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00:13It set the whole world on fire.
00:17Oh, hell yeah.
00:21Yes!
00:37Nau mai, peki mai, welcome to Taskmaster.
00:41Sitting across from me are five comedians who believe they have what it takes to win this season.
00:46Please welcome, Dave Whane!
00:49Whane Hotini, Morgana O'Reilly, Rhys Mathewson, and Rose Matafeo.
01:02And to my left is my trusty sidekick, by which I mean he sits to the side and doesn't mind
01:10if I kick him.
01:10It's Paul Williams!
01:17What are you doing down there, Paul?
01:19Been gambling.
01:23Can I ask you something? The golden head, is that real gold?
01:28No.
01:29Oh man, I'm in a lot of trouble.
01:33Can we get Paul a backup chair? Is there a backup chair?
01:43You ready to go?
01:45Yeah.
01:46Okay, what are we doing first?
01:48As always, we've asked our contestants to bring in a prize.
01:52Tonight, our contestants have brought in the best thing that makes them seem important.
02:00Dave, what did you bring in that makes you seem important?
02:03I brought in the thing that can practically stop time, has more power than even you.
02:09Have a look at this.
02:16Yeah, that controls everything.
02:18You can be in a board meeting anywhere, and if you just had enough, you just stop.
02:24Go.
02:26Rose, what did you bring in?
02:27We all know that nothing makes one feel like more of a Billy Big Balls than a classic car.
02:42Yeah?
02:43But I focused.
02:46So, the more keen-eyed people in the audience will have noticed I've used something called sort of trick photography
02:51here.
02:52So, it turns out you can do this with anything.
02:54You can do it with a helicopter if you like.
02:58It's mine.
02:59A cargo truck there.
03:01Didn't really nail that.
03:02Wow!
03:03On the thing.
03:04But it makes me seem more important.
03:06So, for me to impress someone, I just need them to hold the car?
03:11You need to get some sort of wetter workshop style, you know, forced perspective photography going on.
03:18Okay.
03:18Maybe ring up Richard Taylor.
03:20Peter Jackson.
03:21I feel like if you can ring Peter Jackson, that makes you seem really...
03:27Great!
03:30Yeah, yeah.
03:32Helani, what did you bring in?
03:33So, when I'm like on the train or a bus and I see someone reading a book, I'm like,
03:37oh, that person must be pretty important.
03:38So, I've actually come up with a book to make me seem like the most important person.
03:43And it's your book.
03:45Wow.
03:50Your little quote on the bottom, New Zealand's answer to the Bible.
03:53I was like, whoa, Billy Big Bulls, but...
03:57So, just to be clear, you're more important if you carry around a self-help book.
04:03Doesn't it do the opposite?
04:04You think... No.
04:04Doesn't it say that you're not important, therefore you're trying to be more important?
04:07Make you seem important.
04:09No.
04:09I think...
04:11Yes.
04:12Important people.
04:12I don't think you know very many important people.
04:15Rhys, what did you bring in?
04:17Let's name some important people.
04:19Jay-Z, Saudi Arabia, the Mad Butcher.
04:25What do they all have in common?
04:26They own a sports team.
04:29So, I've bought a sports team.
04:31Wow.
04:32Wow.
04:33Oh!
04:34Yes!
04:36Yes!
04:36Rhys Lightnings!
04:38These are the Rhys Lightnings.
04:40They play in a local under-6 side.
04:42And I now own these boys.
04:46I'm looking at the shoes.
04:47I'm looking at the cable knit jumper.
04:49And you might need to get some police checks before you're around these kids.
04:54Don't focus on my wardrobe.
04:56Focus on these lovely boys.
05:02These athletes.
05:04Morgana, what did you bring?
05:05Well, Jeremy, call me Billy.
05:11Because I have an Emmy.
05:14Whoa!
05:16I know.
05:16Wow.
05:17Yeah.
05:18Like, never mind that it's for short-form content.
05:21You know?
05:21Never mind that it's part of a team.
05:23We want it as part of a team.
05:25It's not necessarily just mine.
05:26Is your actual name engraved on it?
05:28Not from the, they didn't, I put stuff.
05:31It's nice.
05:33Okay.
05:34Let's score it.
05:35We can't stand for what was happening in that photo with Rhys and the soccer team.
05:39So I'm going to give him one point.
05:41It's got to be...
05:42I wrote you a line in the sand.
05:44Getting those parents to sign the release forms.
05:46I'm so worried about them seeing this.
05:52Hawani, I'm going to give you two points.
05:54Because that's a book that makes other people feel more important.
