- 15 minutes ago
Category
🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00:10so we can all agree what's going on with the police and black people right now is totally
00:00:14insane now despite my dark skin and chin hair I am actually a stupid white bitch and my one
00:00:19black friend told me that because I'm white I have all of these privileges and I get treated
00:00:24totally different by the cops then black people get treated but I don't know if that's true so
00:00:29we got to figure this out come on let's get arrested
00:01:00who are smart girls who are smart girls who will taste girls
00:01:18oh hey babe miss you too babe oh yeah oh my god oh you're so deep
00:01:30I want my pussy pop job pop my pussy
00:01:51hi really Jess with the horn
00:01:53I'm excited to see you I'm excited to see you too I want the whole world to know
00:01:58you want some I'm trying to be good take it I'm not hungry take it eat it I don't want
00:02:15it
00:02:16take it oh I don't want it you are so stupid
00:02:30thank you
00:02:33okay are you the only one that came to visit me
00:02:37want to go before you overdose again
00:02:40too soon
00:02:46surprise
00:02:50fuck
00:02:50hey come here I am so proud
00:02:54I'm so proud
00:02:56he just got out of rehab
00:02:58mom seriously a pinata we're not like four years old
00:03:01okay okay babe I'll be right there don't go too far
00:03:04you've left me alone with Jesse long enough
00:03:09mom what
00:03:10what are you doing here dude
00:03:12Cole obviously needed me here
00:03:15this is a very nice party that I played
00:03:18what is the matter with you
00:03:20three years old
00:03:22I was just trying to do something nice for you
00:03:25I did all of your laundry and I folded it nice and put it on the bed for you to
00:03:30see it so you could thank me
00:03:32thank you
00:03:33thank you
00:03:43why
00:03:46guess what you need
00:03:48what
00:03:48a shot
00:03:49no
00:03:50break it's a silver penny
00:03:52why punish yourself drink up
00:03:55why not
00:03:55you're so bad for me
00:03:57no time
00:03:58yeah
00:04:01wahYes
00:04:08Are you having fun?
00:04:10Look, I'm feeling really triggered right now.
00:04:13Oh, baby, it's okay. I'm here, okay?
00:04:15I forgive you.
00:04:16Have you been drinking?
00:04:18He's a jolly good fellow, for he's a sober good foley.
00:04:23For he's a sober good foley, which nobody can deny.
00:04:32It's nobody can deny.
00:04:34Mom, enough.
00:04:36She's ovulating, everyone.
00:04:37My God, fuck this.
00:04:39All right.
00:04:41Do you want some cake?
00:05:26I'm leaving.
00:05:28I'm leaving.
00:05:29Oh, my God.
00:05:30Dollar store sushi.
00:05:31Kill me.
00:05:32I'm such an idiot.
00:05:35I think I have, like, actual food poisoning right now.
00:05:38You're still doing this?
00:05:42No, I have food poisoning.
00:05:50Whatever.
00:05:51I feel much better now, though.
00:05:53I feel much better now, though.
00:06:20Good morning, sunshine.
00:06:25Baby, I made you breakfast in bed because I'm an amazing girlfriend.
00:06:34I miss how bad you smell.
00:06:36I'm still sleeping.
00:06:38No, you know you want it.
00:06:39I don't actually.
00:06:40Yes, you do.
00:06:41You want it.
00:06:42I don't want any of it.
00:06:42You know you want me.
00:06:44Come on, dude.
00:06:46Fuck.
00:06:50Just use the birthday present I got you.
00:06:56Sorry for trying to have sex with you.
00:06:58I'm like the worst girlfriend in the world.
00:07:00Horrible person.
00:07:01Should be executed.
00:07:06Jess, my sobriety is the most important thing to me right now, okay?
00:07:10Well, you're the most important thing to me.
00:07:14Fuck you.
00:07:15You don't get it.
00:07:16I mean, I do.
00:07:17It's not, like, that hard to get.
00:07:36Oh, my God, don't move.
00:07:38Oh, my God, baby.
00:07:40I love you so much.
00:07:42I missed you.
00:07:43Oh, my God, I've been waiting for this.
00:07:46Oh.
00:07:47Oh.
00:07:47Yeah, baby.
00:07:48You feel so good.
00:07:50Oh, my God.
00:07:51Oh, my God.
00:07:52I love you so much.
00:07:53Wait, don't move.
00:08:18I think we need some space.
00:08:25Oh, my God.
00:08:26Wait, wait.
00:08:27Okay, you are obviously high right now.
00:08:29We will get you back to detox.
00:08:30We'll take a cold shower.
00:08:31Baby, it's not your fault, okay?
00:08:32You're sick.
00:08:33I haven't used in a fucking month.
00:08:34What are you talking about?
00:08:35I just don't want to have sex.
00:08:36No, you want to have sex.
00:08:38You just don't want to have sex with me.
00:08:40Well, why can't you understand that I'm doing this for you, too, okay?
00:08:42I want you to have great things.
00:08:43I don't want great things.
00:08:45I want you.
00:08:47Fucking prick.
00:08:48You know what?
00:08:50Fine.
00:08:51Have fun with your new Asian girlfriend.
00:08:53The benefits from all the work I put into you.
00:08:56Sayonara, name your dog after you.
00:08:57I never one time asked you to stay.
00:09:00No.
00:09:01You fucking begged me.
00:09:02Quit being so fucking clean.
00:09:04Free-spirited?
00:09:05Amazing?
00:09:07It's called feminism, bitch.
00:09:12Come on.
00:09:14What?
00:09:14Do you love this?
00:09:16Do you love me?
00:09:21You need help.
00:09:23Me?
00:09:24Yeah, you.
00:09:25You're the fucking junkie, dude.
00:09:27Yeah, have fun with the syphilis.
00:09:29You are the most classic codependent motherfucker I've ever met in my life.
00:09:33The most loving thing that I could possibly do for you right now is to leave.
00:09:37Get that through your head.
00:09:39Bye.
00:09:45Yeah, I could have fucked your dad in Rancho Cucamongo, but I didn't, because I have ethics.
00:09:52Great ass.
00:09:53Shut up.
00:09:54But thank you.
00:09:55I'll go.
00:10:25It's called the
00:10:25Cough, cough, cough.
00:10:30Good.
00:11:07Tastes good.
00:11:11How are you?
00:11:12Wonderful, thank you.
00:11:13Sorry, I don't mean to step on your carpet.
00:11:16Oh, cool. Thanks.
00:11:18I like the floor. I'm very down to earth.
00:11:20So am I.
00:11:21If you don't mind me asking, like, how did you first become homeless?
00:11:25I'm always constantly running away from abusive foster homes,
00:11:29and then I got, I stole one of their vans once,
00:11:32and got in a high-speed police chase,
00:11:34and then I crashed my vehicle and had to have back surgery.
00:11:38Cool. I'm going to go get some sushi, but it was really nice meeting you.
00:11:43Maybe we can go out and eat some time together.
00:11:46Yeah. Oh, yeah.
00:11:47If you're interested on, you know, homeless people.
00:11:50Are you paying?
