- 6 years ago
Life With Elizabeth :Mama's Birthday/Floor Varnishing/Singing Lesson
Not Rated | 26min | Comedy | TV Episode
In the first vignette, Elizabeth tries to break the news of her mother's visit to Alvin gently; in the second, Alvin manages to paint Elizabeth into a corner and in the third Elizabeth decides to take singing lessons.
Director: Duke Goldstone
Writers: George Tibbles, Milt Kahn
Stars: Betty White, Del Moore, Frank De Vol
Not Rated | 26min | Comedy | TV Episode
In the first vignette, Elizabeth tries to break the news of her mother's visit to Alvin gently; in the second, Alvin manages to paint Elizabeth into a corner and in the third Elizabeth decides to take singing lessons.
Director: Duke Goldstone
Writers: George Tibbles, Milt Kahn
Stars: Betty White, Del Moore, Frank De Vol
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Betty White, in Life With Elizabeth, featuring Del Moore.
00:21Incident number one in the life of Elizabeth occurred because her mother, you know if I
00:26told you that it would tip the whole thing off, let's see.
00:29Incident number one in the life of Elizabeth occurred because all the stores, now that
00:34would tip it off too.
00:35Why don't you just take a look for yourselves.
00:41Elizabeth, how are you this morning?
00:45Those are sure pretty flowers.
00:47What kind are they?
00:48Glad?
00:49Hey, you'd better say hello to Alvin, he's headed this way.
00:54Hi honey.
00:55Well, hi.
00:56I see you've been out in the garden again, you've got, how come you said hi before I
01:03got here?
01:04I heard the pitter-patter of your tiny gunboat.
01:08Oh, hey, look at me not sitting down.
01:11Darling, and you're not hanging on to anything.
01:15I knew you'd be proud.
01:17Well, of course I'm proud, come on, take a step to our mama.
01:20Oh, I'm afraid.
01:21Oh, you can do it, you'll soon be thirty-five.
01:24Twice.
01:25Good boy.
01:26Now, just as soon as you learn to wave bye-bye, mommy's going to take a nice long trip, without
01:34you.
01:35You know, it's fun being married to you, you're out of your mind.
01:38Well, it makes it easier to talk to you.
01:41Come on, darling, sit down, you don't look natural.
01:43No, I'm not going to sit down, Elizabeth.
01:45Why not?
01:46The minute I do, you'll think of some place to send me.
01:48No.
01:49To the store, maybe, huh?
01:50Well, none of the stores are open and there's nothing to do, come on, sit down, relax.
01:55Why aren't the stores open?
01:56Because it's Tuesday.
01:57I love Tuesdays, don't you?
02:00I somehow have a feeling that this conversation is getting away from me.
02:03Why do you love Tuesdays?
02:06Because I can tell myself day after tomorrow, I can say day after tomorrow is Saturday.
02:11Oh, brother, what's so special about Saturday?
02:15Well, the next day is Sunday.
02:18I love Sundays because you can always tell yourself that day after tomorrow is Tuesday
02:23and then I can tell myself the day after tomorrow, I can say the day after...
02:28Aren't you going to stop me?
02:30No, you said yourself there's nothing to do.
02:32Go on, rattle on about day after tomorrow.
02:35It's dull, but it is very uninteresting.
02:38Okay.
02:40I love January, too.
02:42Because right in the middle of a storm, I can say in two months it'll be March.
02:45And I love March because then in...
02:48Why aren't the stores open?
02:51Because they're all closed.
02:53Say, you know, it's a good thing that you taught me to walk just now
02:56because that's just what I'm going to do.
02:58And I can also wave bye-bye, so I'll see you again.
03:00Why are you home today?
03:02It's a national holiday.
03:04Well, that's why the stores are closed.
03:06Not all of them.
03:08Surely there must be one drugstore that you can send me to.
03:10Not a one.
03:12It isn't only a national holiday.
03:14It's National Give the Clerks a Break Day.
03:16Bye-bye.
03:19It's really a good thing when you start to think about it.
03:21It's a good thing for me, too.
03:23I'm not going to move from this seat all day.
03:25Roger.
