00:01Mother's Day is a bit of a mixed bag for me because on the one hand it's a nice day
00:06with my boys and I mean they're not quite at the age of you know wanting to make me breakfast
00:14in bed and stuff but obviously I will drop not so subtle hints for about two weeks of all the
00:19things that mummy would really like for Mother's Day and then hopefully they might buy some so that's you know
00:24or daddy will buy them and gift them on behalf of the children.
00:28So I do it's nice it's a nice family day in that respect but it's always kind of tinged with
00:33a little bit of sadness on my side because I lost my own mum when I was a teenager so
00:39Mother's Day is just one of those I mean every day is a hard day when you lose somebody that
00:44you love but when there's a day that's kind of plastered on banners and adverts for you know a month
00:50or so leading up to the event show you know show someone show your mum she's really special or what
00:54have you you kind of can't get away from it.
00:57So I'm always I guess hyper aware in the run up to Mother's Day that it's the day that you
01:02know my own mum isn't here so it's a it's a it's a hard day but probably easier now that
01:08at least I have a purpose in that day because I'm no longer just somebody's child I'm a mum myself
01:12so I have a role in in Mother's Day I guess now.
01:16Becoming a mum myself was probably one of those more poignant moments where it made me reflect on having lost
01:23my own mum and also just all those questions that you have about what I was like as a baby
01:31did I do this was I you know are there kind of parallels between what me and my sister were
01:37like and what my boys are like
01:39and and they were just kind of remain unanswered I can't I can kind of never get the answers to
01:44those
01:45and just that support network of being able to say I don't just pick up the phone at any hour
01:50I've got lots of good friends and family but there's nobody quite like your mum to be able to just
01:55say
01:55actually actually I'm really struggling can you you know can you help and I do often wonder if I would
02:00have perhaps found motherhood a little bit easier had I had that kind of you know ongoing on call support
02:06but I actually have a suspicion that I wouldn't have found it any easier because it's just hard work whatever
02:10but um but yeah it is it is um it is just always incredibly sad to just not have that
02:17to have your own like maternal figure to share how you're feeling and and for the and it's sad for
02:22the boys you know I feel sad on their behalf because they
02:24you know they don't have their nanny they have um you know they have grandparents who are absolutely amazing but
02:31it's it's not my mother so um so yeah it is a hard day I think when when um when
02:38you have your own children you have that feeling of I now have sympathy for all the things that my
02:43parents went through um because you're just you are just the most precious thing to them um and sometimes I
02:50say things and my boys look at me even now at five and two oh you know mum you're spoiling
02:54our fun
02:54type thing but it just takes me right back to when I just used to think things were really unfair
02:58but it's just because you know your parents care and so you almost want to just be able to say
03:03I get it now I'm so sorry that I was you know so terrible between the ages of eight and
03:0714 or whatever it might be um so yeah so that's hard that's another dimension of kind of not being
03:13able to say oh wow I really I really appreciate what you went through in in raising two children um
03:19because as a teenager you just don't you just you're quite selfish as a teenager I think you're just yeah
03:23I think before I had children I thought that when I had children I would be one of those people
03:28that would cherish every moment that would just you know everything would be live laugh love we're just going to
03:33enjoy every moment because you you never know what's around the corner
03:36the reality is that having kids is just such hard work um that I've I you know I have good
03:42days and bad days the same as anybody else um possibly more bad days than most people I think on
03:48reflection
03:48when I kind of tot up the um you know if you're to draw a chart I do think I
03:53struggle quite a lot um it certainly doesn't feel like it's come really you know completely naturally
03:58um and I think there's an element of you know sometimes I worry when I moan a lot on the
04:03blog or I say oh the boys are doing my head in that people will think oh that's you know
04:07she's really she's really ungrateful
04:08because I am aware that I'm really lucky to have been you know to have had two such lovely children
04:14however I always have in the back of my mind that I I know that I do appreciate that life's
04:18too short and that you know you never know what's around the corner and you should try and cherish the
04:23moments when you can
04:23but I also believe wholeheartedly that if you're not cherishing the moments you should share why you're not to kind
04:28of help that promote that feeling of solidarity
04:30like we're all in it together some days are good and some days are really rotten and that's fine like
04:35we should feel okay to open up about that
04:37and I think my mum would have um approved of that ethos as well you know the the kind of
04:43sharing for the benefit of of everybody
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