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Enjoy The Keystone Cops Comedy Caper (1955), a classic comedy adventure filled with hilarious mishaps, chaotic chases, and slapstick humor. Step back into the golden age of vintage cinema and experience the timeless charm of classic comedy. Perfect for fans of old Hollywood films, vintage movie stars, and nostalgic comedy entertainment.
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00:03:45You leave her alone, or I'll punch you right your nose. Sit down. Sit down.
00:03:55The End
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00:05:09Any time you make a date with me, keep it. Any time you make a date with me, keep it.
00:05:12By the way, did you put your age $5,000 in the bank?
00:05:15The money, the money, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it, take it,
00:05:21take it. How many? One? You're cute. You're silly. So is your old man.
00:05:27Oh, hey?
00:05:43Aye, hey, hey, hey, what?
00:05:47Huh whoosh, huh?
00:05:59Willie, do you realize the person that puts money in this moving picture business is going to make a fortune?
00:06:04Give me that money. Now, I got to put that in the bank like my aunt told me to do.
00:06:08Willie, listen to this. See it right here?
00:06:10Do you want to become rich?
00:06:11If so, invest in this new entertainment medium, Motion Pictures.
00:06:17$5,000 cash buys a fully equipped studio.
00:06:20Willie, opportunity is knocking at your door.
00:06:23Tell him I'm not home.
00:06:24I went to the bank.
00:06:25Oh, wait a minute, Willie. Have you no foresight?
00:06:27I can see it up in lights now.
00:06:29Pipers, phenomenal pictures.
00:06:31Willie Piper, President.
00:06:32Harry Pierce, General Manager.
00:06:34That's what'll happen if you give me the $5,000.
00:06:36And if I give you the $5,000, I'll be Willie Piper the poor man.
00:06:39No, look, we're only borrowing the money.
00:06:41We'll pay your aunt back in no time.
00:06:43There's a fortune made in these comedy pictures.
00:06:45Comedies?
00:06:46Yes.
00:06:47Oh, Harry, I don't like comedies.
00:06:48I like those dramatic pictures where the little girl says to her papa,
00:06:51Papa, please, Papa, don't beat me.
00:06:54I'm beating you, Papa.
00:06:56Don't beat me, Papa.
00:06:57I'll get the money free of you, Papa.
00:06:59Don't beat me, Papa.
00:07:00You should be ashamed of yourself beating up your son like that.
00:07:11If I ever catch you beating that boy again, I'll report you to the juvenile authorities.
00:07:22Hey, did you get hurt?
00:07:24What's the idea of having me beat up?
00:07:26I didn't mean to have you beat up.
00:07:27Here, you can take the money.
00:07:28I'll take the money after I have you beat up.
00:07:31Oh, don't.
00:07:32Don't strike your poor old father.
00:07:33Don't strike your poor old dad.
00:07:36I'm your father's son.
00:07:38Don't hit me.
00:07:38Please don't hit me.
00:07:39Listen, you can take the money.
00:07:41Take the money.
00:07:41But don't have me beat up.
00:07:42Look, don't have me beat up.
00:07:43Please don't have me beat up.
00:07:45Don't beat me up.
00:07:47What did I just tell you?
00:08:03You did it again.
00:08:04I'm sorry, Harry.
00:08:05Here, you can take my aunt's money and buy the studio.
00:08:08Thanks.
00:08:09Could I have a receipt?
00:08:10With pleasure.
00:08:19Now, if you'll sign right here, Mr. Piper, this will complete the transaction and you'll
00:08:24become the proud owner of the best studio in the country.
00:08:27Now, Mr. Corman, if this is such a good studio, why do you want to sell it?
00:08:32Mr. Piper, that question shows what a shrewd businessman you are.
00:08:37The fact of the matter is, I happen to own two studios.
00:08:39This one in West Orange, New Jersey, and one in Brooklyn.
00:08:43The long trip is just too much for me.
00:08:45So I'm selling you the studio in West Orange.
00:08:51Harry, don't you think we ought to see the studio first?
00:08:53Now, Mr. Gorman is a very busy man.
00:08:56Mr. Piper is perfectly right.
00:08:58He should see it.
00:08:59And busy though I am, I'm going to show it to him.
00:09:02Here's a picture of it.
00:09:10Say, what's the sign, Edison?
00:09:13That's my middle name, Joseph Edison Gorman.
00:09:17Now, will you please sign here?
00:09:32Mr. Piper, Mr. Pierce, I want you to meet one of my leading ladies.
00:09:37Miss Van Cleef.
00:09:39How do you do?
00:09:41How do you do?
00:09:42Darling, I don't want you to get too upset.
00:09:44I've just sold the West Orange studio to Mr. Piper.
00:09:48Oh, thank heavens.
00:09:49I hated that trip.
00:09:51The ferry made me seasick.
00:09:53Well, best of luck, gentlemen.
00:09:54And if there's anything I can do to help, just let me know.
00:09:57Lots of success to you.
00:10:14I've got a new deal figured out.
00:10:22I withdrew all the money from the bank.
00:10:28No more running.
00:10:30We're going legitimate.
00:10:32The cops will be glad to hear that after they put you away for a long stretch.
00:10:35The cops will be looking for Joe Gorman, who no longer exists.
00:10:39Instead, he will be the famous European director, Sergei Tumanov.
00:10:47How are you going to do this?
00:10:48With mirrors?
00:10:49Now, nose job, a mustache, a Marcel Toupe, that'll do the business.
00:10:54Well, what about the directing?
00:10:56The only directing you've ever done was to steer some sucker to his bank.