03:27Well, I have work to do.
03:29Oh, no, you don't. You're going to relax, too.
03:31Here's the paper. Read.
03:33Sweetie, the house is a mess.
03:35I don't care. Go on, read the paper. Relax.
03:37Well, maybe for just a few minutes.
03:39All right. If you read the entire front page, I'll let you do a little work. All right?
03:43All right.
03:45All right.
03:48It says the Daily Enterprise.
03:50The paper for people who think they can get a better paper.
03:52And then it says 7 cents.
03:56And then it gives the date.
03:58Tuesday the 21st.
04:00And then there's a big fat headline.
04:04Mama.
04:06Oh, my gosh. What's she done?
04:08It's her birthday.
04:10Mama's, and I forgot all about it.
04:12Run down to the drugstore and see if you can...
04:14Oh, no.
04:17There must be one store that's open.
04:19Now, I didn't even send her a card.
04:21Well, honey, how come you forgot it?
04:23Well, she usually reminds me.
04:25Easy.
04:27Let's see. There must be something around here
04:29that we can wrap up and take over to her.
04:31That's an idea.
04:33Hey, honey, how about that horrible vase in the front room?
04:35She gave that to us.
04:37How about that brand new book that just came in the mail?
04:39We haven't even opened it yet.
04:41Oh, good. You go get it, and I'll see if I can find something to wrap it in.
04:43Here we go.
04:45Here we are.
04:47This writing paper ought to do it.
04:49If I just had some ribbon... You put the book down, honey.
04:51That way?
04:53Wrap her up.
04:55Think of something else.
04:57What's wrong?
04:59Fat, 50, and famished.
05:03I'll tell you what you do.
05:05You make her a card.
05:07Here, you can use this.
05:09Just think of something cute.
05:11Why don't you draw a picture?
05:14And make it real fancy.
05:16I'll see what I can dig up.
05:18I'll tell you what I'll do.
05:20I'll make a poem, and I'll draw a picture.
05:22Alvin, how about some records maybe?
05:24No, honey, that's too scratchy.
05:26Would it do any good if I sandpapered them?
05:28That's silly.
05:30Alvin, we just have to think of something for her.
05:32I wouldn't hurt her feelings for the world.
05:34Hey, she collects steel engravings.
05:36Where are you going to steal engravings, isn't it?
05:38What are you mumbling about?
05:40Steel engravings.
05:43Steel engravings.
05:45With President's pictures on them.
05:47I don't get it.
05:49Money!
05:51No, it's too cold.
05:53Yeah, it's a little hard to get, too.
05:55How do you like that?
05:57We didn't forget, though you might think...
05:59Alvin, why the picture of the elephant?
06:01Oh, honey, I wasn't thinking.
06:03You know, an elephant never forgets.
06:05Why don't you change that to a pig?
06:07No, honey, I didn't mean that.
06:09No, change it to a horse.
06:12Look, honey, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.
06:14Oh, it isn't that, Alvin.
06:16I don't have anything for Mama's birthday.
06:18And the stores are all closed.
06:20And I can't think of anything.
06:22And she'll be hurt.
06:24And when she's hurt, somebody else gets hurt.
06:26And take these silly flowers out.
06:28Oh, yes, yes, I will. I'll take them right out, honey.
06:30Wait. Alvin, look.
06:32Flowers. I'll write another note.
06:34Write another card.
06:36And listen.
06:38Don't draw any elephants this time.
06:41Trust me. No!
06:43No pictures. I'm just going to say happy birthday, love.
06:45Where's the one with the elephant?
06:47Where's the one with the elephant on it?
06:49Give me that one.
06:51Oh, no.
06:53Oh, good.
06:55Hurry up, honey.
06:57I'm hurrying. How do you spell Mama?
06:59Oh, you do the flowers. I'll do that.
07:01Here, take one.
07:03All wrapped up. Hurry up, honey.
07:05Are there two M's in Mama?
07:07Honey, I don't know. I'll get a dictionary.
07:09Elizabeth, he wrapped the elephant picture
07:11around the flowers again.
07:13Wait a minute.
