- 3 days ago
Category
🎈
FunTranscript
00:00:08Three minutes, 22 seconds.
00:00:10All right, let's hear a playback on that.
00:00:12Good sound.
00:00:23Hey, Fox.
00:00:24Hi, Chris.
00:00:26Are you in on the session Tuesday?
00:00:28No, I'm leaving today.
00:00:29I'm tired of hearing myself on other people's records.
00:00:33Besides, I think I'm going deaf.
00:00:35What?
00:00:36All this noise, man, is driving me crazy.
00:00:38I can't hear you.
00:00:40My brain.
00:00:41I've lost the ability to think.
00:00:42I think the sound is destroying my brain.
00:00:45Your what?
00:00:46Brain, man.
00:00:47For Christ's sake, Fox.
00:00:48The thing you have inside your head.
00:00:50Brain.
00:00:50I'm a little deaf in one ear.
00:00:56What do you attribute that to?
00:00:58All you set this up is your own business.
00:01:01But I want this jacket to leap out and smack everybody.
00:01:04Right in the office.
00:01:04What I want to try to do is to get everybody kind of tight there.
00:01:07Maybe you move a little bit.
00:01:08And with this wide-angle lens, I can get them all in.
00:01:11Hey, Hugh.
00:01:12No, man.
00:01:13I'm not part of this group.
00:01:14I'm just here for the session today.
00:01:16It looks weird, buddy.
00:01:16Here he comes.
00:01:17Look, this is the looking price.
00:01:45It was weird, but I didn't know I was coming back.
00:01:49I mean, I was on the road a couple hundred miles before I knew I was coming back.
00:01:56I guess that's the part of me that was ready for this whole mess.
00:02:01I guess everybody's looking for a new thing, like the chick.
00:02:08She's a model that does local television commercials and shit.
00:02:13What are you getting right here, Howie?
00:02:15I'd like to know right in here, is it a place of four, five, six, anyway?
00:02:21Once you've been given a present, keep it, please.
00:02:24Let us see one of those glasses.
00:02:26Let's try somebody, spray on one of these glasses.
00:02:29I want to see what this looks like from backlight.
00:02:32Get makeup in there.
00:02:34Okay.
00:02:35Where's the makeup at?
00:02:36Pay attention to your own spot.
00:02:38We have some blotters.
00:02:39What did you like?
00:02:40Oh, Jesus.
00:02:41You do that so well.
00:02:44Get the...
00:02:44Yeah, get it.
00:02:45Bring out those labeled bottles here.
00:02:46Where are my cigarettes?
00:02:47Can I have a cigarette, please?
00:02:48Sally.
00:02:48Don't drink.
00:02:49Yeah, I'll take some.
00:02:51Sally.
00:02:51Oh, well then.
00:02:59Try a little easier now.
00:03:01What happens?
00:03:01Here's to you.
00:03:02Here's to you.
00:03:02Give it another shot.
00:03:04Go ahead.
00:03:08How do you do that?
00:03:09What?
00:03:11Thing.
00:03:12Thing?
00:03:13My thing.
00:03:14How do you do it?
00:03:15Is something wrong?
00:03:17Wrong?
00:03:17No, it's beautiful.
00:03:18It's a...
00:03:20It's a thing.
00:03:21Do it again.
00:03:22What?
00:03:24No, it's not...
00:03:25No.
00:03:27No, it's not it.
00:03:28You have to be putting me on.
00:03:34Oh, I...
00:03:35I don't smoke.
00:03:37Places everywhere, please.
00:03:41Tell me something.
00:03:43Isn't that cheating?
00:03:45Cheating?
00:03:46Yes.
00:03:46Making the beer look better than it actually looks.
00:03:50You're standing there talking to me because of that beer.
00:03:53I'm standing here talking to you because of that beer.
00:03:56And everybody that's in this room is in this room because of that beer.
00:04:00All of our salaries, our very existence depends on that beer.
00:04:04And we're all here to make that beer look as good as we possibly can.
00:04:07Okay, come on.
00:04:08Everyone, quickly.
00:04:09Places, please.
00:04:11And we're all gonna look like happy American.
00:04:13What?
00:04:13Beautiful.
00:04:14The mouth thing.
00:04:15Oh.
00:04:20Isn't that cheating?
00:04:22Look, Mr. Dorian.
00:04:23You wanna take a look at this shop?
00:04:25Yes, I will.
00:04:26Okay, then.
00:04:26Could I please have my talent?
00:04:28Unless you're prepared to pay the over.
00:04:30See you later.
00:04:32Oh, look over here, Georgie.
00:04:34This is very nice.
00:04:35Coming in on the table.
00:04:36We'll catch it wild later.
00:04:37Very nice.
00:04:39Okay, here's the set up.
00:04:40So, in action, here's what's gonna happen.
00:04:42We're pulling off of your kiss, right?
00:04:44You're looking into her eyes.
00:04:45The announcer is gonna say the beer for the man who thinks bold and acts bold.
00:04:49So, pull off the kiss.
00:04:50Look at her.
00:04:51Tell her something bold.
00:04:52Oh, you want me to talk?
00:04:53Of course you talk.
00:04:54People generally talk to one another.
00:04:55You're getting involved with one another.
00:04:57Give me some idea.
00:04:57What would I say?
00:04:58Look, say anything.
00:04:59I don't care.
00:05:00Places, background people.
00:05:01This isn't sound.
00:05:02You won't be heard.
00:05:03Okay, well, just tell her she's a frumpy little chick with all her brains in her ass.
00:05:06Just keep the mood, alright?
00:05:07Get involved.
00:05:08Okay?
00:05:09We're gonna roll.
00:05:10Okay, let me see the kiss.
00:05:12You're close.
00:05:13You're tender.
00:05:13Involved.
00:05:14Kissing.
00:05:15Background people.
00:05:16Happy.
00:05:16Come on in the background.
00:05:17More beer.
00:05:18Beer.
00:05:19Kissing.
00:05:19Rolling.
00:05:20Rolling.
00:05:21Rolling.
00:05:21Okay.
00:05:22He's rolling.
00:05:23We're rolling.
00:05:23Everyone is happy.
00:05:24You bring the light a little.
00:05:27Good action.
00:05:29You had a frumpy little chick with your brains in your ass.
00:05:33You have a piece of spinach in your teeth.
00:05:36Cut.
00:05:38Perfect.
00:05:40It's just a matter of timing.
00:05:42I didn't have anything in mind.
00:05:45It's just my thing and the chick's thing came together at the same time.
00:05:56And now the quiet falls over shades of evening.
00:06:02Yesterday my time was fast.
00:06:06Today it's creeping.
00:06:08They were the wild and wooly years.
00:06:12The very wild and wooly years.
00:06:16Where, tell me, where did they go?
00:06:23Once I was a young and healthy man.
00:06:27There was nothing I wouldn't do.
00:06:30I'd challenge all the world if you wanted me to.
00:06:37Why them wooly years are gone now?
00:06:40All the gay and happy times.
00:06:44When my nights seemed so much better.
00:06:47Son of a bitch.
00:06:48And the world would die.
00:06:49Dad.
00:06:53Oh, my God.
00:06:54Oh, I'm sorry.
00:06:55Sorry? Look what you've done to my suit
00:06:57at the board meeting this afternoon.
00:07:01Three years, Dad. You're still here.
00:07:04Still here, still at this table.
00:07:06Shot in a beer for three years.
00:07:09Screw it, Bill.
00:07:10What?
00:07:11Screw that goddamn tie.
00:07:12This is my son, Chris. I haven't seen him for three years.
00:07:15How are you?
00:07:16I'll call you tomorrow after I've had a chance
00:07:18to look over these layoffs, okay?
00:07:20Business is getting full of faggots.
00:07:24Chris, you're not turning into a...
00:07:25You haven't changed a bit.
00:07:28Surely, shot in a beer for my boy here.
00:07:34What have you been doing lately?
00:07:37How's mom?
