00:02I started at work one day.
00:04Felt like I had to poop, but nothing would come out.
00:07Later on, as we were driving from Grand Blanc to my sister's house in Cleveland at Christmas time,
00:11the seat became very uncomfortable.
00:12I was having issues sitting.
00:15Going home a couple days later, I actually had to pull over on the turnpike
00:18and let my ex-wife drive because I just couldn't get comfortable.
00:21While Christmas Day comes, we're at the in-laws.
00:23I can barely get off the couch.
00:24Everything about my butt just hurts.
00:26Oh, yeah.
00:26But first thing the day after, my wife tells me, we're going to the ER.
00:30You got to have someone look at your butt.
00:32Apparently, it had a pararectal abscess, which the doctor told me they were going to have to lance open and
00:41drain.
00:43They took me into the secluded room in the ER, numbed me up.
00:47When they began to cut me, my dad, through closed doors at the end of the hall,
00:52heard me scream out in pain.
00:54He said he'd never heard a scream like that from anyone before.
00:58Keep in mind, I'm 6'2", 260 pounds, not a small, gentle type of guy.
01:03For the next week, I was in my own room at the hospital so they could continue to drain it.
01:08I was in so much pain that morphine wasn't cutting it.
01:12They had to give me the highest dosage amount of Dilaudid just to make me comfortable.
01:17Just put me down.
01:18I mean, not all the way down, but, you know, like, put me under.
01:21If I know I'm going to go through that much pain and they know too, just put me under, man.
01:27Needless to say, if I die from that, I die from that.
01:29Stop it.
01:30I was high as a kite and don't remember much of my time there.
01:32All in all, one of the most painful experiences of my life.
01:35And now I have a divot near my brown eye.
01:37Anyway, you make Uber driving tolerable.
01:40Love you guys.
01:41Yeah.
01:42You never know when just your body's going to start failing you.
01:45Your butthole just turned against him, you know.
01:48That could happen to any of one of us.
01:50No, more likely you, but.
01:52Yep, I agree.
01:52I don't wish that upon you.
01:53I agree.
01:54I do not wish a perirectal abscess.
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