- 2 days ago
- #overcome
- #singlemoms
- #faith
- #jesus
Meet Barbara, our host, as she shares her story. #overcome #singlemoms #faith #Jesus
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LifestyleTranscript
00:08I married my high school sweetheart and we had a son out of wedlock and he was two years old
00:16when we got married. And we then were married for about seven years, had a second child,
00:23and my husband struggled with alcohol in the early years of our marriage. And then he went to
00:31Alcoholics Anonymous. He found the Lord and we together, we walked that journey. I joined the
00:38support group for Alcoholics Anonymous, the Al-Anon group. And so it was quite a learning
00:44curve for me because I was so young. I was only 21 at the time. And then he was sober
00:50for many years
00:51when my daughter was born. And, you know, it was a turning point in our lives where the Lord
00:56touched his life. And I thought, oh, this is fantastic. We are on the upswing and life's
01:02going to be great. You know, we can build together. And then one sad event happened where he went out.
01:09He went out and he drank one night and then went out with a few friends. And he was on
01:16the receiving
01:16end of, you know, the typical crime that happens in the Cape Flats, where someone who had been let
01:23out of prison that same afternoon was at an event that he should not have been. And apparently an
01:30argument unfolded. My husband stood in the gap for a friend that was in this argument and was shot in
01:37the crossfire. And at the tender age of 28, I found myself a widow. It's not something you can
01:44prescribe. It's not something you can prepare for. And suddenly you have these two young children
01:49that you need to look after. My son at the time was nine years old and my daughter was only
01:55three
01:55years old. And my husband was shot on the eve of the birthday of my son. So he actually died
02:03on my son's birthday. Yeah. And then I was a single mom at the age of 28.
02:11My goodness. Sure. You know, Barbara, the topic for today is that God knows your story and God
02:22sees you. And earlier I said to our listeners that, you know, some single parents right now
02:30didn't plan their journey. You know, it was not planned. And here you are speaking about
02:38your story, which was not a planned story for you to be a single mom. There were other plans that
02:45you
02:45and your husband had, but this is what you had to now adapt to. So I'd love for you to
02:57speak about
02:58that adapting to be a single parent at the tender age, as you said, of 28. What do you even
03:07do?
03:08Where do you even begin? Because this was not the plan.
03:13No, definitely not the plan. I mean, beside the fact that I was just so young as a wife and
03:18a mom,
03:19you know, overlay that with a sudden death. It's not something you can ever prepare for.
03:23And if someone were to ask me six months before that, or three months before that, if someone were
03:29to scope this for me, I would say I wouldn't survive. And so if I now, you know, hindsight,
03:39looking back at this, it's only the hand of God. So I had an encounter, you know, we hear stories
03:46about how God speaks really clearly. And I was privileged to have such an encounter. So in the time that
03:52we
03:52were preparing for my husband's funeral, I just felt this stir that I need to go to my room.
03:58And I went to my bedroom and I opened the Bible. And at the time, I didn't know that I
04:03did, I wouldn't
04:03know exactly, you know, where to go in the word. I just opened the word. And, and the Lord gave
04:09me
04:10Psalm 68, verses five, which says, I will be a father to the fatherless, defender of widows,
04:18is God in his holy dwelling. And, and it's, and it stood out for me, needless to say, because not
04:25only was it directly linked to what I was going through at that moment, but it was a promise that
04:30was, that's, that's never returned void. The Lord held up his promise, as we know that he would,
04:35he's a good, good father. But it was also about me discovering where, where I'll find my strength
04:40and my support, you know, in a, in a father that took a situation like this and turned it around
04:45for his glory and for my new relationship with him.
04:50Sure. For his glory, for his glory, Lord, for your glory. Yeah. Now, in terms of just mentally,
05:02you know, having to grieve, look after small little kids, you know, one has just been born
05:10and the support structure is not there. And now I am here, you know, what, how did you,
05:20you know, did you lean on other people? What did support look like and mean to you at that time?
05:29Very good question. So, so let me start by saying that, you know, we, we glibly say it takes a
05:35community to raise a child, but there's so much truth in that statement, because if, if I experienced
05:41it, it was then. So I was fortunate to have a loving family, a very supportive family, not only
05:48in my sister and her husband at the time, but my mom and dad, particularly with, you know, raising
05:52these two babies with me. And then there was the extended family that rallied around to support,
05:59to not only support, but provision. I mean, the provision came from all corners. I don't think I
06:04ever paid for a birthday gift for the next 10 years for my kids, because they were showered with
06:09love and attention. But, but then of course, it's also about very important for our single moms to,
06:15to remind themselves that we all have a deep inner strength. And that inner strength comes from
06:22leaning into our father. That's our heavenly father. You know, if you dig, you know, we talk about
06:28digging deep. If you dig deep, you find out who you really are. You know, when, when, when the walls
06:34are caving in and you don't know your left from your right, I had to think about, sure, I was
06:39going
06:39to study law. I was going to do this. I was going to, to, to do so many things in
06:43terms of career.