00:07:38Oh, screw your mother. Your mother's out of her mind.
00:07:41Do you know whose name she called out in her sleep the other night?
00:07:45Fidel Castro.
00:07:48How about, uh...
00:07:51Chris?
00:07:52Why don't you let me send you back to school?
00:07:54I might as well put my money to some good.
00:07:56No, thanks, Dad.
00:07:56I don't want to hold back my education.
00:08:02You better come down out of those clouds,
00:08:04or you're not going to be worth the power
00:08:06to blow you to hell.
00:08:12You know, I truly believe that someday the whole world is going to go out.
00:08:18Like that.
00:08:20But if it's ever going to be saved, it's the...
00:08:24It's the communications people who are going to do it.
00:08:28I'd like to, uh...
00:08:31I'd like to put it this way.
00:08:32It's not important to build skyscrapers and highways.
00:08:36What's really important is building bridges.
00:08:40Bridges between people.
00:08:42I'd like to get to know everyone.
00:09:07You really like that, don't you, old man?
00:09:10Old man?
00:09:11Who you call an old man?
00:09:12Listen.
00:09:14Your old man can still cut the mustard.
00:09:17Cut the mustard?
00:09:21You kids think you're wild.
00:09:24You don't know your old man.
00:09:26Listen, I could...
00:09:26I could tell stories beginning right now
00:09:29that would take from now until tomorrow.
00:09:33Where you going, Chris?
00:09:40Son of a bitch.
00:09:42Where's Terry?
00:09:43She quit.
00:09:44Where the hell you been?
00:09:45Hey, where the hell you been?
00:09:46I haven't seen you in a couple of years, Sam.
00:09:48You shag off.
00:09:50Hey, who's that?
00:09:52It's my father.
00:09:53He can still cut the mustard.
00:09:55Oh, yeah?
00:09:56Hey.
00:10:02I can't sit with the customers
00:10:04unless the customers buy me a drink.
00:10:06Bloody Mary.
00:10:22Oh, my God.
00:10:23Hi, Potsy.
00:10:24How's every little thing?
00:10:27What's happening over here?
00:10:29That's my father over there.
00:10:31He can still cut the mustard.
00:10:34So can I, man.
00:10:39How's every little thing with you?
00:10:41Hanging in there.
00:10:43You can say that again.
00:10:45Hey, you want to dance?
00:10:48Dance?
00:10:49I'm not even sure I can get up from this chair.
00:10:51We'll get it up there, Potsy.
00:10:53Won't we?
00:10:54Oh, no.
00:11:02No.
00:11:02Yeah.
00:11:02Electronic Madonna.
00:11:03Oh, come on.
00:11:04Dad, would the son of Roger Bradley go with a pig like that?
00:11:07Dinah Mama?
00:11:08No, it's another pig.
00:11:10She's really bad.
00:11:11Who are you? Who is a bad man there?
00:11:14Terry, terrific.
00:11:17Hey, let's go see Terry.
00:11:21Hey, let's go see Terry.
00:11:23Right. Come on, Dad, let's go see Terry.
00:11:26Why don't we go see Terry?
00:11:27That's right.
00:11:46Hello, Terry. Can we borrow a cup of mustard?
00:11:51Son of a bitch.
00:11:53Is that all anybody knows how to say to me?
00:11:55Who is she calling a bitch?
00:11:56Got any mustard, Terry?
00:11:58Who is she calling a bitch?
00:11:59He's my pussy. He's just drunk.
00:12:01Hi, Terry. What makes you so terrific?
00:12:06You've been gone so long, I was just getting ready to call the police.
00:12:09Yeah, well, I got lost along the way.
00:12:12Yeah, but did you get the groceries?
00:12:13Yeah, I got the groceries, but they spoiled on the way.
00:12:16And then the next thing I knew I took a wrong turn
00:12:18and pretty soon I was up a dead-end alley,
00:12:19came back out, took the wrong turn on the street, went...
00:12:21You fucker.
00:12:25Now there is a classic example of the putt putting the bad mouth on the kettle.
00:12:31We're talking like a couple of queens.
00:12:34Bitch.
00:12:35Bitch.
00:12:36Bitch.
00:12:41You know, she's just a regular, screwed-up, hunky broad man.
00:12:45But is she beautiful?
00:12:48Give me that mustard.
00:12:51You gonna cut it for us?
00:12:53Give me a knife.
00:12:56That's no knife.
00:12:57It'll help you cut it.
00:12:59Take a deep drag.
00:13:00What the hell?
00:13:04You'll get used to it.
00:13:06Hold it in your lungs.
00:13:14I think commercials tend to break down communications rather than build them up.
00:13:21You know, I'm trying awfully hard to justify the fact that I'm contributing.
00:13:25If I'm gonna interrupt millions of people's evenings by standing around grinning and eating potato chips.
00:13:31Try to think of it this way.
00:13:34So much bad news comes over that too.
00:13:39Every night.
00:13:41That for just one brief minute, 60 bubbly seconds, a guy can sit back and relax and enjoy daydreaming about
00:13:52a cold glass of bold gold with millions of tiny bubbles.
00:13:58It's like, like, if we could live that violently, that passionately, every 60 seconds of every 24 hours.
00:14:08We'd wear ourselves off.
00:14:11We'd burn brilliantly like Roman candles.
00:14:15If everyone lit just one little candle, we'd all die of carbon monoxide poisoning.
00:14:22We'd all die.
00:14:23My son's depraved.
00:14:26This is, this is depravity.
00:14:30My son is setting a bad example for his father.
00:14:37Get it?
00:14:38My son's setting a bad example for me.
00:14:45Are you rich?
00:14:47I love you.
00:15:03I knew it.
00:15:11It's almost as though I were expecting you.
00:15:17Like Bradley's comic.
00:15:21Appears in the western skies every couple of years.
00:15:29Like I said, I don't, I don't give a damn if they're artificially inseminated.
00:15:35Whether they have robots for mothers or whether they're made of computers that come out of a tester.
00:15:43I don't give a damn if they're little bare asses have made of Japan stamp on it.
00:15:48This is a Deja Vu thing.
00:15:49There's so little babies that are going to have mouths and they're still going to have to eat.
00:15:54Of course, this has happened before.
00:15:57And in the year 2000.
00:15:59Even if they're made of plastic, those little plastic babies are going to have mouths and they're going to be
00:16:03eating Bradley's baby.
00:16:05But do you realize what it looks like?
00:16:09What would it look like?
00:16:10Baby food.
00:16:12Do you realize what it looks like?
00:16:14Only now you're bringing your own theater party.
00:16:19Tell me!
00:16:20Master!
00:16:22Master!
00:16:30It does look like the subject.
00:16:32I told ya!
00:16:34There look, wait a minute...
00:16:37Where's your joints?
00:16:40Where is your?
00:16:41Where is your...
00:16:44Damn, these kid nerves!
00:17:03Oh, God!
00:17:18Oh, God help me
00:17:48Oh, no more of that
00:18:05Michael, what are you doing?
00:18:09Relax, you're gonna enjoy this
00:18:11Michael, get off of me right now
00:18:14Michael!
00:18:16Michael, I'm getting out of here right now
00:18:22Let go
00:18:27Oh, come on
00:18:30Oh, wait, wait
00:18:33Look, how do you want it?
00:18:40I'm tired of playing games
00:18:42I mean, moonlight in roses
00:18:44or sleeping bags in the desert
00:18:47Would you dig a magical trip to a mountain top somewhere?
00:18:52I mean, just say the word, I can arrange it
00:18:55I'm afraid of you, Michael
00:18:57Please let me go
00:19:05Okay, get lost
00:19:08Okay, get lost
00:19:28Help yourself
00:19:33Help yourself
00:19:35Help yourself
00:19:36Help yourself
00:19:38Help yourself
00:19:39Here
00:19:39Help yourself
00:19:44You know what's your problem in this, Terry?
