00:01Meet Xander.
00:03This is how he gave up the female gender.
00:12Two years ago, Xander was Sam,
00:15a girl whose life revolved around the International Church of Christ.
00:19Me and my friends used to talk about, like,
00:21what would you do if you weren't a Christian?
00:23Some people would be like, I'd be a drug addict,
00:25and I'd be an alcoholic, or I'd have sex all the time,
00:28and blah, blah, blah.
00:30And for me, I always knew that I'd be gay,
00:32but I never said that,
00:34because it was just not something you talked about.
00:37The assumption was that you would be lost without God.
00:42Growing up as Sam, Xander never felt all that feminine.
00:45Good God, I hated wearing dresses.
00:48So shedding that identity was a blissful experience.
00:51First it was giving up my hair.
00:54Then it was giving up church and religion.
00:58It was a process, giving up a lot of the religious beliefs I had.
01:02Those stuck with me longer than I thought they would.
01:05That was basically my whole life.
01:07Everything I did and everyone I knew was through that church.
01:11That was kind of the final push, was coming out as gay.
01:15I left the church about a month before I came out to my family,
01:18and they were the first people I really came out to.
01:20And at that point, I had been kind of thinking, like,
01:22okay, I don't think I'm a girl.
01:24Now I figured out I'm a guy, and I've changed my name,
01:28and I've changed my hair, and I've changed a lot of different things.
01:32Here's my first shot of tea.
01:34Finally starting puberty.
01:36Six months ago, Xander started physically transitioning to male with tea, testosterone,
01:41and has been recording the transformation on YouTube.
01:44I feel like my face shape is changing.
01:47Being on testosterone has been interesting.
01:52It's definitely been fun hearing my voice drop,
01:55just seeing how my facial structure has changed a little bit
01:58over the course of the past six months.
02:00I don't have periods anymore, which is, like, the best thing ever.
02:05I certainly feel like I understand teenage boys a lot better now.
02:10Testosterone is a powerful drug.
02:13I love to eat, and I love having sex.
02:15I never thought I would be someone who craves sex as much as I do.
02:19Things I've noticed, guys treat me like an equal.
02:24Unlike when I was a girl, I felt like they treated me kind of condescendingly.
02:29And now I get, like, hey, man, what's up?
02:31Or, hey, buddy, and that's a little jolting,
02:35because it's like, oh, you see me as a person now, not just a woman.
02:40That's how patriarchy, muse, womanhood.
02:46These days, Xander is far away from the person he was two years ago.
02:49He parties, he drinks, he uses dating apps.
02:52Instead of church, he hangs out at a bar called Church.
02:56It is the very antithesis of what I grew up with.
03:01It's definitely not a place for people who are super religious.
03:05The best response I can get to when I come out to someone is,
03:08okay, that's great, moving on.
03:10It's not a big deal.
03:12I don't feel lost at all.
03:15At all.
03:16I feel more found, I guess, now than I did when I was in church.
03:20So, let's make sure I'd love to thank the church.
03:21How I grew up?
03:22I feel more worried about what, how, how, how, how, how.