00:12:16If you don't mind asking, like, how did you first become homeless?
00:12:30Oh, come on.
00:12:31Oh, come on.
00:12:34Oh, come on.
00:12:35Oh, come on.
00:12:38Oh, come on.
00:12:39Oh, come on.
00:12:40Oh, come on.
00:12:42Oh, come on.
00:12:43Oh, come on.
00:12:44Oh, come on.
00:12:44Oh, come on.
00:12:45Oh, come on.
00:12:46Oh, come on.
00:12:47Oh, come on.
00:12:53I just reported Cole as a rapist on Facebook, so you're welcome.
00:12:58Whatever.
00:12:59I'm over that dude.
00:13:01Over it.
00:13:02Good.
00:13:02Honestly, because watching you get codependent with him was like really hard for me.
00:13:07Sorry.
00:13:09Fuck this noise!
00:13:13Let's take Ambien and go to the observatory.
00:13:16Dude, I gotta make an appearance at this party.
00:13:18I know it's like networking, there's agents, I need your body to highlight my personality.
00:13:24Excuse me.
00:13:26Excuse me.
00:13:28Excuse me.
00:13:30Hello, what's up?
00:13:32Killing it?
00:13:33Yeah.
00:13:33All right, drinks are good.
00:13:34Drinks are flowing.
00:13:35All right.
00:13:38Oh!
00:13:38Oh my god.
00:13:39Hey.
00:13:40Do you want to do a cleanse?
00:13:41Do you want to like cleanse with me?
00:13:42Oh my god.
00:13:43Oh my god.
00:13:44I got an Adderall hookup.
00:13:45We don't even have to spend money on food.
00:13:46I'm so happy right now.
00:13:47Oh my god.
00:13:47I'm so happy.
00:13:48I just got like really happy.
00:13:49Shut up.
00:13:50Listen.
00:13:50You have to always be this happy.
00:13:52There's no reason you're not this happy.
00:13:5424 fucking seven.
00:13:55Totally.
00:13:55Totally.
00:13:56Totally.
00:13:56I'm not even like that fucked up.
00:13:57No.
00:13:57No, no!
00:13:57I know, I know.
00:14:08Come on.
00:14:15Oh, yeah.
00:14:17Getting crazy over here.
00:14:18Got your drinks.
00:14:19Oh, thank you.
00:14:20Yeah, no problem.
00:14:21Champagne.
00:14:21They're both champagne.
00:14:22Thanks.
00:14:23Are you having fun?
00:14:24This is my event. I do these all the time. It's like my office. I bring clients here all the
00:14:28time
00:14:29Yeah, are you a pimp? Am I a pimp? No. Well, so I mean I'm a manager for digital content
00:14:35creators like yeah, like social media
00:14:37Wait a minute. I make YouTube videos. This is like karma. Oh, that's great. No, well
00:14:43I already have a makeup tutorial chick, but I'm sure there's no I do her name's Kristen
00:14:48I do like feminist shit like hardcore feminist shit like full Bush liberal
00:14:53This is a weird transition, but are you aware that you're giving off like a really sexual vibe right now?
00:14:59I mean, do you get that often?
00:15:01I'm hungry
00:15:02Yeah, okay. Well, I've got like a lot of snacks back in my place if you want to go come
00:15:07on. Let's go
00:15:08What snack? Cheese and some salami
00:15:13Crackers baby grapes. I don't know if I ate them all so I was in rabbinical school crushing it like
00:15:17crushing it right?
00:15:18But then I felt this divine force kind of pulling me towards new media management
00:15:20I don't know why but I just felt like I had to do it. You know what I mean? Like
00:15:23I don't know why but I just felt like I had to do it
00:15:24You know what I mean?
00:15:26Really interesting. Oh, yeah, that's like super interesting. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I've like a knack for it
00:15:31You know what I'm saying? Like yeah, like the ability to find fresh talent and grooming polishing building boom. That's
00:15:36what I do totally. Oh
00:15:40You're like really easy to talk to you know that
00:15:42Has anyone ever told you that?
00:15:44Hey, we're talking about work because it's super fucking boring
00:15:47Just come dance with me. Yeah
00:15:49Mmm. Hey. Oh, yeah
00:15:53Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:15:56Let's dance
00:15:57What are you doing? Pull your pants off
00:16:00Yeah
00:16:00Yeah
00:16:01Stop fucking filming
00:16:03Don't worry. I have so many great filters. It'd be so tasteful. I don't care if you're fucking Fellini
00:16:07Wait, wait, wait, you know Fellini? You're like the perfect fucking woman. Yeah, I know. Oh, yeah, you know
00:16:15Well, guess what? You want a little prosciutto?
00:16:17Oh, my God!
00:16:18You want a little prosciutto? You want a little crepe?
00:16:20Please stop it!
00:16:22Uh-oh
00:16:23Please stop it!
00:16:24Stop it!
00:16:25You're gross!
00:16:26Here, take a cracker
00:16:29Just take a cracker
00:16:30Just take a cracker
00:16:30Just take a cracker
00:16:34Alright
00:16:45Just make a cracker
00:16:49Yeah
00:16:51Well you're gross
00:16:56We also have a kick
00:17:00Oh my god
00:17:26Oh
00:17:27Holy shit, I know I told you what are you
00:17:32Jess
00:17:34I love how fucking honest you are. Holy shit. You attack the real shit. You fucking go there and you
00:17:39Jess I have been waiting for you
00:17:43For so long like so fucking long. Where have you been? First of all your metrics their shit
00:17:49We got to get you seen got a corporate sponsorships collabing with other influencers, you know, and it's all happening
00:17:54Jess
00:17:54Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, a screening a fucking screening, right? We'll do it here
00:18:00We'll do it here. I'll invite all my connects get a bunch of sushi right because people love sushi, right?
00:18:04I love sushi
00:18:05You know what I mean? We'll get all those lady brands yogurt tampons all of that shit all of it.
00:18:10Yeah, right?
00:18:11Oh, I'm Jessie buy some tampons. I have chin hair. Oh, oh say thank you. Thank you. There we go
00:18:25Mom, I'm sorry if it's Shabbat, but I brought beagles. What the?
00:18:31Oh, hey
00:18:32Fuck
00:18:34Honey, listen
00:18:36Cole's just gonna be staying here for a few days while he gets back on his feet
00:18:40Seriously, Cole, you haven't done enough? Really?
00:18:42It's not always about you, Jess
00:18:45No, it's about you being a fucktard
00:18:48Good boundaries, Cole
00:18:49Thank you, Jacqueline
00:18:51Listen, Jessie, I know this is a lot to process, so sit in the living room, I've got Danish, you've
00:18:57got bagels, I guess, and we can just process
00:19:00Okay, you know what? I don't need this, okay? I have a manager now, so I'm like, I am like
00:19:07Do you need money? If you need money, just ask, honey
00:19:10No, I don't need your dirty menopausal money, okay? Forget it. I'll sell my body in the street for pennies,
00:19:16okay?