00:10:59Look, Leota, in Hollywood, it isn't what you are.
00:11:01It's what they think you are.
00:11:03We'll arrive there with such a fanfare of publicity that every Hollywood bigwig will roll out the red carpet.
00:11:11Well, the way you say it, it sounds wonderful, Joe.
00:11:34That's my finger.
00:11:36Hit the head.
00:11:49Two more suckers.
00:11:53Hey, just a minute, mister.
00:11:56I know.
00:11:56You bought the studio from a man named Gorman.
00:11:59You're right.
00:12:00How did you know?
00:12:02Follow me, sir.
00:12:10Look at these.
00:12:13Cushman Studios.
00:12:15Brent Productions.
00:12:18Struthers Kinema Company.
00:12:21Brent Studios.
00:12:23I don't get it.
00:12:24Willie bought this studio.
00:12:26I have the bill of sale right here in my pocket.
00:12:28They all had a bill of sale.
00:12:30This plant belongs to Mr. Thomas A. Edison.
00:12:33This is the first motion picture studio ever built.
00:12:37It dates back to 1893.
00:12:40It isn't used anymore.
00:12:43No, but Gorman used it to swindle Willie.
00:12:46Now, just a minute.
00:12:47How am I going to get my $5,000 back to get to my aunt?
00:12:49You better report it to the Bunko squad.
00:12:52Good day, and I wish you luck.
00:12:54Thank you, sir.
00:12:55What am I going to tell my aunt?
00:12:56Tell her anything.
00:12:58It's my own fault for letting you talk me into this thing.
00:13:01Come on, we'll try and get your money.
00:13:05What are you going to do with that sign?
00:13:07Put it here with the other ones.
00:13:15Hey, when we get to California, how do you know Gorman's going to be there?
00:13:18We'll wait for him.
00:13:19You heard what the detective said.
00:13:21They traced him all the way to the train that was heading for the coast.
00:13:24And then they lost track of him.
00:13:26I wish I'd have lost him before he found me.
00:14:09I wish I'd have lost him before he found me.
00:14:12Tell me the train was coming.
00:14:13Where do you think that whistle was coming from?
00:14:15A penis stand?
00:14:25I was trying to scare you a little bit.
00:14:27Yeah.
00:14:33Come on, if we're going to get Gorman, let's get going.
00:14:37Harry, my foot is stuck.
00:14:39Will you help me?
00:14:41What's the matter?
00:14:42Foot's stuck.
00:14:43Let me see.
00:14:50Don't get excited.
00:14:51I'll throw the switch.
00:14:52Hurry up, will you?
00:14:56Throw the switch.
00:14:58Throw the switch.
00:15:04You made it tighter, Harry.
00:15:06Get up, Harry.
00:15:08Don't play like that now.
00:15:09Pull the switch, will you, Harry?
00:15:11Oh, Harry.
00:15:12Oh, Harry.
00:15:13Oh, Harry.
00:15:14Let's go.
00:15:51Willie! Willie! Willie! Willie! Willie, tell me where it hurts. Where does it hurt, Willie?
00:16:07I'll get you the California if I have to carry you all the way myself.
00:16:43Shh, shh, shh, shh!
00:16:44Going my way, b-b-b-b-fellas?
00:16:46We sure are.
00:16:48Why, you dirty double-crosser.
00:16:52Now get off.
00:16:53Now you don't.
00:16:54No thanks, Pop.
00:16:55We're in a hurry.
00:16:56We're going to California.
00:16:57So am I.
00:16:59Sure would enjoy company on a trip.
00:17:02Yeah, but we're in a hurry.
00:17:03Thanks a lot.
00:17:04Well, good, b-b-b-good.
00:17:06So long.
00:17:07Oh, come on.
00:17:08Let's go with the poor old man to California.
00:17:11We can get there faster by walking.
00:17:13Walking?
00:17:13Certainly.
00:17:14No, you don't.
00:17:15No, you don't.
00:17:16Pick up those bags.
00:17:18Pick up those-
00:17:18Pick up those bags.
00:17:20Pick them up.
00:17:42I didn't know we were scheduled to stop.
00:17:44Here, next stop's supposed to be Los Angeles.
00:17:48Come.
00:17:51Mr. Tumana?
00:17:54Yes?
00:17:55We're Los Angeles.
00:17:56Please, come with us.
00:17:57Well, I...
00:17:58I do not understand.
00:18:00You will.
00:18:01Come on.
00:18:01You're holding up the train.
00:18:04You must give me time to change.
00:18:06You will wait outside, please.
00:18:13We didn't get very far, did we, Sergei?
00:18:17I...
00:18:20He...
00:18:2523 skidoo.
00:18:2723 skidoo.
00:18:2923 skidoo.
00:18:30Would you mind telling me why I am under arrest?
00:18:34My dear, Mr. Tumanoff, you are not under arrest.
00:18:37I am Rudolf Snavely, president of Amalgamated Pictures.
00:18:40And I took this means of outwitting my competitors
00:18:43in order to sign you to your first Hollywood contract.
00:18:47But the police...
00:18:49Oh, they are your escorts to the city of the cinema.
00:18:53I going to like it here.
00:18:56Come, my dear.
00:19:04Let's go.
00:19:23Willie, now it's your turn alive.
00:19:26Now, not me, the train.
00:19:29Come on.
00:19:41Come on.
00:19:42Close that other door.
00:19:43We don't want no railroad detective to catch us in here.
00:19:48Harry, we're in Los Angeles already.
00:19:50Boy, we sure made good time.
