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00:00I lied about what I looked like, met him online, six months, in real life, CEO, cold, untouchable,
00:06barely looked at people when he talked to them, online, different guy, completely, called
00:10me baby, called me his, said I could ruin his life and he thanked me for it, he never
00:14saw my face, never saw my body, because if he had, he wouldn't have said any of it, he
00:18got obsessed, talked about meeting up, yeah, no, I dumped him, blocked him everywhere,
00:24done spring break, crashed at my best friend Marlo's place, walked in and ran straight
00:28into her older brother, tall, gorgeous, ice-cold face, and somehow, I knew that face.
00:37Down, girl, my brother hates girls who throw themselves at him, and ever since he got ghosted
00:42by some online fling, worst mood of his life, I swallowed hard. Marlo, your brother's name
00:49isn't Silas Kingsley, is it? No freaking way, how do you know that? Well, that was it, I was done,
00:56I dated this guy online, ghosted him, now I was in his house, his actual house, seriously,
01:01what are the odds before I could say anything? Actually, makes sense, we're basically the same
01:05person, I probably said his name at some point. I just stood there, frozen, Silas Kingsley,
01:10same house has as me, right now, my heart wouldn't shut up, I kept thinking about an hour ago,
01:14Marlo brought me home, Silas came down the stairs in a robe, loosely tied, collar open, looked like he
01:19just rolled out of bed, didn't care, owned the place anyway, I stared, something about him,
01:24I couldn't place it, but Silas just gave me a nod, his eyes went right past me, like I wasn't
01:28there,
01:28just his little sister's college friend, no way, this guy, my clingy filthy ex from social media,
01:34not a chance, online Silas was a whole different species, every night, without fail, the pet names,
01:39the possessiveness, the way he talked like I already belonged to him, half the stuff he said
01:43kept me up till 2am face burning, kicking my feet, and, me? I never showed him a real photo,
01:48sent him some pretty girl I found on social media, told him that was me, if he'd seen the real
01:53me,
01:53size 16, double chin, all of it, he wouldn't have said a single word,
02:00so, how many girlfriends has your brother had? Just one, online, he was really into her,
02:07then she dumped him out of nowhere, cold as hell, he's been the worst ever since,
02:10snapping at everyone, if he's rude to you, don't take it personal, he's like that with everyone
02:14right now, next morning, Mrs. Kingsley called us down for breakfast, Silas sat across from me,
02:19I couldn't stop glancing at him, then he looked up, our eyes met, he raised an eyebrow,
02:24kind of surprised, my heart jumped, I looked away, fast, but I could still feel him watching me,
02:32stay as long as you want, sweetheart, make yourself at home, thank you, Mrs. Kingsley,
02:37I smiled and told myself to chill, so, what if we're under the same roof, there's no way he figures
02:42out I'm the girl who ghosted him, no way, he's never seen my face, never seen my body,
02:46the girl he thinks he loved was a social media photo and a voice on the phone, not me,
02:51definitely not, this, the conversation shifted to Silas, I listened, picked up pieces,
02:57apparently his mom set him up with someone recently, but when she asked how it was going,
03:01Silas couldn't have cared less, mom, I told you, not interested, met her twice, can't even remember
03:09her face, you reject every girl I bring, I swear, I don't know when you'll snap out of it,
03:17you're 26, Silas, no girlfriend, sometimes I honestly wonder if you even like women,
03:22mom, his orientation is fine, promise, he's just romantically cursed, the girl he wants likes to
03:29play games, that's all, I wanted to disappear into my plate, didn't dare breathe, but of course,
03:34the universe wasn't done with me, Gene Whitfield, I flinched, almost dropped my fork, just my name,
03:40nothing special, but hearing it from his mouth, chills, down my spine, instantly, why, before I
03:46could think, his eyes were already on me, reading me, something I couldn't figure out behind them,
03:51you look guilty, did you do something you shouldn't have, my brain shorted out, I had nothing,
03:56thank god Mrs. Kingsley stepped in, leave her alone, Gene's our guest, be nice,
04:02wow bro, I said Gene's name once and you memorized it, everyone laughed, I kept my head down,
04:08didn't say a word, didn't notice Silas narrowing his eyes at me from across the table, Marlo had a
04:12fever the past couple days, after breakfast, she took some meds and went back to bed, I did some
04:17homework, went downstairs for water, saw Mrs. Kingsley grabbing her keys, where are you going?
04:24That son of mine, rushed out this morning and forgot his documents, now I have to drive all the way
04:29to
04:29his office, he's never this careless, I don't know what's gotten into him, I can take them, you should
04:35rest, oh no sweetie, I couldn't ask you to do that, really, it's fine, I've got nothing else going on,
04:42Mrs. Kingsley had been so kind, letting me stay, this was the least I could do, she couldn't argue
04:46with me, eventually she texted me the address, in the taxi I pulled out my phone, searched his name,
04:52same story everywhere, ruthless, sharp, decisive, couldn't picture a guy like that on social media,
04:57back then, I was a freshman, parents just got divorced, life sucked, every night on social
05:02media, anything to not be alone, that's where I met him, felt like a relationship, kind of,
05:06even if we'd never met, made me feel something, good enough, but I was careful, lied about my age,
05:11told him I was a senior, never gave him my real name, never sent a real photo, never took his
05:16video
05:16calls, just my voice, 30 minutes a night, that was it, Silas, he gave me everything, Venmo'd me money
05:21constantly, random amounts, get yourself something nice, you haven't eaten, order food, the numbers were
05:26insane, I sent it all back, just wanted someone to talk to at night, wasn't gonna marry the guy,
05:31his money, not my problem, then he got clingy, one day, he said he wanted to meet, I had two
05:36weeks
05:36till finals, meet in person, yeah, no, I thought about it forever, then I typed it out, no point
05:43meeting up, I'm kind of over this, let's end it, hit send, blocked him on social media, unfriended him
05:48everywhere, deleted every message, Figured Silas would have moved on by now, but from the way Marlo
05:53talked about him, he hadn't, not even close, first time at Silas's office receptionist walked me up
05:58to the top floor, apparently he owned the whole building, must be nice being rich, elevator dinged,
06:04doors opened, the second my eyes landed on him, I froze sun behind him, sharp jaw, something dangerous
06:10about him, so this was him at work, something squeezed in my chest, he'd just come out of a
