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00:00 All right, man, I gotta tell you something.
00:01 This whole Allah told me thing is blowing up,
00:04 but you're gonna have to put all of it in a book
00:05 if you want anyone to take you seriously.
00:07 Yeah, I thought about it,
00:09 but I've got zero inspiration for that kind of thing.
00:11 Or I could just make a list,
00:13 like the Ten Commandments from that Jewish guy
00:14 who split the sea in half.
00:16 Holy shit! I got it! Come with me!
00:20 One Bible and one Torah, please.
00:23 Wait, bro, you're gonna get busted!
00:25 Relax, we're just gonna remix this.
00:28 They won't see a thing.
00:30 All right, so for now, we keep...
00:33 Circumcision, we keep.
00:34 No pork, we keep.
00:36 Hell, we keep.
00:37 Love your neighbor?
00:39 Yeah, we're throwing that out.
00:40 I like a good fight.
00:41 Right.
00:42 You just prefer sending other people to fight for you.
00:45 Shut up.
00:45 Oh, and we're gonna need a holy day, too.
00:48 Yeah, but Saturday and Sunday are already taken.
00:50 We'll take Friday.
00:51 Oh, and add something so that in an inheritance,
00:53 women get less than men.
00:55 My dad's about to kick the bucket,
00:56 and I don't want my sister keeping half.
01:00 Which is why I always be able to win for the end of the year.