00:19:47You give people the impression that you're an easy light
00:19:54You give people the impression that you're an easy light
00:19:55She shines in her performance
00:19:58She has that available look that makes every man think he can have her
00:20:14Where's the kid?
00:20:17You killed him
00:20:33He's across the hall with the neighbors
00:20:40Wake me up when I can use my bed, will you?
00:20:43Terry
00:20:44Oh, better yet
00:20:45Just let me sleep it off here
00:20:46Terry
00:20:47Oh, now look
00:20:49We're not gonna talk about anything we haven't talked about before, right?
00:20:54Okay, now, do you wanna screw?
00:20:56You wanna kick my ass?
00:21:01Okay
00:21:07You know where the blues is
00:21:10If you're not here when I wake up
00:21:12I'll see you again in another couple of years
00:21:21You've spent your whole life running away from your past
00:21:27How come you always wind up back here?
00:21:30Yeah
00:21:30It ain't a goddamn male of it
00:21:42Chris
00:21:42Chris
00:21:43Wake up
00:21:45It's morning
00:21:46Yeah
00:21:48Chris
00:21:49How much do I leave her?
00:21:51Huh?
00:21:52How much do I leave her?
00:21:55Oh, I forgot
00:21:58Come on, let's get out of here
00:21:59Yeah
00:22:00Come on
00:22:04Chrissy
00:22:06This is your daddy
00:22:10And that's your daddy's daddy
00:22:25So you're a father, huh?
00:22:28I don't know
00:22:29What you mean you don't know?
00:22:31Well, I think she's lying
00:22:32I don't think it's my kid
00:22:34She could sue you
00:22:35No, Terry would never do anything like that
00:22:38She could bring fornication and bastardy proceedings against you
00:22:44Well, it's practically her word against yours
00:22:48That sounds obscene
00:22:49And if the court found that you were really the father
00:22:52Which it probably would
00:22:53You'd have to go on supporting that child
00:22:55Until it was able to take care of itself
00:22:58Oh
00:23:01Fornication and bastardy proceedings
00:23:03What?
00:23:12Well
00:23:13You'd better get it straightened out, Chris
00:23:15Here comes my train
00:23:18But I want you to call me Friday
00:23:21And I'll talk to Mac about it
00:23:23No, I don't want you to do that
00:23:25Listen
00:23:26You call me Friday
00:23:28Okay, I'll call you Friday
00:23:35You don't want to come home
00:23:38You don't want to come home
00:23:39I'll be home
00:23:41No, I won't go
00:23:59I'll talk to you
00:24:00How did I grow?
00:24:09The only thing in the world I wanted, right then, happened.
00:24:23I mean, all of a sudden, boom, there she was,
00:24:26and I couldn't turn around and walk away from it.
00:24:34I'm sorry.
00:24:37You all right?
00:24:46Are you all right?
00:24:52Shit!
00:25:15Say, girl, you know you almost killed me.
00:25:17I'm sorry.
00:25:20I missed the train.
00:25:22Well, what's more important, catching the train or a human life?
00:25:25My life.
00:25:28Catching the train.
00:25:41This one's very good.
00:25:45This one, uh, looks a little fat.
00:25:49Fat?
00:25:49Oh, this is very bad for you.
00:25:51Very bad for you.
00:25:52It's very unflattering.
00:25:54Everyone has just raved about those photos.
00:25:57Your friends, right?
00:25:58Mm-hmm.
00:25:59They're just lying to you.
00:26:01They're trying to be kind.
00:26:04Uh, what were you late for?
00:26:06An audition.
00:26:07An audition for a commercial.
00:26:10Television commercial?
00:26:11Yes.
00:26:13Television commercial for what?
00:26:15Mason's.
00:26:17Mason's what?
00:26:20Toilet bowl cleaner.
00:26:22You're kidding me.
00:26:24You mean I got laid out because of somebody's toilet bowl cleaner?
00:26:28I'm not kidding.
00:26:29I would have had the job, too.
00:26:31Mm-hmm.
00:26:32Ten commercials.
00:26:33Do you realize how much money that is?
00:26:36I have to get there.
00:26:37That's pretty heavy.
00:26:39You know, you are never gonna make it on TV.
00:26:42What?
00:26:42Your butt's too big.
00:26:44What?
00:26:44Your ass.
00:26:46Well, don't get me wrong.
00:26:47I kind of like it.
00:26:47But it's, uh, really too big for television.
00:26:52Come on, my Jeep is right out there.
00:26:54I'll give you a ride.
00:26:59Apologize first.
00:27:02Do you want a ride?
00:27:06And we'll all go together
00:27:14To peak wild mountain time
00:27:26All around
00:27:30The Bloomin' Heather
00:27:35Where you go
00:27:41Well...
00:27:43Well, go ahead.
00:27:44Go help make all the toilet bowls in the world just a little bit cleaner.
00:27:47Shut up.
00:27:49Oh...
00:27:49Is that any way to talk to somebody who's just given you a ride?
00:27:53Did you really mean what you said about my...
00:27:55About your what?
00:27:56Hmm?
00:27:57Hmm?
00:27:58About your what?
00:28:02Well, I haven't eaten in 48 hours.
00:28:03I've got to go get something to eat.
00:28:05I want an apology.
00:28:06An apology?
00:28:09Girl, with your figure, your father must be the producer of that commercial.
00:28:12My father is Lyle Harris.
00:28:14And who's that?
00:28:15The news commentator, Lyle Harris.
00:28:17Oh, yeah.
00:28:19That big bag of hot air.
00:28:21I should've realized a daughter of his would be all screwed up.
00:28:24He's all screwed up.
00:28:25You can't talk to me like...
00:28:26You can't talk about my father like that.
00:28:30You're gonna be late.
00:28:31You can't talk to me like that.
00:28:33You just can't pick a girl up off the street and tell her her father's a bag of hot air
00:28:37and that she has a fat ass.
00:28:38I want an apology.
00:28:40Uh, hello?
00:28:42Uh, may I speak to the, uh, uh, toilet bowl people?
00:28:49They knew who I meant.
00:28:53Uh, hello?
00:28:55Hello, is this, uh, is this the toilet, uh, uh, is this the toilet bowl person in charge?
00:29:02Uh, yeah, well, uh, I'm calling for Miss, uh, I'm calling for, uh, Lyle Harris's daughter, Miss Harris.
00:29:10I'm calling for Miss Harris.
00:29:12Yes, I'm her manager and, uh, I hear, I understand that you've, uh, asked her to audition for some commercials
00:29:18and, uh, well, I'm, uh, well, first of all, Miss Harris doesn't audition for a job.
00:29:25You either take her or you don't.
00:29:28And secondly, I'm not sure I like the association with toilet bowl cleaners.
00:29:31I'm not too sure it's good for her career.
00:29:33You know what I mean?
00:29:33Her image.
00:29:40Okay, now, I got you the day off and I got you the job.
00:29:44Hey, what's an agent get?
00:29:45Ten percent?
00:29:46Who'd you talk to?
00:29:47Oh, I don't know.
00:29:49Mr. Toilet Bowl Cleaner.
00:29:51Anyway, he said the only people that would be uptight with your association with toilet bowl cleaners would be the
00:29:56beer people.
00:29:57The beer?
00:29:58You do beer stuff?
00:29:59Anyway, he said they'd be the only ones to be uptight about it and that the toilet bowl cleaning gig
00:30:04would be a lot better financially and that the exposure would be greater.
00:30:08You're out of your mind.
00:30:10Look, now can we go get something to eat?
00:30:13Dressed like this?
00:30:19You don't look too bad.
00:30:21I mean you, dummy.
00:31:11What do you think they'll find on the moon?
00:31:14Do you like Italian food?
00:31:16Chinese food?
00:31:17Did anybody ever buy anything because of a television commercial?
00:31:20No.
00:31:20No.
00:31:20Have you ever been to a cat house?
00:31:22You still go to church.
00:31:24Are you a virgin?
00:31:25How many girls have you made it with?
00:31:31On the roof of a car.
