00:02I'm teaming up with Andrea to do some witchcraft.
00:09Hannah and I have been talking about how wretched our love lives are and have always been.
00:20We met with the Tinder witch.
00:30We've heard that you are an expert on Tinder magic.
00:36Tinder's harder to pull off for meaningful connections than OkPupid is, but that's just like...
00:40There's ways to get better results out of it.
00:42Would that involve putting a spell on the phone?
00:47I would make an oil for a particular purpose, in this case to draw someone who was more of a
00:52meaningful partner than I had been finding.
00:54And I would anoint my phone with it before I did any swiping or smacking.
00:59So what does anointing a phone entail?
01:02So you would dot it with the oil in all the four corners and what's in the middle.
01:05And that's good for all the dating apps.
01:16Well...
01:16Alright.
01:18Anointing...
01:18Alright.
01:22Five...
01:22Do you feel different?
01:27No.
01:28Not yet.
01:28Okay.
01:29Okay.
01:29So we're gonna swipe.
01:31Whoa!
01:35Oh my god!
01:36Wait, that's weird.
01:37I got a message?
01:38Whoa!
01:40Whoa!
01:41Someone just messaged me!
01:42She got another one!
01:44Things might not seem like they're changing yet, but I've got a really good feeling about this.
01:48I'm feeling distraught.
01:52It's because she's a Taurus.
01:57It's because she's a Taurus.
01:58Witchcraft, more than anything else, is an assortment of different tools you can pick from to use to affect change
02:04in a metaphysical way.
02:06A sigil, which is like a magical symbol for a particular purpose.
02:10Let's say, like, I want to be famous, or I want my app company to do well, or whatever.
02:14Try to distill your desire down into the smallest, most concise sentence that you can.
02:19If you're looking for a soulmate, just say, bring me my soulmate.
02:21Or, you know, just the smallest, most concise way that you can put it.
02:25That is, like, exact wording.
02:27Bring me my soulmate is pretty on the nose.
02:29Step one in a lot of standard sigil making is to get rid of all your bowels.
02:32If you wanted just this to be your sigil, that could be.
02:35What most people will do is they'll take all of these letters and form them into some kind of shape.
02:40This is, like, your symbol for bring me a soulmate now.
02:42You can get charged any number of ways.
02:44You can charge a sigil by masturbating and looking at it.
02:46You can charge a sigil by, like, turning around a bunch in one space and then looking at it.
02:50You have to get your mind to that, like, blank space.
02:52Draw your symbol on a piece of paper.
02:54You're gonna burn the candle down on top of it.
02:57Does it have to burn all the way down?
02:59Yes. If it doesn't do that on its own, then something has gone wrong.
03:04We're gonna craft our sigils.
03:08An enlightened man.
03:10Ugh, it sounds so dorky, but...
03:13I want it, but bring me a bad old bitch.
03:15My one concern with an enlightened man is that, like, he'd be like, I'm woke.
03:20Yeah, you want him to be woke and be quiet.
03:25Yes.
03:26I'm just gonna put bring me a queen.
03:31This is my sigil.
03:32It has all of the letters from my statement in it and then a flame at the top because I
03:39want the person to be hot.
03:42Mine looks like an art project from, like, a little, like, fourth grader.
03:51I'm just looking for something quick and easy, but also satisfying and fulfilling.
03:57He will never forget who I am and I will change his life forever, but he will do little to
04:03nothing on my own heart.
04:04Either getting laid once, like a, like a steamy one night stand, or life partner.
04:10But, like, nothing in between.
04:12Who knows, maybe if we check back in, in a few days, the Tinder will be different.
04:21Within two days of doing the sigil and the oil stuff and the Tinder things, I ran into no less
04:32than five ex-lovers in 48 hours.
04:37I think that I just fucked it up.
04:40I have nothing to report.
04:42Part of the reason we feel so helpless in our romantic lives is because you just have to kind of
04:48sit in New York City and be like,
04:50AHHHHH!
04:51But then, when you do witchcraft, it's like you're at least trying something.
04:57Yeah.
