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00:11Lord, I can't be!
01:32Acharya Ji, bullying is often seen as a clear moral wrong.
01:37But in reality, those who bully often seem to thrive in life.
01:41They get success, they get power, social acceptance also sometimes.
01:46But the ones on the receiving end, they're left with trauma and depression.
01:50From your perspective, how are we supposed to understand this dynamic?
01:55And is bullying simply just bad behavior?
01:58Or is there deep psychological understanding or explanation for why bullies seem to thrive
02:04and the receiving ones are left with the consequences?
02:07We'll come to that, whether bullies actually thrive.
02:12But the first thing to see is that you are not responsible for these random things that happen to you.
02:26You do not control the 850 crore of world's population.
02:34You do not know where they come from, how they were raised, what bruise in their mind.
02:40You don't know of that and you're not accountable for that.
02:44So, some madman can come and throw nonsense at you.
02:49That in no way is a reflection of who you are.
02:56Just as some dimwit comes and praises you and that does not make you any higher.
03:03Or does it?
03:05Does it?
03:05It does not.
03:08Somebody comes, knowing nothing about you and simply starts saying,
03:11You are the most wonderful person in the world.
03:14Does that glorify you really?
03:15It does not.
03:17Similarly, some rabbit dog starts barking at you.
03:21We are taking a walk.
03:22How does that diminish you?
03:25Or does it?
03:25That doesn't diminish you in any way.
03:28So, that is happening and that is not an account of who you are.
03:38That is not your story.
03:41That is the story that is happening outside of you.
03:45Don't let that narrative become your inner story.
03:49That person has things to say.
03:52Those things are that person's problem, not yours.
04:00That fellow has things to say about you.
04:04And those are very, very absurd, very nonsensical, ugly things that that person might have to say about you.
04:12That is his problem, not yours.
04:15Not yours.
04:15You stay apart, you stay clean, you stay untouched.
04:19Untouched where?
04:21Well, the world can throw stuff at you and the stuff can touch your body because the body too, in
04:27a sense, belongs to the world.
04:29So, the world can throw muck at you and the muck will land on your body.
04:33That's fine, that things can happen.
04:35But there must be an internal space that must remain untouched by whatever the world does.
04:43That alone, that alone is your own space.
04:49That purity, that purity is your own and must be safeguarded.
04:56Nobody must be allowed to trespass there.
05:00Are you getting this?
05:03So, we do not know what the next person is going to say.
05:08We do not know.
05:09This ceiling might fall.
05:11The hill smear experience an earthquake.
05:15And in the age of social media, anybody can be trolled anytime.
05:20Do you guys have social media accounts yet?
05:23No, I hope not.
05:25Good, thank you.
05:27But at some point, you will have.
05:30And then you will find all kinds of people coming and posting all kinds of things on your accounts.
05:37And if you allow that to be connected to your self-esteem, to your inner identity,
05:45then you will find yourself at the mercy of unknown faces.
05:50You do not even know who they are and yet, somehow they are pulling your inner strings.
05:56That is a pitiable situation to be in, is it not?
05:59I do not even know who that person is.
06:01But I have become dependent on that person for my self-worth.
06:05I mean, I do not want to be in that situation.
06:08So, let the world say what the world wants to say.
06:11You must know who to listen to.
06:14You must be very discreet with that.
06:16Now, I will come to the next part of the thing.
06:21One thing you must always ask yourself.
06:26Am I a participant in subjecting myself to that person?
06:34I mean, that person, or whatever, that person, that situation, that event, whatever, that institution.
06:41That person gaining access to me.
06:44Was it a total coincidence or was I a participant in that?
06:53Did I, in some way, allow that person to have access to me?
06:57And if you find that you were coordinating his access to you, you were facilitating his access to you, then
07:16withdraw.
07:17Because you owe that to yourself.
07:22Do you get this?
07:23Why must you be in an environment that does not understand you and is rather abusive?
07:30You don't need to be there.
07:33And we live in a hyper-connected world.
07:38Where anybody can say anything to anybody.
07:42Therefore, having a very strong inner locus of control becomes all the more important as you grow up.
07:51Somebody sitting in some part of Africa or Europe can comment on you.
07:56That was not possible 50 years back.
07:58Today it is possible.
08:01Just about anybody, just about anybody, just about anybody can make himself or herself be read, seen, felt, experienced.