05:56Rose at car, I'm going to give you three points for that.
05:59Dave, four points for the stop go.
06:01There's genuine power in there.
06:02Power!
06:03And anyone looks good with an Emmy, let's be honest.
06:06Five points for Morgana.
06:10That's enough important things.
06:11It's time for the most important thing of all.
06:13A task.
06:15Hoop, hoop, hooray.
06:16It's time to play.
06:27Paul.
06:28Hey Paul.
06:29Hello Dave.
06:30Hello Rose.
06:31Hey Paul.
06:32A little bit of basketball.
06:34Yes.
06:35Do you like basketball?
06:36Sure.
06:37Not really.
06:38Not really.
06:39I do like the Chicago Bulls.
06:41Well they're a b-ball team.
06:43I guess yeah.
06:43So I do like basketball I guess.
06:46Score exactly 300 points playing basketball.
06:50Paul.
06:51That's me.
06:52Every missed shot is worth negative 37 points.
06:55When you think you've scored 300 points.
06:58Kick the ball and Paul will stop the clock.
07:00Fastest or closest to 300 points wins.
07:03You have 30 minutes or until you kick the ball.
07:06Your time stats now.
07:07It's got one point and then a sad sign.
07:11So is that a negative point?
07:12No.
07:13It's just that it's only one point.
07:15Is there a nifty way to get more points or no?
07:17What was the great team?
07:19The great player?
07:21Yeah.
07:22Yeah.
07:23Who was the great Chicago Bulls player?
07:25Michael Jordan.
07:27I know.
07:27Okay.
07:28I know that.
07:29Okay.
07:34Rose, what was it that you just love so much about the Chicago Bulls?
07:39I'm sorry.
07:39I actually can't think about that right now.
07:41Um.
07:42I feel sick.
07:45I feel sick.
07:47I f***ing hate you.
07:51So who's going to be the first ever player of Basket Paul?
07:54Paul.
07:54Up first it's Juani, Morgana and Reece.
07:58Basket Paul.
07:59Can I get you to throw it?
08:00Are you good at it?
08:01You have to throw it.
08:02Okay.
08:03One.
08:05Two.
08:06So that's one point.
08:08In the end.
08:10I did see that.
08:13Oh.
08:18It's in.
08:19I thought you can have a poop on your back and I won't notice that.
08:23Four.
08:26That was a miss.
08:27That was just fun and no.
08:29Because I wasn't aiming it at that point.
08:31What were you saying it was?
08:32It was fun.
08:33It was just fun.
08:34But how many points is your thing worth?
08:36Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:40Sister, under points.
08:41On your back.
08:43Oh.
08:44So I've done it.
08:45All the information you need is in the task.
08:48Oh, shit, the bed.
08:51Nothing but net.
08:52Nothing but net.
08:53So I have to subtract 37 into 600.
08:57Eleven shots is 407.
08:59So that is 16 misses.
09:06This guy can't buy a basket.
09:08Miss.
09:09Was that a shot?
09:10That was a shot.
09:10That was a shot.
09:13Turn the f*** around.
09:16Turn around.
09:17Right now.
09:19Oh, that went in.
09:20It's hard for me to tell, but it did feel like it went in.
09:2415, 16.
09:26Let me double check the maths on that.
09:27Can you bend over like that?
09:33What, you're just having fun again?
09:34Yeah.
09:3574, 128.
09:37I got 900 points.
09:38I'm on like 50 points.
09:42Excuse me.
09:42My favourite number's 12.
09:44No, that doesn't help me.
09:4574 times 3.
09:47But 12 is a...
09:48Shhh.
09:48My favourite number's 12.
09:50Is that what I'm on?
09:51I do kind of think I might be on 12 now.
09:53Which means that I have 78 left to lose.
10:02And then that would put me on 312.
10:05Miss.
10:05And then.
10:06One.
10:08Two.
10:09Three.
10:10There.
10:12I've stopped the clock.
10:1333.
10:15300.
10:18You happy with that?
10:28You were doing some pretty fast maths there, Rhys.
10:31I like maths.
10:33I'm good at it.
10:34So I'm...
10:34But then the number wasn't what was in my head.
10:37Is he good at it, Paul?
10:39His maths was impressive, but his first miss he left out of his calculations.
10:45No.
10:46But he was all pretty much on point, except for his final calculation.
10:50He thought 370 plus 522 was 822, where it actually was 892.
10:56Oh no.
10:59Just wait mate.
11:01His final score, 193.
11:06That was like the one task I was like, I've nailed this.
11:11He was off by 50 points.
11:12So I was off by like 470, wasn't I?