06:15meeting, board members walking behind him, every single one older than him by a decade, none of them
06:21could touch him, looked like he was born to run the room, all way went dead quiet, someone stared
06:25at me, way too curious, Mr. Kingsley, and this is, their eyes wouldn't leave me, his eyes landed on
06:31me, he paused, then he stepped in front of, just slightly, like it was nothing, a friend, like he
06:37was hiding me, not his sister's classmate, not the girl staying at his house, a friend, Mr. Kingsley,
06:43this young lady says she's here to drop off your documents, got it, take her to my office,
06:48he hit the elevator button, seemed like he had somewhere else to be, I thought about
06:52it for a second, handed the documents to the receptionist, these are delivered, I'll get
06:57going, don't want to be in the way, the second I turned around, something stopped me, Silas's
07:02hand, on my arm, did I say you could leave, I stopped, he was so close I could smell him,
07:08something clean, cold, like pine in winter, forgot how to move, where his fingers touched
07:12my arm, buzzing, like a live wire, he breathed out, wait for me, I have something to tell
07:17you, I had no idea what Silas wanted to say, as far as he knew, our only connection was his
07:22sister, whatever this was, it was freaking me out, by the time his assistant swapped my
07:29coffee, for the third time, I was losing it, then the door opened, Silas walked in, saw
07:33me on the couch, his face softened, just a little, I stood up fast, nervous, something
07:38flickered in his eyes, gone before I could catch it, Mr. Kings, sit down, you're not
07:44my employee, don't call me that, so, why did you want me to stay, do you have your
07:50phone, let's follow each other, I'll mobile page you for the ride, no, really, it's fine,
07:59it was nothing, plus, I've been staying at your house for free, that's different, I don't
08:08like owing people, I was about to say no again, then a thought hit me, why was he pushing this
08:12so hard, as his sister's friend, he didn't need my socials, unless he suspected something,
08:17panic almost showed on my face, this man was unreal, there were zero clues, how was he already
08:21suspicious, when I pulled up my profile I caught something, his hand was shaking, just
08:25a little, like he was waiting for something, he stared at my screen for a long time, then
08:30something in him deflated, like the air got knocked out of him, reason I could add him
08:33so calmly was simple, I stopped using my old account after freshman year, my current
08:37profile looked nothing like the old one, I breathed out, quiet, Silas had no way to
08:42connect the two, but I noticed something, his profile picture, still the one I picked
08:46for him, back then, after all this time, he never changed it, didn't know what to feel,
08:50car pulled up to the house, Silas hadn't been home in two days, he had other places, normal
08:55for him, not having to face him at home, relief, Milo recovered, full of energy, impossible
09:00to keep indoors, Jean, it's Tyler's birthday tonight, whole crew's going, Tyler, guy from
09:05high school, same college now, Feigert going out might clear my head, said yes, Marlo was
09:10already texting on the way out, ugh, my brother wants to know what I'm doing tonight, nosy,
09:14she typed back, didn't think twice, should have thought twice, by the time we got downtown,
09:19it was dark, Tyler's group was outside the restaurant, talking, laughing, when Tyler saw
09:23me, he waved, Jean, I told you guys not to bring gifts, I smiled, handed him the watch
09:28I picked out, he took it, grinned, always keeping things even, huh, halfway through dinner,
09:32the table got loud, someone brought up dating apps, everyone had a story, Jessica was across
09:37the table, on her second glass of wine, then she turned to me, smiling, Jean, you've been
09:42so quiet, are you seeing anyone, the table quieted a little, I set my glass down, not
09:47really, oh honey, still, she glanced around the table, making sure everyone was listening,
09:53you know, I keep telling my little sister, guys don't care about personality, they see
09:57you first, and if the packaging isn't right, they don't even open the box, the table went
10:02dead quiet, Jessica put a hand on my arm, squeezed, fake concern, I'm just saying, don't
10:07wait around, honey, nobody's coming to save you, silenced then, the restaurant door
10:19sorry I'm late, baby, baby, he'd never called me that in real life,
10:23only online, the whole table froze, something in me unclenched, Jessica's hand was still
10:27on my arm, Silas looked down at it, just once, she yanked it back like she'd been burned,
10:32Marlo was silently losing it in her seat, he leaned in, voice low, loud enough for the
10:36table to catch, you should have told me you had plans, I would have come sooner, he straightened,
10:41looked at Tyler, happy birthday, his hand slid to the small of my back, Marlo finally cracked,
10:46cool, cool, cool, cool, don't mind me, just your sister, Silas didn't turn around,
10:53stay, have fun, ugh, fine, free cake, I'll live, he was already walking me toward the
11:00door, right past Jessica, I didn't look at her, didn't need to, his hand on my back
11:04said everything, the SUV pulled away from the restaurant, I sat in the passenger seat,
11:09hands in my lap, not moving, Silas didn't say anything at first, just drove seedy lights
11:13on his face, off, buckle up, baby, my hands wouldn't cooperate, he watched me fumble for
11:19a second, then leaned over, reached across me, buckled at himself, slowly, I stopped
11:23breathing, he didn't sit back right away, fucks close to mine, voice quiet, you've been
11:27jumpy all night, have I, hmm, he sat back, eyes on the road again, silence, I stared out
11:33the window, tried to look normal, tried not to think about it, the way he'd called me baby
11:38in front of everyone, the way he only ever called me that online, then he spoke, casually,
11:43you know what's weird, what, I keep thinking about a girl I used to talk to, she could
11:48never sleep before 2am every night, sounds annoying, sounds familiar, not really, I sleep
11:54early, right, must be someone else I'm thinking of, he didn't look at me, but I felt him watching,
12:00the way you feel someone watching, in the dark, the rest of the drive was quiet, when we pulled
12:05into the driveway, he cut the engine, didn't get out, just sat there, hands on the wheel,
12:10then he turned to me, get some sleep, Gene, try to, if you can, he got out, walked around
12:17to open my door, I sat there, frozen, because try to wasn't a suggestion, it was a challenge,
12:24the saleswoman was watching me, not helping, just watching, then she drifted over, sweet
12:29voice, sweetheart, I don't want you to waste your time, these really aren't designed with
12:35everybody in mind, there's a lovely store 2 blocks down, torpid, very cute, really flattering
12:41for girls like you, girls like me, you know what I mean, right, thanks, turn to leave,
