh.
14:16You don't want to think too hard yet.
14:17You ain't heard the question.
14:19Oh.
14:20It'd be easier to answer if I heard the question.
14:22Okay.
14:23Red and blue is A, purple, B, two different colors,
14:31C, something else, and D, I don't know.
14:37Man, I think it's D, but...
14:39Do you want to use one of your laugh lines?
14:41I'm going to have to use a laugh line.
14:43Okay.
14:44Which laugh line do you want to use?
14:46Well, I got a relative in the office.
14:48My sister's cousin's uncle brother is up there.
14:51I'd like to talk to her him.
14:53Hey.
14:54How you doing?
14:55Hey.
14:56Hey.
14:57Hey y'all.
14:58Hey y'all.
14:59Shut it.
15:00Hey.
15:01You hear the question?
15:02Of course I heard.
15:03I'm the edumacated one.
15:05Oh.
15:06Yeah.
15:07You got your thinking cap on?
15:11It's on.
15:12Okay.
15:13Go.
15:14You want me to say B?
15:17No, I really mean D.
15:19D is D, I don't know.
15:21Hell yeah.
15:22You sure about that?
15:26Well, I'm going to have to go along with him and say D.
15:32I don't know.
15:33Is that your final answer?
15:37Of course not.
15:38I'm going to say B.
15:39Okay.
15:40You're right.
15:41Right.
15:42I can't remember what I said.
15:45I don't know what I said.
15:47I don't know.
15:48I don't know.
15:49I don't know.
15:50We got time for 89 more questions.
15:51We're going to do one more.
15:52Alright.
15:53We're going to do one more.
15:54I'm going to go on.
15:55Alright.
15:56I'm going to go on.
15:57Here we go.
15:58You know, this one's for $18,000.
16:00It is.
16:01Yeah.
16:02We jumped from $4 to $18,000.
16:04Wow.
16:05And the questions increase in modificability.
16:07That is almost twice as much.
16:09It's more than twice as much.
16:10It's more than twice as much.
16:11It's too much money for me.
16:13Well, okay.
16:14Here we go.
16:15The capital of Wyoming is A Cheyenne, B W, say Arkansas, or D. Hell, I don't know that,
16:38but I think my Uncle Bubba do.
16:40Hell, I don't know that, but I think my Uncle Bubba do.
16:43Yeah.
16:44W.
16:45You want to try for a laugh line?
16:46I think I'm going to have to use a laugh line.
16:48Okay.
16:49Who you going to call?
16:50I'm going to call my best friend in the world, Pitybowl.
16:53Pitybowl?
16:54Pitybowl.
16:55Pitybowl?
16:56Why they call him Pitybowl?
16:57Because he used to shoot things with arrows and used to put the bow under his pitties.
17:01Oh.
17:02His pitties and the pittybowl.
17:04Why you don't ring up that old boy right now?
17:07Well, I never worked one with buttons before.
17:10Oh, never mind.
17:11We got him on the line.
17:12Hello.
17:13Howdy.
17:14I'm talking to you, but I can't see you anywhere.
17:16I know.
17:17Hey, Pitybowl.
17:18Pitybowl.
17:19I hear ya.
17:20You ever been to Wyoming?
17:21Wyoming?
17:22Yeah.
17:23Is that the capital of that?
17:24Oh!
17:25Oh, my bow just went off.
17:26Oh.
17:27Pitybowl.
17:28Pitybowl, we don't got a lot of time.
17:29You got 20 seconds to give them all four, starting now.
17:32Is it A, B, C, or D?
17:34What?
17:35What?
17:36What?
17:37What?
17:38What?
17:39If grease were brains, you wouldn't grease too big a skillet boy.
17:42Cheyenne.
17:43Cheyenne's the capital of Wyoming.
17:45He said Cheyenne.
17:46I didn't even tell him the answer.
17:47Thank you, Pitybowl.
17:48Cheyenne.
17:49You're gonna go with then.
17:50I'm gonna have to go with B, W.
17:53Oh.
17:54Are you sure?
17:55I'll take A.
17:56Cheyenne?
17:57Cheyenne.
17:58Cheyenne.
17:59Is that your final answer?
18:00No, WB.
18:01You're going back to B?
18:02Yeah.
18:03WB, because that's my favorite network.
18:04Well, sure it is.
18:06Ever since they took Mama's place off.
18:08Oh, I love that show.
18:09Oh, not great.
18:10Oh, hell.
18:11Oh, hell.
18:14Listen.
18:17Your last answer was B.
18:18And that's the answer.
18:19W is a capital Y.
18:20I'm with you.
18:21That's the answer.
18:22Woo!
18:23All right, so we're gonna see a commercial.
18:27We'll be right back with more
18:28Who's Live is in Anyway, right after this.
18:30Don't go away.
18:36Welcome back to Who's Live is in Anyway.
18:37Tonight's we're gonna have great groups,
18:38great pieces here.
18:42Yes, it's true.
18:43He wants to do something with the special a little later.
18:44But first, the rest of us are gonna do a hoedown for you.
18:46Uh, and what I need from the audience is I need to know,
18:49uh, a fun place to go.
18:52Fun place to go on a date.
18:56Skydiving.
18:57Skydiving.
18:58Skydiving.
18:59Let's do the skydiving hoedown with the help of Laura Hall on the piano.
19:02Thank you, Laura Hall.
19:04Skydiving hoedown.
19:05Let's do it.
19:13When I start dating, they say,
19:15You're insane!
19:17Wayne, why do you take your dates up in a plane?
19:20Because I know that a girl loves the way I go.
19:24And so if the date goes well, guess who'll be yelling?
19:26Geronimo!
19:27Well, I say skydiving's the best way to call it off.
19:39When you and your girlfriend had just had enough.
19:43And here's how you do it.
19:45Don't think that I'm insane.
19:47You get her up there, take her shoot off, and kick her off the plane.
19:51I jumped out of the plane, my parachute had failed.
20:02All the blood rushed from me, my complexion paled.
20:06Everywhere you could hear my scared call.
20:09Luckily, all my urine broke my fall.
20:13I was skydiving when my parachute failed.
20:24I couldn't stop, I just sailed and sailed and sailed.
20:28But I looked around and I was no dummy.
20:32I survived cause I landed on Drew Carey's tummy.
20:35Drew Carey's tummy!
20:38I was so happy.
20:40Override fights before Who's Line Is It Anyway?
20:43Everybody.
20:48Welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
20:50We're gonna end the show tonight with Greg Krux.
20:52Reading the credits for you.
20:53Greg, I want you to read your credits as Dr. Ruth,
20:55giving advice to everybody.
20:57Good night, everybody.
20:58Thanks for watching.
20:59See you later.
21:02First of all, you want to grab Don Patterson,
21:05and you want to squeeze him.
21:07Squeeze.
21:08That's what makes him happy.
21:10You take Drew Carey and you hold him like this
21:12and you just pinch.
21:13You pinch.
21:14You pinch.
21:15You pinch.
21:16Oh, look.
21:17You all come to join me.
21:18How nice for you.
21:19Then you take Gene Selvinson.
21:20Remember.
21:21What you want to do is you want to squeeze.
21:23That delays the pleasure.
21:24Again, later.
21:25Later.
21:26Then comes Bless and Release.