00:31:33On a roller coaster.
00:31:35You know what I mean?
00:31:36Oh.
00:31:38Hey.
00:31:40What's your name?
00:31:41What's yours?
00:31:42Where are you from?
00:31:43Where'd you go after that?
00:31:45Then what did you do?
00:31:46Why did you come back?
00:31:47What did you do about?
00:31:49Have you ever turned on?
00:31:50No, I mean, have you ever been really stoned?
00:31:53No, I mean really smashed.
00:31:54Really smashed.
00:31:56What would you ever want to do a thing like that for?
00:31:58You know what I mean.
00:32:00You know what I mean?
00:32:02Do you have any brothers or sisters?
00:32:05Are you engaged or married or anything?
00:32:08Are you going with anyone?
00:32:10I go with God.
00:32:12What does God look like?
00:32:14I don't know.
00:32:14You know, it's always easier to explain something after it happens.
00:32:17Now, it could have been that I got involved with the chicks
00:32:21just simply because I wouldn't have an excuse to stick around
00:32:23and take care of the other situation.
00:32:24I don't know.
00:32:25It could have been any number of things.
00:32:29I sure as hell was not looking for any kind of real involvement.
00:32:34I wasn't looking for another lady.
00:32:37I wasn't looking to get my life any more screwed up than it was right then.
00:32:40But...
00:32:43But...
00:33:11Maybe say that it was a win or anything.
00:33:25I was there for my son.
00:33:25Heuckt that the, ayuda was it somebody.
00:33:28I would have got both doctors who able toMen and his wife were all over.
00:33:29I was going to try again.
00:33:36There was a life buildings that...Of
00:33:40course, it was good news. And
00:33:50The End
00:34:17I've been in town over 24 hours now, and I'm still just arriving.
00:34:22Just messing around, doing nothing.
00:34:26I don't know where I'm going, what I'm going to do.
00:34:30I don't even know what I'll be doing an hour from now.
00:34:33I think it's great to be that way.
00:34:40There's a mission down the road.
00:34:41You can get a clean bed and a bowl of soup.
00:34:43I'm going to open this door.
00:35:06swinging
00:35:06Chris, Chris.
00:35:08Chris, close the door.
00:35:11Chris!
00:35:12Oh, you maniac.
00:35:26You better get away from my door, mister.
00:35:28I'm going to call the cops.
00:35:34Chris?
00:35:38Hello, lady. I'm from the Fornicator Society,
00:35:41and I would like to ask you a few questions.
00:35:43We're conducting a survey on the sexual habits
00:35:45of young unmarried females.
00:35:54You're going to give me a reputation.
00:35:56Well, so what?
00:35:57What's wrong with a reputation?
00:35:59Without a reputation, you're nothing.
00:36:04You know,
00:36:06that's what's wrong with the world.
00:36:09People don't devote enough time to giving themselves reputations.
00:36:16I don't think it's so ridiculous for me to want you to leave.
00:36:21I didn't say anything.
00:36:23But you think it's ridiculous.
00:36:26Well, it's not as though my leaving is going to eliminate the possibility of your getting laid, daughter.
00:36:31Nope.
00:36:33Mm-hmm. Well?
00:36:35I know all that.
00:36:37Mm-hmm.
00:36:38But I've never done that before.
00:36:42It's just the one thing that I don't want to do.
00:36:46I mean, we can make love, and that's right.
00:36:49But going to bed...
00:36:54Well, Lynn...
00:36:56How would you like it if I slept on the couch?
00:37:00You're going to think I'm crazy, but that would be okay.
00:37:07Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
00:37:11Don't you have any little hang-ups like that?
00:37:13Things held over from your upbringing?
00:37:15Yeah, I'm afraid of cops.
00:37:17Hey, don't you have any little bathtub toys?
00:37:20Little selfie toys? Something?
00:37:22No, that's a hang-up.
00:37:24Little boats? Little toy boats?
00:37:25No.
00:37:29Hey! Oh!
00:37:31What's wrong with that?
00:37:34Little toy boats are contributive to the nation's economy.
00:37:38Important market items.
00:37:41Hey!
00:37:42You may be called upon someday to do a television commercial for...
00:37:48somebody's toy aircraft carriers.
00:37:54Somebody has to sell little plastic aircraft carriers.
00:38:09Somebody has to sell little plastic aircraft carriers.
00:38:26They have to sell little plastic aircraft carriers.
00:38:26Chris, why do you want me?
00:38:30All I could ever come up with was your...
00:38:32Hell of a beautiful lady.
00:38:33She was a hell of a beautiful lady, but that's not enough to...
00:38:37I love you.
00:38:45Well...
00:38:46That's kind of understandable, isn't it?
00:38:48Yeah, well, I dug her.
00:38:49I mean, there was something, there was a certain part of Lynn...
00:38:51that always got to me.
00:38:53I could never...
00:38:55really understand it.
00:38:56I could never figure it out.
00:38:58I couldn't tell her.
00:39:00Chris...
00:39:01What are you going to do?
00:39:04Hmm?
00:39:05I mean, are we going to be together for a while?
00:39:10Mm-hmm.
00:39:14I'll have to find an apartment for you.
00:39:20I still don't have it clear.
00:39:23I still can't figure out why the whole thing happened.
00:39:47Don't you believe in law and order?
00:39:48Don't you believe that that policeman should...
00:39:50was just doing his job?
00:39:51You just have to pay your doctor bills and everything.
00:39:54Well, then don't stand in the way next time.
00:39:56And don't stand in my way.
00:39:57I have to move along, sir.
00:39:58People are waiting to say important things on this show.
00:40:00Good morning.
00:40:01Lay it out of line.
00:40:02Yeah, well, that's who you called.
00:40:04Go ahead.
00:40:05Speak your piece.
00:40:05I have a problem here that...
00:40:07You've got a problem.
00:40:08We're walking down the street.
00:40:09Everybody has a problem, sir.
00:40:10What's your problem?
00:40:11Walking?
00:40:11Let me get into this thing now.
00:40:12Well, go ahead.
00:40:13I'm waiting.
00:40:14Walking down the street.
00:40:15You've got these damn pigeons.
00:40:17And they're arrogant as hell.
00:40:19You walk up the street and they'll stand in front of you.
00:40:22They talk back to you, sir.
00:40:23Is that your problem?
00:40:24No, they don't.
00:40:25They won't move.
00:40:26They won't move.
00:40:27And they've got me to...
00:40:28You mean to say you're the kind of man that can't even frighten a pigeon?
00:40:30Well, I frighten them.
00:40:32If they don't move, I swing my feet and I give them a healthy kick.
00:40:35Well, I walk along the street.
00:40:37When they see me coming, they move out of the way, sir.
00:40:39Well, even whenever you're driving down the street, they won't even move out of the way.
00:40:43And I just...
00:40:44Sometimes I get so doggone mad that I just drive right for them.
00:40:48Well, then you've solved the problem.
00:40:50There don't happen to be any pedestrians around these pigeons when you're driving.
00:40:53I know, but it would take a year to kill them all, all by myself.
00:40:55Hello.
00:40:56Hi.
00:41:01They're great.
00:41:02Oh, they're wonderful.
00:41:05How'd you get them so fast?
00:41:09Hi.
00:41:10You can't see you.
00:41:12Oh, yeah.
00:41:13You can see me in the other room.
00:41:14Oh, I see.
00:41:16I'm not kidding.
00:41:18Mm-hmm.
00:41:19No, I'm serious.
00:41:21You know, you see the other side in the other room.
00:41:30You rat.
00:41:31Now, wait a minute before you vilify me further.
00:41:33See what I've brought in from the West.
00:41:35The finest and exotic food and drink, a veritable treasure trove of palatable perfection.
00:41:45Even got old dope.
00:41:46You're kidding.
00:41:47Yeah, I'm only kidding you.
00:41:53Is this it?
00:41:54That is grass, lady.
00:41:57Good grass.
00:41:58I've never seen it loose before.