08:12You must be a little immune to those experiences.
08:17Getting this?
08:18Now, why do these bullies succeed?
08:21Well, they really don't.
08:23They really don't.
08:27Were they really successful?
08:29They won't need to bully.
08:32Bullying itself is a symptom of inner failure.
08:37How can they be successful?
08:41Had you not miserably failed inside,
08:45why would you choose to bully someone on the outside?
08:50When you are complete within,
08:55contended within,
08:57then you want to share joy with others.
09:01Then you want to extend a helping hand to others.
09:05No?
09:07You could even say poetically that you overflow with love.
09:11When you are really successful inside.
09:13Has that happened with you?
09:15That when you are really joyful,
09:17you spread out,
09:19and you say good things to others,
09:21and you smile,
09:21and if you find somebody disheartened,
09:24then you say,
09:25come on,
09:25let's play.
09:26Don't be so dejected.
09:28Get up.
09:28You do that, right?
09:29You don't bully.
09:30When you are joyful,
09:32would you go out and bully someone?
09:33You won't do that.
09:35So if somebody
09:37has become
09:38almost a professional bully,
09:41what does that tell about that person's inner state?
09:44Sir, they need help.
09:46Oh, they need help.
09:47So inferior.
09:47Wonderful.
09:48Wonderful.
09:49They feel help,
09:50and they feel inferior.
09:51Oh, they are stinking within.
09:52They are stinking within.
09:54They actually need help.
09:55Now, why would you grudge someone
09:58who is himself or herself in need of help?
10:01Sadism.
10:04So all kinds of sadism
10:05flows from inner misery.
10:08Why will you take pleasure
10:10in showing somebody down
10:13if you are not suffering inside?
10:17Do you get this?
10:18So never, never believe this.
10:21Never accept that narrative
10:23that bullies
10:25or all kinds of wrongdoers,
10:26they do well in life,
10:28they become successful,
10:29they gain power and all that.
10:31Even if they seem to gain power
10:33or wealth or influence,
10:35It's of the same.
10:36they are still feeling suffocated within.
10:40They are still weeping within.
10:42They are still very, very miserable.
10:46So what about the victims
10:49who bear the consequences?
10:51They apparently,
10:52later in life also,
10:53they can't stand up for them.
10:54You are right.
10:55You are right.
10:55You are right.
10:56But then, you know,
10:59physical abuse is one thing,
11:01which is factual.
11:03Somebody comes and hurts you on the leg.
11:05Right?
11:06It's a factual injury.
11:08However,
11:09as we go through life,
11:11most of the wounds that we suffer
11:14are not on the body.
11:16They are on the mind.
11:19And the wounds on the body,
11:21they heal in due course.
11:23Biology takes care of that.
11:25There is a wound on the body,
11:26it will heal.
11:27But the wounds on the mind,
11:30they not only fester,
11:31they sometimes deepen with time.
11:34So when you are talking of the victim,
11:37let's be specific.
11:39We are talking of the one
11:40who allowed her mind to be wounded.
11:45When your body is wounded,
11:47sometimes you are helpless with that.
11:49Somebody threw a stone at you,
11:51it wounded your body,
11:51you couldn't do anything about it.
11:53Fine.
11:53Understood.
11:54But when your mind is wounded,
11:56you are a participant there.
11:59Internally,
12:00you cannot be wounded
12:02without your consent.
12:03Would you remember this?
12:05Externally,
12:06you can be wounded
12:07without your consent.
12:09Somebody can fire a shot at you
12:11and you might fall dead.
12:13Nobody took your consent
12:14before killing you.
12:15That can happen.
12:16But psychologically,
12:18internally,
12:19mentally,
12:20you cannot be wounded
12:21without your consent.
12:23So if you are wounded,
12:25then in some sense,
12:26you have been a participant.
12:28Now withdraw that participation.
12:30Say,
12:30No,
12:31I am not going to play this game.
12:33And if you are not going to play that game,
12:35they cannot wound you.
12:36They can hurt you on the outside.
12:38They cannot hurt you on the inside.
12:41Don't allow those wounds to fester.
12:44Because in those wounds,
12:46something called the ego celebrates.
12:49The ego needs those internal wounds
12:52and that's why
12:53it preserves those wounds.
12:54We won't allow
12:55that internal wound
12:56to happen at all.