00:19:16Alright, Meryl Streep. I'll see you later. Good luck
00:19:19Cole, why don't you take Jessie's room, alright? It's a pigsty, but we'll get it all cleaned up
00:19:30So today is Veterans Day, and I don't know about you guys, but when I think of veterans, I feel
00:19:36like dog shit
00:19:37Our vets have been getting fucked, right? So now it's time for me to fuck a vet
00:19:46Are you a veteran? Yeah, what? Oh my god, I'm gonna sleep with you
00:19:48No, you're not
00:19:49You wanna have a little, uh, champagne on Isis? I have an IUD
00:19:53I-E-D, not IUD
00:19:54This medication makes me tremble, and so I can make it stop
00:19:58Yeah, but you're really just, like, dropping it all the time, you know what I mean?
00:20:02Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, twerk, twerk for America, it's your lucky day
00:20:07Have you fucked a vet today?
00:20:15Hmm?
00:20:16Let's hear it, am I right?
00:20:18Alright, this is Jessie, the most exciting face in female branded content, right now, bar none, okay?
00:20:26Now who's ready to sign her?
00:20:28There are no bones for monetization in this project
00:20:32Like I mean none whatsoever
00:20:34Nothing, okay
00:20:35Zero, nada
00:20:36Okay, we heard you, Chloe
00:20:37So many
00:20:38Um
00:20:40Listen, guys
00:20:41Real
00:20:42Real women
00:20:43You see this?
00:20:44Real women, okay, are the next big wave of clickbait
00:20:47No one likes women that real
00:20:49Are you kidding me?
00:20:51I mean, come on
00:20:52So, Stuart, did you remember to water the plants?
00:20:55Cause you're the house sitter
00:20:57You don't even live here, so...
00:21:00You know, we're not gonna sit here and take this bullshit from you guys who are clearly, clearly a bunch
00:21:06of amateurs
00:21:06You know what, J-Dawg, let's take a walk
00:21:08Fuck you guys
00:21:11Thanks for coming
00:21:12Don't thank them, come on
00:21:19Hey, Jess, can I get your ride?
00:21:22You don't have a car?
00:21:23I like to, you know, keep my options open
00:21:26I'm just gonna walk
00:21:27Wait, do you wanna, um, grab a burger?
00:21:29You wanna grab a bergie?
00:21:30I'm not hungry
00:21:30Grab a bergie, huh?
00:21:31I'm not hungry
00:21:32It's on me, it's on me
00:21:34I'm just gonna walk home, okay?
00:21:36Hey, Jess, talent never walks, okay?
00:21:38But if you aren't, can I walk with you?
00:21:41Because I don't really like this area, it's a little unsafe, I feel like
00:21:44I need some time alone, okay?
00:21:47Oh, I get it, no, you think I'm a loser
00:21:50Like everybody else
00:21:51Sorry I wasted your time, I'll leave you there
00:21:56Stuart, wait, wait, Stuart, of course I don't think you're a loser, okay?
00:22:00It's alright, it's whatever
00:22:01It's totally my fault
00:22:02Remind me never to wear a jumper
00:22:04Holy camel toe
00:22:05I was gonna tell you that
00:22:07You're so fucking talented and like, you deserve everything
00:22:12I don't know, I just, I feel like I let you down
00:22:14And I'm not, I'm gonna, I'm gonna
00:22:16Stuart, you're my guy
00:22:18I don't care if you have a fancy office
00:22:20Or a car
00:22:21Or a house
00:22:23Or a bed
00:22:24So you're not firing me?
00:22:26No
00:22:26I can't
00:22:29We're out here
00:22:30Hey, hey, listen to me, listen to me
00:22:33I'm not gonna let you down, okay?
00:22:35I won't
00:22:35And fuck these lame ass brands, alright?
00:22:37They don't deserve you, you deserve better
00:22:39I'm gonna make it better, okay?
00:22:40Why does this, why is this extra, what is going on here?
00:22:42Why does this feel extra squishy?
00:22:43What did you, did you take, did you, did you really take the sushi?
00:22:47What?
00:22:48I was hungry
00:22:49You look, you look amazing
00:22:51You look great
00:22:52We gotta keep this professional, alright?
00:22:53I can't have you wanting to work
00:22:54It's just
00:22:55Okay Stuart, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:22:56Oh shit, Sadie's still here
00:23:00What?
00:23:01It's Sadie
00:23:02Who's Sadie?
00:23:03She's a huge vine star, Jess
00:23:05Play cool, play cool
00:23:06I'm gonna, we're gonna go play around
00:23:07Stuart, they're like four years old
00:23:10Shhh
00:23:10Sadie!
00:23:11Sadie!
00:23:12What up girl?
00:23:13What's going on?
00:23:15Yo
00:23:15What?
00:23:18What?
00:23:18This girl
00:23:18Is Jess
00:23:20This girl breaks the internet on the Dizzy
00:23:23This is some vine shit, but you are hella funny, Jessie
00:23:26Yeah
00:23:26So dope
00:23:27So dope
00:23:28Your vet video?
00:23:30When you told that guy that he was worth getting HPV for
00:23:32I died
00:23:33So funny
00:23:34So dope
00:23:34Died, it was so funny
00:23:36By the way, just to be clear though, Jessie doesn't really have HPV
00:23:39Well I do have HPV, but it's not the background
00:23:41So fucking weird
00:23:42Oh
00:23:43You know what?
00:23:44I just, holy shit, I just remembered
00:23:46I have that investor meeting with Ryan down at the thing
00:23:50We should, and I, you know what?
00:23:51Would you mind giving Jessie a lift?
00:23:54Cause I gotta head out of here
00:23:54Yeah I got you
00:23:55Whatever
00:23:56Let's chill
00:23:56Wait
00:23:57Listen
00:23:58Listen
00:23:58This girl runs the fucking internet, okay?
00:24:01So I need you to get in good
00:24:02We'll collab, we'll do some videos
00:24:04And stuff like that
00:24:04So just play cool
00:24:05But get to know her
00:24:06But also like be aggressive about it, okay?
00:24:08Work it
00:24:09Work it
00:24:09Alright
00:24:10Well I'm gonna, I'm gonna head out
00:24:12But uh, you girls have fun
00:24:14It's a pleasure to see you
00:24:15Okay
00:24:16Well, alright
00:24:16So
00:24:17See you guys later
00:24:19Okay
00:24:21Hey, are you 21?
00:24:24Yeah, totes
00:24:25So you said you could buy booze?
00:24:27On piano
00:24:27Save Poisoner Shise
00:24:29On piano
00:24:34On piano
00:24:35On piano
00:24:36On piano
00:24:38Owen
00:24:38On piano
00:24:41On piano
00:24:41On piano
00:24:41Sadie Sadie!
00:24:41What?
00:24:44Find the shit
00:24:45On piano
00:24:47On piano
00:24:48On piano
00:24:49On piano
00:24:50On piano
00:24:50On piano
00:24:52Oh
00:24:54Who's party are you at?
00:24:56Who's party are you at?
00:24:59That looks pretty good.
00:25:02That looks good.
00:25:09Whoa, you guys have expensive teas.
00:25:12Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:14Can I borrow, like, five bucks?
00:25:16We're stealing this shit.
