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00:08 So next up, defensive enforcer, I've gone with West Ham's Hammerhead.
00:14 He's got a hammer for a head, what more do you need to know?
00:19 He's sort of somewhere between a Screwfix advert and the Terminator.
00:25 I was going to say hard as nails, there's no pun intended there, but he's literally hard as nails.
00:31 Literally hard as the nails, otherwise you can't do his job.
00:34 Hammerhead, that's his tagline. No, genuinely, I just think that, again, it's a similar argument to Captain Blade,
00:41 but can you imagine running through and you're met with this monstrous cyborg of an abomination?
00:49 I don't really understand what he is, I just know that he's scary and I think that you can't underestimate
00:57 the power of intimidation on a Fiverr side pick.
01:01 Again, I don't know, I said he was like the Terminator for all I know, he might be more like the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz.
01:09 I don't know how well he moves, but I reckon if you just sort of sit him in there and just basically tell him to batter anything that comes near him,
01:18 I think he'd do a pretty effective job. He feels right to me.
01:25 He kind of feels like if Neil Razoruddick was from the 23rd century, and I think that that again is kind of...
01:34 The Robocop version of Razoruddick.
01:37 Exactly, what more could you possibly want in a Fiverr side team? So I'm going to go with Hammerhead, I think.
01:44 Yeah, a fact I love about Hammerhead is when he was originally designed, not the version we have now, but the Hammerhead V1.0,
01:51 I think it was actually designed by David Squires, the cartoonist, funnily enough.
01:55 But the image that was sent over for consideration, the idea was it had him doing some keepy-upees.
02:02 It had the ball in the air and Hammerhead looking up at the ball, his eyes slightly crossed and focused up.
02:07 And obviously that was just intended to show him in action, but the people who designed the physical costume put the eyes,
02:13 they made him permanently cross-eyed and looking up for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
02:17 This version of Hammerhead, though, I admit, a little bit more useful.
02:20 And yeah, I mean, probably going to win most aerial battles. He's literally going to be able to hammer the ball away.
02:27 By way of comparison, I'm going to chuck up Bertie B. This is Bernalee's mascot.
02:32 Now, I do have a couple of issues in general with Bertie B.
02:35 First of all, it is a freakish, grotesque abomination under the name of the Noble B.
02:41 It really does. I don't know what the hell is going on. I don't know what the hell has happened when it was designed.
02:46 It looks appalling. I don't really know what's going on.
02:50 It also walks around with a Bernalee scarf sort of tied to one of its wrists,
02:53 like it's been involved in some kind of turf-mall-based kinky game.
02:57 But we're going to give one major advantage and why he'd be pretty handy in one-on-one duels as a defender is that he is a B
03:03 and therefore presumably has a sting. Now, if I've got a defender backing into me,
03:07 I'm going to be pretty wary about the fact that he could literally sting me.
03:11 Given the size of this B, I mean, he's like a seven-foot B. That's probably going to be a pretty bad sting.
03:15 That's got to cause some problems, and I would be worried about it. I'm not going near him.
03:19 I'm not sure I'm going near Hammerhead either, admittedly, but I don't want to go something that could probably kill me with this giant sting.
03:25 Now, it is presumably being called Bertie. Presumably, it is a male B,
03:29 and therefore my understanding of most species of B is that means you sting you once and then die.
03:33 So, you know, consistency of performance might be an issue. It gives you one big game and then you're pretty much out.
03:39 So I admit there are downsides here, but I'm not messing with Bertie B either.
03:43 I don't really want to have to bury a seven-foot B after we've played one game of Five Aside.
03:51 So on the basis of the fact that I don't want to be left with a massive yellow and black corpse on my hand,
03:57 I think we've got to go with Hammerhead.
04:01 Do you know what? No, you've said it, actually. I don't really want to be responsible for the funeral rites of a giant freak B thing.
04:07 So, yeah, fair enough. Hammerhead can take this one.
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