00:00 (upbeat music)
00:02 - Hello, I'm Matthew Gregory,
00:08 and welcome once more to three added minutes
00:10 for Fibersight, the show in which myself
00:11 and my colleague Jason Jones sit down
00:14 and try to build the best football team
00:16 to a ludicrously specific requirement.
00:18 This week, we're gonna sit down and come up
00:20 with the best Fibersight team of players
00:22 I could like to go for a pint of.
00:25 - And here's how it works.
00:26 So Matthew and I are gonna go one-on-one
00:28 through the five slots in the team
00:30 and propose a candidate before arguing ferociously
00:33 for our preferred player
00:34 until we've agreed on our five-man squad.
00:36 'Cause we refuse to participate in goalkeeper erasure,
00:39 let's start a net.
00:40 Matt, I've got my suggestion,
00:41 but I'm gonna let you go first.
00:43 You've got to pick one, who you're going with.
00:47 Which goalkeeper would you most like to have a pint with?
00:50 - Now, let's be honest.
00:51 Most goalkeepers in the world fit into one of two categories.
00:54 The extremely boring and the clinically insane.
00:58 And I clearly would like to go for a pint with the latter
01:00 because if you're given the choice
01:02 between going for a drink with the neighborhood nut job
01:04 or a neighborhood accountant,
01:07 you're gonna pick the nut job.
01:08 And the nuttiest nut job in the Premier League right now
01:10 is Emi Martinez.
01:11 And you just get the impression that he would switch.
01:14 For one minute, he'd just be quietly drinking his pint,
01:16 chatting away like a perfectly normal man.
01:18 The next minute, he'd be on the bar,
01:20 dry humping a piece of glassware
01:22 and generally acting like a complete noobetic.
01:24 I think if it's a one-pint situation,
01:27 he would be the most entertaining in his own right
01:29 and the person I'd most like to laugh at in a bar.
01:32 I'll admit if we're talking about
01:33 who would I want to be friends with in the long term,
01:35 I'd probably pick the accountant
01:36 'cause Emi Martinez is clearly something of a liability.
01:39 But for one night only,
01:40 Emi Martinez would be an absolute riot.
01:43 And you just need to look at the way he behaved
01:45 after winning the World Cup.
01:46 That is total lack of decorum,
01:48 total lack of situational awareness,
01:50 just a man living his own best life in his own little world.
01:53 And why would you not wanna do that?
01:57 - You're talking about going for a pint
01:58 with a neighborhood nut job.
01:59 I think me and you must have grown up
02:00 in very, very different neighborhoods 'cause-
02:03 (laughs)
02:03 - That is true.
02:05 To be fair, my neighborhood was in rural Sussex.
02:08 So the local nut job was just the person
02:10 who put the jam and cream on the scone
02:11 the other way around.
02:12 - Yeah, if we're gonna go with local eccentrics,
02:15 then I think I'm gonna pick Jordan Pickford.
02:18 Now, Jordan Pickford, like me, is from the Northeast.
02:22 Jordan Pickford, like me, is a goalkeeper,
02:24 although one of us to a slightly higher standard
02:27 than the other.
02:28 So in my mind, we're essentially cut from the same cloth.
02:31 I've been living vicariously through Jordan Pickford now
02:34 for years, and I just think that it'd probably be all right
02:37 to have a pint with.
02:38 Again, like Martinez, I think he has a bit of a streak
02:41 to him where things could go south very, very quickly.
02:44 But if I'm being honest with you, don't mind that.
02:47 Not for one second.
02:48 I think that's the maintenance of a good night.
02:51 I just think that ultimately you wanna be going
02:54 for a pint with someone who you have something in common
02:56 with, who you can have a bit of crack with,
02:58 who you can chat on with.
02:58 And I just think that me and Jordan Pickford probably,
03:01 on that Venn diagram, there's probably a decent sized center.
03:05 So on that basis alone, if I sort of think
03:09 of the goalkeepers who would be candidates for this,
03:12 the first one that jumps out, the first one who I think,
03:15 yeah, we'd probably get on all right,
03:16 would be Jordan Pickford.
03:18 And plus, you know, a couple of pints, a couple of shots,
03:23 next thing you know, the new monkey's blasting.
03:26 And that's just a good time as far as anyone's concerned.
03:29 - I think what we've got here, Jason,
03:30 is a philosophical difference.
03:31 You've been asked who you'd like to go for a pint with
03:33 and decided you'd like, you know,
03:35 someone you have a very pleasant evening
03:36 with a pint out mild with.
03:38 I've basically taken the same approach as Damian Delaney
03:41 when he was asked for the Crystal Palace Match Day program,
03:43 who he'd like at a fantasy dinner party.
03:45 And he picked Keith Richards, Napoleon Bonaparte
03:48 and Genghis Khan along with Mao Zedong.
03:50 Basically I'm taking this as his one pint in my life.
03:53 I want someone mad, I want someone ridiculous,
03:56 I want someone weird.
03:57 And right now I think Emi Martinez
03:59 matches those requirements the most
04:01 'cause this is a fictional world.
04:02 I'm never gonna see him again.
04:03 This is a five-a-side team that we're putting together.
04:05 We're gonna have a pint with them afterwards,
04:06 I guess, after this game.
04:08 I'm never gonna see this person again.
04:10 I'd like to see Jordan Pickford again, I reckon, too.
04:12 Probably not Emi Martinez.
04:13 So, you know, it was a one and done.
04:14 That's my case anyway.
04:15 Emi Martinez is your man.
04:17 - I'm gonna give you Martinez
04:21 on the basis of the fact that he's won a World Cup.
04:24 But I want to take exception with the idea
04:26 that a pint with Jordan Pickford
04:28 would be some sort of genteel calm affair
04:30 'cause I absolutely promise you it would not.
04:35 Do you not remember that video of him after the,
04:38 was it after the Euros or after the World Cup?
04:40 And he's up on someone's shoulders
04:41 and he's singing "Believe" by Cher.
04:44 And he just looks, he's the rowdiest man in the world.
04:46 So it wouldn't be quiet.
04:47 But seeing as you're so, so keen
04:51 on meeting this fictional Emi Martinez,
04:53 then I'm gonna give you this one.
04:55 Love Martinez in there.
04:56 - Fair enough.
04:57 It's probably a fictionalized version
04:58 of what will turn out to be a very tepid
05:00 and normal Argentinian man.
05:01 But for now, let's go with Emi Martinez.
05:03 (whistle blows)
05:04 (upbeat music)
05:07 (upbeat music)
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