00:20:07Well, California, here we are.
00:20:20Pick up those bikes.
00:20:22We've got to get back on the train.
00:20:23Pick them up.
00:20:32Be careful, boy.
00:20:34Throw me the bags.
00:20:39Willie!
00:20:43All right, I'm coming.
00:20:57Hey, you hobos.
00:20:59Where do you think you're going?
00:21:00Get off before I throw you off.
00:21:05Come on, Willie.
00:21:06Take it easy, boy.
00:21:14What are you doing?
00:21:15Come on, we can hide in here.
00:21:17Uh-oh.
00:21:22Jump!
00:21:25What are you doing?
00:21:28Stay down there.
00:21:35Hey, you!
00:21:36Don't try to get away.
00:21:39Here I come.
00:21:44Hey, Willie.
00:21:45Where are you?
00:21:46Between the porterhouse and the short ribs.
00:21:56All right, you fellas.
00:21:57I know you're in here.
00:21:59Come on, speak up.
00:22:06Where do you fellas think you're going?
00:22:08California.
00:22:08Well, I hate to disappoint you.
00:22:11Come on, come on.
00:22:13You're not going to throw us off, are you?
00:22:14Of course not.
00:22:26Oh, pardon us, gentlemen, for dropping in on your lunchtime.
00:22:31Boy, that smells good.
00:22:34That's more than we can say for you.
00:22:38Hey.
00:22:41Boy, do they need deodorizing.
00:22:44Hey, they forgot the bread.
00:22:45Wait a minute.
00:22:47Think of me once in a while.
00:22:49I'm hungry, too.
00:23:19I'm hungry, too.
00:23:23There's so much wine.
00:23:23Oh, oh.
00:23:35Hey.
00:24:18Oh
00:24:44Oh
00:24:45Oh
00:24:45Oh
00:24:45Oh
00:24:45Oh
00:24:45Oh
00:24:46Oh
00:24:46Oh
00:25:08Oh
00:25:08Oh
00:25:17Come here. What's the matter? Sit down and relax. What's the matter? What's something happened?
00:25:21I want to trade bread with you. Here.
00:25:22How come you give me the biggest piece?
00:25:25My mother told me always give my friends the biggest piece.
00:25:27It's not like you. Oh, yes.
00:25:29No.
00:25:32Good though. Tastes any meat?
00:25:35I don't expect the taste meat in a loaf of bread.
00:25:38Try it in a minute. Well, both ends are alike.
00:25:40Try that one over here.
00:25:41Come here.
00:25:54What are you gonna do? I'm gonna look for that squirrel.
00:26:01What happened?
00:26:06Hey, can I use your gun?
00:26:08No.
00:26:10I wouldn't. Excuse me.
00:26:11Can you do that?
00:26:11Hmm, watch out, he can't work anymore.
00:26:21I'm� Mike I'm so sick.
00:26:25Can you do that?
00:26:26You and Gator?
00:27:22Hey, get a load of these dice.
00:27:24One has all sixes and the other one has all fives.
00:27:27Those tramps, I think they're crooked.
00:27:29I don't think they were bringing it up right.
00:27:36Oh, well, what happened to you fellas?
00:27:39Well, some tramps, they stole our money and they took away our clothes from us.
00:27:43Well, hop in and I'll get you to California, eh?
00:27:46No thanks, we're still in a hurry.
00:27:48But you could loan us some money.
00:27:50Well, I can only spare 20 bucks.
00:27:55I'll see that you get it back.
00:27:57You keep quiet.
00:27:58I'll give you an I.O.U. for it.
00:28:00All righty.
00:28:01Just make the I.O.U. out right on that piece of paper.
00:28:05Well, I owe you $30.
00:28:08But I only gave you $20 bucks.
00:28:12Well, $10 is for interest.
00:28:15Hey, I'll sign it.
00:28:18Well, it sure is nice to do business with fellas like you.
00:28:22So, good, good, good, uh, goodbye.
00:28:26So long.
00:28:32Now, I'm trying to figure it out.
00:28:37Hey, I wonder how far $20 will take us on that train.
00:28:52Hold it. No trams are out of there. Beat it.
00:28:55Wait a minute. We're not trams. We got money. We want to pay our way.
00:28:58How far will $20 take us?
00:29:00This is no passenger train. I can't collect fares, so it's no dice.
00:29:12Say, there's nothing in your regulations that says we can't gamble to see whether we ride or not, is there?
00:29:20Know how to shoot dice?
00:29:22Uh, no.
00:29:25You know how to shoot dice?
00:29:27Not with his dice. They only got two numbers on them, sixes and fives.
00:29:36We'll play with my dice. And when you lose the 20, I'm throwing you off the train.
00:29:40And you do the shooting.
00:29:45Come on.
00:29:53Now, wise guy, this 20 bucks will get a snow place.
00:30:20Come on.
00:30:22Come on.
00:30:22Wait a minute.
00:30:23Let me see those dice.
00:30:41How am I going to explain this to my wife?
00:30:44The same way I'm going to explain it to mine.
00:30:47The old man made it as fast as we did.
00:30:53Let's give him the $20 we took from him.
00:30:54Come on.
00:31:03We can't catch up to him.
00:31:05I'll mail him the money.
00:31:08Wait a minute, where are you going?
00:31:09I'm going to give the old man the money.
00:31:12Come back here.
00:31:14Wait a minute, old man.
00:31:15We've got your money.
00:31:15Come back here.
00:31:22Boy, the old man sure will be surprised to see us.
00:31:24Will he be surprised to get his money back?
