00:00If you were going to commit a heist, what would you actually do in actual life?
00:04Oh, wait, I can't.
00:05I'd probably start...
00:08I'd start somewhere easy, like...
00:13The Federal Reserve's gold safe.
00:16After I have that, I would then steal the most fancy chandelier in all of Italy.
00:21I'd then sell it for a hefty profit on the black market.
00:27Once I'm done there, I would then rob the British National Museum, steal the Mona Lisa.
00:34No, no, I would throw a curveball in there.
00:36What?
00:37I would rob some of the most famous paintings out there, have a professional artist match the hue and the
00:43colors of it,
00:44and draw a penis all over these paintings and put them back.
00:48There actually is an IRL method to stealing.
00:50I don't know if anybody knows this.
00:52Seriously, a lot of guys, like, they rob with guns and stuff, and it doesn't work.
00:56They always get caught.
00:57There actually is a meta, and I'm not even joking.
01:00I'm not even joking.
01:01If you don't bring a weapon, get naked and oil yourself up.
01:05They can't shoot you because you don't have a weapon, and you're oiled, so they can't even grab it.
01:09You just slip it right through their arms, and then you just run away.
01:13You're good to go.
01:14You're done.
01:14You're talking about...
01:15Mm-hmm.
01:16Mm-hmm.
01:17You just raise your hands in the air so they see that you don't have a weapon.
01:19You raise them way up in the air, and you go, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
01:22-la-la-la.
01:22And make sure you're naked, too, because they won't want to like that.
01:24Yeah, you're naked and oiled up, and you raise your hands in the air so they can clearly see you
01:27don't have a weapon.
01:28And then you just run away with all the goodies.
01:30Mm-hmm.
01:31Mm-hmm.
01:31I guess if your hands are in the air, I don't really know where you have the stuff that you're
01:35stealing.
01:38What if you robbed a gun store?
01:40Yeah, because they could say that.
01:41Holy sh**.
01:42Yeah.
01:43That's true.
01:44That's true.
01:44Okay, well, there's some kicks we gotta iron out, but that plan is almost foolproof.
01:49That pain is always foolproof.
01:51Well, you could probably put it in your butt.
01:53You could put it in your butt?
01:54Oh, do you know what you could do?
01:55You could bring duct tape, duct tape it to your cheeks,
01:58your cheeks, like a microwave.
02:00If you're stealing a microwave from Target,
02:02duct tape the microwave to your cheeks,
02:04raise your hands up in the air,
02:05you're oiled up, and then you run.
02:08And then at worst case scenario,
02:09they just grab the microwave, take it off.
02:12You know what I'm talking about?
02:13I could fit an entire microwave in my ass.
02:15Like somebody's grabbing the jersey of an NFL player
02:17while they're running to the touchdown.
02:18They grab the microwave, it comes off.
02:20You could be a spy, be a mistress,
02:21put it all on a USB drive.
02:23Wait, hold on.
02:24Wait a second.
02:25Wait a minute.
02:25New meta.
02:26Turn Asian, be a woman,
02:28the Divinity CEO.
02:30Yes.
02:31Whoa.
02:32Wait a second.
02:33Hold on.
02:33Should we write this down?
02:34Write this down, write this down, write this down.
02:36Wait a second.
02:37Is anyone writing this down?
02:38Is anyone writing this down?
02:39I got the whip.
