00:00hidden have you got it i've been trying trevor i've been trying come on over here all right i
00:08ain't gonna hit you i've been trying i know i know
00:18i thought you said you wasn't gonna hit me i thought you said you were gonna find
00:23michael townley there's two michael townley living in ls one is 83 and the other one is at
00:32kindergarten i asked the teacher to put him on the phone just to be safe but she threatened to
00:40call the cops i ain't no molester trevor shut up before i molest you all right now is there anything
00:46else i i looked through the phone directory i did find a michael gesanta about the right age
00:54married with two kids what's his wife's name amanda amanda yeah you're a genius you moron come on come
01:04here don't you ever not tell me things i want to know sorry trevor run you little bastard get out
01:15here we're going to los santos are we not you me and wade what about me you're ceo of trevor
01:24phillips enterprises find us some business so that we can make some money and tidy my shit up
01:30let's go wait come on i'm driving you can jerk me off if i get bored i'm joking you can
01:39suck me off
01:42are we gonna stop for ice cream um so so we're headed to los santos then soon i gotta make
01:51a stop
01:51oh what's the stop ice cream this reminds me of the time i went to a gathering it's exciting
01:58if we're taking a road trip we'll like need a car won't we yeah yeah yeah i'm on it
02:17where are your people at in los santos it's just my cousin there floyd he's bunking with his
02:23girlfriend someplace called kakuchi beach so uh what's your stop family's important wade
02:30it's not as important as the man that's employed you mentored you and fed you amphetamines this
02:36last year but it's important we gotta pay this cousin a visit i ain't seeing him in a while
02:42trevor all the more reason to drop by okay uh the guy might be nice but where are we stopping
02:50on
02:51the way because you know i'm getting kind of wet over here
02:53for fuck sakes another chapter of the lost descended on this fine town
02:58looking to mourn maybe revenge their death
03:01i wasn't thinking me and you can pay our respects
03:04driver i i i don't think we'd be welcome there i mean
03:09what do you want to well
03:11have them on their way to begin with
03:30the gas is up here wait till dark before i drop in again
03:55i got you getting bobbed you got a pistol with the game
04:04you can make a flag on it yeah i took them those are my gifts for these friends
04:09sit tight
04:12don't be long
04:14don't be long
04:25don't be long
04:29don't be long
04:33don't be long
04:39don't be long
04:40don't be a bitch
04:40don't be long
05:00there you go
06:23He ain't gonna do us again.
06:26Sweet fucking revenge.
06:29Trevor can handle this himself.
06:32We're ready for him this time.
06:34Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
06:38I shot myself.
06:40Big, great brothers!
06:42Just...
06:43mine and my own fucking madness.
06:45Go, go, go, go!
06:47Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
06:50There's no shoes.
06:51Good stuff!
06:52I think I scare you all!
07:01Now that that's over, let's get out of town.
07:04Gross freaking Santos!
07:06That go okay?
07:08I heard like a banging...
07:09and screaming...
07:11like I knocked the guy behind.
07:13Yeah!
07:13It went good, Wade.
07:15We don't have to think about the loss no more.
07:17Let's go find my old buddy.
07:19This Michael Townley guy must have pissed you off real bad
07:23for you to want to find him so much.
07:25He didn't piss me off!
07:27The guys that killed him?
07:29The federal government.
07:30They pissed me off.
07:31But...
07:32If he's dead...
07:34Who's next?
07:35Now you're starting to grasp the pertinent questions.
07:38Who is this guy using my dead friend's tired-ass movie quotes?
07:42With my dead friend's alias?
07:43And my dead friend's family?
07:45The house I must have been paid for with my dead friend's stashed millions?
07:49Wow, that's a real mindfuck.
07:52I'll show you a fucking mindfuck.
07:54I'm gonna stick my boy in your eye.
07:56It's gonna come out of your ear, huh?
07:58I didn't mean anything by that, Pete!
08:01Trevor?
08:02Move up your eyehole, fucker!
08:04Cause I'm gonna fuck your tiny mind, huh?
08:06I'm about ready to turn you into roadkill!
08:09Fuck!
08:10Please!
08:11Don't turn me into anything!
08:13I just wanna be Wade!
08:17Are we nearly there yet?
08:19No, Wade!
08:21Are we nearly, nearly there?
08:23You keep this up, you're not gonna get there at all!
08:26Can you tell me a story?
08:28No, Wade!
08:29Good play again, then!
08:31You know animal, mineral, or vegetable?
08:34I'll go first!
08:35I'm nanotechnology!
08:37What?
08:37You're what?
08:39Damn it!
08:40I gave it away!
08:41I want you folks to stay where I am!
08:44I'll start again!
08:45Animal, vegetable, or mineral!
08:47Hey, hey, hey, hey!
08:48How about this?
08:49I'll tell you a story!
08:50If you promise never to speak again!
08:53I like stories!
08:54Of course you do!
08:55This story's about a boy called Tri...
08:58Tri-uh, Trisha!
09:00Is Trisha a boy's name?
09:01It doesn't matter!
09:02How weird!
09:04He was weird!
09:05He was the smartest, toughest, weirdest kid in Canada!
09:09Well, in the Canadian border region of America!
09:11Okay!
09:12This boy, he had all the talent, charisma, and guile that a boy could have!
09:18But he didn't know what to do with it!
09:19He should become a bankball player!
09:22No, he shouldn't!
09:23Because he's not a fucking sellout idiot!