12:47I made it 3 steps, then the door chimed, Silas, he walked in scanning the room, saw me heading
12:53for the door, saw the saleswoman, still smiling, saw Marlo 2 racks away, jaw clenched, ride the
12:59room in 1 second, he walked straight to me, hand on my arm, where are you going, I was just,
13:04did you find something you liked, no, I, why not, oh, Mr. Kingsley, we were just discussing
13:11that our collection isn't quite the right fit for your, for my what, not a question, she
13:15faltered, for your companion, the sizing is a bit, get me the manager, excuse me, the
13:21manager, now, her smile disappeared, she walked to the back, fast Silas turned to me, different
13:27voice soft, pick something, Silas, I don't, anything you want, or everything, I don't care,
13:35Mr. Kingsley, is there a problem, yeah, your staff just told my girlfriend to shop somewhere
13:40else, Marlo made a noise, something between a gasp and a laugh, I opened my mouth to correct
13:45him, then closed it, because looking at his face, he wasn't asking permission, the manager
13:49went white, sir, I'm so sorry, I don't care, he pulled out his card, slid it across the
13:54counter, I'll take the store, sir, I didn't sleep, 2am, 3am, 4am, Silas knew, of course he
14:01knew, by morning, Marlo was banging on my door, get up, event tonight, we need dresses,
14:06downstairs, Silas was already dressed, in hand, I'm driving, Marlo blinked, you, shopping,
14:13I have somewhere to be after, sure he did, Silas dropped us at some boutique downtown,
14:17meeting, back in an hour, Marlo pulled me inside, the saleswoman was already walking
14:22over, blonde, perfect blowout, perfect smile, her eyes went to Marlo first, warm, Miss Kingsley,
14:29always lovely to see you, then her eyes found me, the smile didn't change, but something
14:34behind it did, and your friend, yeah, she's shopping too, of course, the saleswoman's
14:41eyes did that thing, the up and down, the math, well, let me know if you need help,
14:46sweetie, she turned back to Marlo, the new collection is over here, very selective sizing
14:50though, just so you know, it's fine, I'll just look around, I wandered to the back, every
14:57rack, same story, size zero, size two, size four, nothing past a six, I always know before
15:02I walk in, but, I kept walking, kept pretending to browse, because leaving looked worse than
15:07staying, got home, went straight to my room, didn't come down for dinner, Marlo knocked,
15:12Jean, you good, tired, your fake boyfriend just bought a store for you, not now, she
15:18left, I sat on the bed, lights off, buzzed, Silas, are you eating, answer me, Jean, I turned
15:26it face down, downstairs, front door, he was home, I locked my door, waited, an hour, two
15:31nothing then, knock not loud, steady, open the door, I didn't move, I know you're awake,
15:36open it, or I will, I got up, opened it, Silas, suit, tie loose, collar open, he walked past
15:44me, into the room, Silas, what are you, he shut the door, locked it, sit, what, sit down,
15:53Jean, I don't want to meet up, I'm kind of over this, let's end it, hi Ellie, that's it,
16:07Silas, look at me, you fell for a voice and a photo, that's not me, that was never me,
16:15I know what I fell for, Silas, I fell for the girl who cried at 2am because her parents
16:19were splitting, I fell for the girl who wouldn't take my money, I fell for the girl who called
16:23me at midnight just to hear me breathe, that girl, not a photo, but you never saw me, I'm
16:27seeing you now, Jean, look at me, I looked for you for six months, not for the girl in that
16:34photo, for the girl on the phone, that's you, Silas, that's always been you, so now you
16:45know, what are you going to do, don't run this time, I didn't sleep, he didn't leave, just
16:52sat on the floor by my bed, back against the wall, suit jacket off, not looking at me, not
16:56talking, just there, Silas, why are you on the floor, because if I get in that bed, I
17:02won't leave, you should sleep, I'm good, Silas, sleep, Jean, I did, eventually, woke up at
17:10eight, he was gone, but there was coffee on the nightstand, still warm, and a note, downstairs
17:15when you're ready, I got dressed, slowly, baggy hoodie, leggings, hair up, went down, Silas
17:20was at the kitchen island, laptop open, coffee in hand, he looked up, smiled, morning, morning,
17:28Marlo walked in behind me, saw us, oh my god, you're smiling, Marlo, you never smile, Marlo,
17:35at breakfast, before ten, what have you done to my brother, get out, rude, out, cool, cool,
17:43cool, cool, cool, just gonna go be the invisible sister again, I couldn't move, he stood there,
17:49waiting, Silas, don't, he put the phone away, six months, I looked for you six months, I know,
17:58you know, he laughed, not funny, you know, he walked closer, private investigators, three of them,
18:05nothing, Silas, because every single thing you told me was a lie, the name, the age, the photo,
18:15the photo, Silas, I can explain, I, try me, I opened my mouth, nothing came out, because what
18:21was I going to say, that I was scared, that I lied, because I didn't think a guy like him
18:26would want a girl like me, that the photo was some Pinterest girl, and the real me was this,
18:30he was still waiting, I didn't think you'd want the real me, come here, I walked over,
18:35he pulled out the stool next to him, I sat, he didn't say anything for a second,
18:39then his hand slid to my thigh, rested there, Silas, just for a minute, you okay, I don't
18:47know, take your time, Silas, you really don't care, about what, about, I care about every
18:58part of you, Jean, I meant, I know what you meant, I don't care that you're not the girl
19:02in the photo, I care that you spent two years thinking you had to be, we're doing this right
19:07this time, doing what, all of it, he glanced down, his whole face, changed, Silas, Silas,
19:15what, Vivian's back in town, who, my mother's pick, the girl she wants me to marry, get her
19:23whatever fits, whatever she wants, alterations, custom, new patterns, bill me, Mr. Kingsley,
19:29that's, every piece in this store, remade in her size, starting today, holy shit, and
19:36her, Silas finally looked at the saleswoman, just once, fire her, before I leave, grab your
19:43things, now, outside on the sidewalk, Marlo was staring at her brother like she'd never
19:47seen him before, did you just buy out the entire store for Jean, yes, and made them remake
19:55everything in her size, yes, and called her your girlfriend, yes, Jean, what is happening,
20:03I didn't answer, couldn't, Silas was opening the car door, he looked at me over the roof,
20:08get in baby, baby, not for the table this time, not for anyone, just for me, Silas left, didn't
20:14say when he'd be back, didn't kiss me goodbye, just gone, I sat at the kitchen island, coffee
20:19going cold, Marlo walked back in, he gone, yeah, where, Vivian, oh no,
20:26who is she, Marlo, Marlo pulled up a stool, sat down slowly, okay, so, Marlet, Vivian