00:31:26Yeah.
00:31:27Hey, mister.
00:31:36What happened to the old man?
00:31:38Those dirty crooks, they must have stole the wagon.
00:31:45Indians!
00:31:48Indians!
00:32:15More action!
00:32:17More action!
00:32:19More action!
00:32:33More action!
00:32:41How can a thing like this happen?
00:32:43How can a thing like this happen?
00:32:44Maybe Custer hasn't finished his last stand.
00:32:49Hey, if they catch us, will they scalp us?
00:32:52I don't know.
00:32:57More action!
00:33:08Saved in the nick of time.
00:33:10No driver.
00:33:11Get in the driver's seat.
00:33:13Grab the reins!
00:33:15Get in there, hurry up!
00:33:19Get out of there!
00:33:21Get out of there!
00:33:24Get out of there!
00:33:32Cut!
00:33:36Cut!
00:33:42Cut!
00:33:44Cut!
00:33:47We lost them.
00:33:48That was an air escape.
00:33:49Well, you can stop the horses now.
00:33:53The greatest Indian fight ever to be filmed!
00:33:56Ruined by a couple of idiots!
00:33:58Who are they?
00:33:59What are they doing here?
00:34:01Somebody answer me!
00:34:02Shut up until I finish!
00:34:24What's the matter, Sergei?
00:34:25My beautiful pig, Joan, is ruined!
00:34:28Killed just as it was being formed!
00:34:31By those!
00:34:32Don't!
00:34:33Don't!
00:34:34Don't!
00:34:36Don't!
00:34:36Don't!
00:34:36Don't!
00:34:37Don't!
00:34:37Don't!
00:34:37Don't!
00:34:43Don't!
00:34:49Don't!
00:34:50Don't!
00:34:58Don't!
00:35:00They're the ones!
00:35:02They!
00:35:02They!
00:35:03That driver's wonderful. Look at him drive. Get that camera on that action.
00:35:06Mr. Stabley, I am the director. I will tell the cameraman what to do.
00:35:12Cut!
00:35:12Yes, Mr. Tumoroff.
00:35:14I am the producer. Keep that camera turning.
00:35:17Yes, Mr. Stabley.
00:35:18It will ruin my beautiful picture, my everything.
00:35:27Get that camera on that action.
00:35:34I'll never make it. Oh, it's suicide.
00:35:50Cut!
00:35:54That is the greatest start I have ever seen.
00:35:58Well, I knew you would like it, Stabley, but I wanted to surprise you when you saw it in the
00:36:03projection room.
00:36:05Tumoroff, that stunt has never been in motion pictures. We'll build a whole story around it.
00:36:11You are a genius.
00:36:13Come on, I want to talk to that little stuntman.
00:36:15Good.
00:36:27Hey, you know a guy could get killed in one of these things.
00:36:30No kidding.
00:36:31More Indians!
00:36:38We surrender.
00:36:39Will you tell your brothers not to fight with us anymore?
00:36:43My brothers?
00:36:44Yeah.
00:36:45Tell them not to shoot any more arrows.
00:36:52Hey, didn't I sort of meet you someplace before?
00:36:54I've never been there.
00:36:56Weren't you with, uh...
00:36:58No, I was alone.
00:36:59Are you sure that you, uh...
00:37:01I haven't been there either.
00:37:07Hello, my dear.
00:37:09How?
00:37:11How?
00:37:12I don't know.
00:37:14Well done, my boy. Congratulations.
00:37:15Mr, uh...
00:37:17This is Mr. Piper.
00:37:18Willie Piper, I'm Harry Pierce.
00:37:20Hey, we better get out of here. The Indians have got us surrounded.
00:37:22Oh, now, Mr. Piper, you can't tell me you're afraid of motion picture Indians.
00:37:26Of motion picture Indians?
00:37:27Oh, no, he's not afraid.
00:37:29I would say that he fears nothing.
00:37:31That stunt you just did was the most hair-raising thing I have ever seen.
00:37:35You are a daredevil.
00:37:38Amalgamated pictures could use a man like you.
00:37:41You mean working in a studio?
00:37:43Working in a studio.
00:37:44We could get the line on that Gorman, the dirty swindler.
00:37:47And then we could get the cops to get after him.
00:37:49Right.
00:37:49Hey, in the studio, what would I be, the janitor?
00:37:55Mr. Piper.
00:37:57You have an excellent sense of humor.
00:38:00Mr. Snavely wishes to engage you as a stuntman.
00:38:04Stuntman?
00:38:05Yes.
00:38:06And if he will allow me to direct you, I, Sergei Tumanov, will take very good care of you.
00:38:14It's a deal.
00:38:15From now on, you will double for all of our stars.
00:38:17Just how long will this job last?
00:38:20Until something happens to you.
00:38:23Come on, Mr. Piper.
00:38:24You, Mr. Pierce.
00:38:24I'll ride you back to my office and we'll sign the contract.
00:38:34No.
00:38:47Mr. Piper, you may rest assured that I will do everything in my power to locate this scoundrel Gorman for
00:38:53you and get your aunt's money back.
00:38:55Thanks a lot, Mr. Snavely.
00:38:57Thanks a million, Mr. Snavely.
00:38:59Come on.
00:39:11Come on.
00:39:12Come on.
00:39:12Come on.
00:39:13Come on.
00:39:13Come on.
00:39:17Well, you gentlemen are coming up in the world.
00:39:20Is Mr. Snavely going to star you?
00:39:22Oh, no.
00:39:23He's going to help us.
