00:00Hey guys, YoungbloodFantasy91 here with another rant.
00:15You know, the movie industry today sucks balls, and I'm sure everybody this side of the western
00:19hemisphere will agree with me.
00:21It seems that Hollywood has degraded itself to becoming nothing more than money-hungry
00:24petty sons of bitches who make movies for the purpose of bemusing their audiences and
00:29trying to promote their own ridiculous agendas.
00:32One of the many reasons why movies suck these days is, per the topic of my rant, remakes.
00:36I swear to you guys, if I see another remake of another movie, I will literally explode
00:40with the fury of Mount Vesuvius, because this sort of thing has become way too rampant and
00:45way too overdone, to the point of it becoming a vomit-inducing asshole-ish tactic.
00:50They were made because directors and producers ran out of ideas in their brainless little
00:53heads and decided, you know what, this movie is 20 years old, let's remake it so that today's
00:57retarded and skewed audience will understand it.
01:00The idea for updating and adapting every fucking thing has given us the biggest embarrassment
01:05in movie history.
01:06Don't believe me?
01:07Three words.
01:08The.
01:09Last.
01:10Airbender.
01:11And let's not forget the cartoon adaptations such as the soon-to-be-released Yogi Bear,
01:15I guess it's now released in theaters now, and the horrible movie Underdog, but I ridiculously
01:19digress.
01:20Let's get back to the topic of remakes.
01:22Now, I gotta be honest with myself.
01:24Not all remakes are made from the 9th circle of hell, and I wish to emphasize that.
01:28There are certain remakes that became movie gold, such as Ben-Hur and The Ten Commandments
01:32starring Charlton Heston and directed by Cecile DeMille of all people, and I liked The Magnificent
01:37Seven, which was a remake of a Kurosawa film called The Seven Samurai.
01:40That was great.
01:41And I know there are plenty of other examples, and if you guys know any more, feel free to
01:45leave a comment with an example handy.
01:47However, what I'm focusing on is how remakes are made today.
01:50I know the idea behind remakes is to update the movies, but with our audience slowly deteriorating
01:54in intelligence and currently having the combined IQ of Forrest Gump, no offense, anything will
01:59please the audiences, including crappy remakes of classic movies.
02:02Don't believe me?
02:03Let's run through some examples.
02:05How about the movie Mr. Deeds with Adam Sandler?
02:07That was a remake that sucked, since the actors did a piss-poor job of acting, but to add
02:12insult to injury, it was a remake of a Frank Capra movie.
02:15I'm sure that for every time someone watched it, Mr. Capra did a trapeze act in his grave.
02:20What about when Tim Burton had the gall to replicate the unreplicable Gene Wilder in
02:24his adaptation of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?
02:27The 1971 version had an original score with great actors and classic scenes.
02:32The new one features Burton's lackey, Johnny Depp, acting like the most antisocial bastard
02:36ever, by being the most unbelievable Willy Wonka ever, in a bad way.
02:41How about the unhealthy obsession with remaking horror movies?
02:44What about the new Final Destination, or the new Nightmare on Elm Street in Friday the
02:4713th?
02:48What is the goddamn point if the movie was already perfect to begin with?
02:52So 20 years passed by, so what?
02:56Popular culture to this day refers to movies made decades ago, and Hollywood is simply
03:00nonchalant about this.
03:01Next you'll be telling me they're remaking the Ghostbusters.
03:03Oh wait, they're making another sequel with some of the writers being the writer-producers
03:07of The Office.
03:08God damn it.
03:10But I digress again, and I'll probably touch movie sequels if I find the time to.
03:14Let's run through some more examples.
03:16The Night Professor?
03:17Stupid.
03:18The Night of the Apes?
03:19Way too long and boring.
03:20Thanks again, Tim Burton.
03:22Poseidon?
03:23Why?
03:24Psycho.
03:25Plagiarism in Vince Vaughn.
03:27School for scoundrels?
03:28If you can stand John Heeters acting in Billy Bob Thornton's typecast role, then maybe.