20:34Ashfield, mom's friend's daughter, grew up in the same circles, and, and she's been in
20:40love with Silas, since we were 14, mom's been trying to set them up for two years, Silas
20:45keeps saying no, so what's the problem, she just came back from Paris, fashion school,
20:49and she's perfect, perfect, like, model perfect, size two, speaks four languages, dad's worth
20:55500 million, cool, cool, Jean, no, it's fine, Jean, it's fine, Marlon, he said no for two
21:00years, he'll say no again, yeah, Jean, look at me, my brother bought a store for you yesterday,
21:07I know, he called you his girlfriend in front of a stranger, I know, he slept on your floor,
21:11Marlo, he is gone for you, Jean, I nodded, didn't smile, she sighed, squeezed my hand,
21:17but, but she's Vivian, and I'm, I didn't finish, Marlo was quiet, then she stood up, you know
21:23what, get up, what, get up, we're going out, Marley, I don't, Jean, get up, we drove to the
21:29boutique, the one Silas bought yesterday, the manager saw me walk in, actually gasped,
21:35Miss Whitfield, we've been expecting you, the team's been working since 6am, we have
21:40first samples ready, first samples of what, your collection, Mr. Kingsley called last night,
21:45very specific instructions, oh, this is going to be good, the manager led us to a private
21:50room, racks and racks of clothes, all new, all different, all in my size, I stopped in
21:56the doorway, he said, and I quote, she's never had a store built for her, fix that, nope, not
22:02running, try something on, Marlo, Jean, try something on, black sequin mesh, fitted off
22:07the shoulder, I put it on, looked in the mirror, Marlo was behind me, watching my face, Jean,
22:14that's what you look like when clothes are made for you, the bell over the door chimed,
22:20two women walked in, the manager's face went pale, Marlo went still, I turned around, a
22:25tall blonde long coat designer bags, and an older woman, Silas's mother, the blonde's
22:30eyes swept over me, slow, amused, then she smiled, oh, you must be Jean, I didn't answer,
22:38Vivian, I told you not to, I saw the car outside, thought I'd say hi, Vivian held out
22:44a hand, I'm Vivian, Silas and I grew up together, I didn't take it, she smiled wider, that's
22:51fine, I get it, Vivian, sweetheart, Elaine, two minutes, woman to woman, I'm not going
23:00to be rude, I just want to be honest, okay, Silas is a Kingsley, he'll run this family,
23:07marry into it, have kids who inherits it, she looked me up and down, slow, you are not built
23:13for this life, Vivian, that is enough, Elaine, I love you, but you know I'm right, that is
23:20enough, I'm not saying you're not sweet, you are, I'm saying he's going to wake up one
23:26day and see it too, see what, that you're a chapter, not the book, the manager gasped,
23:34Marlo was shaking, I stood there, held Vivian's eyes, didn't blink, thanks for the honesty,
23:39then I turned to Mrs. Kingsley, thank you for breakfast yesterday, I think I'll head
23:45back to the dorms tonight, Mrs. Kingsley's mouth opened, nothing came out, I walked to
23:50the fitting room, Marlo followed, Jean, I know, I took off that black evening gown, put
24:00my hoodie back on, let's go home, the next morning, Silas set a garment bag on my bed,
24:09what's this, charity gala, tonight, Silas, you're my girlfriend, you're coming, I don't
24:17do galas, you don't have to do anything, just be there, he kissed my forehead, left, I opened
24:22the bag, deep green silk, custom, my size, of course, Vivian's voice in my head, you are
24:27not built for this life, I got ready anyway, the car came at seven, Silas met me at the
24:36bottom of the stairs, Jean, what, you look, he didn't finish, just took my hand, the gala
24:44was in a hotel ballroom, chandeliers, champagne, money, Silas kept his hand on my back, introduced
24:49me to everyone, this is Jean, my girlfriend, some people smiled, some just looked, then
24:55someone tapped Silas on the shoulder, just business, baby, two minutes, he kissed my temple,
25:00went, I stood alone in the crowd, waiter offered me champagne, I took it, just to have something
25:05to hold, I looked around, every woman in the room was thin, every woman, not one exception,
25:10then I found Silas, across the room, talking to Vivian, of course she was here, same crowd,
25:18Vivian was laughing, Silas wasn't, but she was standing close, she wears a white gown,
25:22they looked like a magazine cover, Vivian saw me across the crowd, smiled, waved, small,
25:27just for me, then she leaned into Silas, whispered something, Silas stopped smiling for a second,
25:32then laughed, loud, wrong laugh, I put my champagne down, walked to the exit, fast,
25:37didn't say goodbye, didn't text him, just got in a cab, told the driver Silas's address,
25:41then changed my mind, sorry, different address, I gave him my dorm, I got there at 10, turned
25:46off my phone, sat on my bed, stared at the wall, around midnight someone banged on my door,
25:51I didn't move, Jean, I know you're in there, open the door, Jean, your phone is off, your taxi
26:00history has this address, open the door, I got up, walked to the door, didn't open it, Silas, go
26:05home, Jean, open the door, I said go home, his voice was different, not angry, scared, what did I do,
26:12nothing, Jean, Silas, go home, tell me what I did, nothing, then open the door, not tonight,
26:21Jean, please, I stood there for a long time, then I heard footsteps, walking away, I slid
26:27down against the door, sat on the floor, and cried, I woke up on the floor, neck stiff,
26:34fox swollen, pawn still off, I turned it on, 47 missed calls, 23 texts, all Silas, Jean,
26:45Jean, please, are you home, you're not at your old apartment, where are you, Jean, please
26:51answer, please, I put the phone face down, sat by the window, watched the street waited
26:58for something to feel different, it didn't, around noon, a food delivery notification, delivery
27:04at the front desk, I went down, the RA handed me a bag, chicken soup, note attached, you
27:10always got sick when you didn't sleep, eat, please, Silas, the same soup from when I was
27:15just a voice, I brought it upstairs, sat on the floor, ate it slowly, cried the whole
27:20time, a car pulled up outside, I didn't look, come to the window, Jean, I know you're up
27:25there, come to the window, I got up, walked over, he was standing on the street, just standing
27:30there, looking up, our eyes met, he didn't smile, he didn't wave, he just held up his
27:35phone, a message came through, I know what she said to me, I know why you left, I'm going
27:45to tell you what I heard, and why I laughed, but not through a door, come down, or let me
27:51up, please, Jean, I stood at the window, he was still there, no coat waiting, I grabbed
27:57my jacket, went downstairs, he saw me through the glass, didn't move, didn't come to meet
28:01me, just waited, I walked out, stopped three feet away, talk, she said something cruel