00:42:01Only it's a grass.
00:42:04You are a liar.
00:42:05No.
00:42:06You're a liar.
00:42:07Smoke it.
00:42:08No, not now.
00:42:09Yes, please.
00:42:13I have to change.
00:42:14What's that?
00:42:15It's a typewriter.
00:42:17Been doing a little writing.
00:42:18I couldn't find a pencil.
00:42:21Where'd you get it?
00:42:22I bought it.
00:42:24I don't know whether to believe you or not.
00:42:27You are not a very trusting person.
00:42:30A liar and a not very trusting person.
00:42:36What are you writing?
00:42:38My first novel.
00:42:40What's it about?
00:42:42Nothing.
00:42:43Nothing?
00:42:44And everything.
00:42:46Everything and nothing.
00:42:48Well, it isn't about anything.
00:42:49It is something.
00:42:52Then what is it?
00:42:55It's a book.
00:42:56It's a book!
00:42:58Does it have a story?
00:43:02Hmm?
00:43:03No.
00:43:03The book will have a cover.
00:43:06Probably a jacket with my picture on it.
00:43:11Pages.
00:43:14You probably have, uh,
00:43:17four or five hundred pages.
00:43:23Where'd you get the grass?
00:43:24Oh, well, you didn't have any of that here either,
00:43:27so I borrowed some from your next door neighbor.
00:43:29Oh.
00:43:30I know that's not true.
00:43:31Mr. Straight.
00:43:32Oh, Mr. Straight lived next door?
00:43:35Mm-hmm.
00:43:35Hmm, damn.
00:43:37I always wondered where Mr. Straight lived.
00:43:39He lives next door.
00:43:40Boy, is he a turn-off.
00:43:42Oh, yeah?
00:43:42Mm-hmm.
00:43:43You ever sleep with him?
00:43:44No.
00:43:45Oh, that's right.
00:43:46You don't sleep with anybody.
00:43:48You ever have sex with him?
00:43:50You're a very rude person.
00:43:52That's right.
00:43:53But you gotta admit,
00:43:54it's a productive kind of rudeness.
00:43:57Keeps things in perspective.
00:43:59I'm glad you're still here.
00:44:05I don't know.
00:44:05What'd you do today?
00:44:07Hmm.
00:44:08Another commercial thing.
00:44:10Oh, that's weird.
00:44:13An aluminum fry pan.
00:44:16Hmm.
00:44:18Wait a minute.
00:44:26Oh, I have one of these things to hold it when it gets small.
00:44:30Oh.
00:44:31Hmm.
00:44:38What are you doing?
00:44:39No.
00:44:40Come on.
00:44:41Now, take a deep drag and hold it.
00:44:43Where'd you get this?
00:44:44Now, maybe this'll explain it to you.
00:44:45Now, hold it in really deep.
00:44:47As long as you can.
00:44:51Saw it in cigarettes, huh?
00:44:52I don't know if Lynn was really into it,
00:44:54or if she was just behaving the way she thought I wanted her to behave.
00:44:58Or what?
00:44:59I don't know.
00:45:00I don't know if the girl was stoned or not.
00:45:01Did you see On the Beach?
00:45:03Hmm?
00:45:04On the Beach.
00:45:04The movie.
00:45:06Hmm.
00:45:07There's a scene in there that reminds me of this.
00:45:10There were these two people.
00:45:12I think they were married.
00:45:14Yeah, they were married because they had a child.
00:45:16They had to kill the child.
00:45:18They had to kill it?
00:45:19Yeah.
00:45:20Well, everyone was dying of radiation anyway, you know.
00:45:23So the governments were passing out these poison pills,
00:45:26so you could die painlessly.
00:45:28And so, they got all tucked in bed,
00:45:30and they took their pills with their tea.
00:45:35And that reminds you of this?
00:45:37Yeah.
00:45:38Oh.
00:45:40No.
00:45:40Okay.
00:45:41No, really, that's not the part.
00:45:42No, I understand.
00:45:43No, really.
00:45:44You see, they got all tucked in bed,
00:45:46and they took their pills,
00:45:48and then they had to wait.
00:45:49They didn't know when it would happen.
00:45:51That's the part.
00:45:55Who the hell knows what they want?
00:45:58Who knows what they want?
00:45:59Who knows what's right or wrong?
00:46:02Who knows why they do everything they do?
00:46:09I think sometimes we get all fouled up into looking for too many answers,
00:46:14and we end up doing nothing, you know?
00:46:17You know what I mean?
00:46:18And we spend a lot of time trying to solve old problems,
00:46:22and we don't get anywhere.
00:46:24So, of course, a lot of it is inside my head.
00:46:27A lot of it's wrapped up inside there,
00:46:29but why do I have to keep spending time trying to figure out why,
00:46:32and telling people why,
00:46:33and why do I have to have a reason for the whole thing all the time?
00:46:38I don't know why it happened.
00:46:43You know why you want me?
00:46:46Yeah.
00:46:47Why?
00:46:49Because you're silly.
00:46:53And you're cute.
00:46:56Cute?
00:46:57I think you're cute.
00:47:03And you're honest.
00:47:05About everything.
00:47:07I think that's the most important thing.
00:47:11I don't think I've ever met anyone like you.
00:47:16People just aren't like that.
00:47:19And it should be the easiest thing in the world.
00:47:24I wonder why it isn't.
00:47:27Maybe it is.
00:47:30It just seems right.
00:47:34Happy.
00:47:37It's because it wasn't deliberate.
00:47:41Hmm?
00:47:47We didn't know what was going to happen.
00:47:52That's why it can be honest.
00:47:58I mean, we weren't interested in each other, so...
00:48:03We didn't have time to plan and approach.
00:48:06Yeah.
00:48:10What scene is this?
00:48:1323-8.
00:48:15I guess it doesn't matter why we want each other.
00:48:40I just get so sick of it sometimes.
00:48:44Standing around day after day, turning this way and that way.
00:48:50And either sweating to death under the hot lights or...
00:48:53Trying to get excited about a lousy glass of beer.
00:48:57Hand me my eye pencil.
00:48:59Oh, it's...
00:49:00It's just...
00:49:01It's just frustrating.
00:49:03What do you know about frustration?
00:49:07Maybe I'm just cut out to be a wife and mother.
00:49:10Oh, Lynn, stop jabbering like an ass.
00:49:12Hand me my eyelash curl.
00:49:16Marriage.
00:49:18Look what marriage did for me.
00:49:22Perfect couple, they called us.
00:49:24I was the perfect wife.
00:49:26I was the perfect hostess.
00:49:28I gave perfect dinner parties.
00:49:30I made perfect small talk.
00:49:31Just to push that big baboon to the top.
00:49:38He asked me about the operation.
00:49:41He also said he'll take care of everything that the insurance doesn't cover.
00:49:44I bet he was very reassuring.
00:49:47I can just see his big, fat, happy face just the way he gets when he gives a weather report.
00:49:52Wish I had your chance knowing what I know now.
00:49:54Chance for what?
00:49:57I don't even know what I really want.
00:50:00I'll tell you what you want.
00:50:02You want to get ahead and make a lot of money.
00:50:06Your own money.
00:50:08That's what you want.
00:50:18I should let him stop listening to you.
00:50:22I can never tell when you mean something or when you're just rapping.
00:50:25I mean everything I say when I rap.
00:50:30When are we going to eat them?
00:50:31I stood in line for three hours today to get those forms.
00:50:34Now the least you can do is fill them out.
00:50:35Oh, come on, Lynn.
00:50:37You mean I have to spend four years in school because you wasted three hours in line?
00:50:41You asked me to get these.
00:50:43I thought you were serious.
00:50:49It's the most logical thing you could do.
00:50:51You could sit around for another four years without making a single decision about your life.
00:51:01I've been sitting around here for two months watching you stare at that typewriter and stare at that television,
00:51:07waiting for you to figure out what you want to do.
00:51:09Well, what are you going to do, Chris?
