00:00I am vacation challenged. I promise you're going to have fun.
00:10Vacations, new places, new people, new experiences.
00:15You took our money, so we took your wife.
00:18You give us back our money, and we give you back your wife.
00:24What if Guy can't come up with the money?
00:26You worried about his devotion? Because I assure you, he has the money.
00:30I forgot you're happily married.
00:32No, you forgot. I'm kidnapped.
00:35World's a bad place, Walker.
00:37Lloyd! Lloyd!
00:40Why don't you just whip out your dicks and measure?
00:51You really have no idea what's going on here, do you?
00:56What?
01:26Tierra del Sur
01:31Lo que el viento se llevó
01:34La arena cayó
01:39Tierra del Sur
01:43Tierra del Sur
01:47En mi alma llevo yo
01:50Mi flor y mi sol
01:55Cuando me fui de la tierra que yo más querÃa
02:02Cuando me fui de la tierra abajo de mÃ
02:18Tierra del Sur
02:22Tierra del Sur
02:26Lo que el viento se llevó
02:29La arena cayó
02:34Tierra del Sur
02:38Tierra del Sur
02:42En mi alma llevo yo
02:45Mi flor y mi sol
02:50Siento la sal de tus aguas llegar a mi orillo
02:58Soy de mi piel y mi vera bronzan tu caricia
03:21Tierra del Sur
03:25Lo que el viento se llevó
03:29La arena cayó
03:33Here they come, Mr. and Mrs. Florida Sunshine, Guy and Corinne.
03:39Off for one of those romantic, working-on-their-relationship tropical vacations.
03:46And here we are. Wacko Joaquin.
03:50The only guy I ever went with who didn't figure out I was smarter.
03:54Nicky, his autonomy-impaired kid brother.
03:57And me, Solange, in basic bad guy black.
04:01Now, was there a two-for-one special on those suits?
04:05Hey, anybody can make a million dollars in Costa Rica.
04:10You just gotta come down with two million.
04:15Have a safe trip.
04:17And don't die.
04:19I promise you're gonna have fun.
04:22So, we're going where they're going.
04:25And they're going, you guessed it, on the adventure of a lifetime.
04:31Nobody likes Silver Point Shores.
04:34They love it.
04:35Guy's idea of fun is fondling his cell phone.
04:39Corinne's idea of fun, whoops, doesn't apply.
04:43Listen, here's what you do.
04:45You take him down to the water.
04:47Well, you get him to take off his shoes.
04:50Well, get him to roll up his trousers.
04:52I don't care if he's wearing a Zanega suit.
05:01You're not selling real estate, you're selling real escape.
05:05You're selling goddamn sanity.
05:14We're in La Iguana.
05:16There are two cabanas down and el mono común.
05:20A what?
05:21Howler monkeys.
05:23Now, Joaquin's idea of fun is boring the shit out of everyone.
05:27Whatever happened to beer, page, sunburn?
05:29When people used to go on vacations to get a tan,
05:31and now they go to watch fucking turtles lay eggs.
05:34And Nicky's idea of fun is telling him he's boring.
05:38I hate guys that don't wear socks.
05:43What if I can't have fun?
05:45What'd I tell you?
05:46We'll apply a new therapist.
05:49I am vacation challenged, okay?
05:54I don't think I can do this.
05:57Your brain is a fucking machine.
06:01I don't think I can do this.
06:04I don't think I can do this.
06:07Your brain is gonna have an endorphin orgy.
06:12I can't.
06:14You have to go.
06:17What'll they do with your vegetarian meal?
06:26Everything's bad for you.
06:28Sun, smokes, cheesecake.
06:31I mean, people have been robbed of the small pleasures of life,
06:33so they have to do bad shit against their fellow man
06:36to protect the guilt of modern existence.
06:39Can't you get into the vacation mindset?
06:43Relaxing gives my brother hemorrhoids.
06:46A vacation mindset.
06:49Okay.
06:52Hey, taristas.
06:55Be our guest in paradise.
06:58Lie back and suck up the sun
07:00as you sip one of our world-famous cocktails.
07:04Above you, squirrel monkeys tend to dance frolic.
07:09The teeming wonders of the rainforest are all yours.
07:14Now my idea of fun.
07:17Well, you'll see.
07:29Why do we do what we do?
07:32The answer I have is,
07:33if we didn't go through the absurdist bullshit,
07:36we'd die bored.
07:54Love your hat.
07:56I gotta get me one of those.
07:58So, uh, bet you're going to one of those fun-in-the-sun places, huh?
08:03Um, Costa Rica?
08:05No shit, Costa Rica?
08:07That's where I'm going.
08:10You know what?
08:11If you're going there,
08:12you might need one of these.
