Peep Show: Get Your Sphincter Rebuilt

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak receive an e-mail from a former corrections officer who knows of an inmate that needed to have his butthole reconstructed after a "hooping" mishap. Then, hear from a listener who had to have his sphincter reconstructed.

Transcript

00:00Got this email from a lady says I had to reach out to tell you guys this so I'm a correctional

00:11officer I deal with a lot of packages hooped that's what they call it okay their technical

00:17term for it well hooped okay the craziest thing I've seen dealing with this area so far was an

00:23inmate who dry hooped meaning no lubrication oh yeah a package of marijuana bigger than a softball

00:33you'd be surprised what can be done back there long story short because of the size of the package

00:39and him not using any sort of lubricant to get it up there he did suffer severe rectal damage

00:45I bet and he had to be rushed to the hospital he was admitted for several days and there was such

00:51bad damage he had to have emergency surgery to put his booty back together yeah so he tore it huh

00:58I hope there's no one ever required to put my booty back together you never know life you know you

01:06never know I hope I hope so too for you yeah I don't want your booty to be separated junk but I

01:13don't know what you're gonna get after uh last I heard he still has issues down there from this

01:17incident once they once they've had to rebuild it I don't think it's ever the same it's ever in

01:23working order you know like when you don't have the car fixed you know when they get you you get

01:27your car fixed and you're like there's still a noise right there's still a noise there's like some

01:31kind of noise they fixed it but they also don't have the factory parts to what are they using to

01:37rebuild your booty I don't know I don't know what they use my buddy got a brand new b-hole so that's

01:42right but artificial no I don't know if it's artificial like do they I don't think it's like

01:47a plastic thing I think they just rebuild it with like plastic surgery because the sphincter

01:54technology would be hard to sphincters are so important too I think that I think though that's

01:59the part that needed to be how do you rebuild this thing I don't know that's that's a great it's a

02:05great question well if a sphincter is what he needed we've got sphincter muscles all over our

02:10body no we really do like we have one rectum we've got lots of sphincters like that's style

02:16expert Al who knew Al was the sphincter expert surprise surprise surprise oh so they so they

02:24must go in and grab another one it could be I don't know but yeah no I've that's one of those

02:29surprising I was surprised with that fact I was like ah I'm gonna file that one yeah time to pull

02:34it out that's a funny one to bust out well we're all full of sphincters Andy I work on this show

02:40yeah true true yeah it can be repaired or simply tightened tightened yeah give it a give it a pull

02:49they just take a wrench back there yeah maybe a wire close it up there's a well-established

02:54therapy for patients with incontinence imagine going into sphincter therapy that would suck I mean

03:00it would suck but also poop's just flying out of you like so you do whatever you do whatever you

03:06gotta do you gotta do what you gotta regain sphincter control you really do but I mean I've been to

03:11physical therapy before you know I can't imagine going to something like that for sphincter you know

03:18it'd be funny if they were like exercising their b-hole and then they fell and they're having all these struggles

03:23I can't do it I can't do it a rocky montage of just my butthole running up a step

03:32anonymous in florida hello hey how are you guys doing okay hey you went through uh some sphincter stuff

03:45uh yeah yeah I was a uh I was a cop in Chicago went into a bar fight uh saw this little five foot

03:54nothing girl kicked my partner right in the rocks and he immediately dropped started puking and I went

04:03to help him up and she got me with her pointed toe western boot right in the sphinct oh yeah oh right

04:13you took a boot to the sphincter yeah a pointy boot uh-huh right in there yeah like luke skywalk

04:19did you know instantly did you know instantly she had done some backdoor damage

04:25I felt the intense pain yes but I mean you're on adrenaline when they're going through this right

04:32right yeah yeah it was just a matter of trying to get whatever was going on in front of me and

04:39then I realized and yeah the pain was like unbelievable needless to say I was bleeding

04:46like a sieve and I didn't realize that until afterwards either right sure you're not checking

04:50your ass yeah and you're all everything back there is great now yeah it's been five or six years I guess

04:58yeah yeah it works no rip cords though no oh yeah don't play around with that don't play around

05:03with that you keep that thing I'd be wearing iron underwear after that like I honestly I would not

05:10take a chance again not a bad idea my career I was very protective of the little turtles yeah oh I

05:16bet always facing any perp head on always head on always never turn your back on anyone nope

05:25anonymous thank you so much glad your b-hole is back up and running again yeah yeah glad to talk

05:31about it with you guys you guys are awesome you really are you're a blast of breath of fresh air

05:37down here awesome well thank you we appreciate it thank you dude have a good day thanks have a great

05:42thank you what else could he call in about that no no one I mean it probably felt good to get it

05:46off his chest right it's incredible that that chick just like crane kicked his b-hole to oblivion oh my

05:51god yeah she really what a bitch karate kid one out in the nuts and then the other one

05:57she was a little one-man wrecking she took one guy down in the nuts and the other guy

06:05destroyed his back door for years like it took years yeah to rebuild holy smokes poor bastard uh

06:13matt's in ohio you have some experience here yes i'm a 22 year veteran of uh of being a correctional

06:21officer okay and one of my co-workers went to uh one of our sister facilities here in ohio

06:27did a shakedown over there and they think they make cell phones about the size of your pinky

06:34he found one did the shape it was uh stripping a guy out and found a uh founded a found a cell phone

06:44in this dude's uh pee hole oh yeah yeah that's a big uh that's a big uh hello that's a big yeah hey

06:54hello i mean if i've got a phone in my penis i've got quite a penis

07:02oh hold on a second i gotta make a phone call hello what's up lady how you doing baby girl

07:10yeah you know i'm talking on the penis phone how are you wow i mean come on i don't know what

07:21if someone came to me and they're like what could you smuggle inside of a prison in your penis i'm

07:26like three benadryl like three benadryl maybe in there no cell phones holy hell my god yeah how do

07:39those cell phones work i mean do you think that they you can actually hear people and talk on those

07:43you know i wonder if you can if i wonder if they call out or if it's something that they only

07:49receive calls and people have to call you and it's just like an answer button i don't know it's so

07:56small like how can it have i don't know yeah i just oh yeah there it is look at that oh that's bigger

08:01than i could handle i'm gonna be honest that's like two pinkies but if you put it up next to like

08:07an earbud they have pictures of that and it's like the same size that's that is too large yeah

08:12no there's no way in p-hole come on you gotta have a big yeah look like that one right there is the

08:18size of his index finger and i know that i couldn't take my index finger oh my god god god stop stop no

08:24remember that dude that called in from prison on his prison phone yeah i remember that yeah he was

08:30in a cell and he called us yep he used his some of his battery life yeah just call into our show

08:36hello dave and chuck i'm talking on the penis phone he turns up the volume with his balls how do you

08:42i don't know i don't know he just squeezes the edges you just gotta squeeze the edge until you find it

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