00:00I didn't want anybody to know that I was getting a hip replacement because I literally thought,
00:06that is for old people. I'm not old. I don't want to be seen as old. It just scared me.
00:21I had always had this clicking thing in my hip and I had seen a doctor for it a while back and
00:28they told me that I had like slightly misshapen something in there that made that clicking sound
00:36and I was a dancer when I was younger and I would always hear the click like it was and
00:41then it became like more of a clump and then eventually it became something that was so
00:48painful that I couldn't even like go on a walk with my dogs. I kind of knew osteoarthritis was
00:56coming for me just because of my parents. That's sort of a daunting thing to know you're in store
01:03for but it made sense just given my family genetics. There was a lot of procrastinating on
01:11getting the surgery because it was scary and I thought oh my I'm too young. I was 48 and
01:18approaching the big five-oh and you know I just kept putting it off until I couldn't put it off
01:27anymore. Like I couldn't do the things I wanted to do and I said no my life is not going to go
01:34down like this. I'm not going to be slowed down by something that I can go potentially get fixed.
01:41With a hip surgery nowadays you're in and out the same day which I didn't believe but they have you
01:48walking like an hour after like with a walker and I went home that day with my little walker
01:56and we went straight to bed and really tried to keep off my feet which was next to
02:01impossible for someone like me and within three days I had ditched the walker and replaced it
02:08with a vacuum. I was literally facetiming my sister and vacuuming at the same time. She didn't even
02:13know I had had the surgery and I was like look at me I'm vacuuming and she was like okay great
02:19that's not a normal and I said wait I just had my hip replaced and I'm vacuuming and she was like
02:26wait what you had your hip replaced? So I did not take it slow enough on my first replacement. I
02:34didn't give myself enough grace to be still and let my body heal but remarkably my first hip healed
02:43very quickly and I was back and so active within two months probably. One month I felt like good
02:52two months I was on the go and like by three months I forgot that I had even had it done
02:57and I had to remind myself oh slow down sister you got a fake hip now but the second surgery
03:04took a lot longer to heal. It still hurts like it's still healing and I have to kind of baby it
03:11and I think so on an emotional level I was just a little kinder to myself
03:15and on a physical level just working back into things slowly and listening to my body like
03:21instead of pushing through pain I would say no I need to modify this move or I need to wait on this
03:29exercise because it hurts and you I don't think that's something you should push too early. It's
03:36really hard for me to receive people's help because I like to help people so that was hard
03:42for me asking would you mind getting me some more water? Could you please bring my medicines in? You
03:49know like that was challenging for me and it's still challenging for me to ask for help. That's
03:55just the kind of person I am I guess. As women we're taught we're supposed to take care of others
04:01and when you shift and you start taking care of yourself for you it just changes everything. I
04:09felt like my personal development and my maturing was incredibly stunted because I spent you know
04:23such formative years on a set as a teen working so hard and not having a sense of myself at all
04:32and always trying to be pretty and look good and have people like me and accept me and want me and
04:39my worth was dependent on looking a certain way feeling valued by others for whatever reason.
04:50Your priorities shift as you get older the things you want change things that were so
04:58consuming and important in your younger years just don't matter anymore and you really come to a
05:05place and thank god I came to this place because I spent so much of my life wasting my time
05:12worrying what other people thought of me and you come to this place where you're like I don't want
05:17to waste my precious time on this earth worrying about what other people think of me it's futile
05:23and it's damaging and so you just have to let that go and you do it happens as you get older
05:32it's okay to love yourself it's not selfish it's it's vital so for me doing that kind of work was
05:42really scary but I also felt like it was helping me I saw the growth and I could see the progress
05:52and it wasn't overnight there were a lot of setbacks and then I ended up getting remarried
05:58and then splitting up with my husband unexpectedly three years into that marriage and thought that
06:05that marriage had ended also and so I was like I don't know if this is too personal
06:10too much we had before we broke up we had been undergoing IVF treatments and trying to have a
06:16baby and it kept failing and that was really really hard on both of us individually and on
06:22our relationship and when we decided to let go of that possibility it sort of freed us up to
06:33love each other in a different way Dave is just an incredibly supportive loving person
06:41and he loves to take care of me he's just always thinking of of how he can make me happy and make
06:50the day go better I'm so grateful for the generosity of his you know his spirit and his love
06:58every day so going through the operations I did I did want to make it look easy I didn't want to
07:06look old to him I didn't want him to see me struggling but I couldn't really hide it from him
07:14and you know because I wanted to hide it from the whole world I didn't want anybody to know that
07:17I was getting a hip replacement because I literally thought that is for old people
07:25I'm not old I don't want to be seen as old and it just scared me and then you know I had to have
07:32that kind of epiphany that your physical state has nothing to do with your spirit and no matter
07:42what physical condition I'm dealing with I still have a young spirit you know and I just encourage
07:48people listen to your body respect your body because this is the body we came into this world
07:55with and this is the body we're going to grow old with we have to take care of it and the first part
07:59of taking care of your body is by listening to the messages that it's giving you when something hurts
08:07go have it looked at by a doctor and do whatever you can to alleviate the pain because you don't
08:14have to live in pain modern medicine is so miraculous now like a robot and a doctor put
08:21two fake hips in me like and I'm working out and I'm doing all the things in my life I wanted to do
08:27like I you know it has not changed things on such a level that I can't adjust you know
08:38and I have to tell you it really is the best time of my life
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