11:15He scored 6 times on the 300 point hoop.
11:1853 times on the 1 point hoop.
11:20And he missed 28 times for a total of 817.
11:30What about Morgana, how did she go?
11:33How did I go?
11:34She scored twice on the 300 point hoop.
11:3616 times on the 1 point hoop.
11:38And she missed 8 times.
11:40320.
11:43How's it mess working out for you?
11:48We'll be back with more Basket Paul after this.
12:04Welcome back to Taskmaster.
12:06We've invented a brand new sport which we expect to replace rugby as the nation's favourite pastime by the end
12:12of the year.
12:13That's right Jeremy, it's a game called Basket Paul and the rules are simple.
12:171 point if you get it in the hoop.
12:19300 points if you get it in the hoop in my back.
12:22Negative 37 points if you miss.
12:24Closest to 300 wins, very simple.
12:26Who have we got shooting hoops next?
12:28It's Dave Whane and Rose Matafeo.
12:32So that's one.
12:34Slam dunk.
12:36Slam dunk.
12:40One.
12:4448.
12:4549.
12:47What are you looking for?
12:49Like another, another hoop.
12:52Another hoop?
12:54Yeah.
12:55What's wrong with this hoop?
12:56It's only one point.
12:57Oh.
12:5867.
12:5968.
13:00There's gotta be some other way.
13:02Maybe there just isn't.
13:04Sometimes there isn't.
13:09I think my brain is broken.
13:11It's so hot.
13:13I'm having a wee water break.
13:18I'm quite bored.
13:20190.
13:21Go for two.
13:22One.
13:23One.
13:24Two.
13:26That's a miss.
13:2899.
13:30200.
13:31Yes!
13:32Yes!
13:33Oh, you need to do 300.
13:36Oh, yeah.
13:38I'm thinking I'm just gonna kick the wall.
13:41Only if you want to.
13:42This is more of like a huge decision for me because it's whether or not I decide I don't care
13:48about anything anymore.
13:49248.
13:51249.
13:52250.
13:53Water.
13:55Tastes better when you've earned it.
13:57I want you to think about future Rose sitting in a red velvet chair in a room packed with over
14:0350 people.
14:04And there's five points on the line.
14:07290.
14:07This guy's like Steph Curry.
14:09291.
14:10292.
14:11And will you be happy at current Rose?
14:14Probably more so.
14:15You'll be more happy?
14:16Yeah.
14:16Oh, okay.
14:17I'll be proud of her.
14:18I'll be watching it and going.
14:19She stood up for what she believes in.
14:22Which is what?
14:23Giving up.
14:24When times get tough.
14:27299.
14:29He's in the post.
14:32Yes!
14:34And stop the fire.
14:36Yeah!
14:37It feels amazing.
14:39Do not have to do it anymore?
14:40Yeah.
14:41Okay.
14:41I feel like I'm in control of my life.
14:43Thank you, Rose.
14:44Thank you, Paul.
14:52So, Rose, did you seriously think we were going to do a task where the whole idea of it was
14:57to put a basketball through a hoop 300 times? I mean...
15:02Yeah, I knew there was going to be something, but I just could not deal with Paul's shit that day.
15:08Okay.
15:08So, I guess we can now ask future Rose how she feels about past Rose's strategy.
15:14I support her.
15:17I stand with my girl.
15:19I think more women should give up.
15:21Yeah.
15:22What's the point in trying to get five points?
15:25It means nothing.
15:26This is a guy who sat through and actually put the ball through the hoop 300 times.
15:30It clearly means something.
15:32No, it didn't because I was waiting the whole time because I knew there must be a trick to it.
15:37So, I went to bed that night thinking, damn foolish game.
15:43You know, I couldn't sleep that night.
15:45Got back up again, paced throughout the east pavilion of the house.
15:50And then walked out to the stables and, you know, made sure the horse was all right.
15:54You know.
15:55Who won?
15:56What was it?
15:57What were we supposed to do?
16:01So, the aim was 300 points.
16:04Mm-hmm.
16:04Rose, 39 points.
16:07Dave.
16:08Rusty Dave.
16:09No, just give it to me, man.
16:11Dave shot for 19 minutes and 21 seconds, 300 points.
16:16Oh.
16:20You're so cold again?
16:21No, I still don't get it, but I'll take it.
16:25I knew exactly what was going on and I would have been better off doing nothing.
16:32So, one point for Huani, two points for Rose, three points for Reece, four points for Morgana and five points
16:39for Dave Farnay.
16:41Oh, the Emmy's coming with me.
16:43How are the scores looking, Paul?
