00:00It's a very sad feeling for the mothers.
00:03We'll talk about it this morning, but before that, let's watch this first.
00:08Being a mother has a huge responsibility, dedication, and love.
00:15But despite all of these, they can't help but experience the pain of lack,
00:21or what we call, mom guilt.
00:24Mom guilt is like a demon that always follows them
00:28and makes them feel that being a mother is not enough.
00:32It's also a complicated feeling that can be caused by small things,
00:37like having personal time,
00:40up to big decisions,
00:42like choosing to work,
00:44or staying at home to take care of their family.
00:48So let's find out what mom guilt is,
00:51and how to avoid it here at ZanyDoc.
00:55And to explain to us what mom guilt is,
00:58we'll listen to the psychiatrist, Dr. Joanne Mae Perez-Eriferial.
01:02Good morning and welcome to Rise and Shine Philippines, Dr. Joanne.
01:07Hello, good morning, Ma'am Diane and Sir Audrey,
01:10and to all the viewers of Rise and Shine Philippines,
01:13good morning to everyone.
01:14Dr. Joanne, welcome back to Rise and Shine Philippines.
01:18Doc, when you say mom guilt,
01:21what are the manifestations of having a mother like this?
01:27Yes, Ma'am Diane.
01:28Mom guilt is the feelings, emotions of mothers.
01:33We know that parenting is a complex task.
01:37For a mother, they have a lot of roles to play,
01:41not just as a parent, but they also have other roles.
01:45So this guilt, I feel,
01:49is a feeling of lack.
01:51They feel that they are not doing their duties
01:57for their children as a mother.
01:59They feel that for them,
02:01this extreme feeling is like a failure.
02:05They are not good enough.
02:06They are not doing well.
02:07It is also based on the expectations of being a mother
02:11placed by society.
02:13There are societal pressures,
02:15to be the best parent,
02:17or to be the perfect mother for their children.
02:21That is why there is a feeling
02:23that their efforts are not enough.
02:26There is a lack.
02:27There is a failure.
02:29Or they are not meeting the expectations
02:32as a mother.
02:34Doc, do you have any signs or symptoms
02:37that should be monitored by a mother?
02:40Yes, Ma'am.
02:41Do you have any signs or symptoms
02:43that should be monitored by a mother
02:45who is showing a feeling of mom guilt?
02:50Yes, Sir Audrey.
02:51We need to monitor
02:53if we are already affected
02:55in our daily routines in life.
02:59Especially in our role as a mom.
03:01As mentioned earlier,
03:03parenting is very complex.
03:05Sometimes, they are afraid.
03:07They worry about the future of their children.
03:11Especially if they feel that
03:13they will not be given enough attention.
03:17Especially if they have a job
03:20or other responsibilities.
03:24Sometimes, there are mood swings.
03:27Mood shifts.
03:28There is stress.
03:30For example,
03:32anger management issues or concerns.
03:36Frustration.
03:38They are confused about what to do first.
03:40Should I give priority to my child?
03:42Should I give priority to my job?
03:44That's why they feel guilt.
03:46They feel overwhelmed
03:48with the tasks they have to do
03:50given their multiple roles in life.
03:52So, as a mother,
03:54you really want the best
03:56for your child.
03:58But I feel that
04:00it's not normal
04:02for a mother.
04:04You feel that you want to give
04:06everything to your child.
04:08It's like overthinking.
04:10Isn't it overthinking, Dr. John?
04:12Yes.
04:14When can you say
04:16that it's not healthy
04:18for a mother?
04:20Healthy.
04:22Yes.
04:24We should know,
04:26Ma'am Diana and Sir Audrina,
04:28these emotions are normal.
04:30It's normal.
04:32We should acknowledge
04:34this type of stress.
04:36It's like we're overthinking
04:38and we're thinking,
04:40sometimes we reach a point
04:42where we blame ourselves.
04:44Those are the extremes
04:46that are not so healthy anymore.