00:39:23He's going to help us find that crook named Gorman.
00:39:26Oh, well, I must tell Mr. Tumanov about this.
00:39:28I'm sure he'll be happy to do something about your finding, Mr. Gorman.
00:39:32Say, didn't I...
00:39:33No.
00:39:36I still think I know that girl from someplace.
00:39:46Look.
00:39:47What else can you offer me for this job besides the money?
00:39:50I will make you my right-hand man.
00:39:56Piper will double for you in the airplane scenes.
00:39:59He's going to double for me?
00:40:01What are you trying to do?
00:40:02Kill him or my career?
00:40:04After I make him jump from the plane today,
00:40:06neither of us will worry about our careers.
00:40:19Catchy, catchy, catchy.
00:40:22Ah, well, if all the nerve.
00:40:26I thought you were a girl.
00:40:28I was supposed to be a stuntman.
00:40:30Now I'm a girl.
00:40:31Now listen, what is the difference?
00:40:33That's too big a stunt for me.
00:40:34We both want to find Gorman, don't we?
00:40:36Now you're doubling for that actress today.
00:40:38Keep your eyes open.
00:40:40You know, there's something about that girl that I seem to remember.
00:40:43What do you mean?
00:40:43It's a woman's intuition.
00:40:44Oh, all you women are alike.
00:41:07Piper....
00:41:08Piper!
00:41:11Willie Piper!
00:41:11Come here!
00:41:18You'll get on and go and close!
00:41:19You can say that again.
00:41:20Don't change it to your flying offer.
00:41:22Mr. Toomanav is waiting.
00:41:23Hurry up!
00:41:24Tut tut, my good man.
00:41:26That's no way to talk to a lady.
00:41:43Excuse me, are you a director?
00:41:46Yes.
00:41:48Could you tell me your name?
00:41:51Max Sennett.
00:41:53That's Max Sennett.
00:41:54That's not Max Sennett.
00:41:57Are you sure you're Max Sennett?
00:42:03Sweetheart.
00:42:09That's Max Sennett.
00:42:25What's the matter, boss?
00:42:27I just had a fight.
00:42:28It might help you.
00:42:34It might help you.
00:42:36Stop the music.
00:42:38What's the matter, boss?
00:42:39I just had a fight.
00:42:41With my conscience.
00:42:42And?
00:42:43I've won.
00:42:55When we arrive at the rendezvous, Mr. Jason, you will attack the heroine's plane.
00:43:01As you dive in on her, you will fire one burst of ammunition in an endeavor to shoot her down.
00:43:09You will keep firing until she fails out.
00:43:13That is the end of the scene.
00:43:15Is that clear?
00:43:16Yes, Mr. Toomanav.
00:43:26Is everything fixed, Heinz?
00:43:29Don't worry, chief.
00:43:30I've weakened every strut and pipe a ship.
00:43:32And if that don't do the trick, I put live ammunition in Jason's guns.
00:43:37Heinz, if I was not the genius, I would say you were.
00:43:50Oh, stop.
00:43:51Are you ready, Piper?
00:43:53Yes, sir.
00:43:54The only thing I want to tell you, Mr. Toomanav, every time I take one foot off the ground, I
00:43:57get dizzy.
00:43:58Mr. Piper, I personally have taken every precaution for your safety.
00:44:02Now then, today you are doubling our heroine who is flying to Washington for a peace treaty with the Indians.
00:44:11But, Mr. Toomanav, there were no airplanes when we were fighting the Indians.
00:44:15Can I help it? If I am ahead of my time, do not interrupt.
00:44:20I'm sorry.
00:44:21Now, you are flying toward the setting sun.
00:44:25But, Mr. Toomanav, if in Washington it's in the east and the sun sets in the west...
00:44:29In my pictures the sun sets where I want it to set.
00:44:35Excuse me.
00:44:36Now, you continue like a bird flying toward the setting sun.
00:44:42Suddenly, you hear a roar of a motor.
00:44:45You turn.
00:44:46You see the renegade in his plane diving at you with blazing guns.
00:44:52You are about to be shot down.
00:44:54You are trapped, helpless.
00:44:57What are you going to do?
00:45:00Tell him.
00:45:00I'm going to grit.
00:45:03Wait a minute.
00:45:04Nonsense.
00:45:05You parachute to safety.
00:45:09Hines, put the parachute on Mr. Piper.
00:45:12No, you don't. I'm taking no chances.
00:45:14I'll put it on him.
00:45:16Prime into the plane, Mr. Piper. The pilot will be right here.
00:45:19Yeah.
00:45:23What about the pilot?
00:45:25He'll never get into the plane.
00:45:26And Piper?
00:45:27Oh, I'm taking care of the control stick.
00:45:29The plane will go up, but Humpty Dumpty will fall.
00:45:34Good.
00:45:35I'll take care of the blocks.
00:45:49Music.
00:46:04Ready?
00:46:05All ready, Mr. Tumana.
00:46:08Fast, music.
00:46:14Camera.
00:46:18Action.
00:46:36What happened?
00:46:37They don't know how to fly a plane.
00:46:38They don't.
00:46:39Mr. Tumanaff ain't gonna like this.
00:46:58Hey, I didn't know you could fly the plane.
00:47:00I can't, but you're doing a good job.
00:47:03Jack, who's mine?
00:47:04I'm just...
00:47:22Mr. Snavely, my plane took off without me.
00:47:24Oh, good.
00:47:25Good gracious, Piper will be killed.
00:47:27Killed?
00:47:28Oh, I hope Tumanaff gets it on film.
