00:00Aw, jeez, when did everything turn to crap?
00:02Bart, don't use language like that.
00:05You have to take the Halloween decorations down before you put the Christmas ones up.
00:10Today I say boo humbug.
00:13Meteorologists warn there'll be no snow this Christmas anywhere in America, not even in Alaska,
00:18where the Eskimos now have a hundred words for nothing.
00:24Hmm. Sorry, kids. I guess the hats and mittens will have to wait until next year.
00:31Aw.
00:39Snow? Snow!
00:43Ah, so you see, the snow is a microclimate aberration caused by radioactive steam from the nuclear plant
00:52and, of course, tire fire particulate.
00:54Oh, boy.
00:55People, Springfield is now the only town in America that has snow this Christmas,
01:00so tourists are going to want to come here.
01:03Who? Who will gouge with me?
01:06I, too, will gouge.
01:08Duffbeer is proud to make a corporate commitment to gouging.
01:13Duffbeer is proud to make a corporate commitment to gouging.
01:16Hehehehehe.
01:21Grr.
01:29Eh?
01:30Are you okay, Chief?
01:32I'll be fine. I'll be fine.
01:33God, I bent down to pick up a piece of candy and roll down a hill.
01:40One-hit parking, five dollars.
02:03Excuse me, ma'am.
02:04I'm so sorry to bother you, but my kids are exhausted and the town is sold out.
02:08Is there any chance you'd have a spare room for us?
02:11Please, please, ma'am.
02:13We'd pay you $300 a night.
02:14Please, please take our money and everybody wins.
02:20Oh, good.
02:21Marjorie married after I died.
02:24Wait a minute.
02:24I'm not dead.
02:25What's going on?
02:26This is a great thing.
02:28We're helping people celebrate Christmas and we'll be able to afford Christmas.
02:33Take a look at this.
02:35What the?
02:36The Simpsons?
02:37Bed and breakfast?
02:38Well, this crazy scheme is the kind of impulsive behavior I want to encourage in you.
02:45I'm in.
02:46A hundred percent.
02:48Oh, thank you.
03:02Welcome to our daycare center.
03:05All girls, please move to cootie quarantine.
03:08Oh, we've got a two-month-old.
03:10Are you sure you can handle her?
03:12Just don't lose this claim ticket.
03:16Lord, I'm just a small-town minister.
03:19We don't have Mormon money.
03:20But if you could see your way to guiding my fingers as I type this sermon.
03:26Friends, every year I tell you this holiday is about the birth of our Lord.
03:30Not singing Santas in full stockings.
03:33Oh, I don't know that.
03:35You're losing us!
03:36Christmas is not about what happened in a manger some 2,000 years ago.
03:41It is about what you do for others now.
03:45Oh!
03:46Give with your hearts.
03:47Give with your acts.
03:49And you will know the true meaning of Christmas.
03:58That sermon really inspired me.
04:01This whole Christmas has been about money.
04:04Oh, are you with the Salvation Army?
04:07What makes you think that?
04:09Bless you.
04:10But I'm going to give gifts that aren't expensive and come from the heart.
04:14I don't know.
04:15Christmas didn't get to be the number one holiday by being about love.
04:20Um, when a woman talks, she just wants to be heard.
04:23What about a romantic carriage ride through the snow?
04:26Setting it up!
04:32I don't think you're giving them what they were promised, Dad.
04:36Excuse me.
04:36This eggnog is terrible.
04:38All eggnog is terrible.
04:40Those stackings are not hung by the chimney with care.
04:45Why did I do this for money?
04:46Why did I do this for money?
04:51Huh?
04:53Mr. Flanders, where's your store?
04:55Well, I'm down to a kiosk, thanks to that place.
04:59Actually, half a kiosk.
05:01I'm sharing it with Nazreen here.
05:03If I have to give presents, I'll give presents with a purpose.
05:06One for Maggie.
05:08Check.
05:09All that's left is Bart.
05:11Ah, perfect.
05:14Uh, more with sale, please.
05:16And don't skimp on the aromatic bitters.
05:18For your information, Gloria, my wassail is just Gatorade I put in the microwave.
05:24I drank that under the mistletoe.
05:26Ho, ho, ho!
05:28Not now.
05:29Take out that pillow and put it in room three.
05:32The pillow acted as a girdle.
05:44An angelica button wizard robe.
05:46Now, Dad, I'd like to give you your present.
05:50You got me weed?
05:51Even better.
05:52They're bags of seeds so that you can plant a garden and watch it grow.
05:58Radishes.
05:59Nothing but radishes.
06:03Dad!
06:04Stop!
06:05Plastic bubbling vomit.
06:06Plastic bubbling vomit.
06:08What?
06:09What?
06:09What?
06:10Lise, you're smart.
06:11Why would you give me a book?
06:18What?
06:20Oh!
06:20Oh!
06:21N.C. Wyeth!
06:22Oh!
06:23These are book illustrations!
06:26How could you burn the present I gave you?
06:29Because it's my present!
06:31Did you give it to me because you thought I'd like it?
06:33Or because you wanted to feel better about yourself?
06:36Children, perhaps it's time that I explain the true meaning of Christmas.
06:40Shut up, Glanders.
06:41Oakley-dokley!
06:42Bart?
06:43You were right.
06:44If you smell your farts in a dream, you die?
06:46No.
06:47About Christmas.
06:48So I went out this morning and I got you this.
06:52It's a tablet with books on it.
06:55Got the twist?
06:56Obviously.
06:57You're saying it's from Maggie.
06:59But actually it's from you.
07:01Thanks, Lise.
07:02Now why don't you donate that to whatever hopeless cause you want?
07:06Thank you all for coming.
07:07Yeah, well, we have something to say to you, Marge.
07:11We wish you a Merry Christmas.
07:14We wish you a Merry Christmas.
07:17We wish you a Merry Christmas.
07:19We wish you a Merry Christmas.
07:19And a Happy New Year.
07:43Hey, can't you tell my voice from a ten-year-old kid?
07:52Oh no, Jung is refusing to fall back on his old catchphrases!
07:56My Carola?
07:58What?
08:00Shut up and go to the front with me!
08:02Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