04:48When we reach a point
04:50where our relationships
04:52with our children
04:54with our co-workers,
04:56with our spouse,
04:58with our own family,
05:00those are the advantages
05:02when it becomes unhealthy already
05:05in our relationships,
05:07in our work performance,
05:09in our income,
05:11in our work.
05:13And if this is extreme
05:15to the point that we resort
05:17to unhealthy coping
05:19strategy to manage
05:21our stress
05:23from the multiple roles
05:25as a parent.
05:27We know that, Ma'am Diana,
05:29parenting is very complex.
05:31The journey of motherhood
05:33can be very challenging.
05:35Especially in the studies,
05:37Ma'am Diana and Sir Audrey,
05:39what they see as more at risk
05:41to feel this guilt,
05:43is the new parents.
05:45Because they still feel
05:47that they still need
05:49support
05:51on how to navigate
05:53their new journey.
05:55What we also emphasize is
05:57one possible cause
05:59for the guilt
06:01is the lack of support system
06:03available for the mom
06:05who can give that extra
06:07support,
06:09especially if it's at work
06:11or if there are other things
06:13to do.
06:15Usually, we rely on support
06:17from our colleagues, family, friends,
06:19extended family members
06:21who can help us
06:23to adjust
06:25and adapt through our journey
06:27through motherhood.
06:30For the mothers
06:32who have their children
06:34in their teenage years
06:36and sometimes there are misunderstandings,
06:38their children
06:40are fighting
06:42their children.
06:44Does this have
06:46an impact and effect?
06:48Is this deeper?
06:50Yes, that's right, Sir Audrey.
06:52In fact, one of the reasons
06:54why there is a mom guilt
06:56is because they have a feeling
06:58that the behavior
07:00or characteristics
07:02or personalities
07:04of their children
07:06can be a reflection on them.
07:08A reflection on their upbringing.
07:10Sometimes, there are what-ifs
07:12like,
07:14I was like this as a mother
07:16when they were young.
07:18Should I be more lenient?
07:20Should I be more disciplinary?
07:22Sometimes, there are what-ifs
07:24that they blame themselves.
07:26They have a feeling that
07:28this is my fault.
07:30These are the extremes.
07:32There's blaming,
07:34what-ifs,
07:36because they feel that it's a reflection
07:38on their
07:40personality
07:42of their children
07:44in their upbringing.
07:46Our reminder also is
07:48never blame yourselves.
07:50Of course, there are many factors
07:52involved in
07:55our roles
07:57as parents,
07:59as moms of our children.
08:01We really need to
08:03make sure that
08:05they also protect themselves
08:07as mothers.
08:09They shouldn't be stressed.
08:11They shouldn't feel that
08:13they should be blamed
08:15solely
08:17for whatever happens
08:19to their children later on in life.
08:21When a mother feels
08:23guilt,
08:25what is the right approach?
08:27What can she do
08:29to get rid of this feeling?
08:33Number one is acknowledge.
08:35We should acknowledge
08:37as mothers that
08:39we feel tired,
08:41stressed, overwhelmed,
08:43frustrated sometimes.
08:45Sometimes, we get confused
08:47on what to do first.
08:49We need to acknowledge
08:51because without acknowledgement
08:53of our feelings, frustrations, etc.,
08:55we will look for
08:57the root causes
08:59of our stress.
09:01Why are we overwhelmed?
09:03Why are we feeling guilty?
09:05Let's look for
09:07the sources
09:09of our stress.
09:11Number two is make sure
09:13that we protect ourselves.
09:15As mothers,
09:17we can't give our best
09:19if we are running low
09:21on battery.
09:23We are not taking care of ourselves.
09:25As mothers, we need to take care of ourselves.
09:27Physically, get enough rest,
09:29sleep, and remember
09:31that no one is perfect.
09:33Of course, we all have
09:35different timelines
09:37and personality types.
09:39No one is perfect, but know
09:41that you are doing your best always.
09:43Get support. Support is very important.
09:45Never compare.
09:48Sometimes, ma'am Dianne, sir Audrey,
09:50mothers feel guilt
09:52especially with the advent
09:54of social media.