00:47:32I didn't mean that, of course.
00:47:33Well, well, well, how can we stop them?
00:48:04Piper! Piper, get out of the way!
00:48:07You get out of the way!
00:48:22Hey, Willie, listen.
00:48:25Willie, what are you doing out there?
00:48:28Give me your hand.
00:48:30Bring it here.
00:48:37Willie.
00:49:00What are you laughing at?
00:49:02This is very funny, Mr. Troumanov.
00:49:05This is not supposed to be funny.
00:49:13No, Mr. Jason.
00:49:16No, Mr. Jason.
00:49:18No, Mr. Jason.
00:49:19Dive.
00:49:20Dive.
00:50:01Dive.
00:50:02They're shooting real bullets.
00:50:04I...
00:50:05Pulle.
00:50:13Some fool put live ammunition in here.
00:50:15Pull up!
00:50:16Pull up!
00:50:20Give me that parachute.
00:50:22No, no, no, no!
00:50:24Mr. Toomer, I'll say I should wear the parachute.
00:50:27Oh, don't be so selfish.
00:50:28I'll use the parachute first.
00:50:29When I hit the ground, then you can have it.
00:50:31Well, hey, you'll be there before I will.
00:50:33All right, then I'll wait for you.
00:50:34Watch out for the first step.
00:50:36It's a high one.
00:50:36Never mind the first step.
00:50:38Oh, this is sensational.
00:50:40That is an understatement, Mr. Toomer.
00:50:42Don't miss his second of it.
00:50:43I am a genius.
00:50:57Let go of my pants, will you?
00:50:59What will I do?
00:51:01Well, you don't have to hold onto my pants.
00:51:03Let go of my pants.
00:51:05Let go of my pants.
00:51:06Let go.
00:51:07Hold on, Piper.
00:51:08Hold on.
00:51:10What's the matter?
00:51:11Did you change your mind?
00:51:12No, no, but I want more footage.
00:51:14Follow them.
00:51:14Follow them.
00:51:15Don't lose them.
00:51:18Let go.
00:51:19Let go.
00:51:20Oh, look what you did.
00:51:22Oh, let go.
00:51:24Keep grinding.
00:51:26Keep grinding.
00:51:31Let go of my shoe.
00:51:37Let go of my shoe.
00:51:38Let go of my shoe.
00:51:44Cut.
00:51:47Sensational, Mr. Toomer.
00:51:48You are a genius.
00:51:50How do you rescue him?
00:51:52Yeah, how do you rescue him?
00:51:54I, uh, uh, he, uh, he comes up in a submarine.
00:52:04Ah, uh, he'll kill him.
00:52:10I'll kill him.
00:52:11I'll kill him.
00:52:12I'll kill him if it kills me to kill him.
00:52:15Get behind! Move it up! Move it up!
00:52:24Are your rushes ready?
00:52:25The cutter is just having the operator put it on the machine.
00:52:28Fine.
00:52:32What do you suppose is bothering him?
00:52:34You don't think he smells a rat?
00:52:36Now, Joe, don't belittle yourself.
00:52:40Don't get smart.
00:52:41Anything happens to me, I bring you into it.
00:52:52All right, Harvey, run up!
00:52:54Yes, Mr. Tumanoff.
00:53:19What good is that stuff? Anyone can tell us to double. It doesn't look anything at all like Leota.
00:53:24Why didn't you shoot the back of Piper's head?
00:53:27I tried to.
00:53:30He turned his head.
00:53:32How did Pierce get into the plane?
00:53:35Must have been a stall way.
00:53:37Don't worry, I take care of that in the cutting. I use only the longer shots.
00:54:07I'm sorry, sir. I couldn't help myself.
00:54:11I'm sorry, sir. I couldn't help myself.
00:54:11It's very funny.
00:54:12It is not supposed to be funny.
00:54:16You know, I think it is.
00:54:23Who is in here?
00:54:25Just yourself, Leota, Mr. Snavely, Miss Harry, and Harry.
00:54:30Get out!
00:54:32Get out!
00:54:33Get out!
00:54:41Sergei, if I were you, I wouldn't speak that way to Amalgamated's newest comedy team.
00:54:46Piper and Pierce, a comedy team?
00:54:48That's right. And you will be their director.
00:54:51I will have nothing to do with comedy. I am a dramatic director.
00:54:56Let's talk this over, Mr. Gorman.
00:54:58There is absolute...
00:55:04Gorman?
00:55:05A short while ago, Piper came to me with a story of how he was swindled by a con man
00:55:09named Gorman.
00:55:11What has this to do with me? I am Sergei Tumanov.
00:55:14There's no use denying it.
00:55:16Without the mustache, without the toupee, without the accent, you are Gorman.
00:55:20I had the New York police check your fingerprints, and I have all of the evidence in my safe.
00:55:26This is preposterous!
00:55:28Oh, drop the act, Joe.
00:55:30Where do we go from here?
00:55:31I have arranged that those people you swindled shall be repaid out of your salary.
00:55:36And I have also arranged that by your doing this, no one will press any charges.
00:55:41Because I believe that you are a great comedy director.
00:55:48And I can keep the identity of Tumanov.
00:55:51And you can keep your accent. And I will keep your money.
00:55:55Of course, if you do not wish to direct comedy...
00:55:57I love it. I love it.
00:55:59Then get writers and start preparing a script.
00:56:01But be sure that neither of these boys does any stunts.
00:56:04Mr. Snavely, I promise you, even their doubles will have doubles.
00:56:08All right. But remember, I am holding you responsible for their safety.