16:46Out in first equal, both on nine, it's Morgana and Dave.
16:53Okay, let's do the next task.
16:55Hark, the next task plays.
17:05Hello, Dave.
17:07Hello, Rose.
17:09Hi, Paul.
17:10Hello, Paul.
17:11You got me a present?
17:12Mm-hmm.
17:13Oh, cutie patootie.
17:15What does that tree make you think of?
17:17We actually didn't have a Christmas tree growing up because my dad thought it was pagan ritual.
17:22When I see that tree, I can't help but think about Christmas.
17:27Have you ever had an MRI?
17:29Oh.
17:35Improved Christmas.
17:36Your improved Christmas must have at least three new traditions.
17:40As well as a new Santa with no similarities to the existing Santa.
17:45Most improved Christmas wins.
17:47You have 30 minutes.
17:49Your time starts now.
17:51I think everybody can agree that Christmas is pretty lame already.
17:54You don't like Christmas?
17:56Uh, it's the best we've got.
17:58I could be the new Santa.
18:00Yep.
18:00So I actually have a degree in acting.
18:01Maybe the new Santa's like a real fedora-wearing kind of uncle.
18:07You know, instead of giving gifts, you know, we take gifts.
18:11So you're kind of like a Robin Hood figure?
18:14No, just Robin.
18:16Oh, okay.
18:17Santa is a man, right?
18:19Yeah.
18:19So the opposite of Santa can't have that in common.
18:21Right.
18:23Ombudsman Bernadette.
18:24So Ombudsman does not take a human form?
18:28No, non-corporeal.
18:29So it's a stealing uncle.
18:31I hope Christmas Uncle Brian, the Christmas Uncle, takes this.
18:36I think the perfect Santa would probably be Rose.
18:40Okay.
18:40I reckon she'd make an awesome go of it and has an awesome playlist.
18:45Different playlist every year?
18:47Different playlist every day.
18:49She's the reminder always, Christmases every day.
18:56I'm fascinated by your idea of opposites, Rhys.
18:59And I can't wait to see non-corporeal ombudsman Bernadette.
19:05This is the one.
19:07Afterwards I went, I think I have lost my mind.
19:11Who's improved Christmas?
19:12Are we going to see first, Paul?
19:14It's time for a very merry Christmas.
19:16It's Christmas.
19:18I can't wait for Christmas tomorrow.
19:22Are you Jesus?
19:24He wishes.
19:25No, it's the new Christmas.
19:26Three great new traditions to take that day from special to extraordinary.
19:31Tradition one.
19:32It's socially acceptable to cut one person out of your life.
19:35You know that person that you always bump into at the supermarket and they say something like,
19:39we should get drinks sometime.
19:41And you go, yeah, great.
19:43On Christmas, it's totally fine to just text that person and say, hey, you're my Christmas card.
19:49That sounds amazing.
19:50Tradition two.
19:51The most egregious member of the family in the previous calendar year will be hunted.
19:56That sounds like fun.
19:57Rule three.
19:58You get to go into your neighbor's pool.
20:01You know how you can hear your neighbor over the fence on Christmas Day having a great time in their
20:05pool?
20:06Well, now you're allowed in there too.
20:07And they can't stop you.
20:09But what about Santa?
20:11Welcome Ombudsman Bernadette.
20:13Ombudsman Bernadette is non-corporeal.
20:15You know how Santa has a body?
20:17Yeah.
20:17Ombudsman Bernadette's more like a smell, but a good one.
20:22Oh, nice.
20:23But Ombudsman Bernadette is a bad omen.
20:25If you smell Ombudsman Bernadette, doom is coming.
20:28Prepare your family.
20:30Someone will be lost.
20:32That sounds scary.
20:39Yes!
20:41Oh, yeah.
20:42The family member hunt.
20:43That's problematic.
20:46Not to the death.
20:47Just for fun.
20:48Imagine everyone gathers around and you're all sitting down for Christmas lunch.
20:51And then the head of the family stands up and points at a cousin and is like,
20:55you have a one-hour head star.
20:57That's thrilling.
20:58As part of the much maligned swimming pool owners community,
21:01I don't want people swimming in my pool from next door.
21:04Do your neighbors have pools?
21:05They do, actually.
21:06Well, then you've just got two more pools, baby.
21:08Okay.
21:09That's good.
21:11It's time to celebrate the true spirit of Christmas, encouraging you to buy stuff.
21:16Especially stuff you don't need.
21:18We'll see you after these ads.
21:19APPLAUSE
21:31Welcome back.
21:32What were our comedians up to, Paul?