28:07about you, how cruel, you don't want the words, I laughed at her, not with her, because she
28:14thought it would work, you've never laughed like that with me, because I can't be casual
28:18with you, you are the only real thing in that room, you want to know what I said back to
28:23her, what, I said, none of it matters, I'm going to marry her, Silas, I mean it, you
28:31barely know me, I know you better than she ever will, tomorrow, pack your dorm, move in
28:37with me, Silas, if you say no, I'll sleep in your hallway every night until you say
28:42yes, morning after, I don't remember the drive back to the Kingsley house, I remember Silas
28:47sitting on the floor by my bed until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, when I woke up, he
28:52was gone, note on the nightstand, meetings till six, text me if you go out, I stared at
28:57it, he'd never left me a note before, I got up, went downstairs, Marlo was at the counter
29:01eating cereal, morning sunshine, you look like hell, thanks, mom said he left at five, something's
29:13up with him, I didn't answer, my phone buzzed, coffee, 11am, the blue door on fifth, who's
29:19that, I locked the screen, nobody, I shouldn't have gone, I went, the blue door was one of
29:24those places with $12 lats and no signage, she was already at a corner table, Vivienne,
29:29cream coat, no makeup, look tired, back to the wall, chair angled toward the door, I
29:34noticed, didn't think about why, she saw me and something in her face relaxed, you came,
29:38I wasn't sure you would, how did you get my number, I've been in this family's contact
29:44since I was 14, it wasn't hard, I sat, she slid an envelope across the table, open it,
29:51no, Jane, please, I didn't, she opened it herself, pulled out a photo, slid it toward
29:58me, a girl, late teens, long dark hair, standing on a beach, smiling at the camera, the girl
30:04from Pinterest, the girl I told Silas was me, two years ago, the girl I had never met, the
30:09girl whose face I had stolen, I stopped breathing, her name is Ashley, Vivienne's voice was soft,
30:16she's family to me, I couldn't move, she posted that photo on social media three years ago,
30:21her account was public back then, someone screenshotted it, upload it to social media,
30:28wherever girls like you find photos of girls like Ashley, the bell above the door jingled,
30:33Vivienne's head turned fast, too fast, she watched the customer walk in, watched them sit down,
30:38watched them open a laptop, then turn back to me, like nothing happened, you okay, fine, she
30:45wasn't, she pulled a second photo from the envelope, this is a post Ashley made last spring,
30:50a screenshot, Ashley in a car, hoodie up, looking out the window, cat bit underneath,
30:54Annie and Els feel like they're being watched even when they're not, she deleted it three hours
30:59later, after the men started showing up, for weeks, some of them were nice, some of them
31:05weren't, they kept asking her if she was Ellie, Ellie, the name I'd made up, the name I'd given
31:11him, she told them she wasn't, over and over, they didn't believe her, one of them followed
31:16her home, just once, that was enough, she started sleeping with the lights on, checked the locks
31:25three times before bed, changed her route to class, she said it like she was reciting,
31:30like she knew the list by heart, I know what that fear looks like, so I made it stop, how,
31:36my father made a call, to Silas's father, the investigators were told to drop that lead,
31:42Silas never knew why, he doesn't know it was Ashley, he doesn't know what she went through,
31:46because I never told him, I put my hands on the table, because they were shaking too hard to hold,
31:51is she okay now, she's fine, Vivian's actually smiled for a second, she's a senior at a university,
31:57studying art history, started dating someone last spring, she's fine, Jane, but she wasn't,
32:02for a while she wasn't, and it could have been so much worse, do you understand what I'm telling
32:07you, I do, then you understand why I'm sitting here, yes, I'm not trying to ruin you, I came here
32:14because Silas deserves to know what his money almost did, and I came here because I need you to
32:18understand what almost happened to a girl who did nothing wrong, she slid the photos back into
32:23the envelope, didn't take it with her, left it on the table, I'll give you until tomorrow morning,
32:29tell Silas, he can decide how to reach her, after that, I do it, for what it's worth, I don't
32:38hate
32:39you, I don't know you well enough to hate you, I just can't watch this happen to another girl,
32:43not while I'm alive to stop it, that last line, the way she said it, like it wasn't about
32:48Ashley at all, I looked at her, she looked away, Silas will forgive you, Jane, he forgives you for
32:54everything, but he won't forgive himself, not for this, you need to be ready for that, she left,
32:59I sat at the table for a long time, the envelope in front of me, the bell above the door
33:04jingled
33:05every few minutes, every time I flinched, I hadn't been the one being followed, but I couldn't stop
33:10flinching, I got home and sat on the floor by the door, envelope on my knees, lights off,
33:17I didn't want to see myself in any of the mirrors on the way in, he'd be back at 9,
33:21I sat there until
33:22he was there, the lock turned and the door pushed against my back and stopped, Jean, here, move a
33:28second, no, two seconds of silence on the other side of the door, back door then, I heard him walk
33:33around, he came around the corner and saw me on the floor and didn't ask why, just sat down across
33:38from me, still in his suit and waited, I handed him the envelope, he opened it and pulled out the
33:43photo, Ashley on the beach, smiling at whoever was holding the camera, Al, he looked at it for
33:49a long time, longer than I thought he would, then he set it face down on the floor between us
33:53and
33:53said, okay, keep going, I stared at him, keep going Jean, I swallowed, her name's Ashley, I don't know
34:03her, I took the photo off a photo sharing website two years ago, you asked for a picture of me
34:07and
34:07I didn't have one I could send, so I sent hers, I thought, finish it, I thought a girl who
34:12looked like
34:12her was the kind of girl who got to talk to you, he looked down at the photo, face down
34:15on the floor,
34:16didn't turn it over, for a long time he didn't say anything, then he stood up, I froze, he walked
34:21past me into the kitchen, I heard the tap, a glass water, he came back and handed me the glass
34:27and
34:27sat down again closer this time, our knees touched, drink, I drank, he waited until I was done, took the
34:33glass, set it aside, I heard your voice before I ever saw that photo, Jean, I know, then you know
34:38I
34:38never needed it, I started to cry, but it came out wrong, angry, don't, don't what, don't be nice
34:44about it, I lied to you for two years, I know what you did, then be angry, I am angry,
34:48I stopped