00:51:10I'm pregnant.
00:51:20Oh, Jesus.
00:51:22Oh, Jesus.
00:51:30Oh, wow.
00:51:40I'm not pregnant.
00:51:45I'm sorry.
00:51:57Hello there.
00:51:58Lay it on the line.
00:51:59Hello?
00:52:00Well, who were you calling, sir?
00:52:03Hello?
00:52:03Who were you calling?
00:52:04Who were you calling?
00:52:05Hello?
00:52:06Hello?
00:52:07What, are we going to sit here all day and say hello to each other?
00:52:09Let's forget the amenities.
00:52:11Lay it on the line, sir.
00:52:12I wake up in the morning.
00:52:14And I say to Lynn.
00:52:15Looks to heaven told me why you locked me out of your room last night.
00:52:19And she comes up with some kind of crazy-ass excuse of,
00:52:23my mother's coming today.
00:52:27So I can't sleep with you last night because your mother's coming today?
00:52:31Just the way she said it.
00:52:34It would be like cheating her.
00:52:38I never thought of it that way.
00:52:41Exactly.
00:52:42It's like cheating her.
00:52:46You'll have to get all of your things out of here today.
00:52:57You know, I haven't touched you in three weeks.
00:53:01It's been three days.
00:53:03It's been three days.
00:53:03Might as well be three weeks.
00:53:09Gotta think of my health.
00:53:21Oh, I just stayed away the rest of that day.
00:53:26I want to see Terry and the kid.
00:53:46I want to see Terry and the kid.
00:53:53I want to see you in my room.
00:53:54I want to see him in the morning.
00:53:55And he's on the morning.
00:53:55He's on the day at night.
00:54:04Chris.
00:54:06Hmm?
00:54:14Why do you keep coming back like this?
00:54:16I mean, what does it do for you coming back here?
00:54:32It's too late to get involved in now.
00:54:37We don't need you anymore.
00:54:47I don't need you anymore.
00:54:54Is he my kid, Terry?
00:54:59I'd like to think of him as yours.
00:55:02And I'd really like him to be yours.
00:55:08But I'm not sure.
00:55:13Nice nap, Carpets. Scene nine, take three, sound three.
00:55:19Action.
00:55:20Wouldn't you really love to lay one on your floor?
00:55:25Cut.
00:55:26Okay, camera.
00:55:27Two and a half seconds.
00:55:29Michael, that line is filthy.
00:55:30That's worse now than it was on the script.
00:55:32Works better now.
00:55:33We should go with that original idea we had about
00:55:35put a nice nap on your floor.
00:55:37I mean, you have a nice nap.
00:55:38No, no, no, no.
00:55:39That's not where it is.
00:55:39That was better. This is dirty.
00:55:40This is today.
00:55:41This is not the kind of thing that people want to have.
00:55:44There's a Lynn Harris here to see you.
00:55:46I think we ought to go back to that original idea we were talking about.
00:55:49We're going to shoot it this way. It works. I like it this way.
00:55:53Well, you're running things around here, Michael, but I don't like it.
00:56:01Michael?
00:56:08Michael, I have to talk with you.
00:56:09Okay, let's roll another one.
00:56:11Quiet, please.
00:56:13Let's slay it.
00:56:14Nice nap carpet.
00:56:15Scene nine.
00:56:16Take five.
00:56:17Sound five.
00:56:18Okay.
00:56:19Action.
00:56:20Okay.
00:56:20Really lean into it.
00:56:22Convince me.
00:56:22Wouldn't you really love to lay one on your floor?
00:56:28Okay.
00:56:28One more time.
00:56:29You moved your eyes.
00:56:30Keep your eyes right on me.
00:56:31Keep your eyes right on me.
00:56:32Okay?
00:56:33Give it to me.
00:56:43Okay, let's take.
00:56:50Michael.
00:56:51This is important.
00:56:53So is this.
00:56:54All right.
00:56:55Here we go again.
00:56:56Call me tomorrow.
00:56:57Quiet, please.
00:57:17Shazam.
00:57:21Shazam.
00:57:25Shazam.
00:57:26All right.
00:57:26What are you doing?
00:57:27I'm trying to fly.
00:57:29Captain Marvel can fly.
00:57:31Why can't I fly?
00:57:33Chris, you're not an idiot.
00:57:34Why do you just act like an idiot?
00:57:38Butchers, bakers, candlestick makers.
00:57:48Do you know a tribe of Indians that needs a good Indian chief?
00:57:59You know, I think I would make one hell of a good Indian chief.
00:58:15Height?
00:58:16I have nine.
00:58:19Weight?
00:58:21155.
00:58:23Eyes.
00:58:26Dirty brown.
00:58:28Black.
00:58:29Dirty brown.
00:58:30Well, can't you just write down black?
00:58:32What the hell do they care?
00:58:33Eyes.
00:58:34Single, married, divorced.
00:58:37What do you intend to major in?
00:58:41Now, that's frightening.
00:58:43What?
00:58:44What do you intend to do with the next 50 or 60 years of your life?
00:58:48Hey, I'm sorry, Lynn, but I'm gonna have to waste three hours of your life.
00:58:52Chris!
00:58:52Now, wait a minute.
00:58:53Wait a minute.
00:58:55I got a job.
00:58:57Well, I have an interview for a job, and I don't see any reason why they wouldn't give it to
00:59:01me,
00:59:01because I am magnificent.
00:59:04Come on, let's go to bed.
00:59:05Chris.
00:59:06Come on.
00:59:08Where?
00:59:09In the bedroom.
00:59:10Where else?
00:59:11What kind of job?
00:59:13Where?
00:59:15A very good job.
00:59:18Are you serious?
00:59:20Pierce Burns and Manspeaker.
00:59:26You have an interview?
00:59:27With Mr. Manspeaker himself.
00:59:32Chris, that's one of the biggest agencies.
00:59:36Oh.
00:59:37And now they're gonna have a copywriter who can write good.
00:59:41Well, good.
00:59:42Chris, you just can't walk into a place like that and expect to get a job because you think you
00:59:47can do it better than anyone else.
00:59:48You can't do it!
00:59:50You need experience.
00:59:52Be sensible.
00:59:54Hey, Lynn.
00:59:54Wait a minute.
00:59:55What the hell is this?
00:59:57Now, I don't wanna go to school for four years.
01:00:00Now, you tell me what the hell is sensible.
01:00:03My guitar?
01:00:04Is that sensible?
01:00:05Look, I got a good shot at this job, and I can do it.
01:00:08I'm surprised they'd even let you in the door.
01:00:13Oh.
01:00:18I used your father's name as a reference.
01:00:20Don't you care about anything?
01:00:22Oh, Jesus Christ!
01:00:23What the hell is bugging you?
01:00:36You're a bitch, you know that?
01:00:41I see, you were referred to us by, uh...
01:00:45Lyle Harris.
01:00:45That's Lyle Harris, the newscaster?
01:00:48That's right.
01:00:49That's a pretty good reference.
01:00:50Very good reference.
01:00:52Now, uh, what agency are you from?
01:00:55None.
01:00:56With no experience, will we rally?
01:00:57As an advertiser, no.
01:00:59As a writer, yes.
01:01:01I do have a good background for advertising, however.
01:01:05What background?
01:01:06I was a pimp for a couple of years.
01:01:11Did you say pimp?
01:01:14He said pimp.
01:01:15Pimp.
01:01:17Well, what's a pimp got to do it?
01:01:19I'm selling myself to you right now, and I'm succeeding.
01:01:23What makes you think you're succeeding?
01:01:25Your pupils.
01:01:27Pupils?
01:01:28Pupils.
01:01:30Your pupils have expanded since we've been talking.
01:01:33Your emotional response to me is positive.
01:01:37I have an unusual approach, and you're interested.
01:01:39I could apply this approach to whatever you're selling.
01:01:44I have a hunch about you.
01:01:46This is a young country.
01:01:48Half the people under 25.
01:01:50And we must communicate with the Pepsi generation.