21:34Our comedians are improving Christmas by adding three new traditions and a new Santa.
21:40Up next, it's De Whane and Ho Ho Ani Ho Teni.
21:45Oh, mere krihimete, guys.
21:48So good to be back with my headless nudist colony, as per tradition.
21:55Welcome to my vision of Christmas.
21:57Christmas with healthy food options.
22:00Pork ass.
22:02Chicken ass.
22:04All of it sweet ass.
22:06Must be time now our new version of Santa Claus comes through.
22:10But what's their name again?
22:13It's me, Cherry.
22:15Cherry?
22:16That's so different from the last guy we had.
22:18Did you get a present for Christmas?
22:20I don't know whose gifts they are.
22:22Doesn't matter.
22:23What's stolen now is given back the next day.
22:26See the smiles on the little children behind the camera.
22:29Have you bought any presents?
22:31I sure did.
22:35Whoa.
22:36Oh, wow.
22:38Thanks, Cherry.
22:39I guess you guys didn't get any, but that's probably per tradition too.
22:42And here's Rose.
22:44Santa.
22:45What's Santa got for this playlist?
22:49Oh, yeah.
22:50Are you feeling that?
22:51Are you feeling that?
22:53Oh, yeah.
22:53We do have one tradition left.
22:55Pretty fun one too, actually.
22:57Ho, ho, ho, ho.
22:58Hey, how about some hopscotch?
23:00I've been laddie.
23:01I've been laddie.
23:02I've been laddie.
23:02I'm Santa.
23:03Daddy brings everything else.
23:04Oh, you're so good.
23:09We have a huge Christmas wave!
23:12Yeah, Merry Christmas!
23:16Well, same time tomorrow?
23:18Yeah.
23:22Okay, Dave, take us through the new Christmas menu.
23:26So is the whole thing ass-based?
23:29Yes, it is ass-based.
23:31I can't tell a lie.
23:33So do you think that Christmas would be improved by having it every single day?
23:36Yeah.
23:36Think about it.
23:37Dave, I can't do every day.
23:39You have to be there.
23:41I can't do every day.
23:41I've got stuff to do.
23:42Fun fact, that wasn't actually Rose.
23:45That was me wearing a wig.
23:46It was good.
23:47Yeah.
23:47It was good.
23:49Wow.
23:50Really uncanny, yeah.
23:51Wani, let's talk through your improvement of Christmas.
23:55Your new Santa character arrived on an animal and gave out presents.
23:59No.
23:59Only gave me presents.
24:01That was my new tradition.
24:03That only I get presents on Christmas.
24:05Then we have a rave.
24:07And I remember being like,
24:09Oh, I don't even like this idea.
24:14And then I saw it on TV and I was like,
24:16Oh, I actually made a masterpiece.
24:17So it felt like five points to me.
24:20Another Christmas present.
24:22Thank you very much.
24:24Well, who's up next?
24:25Here's Rose saying so long, Saint Nick.
24:28Hello, Uncle Brian.
24:30Twas the night before Christmas and a little girl waits.
24:34Wishing and hoping for a fine Yuletide fate.
24:38A high value laptop perched under the tree.
24:41I hope my dear uncle will visit to me.
24:43For the man likes to steal.
24:46He has slippery fingers.
24:48And as she slipped into slumber, only candlelight lingers.
24:52Up in the morning, she's gladdened to see.
24:54The laptop is missing from under the tree.
24:57Come in, Uncle Brian.
24:59She beckons with glee.
25:00And so begins a day of festivity.
25:03The old secret handshake and marshmallow toss
25:06our age-old traditions, they still have not lost.
25:10And after a drink of oat milk and honey,
25:14Uncle Brian asked sweetly,
25:15Can I borrow some money?
25:19Merry Christmas, everyone.
25:23I'm serious about that money though, doll.
25:25Uncle Brian.
25:26I need some money.
25:28I know. It's...
25:29I can... Yeah, I can get it.
25:31Don't take the treat. Stop it.
25:34Stop it.
25:37Do you think that Bad Uncle Brian improved Christmas?
25:41I mean, I think there is an improvement to being more honest about Christmas.
25:44Sometimes it, you know, involves a weird uncle
25:47who probably owns a couple of boys' football teams, you know?
25:50I mean...
25:51Paul did a better Uncle Brian, I've got to say, than he was Cherry or you.
25:55Yeah.
25:56Yeah, it was a great character.
25:57The asking for money is quite a common...
25:59and Paul does that all the time.
26:02I think I can handle one more improvement of Christmas.
26:06Last but not least, it's Christine the Christmas Woman.
