00:00 - Who likes to see an impression of themselves?
00:02 [laughs]
00:03 - It's like you can't just go around calling people fat.
00:06 - I wish I was still that animated.
00:08 I'd get rid of this [beep] COVID weight.
00:10 Hey, Vanity Fair peoples, I'm Bill Burr.
00:13 And today I'm going to be watching people
00:15 doing impressions of me.
00:16 - It's glued to the back of his head.
00:18 [yells]
00:20 - It's early Bill Burr.
00:21 - You do these easy impressions.
00:23 You know, you do your thing.
00:25 You do 'em easy.
00:27 You know, they're easy to do.
00:28 It's not hard, you know.
00:30 Do somebody else.
00:31 Somebody hard.
00:33 Somebody from Boston.
00:34 You know?
00:35 Do Burr.
00:37 - It's too much New York in that one.
00:40 [laughs]
00:42 No, he's got the cadence, but he still has the, oh.
00:46 - They're easy to do.
00:47 - Now I gotta like shit on another comedian.
00:49 You know, it's better than I could do an impression of him.
00:51 How about that?
00:52 That impression is me if I grew up in like New York,
00:55 like Queens or something.
00:57 Like, "Hey, hey, fucking, standing here."
01:00 Yeah, they got a little bit of that.
01:02 Jay should get on with his life.
01:04 There's no money in him doing an impression of me.
01:06 I would move on to Ben Affleck
01:08 or somebody a little better known.
01:10 - Okay, shut the fuck up.
01:12 Sit down, okay, all right.
01:15 All right, look.
01:16 Okay, all right, look.
01:17 All right, you know, I'm not trying to be a dick, okay?
01:19 Okay, hang, hang, hang, dinner.
01:21 Hang on, hang on, hang on.
01:23 [laughs]
01:24 It's too fucking expensive to live here, you know?
01:26 Everyone wants to live off,
01:27 "Oh, I wanna live off the L train," you know?
01:29 - Wow, that guy takes it, man.
01:30 That was amazing.
01:31 I tell you what, it's weirding me out,
01:33 people with hair doing it, and they're skinny and shit.
01:35 And I feel like I'm watching one of my old VHS tapes.
01:38 That guy is amazing.
01:39 - I feel like in five years,
01:40 the L train's just gonna go cross country, you know?
01:42 Just so people can sit and they live,
01:43 "Yeah, I live off the L train.
01:44 "I'm off the Wilmington, Delaware stuff."
01:47 [audience laughs]
01:48 Oh, it's brutal, it's fucking brutal!
01:50 - Yeah, he had the whole thing.
01:52 He's doing me in like 2004, 2007.
01:55 I think I used to own that shirt.
01:57 Me did the whole thing.
01:58 I used to have it unbuttoned a little more,
02:00 back when I was single, you know,
02:02 trying to attract people with my alabaster-freckled chest.
02:05 [laughs]
02:07 That didn't work out for me.
02:08 No, that was amazing.
02:09 Very talented.
02:10 I don't ever wanna see those again.
02:12 I don't wanna be in my head about what it is that I,
02:14 I know I lean on the mic stand.
02:16 What I'm doing is working for me.
02:17 I don't need these people to be pulling it apart, you know?
02:19 Take one thread out and then that's it.
02:21 Then all of a sudden I care about people, right?
02:24 - Invitations the best form of flattery, no?
02:26 - No.
02:27 Depends on how it's done.
02:29 None of these impressions so far have me depicted
02:31 as particularly intelligent, I can tell you that.
02:33 [laughs]
02:34 It's me, ah, ah, eh, ah, what the fuck, ah.
02:38 The Republicans are all like,
02:39 how did 81 million people vote for Biden?
02:42 It's like they didn't vote for Biden, all right?
02:45 They voted against Trump.
02:46 Yeah, it's like they hated him, you know?
02:48 Yeah, it's like they hated him
02:49 more than like a child molester, you know?
