00:00We came here to Washington, D.C. to celebrate the free press.
00:04There are hundreds of journalists here from the failing New York Times
00:08to the failing pile of garbage BuzzFeed to the failing
00:11What the f*** is ProPublica? It sounds Mexican.
00:14I know your job has never been harder.
00:16You basically get paid to stand in a cage while a geriatric orangutan and his pet mob scream at you.
00:22It's like a reverse zoo.
00:25But you carry on.
00:26You dig up misdeeds and fraud by the powerful.
00:29You expose injustice against the weak.
00:31And you continue to fact-check the president as if he might someday get embarrassed.
00:37I know it looks like we have a cash bar tonight.
00:39But as I promised you in the invitation, at a later date, I will get Mexico to pay for all
00:44your drinks.
00:44I'm not being mean. I'm a journalist, Sam.
00:47It's my job to hold powerful people accountable.
00:50Oh my God. Are you calling me powerful?
00:52Doesn't having a female host for this dinner demonstrate a clear anti-white male bias?
00:59Absolutely not. Sam is not at all biased against white men.
01:02She just can't tell you apart and thinks you all know each other.
01:04You guys would always sneak up on me with gotcha questions like, why are we going to war?
01:09Gotcha.
01:09Why did you not respond to Hurricane Katrina?
01:12Gotcha.
01:13What is your middle name?
01:15Gotcha.
01:15I just wish someone had told me that all you have to say is fake news over and over again.
01:20Without a free press, we wouldn't have a functioning democracy.
01:23It just goes to show you a giant pussy can get elected president as long as he doesn't have one.
01:30Cheers.