01:01:54You seem to have the necessary get up and go.
01:01:57Go, go, go.
01:01:59You see, I feel as though a pimp makes a natural advertiser.
01:02:06They both deal with the public in the same way.
01:02:10Offering a release.
01:02:13A solution to frustrations.
01:02:14A fulfillment of desires.
01:02:17One does it with a quick piece of ass, the other with a new deodorant.
01:02:23Toilet bowl cleaner.
01:02:26Well, that's one way of putting it, yes.
01:02:28That's one hell of a way of putting it.
01:02:30Harry, you'll have to admit that's one hell of a way of putting it.
01:02:33I'll have to talk to Bill and see if this will fit into our triple treat philosophy.
01:02:38Triple treat?
01:02:38Our agency philosophy.
01:02:40A treat in the product.
01:02:41A treat in the message.
01:02:43Tailored to treat a target audience.
01:02:45I think that can wait, Ralph.
01:02:47Also, I'd like to have a few words with Chris alone, if you don't mind.
01:02:51Oh, surely, sir.
01:02:51You people go right along.
01:02:53Go ahead.
01:02:54Oh, if I may inject just one other item.
01:02:58Chris, about your hair.
01:03:01Don't worry about it, fella.
01:03:03Long hair is a-okay with us.
01:03:06Really.
01:03:08Just thought I'd reassure him that hair has nothing to do with whether or not he got the job.
01:03:21Personnel, Marilyn.
01:03:23I love you, Marilyn.
01:03:24Oh, I love you too, Bob.
01:03:26Marilyn, have Larry send Ralph on a two-week vacation, will you?
01:03:29He's getting pushy again.
01:03:30And Marilyn, ask Larry to set Ralph up.
01:03:36You mean?
01:03:37Yeah.
01:03:37Will do.
01:03:38Thanks, love.
01:03:41I have a hunch about you, Chris.
01:03:43See, that's what the hell is wrong with everything.
01:03:45There's a trainee meeting tomorrow at 10.
01:03:48See you there.
01:03:50I mean, how can I place any kind of value on a thing like that?
01:03:54I went in there and just fed those people all kinds of horseshit and they offered me a job.
01:03:58Chris, I'm an idiot.
01:04:01Yes, you are.
01:04:06I'm an idiot and a child and I'm sorry.
01:04:11It's just...
01:04:20I don't want to screw things up.
01:04:23I don't want to screw things up for you.
01:04:24Hey, Marilyn, that's not the hit.
01:04:26That's not the hit at all.
01:04:28It's not you, it's me.
01:04:30But you're not forcing me into doing anything I don't want to do.
01:04:33I want to do it.
01:04:34I knew it before I met you.
01:04:35I was going to have to get...
01:04:38Get into a new thing.
01:04:39I knew I was going to have to get a new thing together.
01:04:41Maybe all I needed was to get up off my dead ass.
01:04:45To finally do something.
01:04:52I'll tell you why I came back here.
01:04:58I might have a kid.
01:05:00I might be a father.
01:05:03I don't know, it's just some girl I used to...
01:05:07She has this little boy.
01:05:10To tell you the truth, I couldn't tell you how she took it.
01:05:14Kid looks like me.
01:05:18There must be 150 kids, it would look like me.
01:05:23I mean, I couldn't even explain to you what the reaction was.
01:05:26There was like a...
01:05:30A no reaction.
01:05:39If I knew the kid was mine,
01:05:42I'd take care of it.
01:05:44If Lynn had had a kid...
01:05:46If Lynn and I had a kid...
01:05:48I would have married her.
01:05:51Yeah.
01:05:53But who the hell needs that?
01:06:02Little boy.
01:06:07His name's Chris.
01:06:33Little boy.
01:06:36Three months.
01:06:40I didn't know who else to come to.
01:06:48What about the father?
01:06:50He doesn't know.
01:07:00Well, let's see.
01:07:01Father doesn't know, you don't want him to know.
01:07:05The whole thing wouldn't work out anyway, right?
01:07:07Look, I know what I'm doing.
01:07:09I've already made up my mind.
01:07:10And I thought you could help me.
01:07:13Funny, when I said I could arrange anything,
01:07:15I was thinking of creating something, not destroying it.
01:07:19Thank you, Michael.
01:07:20Oh, that was cruel.
01:07:22I'm sorry.
01:07:24Guess I'm a bit envious of your friend.
01:07:27Can I take your order?
01:07:29No, I'd like a check.
01:07:38I have to make a few phone calls.
01:07:48How do we get young men to join the army?
01:07:55How do we get them to want to be part of the army team?
01:08:02You were in the service, weren't you, Chris?
01:08:04That's why we've chosen this army recruiting campaign for your trial assignment.
01:08:08Now, we'd like you to whip up a few TV commercials for us.
01:08:11Now, here's all the dope you'll need.
01:08:13It'll give you hints on what to point out.
01:08:16Why would a young man want to, uh, risk getting his full head blown off?
01:08:22Maybe it's the sharp uniform.
01:08:26Or we could play up the leader of men aspect.
01:08:32I've got it.
01:08:33The nurse.
01:08:34The army nurse.
01:08:35Dancing with a pretty army nurse.
01:08:38Isn't that beautiful?
01:08:41Or, maybe it's all those shining bright medals.
01:08:45The, uh, status thing.
01:08:49Hang on, Chris.
01:08:51Here's the whole ball of wax.
01:08:55Good luck, son.
01:08:58Oh, and remember.
01:09:00A treat in the product.
01:09:01A treat in the message.
01:09:03Tailored to treat a target audience.
01:09:36It's very beautiful.
01:09:37I'm so hungry, too.
01:09:37I'm so hungry.
01:09:38I'm so hungry.
01:09:39I don't know.
01:09:39I don't know.
01:09:40I'm really hungry.
01:09:41Got a treat.
01:09:43I'm hungry, too.
01:09:44What a treat.
01:09:45It's a good, isn't it?
01:09:46I'm-
01:09:46I've burnt out.
01:09:47I'm hungry.
01:09:49I'm sorry.
01:09:51I can't do it.
01:10:23All these goddamn people.
01:10:26All these goddamn gray flannel briefcases, afternoon shoppers.
01:10:32Staring at this silly-ass collection of gears and pulleys.
01:10:37Silly-ass piece of junk.
01:10:41Trying to figure it out.
01:10:43Trying to analyze it.
01:10:45What does it mean?
01:10:48Just because I'm silly-ass stuck it out there where you can get a good look at it.
01:10:52What do you want, Chris?
01:10:54What do you want?
01:10:56Oh, I want.
01:11:00Peanut butter sandwich.
01:11:02What else?
01:11:07A Malibu Beach four-ply construction perma-press tie.
01:11:15And a bowl of electric cherries.
01:11:17And a partridge in a pear tree.
01:11:21And I want all the people to move out of the cities into national parks.
01:11:26And we'll change the cities into great big amusement parks so you can go there of a Sunday afternoon and
01:11:32fool around.
01:11:41This is good.
01:11:47It's tonight.
01:11:52Number two.
01:11:55No way, às報ver.
01:11:56Oh, jester.facto.
01:11:59Hello. I'll
01:12:00able to breathe in the sea and put on the ocean on our surface.nal population. Can you
01:12:30Jesus, I wish I could talk to you.
01:13:00I wish I could talk to you.
01:13:02She was supposed to come back from some gig she had.
01:13:21And I waited there till 10.30.
01:13:23And I guess I even had my mind made up before that, and I just welcomed the chance.
01:13:29You got the cash?
01:13:31Yeah.
01:13:31Give me it.
01:13:43Okay.
01:13:44You had anything to eat for the last 12 hours?
01:13:46No.
01:13:47That's good.
01:13:49Try to relax.
01:13:50You're probably a little nervous.
01:13:52You're going to have a little miscarriage.
01:13:54Have a drink.
01:13:55Take one drink.
01:13:59I don't want to scare you, but you don't do exactly what you're told.