26:09It's Christmas time.
26:11That means it's time to see Christine.
26:16Paul, how are you?
26:18I'm good, thank you. How are you?
26:19I'm really good, yeah. You just caught me right in a moment.
26:22Well, I'm just getting everything ready for Christine, Miss.
26:25Christmas?
26:26Christine, Miss.
26:27Oh, it's called Christine, Miss now.
26:29Thank you so much for taking the time to have a little chat with me to talk it through.
26:33Okay, so Christine, talk us through a typical Christmas morning.
26:40You wake up in the morning, and you look around you,
26:43and you're going to find a little meal made just by me,
26:47because I love to make meals.
26:49Also, another beautiful little tradition.
26:52You will always find little pipe cleaner beings
26:56spread around the house and everywhere,
26:59made by Christine Miss.
27:00Okay, so you've made me that?
27:02Yeah, but you know, like, probably my most famous tradition
27:05that everybody knows and everybody likes is frights.
27:09I love to give frights.
27:10Yeah!
27:14Yeah!
27:18Christine Miss!
27:20Oh, dear.
27:21How did you get in my house?
27:23It's how fun when I put on this mask,
27:26and then I can sort of sit down,
27:28and you can sit here,
27:29and you tell me what kind of thing you'd like.
27:32So I sit on your lap?
27:33Yeah.
27:34Isn't that kind of like what Santa does?
27:36No, because you're going to sit, uh,
27:40here.
27:43With the steamer.
27:46Put it in and really digest it.
27:49Really, it will come out again.
27:51As something else.
27:53Go to sleep now.
27:55Go to sleep now.
27:56Oh, yeah, I don't really want to go to sleep.
27:59Go to sleep now, Paul.
28:00No, that's even worse.
28:01Go to sleep now, Paul.
28:02I don't want to go to sleep.
28:03Hey, here he goes, to sleep.
28:06Ah!
28:07Ah!
28:09Ah!
28:15Whoa!
28:16There's a lot to unpack with the Christine character,
28:19Morgana.
28:20Yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:21What accent was that exactly?
28:23Um, she's a lot of accents.
28:25You can't pin it down.
28:26See, I don't know where it's going to go next.
28:28Is it going to be from America or nature?
28:32She's a global character.
28:34Oh, she's global.
28:35There's a bit of South African in there.
28:37Yeah, that's part of the globe.
28:39Yeah.
28:44And so do you think the whole changing the way that you sit on Christine's lap
28:51is a big enough change in Christmas?
28:53Well, you're on Santa's old chair.
28:55Tell me, would it feel different to have the child sit here?
29:00Or here?
29:02Or is it just the same to you?
29:05No, it's different.
29:06You're right.
29:06It's different, mate.
29:07It's a very...
29:07It's different.
29:08Breeze, how do you usually do it?
29:14Oh, God.
29:16I've made a huge mistake.
29:21So, Jeremy, how would you like to score this?
29:24Hawane's headless nudist colony.
29:26There's some improvement there.
29:28But I didn't love Cherry.
29:30She gave me the heebie-jeebies.
29:31I'm going to give Hawane one point.
29:33Dave's was too similar to Real Christmas.
29:36So two points for Dave.
29:37Excellent.
29:38Rose, I thought the Uncle Brian character was strong.
29:41Three points for you.
29:42Reece.
29:43Ombudsman Bernadette was a great character.
29:45Four points for you.
29:47And Christine was very impressive.
29:49I think she'd be great at any Christmas lunch.
29:51Yeah, thank you.
29:51Five points for Morgana.
29:58Alright, Paul.
29:59What have you got for me next?
30:01The World Health Organisation are not going to like this task.
30:14Yeah, that feels really good.
30:16Paul, it's so rainy.
30:19Yeah.
30:19It's kind of romantic.
30:23Wave back.
30:27Hello, Hawane.
30:28Hey, Paul.
30:28Great day for it.
30:30Yeah.
30:30Got a task for me?
30:32Mm-hmm.
30:32Where is it?
30:41Make a viral video.
30:43Your video will be posted anonymously.
30:45And you cannot share it or interact with it in any way.
30:50Most views wins.
30:52You have 25 minutes.
30:53Your time starts now.
30:55I mean, I'm old enough to know what a vine was, so.
30:59Right.
30:59Look at all those chickens.
31:01Are they chickens?
31:02No.
31:03What do you find funny?
31:05Kind of everything.
31:07Except...
31:08War.
31:09If you, at the start of the video, tell people to stop and watch this video, that works really well.
31:15It's gonna say, idiot thief gets instant karma stealing from disabled children.