00:25:18Oh, right, right. Cool, cool.
00:25:20Okay, I've got a plan.
00:25:22Dude. No.
00:25:24Just walk the fuck out.
00:25:26Yeah.
00:25:27Watch and learn, bitch. You can't just walk out.
00:25:30Yes, you can, dude. Just do it.
00:25:31Move that diaper button, do it.
00:25:42Jessie, move!
00:25:44Jessie!
00:25:46Come on, dude!
00:25:48So all you need is, like, 20 ounces of soda,
00:25:514 ounces of Tessin, and a watermelon sucker.
00:25:54And this is what we call lean.
00:25:57Oh, shit.
00:25:57Am I gonna, like, OD or whatever?
00:25:59Don't be a pussy, Jessie. It's like cold medicine.
00:26:07Um, I super love smoking weed and, like, hitting the bong,
00:26:10but I don't actually think I should,
00:26:12because last time I smoked weed, I thought my cat was, like,
00:26:14a Nazi raping me.
00:26:16What?
00:26:17You dumb whore.
00:26:20Dumb whore?
00:26:22We don't do that. We're sexually liberated females.
00:26:25Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
00:26:32I think she's gonna get so fucked up!
00:26:34It tastes like Cherry. It's delicious.
00:26:36Yeah!
00:26:37She's gonna get wasted!
00:26:38I don't feel anything. This is, like, really weak.
00:26:42Sadie! Find the shit. I'm moonwalking forward!
00:26:44Oh, okay.
00:26:45Find the shit!
00:26:47No! I'm not inspired.
00:26:51Sober!
00:26:52Don't even feel anything!
00:27:09I'm drowning! I'm drowning! I can't breathe! Mommy! Help me! I can't breathe! I can't breathe! I can't breathe! I
00:27:20can't breathe! She needs help, Sadie. Dude, someone help me!
00:27:24Jessie! Jessie! Jessie! I'm drowning! Mommy! I'm drowning! Help me! The water's so deep! You're not even in the water,
00:27:35dude! Mommy! Chloe! Who is cold? I'm gonna just get this straight. This guy cheated on you, OD'd in your
00:27:45bathroom, and is currently living with your moms. Yeah, but it's a really complicated situation, okay? You're so young. You
00:27:52don't understand. Love is painful.
00:27:53No, anal is painful. Yeah. Love is easy. You just gotta keep that shit on lock. I got my shit
00:27:59on lock.
00:28:00If my mom was fucking my boyfriend, I would beat that biatch down! Fuck yeah. Wait, they're not fucking, are
00:28:08they? Probably. But they're my family. No, fuck that.
00:28:14I got this right here. This is your family. We're your family. But you got us a scrub. And you
00:28:22know what we do with scrubs? Checko! Checko!
00:28:28To protects me! Checko! Checko!!!
00:28:30Checko! Checko! Checko! Checko! Takeo! Free!
00:28:3325% Station!
00:28:36Go!
00:28:51You wrote the plot out from the start I made yourself a beating heart I was the one who
00:28:58Stole your crown, you want the wall
00:29:01And the big is not now
00:29:03If anti-air means anti-hors
00:29:05Or can't read us with the discuss
00:29:08Ain't no verse, it's tale of magic
00:29:11Hors of a bad and our magic
00:29:14Oh, oh, oh, yeah
00:29:16Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah
00:29:19Oh, shit
00:29:26Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
00:29:34What are you doing?
00:29:36Oh, shit!
00:29:38She's in the lawn!
00:29:40She's in the lawn!
00:29:42Oh, my God!
00:29:44Hello?
00:29:45Who's out there?
00:29:49What's all that laughing? Who's out there?
00:29:51You gotta go!
00:29:52Go!
00:29:52Go!
00:29:53Go!
00:29:53Go!
00:30:00And then she shit on the lawn!
00:30:03Shit the lawn!
00:30:05Shit the lawn?
00:30:06No, I didn't!
00:30:07I shit the lawn.
00:30:12How old are you anyway, dookie booty?
00:30:15I'm like...
00:30:1725.
00:30:19What?
00:30:19Yo, to Jessie!
00:30:20The cougar with the Jew titties.
00:30:22Look at, them babies.
00:30:24Look at them scrumptious.
00:30:26Let's toaster that motherfuckin' spin!
00:30:28Jessie! Jessie! Jessie! Jessie! Jessie! Jessie! Jessie! Jessie! Jessie! Jessie! Jessie! Jessie! Jessie! Jessie!
00:30:33Swick that shit on me! Jessie!
00:30:34Jessie!
00:30:35Yeah!
00:30:37I'm sorry!
00:30:38You take it baby.
00:30:39Oh shit!
00:30:40You take it baby.
00:30:41Take it, take it.
00:30:42Take it!
00:30:43Take it!
00:30:44Take it!
00:30:46Take it!
00:30:47Take it!
00:30:47Take it!
00:30:48Take it!
00:30:48Take it!
00:30:48Take it!
00:30:50Take it!
00:30:51Take it!
00:30:53Baby, get your shit together.
00:30:56Seni, are you okay?
00:31:02Weak!
00:31:03Weak!
00:31:04Weak!
00:31:06Weak!
00:31:07Weak!
00:31:08Weak!
00:31:08Fuck this.
00:31:09Weak!
00:31:10Alright, alright.
00:31:11Let's go.
00:31:12Come on.
00:31:12She's fine.
00:31:13But baby, come on.
00:31:14She's good!
00:31:15She's good!
00:31:20Yeah!
00:31:22Yeah, girl!
00:31:26You're doing amazing right now.
00:31:27You're gonna feel so much better.
00:31:29Oh, I call you.
00:31:32Did Tyler see?
00:31:34Listen to me, okay?
00:31:36You do not have to keep hurting yourself.
00:31:40Okay?
00:31:45Mwah!
00:31:45Ooh!
00:31:46Ooh yeah, that's the one.
00:31:48Look, now you're so skinny, we can have dinner again.
00:31:50Okay.
00:31:52Nachos?
00:31:55Oh my god, where is the spa?
00:31:57There's no cell service.
00:31:59Stuart?
00:32:00Fuck me sideways.
00:32:01Can you believe that somebody left a human duty in the bushes?
00:32:04Can you imagine?
00:32:05Thank god for Cole.
00:32:06He marched out there this morning and he cleaned it up.
00:32:11I guess you're gonna give me the silent treatment the entire weekend?
00:32:14Is that it?
00:32:14No.
00:32:15No, no, no, no.
00:32:16I, uh, I fully intend to keep talking about the fact that my ex-boyfriend is living with
00:32:20you.
00:32:20Honey, you have to understand the bigger picture.
00:32:23I am doing this for you.
00:32:25I'm helping him stay sober for you.
00:32:27I gotta take a shit.
00:32:28You know how many times your father tried to get away from me?
00:32:32And I'm the one who proposed to him.
00:32:35I guess I never told you that.
00:32:37And I insisted we not abort you.
00:32:39So you're welcome.
00:32:41Let the 48 hours of fun begin.
00:32:44Ooh, we could get a couple of massage.
00:32:54We like to keep it really chill.