07:15Aren't you ashamed?
07:19Incident number two in the life of Elizabeth
07:21occurred when the man at the paint store
07:23sold her five quarts of varnish.
07:25So what do you do
07:27when you've got five quarts of varnish around the house?
07:29You slap it all over the floors, naturally.
07:31Well, maybe you don't.
07:33But Elizabeth sees to it
07:35that Alvin does.
07:38Alvin.
07:50Elizabeth, come take a look at this.
07:54Elizabeth.
07:56I'm right here.
07:58Well, that was clever.
08:00Elizabeth, what are you doing
08:02in that closet?
08:04Apparently, I'm waiting in here for the varnish
08:07to dry so I can get out.
08:09Elizabeth, will you save your sarcasm
08:11for a time when you haven't been stupid?
08:13Alvin, I'm going to ask you a direct question
08:15and I want a direct answer.
08:17Shoot.
08:19Don't tempt me.
08:21How often do you saw yourself off of a tree limb?
08:23The same number of times
08:25you go into the closet to sleep.
08:27Well, that was a pretty good answer, darling,
08:29but it doesn't get me out of here.
08:31Don't do that.
08:33I just wanted to see if it was wet.
08:36Oh, here we go
08:38with the funny stuff again.
08:40Don't you see
08:42what a ridiculous situation this is?
08:44You've actually painted me
08:46in the closet.
08:48I can't get out.
08:50How often do you saw yourself off of a tree limb?
08:52Take it easy. I'll think of something.
08:54I've already got it figured out.
08:56I'll tell you what you do. Go get me a rope
08:58and a mop
09:00and a jack handle and a gallon of kerosene.
09:03What do you want with all of that junk?
09:05Well, nothing, but while you're out looking for them
09:07I'll just walk across.
09:09Please, don't do that.
09:11Just take it easy.
09:13Now, you can always walk across as a last resort, right?
09:15Now, I'll think of something
09:17to keep us from ruining all my work.
09:19That's right. We wouldn't want to tarnish the varnish.
09:21Is there a trap door in there, Elizabeth?
09:23Well, there is, but it leads down
09:25into the dungeon and I'm afraid of the dragons.
09:27I mean up above.
09:29What?
09:31There is a trap door
09:33in the ceiling.
09:35What did you have in mind, Einstein?
09:37Well, I thought maybe you might
09:39crawl up through the trap door,
09:41crawl through the attic, and crawl down
09:43through the trap door in the hall.
09:45Uh-huh. Well, sure,
09:47the trap door's only about eight feet up.
09:49I've got it. I could put on a light spring dress
09:51and if it's springy enough, see...
09:53Elizabeth.
09:55Well, all right, but there's only one thing wrong
09:57with your trap door idea.
09:59Too high up?
10:01It's that big. I don't want to say it's small, Alvin,
10:03but you'd have trouble getting a sugar cube through it.
10:05Elizabeth, is there a trap door
10:07in there?
10:09There was, but you kept talking and it healed up.
10:11Elizabeth, can you...
10:13You think you can jump across?
10:15Well, why not?
10:17I could get a long running start
10:19from the back of the closet.
10:21Will you stop being so clever and think of something?
10:23All right. All right, now the brain goes to work.
10:25The brain.
10:27There isn't a chandelier,
10:29so I can't do my trapeze act.
10:31And I'm not happy, so I...
10:33I can't walk on air.
10:35How about a tightrope?
10:37I never trust a rope that drinks.
10:41Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
10:43Uh-huh.
10:45Uh-huh. Spelled backwards is uh-huh.
10:47Here, catch.
10:49Now, look, Elizabeth, this is no time to read.
10:51Please, follow me. Elizabeth.
10:53Please, will you...
10:55There you go. Now, pile those up.
10:57And I'll do the same over here.
10:59Elizabeth, what does the reading matter?
11:01You get it? Reading matter?
11:03Elizabeth, come back here
11:05and listen to my joke. Honey, I told...
11:07Honey, you were throwing the books,
11:09and I said, what does the reading...
11:11All right, just watch.
11:13Wait a minute, honey. Stand back, Alvin.