31:23Okay.
31:24People love sheep things.
31:25Like animal videos.
31:27Yeah.
31:27I know what.
31:28Me eating a banana.
31:30Okay.
31:31So it's mukbang.
31:32What's mukbang?
31:33Should I look that up?
31:34The thing I'm envisioning currently is everyone lines up and kicks me in the balls once.
31:38I don't know if they'll do that.
31:40Really?
31:41Someone put a hand up.
31:43Who hates you?
31:44That's brutal.
31:49Morgana, I'm just gonna check my notes here, but I've written down Morgana exploiting disabled children for views.
31:56Or bringing awareness.
32:00We've gotta start the conversation.
32:03How can we exploit better?
32:07Right.
32:08We'll be back with our comedian's short form vertical videos after these short form horizontal videos.
32:13It's the ads.
32:15We'll see you soon.
32:28Welcome back to Taskmaster.
32:29Where our contestants are desperately trying to be relevant on the internet.
32:34Yes, Jeremy.
32:34Our comedians have to create a viral video.
32:37Whoever gets the most views will win the task.
32:40Whose viral video venture are we gonna see first?
32:4320 million people tuned in to watch her in The White Lotus.
32:47But can she recreate those numbers?
32:49It's Morgana O'Reilly.
33:04Oh.
33:07Oh.
33:09Wow.
33:10See?
33:10That's what happens when you steal from disabled children.
33:14And everyone knows disabled children, they always have a door that has the disabled
33:19sign.
33:20So you know exactly where they live, you know.
33:23Yeah.
33:24Cool.
33:25Anyway, who's up next?
33:27So, have we got any numbers on Morgana's video?
33:31We do.
33:32On TikTok, 9 likes and 273 views.
33:36Ooh.
33:36On Instagram, 2 likes and 187 views.
33:40Likes?
33:41Wow.
33:42On YouTube, shorts, 6 likes and 1,136 views.
33:48Morgana's total, 1,596 views.
33:55Who's going next, Paul?
33:57Rhys Mathewson.
33:59So, thanks to incredible community support and one very busy baker, this under-15s football
34:05team's next goal is Europe.
34:07Rhys Mathewson, 7 shots.
34:09Ah!
34:11Oh!
34:13Oh!
34:17Oh my lord.
34:19Oh!
34:20Oh!
34:22Oh!
34:23Oh!
34:23Oh!
34:25Oh, it's such trouble for him!
34:28Woo-hoo!
34:29I'm gonna get arrested!
34:33Yes, Jeremy?
34:35What, what seems to be the problem?
34:38Officer?
34:40did you get hit in the balls yeah they gave me a protective cup um it didn't do anything
34:46it absolutely flattened them for a couple of days okay uh reese's stats didn't do great on
34:53tiktok one like and two views on instagram 75 views one like on youtube shorts three likes
35:02285 views reese's total 362 views okay paul hit me with another viral video the last viral video
35:14she was in was moana 2 which made over 1 billion dollars at the box office it's rose mutter feo
35:21hi there my name is rose mutter feo and welcome to the play soft jazz to an animal challenge let's
35:29go
35:34if this video gets lots of views maybe even over a thousand perhaps even two thousand
35:41yeah let's say 1 000 views i will donate a thousand new zealand dollars to the spca
35:53so you got a couple of things going on there yeah you thought you were down with the kids by
35:57saying
35:57liz go and the dab i kind of base this off what i enjoy watching on the internet i don't
36:04have
36:04tiktok and stuff but i do watch a lot of videos of jazz musicians playing to cows and if you
36:10get a
36:11thousand views did you say you don't have a thousand dollars i said two thousand i said two thousand i
36:15think
36:15it's a thousand i'm pretty sure it was a thousand fine i'm a thousand fine yeah if i get over
36:19a thousand
36:19i'll do it it actually doesn't matter because she only got 818 views
36:22yes i mean um i mean oh no
36:29can you play another viral clip for me paul sure thing jeremy here's hawani
36:34hold up stop stop stop stop let me show you something this card this camera that tree
36:53what did i say what did i say
36:58that's awesome wow yeah i gotta think this is gonna go quite well so you've got to do something in
37:04the
37:04first three seconds that was your theory when people are doing this this is not working so if you say
37:10like your sign if i the power sign yeah yeah this is probably got man i would have given so
37:17much
37:18money to spca but you know what are hawani's numbers tiktok two views instagram 173 views youtube
37:291025 views yeah and here's our first video with multiple comments oh at aexlife wrote
37:39your phone is magnetic and inside the card is an even bigger magnet
37:47what do you say to those allegations i can't believe he nailed it yeah
37:53okay so the total was total was 1200 views okay
38:00one more person to go he's from moana two two it's dave farney
38:05oh i'm a little lost banana i hope i don't meet some angry man with a beard who wants to
38:12eat me
38:13too loud i'm the angry man
38:20delicious hey who ate my friend how dare you eat him not me oh yeah i'll eat you too
38:33well i hope you could eat me as well