00:32:57Hikes every morning start at 4.30am.
00:33:01Oh, by the way, Sage, on my itinerary it says that Jessie is my guest, but she's not my guest.
00:33:06She's my daughter!
00:33:08That's really cool.
00:33:09All right, ladies.
00:33:11Let's turn in all of our cell phones.
00:33:13You'll get them back at the end of the weekend.
00:33:16What?
00:33:17Oh yeah, we're an internet-free zone.
00:33:19So you're here to just completely unplug and connect with your inner bandwidth.
00:33:24Oh, I'm not interested, but thank you so much.
00:33:26No.
00:33:27Oh shit, I have one bar.
00:33:28Call Stuart.
00:33:30Stuart!
00:33:30Great.
00:33:31No, that's good.
00:33:33I just have an emergency.
00:33:34I think I'm getting a...
00:33:35Honey.
00:33:35Amber alert.
00:33:36Come here!
00:33:37Here, wait, I learned a new yoga move.
00:33:39Right.
00:33:40Now breathe, and just let go.
00:33:44Honey, you are addicted, okay?
00:33:46You need to unwind.
00:33:48Namaste.
00:33:49Yeah, you're right.
00:33:50Why would I want a reminder that I'm a complete and total failure?
00:33:55Do you want a Luna bar?
00:33:57Here, let me get you one.
00:34:00Oh shoot!
00:34:01I just remembered Cole took the last one.
00:34:04Stop saying his name!
00:34:05Stop!
00:34:06Cole?
00:34:07Stop saying his name, Mom!
00:34:10I'm sorry.
00:34:14You know what?
00:34:15I don't forgive you.
00:34:16Jesse.
00:34:17I'm never gonna forgive you.
00:34:19It's not okay.
00:34:21I'm gonna go get some fucking kale.
00:34:24Oh honey.
00:34:26Ugh.
00:34:30Jesus Christ.
00:34:33Dude, can I get some bread?
00:34:35Or like, quesadilla or something?
00:34:38It's a no bread zone.
00:34:39What?
00:34:41The meals are silent.
00:34:42What are you talking about?
00:34:44No bread.
00:34:45I just need like a BLT.
00:35:01Honey, listen, I've got great news.
00:35:03Mom, this is a fat camp.
00:35:05No, no, no.
00:35:06It's a spa.
00:35:07I spoke to the camp director.
00:35:08Mom, there's no bread.
00:35:09There's no talking during meals.
00:35:11Everybody looks like they're about to fucking die of starvation.
00:35:14Honey.
00:35:15This is totally a fat camp.
00:35:17Would you listen to me?
00:35:17Is that why you brought me here?
00:35:18Because you think I'm fat?
00:35:19No, no, no.
00:35:20It's a spa.
00:35:21Like seriously, Mom.
00:35:22Honey, it's a spa.
00:35:23I spoke to the camp director.
00:35:25And it turns out the class for teaching your dog how to meditate, it's been cancelled.
00:35:29So I put in a good word for you.
00:35:31And now, it's going to be an evening with Jessie Kaye.
00:35:36Mom, I don't want to perform for a bunch of menopausal anorexic yogis, okay?
00:35:40I thought you said this was supposed to be relaxing.
00:35:44I'm going to have to pay for all this food if you don't eat it.
00:35:47I'm going to have to pay for this stuff.
00:35:50All right, ladies.
00:35:52Who here is ready to cleanse your aura?
00:35:55You know, maybe you can get your eyebrows done.
00:35:58I'd love to see an arch on you.
00:36:03Hey, stranger, you want to practice for tonight?
00:36:07I can't, Mom.
00:36:08I signed up for a private class.
00:36:09You're right.
00:36:10This place is great.
00:36:11I feel so spiritual.
00:36:13That's awesome.
00:36:14High knees.
00:36:15Hit it up.
00:36:15You don't want to practice, though.
00:36:17I want to see shaking.
00:36:18No, Mom.
00:36:18It's private.
00:36:20Shaking is your weaker self dying.
00:36:21Kill it!
00:36:22Kill it!
00:36:23Go!
00:36:23Navel to the motherfucking slime, Jessie!
00:36:26Go!
00:36:27Go!
00:36:27Go!
00:36:28Go!
00:36:29Go!
00:36:29Go!
00:36:39Go!
00:36:40Go!
00:36:41Go!
00:36:42Go!
00:36:43Go!
00:36:44Go!
00:36:45Go!
00:36:45Go!
00:36:45Go!
00:36:46Go!
00:36:46Go!
00:36:46Go!
00:36:47Go!
00:36:47Go!
00:36:48Go!
00:36:53Go!
00:36:57Go!
00:36:58Jesse! Jesse! Jesse, please. Would you please stop goofing around? Come on, you got to get ready for the big
00:37:07gig.
00:37:08I think there's something really wrong with me, Mom. I really don't feel good.
00:37:14Well, you don't look sick.
00:37:17What are you, pregnant?
00:37:19Yeah, I let my vibrator come inside me.
00:37:22Get out of my face.
00:37:23Charming.
00:37:25Come on, honey.
00:37:27I just need to stay here and chill.
00:37:29I don't get it, Jess. I spent all of this money so we could have this mother-daughter, you know,
00:37:34bonding experience,
00:37:35and all you've done is run away from me the entire weekend.
00:37:39Well, all I want to do is show you off to all of my friends.
00:37:43Show them how funny you are.
00:37:45It's a captive audience. It's a win-win.
00:37:50Please, please, please, please.
00:37:57Please, please, please. I'm not getting any younger. Please, please. Please, for your menopausal mother, please.
00:38:06Show them how funny you are.
00:38:08She's such a psycho.
00:38:14Um, excuse me?
00:38:16Yeah.
00:38:17I'm just looking for the wall.
00:38:19The wall? Oh.
00:38:20Like, to pray for Hashem?
00:38:23No, for the demonstration.
00:38:24Hold on.
00:38:26Hey.
00:38:27Cute guy's here.
00:38:28Oh, yeah.
00:38:29Maybe I'll find a Jewish guy after all.
00:38:31Uh, probably not in these parts.
00:38:33Really?
00:38:35This is the West Bank, and we're going to a demonstration against the Apartheid Wall.
00:38:41Do you hear that? They've started.
00:38:44Is this where I put the note?
00:38:46No, no. Don't touch it.
00:38:47You see the soldiers over there? If you touch the fence, then they will shoot.
00:38:51They're kind of cute, though.
00:38:52Yeah.
00:38:53Shalom.
00:38:54Can I have diet tear gas? I'm kind of trying to watch my way.
00:39:01Thank you. Thank you all so much. Thanks.
00:39:05Just a friendly reminder that I have a new book coming out.
00:39:09If you want to get it, it's available for pre-order.
00:39:12I also, I mean, I have private clients, but I do some corporate counseling.
00:39:15Anyhow, by far, the best thing that I have ever produced.
00:39:20My daughter, Jessie Kay.
00:39:22Thank you, ladies.
00:39:27Does anyone know how you can get an abortion for a mother?
00:39:33Yes, Sage.