12:57Externally,
12:58you can do something.
12:59I understand.
13:00I can't help it.
13:01Internally,
13:02I am independent.
13:04Internally,
13:05I am free.
13:06Internally,
13:07nobody can wound me
13:08without my consent.
13:12Can I ask you a follow-up question?
13:14Sure, sure.
13:14So you mentioned
13:15that nobody can wound us internally
13:17without our consent.
13:18So how do we create
13:19that mental fortress
13:20in our head
13:21so we make sure
13:21nobody can hurt us internally?
13:22So we have to look at
13:24the process
13:25of that internal vulnerability.
13:28How do you get wounded within?
13:30How do you get wounded within?
13:32When you let them,
13:33you give them the power
13:34to have that control over you.
13:37That's it.
13:37That's it.
13:38You give them that power
13:39and now a follow-up from my side.
13:41Why does one give them that power?
13:45When they feel helpless.
13:47No.
13:48In exchange for certain benefits.
13:53Otherwise,
13:55why would I allow that person
13:58to determine my self-worth
14:00or whatever or whatever?
14:01Surely I am getting something
14:03from that person
14:04and in exchange,
14:05I allow that person
14:07to determine my internal state.
14:10To seek acceptance.
14:12Acceptance or anything.
14:14Even physical goods.
14:15Even physical sustenance.
14:16Money.
14:17Self-worth.
14:18Or that thing
14:19that we call as love.
14:21Whatever.
14:22Comfort.
14:25You allow the other
14:26to have
14:30undeserved access
14:31to your mind
14:32in exchange for certain benefits.
14:35benefits.
14:35So the
14:36formula then is
14:38reject those benefits.
14:41Simply say no.
14:42No.
14:44I do not want
14:46all that
14:47you are offering me
14:48and tempting me with.
14:50I refuse those temptations.
14:53Do not pacify others.
14:55Yes.
14:56One of the temptations is
14:59he will speak
15:01good of me.
15:04he will give me
15:05my presence
15:06and my identity.
15:08No.
15:08No.
15:08I do not want that
15:09from you.
15:10And when you do not
15:10want that from anybody,
15:12nobody gets the power
15:13to offend you
15:15internally.
15:16Always remember this.
15:19Whenever you are
15:20wounded internally,
15:21it has happened
15:22with
15:26your consent.
15:28So yes,
15:28the other is
15:29obviously to be blamed.
15:30But before we blame
15:32the others,
15:33blame yourself.
15:35First thing to ask is
15:36what did I do
15:38to get hurt?
15:40Because that fellow
15:41stands outside of me.
15:44So it starts with ourselves.
15:46Yes.
15:46The maximum
15:47he could have had
15:47access to is my
15:49outer self.
15:51He could have
15:52thrown a stone
15:53or tried something else.
15:56And if that happens,
15:57then the police is there.
15:58Fine.
15:58Or all the other
15:59authorities are there.
16:00So they will take care of it.
16:01But internally,
16:02you get wounded
16:03only when
16:04you have opened
16:05that door
16:06for him or her
16:08to enter.
16:09And that door,
16:10remember,
16:11is always bolted
16:12and locked from
16:13within.
16:15So if the door
16:16has been flung open,
16:18the doing is
16:19yours.
16:20Your own.
16:22You have opened
16:23that door
16:23for the mischief maker
16:24to enter.
16:26And why did you
16:26open that door?
16:27Because he?
16:29Because he offered
16:31something from the
16:31outside.
16:32Hey, please open
16:32the door.
16:33I am here with
16:33some goodies.
16:35The wolf in disguise.
16:36Yes, the wolf in disguise
16:37or whatever.
16:39It can be manipulation.
16:41Manipulation, yes.
16:42But then I chose
16:43to be manipulated.
16:46What prevented me
16:47from inquiring
16:48more deeply?
16:50So he,
16:50probably,
16:51that person came
16:52with the intent
16:53to manipulate
16:53and deceive.
16:54But then I could
16:55have asked more
16:56questions.
16:57I could have been
16:58sharper with my
16:59inquiry.
17:00Before opening
17:01the door,
17:02I could have
17:03used a clearer
17:05lens
17:06and waited
17:07more patiently.
17:09Investigated
17:10more thoroughly.
17:11But I didn't
17:12do all that.
17:13Why?
17:13I hurried up.
17:14Why?
