Reading Corporate Christmas Cards 2023

Australian Community Media

Resident buffoon and Christmas correspondent, Ash Walmsley, reads through some of the corporate Christmas cards to have come across his desk this year. Of course, take them with a grain of salt...

Transcript

00:00 You know we get a lot of corporate Christmas cards sent to us here, so I thought I'd just share a few of them with you today.

00:06 Who's this from? From Optus.

00:09 Just sort of cuts out halfway actually.

00:13 Usually we get one from the Brisbane Broncos and from the Brisbane Lions, but they

00:20 must have just both lost it.

00:25 Here's one from Netflix. Actually, I would share this with you, but you'd need your own account.

00:30 A card here from beekeepers New South Wales.

00:35 I do actually have to burn this after I've read it, but I will be compensated eventually.

00:43 In fact, we just better burn all of these cards just to be sure of it, I think.

00:48 From Elon Musk who has

00:52 renamed the international holiday formerly known as Christmas into

00:57 Xmas.

01:00 We usually get one from the Matildas soccer team, but

01:14 just didn't quite make it, I think.

01:18 It's a very bashed up card here.

01:21 It's from the Qantas baggage handlers.

01:24 That's one from Qantas themselves. It says this Christmas greeting has actually been cancelled.

01:30 Please make alternative arrangements by seeing a member at our service desk.

01:34 Here's one from Apple.

01:38 I was going to read it. It's just started to do an update though, so we

01:43 will just have to wait for that one.

01:50 No, it's reset.

01:52 Here's another one from beekeepers New South Wales. It turns out we didn't actually need to burn all those cards before.

02:01 Get it? He renamed Twitter X.

02:15 From the BOM, sorry Bureau of Meteorology.

02:19 Just wishing you a best of Christmas greetings,

02:23 particularly as we enter this dry dry season due to the impending El Niño

02:29 Mayor.

02:32 I can't read the rest of it. It's sort of water damage from going through all the flooding and rain it's taken to get here.

02:42 From the Australian Electoral Commission.

02:44 Please tick the Christmas greeting that you least do not disagree with the most.

02:51 From the Reserve Bank. Just saying that they have put their Christmas greetings on hold for now.

03:01 It's not even Tuesday.

03:05 One from the Australian one-day cricket side.

03:11 Oof.

03:12 Bit of a shambles at the start there, but it improves.

03:16 Yeah, okay. I can read that by the end of it. It gets pretty good, pretty tight really.

03:21 No complimentary sandpaper like a few years ago.

03:27 One from John Farnham.

03:31 This card seems to have been around a few times actually, but he's just sending it out one more time.

03:40 This one is from the Australian beef industry.

03:43 Yes, it's certainly a little bit leaner than other years and no

03:49 gift card either.

03:52 It's not Twitter-mas.

03:54 From Taylor Swift.

04:02 Okay, so yeah pretty

04:06 much the same greeting as always just with a bit more glitter.

04:10 Oh, and you can actually pay to go read this Christmas greeting at a cinema if you'd like.

04:16 This is from Prince Charles. Sorry King Charles. They've just scribbled over the Prince bit.

04:23 They budget I suppose and just handwritten King

04:27 in there.

04:29 Oh, this will be interesting. This is from ChatGPT.

04:33 It says "Have a Merry Christmas".

04:37 It's like a human has written that.

04:41 What an age to be alive.

04:43 This is from the makers of the Barbie movie.

04:53 Oh, oh gee that's

04:57 that's a lot of pink.

05:02 Oh, I'm feeling nauseous.

05:04 From Anthony Albanese. Wow, look at that. 14 different international post stamps on there.

05:21 Elbow says

05:26 "Yes, happy Christmas in the interest of doing things better and striving for a renewed focus of wholesomeness,

05:33 doing things unlike they've ever been done in Parliament,

05:36 forging new pathways,

05:38 breaking the mould, thinking outside the box. He presents this Christmas greeting.

05:43 Merry Christmas."

05:45 This is from Peter Dutton.

05:50 It just says "No".

05:54 This is from Bono of U2.

05:58 It's just collapsed.

06:01 Is that

06:03 Is that meant to happen? It's not getting up.

06:05 What's going to happen now?

06:08 Is it just

06:11 What happens? Oh, it's come good.

06:13 It's just part of the show.

06:15 Bono.

06:19 [POP]

06:21 [POP]

06:24 [GASP]

06:26 This one is from the Murray Darling Basin Authority.

06:31 Which, oh no, it says it's delayed

06:34 delivering the Christmas greeting.

06:37 Oh no it hasn't. It's going to deliver them.

06:39 No, no, no, it's delayed.

06:41 Yes, going to deliver on time and under budget.

06:44 No, no, pause that.

06:46 It's coming back. Yes, it is now.

06:48 It's going, no, actually

06:50 it says it at the end, just hold off.

06:52 This is from the producers of the Fast and the Furious movie series.

06:59 It's an audio card.

07:02 "Febly, Febly, Febly, Febly, Febly, Febly."

07:14 It's about as extensive as the dialogue got, really.

07:17 So that's it for our corporate Christmas cards.

07:20 Thank you very much for watching.

07:22 And of course every viewer will get a free plum pudding

07:25 that we've pre-ordered from Sarah Lee.

07:27 So that's something to look forward to.

07:29 Have a very happy Christmas.

07:31 Xmas!

07:37 [music]

07:39 (upbeat music)

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