00:39:35Your work must get a lot of pushback, so how do you deal with all the criticism?
00:39:39She doesn't get any criticism.
00:39:40Aren't you worried about your safety, Jessie?
00:39:42No, no. It's not real. It's just a movie.
00:39:46Okay, well, for me, it feels really reckless.
00:39:49I'm not reckless. I'm brave.
00:39:51Oh, honey, it's not brave. That's not brave.
00:39:53I mean, you're hurting yourself to get attention.
00:39:57Like, God, that makes me so sad.
00:40:00I feel sorry for you. Like, I think it's sad, that sad, that...
00:40:05I mean, you're hurting yourself to get attention.
00:40:09Like, okay, I'm sorry. You know what? I think it's sad.
00:40:13You think your daughter is so great, she's in NASA, whatever, but...
00:40:17Honey, tell him the story about the hummus.
00:40:19All the story. And all she did...
00:40:21Hummus.
00:40:21What is he?
00:40:22To get attention, like...
00:40:23Hummus. Hummus.
00:40:25Hummus.
00:40:25Hummus.
00:40:25Jessie?
00:40:26Oh, hi.
00:40:27Hi, Dad.
00:40:28Want you to have a little apple juice?
00:40:30Honey, are you okay? I missed you so much.
00:40:32You're going to be just fine.
00:40:34She has a really sturdy energy, Mom.
00:40:37Ah, yeah.
00:40:38Sturdy like I'm fat.
00:40:39Honey, come on.
00:40:41Stop that.
00:40:41But, Jacqueline, you could really stand to put on a pound or two.
00:40:44Jesus Christ.
00:40:46Uh-oh.
00:40:46What is this? Is this a tumor?
00:40:49Oh, my God.
00:40:50You're molesting me now, okay?
00:40:51Honey, I'm really sorry about making you get up there.
00:40:55I was only trying to help.
00:40:57I know, Mom.
00:40:59Oh, you were doing so well.
00:41:01Right before you fell, everybody was laughing at you.
00:41:05Hey, here.
00:41:07I've got a present for you.
00:41:10Oh, my God. Thank you so much.
00:41:14Thank you, Mom.
00:41:15Yeah, she feels good.
00:41:15Oh, my God.
00:41:17Ah.
00:41:21What? What's wrong?
00:41:22I need to borrow your car, okay?
00:41:24I got to go back.
00:41:26Okay.
00:41:26Thank you so much.
00:41:27Okay.
00:41:27I love you.
00:41:28I had a great weekend.
00:41:29Namaste.
00:41:30Namaste.
00:41:31Does it work?
00:41:31Does it work?
00:41:32Do we manifest something?
00:41:47Do we manifest something?
00:41:58Do we manifest something?
00:42:02Oh, shit.
00:42:04Oh, God.
00:42:08Oh, shit.
00:42:09Oh, God.
00:42:10Oh, God.
00:42:14Oh, God.
00:42:18Oh, God.
00:42:19Oh, God.
00:42:39Jess, can I stay here for just a couple of days?
00:42:44Look, I can't sleep without your cold feet rubbing up against me.
00:42:49It's like bacon or eggs or something.
00:42:53Pancakes.
00:42:54How are you sleeping?
00:42:57Shitty.
00:43:00Fuck, who's that?
00:43:03Where's that?
00:43:04What the fuck?
00:43:05Geez, there you are.
00:43:06What the fuck?
00:43:06Where the hell have you been?
00:43:08What's up?
00:43:08You scared me.
00:43:09What's up?
00:43:10You're what's up.
00:43:11100,000 views.
00:43:12What are you talking about?
00:43:14Sadie.
00:43:14She posted that poopy video that you guys did.
00:43:16Yeah, and now it's everywhere.
00:43:18She linked your YouTube channel to her Vine followers.
00:43:20A billion of them.
00:43:21And now you are everywhere.
00:43:23Huffington Post.
00:43:24Buzzfeed.
00:43:25Everywhere.
00:43:25Killing it.
00:43:26What?
00:43:27Do you feel it?
00:43:28It's all happening.
00:43:29Oh my god.
00:43:30Who the fuck is this?
00:43:31Who the fuck is this?
00:43:32I'm our manager, bro.
00:43:33Who's this?
00:43:34You have a manager?
00:43:36Oh shit.
00:43:37Hold on.
00:43:38Hold on.
00:43:38Okay.
00:43:39I just got an email from Waste Media.
00:43:41All my boys down there.
00:43:42They are dying to meet you.
00:43:43So we're going to go down there.
00:43:44Sit down.
00:43:45Talk to them.
00:43:45They want to buy all of your shit.
00:43:475pm.
00:43:47Today.
00:43:48Boom.
00:43:48Oh my god.
00:43:49Yep.
00:43:50Yep.
00:43:50I mean, I did it.
00:43:52Well, technically I booked the meeting.
00:43:54But yes, you are the talent.
00:43:55So you did it.
00:43:56Yeah.
00:43:57Fuck yeah.
00:43:58Fuck yeah.
00:43:58Fuck yeah.
00:43:59Fuck yeah.
00:44:00Fuck yeah.
00:44:00Wait, wait.
00:44:01What am I going to wear?
00:44:02Should I wear like a jumper?
00:44:03Should I do like a full shave?
00:44:04Should I do a full shave?
00:44:05You got a beard.
00:44:06Do you think I should do a full shave bro?
00:44:07I don't fucking care.
00:44:08You know what?
00:44:09Whatever.
00:44:09I'll probably just do a trim.
00:44:11We did it.
00:44:11I'm like a dream team.
00:44:13Dream team.
00:44:13Dream team.
00:44:15We're the dream team.
00:44:16We are the dream team.
00:44:18We are the dream team.
00:44:18We are the dream team.
00:44:19Yeah.
00:44:20Oh, oh, oh.
00:44:21Oh my god.
00:44:22I have like 40 billion hits right now.
00:44:23That guy's such a douche.
00:44:26Dude, I'm getting like hella likes.
00:44:27I forgot how fucking lame most people are.
00:44:30Did Oprah just retweet me?
00:44:33Mike?
00:44:35Look Jess, I made a huge mistake, okay?
00:44:40I think we should get back together.
00:44:44Seriously?
00:44:46Dude, you're not supposed to make any changes your first year of sobriety.
00:44:50I like read the pamphlet.
00:44:52Exactly, okay?
00:44:53Dumping you was the big change.
00:44:56I made a mistake.
00:45:00Okay.
00:45:00You can stay here for like a couple days.
00:45:03But like...
00:45:04Okay.
00:45:04I just need...
00:45:05A couple days and then we'll see.
00:45:06No, we won't see.
00:45:08I need to think.
00:45:09Okay.
00:45:09We'll talk about it.
00:45:15Can I have my computer back?
00:45:17Come inside.
00:45:30I love waste.
00:45:32I'll be perfect for you guys because I only feel comfortable when I'm out of my comfort zone.
00:45:42And that's why I'd be perfect for waste media because I don't just get you.
00:45:46Put on your big girl pants for your big girl meeting, huh?
00:45:50Good for you.
00:45:51Stop being weird.