00:56:11Yes, Mr. Snavely. Come, my dear.
00:56:18Harvey, run that film again, please.
00:56:22Everything is all set.
00:56:23A torpedo friend of mine is going to run over them with a car.
00:56:26No. No.
00:56:28That will ruin me.
00:56:30They are my bread and butter.
00:56:31If you kill them, you kill me.
00:56:34But you wanted them killed.
00:56:35So when they walk out of the studio, a car is going to hit them.
00:56:38Now I have to save them to save myself.
00:56:43Imbecile!
00:56:51How could you be so stupid as a drop your dollar down there?
00:56:54It could have been worse.
00:56:55How could it be worse?
00:56:56You could have dropped your dollar down there.
00:56:57Ah!
00:57:05He did it!
00:57:07He did it!
00:57:10Oh, please don't die!
00:57:12Please!
00:57:13Stop a car!
00:57:15Somebody call an ambulance!
00:57:17I'll call an ambulance.
00:57:21He fainted.
00:57:22Better give him some air.
00:57:24Okay.
00:57:26Fan him! Fan him!
00:57:29What's the matter?
00:57:32Hey!
00:57:33He's got a bald head, just like Gorman.
00:57:35We better investigate!
00:57:37Come on!
00:57:48Well, the coast is clear.
00:57:50Hey!
00:57:50It was nice of the fellas in the wardrobe department,
00:57:52they'll loan us these outfits.
00:57:54Sure!
00:57:54Now, you know what to do.
00:57:56Yes, sir.
00:57:56You're going to break inside that house.
00:57:58And you're going to get evidence to prove
00:58:00that Tumanoff is Gorman.
00:58:02Right.
00:58:02And if Tumanoff captures me,
00:58:04he'll never recognize me with his mask on.
00:58:08And if Tumanoff should happen to call for a policeman,
00:58:11that's me.
00:58:12I rush in and I arrest you.
00:58:15Shh!
00:58:16It's me.
00:58:16Hello, Harry.
00:58:18Hello, Harry.
00:58:30Hello, Harry.
00:58:38You Ooh!
00:58:40He's good, buddy.
00:58:40This is great.
00:58:44There's so many things being spread out of she'll sit down the court
00:58:45Yeah.
00:58:58You know, the определル of the advocate
00:59:10Let's go.
00:59:31How dare you steal from Tumanoff?
00:59:46Appareta? Appareta?
00:59:48Get me the police!
01:00:04Did you phone for a policeman, sir?
01:00:07Address that burglar.
01:00:08I prefer charges in the morning.
01:00:11Yes, sir.
01:00:15Harry, you're clumsy.
01:00:16Come on, you crook!
01:00:18Let's get out of here!
01:00:23Don't forget to spell my name right.
01:00:26Tumanoff.
01:00:27Director Tumanoff.
01:00:29Yes, sir.
01:00:33Hey, did you find anything?
01:00:34I'm no stool pigeon.
01:00:36Hey, Harry.
01:00:37Your voice sounds funny with that mask on.
01:00:39Hold this.
01:00:40I'm gonna take the mask off and see.
01:00:42Hey!
01:00:43Hey!
01:00:44Hey!
01:00:44Hey!
01:01:06Hey!
01:01:15Hey!
01:01:17Hey!
01:01:17Hey!
01:01:17Hey!
01:01:18Call the police!
01:01:32We traced your call, Mr. Tumanoff.
01:01:34Anything wrong?
01:01:35Yes.
01:01:35Why you let this man escape?
01:01:37I never saw him before.
01:01:39You never...
01:01:39I saw you take him out of here with your own hands.
01:01:43Come on, officer.
01:01:44Take me to jail.
01:01:45I'll take you to jail, me fine bucko.
01:01:47Come on.
01:01:47Don't forget to spell my name right.
01:01:50Tumanoff.
01:01:51Director Tumanoff.
01:01:56Nice work, Willie, but you don't have to be so rough.
01:01:59Now, let me go.
01:02:01Willie, let me go!
01:02:02Oh, yeah?
01:02:05Let's go.
01:02:09Okay.
01:02:21Come on!
01:02:22Oh, let's go.
01:02:36I appreciate what they say.
01:02:43Did that crook come back in here?
01:02:44I told you before that he came back.
01:02:46You just took him out of here.
01:02:48I did? When was that?
01:02:50When you took him away the last time.
01:02:52Now go search the grounds and you'll find him before I report you.
01:03:10Did that burglar come back here?
01:03:11I just told you he did.
01:03:13You did? When?
01:03:15Every time you ask me.
01:03:17Now go find him before he does come back.
01:03:20Yeah, yeah.
01:03:37Excuse me, did that crook come back in here again?
01:03:39I know if he comes back when I was just now over there talking with you.
01:03:44I wasn't standing over there talking to you just now.
01:03:47Dorothy, Dorothy, let him come and rob my house.
01:03:50Just let me have a little piece.
01:03:53Huh?
01:03:54Have a little piece.
01:03:56Oh, thank you. I love turkey.
01:03:58I'll go out and see if I can get that crook right now.
01:04:08Come in!
01:04:14Any sign of him?
01:04:15Didn't I tell you just now before you went out that window?
01:04:19I have one out that window.
01:04:21Didn't you just take a piece of my turkey?
01:04:23I hate turkey.
01:04:27I think I could use a little drink too.
01:04:29I'm all mixed up.
01:04:30Go away.
01:04:31Go away!
01:04:33Go away!
01:04:33And don't come back!
01:04:43Come in!
01:04:49Hey, this turkey was delicious.
