00:00Like a kinder.
00:01F***ing hell, mate!
00:02He's got his number on the side of the van.
00:04Get that number.
00:05Hello?
00:05Well, hi.
00:06You've just been driving and nearly crashed into my Uncle Barry's car.
00:11I don't think so, pal.
00:12So I got your number off the side of the van.
00:15I will be waiting to know how's your driving absolutely crap.
00:19Well, have you got cameras or anything, though?
00:20Yeah, I've got a dashcam.
00:21Right, sure you do.
00:22I tell you what, mate. I've got a dashcam as well.
00:24Yeah, and you'll see that you nearly crashed into us.
00:27Right, one second.
00:28No, it approves, it approves.
00:29Hello?
00:30Hello?
00:30Hello?
00:31Right, shut up.
00:32You just nearly crashed into us, then.
00:33That was my lad just speaking to you, then.
00:37Why are you talking to him like that?
00:39You just nearly crashed into us.
00:40I've crashed into you.
00:42You just nearly crashed into us.
00:43No, I haven't.
00:44Yes, you have.
00:44No, I haven't. What are you chatting for?
00:46Yes, you have.
00:48Right, where was this, then?
00:49That was in Northern Quarter in Manchester.
00:51You've just passed us.
00:53I'm in the grey jag.
00:54You've just nearly crashed into us.
00:56Oh, right. Oh, you've got to bring me the jag and the jag into it, have you?
00:59Nah, right, sure.
00:59Yeah, they have, yeah.
01:00I know your type.
01:01My type.
01:02Do you know how to drive?
01:04Obviously not.
01:04Where are you now, then?
01:05Where are you now?
01:06We'll come and have a chat.
01:07Why, do you want to go and have a chat?
01:08We'll have a chat.
01:09Rather than being over the phone, you think I'm just bringing that I've got a jag into it,
01:13you know my type.
01:14I'll come and see you.
01:14Tell me where you are now.
01:15I'll work.
01:16I'll come and see you.
01:17I can **** your head and I can go home and have my tea.
01:19How's that?
01:21I'd like to see your tripod.
01:22I'll just levy you.
01:23No, you won't, lad.
01:24Shut up.
01:25Have you heard your little head?
01:26Why did you just nearly crash into me?
01:28I know I didn't.
01:30Yes, you did.
01:31Where are you now?
01:32I'll come and see you.
01:32I told you I'm on my way to Wimington.
01:34Right, I'll see you in Wimington in about 15, 20 minutes.
01:37Right, sure you will.
01:38So who's took on the number down?
01:39My lad's just took your number down.
01:41Come here.
01:42I took your number down.
01:44I took your number down.
01:45I took your number down and then it was just ringing in and out because we took your number down.
01:50Right, put your dad back on it.
01:51Oh, I wonder that.
01:52What?
01:52Right.
01:53So, and what?
01:54And what?
01:56You don't even know what you're saying, mate.
01:57Listen, lad, there'll be two hits, me hitting you and you hitting the floor, so shut your mouth.
02:01Brilliant.
02:02That's a good one.
02:03Where'd you learn that one?
02:04Get that off a lollistic, yeah.
02:06Yeah, yeah, sure it was, mate.
02:08Sure it was.
02:09Nice one.
02:09Why don't you practice in driving rather than delivering?
02:13Practice driving, yeah?
02:14I'm bored of this now.
02:15You're finished, yeah, so I can get home with the rest of me day.
02:18You're going to try and crash into more people, yeah.
02:20No, I'm going to do me job like a normal person, like a person who actually has to graft for
02:23the work rather than just living off the parents' dough.
02:25So what?
02:25I've earned it myself, mate.
02:27You've got some more big.
02:27Mate, I've earned to drive this Jaguar.
02:30I bring happiness to people every single day.
02:32What do you do?
02:33Sure, oh, do you.
02:35Is that what you do?
02:37Mate, I can't wait to come and see you around.
02:39I'll see you moving in about 20 minutes.
02:41All right, see you in a bit, you clown.
