A Message from Elon Musk to His Tesla Shareholders | Honest Ads - video Dailymotion

Cracked

Whether you’re an important Tesla shareholder or just an American citizen, I want to apologize for my recent involvement in f*ing up the country, and for tanking your retirement savings. HAHA, just kidding. You’re an idiot.  Cast: Michael Strauss as Elon Musk  Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-0dXntqR76zT7b3-iB7Q1g/join  Honest Ads Merch: https://the-cracked-dispensary.creator-spring.com Cracked.com: https://www.youtube.com/@UCjD2KyAEm84yVH8cTilID7Q   #elonmusk #doge #tesla #parody #honestads

Transcript

00:00Okay, hey there everyone. Whether you're important Tesla shareholders or just an

00:05American citizen, I want to apologize for my recent involvement in f***ing up the

00:09country and for taking your time in savings. Haha, just kidding. I would

00:13never apologize. You're an idiot. I'm mostly sorry that you're all catching on.

00:17Probably shouldn't have bribed people to vote in Wisconsin, okay? I mean I was

00:22simply exploiting a loophole that actually qualifies as a legal way to

00:25endorse people voting. What, are you one of my ex-wives? Like, sue me, okay? Look, I'm

00:31trying to bring innovation back to America by trimming spending and useless

00:35government programs. No more free handouts. Unless it's to me in government

00:39kickbacks that'll rectify Tesla's slew of problems, okay? We have isolated market

00:43trends and determined that our nearly 50% loss in the stock market value is not

00:48because of me, but rather because of very very bad people who keep ruining my

00:53trucks. I mean my trucks. I'm launching a new pseudo-governmental task force that'll

00:58restore glory. To Tesla, I'm taking a tiny step back from doge and one big step

01:03forward as the head of the sad AF task force. The stop automotive delinquents

01:08and felons task force will stop vandalism against my cars. These terrorists

01:13really think they can get away with spray painting Elon is a Nazi on a car? Where

01:17would somebody get that idea? And lighting a car on fire, I mean guys, I worked

01:22really, really hard on these cars and that is just incredibly disrespectful, okay?

01:27This sad AF task force will basically deploy a small force of young college

01:31educated men who love my cars and will literally give their lives to protect my

01:36vehicles. Fascism is kind of cool now, okay? I mean it's fun, right? We have GPS

01:42coordinates of every vehicle we've ever made. It'll be fairly easy to track you all

01:46down. In order to fund my sad AF task force, we needed another 6.5 billion from USAID

01:52USAID because children do not need AIDS.

01:56That's not what it's for Elon, come on.

02:00Look, sad AF is important because the government and all Americans should fix my

02:05problems. Sales are down 31% in California, 43% in Europe and 29% in China. So our slim

02:14profit margins are actually shrinking as quickly as my relationship with my teenage

02:19children. It's okay because I'm back as a full-time part-time CEO. China's

02:27companies like BYD are already messing up my entire plan. So we better get on this. I can

02:34assure you, we are changing the world. Perhaps at first destroying ecosystems and

02:38economies with egregious lithium mining practices. What can go wrong, really? Remember

02:42all my other good ideas? The boring company rebranding Twitter, hair plugs, okay? Sad AF will

02:52reinstate decency in our culture. We need to come together as a country and our first

02:58step is to stop ruining my cars. If you have a funny sounding last name, that will be

03:03grounds for deportation. I'm now a US citizen, but as an immigrant born in South Africa,

03:08I know a thing or two about treating people who don't look like you like shit. My real

03:13hope is that I can continue to instill fear into the hearts of hard-working Americans and

03:17win over Silicon Valley, which enabled my insane ideas for years. I even seduced

03:21people's wives and got them to give me money. So if we could make things bad enough here,

03:27then we will have to colonize space. Flush with cash, I can finally build my castle

03:32on Mars. I know what you're thinking. Yes, it is a bouncy castle made out of unique chromium

03:36alloy. And over time, okay, we will be the only car on Earth. And my company, SpaceX,

03:42will control the airspace around Earth. And I will effectively own the Earth. And I'm literally

03:46richest man on Earth and the universe. Actually, being pragmatic, someday we might discover

03:53a cavalcade of alien human-like creatures who are made of platinum. And we'll be forced

03:57to harvest their bones, of course. But that's a risk you take when you colonize Mars. I mean,

04:02until then, keep buying Tesla's. And guys, please stop defacing my cars. Or I will have

04:10to get sad AF to come get you. Should I give my heart to you all?

04:18No. Do not do that. No? No. I'm glad I have someone to tell me not to do that.

04:24Well, you're welcome. Okay. We'll see you later. Oh my god.

04:28I have to go get a penile injection.

A Message from Elon Musk to His Tesla Shareholders | Honest Ads

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Recommended