00:45:53Stop being so fucking sexy.
00:45:55Stop being so fucking sexy.
00:45:55Shut up.
00:45:58Stop it!
00:46:00Ow!
00:46:03Noah.
00:46:04I don't want to kiss you.
00:46:05I don't want to kiss you right now.
00:46:07No, your breast smells like tuna salad.
00:46:15I have to go.
00:46:17Take your pants off.
00:46:19Pants off.
00:46:20Cole, don't take my pants off.
00:46:21I can't be late, Cole.
00:46:24Don't be a tool.
00:46:26I have to go to my meeting.
00:46:31Stop it.
00:46:32Feel how hard you make me.
00:46:33No, I don't.
00:46:37You know you want to get fucked in the ass, feminist slut.
00:46:45Oh my god.
00:46:46Oh my god.
00:46:47Don't stop doing that.
00:46:59Oh my god.
00:47:03Thanks, baby.
00:47:04I gotta go.
00:47:06I really gotta go.
00:47:08Stop.
00:47:09What are you doing?
00:47:11Cole, stop it.
00:47:12Stop it.
00:47:14Stop it.
00:47:15Ow.
00:47:16You're breaking me.
00:47:18Cole, stop it.
00:47:20Seriously, stop it, dude.
00:47:22I got...
00:47:25I gotta go to my meeting.
00:47:27I ain't going anywhere.
00:47:28Ow.
00:47:30Ow.
00:47:33Ow.
00:47:34Ow, babe.
00:47:34That really fucking hurt.
00:47:36Shhh.
00:47:36That really fourth.
00:47:36Uh...
00:47:44Uh...
00:47:45Uh...
00:47:47Uh...
00:47:53Uh...
00:47:57What if?
00:48:05Um...
00:48:15Oh, damn.
00:48:21Hey, what's wrong?
00:48:24Listen, this is just a formality, all right?
00:48:26They already love you, all right?
00:48:28They're ready to green light anything that you want to do.
00:48:31I'm going to get you paid, moolah.
00:48:33I feel fat, though.
00:48:34Why do you feel fat?
00:48:36You look great.
00:48:37All right, we're about to walk into this meeting.
00:48:40We're going to fucking kill this.
00:48:40Just tell me...
00:48:43We're going to crush us.
00:48:47Just tell me what...
00:48:48We're going to crush us.
00:48:50We're looking to invest in creators who have, um,
00:48:54you know, something to say.
00:48:55We're looking to take chances, be bold.
00:48:58We're not looking for another pair of tits.
00:49:00Jesse is the hottest feminist YouTube creator right now.
00:49:04I mean, this chick is batshit crazy, all right?
00:49:06She would try to join fucking ISIS and have an orgy.
00:49:09I'm telling you, this girl is amazing.
00:49:11Seriously, like, I would kill to work for you guys.
00:49:13Like, go get my mother.
00:49:14I will slaughter her on this mid-century table.
00:49:17She'll fucking kill her.
00:49:18She'll fucking kill her, man.
00:49:20That's funny.
00:49:21And let me tell you guys this right now.
00:49:24You looking at me?
00:49:25You need to get on the Jesse train right now.
00:49:28We are getting a lot of offers.
00:49:31Tons of them.
00:49:32You guys need to be a part of it.
00:49:33Who are these offers?
00:49:36Hmm?
00:49:37These offers you speak of?
00:49:40Well, we got some big players up north, Silicon Valley.
00:49:45Oh, okay.
00:49:46Uh-huh, yeah.
00:49:47New money.
00:49:48Mm-hmm.
00:49:48Equity deals, all that stuff.
00:49:50So, what's her influencer score?
00:49:53Her primary demo, her metrics, too.
00:49:56Metrics, metrics.
00:49:57Metrics are also high.
00:50:01So, uh, why don't we, uh, just get out of here, Jake?
00:50:03Okay, let's, uh...
00:50:04Fuck this shit.
00:50:05You're breaking me!
00:50:07I feel fat, though.
00:50:08Why do you feel fat?
00:50:09We're out looking for another pair of tits.
00:50:11That'd be cool.
00:50:12You definitely, uh, be in the top.
00:50:15Good luck, Jesse.
00:50:18Fuck this shit.
00:50:19Jesse, I'm just...
00:50:20Shut the fuck up, Stuart.
00:50:21I am so sick of asking men with man buns and tuna breath
00:50:25for permission to be myself.
00:50:27Am I good enough, funny enough, thin enough,
00:50:30good enough, pretty enough, Asian enough?
00:50:32Is my pussy clean enough?
00:50:34You guys pretend to be this edgy fucking company,
00:50:36but you know what?
00:50:37There is more pussy fear in this room
00:50:39than the Republican National Convention.
00:50:42And the truth is, fuck my fucking metrics, dude.
00:50:44I am making videos so real and so raw
00:50:47and so from my heart,
00:50:49you don't even know how to watch them.
00:50:51Because you don't deserve to watch them.
00:50:53You don't fucking deserve me.
00:50:55None of you fucking people do.
00:50:57God is a woman.
00:50:58Fuck the patriarchy.
00:51:00Bye!
00:51:12Oh, hey, sexy.
00:51:14Don't touch me.
00:51:16Oh.
00:51:17Oh, right.
00:51:17We're gonna pretend to break up again.
00:51:19I'm not pretending.
00:51:21We're done.
00:51:21You're pathetic.
00:51:22Really?
00:51:24Really?
00:51:24Really?
00:51:25Look, we both know that
00:51:26for all the empowered woman bullshit
00:51:29that you spew out in the world,
00:51:30that deep down you're just a scared little girl.
00:51:33You do not know shit about me.
00:51:34You're only as sick as your secrets.
00:51:38I should have let you die that night
00:51:39when you overdosed in Vegas.
00:51:41That's what I should have done.
00:51:43Hmm.
00:51:43Oh, really?
00:51:44Mm-hmm.
00:51:45Why don't you go back to the fucking bathroom?
00:51:47Why are you even cooking this fucking food anyway?
00:51:49We all know what happens, Jesse.
00:51:51Get the fuck out of here.
00:51:51It's no secret.
00:51:52Get the fuck out of here.
00:51:53Come on.
00:51:54Get out!
00:51:55What?
00:51:56Yeah, you fucking pussy.
00:52:01Get the fuck out of here.
00:52:26Young man, oh my.
00:52:29Swing over in your lies.
00:52:30Not human, you'd arrive somewhere that can't be defined.
00:52:34May our stars inspire you know.
00:52:36We're gonna find out about race, race in America,
00:52:41racial tension, does race still exist?
00:52:44Why does every black guy want to have sex with me?
00:52:46These are life's big questions.
00:52:48As a fine young black man,
00:52:50would you have sexual relations with me?
00:52:51You don't have to, but would you?
00:52:53Yeah.
00:52:54Would you hit this?
00:52:55Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:52:56Yeah, I would, sure.
00:52:57Would you hit this?
00:52:59Yeah?
00:53:00I'm pretty much a relationship type of person.
00:53:02So you're like wham, bam,
00:53:04let's have a joint checking account, ma'am.