08:15Voila.
08:16Les poquettes bissoires.
08:18Listen, girl to girl,
08:19no woman should travel to distant lands
08:22without one of these bad boys
08:24to forever put her mind at rest
08:27in this gross-out,
08:29bar-fesque toilet.
08:31Because with this little gizmo,
08:33a girl can pee standing up.
08:36All you have to do is face the toilet
08:39and lift the seat
08:40and place les poquettes bissoires
08:42firmly over your pubic area.
08:45Hey, honey, where are you going?
08:47Take one.
08:48You're making a big mistake.
08:51Make sure you are standing close enough to the toilet.
08:55Relax, and you're ready to go!
09:03That was really, really, really, really stupid.
09:05Which still makes my I.Q. higher than yours.
09:13Have a safe trip.
09:14Have a safe trip.
09:15Have a safe trip.
09:16Have a safe trip.
09:17Have a safe trip.
09:18Have a safe...
09:19Have a safe...
09:20Have a safe trip.
09:21Trip.
09:22Safe trip.
09:23Safe trip.
09:24Rich Rich Rich Rich Rich!
09:30OK now....
09:32We have skipped over to the competition
09:34arrived 20 min later but we have
09:3610% more leg room
09:40OK... they have 10% more leg room
09:54So are you here for the eco or are you going to have some front end work done too?
10:06Eco used to be the really big draw, now we get almost as many people coming down for
10:09plastic or dental.
10:12You can get a combo package, the rainforest plus your boobs, say, or six gold inlays.
10:31Thirty hectares, beachfront, Mondo Resort Potemkin.
10:34You like monkeys?
10:35You got monkeys nibbling right out of your hand.
10:43Jesus, how about some local color?
10:49Some fucking Indians, native chachalas.
10:52That's Guatemala.
10:54Barefoot peasants atop boroughs.
10:57Mexico.
10:58In Costa Rica, the tourists provide the local color.
11:04The way you set them now, the government is bailing out all the airlines, they're primed
11:51I don't know why they love this toilet.
11:57Hey, six o'clock.
12:10See that point out there?
12:36See it?
12:38I used to swim out to that point every morning before breakfast last time I was here.
12:47And now for the maroomba strip scene.
12:57Put my shoes in there and I'll take off the rest.
13:24Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come
13:52on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
14:18I'll give you $5 if you jump into the pool with your clothes on.
14:21No, $10.
14:27That's his.
14:32What the hell is in the Rainforest Punch?
14:35Alcoholic biodiversity.
14:37Bourbon, Bailin, Strambouli.
14:40Daiquiri mix.
14:41Richest brew for the tourists.
14:44One Rainforest Punch, por favor.
14:49How do you want it? Alone or in a couple?
14:52If a girl complains, she'll let you dance very well.
14:55She'll shake you, and for those who doubt it,
14:58she'll dance a merengue, and everything goes up.
15:01Joy...
15:03Living at the beach, number one.
15:05Your bathrooms are going to have more wildlife than fucking National Geographic.
15:10Number two, someone tells you,
15:12Tranquilo, no hay problemas.
15:15Let her fucking worry.
15:18The Rainforest Punch
15:36Mr. and Mrs. Finley.
15:38Mr. and Mrs. Guy Finley.
15:48Mr. and Mrs. Guy Finley.
15:50Mr. and Mrs. Guy Finley.
15:52Mr. and Mrs. Guy Finley.
15:54Mr. and Mrs. Guy Finley.
15:56Now just relax.
15:59And smell the pretty flower.
16:02Breathe in, breathe out.
16:09You sure we're in the right cabana, babe?
16:11El holler monkey, right?
16:13Hollers make that kind of shriek.
16:18Look out for the rats.
16:29Excuse me, ma'am.
16:48Chumay na chungay cha.
16:50Chumay na chungay cha.
16:52Chumay na chungay cha.
16:54Chumay na chungay cha.
16:56Chumay na chungay cha.
16:58Said I'd get me one of these.
17:01And for the lady.
17:05Vacations.
17:06New places.
17:08New people.
17:09No chance.
17:11Honey, now, this time I insist.
17:19Woo-hoo!
17:30Guy, Guy.
17:32Guy, Guy.
17:35Guy.
17:40Get the hell away from me.
17:42I'm not so sure I can.
17:44You crazy bitch.
17:46I play straight with you and you kidnap my goddamn wife?
17:49Your little wife's just fine.
17:51She'll be staying nearby.
17:53Okay, there isn't a pool.
17:55I mean, why did you have to bring Corinne into it?
17:57Now, you brought this on yourself.
18:00Truth hurts.
18:02Reality check number one.
18:04You walk off with 6.2 million that doesn't belong to you.
18:08Now, there's...
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