09:26Or hockey player!
09:27He did for a while, but his coach accidentally had a stick jammed up his ass!
09:32What could he do?
09:34That's it!
09:35That giant sprawl!
09:38Los Santos!
09:40Oh!
09:41G-git!
09:41G-git!
09:45So, this is Los Santos!
09:47I guess it is!
09:49I always wanted to come here!
09:52But you got stuck in the desert?
09:54It still can, Andreas!
09:56Best part of the state!
10:45You start to leave!
10:45You start to leave!
10:46You start to leave!
10:47Back to life, huh?
10:50It's been nearly ten years,
10:52which you'll keep for another day or so, huh, old friend?
10:56You motherfucking fuck!
10:59I grieved for you!
11:02You weren't even fucking dead.
11:04You were my best friend.
11:08Well, guess who's coming to shit on your doorstep, you fuck!
11:14Lloyd ain't around here. What are you doing?
11:17What are you doing?
11:26Los Santos, the city of shitheads.
11:30Where else would he be?
11:32It's this hugey beach where he's staying.
11:35Will you tell me the story?
11:38About that boy, Tricia?
11:40Ah, yeah. Where were we?
11:42You were saying what he could do.
11:44He couldn't throw, and his coach had a stick accident like I had one.
11:51Right, right.
11:53But he could fly planes, this kid.
11:55So he signed up to the Air Force to fly all day long, and bomb villages, and maybe just maybe
12:00drop the nuke.
12:02And it was all going well until one day, just before he got his wings, an evil witch in charge
12:08of psychological evaluations told him he was unstable.
12:13Grounded him for life. That's terrible!
12:15It was! It sent him to a deep pit of doubt and despair.
12:20And just then, just as he hit rock bottom, he met a fat, silver-tongued troll under a bridge.
12:26That's cool. What was your troll's name?
12:29Mike! Michelle!
12:31A lady troll?
12:32He had tits like one, but no, he was a boy.
12:36Michelle is a funny name for a boy.
12:39Well, this was a funny boy.
12:41He sat under his bridge, robbing anyone who passed him by.
12:45Sometimes, he'd go into town and rob his shops and inns and such.
12:49And he persuaded our hero that maybe he should rob people too.
12:52And you know what?
12:53Little Trisha did rob people.
12:56And little Trisha was good at it.
12:59And they look happily ever after?
13:01For a while.
13:02Until the troll met another troll in a strip club.
13:05And they fell in lust.
13:07And he bought her a pair of fake troll tits.
13:09Even bigger than his real troll tits.
13:11So she could make more money stripping.
13:14Maybe a little on the side without call work.
13:16But you didn't hear that from me.
13:18Wow.
13:18And then, she pushed out a pair of little trolls.
13:21And the big bad troll under the bridge went soft.
13:25Hold on, what?
13:26So little Trevor made a new friend called Brad.
13:29And he was thinking about cutting my clock when it all went to shit.
13:32Then Mike got killed and Brad went to jail.
13:34Did all the names just change?
13:36Or am I missing something?
13:38Shut up!
13:39And then the fat ugly troll came back from the dead.
13:43Oh!
13:43Oh!
13:44We're near Flood's house.
13:46I've seen it on I-Find map.
13:48I'll give you directions.
13:54Keep it straight now.
13:57Just straight over this one.
14:00This one's a riot.
14:06Just stay far away from me!
14:08Just stay far away from me!
14:08Flood!
14:08Go straight on here.
14:11You are so smart.
14:12Gigs to plank!
14:13I think it is, at least.
14:15Last night was dead.
14:19Flood!
14:21Flood!
14:24Look up here, Trevor.
14:26What's all about this?
14:31Just set it up next time we talk.
14:33Later.
14:35What's wrong?
14:36It's me, Wade.
14:37Who?
14:38Me, Wade, your cousin.
14:40Who?
14:41Your cousin!
14:43Fuck!
14:44He's come to visit you, you rude fuck.
14:45Now get up off the floor and fix me a fucking drink.
14:48Oh, you, Wade.
14:50I heard you was off smoking meth somewhere.
14:53No, not somewhere.
14:54Here, he's gonna smoke meth here.
14:56Give me a fucking lighter.
14:58You can't smoke here.
14:59Okay.
15:00This is my girlfriend's place.
15:02She's at a business conference.
15:03You can't smoke here and you can't stay here.
15:06How's it going, cousin?
15:07It's been a while.
15:08Yeah, I ain't seen you since you was caught in Evelyn's bed.
15:10A guy that was never proved.
15:12You gotta go.
15:13Both of you.
15:14My girlfriend?
15:15She'd kill me if she knew I had guests.
15:18It's not much of a girlfriend if she don't like your family.
15:20Now would you get me a fucking drink?
15:22I'm not gonna ask you again.
15:23Oh, yeah?
15:24Okay.
15:25Wait.
15:26I ain't got no booze.
15:28Then you go out and fucking get me something.
15:29You go, too.
15:31All right.
15:32Okay.
15:33Fuck.
15:33Fuck.
15:33Fuck.
15:34Fuck.
15:36Fuck.
15:38Fuck.
15:38Fuck.
15:40Fuck.
15:41Fuck.
15:42Fuck.
15:42Fuck.
15:43Fuck.
15:44Fuck.
15:45Fuck.
15:45Fuck.
15:45Fuck.
15:45Fuck.
15:45Fuck.
15:45Fuck.
15:45Fuck.
15:45Fuck.