06:44And suddenly I needed to just survive and earn an income and, and still be able to earn enough of
06:49an income so that my, my kids had every opportunity. So, um, I can honestly say to you, see, besides
06:56the,
06:56what I've just explained, the family and the community, the Lord carried me every single day.
07:03There's no other way to, to think about it. You know, how did, how survived doors of opportunity
07:08just came up. Um, people approached me. I, I received incredible favor at work, um, promotion
07:16upon promotion. I, as a single mom, I was able to afford a lifestyle that two, two working
07:23professionals would probably, um, be able to afford. And I don't know how I did it. It's only
07:28the hand of God. It is only the hand of God, a reminder once again, that God sees you as
07:37a single mother. God sees you and God knows your story. We are speaking to Barbara Jaffta.
07:44She's sharing her story of being a single mom, um, having to be a widow at the age of 28,
07:52tender
07:52age of 28 and having to raise her two children on her own. So if you have any questions, if
07:59you feel as if man, oh man, what a story that's been shared, please feel free to send through
08:06your questions. We're going to go straight to a short music break and we'll be back with
08:11more from Barbara, uh, the single mother that is listening now that needs that hope that needs
08:17the restoration that only comes from Christ. So, uh, Barbara speaking about that, you know, some,
08:24a lot of single women feel rejected, feel abandoned as if, you know, everyone has left me.
08:31Um, I would love for you to just speak into that area of rejection and abandonment of just feeling
08:38like I'm alone, the financial burden, it's on me alone. Everything is on me alone. And I know that
08:44your experience was different, of course, but just to maybe speak hope into a single parent out there
08:51that feels that way. Thanks, Jessie. It will be a privilege. Um, so I, I was privileged in that I
09:00had
09:01an incredible support, but, but my assumption is that many people don't have that. And so, so my advice
09:07there would be that, you know, um, if you understand your identity in Christ, if you truly understand
09:14your identity in Christ, then you don't have to shy away into the shadows for anybody. You can,
09:19you can stand up and you can step forward boldly. Um, one of the verses that the Lord gave me,
09:25I think it was into the, the second or third year after my husband's death. Um, you know,
09:30you start to doubt yourself and I'm sure many single women doubt themselves when suddenly opportunities
09:35come up or there's a, a need to push through against something really difficult. It was Isaiah 30, 21,
09:43you know, where it says, whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a
09:48voice
09:48behind you saying, this is the way, walk in it. And, and so it, it takes some, um, discipline because
09:55the world will pull you off in, in, in, in the wrong way. And if you don't, if you don't
10:00lean into the
10:00word of God and understand your identity, you, we can easily make the wrong, take the,
10:05make the wrong decisions. I've certainly fallen, but you know, God is so gracious. He picks you up
10:11and he, and the way he'll show up, it won't necessarily be the heavens opening. And there's a
10:16light bulb, you know, a lightning bolt that, that hits you. It's, it's about people that come across
10:22your path. So for, for the single ladies that don't know the left or the right, my advice is just
10:28to
10:29pause when you're not sure. Cause God is not an author of confusion. If you're not sure you wait
10:34and he will show up. It'll, it could be someone in the supermarket that pays for your groceries.
10:39It could be someone, um, blessing you with a discount on something. It could be someone
10:44coming across your path just to help you pick up your kids to get them to where they need to
10:49be.
10:49It can be, it's always something practical, but it's never just that. That's the hand of God.
10:54So, so don't wait for big miracles, pay attention to the small miracles because that's what carries
11:00you daily. Um, and they are the, if you lean in and you call on him from a deep place
11:06with sincerity,
11:07he shows up immediately. Yep. He is an immediate type of God that shows up and clears the way.
11:16Um, I love that reminder that God is not the author of confusion. You know, he is the God of
11:22order.
11:22So often you find that single moms, um, are in survival mode, you know, and when you're in that mode,
11:28it's, it's a lot of confusion and there's no clarity and, you know, you're going from this and that.
11:34And yeah, so I love that, uh, you know, saying be centered in Christ in all that you do, uh,
11:41and remind
11:42yourselves daily. And I'd love to, I know, you know, to, to, for you to just go into those practical
11:48things that one can begin to do, uh, to get closer to him, you know, to understand him, um,
11:56more and to, you know, just really be practical about spending time with Christ and your journey.
