00:00Avocado toast.
00:01I don't really understand what that is.
00:04I guess it's good, but I'm, you know,
00:05I'm not going to get a over it.
00:07You want to raise a foodie kid?
00:09That's kind of sick.
00:11You know, it's annoying.
00:12It's so nice to hear you say that.
00:13I like that.
00:14I'm so proud of my little hunter.
00:15He eats sushi.
00:16You know, that's kind of wrong.
00:18I hated brunch because for many years of my life,
00:20any low points in my professional career
00:22when I was sort of unemployable by any, you know,
00:25reputable restaurant for various reasons,
00:27I could always get a brunch game.
00:29And the smell of eggs cooking and French toast
00:31is always the smell of shame and defeat and humiliation.
00:35Until I became a dad and, you know,
00:37if I want the fast track to look cool
00:39in front of my daughter's friends,
00:40you know, make a pancake bar for them of, you know,
00:43your choice, chocolate chip, blueberry, banana.
00:45Truffle oil, horrible.
00:46It's not even food.
00:48It's really on a par with about as edible as Astroglide
00:52and made from the sane stuff.
00:53I don't want to see nachos, teriyaki, sushi,
00:57and spaghetti and meatballs all on the same menu.
00:59How good can they be at all of those things?
01:01I do a lot of really nasty things on my show,
01:04but nothing as soul destroying as my airport Johnny Rockets experience.
01:07I went in, there were like two managers, a cashier, three cooks.
01:11There's no one else in the airport.
01:12I'm alone there.
01:13I order a burger.
01:14They throw a cold burger on a pathway on a bun,
01:17reach into the fry basket for some precooked fries.
01:20They don't even dunk it in the grease, throw a limp pickle on.
01:23They're all standing there in a row.
01:24Nothing else going on.
01:25No other customers.
01:26And we sort of slid it across at me, all looking at me.
01:29And we all sort of stood there silently for a second,
01:32kind of sharing this moment of perfect misery.
01:35There is no food crime worse.
01:37In fact, at the very epicenter of douchedom is the Kobe slider.
01:42If you see Kobe slider on a menu at a restaurant you just walked into,
01:46turn on your heels and leave.
