Greenbean Fighting Machine

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about what it would be like if Andy were to step in the ring with Floyd Mayweather instead of Conor McGregor in their upcoming fight scheduled in August.

Transcript

00:30He's one of the biggest stars in the history of the UFC, but he's never boxed before as an amateur or a professional.

00:36This is a world champion, undefeated fighter.

00:44Good luck.

00:45No word on the paydays.

00:47Could be the richest fight in boxing history, though.

00:50Conor has said he wouldn't do it for less than $100 million.

00:53Floyd said he wouldn't do it for less than $500 million or something like that.

00:57Floyd will make more than him, but Conor said he wouldn't do it for less than $100 million.

01:00Would you let your ass be beaten on national television for $100 million?

01:04Yes.

01:05I think I would.

01:06Oh, my God.

01:06Absolutely, right?

01:07Beat the hell out of me.

01:08Yeah.

01:08I got $100 million to make myself look better.

01:10I got a chance to land one.

01:12My entrance to that fight would be hilarious because I'd just be drinking booze.

01:15He was like...

01:16Oh, my God.

01:19He was going to be that.

01:19He's smoking a blunt.

01:20He's drunk.

01:21Tearing a blunt.

01:22Yeah.

01:23He's getting high right now as he's walking to the ring.

01:26Oh, my God.

01:27He's doing whippets on the little trail down to the ring there.

01:30Here comes Andy Green.

01:32Let's do it.

01:33One thing for sure, he's not going to win, and he's not going to feel a thing.

01:39Yeah, it would be different to see you come down that little walkway.

01:44It appears he's drinking grain alcohol on the way to the...

01:48Yep, that is an entire bottle.

01:49Wow, he has put a lot of it down.

01:51Look at that.

01:53He's almost killed himself with booze.

01:57He is crying now.

01:58Look at him cry.

01:59He's scared.

02:00They're shuffling him.

02:01A little trickle coming down his leg.

02:04That's human urine.

02:05Yes.

02:06That's human urine.

02:07Andy, just before the fight, why are you doing this?

02:09Why are you doing this?

02:10I really want the money, but I'm really, really scared.

02:13Did you just press yourself?

02:15Yeah, I did.

02:17I was like, no, no, no, no, no.

02:19Are you going to puke?

02:20Did you spend any time on YouTube watching this man destroy other people?

02:23Oh, just so much time watching him just destroy other human beings.

02:28Oh, wow.

02:28I'm so scared.

02:30Oh, that's probably not a good idea.

02:31I'm so scared.

02:32How long do you think you're going to last in there, Andy?

02:33I think I'm hoping for a good four seconds.

02:37First shot.

02:38First shot.

02:39I'm just going to put my chin out and hope for the best.

02:43You look like you're on the Titanic.

02:45Yeah, I will.

02:47I come into Celine Dion.

02:52My heart will go on.

02:53Yeah.

02:53That'd be a weird way to do it.

02:59After the fight, I've unlearned long division.

03:01They'd be like, what's your strategy in this fight?

03:04And I'd be like, well, you ever see Obi-Wan Kenobi get struck down by Darth Vader?

03:10That's what I'm going to do.

03:14Utter giving up.

03:15You know a fighting name?

03:16Like Ultimate Green Bean?

03:17Or what do you think?

03:18Just Andy.

03:19Andy the Green Bean Green.

03:20Andy the Green Bean Green.

03:21Green Bean Green.

03:22You keep trying to run away.

03:24We can't describe you.

03:24Dude, I'm sorry.

03:25I told you.

03:26Just do it.

03:27Green Bean Punching Machine.

03:28Green Bean.

03:29Lean Green Bean Punching Machine.

03:31That's it right there.

03:33Just crying.

03:34Snot bubbles.

03:34You can see like Andy training for this.

03:37The jumping rope.

03:39We need somebody to pump him up.

03:41Like, you got this, Andy.

03:42I know, I really don't.

03:43No, that's impossible.

03:45It's impossible.

03:46Just think about that money.

03:47I am.

03:48That's all it can get me through, Lisa.

03:51That's all it can get me through, Lisa.

03:52That's all it can get me through, Lisa.

03:52What do you got there?

03:54It's not water in Andy's water bottle.

03:56We're just spray dousing them with gin.

04:00No, this water bottle literally says like vodka on it.

04:03Right, yeah.

04:04Just gin.

04:05Yeah.

04:06I picture Lisa, though.

04:07You know how Lisa does like motivational speeches to us sometimes?

04:10It goes through.

04:10Like she kicks in.

04:11Yeah, she gets super positive.

04:12Yeah, I picture her as like the trainer in the corner.

04:14Yeah, exactly.

04:15Andy, you got this.

04:16It's going to be okay.

04:17Think of all the boots you're going to be able to buy.

04:19Oh, Jesus.

04:20Cover your face.

04:20I got this sweet robe for you.

04:24You're just going to do fine.

04:25You're a natural born athlete.

04:29I love this game.

04:31Punch out.

04:33Yeah.

04:33It's going to be your theme, Andy.

04:34They'd hit me so hard my pants would fall down like King Hippo.

04:39Andy, pull up your pants.

04:41Thanks, Lisa.

04:42The world's going to see you're stage one, Andy.

04:47Andy, that whole round your pants were off.

04:49No, that's how it would go down.

04:51I'd get knocked out real quick.

04:52I'd get knocked out so hard my pants would fall down and then my dick would just be out.

04:56Oh, yeah.

04:56I'd just be breathing heavy over my mouth guard.

05:01It's still worth it for a hundred million.

05:02Yes.

05:03Yeah.

05:04Because with a hundred million, you can have a small one.

05:06Yeah.

05:06They'll still be lined up.

05:09That's true.

05:10Boxing shirts bedazzled.

05:11Green bean on the ass.

05:13On the ass.

05:14In the green.

05:14Wearing the green shorts.

05:16Wearing the green shorts.

05:18Andy.

05:19And it ain't green bean fighting machine.

05:22Green on one cheek.

05:23Bean on the other.

05:26Green.

05:26I really want you to focus in on my giant ass and the words green bean on each cheek.

05:42The announcers, I think that says green bean on his ass cheeks.

05:47We could sell some sponsors to paint all over your body.

05:51Some boxers that are going to get killed.

05:54They just have that, like, they put that one casino on their back.

05:57I, like, come in in my, like, injured person chair, like, after the fight.

06:01And I'm like, I'm Andy Green for canola oil.

06:05Made sponsor of my fight.

06:08We'll be there.

06:09We got you.

06:10We're your training team if you decide to do this one.

06:12All right.

06:13All right.

06:13It'll be the shortest fight in history.

06:15I could be the ring boy.

06:17Oh, he will.

06:18He would be.

06:20There you go.

06:21A great ring boy.

06:24A great ring boy.

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06:50A great ring boy.

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