38:45talk us through the concept of that one dave i actually don't know what they mean when viral
38:50videos and so we had to have a long discussion about know what they are then they explained to me
38:55oh well what about something called mukbang and all of it is eating and i said i can do that
39:02how did the views go so dave actually some of the bananas were actually edited out of that he ate
39:07six bananas in four minutes on tiktok one like two views on instagram one like 137 views and on
39:17youtube five likes and 876 views dave's total 1015 views respectable so that means one point for reese
39:28two points for rose three points for dave four points for hawani and five points for morgana
39:36okay it's time for a break but don't go anywhere when we come back we'll be revealing the winner of
39:42episode five and also which of the five contestants i don't really get along with we'll see you after
40:00this
40:01welcome back to the show to answer that question before it's reese how are the scores looking for
40:07out in first with a near perfect 19 points that's morgana o'reilly
40:14so now that we are nearly halfway through the season i'd love to see how the scores are looking
40:20overall absolutely jeremy out in first on 78 points morgana
40:27thank you paul please head up to the stage for the final task of the show
40:34okay paul who's reading the task tonight morgana o'reilly
40:41present the news
40:44best presenting wins each team will write the auto cue for the other team
40:50your news must include a weather event breaking news and a sports story you have 10 minutes to write
40:58the other team's bulletin before we go live your time starts on my whistle
41:05i'm just typing yeah no why would an emoji come up okay i hate this all right okay okay
41:12i feel like it's too much it's too much i feel bad though hands up rose i wasn't there
41:22okay reading the auto cue for the first time it's rose and dave
41:27good evening welcome to the news i'm dogwood thunder cheeks and i'm uncomfortable
41:34to our breaking news now i just found out what 9 11 is and oh my gosh it sounds intense
41:41there's no way the government didn't know about that right i've got some incredible links to some
41:46pretty truthful podcast and now to the weather rain rain rain but why it's too much water from the sky
41:57the brain from the rain is getting full of pain oh my goodness who is that on the beach it's
42:03the lady
42:03she's selling seashells by the seashore shall we shoe in the she shore selling into the news of course
42:10we will at aotearoa we're kind of light on the news this week and now for sport the owner of
42:18reese
42:19lightning little league football team has been cleared of all accusations
42:23and would be really stoked if people would stop bringing it up any last words dave dave inch
42:34oh irish wristwatch swiss wristwatch red lorry yellow lorry black bugs blood boom shakalaka lake
42:47good night initial thoughts jeremy uh impressive cold reading by both of you yeah apart from when dave
42:56read his own name i didn't do that team of three please take to the set reading this autocue for
43:05the
43:05first time it's reese morgana and hawani good evening and welcome to tonight's tm news i'm your host emmy
43:15award losing morgana o'reilly in breaking news our shantamish man's and if we a family from picam
43:25autocue operators announce a strike today at taskmaster news more on that in 20 minutes once i can get
43:34my massive news presenter head out of my own ass over to the weather hawani hotene is in atlantis reporting
43:44on the devastating destruction of a recent drought it's very dry here in atlantis the water is receding
43:52just like my hairline dave has written this so it's fine to say because he is bald
44:01in sports news reese matthewson is at the under 13s triathlon
44:09reese we haven't asked you to report on this but you do seem to have gone out of your way
44:16i just think if you can support a child at this age show them love they will show that love
44:22back
44:22oh my god i would also like to announce here live on television i have been fully vetted and i
44:28have a lovely adult wife thanks for that reese okay come on down and we'll score
44:44okay time to score the news reading then yes i thought everyone was very good not easy cold reading
44:50an autocue the team of three i'll give you four points and i reckon the team of two five points
44:57wow they were good that was good that means the winner of episode five with 23 points is morgana o'reilly
45:09congratulations to morgana please head up to the stage and collect your own personal
45:16emmy award she holds on to it
45:21kakita arnold we'll see you next time
45:24oh my god
45:46this is supposed to be like quite a funny show this show makes me feel like a conspiracy theorist prove
45:54it's brilliant wow it feels like a trap felt slightly anti-connected didn't it i don't go around
46:00shitting on your achievements