02:42Right, yeah, sure.
02:42But yeah.
02:43Right, this is what's going to happen to you.
02:46Phone dead.
02:47Absolute clown.
02:48Move!
02:49Oh my God!
02:51Why did you just do that?
02:52What a clown!
02:53Hello?
02:54Are you the driver of the white van who just nearly crashed into me?
02:58I am the driver of the white van.
03:00Right, okay.
03:01Just to let you know, I've got your number off the back of your van.
03:03You just nearly crashed into me.
03:05I don't think so, pal.
03:06Who are you anyway?
03:07No, I know you.
03:08I just want to let you know, you need to start your driving out.
03:11Is it some sort of joke?
03:13No, you've just nearly gone straight into the side of me.
03:16Listen to me, you.
03:17Listen to me.
03:17No, you listen to me.
03:18No, you listen to me, mate.
03:21No, you listen to me, mate.
03:31You're going to drive like the way you did.
03:32Well, you shouldn't be calling this number.
03:33Listen, mate.
03:34I'm a very busy man.
03:36I'm on deliveries and I don't need this.
03:38Right, well, we'll just have a straightener then.
03:39Where are you now?
03:40I'll come and see you.
03:41Yeah, fine.
03:42I'm driving.
03:43I'm heading towards Limb Services.
03:44Limb Services?
03:45Yes.
03:46Alright, I'm going that way anyway, right?
03:47I'll tell you what, mate.
03:48I'll be there.
03:48You pull up there and we'll sort this out.
03:50What, and you clapped out white van again?
03:52Are you on your own as well?
03:53Of course I'm on my own.
03:54I don't need anybody.
03:55Who are you anyway?
03:56What's this all about?
03:57You just nearly crashed into me.
03:58Just nearly crashed into me.
04:00Where?
04:00Where?
04:00In town, in Manchester, in town.
04:02I haven't been in Manchester for over half an hour, mate, so.
04:05Yeah, so it took me ages to try and...
04:07I don't think you'll have to compensate some sort of scammer, but it ain't going to work
04:10with me, mate.
04:11You better bring a few mates with you, because I'll take no people like you, mate.
04:14You sound like a bit of an old fellow as well.
04:17No, I'm a living show lad, mate.
04:19That's all.
04:19Oh, you're living show?
04:20Oh, I'm scared, mate.
04:21I'm well-known, mate, there.
04:23So you just...
04:23Oh, yeah.
04:24Who are you?
04:24Who are you?
04:25Pick her then.
04:26Oh, mate.
04:27Pick me on.
04:28If you meet me at liver services, I'll see you there.
04:31Do you understand?
04:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:32I'll be there, mate.
04:33I'll be there.
04:34Don't worry.
04:34Well, good.
04:35Good.
04:35But you need to sort out your driving.
04:37That's the main thing.
04:38You need to sort out how you drive.
04:39This is some sort of joke you'd have to sort of compensate.
04:42You ain't going to work with me, pal.
04:43Who do you even work for?
04:45Amazon.
04:46I'm a delivery driver.
04:47Are you some sort of joker or something?
04:49Is this some sort of joke?
04:50No.
04:51Why can't you drive?
04:52Your driving's a joke.
04:53That's what it is.
04:54My driving's impeccable, pal.
04:56Okay.
04:56And if you want to make something of it, I suggest you follow me to that service station
04:59and we'll sort this out.
05:01If you would have crashed into me, it would have gone through insurance.
05:04You wouldn't like that, would you?
05:05Well, I can assure you my van's got cameras on it, so if you want to make something
05:08of it, get in touch and we'll check the cameras.
05:12Yeah, we'll check the camera on your van.
05:13Yeah, well, that's what we'll do, pal.
05:15Bugger.
05:15Anyway, you need a new van.
05:17I don't need this nonsense.
05:18I don't need your nonsense driving.
05:20Where'd you get your license from?
05:22It's a cereal packet.
05:23Should've done a test, mate.
05:25Listen, I'm very busy.
05:26I don't need stupid little idiots like you.