11:15Look out. Get out of the way. I'm out.
11:17Okay. Timber!
11:19A bridge.
11:21Elizabeth, you made a bridge.
11:23I should have sent you a dental bill.
11:25Okay, come on. Walk across.
11:29Oh, Holly, what's the matter?
11:31Come on. Walk across.
11:33You know I can't stand heights.
11:35I told you to walk across the board.
11:37No. You come on over here
11:39and carry me back.
11:41Look, it won't hold my weight. Come on. Walk across.
11:43Well, how do you know it'll hold mine?
11:45You're not exactly a tub of lard, you know.
11:47You keep Mama out of this.
11:49Elizabeth, look, you do something very intelligent,
11:51and then you get silly. Will you walk across that board?
11:55I'll try.
11:57Okay, come on. Oh, it doesn't seem very steady, Alvin.
11:59Wait a minute. Wait a minute now.
12:01Wait a minute. Hold it, honey.
12:05There we are.
12:07Come on.
12:09Wait a minute. Now I got it.
12:11Here we are. Here we are.
12:13Give me your hand or something. Here, take this.
12:15And turn it around. What's wrong with it this way?
12:17Well, I'm grabbing a hold of a wet beard.
12:21Got her?
12:23Don't pull. I'm not. Come on.
12:25Oh, Alvin, I can't.
12:27Sissy.
12:29Bully.
12:31Wait a minute.
12:33How did you spell that?
12:35Never mind.
12:37Take a hold of the yardstick.
12:39What am I supposed to do, inch my way across?
12:41Yeah, exactly.
12:43Come on.
12:45Don't pull. Don't pull, Alvin.
12:47I won't be able to do it if you pull.
12:49Oh, baby, come on.
12:51Look out. You're wigging it.
12:53I'm not either.
12:55What do you think you're crossing? Come on.
13:01I'm glad that's over.
13:03I'm glad I'm over, too.
13:05That's pretty smart thinking for a sissy.
13:07And that's pretty bully bullying for a bully.
13:11I tell you what you do.
13:13Let's get something to eat, huh?
13:15All righty.
13:17Alvin.
13:21Oh, for goodness sake.
13:23Go over the board, cross the board, and get it.
13:25Oh, not on your life.
13:27I'm going to stay right here on the mainland.
13:29Honey, that board won't hold me.
13:31Go on. Live dangerously. Why don't you try?
13:33Don't push me. I'll go.
13:35Wait a minute.
13:39Is it sagging, Elizabeth?
13:41No, but the board is.
13:45Elizabeth.
13:49That was close.
13:51Yeah, we might as well give up.
13:53Honey, you might as well pick the board up.
13:55Yeah, I guess so.
13:57The brush won't be any good, but I can get another one.
13:59Hey, by the way, what were you doing in the closet so long?
14:01Well,
14:03Stormy and I went in there to get a blanket for his bed.
14:07And I got to reading magazines. You know how you do.
14:09Yeah.
14:11And then Stormy fell asleep and...
14:13Stormy.
14:15Stormy? In the closet?
14:17Maybe he's still asleep.
14:19Oh, no.
14:21Stay. Stay.
14:23I'll get some buttons.
14:25No.
14:35Incident number three in the life of Elizabeth
14:37One day she began her singing lessons.
14:39You might say the whole thing turned out
14:41to be a howling success.
14:43Anyway, if we hurry, we might get over there
14:45in time to see the first lesson.
14:47Now sing...
14:51No, a little louder now.
14:55A little louder, please.
15:01Hey, take your hands off her.
15:03Don't worry, honey. I'll take care of these.
15:05Alvin, this is my singing teacher.
15:07Your singing teacher? What do you need a singing teacher for?
15:09Well, I have to sing
15:11that stupid women's club song again
15:13and I'm not going to be embarrassed like I was the last time.
15:15Would you mind? Well, honey, I'm sorry. I didn't know.
15:17Not only that, they're putting on an operetta
15:19and I might get the lead.
15:21I hate to be a bother, but I think I'm going to faint.
15:25Well, let go of his arm.
15:27Oh, my gosh. I'm sorry.