01:04:51Didn't you just tell me you hate the turkey?
01:04:54Who, me? When?
01:04:55When you took the drink.
01:04:57Drink? I don't drink.
01:04:58Get out!
01:05:00Get out!
01:05:01Get out!
01:05:03Get out!
01:05:07Get out!
01:05:16Police!
01:05:17Police!
01:05:18Police!
01:05:20Did you call the police?
01:05:22No.
01:05:22I just yelled to hear the sound of my voice.
01:05:25Arrest this man.
01:05:26You're under arrest.
01:05:27Wait a minute.
01:05:27Is your name Willie?
01:05:28No, it's Mike.
01:05:29Wait a minute.
01:05:30Out!
01:05:40Did you call for the police?
01:05:43Didn't you just go out that door?
01:05:45Are you going out this way?
01:06:02Oh, relax and enjoy yourself.
01:06:05Nothing was stolen.
01:06:08Here's to the straight and narrow pan.
01:06:13And to Hollywood's newest and greatest comedy director.
01:06:24Now that you don't want me to do any more of your dirty work,
01:06:27how about paying me for what I have done?
01:06:31You will have to wait.
01:06:33Snavely is holding up my salary
01:06:35to square a little account of mine in the East.
01:06:39What about your past two accounts you have here in the West?
01:06:41Or would you like me to tell him about our deal?
01:06:44Oh, be patient, Hines.
01:06:45He'll get your money and he can do it just as easily by going straight.
01:06:49Sure, let him go straight.
01:06:51Straight to 75,000 bucks and Snavely's safe.
01:06:54But that...
01:06:56That is the money for the first Piper and Pierce comedy.
01:07:01That's right.
01:07:02But it would also pay me off.
01:07:04And still leave plenty for a smart director to make pictures in Europe.
01:07:11Let's drink to it.
01:07:26Oh, for heaven's sake, stop playing Jimmy Valentine and open the safe.
01:07:30Snavely will be here any minute.
01:07:40Hey, I wonder who else has to okay these before we make the test.
01:07:43Hmm.
01:07:50You're robbing Mr. Snavely.
01:07:53Yeah.
01:07:54Now we know that you're Gorman.
01:07:56Well, boys, I guess you caught me red handed.
01:07:58You'd better phone the police.
01:08:04Hey, you can't get away with that.
01:08:07Come on.
01:08:29Help! Help! Help!
01:08:34Don't worry, Mrs. Snavely. We'll catch those crubs.
01:08:47Hey, fellas, we gotta catch those crubs. They're getting away.
01:08:53Are you with us?
01:08:54Sure, but hurry up. We'll lose them.
01:09:04Hey, Piper! Piper! Those are not for your policemen!
01:09:07Hey, Piper! Piper! Those are not for your policemen!
01:09:13Hey, bring that patrol wagon back! We're not ready yet!
01:09:22They've got a wagon load of cops after us.
01:09:24Don't worry, we'll lose them.
01:09:25Hines will be waiting at the airfield with the plane ready to take off.
01:09:45Hey!
01:09:47Hey!
01:09:57Run!
01:09:59Hey!
01:09:59Hey!
01:10:00Jacob!
01:10:00Hey!
01:10:03Hey!
01:10:04Oh, my God.
01:10:51What are we going to do now?
01:10:52What are we going to do?
01:11:00Can you drive?
01:11:01Just like driving a bicycle.
01:11:13How do you stop it?
01:11:14I don't know.
01:11:26Stop it, honey.
01:11:28Stop it.
01:11:29Stop it.
01:11:45They're still following us.
01:11:47Well, let them follow us now.
01:12:09Give me that.
01:12:30Over.
01:12:31Over.
01:12:32Over.
01:12:32Over.
01:12:40Over.
01:12:42Over.
01:12:43Over.
01:12:45Over.
01:12:47Over.
01:13:00Over.
01:13:03Over.
01:13:04Over.
01:13:13Over.
01:13:14It's for me!
01:13:39Come on!
01:13:40Come on!
01:13:42Come back, come back!
01:13:49Come back, come back!
01:13:50They're still following us!
01:14:43They are still following us!
01:14:51THE END
01:15:26THE END
01:15:45THE END
01:15:45THE END
01:15:45THE END
01:15:45THE END
01:15:49THE END
01:15:50THE END
01:15:50THE END
01:15:50THE END
01:15:52THE END
01:15:53THE END
01:15:53THE END
01:15:53THE END
01:15:57THE END
01:15:58THE END
01:15:58THE END
01:15:58THE END
01:15:59THE END
01:15:59THE END
01:15:59THE END
01:15:59THE END
01:16:02THE END
01:16:05THE END
01:16:15THE END
01:16:16THE END
01:16:16Come on, come on!
01:17:10Where's Heinz?
01:17:10We can't wait for him now. Hop in.
01:17:17Contact.
01:17:20Contact.
01:17:33We got you, Gorman. Arrest them, fellas.
01:17:43You fool! Those are the Keystone cops.
01:17:45They can't arrest me.
01:17:47Gorman, we can't, Gorman. Hold it.
01:17:51Lady, get out of the plane.
01:17:53Be well, my dear.
01:17:55We must not keep the gendarmes waiting.
01:17:59So the villain is apprehended.
01:18:03And justice triumphs.
01:18:13Mr. Snavely, we saved your money for you.
01:18:19The End
01:18:19The End
01:18:25The End
01:18:31The End
01:18:32The End
01:18:32The End
01:18:36The End
01:18:37For more information, visit www.fema.org