12:04And maybe some of the things that really worked for you, whether it is, you know,
12:18you're, she's one of them. Yes, she is. I keep on smiling at her and nodding.
12:24She puts me in these situations, but she's a blessing. And that's maybe a perfect example of
12:30God's hand right there, you know, um, in, in, in the friends he puts in your life and, and the
12:35opportunities that they bring across your path. But, but to answer your question about that example,
12:41um, I often tease with Lucien, I've had this discussion and others, you know, when we're
12:47getting ready to have a coffee date or you're going to go with the goals for drinks, whatever it is,
12:52um, a dinner date. We, we, we think about it the day before, sometimes a few days before we, we
12:57think
12:58about what we're going to wear. We think about, are we, what makeup we're going to put on. We think
13:02about,
13:02uh, driving the, on our way there, we get really excited about arriving and seeing that person. So that's
13:10no different to spending time. In fact, spending time with our heavenly father should be even more
13:15of an excitement. It's the same thing. It's the best date in your life. So I had to learn to
13:21date
13:21him, to kind of show up for him when the world was really coming. You know, I was like a
13:26young girl
13:26trying to find my way, not only as a young mom, but also this world system that we're in. So
13:32you'll
13:32often, you'll often receive many invitations. Not all of them are invitations you should accept.
13:38So I've had to learn, you know, when you're at that age between 28 and 35, I should still be
13:44enjoying life and going out. And I didn't do any of that. I just didn't have, um, not only capacity,
13:50but it was just, my world was very different. So single moms are, we feel quite lonely in that
13:56because we can't explain our reality to, to people that don't have that. We've got to make different
14:02choices. So that shows up in like, you know, if someone's inviting you to a party, one, you don't
14:08have money to attend that party, two, um, you maybe need to prepare for something for the kids
14:13the night before, and it'll take you away from that time. And three, um, you, you know, that the
14:18Lord's maybe laid on your heart that you should not go and trust that, trust that inner conviction.
14:25Because if I think the amount of times I've had to lean into the, you know, the Holy Spirit's leading,
14:30the amount of times I've had to say no, as opposed to yes, those no's take you on the right
14:35path.
14:36So trust your, your judgment too, because, um, loneliness can also lead you into making
14:42the wrong decisions. And I've done that too, by the way, I'm not perfect. I had to learn
14:46by trial and error. And, and also there's the other part that we don't speak about, you know,
14:52as a, as a woman, God's created us to be a helper and come alongside a man. So we, we
14:57also desire to be
14:59in a partnership romantically. And, and sometimes you must just wait for that. Don't rush it because
15:05you could get into the wrong relationships. I've done that too. So, so the Lord's always
15:11been the one who pulls me out of it. He comes in and rescues me. But if I can give
15:15any advice
15:16to the ladies that are still on that journey, if ever you needed to think long and hard is about
15:22the
15:22partner, the future partner that you, that you, that you, that you, the partnership that you enter
15:28into, just really wait on God's guidance there, because it can take you down, down a completely
15:34wrong path. Um, and don't be, don't, don't feel stuck in your singleness. Don't feel stuck as a
15:39single mom. These always help. There's so many other single moms that could rally around you,
15:45even if just with some support. Um, yeah, I'll pause on that. Otherwise I'll run off in my own
15:50direction too. All right, uh, Barbara, I'm glad that you, you posed, but I, but I loved what, um,
15:57you said. So we've got some voice notes that have come through here in studio. Um, so we're just going
16:03to play them. Welcome to the single mother's corner. We are talking about God knows your story. Indeed,
16:14he does. Yes, he did it for Hagar and he will do it for you. Hagar was alone in the
16:20wilderness with
16:21Ishmael and she thought all hope was lost, but she didn't know that a God who created Ishmael
16:28understood what he needed. And the Lord called out to Hagar and told her, don't worry, the boy is going
16:35to leave and provided water, which was the very need of the boy. God knows the need of your children.
16:42I know, you know, their need, and I know you're calling out to God, Lord, they need this, they
16:46need that, they need that. But the Lord knows exactly what will bring them alive, what will
16:51make things work for them, what will make them thrive in life. God knows the details of your life
16:57and their lives, just as you're concerned for them. God is concerned, more concerned for them than you.
17:04And he's going to provide all you need for them to thrive and for you to thrive. Yes,
17:11we've got your back and God's got your back. I want you to believe that you are the mother for
17:18these children. You are the right one for these children and you have all you need because he
17:24knows the full story. You are not in obscurity. You are not alone. You are with God. Even in the
17:31desert, Hagar had God with her and you too, you have the Lord on your side. We are rooting for
17:38you.