03:32When a Stranger Calls?
03:33No.
03:34The Wicker Man?
03:35Two words.
03:36Nicolas Cage.
03:37The Producers?
03:38You can't fucking replicate Gene Wilder.
03:41And I could go on and on and on with more examples of this nonsense.
03:45The scary trend is most of these movies were made very recently, and I'm sure some of you
03:49have already seen these movies.
03:51They cannot hold a candle to the original movies that actually either became classics
03:54or box office hits, as the newer versions are either decried by critics or ignored by
03:58some people.
03:59Though I'm sure most of the audience thought they were terrific.
04:02I swear, it's both today's audience and the soulless entities of Hollywood that are continuing
04:06this problem.
04:07You audience members have horribly lowered your expectations about what a good movie
04:11is.
04:12That's why we continuously see more movies from Seltzer and Friedberg.
04:15You guys hate their movies?
04:16Don't see them!
04:17Simple as that.
04:18The same could be said for remakes.
04:19If the directors wished to shit on classic movies and remake them for the sole purpose
04:23of alienating the audience, then don't see the movie.
04:26I haven't seen most of these movies until they came out on DVD, and even then I didn't
04:29even want to see them unless they occasionally appeared on TV.
04:33That's because I don't want these idiots stealing my money because of their crappy interpretations
04:36of older movies.
04:38Remember how Don Bluth did an animated remake of Anastasia?
04:40Yeah, neither did I.
04:42Because the movie was stupid.
04:43And what movie version of the Broadway musical Annie do you remember?
04:46The classic 1982 version, or the newer 1999 version that I never heard about?
04:51And what about the abortion known as the remade Bad News Bears?
04:54I saw the original with Walter Matthau, and the movie was insanely good.
04:57I liked the irreverence of the children and the pitiful, slovenly nature of the coach
05:01played by Matthau.
05:02What about the recent Clash of the Titans movie that was remade from the 1981 version?
05:05Well, it went over like 500 and Beowulf did, only remembered from one line and one line
05:10only.
05:11Did I say 500?
05:12I meant 300.
05:13I'm sorry.
05:14Do I really need to say it?
05:15And let's not forget the day the Earth stood still.
05:18Two words.
05:19Keanu Reeves.
05:20The movie was horrid.
05:22And this is just the tip of the iceberg.
05:24There are plenty more examples of this backwards tradition of remaking older, better organized
05:28and more classic movies and turning them into watered down, disgusting, maggot infested
05:32pieces of diarrhea encrusted tripe.
05:34It's goddamn unacceptable.
05:35And I'm sure this is going to continue.
05:37They'll probably remake 2001 A Space Odyssey and make Stanley Kubrick do a gymnastics routine
05:42in his grave.
05:43And then they'll move on to Raiders of the Lost Ark or The Wizard of Oz or...
05:46I don't even know because I can't even comprehend the ineptitude of Hollywood and how it vastly
05:50alienated us in recent years.
05:52I swear, if Hollywood can't get a grip on itself and its uncreativity, then the audience
05:57members will finally wake up and actually begin to stop watching the nonsensical drivel
06:01that is being ejected from Hollywood on a yearly basis only to demonstrate how crap
06:05they really are today.
06:07Remakes are only becoming more commonplace today and that pisses me off to absolutely
06:11no end.
06:12The older movies need to remain untouched.
06:14There are some things about it that cannot be replicated.
06:16You can't get any three idiots in the street and force them to replicate the Three Stooges.
06:20Therefore you can't let any stupid-ass director to remake a movie based on a... by a classic
06:25director with a classic cast.
06:27You simply can't.
06:28It goes against logic.
06:30Hollywood has lost its mind.
06:31For God's sake, enough with the fucking remakes and actually make something that's original
06:35for the audience and for us.
06:38We are tired of this nonsense.
06:41Anyway, that's all I pretty much have to say about this madness.
06:45This is YoungbloodFantasy91, and ladies and gentlemen, I'll see you next time.
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