34:48breathing, not at you, he picked up the photo carefully, not at her either, then who, the girl two years
34:57ago
34:57who thought she had to send this, slid it into the inside pocket of his suit jacket, Cillis, I'll deal
35:03with it, there's a second photo in there, I don't want to see it tonight, you should, Jean, tomorrow you
35:12tell me the rest, tomorrow we figure out what she needs, tonight I'm not looking at another picture
35:17of her, why, not tonight, I put my forehead on my knees, he didn't move, when I lifted my head,
35:23my face
35:24felt swollen and my nose was running and I didn't care, I'm sorry, I know, that's it, that's it, you're
35:31supposed to, Jean, what, stop telling me what I'm supposed to do, I laughed, then he stood and held
35:38out his hand, come on, where, bed, to sleep, I took his hand and he pulled me up, he walked
35:45me down the
35:46hall without letting go, and at the bedroom door he stopped and took off his jacket, couch or bed, couch,
35:52he nodded, Cillis, he stopped, I didn't have anything to say, I just didn't want him to leave
35:58yet, the photo, what about it, why'd you keep it, he looked at me another second, so you don't have
36:04to,
36:05the next morning, eight, I found him in the kitchen, suit pants, white shirt, sleeves rolled, coffee in
36:10one hand, phone in the other, he looked like he hadn't slept, hi, hi, he put the phone down, I
36:16have
36:17her address, how, Vivian, you called her, she called me, 5 a.m., what did she say, she said Ashley's
36:25expecting us at 10, I sat down at the counter, you told her we were coming, I told her I
36:30was coming,
36:31she asked if you were, I said that was your call, and she told Ashley, she told Ashley someone from
36:36two years ago wanted to apologize, she didn't say who, I looked down at the counter, so Ashley doesn't
36:41know it's me, no, she'll know when I walk in, yes, I nodded, he put his hand over mine, steady,
36:48didn't
36:48say anything, after a minute I said, I need to change, okay, what do I wear, he thought about it,
36:56what
36:56you'd wear to class, Cillis, I mean it, don't dress up for her, she'll hate that, we took his car,
37:03he
37:04drove, I held the second photo in my lap, halfway there I said, I should have shown you this last
37:09night,
37:10I know, you knew there was more, I could tell, why didn't you make me tell you, because you were
37:15already telling me the hard part, the rest could wait a night, I looked at him, Cillis, yeah, there's
37:22a lot on this second photo, tell me now then, so I told him, in the car, on the highway,
37:28the men who
37:28showed up looking for me and found her instead, the one who followed her home, Vivian found out,
37:34she went to the investigators herself, used her family's name, made them stop, by herself, by
37:39herself, he didn't interrupt after that, when I stopped, we drove in silence for a mile, then
37:44quiet, I paid those men, you didn't know, I paid them, Jean, yes, Ashley lived in a walk-up in
37:51the
37:51East Village, third floor, Vivian was waiting outside in a black coat, no makeup, hands in
37:55pockets, she saw the car, walked over, Cillis rolled the window down, she's upstairs, she knows now, I told
38:01her on the phone 20 minutes ago, I didn't want her surprised, thank you, don't thank me, I didn't do
38:07it
38:07for you, I know, Jean, yeah, she's kind, don't mistake that for easy, then she stepped back and
38:14walked down the block, Ashley opened the door before we knocked, smaller than in the photo,
38:19jeans, a sweatshirt, wet hair, she looked at Cillis first, then at me, at me longer, oh, you're her,
38:26Cillis didn't speak, hand on the doorframe, didn't move, Ashley's eyes went from me to him, something in
38:31her face shifted, come in, both of you, come in, small apartment, books everywhere, a cat on the
38:36chair she needed, she moved the cat, we sat down, Cillis still hadn't spoken, Ashley waited, Ashley?
38:43Yeah? I'm sorry, for all of it, I didn't know, that doesn't fix it, okay, you go,
38:56I used your photo, three years ago, off social media, I sent it to him and told him it was
39:02me,
39:03I kept sending it for two years, I'm so sorry, I waited, she still didn't say anything, the silence
39:08went long enough that I started to think she wasn't going to, that she'd let us in just to say
39:12no,
39:13and I understood, sitting there, that she had every right to, did you know what happened to me?
39:18Not until yesterday. Vivian told you? Yes. And you came anyway? Yes. Can I ask you something?
39:25Anything. Why my picture? I opened my mouth, closed it, she waited. Because you looked like the kind
39:30of girl who got to be liked. That's really sad, Jean. I started crying, she got up, walked over,
39:36sat down next to me on the couch, didn't touch me, just sat. For what it's worth, I don't post
39:41pictures anywhere anymore, three years and I still don't, so you don't get to hate yourself more than I
39:46already hate the internet. Deal? Deal. Silas hadn't moved, he was watching her. Ashley. Yeah.
39:53What do you need? She thought about it. Honestly, nothing. I'm okay now, it took a while, but I'm
40:00okay. That's not an answer I can accept. I figured. Anything. School, work, your family, a lawyer,
40:07security, say the word. I have school covered. Then something else, pick something. She looked
40:15trying to move out of Queens for six years. Help her. Silas took out his phone. What's her name?
40:20Seriously? What's her name, Ashley? She told him. Ashley. He typed it in, set the phone down. It's done
40:26by the end of the week. Ashley looked at him for a second, then at me. Is he always like
40:29this?
40:30I'm still figuring that out. Ashley laughed. Small. We stayed an hour. She showed me the cat. She told me
40:37about her boyfriend, a guy in her program who made her laugh last winter when nothing else did.
40:41She asked me what I studied. I asked her what she studied. It was almost normal, in a way that
40:47had
40:47felt impossible when we walked in. At the door, she stopped me. Gene. Yeah? The girl in that photo,
40:52she doesn't really exist. Not the way you built her. Okay? Okay. She looked at Silas. Take care of
40:57her. I will. I mean it. She cried harder than I did today. Take care of her. I will, Ashley.
41:04In the car,
41:05I didn't speak for a long time. Then I said, she was kind. Kinder than I deserve. Gene. Kinder than
41:11I
41:11expected. Better. The window and let out a breath. I hadn't known I was holding. Silas put his hand
41:17on the console, palm up. I put mine in it. He didn't lace his fingers through mine. Just pressed
41:22his palm down against mine and held it there. We drove. I kept my hand under his. He kept pressing
41:27down on it, all the way home. The next morning, Silas was already gone. Time to go back to class.
41:32I took the subway. Around Union Square I noticed a girl across the car look up at me. Then down
41:38at
41:38her phone. Then up at me again. I glanced at her screen when the train slowed at the next station.