02:51 It's kind of, never seen anything like it, you know?
02:53 Then you ask him why, you're like, why do you hate Trump?
02:55 It's like, ah, somebody told me
02:57 that he called Rocio Donald fat.
03:00 [laughs]
03:02 Yeah, that's fantastic.
03:03 These people, they're doing a really good job.
03:05 I just was watching the man you're,
03:07 it was really just, this guy and the last guy,
03:09 they just, I started remembering gigs
03:12 where I recorded myself and would go back,
03:15 'cause you know, making a tape,
03:16 trying to get like a agent or something like that.
03:19 And during this period of my career,
03:22 I couldn't watch myself.
03:24 I'm like, what am I doing?
03:25 Why am I moving around like that?
03:27 That, what he's doing there,
03:28 that was all like nervous energy,
03:31 frustration with where my career was at
03:33 and all of this other stuff, so yeah.
03:35 Wow.
03:36 These are all like Bill Burr fine wine.
03:38 That's a Bill Burr 2004 right there.
03:42 Oh God, you know, you saying all these kind things to me
03:46 and now I gotta be nice to you.
03:49 That's a high pitch, like a soprano.
03:51 It's because it's early Bill Burr.
03:54 It's early Bill Burr.
03:56 You gotta know.
03:57 It's really good.
03:58 You gotta know.
03:59 Yeah, that must've been really, really,
04:02 really, really early on.
04:04 Yeah, Marina's been breaking my balls for years, so.
04:07 That was actually a lot nicer
04:08 than I thought it was gonna be.
04:09 I would add a little hopelessness,
04:13 but the euphoria that comes when you just don't care.
04:17 When the hell did we meet?
04:18 Like '99, 2000.
04:20 So I think that just got burned into her brain, so.
04:23 This is like wild.
04:24 It's like watching my, like I said, my old standup tapes,
04:27 which I don't do, but like if I were to do that,
04:30 these are all very good.
04:31 Marina did a great job.
04:32 Oh dude, fucking this guy, Jay Pharoah.
04:35 Love that guy.
04:36 (laughing)
04:38 Fucking guy.
04:39 Pharoah.
04:40 Fucking Pharoah.
04:41 His fucking beanie's hanging off his head.
04:43 Like he's the fucking summer winter for this guy.
04:45 How the fuck does this stay on?
04:47 Yeah, yeah.
04:48 The fuck, is it glue?
04:49 Is it Gorilla Glue?
04:50 What's he doing?
04:51 It's glue.
04:52 It's glue.
04:52 It's glue to the back of his head.
04:54 (laughing)
04:55 Well, I mean, with the face swap, that was pretty wild.
04:59 Yeah, I mean, that was pretty good, you know.
05:01 I have a choppy cadence, I guess.
05:04 Summer winter for this guy.
05:05 This is why I didn't want to do this shit,
05:06 'cause I don't want to know what it is that I do.
05:08 I mean, I think that was the clean version of it.
05:10 That sounded like young me,
05:11 as opposed to beaten down by life that you now see,
05:15 which is why I'm wearing my happy blue sweater
05:17 to try to offset where I am mentally right now.
05:19 I mean, I don't really listen to myself.
05:21 It's not like I watch.
05:23 I think, no, it sounded good to me, I think.
05:28 I mean, I was too weirded out by the fact
05:30 that my face was on his face.
05:31 Yeah, and I was like, I used to have hair.
05:33 Oh shit, is he my AI replacement?
05:35 (laughing)
05:37 AI Andrew Santino is gonna come kill me one night.
05:40 The Illuminati liked you better when you had hair.
05:43 And then that'll be the end of me.
05:44 But that'll be good,
05:45 'cause I won't have to go to LAX anymore.
05:46 Fantastic.
05:47 I'm gonna leave my doors unlocked tonight.
05:49 Get off of it.