17:39Stay strong. Stay comforted. Lift your head up high because your Father God is with you. He will
17:46never leave you nor forsake you. God bless you. Amen. Now there's a question that's come through.
17:52I'm getting choked here. That says, how has the journey emphasized the importance of God
18:02in your life and your children's life? How did you share this with your children so they can know
18:11that God, that it's God that is carrying you and them?
18:20Good question. So let me just explain. My son is the eldest. He's now 35 and my daughter's just
18:32turned 30. And at the time, they were nine and three. And I spoke to them often, I mean,
18:40all the time about the Lord and his provision and that he is their father. But at that young age,
18:45it was very difficult for them to understand, you know, it'll be quite theoretical. What does that
18:51even mean? You know, they needed to experience it for themselves. And of course, we grew up in a
18:56Christian home. So going to church was something we did. It was not optional. It was the foundation of
19:03our faith. And they started to develop a deeper relationship. And that, I think, happened even
19:11sooner because of our situation. Because my husband was not around, they started to develop, each of
19:18them separately, their own relationship with the Lord. It was unfolding in the most beautiful way,
19:23just, you know, for me to be able to behold that. But I needed to lead by example and practice,
19:30you know, because they were watching me all the time. And my son, when he was at the age of
19:3515,
19:37he had an encounter where he was, he was playing, he was playing some video games late into the night,
19:44I think I'd already gone to bed. And the next morning, he said, you know, mom, you've always
19:49been speaking about the Lord will answer me, the Lord will answer me that Jesus is my, you know,
19:54that God's my father, Jesus is ever present, the Holy Spirit. And he said, I never quite understood
20:00what it all meant. It was quite overwhelming. All I knew is that I've got this pain, I've got this
20:04pain,
20:04not seeing my father. And in the quiet of the room that he was alone in at that time,
20:11he called to the Lord and he said, if you are who my mother says you are, if I can
20:18recall now,
20:19just replay what he told me, if you are who my mother says you are, can you then let me
20:25see my dad
20:25just for one more time? If I can just see my dad one more time. And he said he made
20:32this request at
20:33about 1130 something to 12 and nothing happened. And then he went to his room, I think at about
20:39one or two in the morning. And he had such an encounter where a light shone into his room
20:45and he heard the audible voice of the Lord saying, I am your father. And it's something he never
20:52forgot. That was the turning point in his young life at 15. His faith is still strong. He knows when
20:59we speak spiritually, they can engage with me. My daughter has a very special relationship also
21:04with the Lord where, you know, he's given her prophetic dreams and that's just grown. I mean,
21:10there's such a gifting that she has. So I've had to lead by example. And my mom and my dad
21:17lead by
21:17example. My sister, we all lead by example. And they grew up witnessing how we practiced our faith
21:24and how we exercised our faith and how, even when it didn't make sense, I would say to them,
21:29the Lord will provide, you know, the Lord will provide. And there were times that I think,
21:34oh, Father, you need to come through for me. I cannot stand ashamed. And he did. And I could go
21:40back to them and say, that was the Lord's hand. Remember what mom said? That was the Lord's hand,
21:45you know? And so, and so that, and if they were, if they were online now, they would tell you
21:51their
21:51own testimonies. He has just, oh, in the most amazing way, the same promise he gave me in Psalm
21:5768, that I'll be a father to the fatherless. He, he certainly did. And in a very unique and special
22:04way to each of them. Oh, Barbara, thank you so much for sharing that. Very, very special that,
22:11you know, God shows up and reminds us that truly we are his and we are loved and we are
22:16kept by him.
22:18Barbara, thank you so much for, for the conversation. I've really, really, really
22:25enjoyed it. It's been powerful, profound message of really the full reliance on God and the fact that
22:32God sees the single mother. You are not alone, a single mother out there. Those responsibilities
22:38are not only for you. God sees you and he is carrying you and rely on him. Trust him. Surrender
22:45yourself to him. Barbara, thank you. Thank you. Thank you so, so much. May you continue to be
22:51strengthened. May you continue to seek first, you know, God in everything. And may God extend your
22:59territory and continue to provide for you and continue to provide for your children as well.
23:04Well, thank you so much. What a legacy of true faith. Thank you and blessings.
23:11Thank you. Thanks for having me. Thank you. Thank you. And goodbye. Bye bye.
23:18Bye. Right. Family of Cape Poupet. That's what we're talking about.
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