01:14:02They're going to find you.
01:14:06I've seen a lot of girls go through this.
01:14:09You're going to lose some blood.
01:14:11It's only natural.
01:14:11It happens every time.
01:14:14You follow instructions, do what the man says, everything's fine.
01:14:18He's going to put you up on a table.
01:14:20He's going to reach inside.
01:14:21He's going to make a little hold.
01:14:23About a week or so later, you're going to have that little miscarriage.
01:14:27You don't do what you're told.
01:14:28You've got problems.
01:14:30You understand?
01:14:33Now, it's going to take us about a half hour to get there.
01:14:36I'll bring you back here then.
01:15:03I don't know where she was.
01:15:06I don't know.
01:15:20Hello.
01:15:22Sir?
01:15:25Sit down, if you like.
01:15:26I'll just be a moment.
01:15:34Would you care for a shot of whiskey?
01:15:36I already gave her one.
01:15:37No, no, thank you.
01:15:38Oh, one more won't hurt.
01:15:40I'd just like to get this over with.
01:15:43You know,
01:15:45I think the greatest crime in the world
01:15:47is for a woman to have a baby that she doesn't want.
01:16:03up on the towel, please.
01:16:10Now, please remove your panties,
01:16:11roll your stockings down,
01:16:12and pull your skirt back to your waist.
01:16:22She could have been out of getting an ice cream cone all night.
01:16:24I don't know.
01:16:25She could have been with some other guy.
01:16:26I don't know.
01:16:27I don't know where she was.
01:16:28And I think right at that point,
01:16:30I didn't even really care.
01:16:32I think I was happy that she wasn't there.
01:16:34And I think I was happy that I was angry with her.
01:16:37And I think I was happy just to get the hell out of it.
01:16:42Now, lie back and pull your knees back.
01:16:49Please keep still.
01:16:50You'll feel a sharp pain for about 30 seconds.
01:16:53And that should be all.
01:16:54I'll warn you when it's coming.
01:16:57Don't be afraid of this.
01:17:01It's just used as a guide.
01:17:03Nothing to worry about.
01:17:29It's just used as a guide.
01:17:29Take it easy.
01:17:30Take it easy.
01:17:31Everything's going to be all right.
01:17:32I can't do it.
01:17:33Oh, please, please.
01:17:33No.
01:17:34Listen, I know what I'm doing.
01:17:35Now, relax.
01:17:36Hey, stop it.
01:17:37Stop it.
01:17:38Take it easy.
01:17:43Hey, what are you doing?
01:18:10Don't you?
01:18:18Dad?
01:18:38Yeah, door's open.
01:18:49Yeah? Oh, are you looking for the girl?
01:18:53Terry.
01:18:54No doubt.
01:18:56Oh, yeah?
01:18:59You don't know where, do you?
01:19:00No, the landlord might.
01:19:03Oh, yeah.
01:19:04You want his number?
01:19:06No, no, no, I, uh...
01:19:08No, I can get it.
01:19:11Never mind.
01:19:12Okay.
01:19:17Roger! Roger!
01:19:20Roger!
01:19:22Roger!
01:19:23Oh, Roger!
01:19:24Roger!
01:19:25What's the matter?
01:19:26They're stepping up in our tree.
01:19:27What?
01:19:28Go look!
01:19:43Well, who would I talk to about something like that?
01:19:46Well, let me talk to him then.
01:19:48What are you doing?
01:19:49I'm calling the police.
01:19:51The fuzz?
01:19:53I thought they were just a bunch of fascist pigs.
01:19:58Do you know what that is up in the tree?
01:20:00That's your son.
01:20:02Chris!
01:20:04My son!
01:20:06What the hell are you doing up in that tree?
01:20:08Don't yell at him.
01:20:09He probably has his reasons.
01:20:12Life moves in subtle ways.
01:20:14Get down out of that tree!
01:20:15Don't talk to him like that.
01:20:17He's not a little boy anymore.
01:20:19Then what's he doing up in that tree?
01:20:21You have no idea where she went.
01:20:25I guess I could find out.
01:20:28I don't know.
01:20:33You should have let me handle the whole thing.
01:20:39I called my lawyer.
01:20:40I could have...
01:20:41Could have had that whole mess straightened out.
01:20:45You're just too damn stubborn.
01:20:47You know, being a man means that you're ready to take advice from somebody...
01:20:50Oh, bullshit!
01:20:50What the hell does being a man have to do with letting you handle my problems?
01:20:56Well, I'm not about to stake you to three more years of trying to figure them out for yourself.
01:21:01It's not a stake. It's a loan.
01:21:02Where's my collateral?
01:21:05Well, as long as I keep bumming around on the no-good-hippie-dirty-communist circuit,
01:21:10you're always as short of a piece of ass when I'm in town.
01:21:12Wait a minute now. Your mother won't hear.
01:21:13What the hell?
01:21:14Let her know you're a man, too.
01:21:16Been ignoring that for the last fifteen years.
01:21:18That's about enough. That's about enough of that.
01:21:26Dad...
01:21:27Dad, I just don't want to go to work in your baby food factory.
01:21:37And I don't want to sell vacuum cleaners.
01:21:40And I don't want to sell little toy plastic aircraft carriers.
01:21:44And I don't want to...
01:21:48I don't know what I want.
01:21:53Chris, I think I understand what you're talking about.
01:21:56A little bit, anyway.
01:22:00But these problems are a little bit like going to Howard Johnson's for ice cream.
01:22:07You can get all kinds of wild, exotic flavors, but...
01:22:12Somehow, you always wind up with vanilla.
01:22:15Oh, Jesus Christ, Dad. I could cry.
01:22:17But you get what I mean.
01:22:18Yeah, I don't see how...
01:22:19Listen, all you have to do...
01:22:20...is occasionally, just once in a while, listen to what...
01:22:23There has to be something in your...
01:22:36There's always vanilla, Chris. Always vanilla.
01:22:40That's what it comes down to, you know.
01:22:42If you get what I mean.
01:22:51There's always a little more life available to the man who thinks bold, acts bold.
01:23:09The man who is bold enough to do what he likes, take what he wants, takes the beer that's as
01:23:15bold as his lifestyle.
01:23:17Bold gold.
01:23:23Brewed by men who aren't afraid to put out a beer that's all guts.
01:23:27Brewed for the man who likes to know he's drinking when he drinks a beer.
01:23:39For the man who thinks bold, acts bold, bold gold.
01:23:45In the gold bottle with the bold label.
01:23:52You're a lot too, thank you.
01:23:55My next guest, she's crazy, witty, and her latest job has been choreographing that great off-Broadway show, Putz.
01:24:04Let's have a big round of applause for Elsie Doty.
01:24:15Well, tell us about your putz.
01:24:17Putz.
01:24:19Putz.
01:24:21You ought to hear about my new play.
01:24:22He's a dirty old man.
01:24:23You ought to hear about my new play.
01:24:24Yeah.
01:24:25Really.
01:24:25You want to hear about my new play?
01:24:26Yes, I would, Richard.
01:24:27Yeah.
01:24:28It's called Lost, and it's about, it's about a poor Puerto Rican guy in New York City, the ghetto.
01:24:34He has nine children.
01:24:37I'll get it.
01:24:37His wife said he had five more at one time.
01:24:40I'll get it.
01:24:40At one time?
01:24:41Quintuplets.
01:24:42Here you are, son.
01:24:43I'm right here.
01:24:45Pretty damn light of it.
01:24:46There's nothing in it.
01:24:50Bet you're some kind of a joke.
01:24:53Amy, you don't have a message.
01:24:54I smoke pot.
01:24:56No, we're just sort of shelling them with things the way they are.
01:24:59What the hell is this?
01:25:00Oh, my dear.
01:25:02Here's what I'm thinking.
01:25:11Oh, my dear.
01:25:23Let's go.
01:25:24And we'll all die, for you.
01:25:30Oh, my dear.
01:25:30Together to pick wild mountain tall