41:43My face was on it. I looked away. Held the pole a little tighter. Told myself I was seeing things.
41:49I wasn't. Second floor lit 220. I opened the door and the room went quiet for about a second and
41:54a
41:54half. Everyone looked up, then looked back down at once. I stood in the doorway. Then I walked to the
42:00back and sat. To my left someone whispered something. And the girl next to her laughed
42:03and then said, too loud. I'm not laughing at her. I'm just, stop. A girl in the row in front
42:08of me
42:09turned around. Blonde. Rings on every finger. Sorry, are you? Yeah. Oh my god. She turned to
42:15her friend. It is her. Her friend leaned over too, looked at me, looked back at her phone. I opened
42:19my
42:19notebook, kept my eyes on the page. Ten minutes into class, the blonde girl reached back over her
42:24shoulder and dropped her phone on my desk without turning around. I didn't want to look. I looked,
42:28a photo. Grainy. Zoomed. Me and Silas on the sidewalk outside Ashley's building yesterday.
42:33His hand on the small of my back. Both of us looking away from the camera. The caption I didn't
42:38read. The comments I couldn't stop reading. Is that his sister? She'd be cute if she lost 30 pounds.
42:43Guy stopped she seems nice. That last one. I read it twice. Then I closed my hand around the phone,
42:48hard enough that my nails hit the case. The blonde girl was watching me sideways without turning her head.
42:53I put the phone back on her shoulder. She took it. Didn't turn around. I opened my notebook again.
42:59The page was blank. I stared at it and made myself breathe. I stayed. That was the whole thing.
43:04I stayed till the end. I walked out of the building and he was there. Leaning against the pillar.
43:09Coat. Sunglasses. Phone down at his side. He wasn't pretending to do anything. Just watching the door.
43:16He saw me and pushed off the pillar. Two girls near the entrance had their phones half up.
43:20One of them lowered hers when she saw his face. I walked toward him. Halfway there my throat closed.
43:26I stopped in the middle of the walkway and I couldn't move. He crossed the last of it in three
43:31steps. Didn't say anything. Didn't ask. Just pulled me into him. One hand on the back of my head.
43:37The other flat against my back. The same place from the photo. In front of everyone. On purpose.
43:42I put my face in his shoulder and cried. He didn't shush me. Didn't tell me it was fine.
43:47Didn't move. Somewhere behind me a phone shutter went off. He heard it. I felt him turn his head
43:53half an inch toward the sound and then decide not to. He stayed where he was. I don't know
43:58how long. She'd be cute if she lost 30 pounds. I heard. Silas. Jean. I read all of it. I
44:06know.
44:07I read the nice one twice. Good. He didn't let go of me right away. When he did, he kept
44:14his arm
44:14around my shoulders instead. Turned us toward the street. Started walking. Behind us, someone
44:19was still filming. I could feel it. Car's around the corner. Okay. You want to walk or ride?
44:27Ride. Okay. I let him take my hand under his arm and hold it there. And I walked with him
44:32the way you walk with someone when your legs are working but nothing else is. We got to
44:36the car. He opened the door for me. Silas. Yeah. I cried. You stayed. Thank you for the
44:46hand on my back in the photo. It's been there, Jean. The next day, I woke up in his arms.
44:55He was already awake. Not moving. Just there. Morning. Morning. Silas. Yeah. Why aren't you
45:02at the office? My mother's coming over. When? Eleven. Silas. I know. Why? She called
45:11me last night after you fell asleep. And? She said she wanted to come see you. See
45:16me? That's what she said. That's not... Silas, she doesn't come see people. I know. She
45:22summons them. I know, Jean. I looked at the clock. 9.40. Okay. Okay. I'm getting up.
45:30I'm... Silas. Yeah. Is it because of the photo? Yes. Is she angry? I don't know. I stood
45:40in front of the closet for a long time. Everything he'd bought me was in there. Silk. Wool. Things
45:45with tags I hadn't cut off. I picked a sweater I'd had since freshman year. It was pilled at
45:50the elbows. Jeans. Commed my hair. Too much? No. Not enough? Jean. What? Wear what you want.
45:59The bell rang at eleven. Exactly. Silas went. I stayed at the counter with my hands around
46:04a mug I wasn't drinking from. I heard the door. I heard her voice. Where is she? Kitchen
46:09mom. Footsteps. She came around the corner. Camel coat. Hair pulled back. No makeup.
46:15She saw me. Stopped. I put the mug down. Mrs. Kingsley. She didn't answer. She walked across
46:21the kitchen and she pulled me into her arms. I didn't move. She held on. I saw what they wrote.
46:27She said. Quiet. Into the side of my hair. I closed my eyes. Those were not my words. I have
46:32never once thought that about you. I couldn't answer. She held me a while longer. Then she
46:36let go. Held me at arm's length. Looked at me. Sit down sweetheart. Let me tell you something.
46:41We sat at the counter. Silas made tea neither of us drank. Elaine didn't take her coat off.
46:47Jean. Yes. Do you know how old I was when I married James? No. 23. Do you know what I
46:53weighed? No. 160 pounds. I didn't know what to say. His mother told him at the engagement
46:58dinner in front of me that he could do better. I cried in the powder room for 40 minutes.
47:03Then I came back out and I finished my soup. Why? Because I was hungry and because leaving
47:09would have proved her right. I didn't say anything. She looked at me steadily. Vivian is wrong
47:15about you, Jean. She has been wrong about you since the first day. That is my problem, not
47:19yours. Okay. And what those people wrote online is nothing new. They said the same about me. It has
47:25nothing to do with you. It has to do with what he has. I nodded. I couldn't do anything else.
47:30She was
47:31quiet for a moment. Then she reached into her coat pocket, took out an envelope, slid it across the
47:36counter. This is for you. I opened it. A photograph. Old. Priest at one corner. Color faded to that soft,
47:46warm, brown, old photos go. A young woman on a beach. Maybe 22. Long, dark hair. Round face.
47:52Round arms. A one-piece swimsuit. She was laughing at someone off camera. I didn't recognize her.
47:57Then I did. Elaine. That's you. That's me. You were heavier than you are, sweetheart. By quite a bit.
