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Reading Corporate Christmas Cards 2023
Australian Community Media
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12/21/2023
Resident buffoon and Christmas correspondent, Ash Walmsley, reads through some of the corporate Christmas cards to have come across his desk this year. Of course, take them with a grain of salt...
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00:00
You know we get a lot of corporate Christmas cards sent to us here, so I thought I'd just share a few of them with you today.
00:06
Who's this from? From Optus.
00:09
Just sort of cuts out halfway actually.
00:13
Usually we get one from the Brisbane Broncos and from the Brisbane Lions, but they
00:20
must have just both lost it.
00:25
Here's one from Netflix. Actually, I would share this with you, but you'd need your own account.
00:30
A card here from beekeepers New South Wales.
00:35
I do actually have to burn this after I've read it, but I will be compensated eventually.
00:43
In fact, we just better burn all of these cards just to be sure of it, I think.
00:48
From Elon Musk who has
00:52
renamed the international holiday formerly known as Christmas into
00:57
Xmas.
01:00
We usually get one from the Matildas soccer team, but
01:14
just didn't quite make it, I think.
01:18
It's a very bashed up card here.
01:21
It's from the Qantas baggage handlers.
01:24
That's one from Qantas themselves. It says this Christmas greeting has actually been cancelled.
01:30
Please make alternative arrangements by seeing a member at our service desk.
01:34
Here's one from Apple.
01:38
I was going to read it. It's just started to do an update though, so we
01:43
will just have to wait for that one.
01:50
No, it's reset.
01:52
Here's another one from beekeepers New South Wales. It turns out we didn't actually need to burn all those cards before.
02:01
Get it? He renamed Twitter X.
02:15
From the BOM, sorry Bureau of Meteorology.
02:19
Just wishing you a best of Christmas greetings,
02:23
particularly as we enter this dry dry season due to the impending El Niño
02:29
Mayor.
02:32
I can't read the rest of it. It's sort of water damage from going through all the flooding and rain it's taken to get here.
02:42
From the Australian Electoral Commission.
02:44
Please tick the Christmas greeting that you least do not disagree with the most.
02:51
From the Reserve Bank. Just saying that they have put their Christmas greetings on hold for now.
03:01
It's not even Tuesday.
03:05
One from the Australian one-day cricket side.
03:11
Oof.
03:12
Bit of a shambles at the start there, but it improves.
03:16
Yeah, okay. I can read that by the end of it. It gets pretty good, pretty tight really.
03:21
No complimentary sandpaper like a few years ago.
03:27
One from John Farnham.
03:31
This card seems to have been around a few times actually, but he's just sending it out one more time.
03:40
This one is from the Australian beef industry.
03:43
Yes, it's certainly a little bit leaner than other years and no
03:49
gift card either.
03:52
It's not Twitter-mas.
03:54
From Taylor Swift.
04:02
Okay, so yeah pretty
04:06
much the same greeting as always just with a bit more glitter.
04:10
Oh, and you can actually pay to go read this Christmas greeting at a cinema if you'd like.
04:16
This is from Prince Charles. Sorry King Charles. They've just scribbled over the Prince bit.
04:23
They budget I suppose and just handwritten King
04:27
in there.
04:29
Oh, this will be interesting. This is from ChatGPT.
04:33
It says "Have a Merry Christmas".
04:37
It's like a human has written that.
04:41
What an age to be alive.
04:43
This is from the makers of the Barbie movie.
04:53
Oh, oh gee that's
04:57
that's a lot of pink.
05:02
Oh, I'm feeling nauseous.
05:04
From Anthony Albanese. Wow, look at that. 14 different international post stamps on there.
05:21
Elbow says
05:26
"Yes, happy Christmas in the interest of doing things better and striving for a renewed focus of wholesomeness,
05:33
doing things unlike they've ever been done in Parliament,
05:36
forging new pathways,
05:38
breaking the mould, thinking outside the box. He presents this Christmas greeting.
05:43
Merry Christmas."
05:45
This is from Peter Dutton.
05:50
It just says "No".
05:54
This is from Bono of U2.
05:58
It's just collapsed.
06:01
Is that
06:03
Is that meant to happen? It's not getting up.
06:05
What's going to happen now?
06:08
Is it just
06:11
What happens? Oh, it's come good.
06:13
It's just part of the show.
06:15
Bono.
06:19
[POP]
06:21
[POP]
06:24
[GASP]
06:26
This one is from the Murray Darling Basin Authority.
06:31
Which, oh no, it says it's delayed
06:34
delivering the Christmas greeting.
06:37
Oh no it hasn't. It's going to deliver them.
06:39
No, no, no, it's delayed.
06:41
Yes, going to deliver on time and under budget.
06:44
No, no, pause that.
06:46
It's coming back. Yes, it is now.
06:48
It's going, no, actually
06:50
it says it at the end, just hold off.
06:52
This is from the producers of the Fast and the Furious movie series.
06:59
It's an audio card.
07:02
"Febly, Febly, Febly, Febly, Febly, Febly."
07:14
It's about as extensive as the dialogue got, really.
07:17
So that's it for our corporate Christmas cards.
07:20
Thank you very much for watching.
07:22
And of course every viewer will get a free plum pudding
07:25
that we've pre-ordered from Sarah Lee.
07:27
So that's something to look forward to.
07:29
Have a very happy Christmas.
07:31
Xmas!
07:37
[music]
07:39
(upbeat music)
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