00:00 [WHISTLE BLOWS]
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00:03 Right, finally leading the line.
00:11 I said before that Fred the Red might be the most iconic
00:14 Emily Nussbaum.
00:15 I think I might have misspoke, to be honest with you, Matt,
00:17 because I forgot about Gunnarsaurus Rex.
00:20 I mean, he's the man, isn't he?
00:22 There's nothing that this boy can't do.
00:24 Standing, as far as I'm aware, about 17 foot tall
00:28 with that long neck, I think he'd be just the perfect,
00:31 perfect target man for this side.
00:32 He's-- you know, he's just--
00:37 he's got it.
00:38 I don't know what it is, but Gunnarsaurus has it.
00:40 He's so intrinsic to the identity
00:44 of Arsenal in the 21st century.
00:45 He's so iconic.
00:47 He's so iconic that during COVID,
00:49 when they tried to get rid of him,
00:51 Mesut Ortal offered to pay his wages just to keep him around.
00:55 How many other mascots can say that?
00:57 Do you think that anybody's caring if Bertie B goes missing?
01:01 Do you know what I mean?
01:02 I don't foresee anybody in that Burnley side
01:04 putting their hand in the back pocket
01:06 just to keep him around Turf Mill.
01:08 Like, Gunnarsaurus is--
01:11 he's a legend.
01:11 I'm going to say he's a legend.
01:12 You know, he's maybe not in the best shape.
01:14 He's got a bit of a potbelly going on.
01:16 Don't think it matters.
01:16 I think you just whack him up top, play the ball up to him,
01:19 play off him, let him bring it down.
01:23 Yeah, it's got to be Gunnarsaurus,
01:24 because could you imagine Neyman,
01:26 a fiver-side team of Premier League mascots,
01:28 and he wasn't in there?
01:29 It would be an absolute, absolute travesty.
01:34 Well, I can imagine it,
01:35 because I'm going to try and make it happen.
01:37 I'm going to point out one major disadvantage
01:39 of Gunnarsaurus Rex is that,
01:40 assuming he is meant to be a T-Rex,
01:42 or at least a distant dinosaur cousin of the T-Rex,
01:45 they famously have really tiny little arms.
01:48 And, you know, you need to be able to hold opposing defenders off,
01:51 especially in fiver-side, where everyone's super physical.
01:53 You need to be able to walk people off.
01:55 You need your arms for balance.
01:56 I'm not sure Gunnarsaurus Rex
01:57 has many of the physical attributes required.
01:59 I think the Rex is euphemistic,
02:01 because if you look at everything about him,
02:04 he's more, he's surely closer to something like a doberdorfus.
02:07 Like the neck,
02:08 the fact that he hasn't eaten any of the kids
02:10 who were mascots on a weekly basis,
02:13 he doesn't seem to have any carnivorous tendencies.
02:15 Presumably he's well-fed before they bring the mascots out.
02:18 They just make sure he isn't hungry.
02:19 Feed him a couple of gardens and he gets sick.
02:20 I don't think that.
02:21 I've seen Jurassic Park.
02:22 They're insatiable.
02:23 You can't just give them a couple of goats
02:25 and then assume they're not going to eat a seven-year-old.
02:29 I think the Rex is purely there just to signify
02:32 that he's absolutely, he's a dinosaur.
02:35 And I think it's just shorthand for that.
02:38 - Well, in the absence of an advanced paleontologist
02:42 on the panel here,
02:43 I'm going to put up against Gunnarsaurus Rex.
02:46 I'm going to put Chirpy the Cock
02:47 from Tottenham Hotspur's mascot up for consideration.
02:50 Again, mostly just so he can completely,
02:51 pointlessly turn this into a Derby thing
02:53 and set fans against each other while they watch this.
02:56 But there's two primary reasons
02:57 I think Chirpy the Cocker will be pretty handy.
02:59 The first of all is he is a bird.
03:03 Now that might not sound like a big thing in itself,
03:06 but as we do know from evolutionary science,
03:08 dinosaurs evolved into birds.
03:10 He is an advanced form of Gunnarsaurus Rex.
03:13 You start with a Gunnarsaurus Rex
03:15 over millions of years of evolution.
03:17 As we come to perfect the form, we arrive at a bird.
03:20 In this case, Chirpy the Cockerel.
03:22 And the second thing I'm going to sort of flag up,
03:25 I've got to be honest,
03:27 I'm actually struggling to come up with good reasons
03:28 because when you look at the costume,
03:30 it is not very well built for football.
03:32 He does have a tail, good for balance and all that,
03:34 but it's this giant bushy thing
03:35 which sprays out in all sorts of different directions.
03:37 He doesn't have hands.
03:38 He has actual wings, unlike Mighty Red.
03:40 They haven't really considered
03:41 how good he'd be at football in these situations.
03:43 Can fly, presumably.
03:44 Again, speed, pretty important up top.
03:47 You need someone to go through the lines.
03:48 There we go.
03:49 That's my second argument.
03:50 I've come up with one while I'm talking.
03:51 He's going to be a lot quicker than Gunnarsaurus,
03:53 who, let's face it, he's pretty bulky.
03:54 He's not getting anywhere.
03:56 But yeah, we've got 65 million years of evolution
03:59 on my side here,
04:00 so I'm not really seeing any argument for Gunnarsaurus.
04:02 - Put it this way, Matt, right?
04:04 You put any dinosaur in a wrestling ring with a sparrow
04:09 and tell me that that evolution has made them more effective
04:14 in any sort of physical contest.
04:18 - I reckon the sparrow would just fly around
04:20 the T-Rex's head and not be able to get to-
04:22 - It's Gunnarsaurus.
04:23 It's got to be Gunnarsaurus.
04:24 It's always been Gunnarsaurus and always will be.
04:26 - Okay, do you know what?
04:31 Just for the sake of harmony on this panel,
04:33 because we do have more episodes of this program
04:35 to report before we fall out forever,
04:37 I'm going to let you have this one,
04:38 but this is the last time.
04:40 (whistle blows)
04:41 (upbeat music)
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