09:56Sometimes, we compare
09:58what my husband is doing.
10:00I can't do this
10:02in my current state.
10:04Never compare and be grateful
10:06for what we have now.
10:08Blessings
10:10and support systems
10:12that we can impart
10:14to our values
10:16and to our children
10:18on how to stay strong
10:20and focus on healthy
10:22coping strategies
10:24so that we go through
10:26the journey
10:28of motherhood smoothly.
10:30Again, it's a process.
10:32It's not overnight.
10:34It's like magic. We all know
10:36what to do, but always ask
10:38for help because it's not a
10:40reduction of our motherhood
10:42when we ask for help or support system
10:44such as mom groups
10:46or support groups for moms.
10:48We can also pick up tips
10:50on how to navigate motherhood.
10:52Okay, doctor.
10:54For those who are watching
10:56their children
10:58and their spouses,
11:00if they notice that their mother
11:02has a mom guilt,
11:04as a support group,
11:06what can a child and a spouse
11:08do?
11:10Yes.
11:13What's important here, Sir Audrey,
11:15is open lines of communication
11:17with the spouse.
11:19I'm from open lines of communication
11:21also with the kids.
11:23It's better if we think
11:25that the mother is having a hard time
11:27because of the many roles
11:29that she has in her life.
11:31We also show our support
11:33by reassuring.
11:35It's good to hear
11:37from a mother
11:39that she can reassure that
11:41it's a great job
11:43from the spouse
11:45that you are doing your best
11:47and no one is perfect.
11:49We are here to support you.
11:51If the mother has tasks
11:53that she can't do because of her
11:55multiple roles,
11:57we help her.
11:59If she needs to take over
12:01the household chores,
12:03if the kids can take over
12:05the household chores
12:07to reduce the work
12:09that the mother needs to do,
12:11especially if it's from work.
12:13If she needs to wash, cook,
12:15clean the house,
12:17the partner
12:19or the spouse
12:21can divide the tasks.
12:23It's better to share
12:25the load of your mom
12:27if possible.
12:29We call it divide and conquer.
12:31It's for all of us.
12:33After that,
12:35if the tasks are done,
12:38it's a quality time together.
12:40Don't blame yourself
12:42even if it's just a few hours
12:44because you need to work
12:46or you need to do other errands
12:48for your family or community.
12:50It's not about
12:52the quantity
12:54because sometimes,
12:56even if it's a long time,
12:58we spend it with our kids.
13:00We get distracted with a lot of things
13:02like gadgets.
13:04It's better to
13:06have a quality time
13:08spent with our family.
13:10Even if it's just a few hours,
13:12it enhances
13:14our emotional connectedness.
13:16Be mindful
13:18and stay present
13:20in our time spent with our kids
13:22and with our partners
13:24and in everything we do.
13:26Lastly,
13:28you have an upcoming
13:30mid-year convention.
13:32Invite our KRSP
13:34to register.
13:36Yes, I'm inviting
13:38the members of the Philippine Psychiatric Association
13:40to register
13:42for our mid-year convention.
13:44It will be held
13:46on July 23-25
13:48in Pampanga.
13:50Our theme for this year
13:52is the interplay of psychiatry
13:54and clinical neurosciences.
13:56To my fellow
13:58Philippine Psychiatric Association
14:00members,
14:02I hope to see you all there.
14:04Please register now.
14:06Thank you, RSP,
14:08Ma'am Diane, and Sir Audrey.
14:10Thank you very much.
14:12Thank you for giving us
14:14a lot of information about
14:16Ma'am Guilt, Dr. Joan May Perez-Refarial,
14:18a psychiatrist.
14:20Thank you again, Doc.
14:22Happy Mother's Day
14:24in advance to all mothers.
14:26Know that you are doing
14:28your best efforts,
14:30never feel that you are alone.
14:32Help is always available.
14:34Support is always available.
14:36You don't need to be perfect.
14:38No one is perfect.
14:40I salute
14:42all mothers.
14:44We agree with you, Dr. Joan.
14:46Thank you again.
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