15:29Mr. DuPaul, this is my husband, Alvin.
15:31How do you do? How do you do?
15:33I'd like to shake hands, but I can't find it.
15:35It's still back here.
15:37Well, that's nice to know.
15:39Easy. I'm sorry.
15:41There you are.
15:43I think I may faint now.
15:45Oh, now, you're going to be perfectly all right.
15:47Alvin, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
15:49Well, how did I know?
15:51I thought he was trying to choke you.
15:53How's the hand?
15:55I think the bone's sticking out right here.
15:57Oh, no.
15:59Now, it's your cuff link.
16:03Bone sticking out.
16:05May I see you for a minute, dear?
16:07Will you excuse us, Mr. DuPaul?
16:13Alvin, everybody isn't stupid.
16:15You know, he heard what you said.
16:17What did I say?
16:19Bone sticking to it.
16:21And another thing, don't come leaping in here
16:23and practicing jujitsu on my singing teacher again.
16:25I still think he was trying to break your jaw.
16:27You guys get loose. There's nothing you can do about it.
16:29Go watch your fights. Go on.
16:31Well, I'll be handy if you need me.
16:33Just go on.
16:39I'm sorry. Now, shall we go on?
16:41He's strong, isn't he?
16:43Well, he just didn't understand.
16:45Shall we go on with the loo-loo-loos, Mr. DuPaul?
16:47Oh, my name is Fred.
16:49I thought your name was Frank.
16:51No, that's my brother.
16:53We don't speak about him.
16:57He plays jazz.
17:01Well, how about the loo-loo-loos?
17:03Well, that's my sister.
17:05Oh, I see what you mean.
17:07No, no, your loo-loo-loos are excellent.
17:09Really?
17:11And now we're going to have a new exercise.
17:13Right up the scale, you know, starting with
17:15Do...
17:17Do...
17:19Do...
17:21Paul...
17:23Paul...
17:25Paul...
17:27Fred DuPaul.
17:29Fred DuPaul.
17:31Fred...
17:33Oh, I see. I do my exercises
17:35and your commercials at the same time.
17:37When you get better, we'll open the window
17:39while you rehearse.
17:41And if I get real good,
17:43I could do regular singing commercials.
17:45You know, like, Fred DuPaul,
17:47three dollars a lesson.
17:49That's too much.
17:51Albert.
17:53Even his voice has muscles in it.
17:59Oh, well,
18:01there were actually two of them.
18:03There's the duet from the operetta they're going to put on,
18:05and
18:07then
18:09there's the stupid women's club song.
18:11Well, I think I'd like to hear
18:13the stupid women's club song first.
18:19Hail...
18:21Hail...
18:23Hail to the women's club
18:25across the street from the bus depot.
18:29You see, it used to be across the street
18:31from the jail, but we moved.
18:35But, you know, I don't particularly
18:37care for your bus depot.
18:39Why not?
18:41It's a beautiful building. It's brand new.
18:43Oh, no, no, no. No, I don't mean that.
18:45I mean your tone.
18:47I want to feel your throat
18:49vibrate. You see?
18:51Now, bus depot.
18:53Bus depot.
18:55Now, louder, please.
18:57Bus depot.
18:59The Alvin.
19:01Your Alvin had a much richer sound than your depot.
19:07If we ever moved across the street from a bank,
19:09you'd really hear some notes.
19:11Well, let's not have any
19:13lovely, please.
19:15Now, let's try your Alvin again.
19:19Alvin.
19:21A little louder now. Alvin.
19:23Louder now. Alvin.
19:25More.
19:27Alvin. I got it.
19:31You tell me this bluebird
19:33wasn't trying to choke you.
19:35That's bluebeard, not bluebird. What's the difference?
19:37One is feathers and one is hair.
19:39Well, he had his hands at your throat, didn't he?
19:41Oh, let go of his arm.
19:43Well.
19:46Now, do something.
19:52May I have my arm back now?
19:54Here it is.
19:56Now, easy. Easy.
19:58Alvin, what has come over you?
20:00Well, what kind of a husband would I be if I didn't do
20:02something when I saw somebody choking you?