48:07I looked up at her. She was smiling. A little. I kept that one because it was the last picture
48:12taken
48:13of me before I started listening to people who told me I needed to shrink. I don't have any
48:18pictures from the 20 years after. 20 years? Elaine didn't say anything. She just watched me hold
48:24the photo. Elaine? Yes? Why are you giving this to me? Because I don't want you to spend 20 years
48:32the way I did. She stayed another half hour. Talked out about small things. The garden. A cousin's
48:38wedding. Whether Silas was eating. Then she stood up, kissed the top of my head, and told Silas to
48:42walk her out. I sat at the counter with the photo in front of me. Didn't move. Didn't try to.
48:48I heard
48:48the door close. Heard Silas come back. He stopped in the doorway of the kitchen. I didn't look up.
48:54Silas. Yeah? She's good. I know. He came up. Sat down next to me. Looked at the photo without
49:00touching it. I've never seen this picture. She said she doesn't have any others. She doesn't.
49:06For 20 years. I didn't know that. I picked the photo up. Held it by the edge like something old.
49:12I don't want to stop letting people take pictures of me. He looked at me. Then don't. I put the
49:17photo
49:17down on the counter between us. Face up. Left it there. After class I got on the subway going the
49:23other
49:23way. I didn't tell him. Somewhere between the tunnel and the bridge I took out my phone. Mom,
49:29I'm coming by. Three dots. You finally remembered you have one. I looked at that for a second.
49:34Then I put the phone back in my pocket. The subway ran above ground once it left the tunnel.
49:3940 minutes to the stop. 10 minutes on foot to the townhouse. I hadn't been back in eight months.
49:45I rang the bell. Deanne opened the door. She looked at me for about three seconds.
49:50You got heavy. Can I come in? It's your house too.
49:53She turned around and walked back inside without waiting for me. The TV was on. A woman was selling
49:59a copper pan. The house smelled the way it always smelled. Lemon cleaner and old carpet on the fridge.
50:05My high school graduation photo curling at the corners. A coupon for bed, bath, and beyond that
50:10expired in 2022. I sat on the couch. She sat across from me. Then she started.
50:16Look at your face. Mom. Am I wrong? Look in a mirror. I have. You have and you still went
50:21out?
50:21I didn't answer. Does that boyfriend know you look like this? He knows. He knows and he hasn't left yet?
50:29Mom. What? His mother hugged me this morning. She stopped. And? She said she'd never thought that
50:35about me. Deanne smiled a little, not warmly. She's being polite. Women like her learn to be Jean.
50:40Mom. What? She gave me a photograph of herself. A what? From when she was young. Before she got
50:45thin. Diane didn't answer. I didn't push it. Then she said, don't get ideas. About what? Being one
50:51of those people. Mom. What? Rich families don't marry girls like you, Jean. They keep you around
50:57and then they marry their own. I'm telling you because no one else will. You've told me since I
51:04was nine. And it was true then and it's true now. Your father posted on Facebook last week.
51:11Did he? Him and her and her kid at the lake. You didn't see it. I don't have him at
51:18it anymore.
51:19Neither do I. Neither of us said anything for a while. Then she picked up her attack where
51:23she'd left it. Lose 20 pounds at least. Then they can't hurt you. Her roots were showing.
51:32Mom. Mom. What? Is that how you did it? You lost the weight and you still got hurt.
51:41Jean. Didn't you?
51:46Are you hungry? Yeah. She went into the kitchen. She'd made lasagna the night before. Half a pan of it.
51:57She heated up two big squares in the microwave and brought them out on the good plates.
52:07She set mine down in front of me. Her portion was half the size of mine.
52:12She sat down. You used to love this. I still love it. Well, she pushed a napkin at me.
52:19Eat then. You came all the way out here. I picked up the fork. You know, when I was your
52:23age,
52:24I ate a slice of bread for lunch. One slice. Mom. Every day. Every day, Jean. That's what it took.
52:31Okay. Nobody told me either. I figured it out on my own. If I hadn't...
52:36You'd have been me.
52:40She stopped.
52:43That's not what I meant. It's what you said.
52:49She looked down at her plate.
52:52Then she reached over with her fork, cut a corner off her own square of lasagna, and slid it onto
52:57my plate.
53:00It'll get cold. Eat before it gets cold.
53:04I looked at that corner of lasagna for a long time.
53:10Then I ate it. I ate everything on my plate. I ate the corner she gave me.
53:14I ate slowly. She watched.
53:16She talked the whole time.
53:17About the neighbor's dog.
53:19About a co-worker who was retiring.
53:21About how the church down the road was being sold.
53:24She didn't compliment me, and she didn't apologize.
53:30When I was done, I stood up, took both our plates to the sink, and washed them.
53:35She watched me from the table.
53:36She didn't try to stop me.
53:38At the door, I put my coat on.
53:40Well?
53:41Bye, Mom.
53:42Don't come back if you're just gonna look at me like that.
53:45Mom.
53:45What?
53:46I'll be back next Sunday.
53:48What for?
53:49To see you.
53:51She didn't say anything.
53:52I opened the door.
53:53Before I stepped out, I said it again.
53:55Quieter.
53:56Next Sunday, Mom.
53:58I stood in the hallway of her building for about a minute.
54:00Didn't cry.
54:01Didn't smile.
54:02Just stood there, then I went down the stairs.
54:05On the subway back, I took my phone out for the first time since I'd texted her earlier.
54:09Nothing.
54:10He hadn't called.
54:11Hadn't texted.
54:12I didn't text him either.
54:14I put the phone face down on my thigh and watched the buildings go by outside the window,
54:19until they got tall again.
54:20I let myself in.
54:21He was in the living room, reading something.
54:23He looked up when he heard the door and set it down.
54:26Hi.
54:27He didn't move from the couch.
54:29Just watched me take my coat off.
54:31Where were you?
54:32My mom's.
54:34Okay.
54:35I walked over and sat down next to him.
54:37Not on him.
54:38Silas?
54:39Yeah.
54:40I'm going next Sunday, too.
54:42Okay.
54:43I didn't tell you I was going today.
54:45I know.
54:47You're not mad?
54:49No.
54:50Why not?
54:52She's your mother, Jean.
54:56What did she say?
54:59She said I was heavy.
55:01She said to lose 20 pounds.
55:03She gave me the corner of her lasagna.
55:06You ate it?
55:07I ate all of it.
55:08He nodded slow.
55:09Then he reached over, put his arm around my shoulders, and pulled me against him.
55:14He didn't say anything else.
55:15I put my face against his shoulder and realized, only then, that my hands had been shaking the
55:20whole train ride home.
55:21He didn't say I was brave.
55:23He didn't say he was proud.
55:25He just held on until I stopped shaking.
55:27He didn't say he was proud of.