05:28Not stupid, mate.
05:29Waking your time.
05:30I'm not stupid.
05:31I told you, just follow me then.
05:33I'm going to limb service station now.
05:34We'll sort you out there, shall we?
05:36Alright, see you soon.
05:38Clown.
05:41Oh, well.
05:43I'm wondering, how do I go about getting a job as a truck driver?
05:49Because it looks dead easy.
05:50Well, the first thing you have to do, mate, is stop talking like that
05:53because you'll get the sh** kicked out of you in the yard.
05:56So, just letting you know, I'm a third damn black belt in Kenpo Jiu-Jitsu,
05:59so no one's going to beat me up.
06:01So, how do I get...
06:02With a voice like that, I'm sorry if it all pick on you, do you, mate?
06:05How do I get a job driving a truck?
06:06Because it just looks dead easy.
06:08You're HDB1 or 2?
06:10Which one have you got with license?
06:12One?
06:12Number one's the best, innit?
06:14You've got that, have you?
06:15You're HDB1 driver.
06:16No, I want to be the driver.
06:18Have you come through the agency, or are you just falling off the bat to get a job?
06:21Because I was thinking of the easiest job.
06:23What are the easiest jobs that I can get?
06:25I thought, I can get a job as a pilot, because they've got autopilot,
06:29and I thought, hmm, I don't like heights.
06:31And then I thought, ah, I could get a job as a truck driver,
06:35because all they do is just sit in lay-bys, watching the phones.
06:38You cheeky little, listen mate, this is a wind-up, I haven't got time for this today.
06:43No.
06:44I've got people to speak to.
06:45Yeah, speaking to me, so can I get a job?
06:48No.
06:48You've got the point, innit?
06:49Just, I've seen the amount of money that truck drivers are on,
06:52and I think, yeah, I could do that.
06:53For that amount of money, I sit in the lay-by, watching my phone,
06:57I draw the curtains, go for a sleep.
06:59Sounds lovely, but you've still got to drive the truck.
07:01Because now I'm really just in a lay-by, not sometimes.
07:04It's a serious job, mate.
07:06Is it?
07:06You cannot take heavy goods lightly.
07:08I don't need training.
07:09It's been 20 years.
07:10Shush.
07:10Yeah, you sound like a smart , if I'm honest with you, mate,
07:13but I don't want to speak to you.
07:14Yeah.
07:14Because I'm busy.
07:16I'm very articulated.
07:18But I do struggle, I do struggle spelling HGV.
07:22You struggle spelling HGV?
07:24Yeah.
07:25Good.
07:26How old are you?
07:27Old enough for a job.
07:28So, can I...
07:29Well, you'd know how to f*** right off, then, wouldn't you?
07:31Oh!
07:33Right, they're waiting to speak to me,
07:34and I'm speaking to you and waiting my time.
07:36I'm not waiting your time.
07:38I'm going to go.
07:39Can I...
07:40Go where you want.
07:41I'm going to ring your back.
07:43You are not ring...
07:44Try that, sometimes.
07:45See how far you get.
07:47I'll probably get you on the end of the phone.
07:49I've got a phone or ID.
07:51I'll know it's you,
07:51because it'll come up on the screen.
07:53Can I get a job or what?
07:55What?
07:55Can I get a job or what?
07:56No, you can't get a job.
07:58I'll tell you what,
07:59not only do you have to be a different age,
08:00but I think you've actually got to grow up.
08:02Is that why you're not a truck driver?
08:03You're a receptionist.
08:05No.
08:06Get yourself...
08:07I'm a truck...
08:08I'm a truck, you s***er.
08:09I just got my phone.
08:11Do you a favour, mate.
08:13This time of year.
08:13Just go and take yourself ice skating while it's thin.
08:19Right, let's see.
08:20I've got to go,
08:20because there's a truck driver show in there.
08:25If there's one of ours,
08:26if he's in our union,
08:28he'll probably kill you.
08:29No, it won't.
08:29Bye.
08:30Love you.
08:31Bye.