20:04Well, I was only trying to show her the difference
20:06between her Alvin and her depot.
20:08There's a bulletin.
20:10Well, you go watch something.
20:12Go on. And don't watch the fights.
20:14It makes you belligerent.
20:16Oh, honey, look, I think I'll stay here. The fights are bad anyway.
20:18All I do is clench, and I can stay here.
20:20That's fine. I hope they'll be very happy.
20:22Well, if you need me, I'll be handy. I'm just standing right out over here.
20:27Don't you think we'd be safer if we tied him up?
20:31You think he's protecting me.
20:33You know something? He is.
20:35Would you like to try the duet now?
20:37Oh, well, very well.
20:41Here.
20:43Oh, yes. I'm familiar with that.
20:48Would you mind putting my hand on the keys, please?
20:52Does your arm still hurt?
20:54No, no. You're sitting on my hand.
20:58Come on, now. You are.
21:02I guess it's still numb.
21:05You must be numb all over.
21:14Excuse me.
21:17See, I play the part of Griselda,
21:19and you'll have to sing the part of...
21:21Wait a minute. Now, where is it?
21:23Here it is. Charles Inc.
21:26No, that's the publisher.
21:28No, I sing the part of the jealous lover.
21:37At last you've returned,
21:39Oh, my jealous lover
21:42Handsome and full of conceit
21:45You're sweet
21:49Why did you leave me,
21:51My jealous lover
21:55Soon I'll be quite obsolete
21:58You're sweet
22:01Life is a gay chansonnelle
22:05You're a bold one
22:07Love and then quickly forget
22:10You're a cold one
22:12That's a mad menuette
22:15You're an old one
22:18Jealous lover
22:21Of mine
22:24You're sweet
22:27You're sour
22:31As long as he stays in his cave, we'll be safe.
22:34Do you know the next part?
22:36I think so.
22:38Where he discovers she's been running around with the village.
22:40The village what?
22:42The entire village.
22:43She can't make up her mind, remember?
22:45Oh, yes. Now I remember.
22:46And then he enters from over here, you know.
22:48Says, I, I hear, I...
22:54I hear you're going out
22:56With every single lout
22:58In the village
23:00In the village
23:06No, no, no
23:08Come here and take a beating, girl
23:10No, no, no
23:11Come here and take a thrashing, girl
23:13No, no, no
23:14Oh, that's very good.
23:16And now the high note.
23:17Help
23:19Help, help, help, help
23:22Why must I keep repeating, girl
23:24Come here and take a beating, girl
23:26No, no, help, help
23:27Except a little thrashing, girl
23:29Just a little thrashing, girl
23:31No, no, help, help, help
23:33Here, here, here
23:36Alvin, now you know perfectly well
23:38We were, we were singing that time.
23:40Honey, it didn't sound any different than the other times.
23:43That's not a very nice thing to say.
23:45Your wife needs confidence and you're destroying it.
23:48Along with my arm.
23:50She sings at the women's club all the time.
23:53No, darling.
23:54I need singing lessons.
23:56I was absent one day
23:58and everybody thought they'd had the piano tuned.
24:01Oh, that's different. I don't know.
24:03Let's hear that duet.
24:05Okay?
24:06Should we do your sweet form?
24:08Sure.
24:09Why don't you sing this with us, Alvin?
24:11Me? Oh.
24:12Yes, right here.
24:13All right, what do I read?
24:14Yeah.
24:15Cue me in.
24:16Yeah.
24:17All righty.
24:18At last you've returned,
24:20Oh, my jealous lover
24:23Handsome and full of conceit
24:26You're sweet
24:30Hey!
24:31Say goodbye to the people.
24:33Goodbye, everybody.
24:34Why do you leave me?
24:38And now here to say goodbye to you
24:39is the lovely star of our show, Betty White.
24:43Thank you, Jeff Knight.
24:44And thank you.
24:46And thank you.
24:47And you know, it might interest you to know
24:49that Alvin is now taking singing lessons
24:51in exchange for jujitsu lessons.
24:54Until we see you again, goodbye, everybody.
25:24© BF-WATCH TV 2021
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