05:50 Bro, nobody gives a fuck.
05:52 This is podcast me.
05:53 Fucking cordyceps on me, I barely eat mushrooms as is.
05:56 There you go.
05:57 See, now that makes me feel like he listens to my podcast.
06:00 I mean, you wanna talk on a podcast
06:02 about something else,
06:02 and everybody's just losing their mind.
06:05 Yeah, that was a good one.
06:07 Well, he did say talk,
06:08 so he got a little New York in there.
06:09 I got a lot of New York guys doing impressions of me.
06:11 That's pretty cool.
06:12 What I liked about this one is I feel like
06:15 he was doing not me doing standup.
06:17 He was doing the podcast,
06:19 where it's just more like you're hanging out,
06:21 and I'm just like talking and you're listening
06:22 for whatever reason,
06:23 getting through your cardio,
06:24 or some awful Southwest flight,
06:26 whatever the hell it is you're doing.
06:27 That's almost cigar,
06:29 smoking a cigar with me.
06:30 I slouched down the seat like that,
06:32 and I'm like, "Hey, that's all bullshit.
06:33 "All these fucking people out here,
06:35 "what are you gonna do?"
06:36 [laughs]
06:37 Acting like I'm saying something when I'm not.
06:39 Yeah, that was a great one.
06:40 I thought this was gonna be a lot more painful.
06:42 I'm enjoying this.
06:43 I was just like, you know,
06:44 thought the self-loathing was gonna come up.
06:46 But they're actually, these are really funny.
06:48 - This is your whole act.
06:50 Albert Einstein's a genius.
06:51 What do you think, Bill?
06:52 [grunts]
06:53 Is he?
06:54 Is he?
06:55 Really?
06:56 He couldn't even get a decent haircut.
06:57 What's that?
06:59 His mustache, he couldn't trim it.
07:01 The guy who had the AD,
07:02 he was just, you know,
07:03 how'd you come up with this stuff, Albert?
07:05 - Ah, that's one of my favorite people
07:07 I have met since I got in this business.
07:10 I love John Lovitz.
07:11 He's old school, old school guy.
07:13 Like, I can't argue anything
07:15 that he's saying about my act.
07:16 There weren't so many assholes in the world.
07:18 What would be a great show
07:19 would be our phone conversations
07:21 and our text messages,
07:22 because that podcast,
07:24 which I highly recommend you check out,
07:26 'cause John was on fire that day trashing me,
07:28 is nowhere near what we do on the phone.
07:30 - He likes John's impression of you.
07:33 Is that your favorite?
07:33 - I can't pick favorites here.
07:35 I gotta run into all these people down at the club.
07:36 You're gonna create all this drama.
07:38 I liked, for different reasons,
07:40 I loved John because, you know,
07:43 he just, he gets like right to it.
07:44 He's like a surgeon.
07:45 He just goes right for the nerve.
07:47 So I like him 'cause he was being funny,
07:49 but he's also really trying to trash me.
07:50 So he's also a legend.
07:52 So I love that one.
07:54 I love Marina's 'cause I know her
07:55 from way back in the day.
07:57 Andrew Santino's as far as creepy factor
07:59 with the face swap was incredible.
08:01 The one kid who came out with the shirt.
08:04 I mean, I liked them all.
08:05 They were really good.
08:06 I'm flattered that people that funny
08:09 have listened to me enough,
08:10 taken the time to listen to whatever it is I'm doing
08:12 that they can do an impression.
08:14 All right, I just wanna thank all the amazing comedians
08:17 that took time out of their busy schedules
08:19 to do an impression of me.
08:20 I'm very flattered.
08:21 You all did a great job.
08:22 And now I hate myself even more.
08:24 Thank you.
08:25 Thank you, Vanity Fair.
08:27 I wore a sweater for you guys
08:29 to feel even worse about myself.
08:30 (upbeat music)
08:33 [BLANK_AUDIO]
