00:00I never thought I'd get married to fat and obviously it's not even because I didn't think anyone would want to marry me fat
00:05I had several long-term relationships while I was fat. I'm still fat
00:09So just I've had several long-term relationships in this body at varying sizes
00:15No
00:18The thing is I thought that if someone asked me to marry them I would say no
00:23because I was fat or I would say yes, but I wouldn't have a ring because I didn't want a ring that would fit my
00:28stupid fat fingers and
00:29More importantly I would definitely lose weight for the wedding and if I literally had this thought with my ex because if we were together
00:36for a long time
00:38if
00:39We planned a wedding and I didn't succeed in losing the weight
00:43I wanted to for the wedding that I would cancel the wedding. I mean
00:47that's a wild thing to think and yet I was so convinced that being fat was this like
00:55failure this
00:56incredible like moral failing this
01:00Humiliating thing that I would rather have wasted like 20 grand or whatever the wedding cost
01:07Because I was too fat to be in photos to wear my ideal dress. Um
01:14that's just as someone who's now engaged and planning a wedding and totally fine with the fact that I'm gonna be fat at that wedding and
01:21Has done a lot of hard work to be okay in general with being fat and not putting off living my life
01:28because of my weight
01:30It is wild to reflect on the fact that if if I had been proposed to at another time
01:36even by the same person who I wanted to marry just as much as I want to marry my fiance that I might have said
01:41No, or I might have ruined this experience for me. I might have made it about my weight just because I
01:49Could not see that there was so much more to life than how fat I was
01:56Where are all the fat brides? Um
01:58I am like so over
02:01wanting to lose weight for specific occasions or
02:05Thinking that I have to lose weight for something to happen
02:07Or thinking that I need to take this out of my hair before I film a video. Um
02:13but
02:14It is really discouraging not seeing photos of
02:19Fat people getting married when you are looking for stuff
02:23Looking for dresses looking at wedding photographers like just looking all this light inspiration and not seeing yourself
02:30represented at all is
02:32really difficult because
02:34It does let all the like stuff that you've worked really hard to let go of in your head
02:40You know all this diet culture stuff that makes you think that it would be better if you were thin
02:45Like it really like drags that to the surface because there's only one
02:50Visual that you're seeing and so you're like, well if I want to fit into that, I think I need to lose weight
02:57I'm not there and you shouldn't be either. You do not need to lose weight for your wedding, but
03:04Just a like general call to everyone if we can see more fat people getting married, that would be amazing
03:10And I mean as a wedding photographer, I haven't actually photographed that many fat couples
03:16Unfortunately, so my website is not full of them
03:20But I'm gonna go and review my portfolio and make a conscious effort to put more
03:27Representation of a variety of like shapes and sizes and colors in there
03:33To make sure that other people don't feel like this when they're looking at my website
03:39If you have already got married and you are fat like comment so I can go look at your pictures
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