00:53:06I try to stay positive.
00:53:08I try to stay faithful, spiritual,
00:53:14clean, and honest.
00:53:17Sounds like a real angry black man to me.
00:53:19These white men don't look at me.
00:53:22White men look through me.
00:53:23White men are like, excuse me,
00:53:24get out of the way, Filipino boy.
00:53:26Would you guys hit this?
00:53:27I'm not gonna answer that on camera.
00:53:29Exhibit A.
00:53:30Cute, windy, indie white boys with beards fucking hate me.
00:53:33Is it just like,
00:53:34is it a cultural thing?
00:53:36Are your standards just lower?
00:53:37Are you drunk?
00:53:38Well, how would,
00:53:40how does wanting to be involved with you
00:53:43have to do anything about lowering standards?
00:53:46I mean, that's not a compliment to yourself.
00:53:55Stuart, what is with all the cryptic text, dude?
00:53:57There she is, my favorite.
00:54:00Dude, I already told you,
00:54:01I don't need you.
00:54:02I do not need any penises in my life anymore.
00:54:05This is good, right?
00:54:05This is good,
00:54:06but save it for the fucking cameras, J-Dog.
00:54:07What cameras?
00:54:09I heard a voice from deep within me, all right?
00:54:12A spirit, if you will.
00:54:13A voice that said,
00:54:14pick up the phone, Stuart,
00:54:15call waste.
00:54:16Explain to them that that little PMS breakdown
00:54:18that you had
00:54:18was simply just an example
00:54:20of your groundbreaking brand.
00:54:22That you are exactly the fucking person
00:54:24that they need on the front line.
00:54:26And guess what?
00:54:27What?
00:54:28They fucking bought it, Jess.
00:54:30They fucking want you.
00:54:31They're sending you to the Middle East,
00:54:33to Pakistan or Palestine,
00:54:35I don't know,
00:54:35one of the fucking piece,
00:54:36but they're sending you tonight.
00:54:37Red eye.
00:54:38Boom.
00:54:39And guess what?
00:54:40I'm going with you, J-Dog.
00:54:42Oh my God!
00:54:43Okay.
00:54:44All right, all right.
00:54:46Oh my God!
00:54:47You little shit!
00:54:48I don't know what to say!
00:54:50Thank you!
00:54:51Listen,
00:54:52now that everybody loves you, though,
00:54:54don't forget you love me.
00:54:56Everybody loves me?
00:54:58Come here.
00:55:00One day this will all be ours.
00:55:02Go pack your bags, camel toe!
00:55:05Oh, oh, oh!
00:55:07Palace at Pakistan.
00:55:10Well, hi, Em.
00:55:11I love you.
00:55:12Pakistan?
00:55:13Congratulations!
00:55:14So listen, Mom.
00:55:16I was going through a rough patch,
00:55:18but things are going to get better.
00:55:20Honey, better?
00:55:21What do you mean better?
00:55:22I am, like, in such a better place now.
00:55:24I'm, like, so good.
00:55:26Like...
00:55:26Honey.
00:55:27What?
00:55:28You can tell me anything.
00:55:30Anything.
00:55:31Okay.
00:55:32So here's the thing.
00:55:34Are you gay?
00:55:36No, Mom.
00:55:38You can be gay.
00:55:39Everybody's gay now,
00:55:40and it's all right.
00:55:41No, Mom.
00:55:42Our dog walker is gay.
00:55:43She's a lesbian.
00:55:44Although she seems profoundly unhappy, but...
00:55:46Oh my God.
00:55:46I don't have time to shave.
00:55:48That doesn't mean that I like pussy.
00:55:51You know what?
00:55:51You don't need to listen to Grandpa,
00:55:53because not everybody needs to have babies
00:55:56and get married right away.
00:55:58That's not that, Mom.
00:55:59And you can always freeze your eggs.
00:56:01I am bulimic.
00:56:06I don't understand.
00:56:07I was, like, a little bulimic,
00:56:09and now I'm not anymore, so...
00:56:12Honey.
00:56:13You're not bulimic.
00:56:17I mean, it's not, like, a suggestion.
00:56:19Well, you're just...
00:56:20You're beautiful, and you're happy,
00:56:22and you're successful,
00:56:24and you're tan.
00:56:27Ugh, Mom.
00:56:28I thought you'd be, like, happy for me,
00:56:30because I'm better now,
00:56:32because I got better.
00:56:34I mean, you say to me,
00:56:37I'm...
00:56:38I was bulimic,
00:56:40but now I'm better?
00:56:41You need to, like, you need a lesson
00:56:43in how to be a mother right now.
00:56:44I went through a really hard thing.
00:56:46I'm better now.
00:56:48You're proud of me.
00:56:49Go ahead.
00:56:54I mean, like, it's, like...
00:56:56Are you, like, seriously that dumb, Mom?
00:56:59Like, I honestly feel bad for you at this point.
00:57:02Why are you telling me this?
00:57:07Forget it, okay?
00:57:08I...
00:57:09I shouldn't have said anything.
00:57:11I'm successful.
00:57:12I'm happy.
00:57:13I'm tan.
00:57:15I have to pee.
00:57:29You are the parent.
00:57:30She is the child.
00:57:32She's gonna die soon.
00:57:35Mama!
00:57:37Need some wine?
00:57:38Jessie.
00:57:39It's okay.
00:57:40I forgive you.
00:57:42I think you should leave.
00:57:45Seriously?
00:57:46Yeah.
00:57:48I got so much going on
00:57:50with my book tour coming up
00:57:51and I'm in the middle of the renovation
00:57:53and you're not the only one with stuff.
00:57:56You know what I mean?
00:58:01Have a good trip.
00:58:09All that I want is a pair of wings to fly
00:58:16into the blue of white...
00:58:20Oh, Miss Jessie!
00:58:22Hi!
00:58:23Hola!
00:58:24It's been so long.
00:58:25I've missed you.
00:58:27Do you have any day-old donuts by chance?
00:58:29I'm going to the homeless shelter,
00:58:31so I wanted to drop some off.
00:58:32Oh, you are so sweet.
00:58:34I love you.
00:58:35Oh.
00:58:39Here you go.
00:58:41God bless you.
00:58:43Jesus loves you.
00:58:44Jesus loves you.
00:58:57Jessie, I'm at the gate.
00:58:59Where the fuck are you?
00:59:00I'm on my way.
00:59:01I'm almost there.
00:59:02But you can't miss this fucking flight,
00:59:04all right?
00:59:05Everybody from Waste is here.
00:59:06Everyone is waiting for you.
00:59:08Dude, chill out.
00:59:09I'll do that.
00:59:10I'll do that.
00:59:11The plane is boarding.
00:59:14Boarding.
00:59:15Yeah, I can see the airport from here.
00:59:19I'm...
00:59:19Fuck.
00:59:20God bless you.
00:59:26I'll do that.
00:59:51Run, run, dive into the flow, I could take you where the river go, run, run, dive into
01:00:00the flow, I could take you where the river go, run, run, dive into the flow.
01:00:09Where are we going to go?
01:00:10Ta ta ta for now.