17:15Impatience.
17:16Where did that
17:17impatience come from?
17:18Desire.
17:19Desire.
17:20Oh.
17:22I got tempted.
17:24I got tempted.
17:25I got tempted
17:26and then I got
17:26hurt.
17:27Hurt.
17:32You get this?
17:34If you remember
17:35this,
17:35you will be
17:36a very free
17:37and a very
17:39strong individual
17:40all your life.
17:42And when
17:43you are
17:43internally not
17:44wounded,
17:45only then
17:45you can be
17:46loving.
17:48A person
17:49who is
17:50miserable
17:50inside,
17:51wounded
17:51inside,
17:52will only
17:53share his
17:54wounds
17:55to
17:55everybody.
17:58When you
17:59are healthy
17:59within,
18:01then you
18:01can be
18:02loving.
18:03Right?
18:04Yes.
18:22Thank you,
18:24sir.
18:24for such
18:25an insightful
18:25interaction.
18:27I am sure
18:28all of us
18:28sitting here
18:29have gained
18:29immense food
18:30for thought.
18:31After all,
18:31knowing and
18:32believing ourselves
18:33is the core.
18:34And with this
18:35belief,
18:36everything falls
18:36in place.
18:38And I request
18:39our Honorable
18:39Principal,
18:40Ma'am Shalu,
18:41to please come up
18:42and address the
18:42gathering.
18:46Namaste,
18:47Achare Prashanji.
18:49It was
18:50indeed an
18:51honor
18:51and very
18:53insightful
18:53for all of
18:55us sitting
18:55in the
18:56audience
18:56to hear
18:58your beautiful
18:59thoughts.
19:00And I
19:02must compliment
19:03the patience
19:04with which
19:04you answered
19:06each and
19:06every question
19:07and counter
19:08question.
19:09And I am
19:10sure you
19:10understand
19:11that every
19:12child sitting
19:13in the audience
19:14also had
19:14multiple
19:15questions.
19:16and even
19:17if you
19:17spend a few
19:18days with
19:19us,
19:19we can
19:20have a
19:21number of
19:21questions for
19:22you.
19:23So thank
19:24you so much
19:25and the
19:26entire MIS
19:27family is
19:29honored to
19:29have you
19:30here.
19:30And I am
19:31sure we
19:32will be
19:33reading your
19:33books.
19:34We will be
19:35reading more
19:35about you
19:36and whatever
19:37knowledge you
19:38have to share
19:39with all of
19:40us.
19:40The girls
19:41have gathered
19:42so much
19:43insight and
19:44the most
19:46important thing
19:47among all
19:49that you
19:49have said
19:50is the
19:51knowledge of
19:51I.
19:53Everything
19:54starts from
19:55knowing oneself
19:57inside out
19:58before we
19:59try to
20:00understand
20:01what is
20:02happening
20:02outside.
20:03So obviously
20:04we do not
20:05have a
20:06subject called
20:07I but it
20:08was a
20:08wonderful idea
20:09and I think
20:10we should
20:11speak more
20:13about
20:13your own
20:15self and
20:17one of the
20:18things which
20:18I want you
20:19to always
20:20remember is
20:20you are
20:21wonderful,
20:22you are
20:22amazing and
20:23you are
20:24beautiful
20:24children.
20:25You don't
20:26need external
20:27validation,
20:28you don't
20:28need the
20:29label from
20:30anybody.
20:31Believe in
20:32yourself,
20:32you are
20:33doing a
20:33great work
20:34and I am
20:35sure I saw
20:36some of you
20:37making notes.
20:38These notes
20:39are going to
20:39be your
20:40first step,
20:42your toolkit
20:42for building
20:43a life
20:44which is
20:45more meaningful,
20:47impactful
20:47and it
20:49adds value
20:50to yourself.
20:51Thank you so
20:51much for
20:52spending time
20:53with us
20:53and the
20:55MIS family
20:56is truly
20:57truly grateful.
21:02Thank you
21:03very much
21:03ma'am.
21:05Alright,
21:06now I think
21:07it's time
21:08to have
21:09a thank
21:10you to
21:10Achhariji
21:11for this
21:11insightful
21:12session.
21:13So,
21:14a big
21:14round of
21:14applause.
21:15applause
21:17applause
21:20.
21:22.
21:22.
21:22.
21:23.
21:25.
21:25.
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