00:00When this year started out, one thing that wasn't on my 2024 bingo card was getting a brain tumour.
00:05Yet here we are! One moment I'm crushing PBs at the gym and celebrating four years of my recovery
00:10from alcoholism and drug addiction, the next a neurosurgeon is slicing into my skull and
00:14having a good old route around in my cranium there.
00:30When I first got sober, people told me it wouldn't all be sunshine and rainbows but
00:49honestly I wasn't expecting this. I guess life happens whether we're self-sabotaging
00:54with reckless abandon or looking after ourselves with green juices and journaling.
00:57For now, I'm staying grateful that this challenge has come at a time when I'm clean,
01:01sober and emotionally stable. I'm a bit scared about the prospect of going on a cancer journey
01:05right now because it would be quite the inconvenience. I have so much care and
01:09support around me, especially from my cheery golden retriever partner Steph who balances
01:13out my cynical black cat ways.
01:28If you could find out when you were going to die, would you? The doctor told me that the tumour in
01:34my brain is a grade 3 oligodendroglioma and although research is not up to date and I am
01:39a unique human with an individual case, he thinks my life expectancy is going to be about 15 years.
01:44In my last video, I spoke about how much time I wasted being unspeakably cruel to myself
01:48due to my chronic and honestly pointless self-loathing which, by coincidence,
01:53also lasted about 15 years. Well, now that I know I have approximately the same amount of
01:57time left on this earth, you'd better believe that I'm going to continue my self-compassion
02:01journey. Just so happy I made those changes when I did, because to find out now that I
02:05might not make it past my 50s and to know I wasted even more time deliberately making
02:09myself sad for no reason would hurt even more. And hey, a lot can happen in 15 years.
02:13That's a whole teenager worth of enjoying life, loving myself and putting good into the world.
02:18So, if you're stuck in this cycle of self-hatred and self-punishment,
02:21this is your sign to start treating yourself with love and respect, because life just is not that long.
Comments