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Amusant
Transcription
00:14Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:30...these gorgeous sofas, took business cards from a few elite tastemakers, and he selected...
00:37What, like a prize draw?
00:38No, like a talent pool. And I was chosen to receive this gorgeous complimentary set.
00:43You want a sofa?
00:44No, I networked a sofa to boost all my socials. It's Quid Quo Pro. Anyway, how are the kids?
00:51Good as gold. Though, Maris kept calling me bra. Is he a sexist now?
00:56No, it's short for brother-mother.
00:57Brother-mother?
00:58It's just what the kids say now.
01:00Anyway, I must dash. I'm meeting a man for... coffee.
01:05Oh!
01:06I've signed up to this very exclusive dating app, and honestly, I can't move for hot totty.
01:10Well, enjoy your coffee.
01:13It's not really coffee, darling.
01:16Yes, I know, mummy.
01:17Kids! Gang-gad's going now!
01:21Oh, such a magical age.
01:26Morning.
01:26Morning.
01:28Oh, well, I need a hand.
01:30Jack, quick as you can.
01:32Don't even argue.
01:33So when's the new one coming?
01:35Well, not for a few days, but I need to vacuum and touch up some scuffs.
01:39Well, let's get the cushions off first.
01:41Okay.
01:42All right, what's this?
01:44Slimy...
01:44Oh!
01:45Oh!
01:46Oh!
01:47Oh, my God!
01:49Is that a condom?
01:51Oh!
01:51I touched my face!
01:53Does my condom answer?
01:55Oh, not with the hairbrush!
01:58So gross!
01:59Oh, that was in your sofa!
02:01Amanda, that's foul.
02:02Oh!
02:03Whose is that?
02:04Could it be yours?
02:05No, Mal, I've been V-cell since Johannes.
02:08Voluntary celibate, just focusing on me and my needs.
02:11All right, well, it must be someone's.
02:14Oh, no shit, Shergar.
02:15Who else in this house is sexually active?
02:18Yeah, I'm sorry, Darius, but I really want to get a ticket.
02:20Hey, I could ask Danny, to be fair.
02:22Everything can be bought online.
02:24There's got to be a website.
02:25I've checked on the website.
02:26We can look somewhere else.
02:27I can't make sense here.
02:30All right, we either need to move this or put it down.
02:36Yeah, we're going to have to speak to her, aren't I?
02:37And get Anne to speak to Darius.
02:40Yeah.
02:41These things require a two-pronged approach.
02:43It's usually more of a one-pronged approach.
02:46Mal, this is serious.
02:48Well, there's 16 now.
02:49I think it's quite normal.
02:50So have you had the chat with Ned, then?
02:52Yeah, of course.
02:53Me and JJ divvied it up.
02:54I was communications with the opposite sex,
02:56and JJ was contraceptives.
02:58Basically, I was tactics, and JJ was the kit man.
03:01All right.
03:02There you go.
03:03Okay.
03:03What time are they coming to collect it?
03:06Who?
03:06I don't know, the council, or whoever you booked it with.
03:09No one.
03:10Mal, this is a very expensive sofa.
03:12Someone will take it.
03:13You can't just leave it in the streets.
03:15Why don't you stick it at a marketplace?
03:16Mal, I don't do Facebook because of my moral objections to Meta.
03:20It's a good job they don't own Instagram, isn't it?
03:22God, isn't it?
03:28Yes, you can just see it.
03:29Yes, it is.
03:30It's very nice.
03:31Yes.
03:31And you won that.
03:32No, I've networked it down because of my profile.
03:34Oh.
03:35And you just left the old one out on the pavement?
03:37Second life is pending.
03:39Yeah.
03:39Sure.
03:40If I dump a sofa, it's fly tipping.
03:42And if you do it, you're part of the secular economy.
03:45Well, I'm giving someone local the chance to own a piece of Chiswick quality furniture.
03:48It's actually very community-minded.
03:51Unless you want it for your homeless charity.
03:53Well, it's a food bank.
03:54And you can't eat a sofa.
03:57So, no.
03:58Stick it in a van if you want.
03:59Take it down the tip.
04:00That sofa has survived one marriage and two toddlers now.
04:03I think it deserves a better fate than the tip.
04:05All right.
04:06Honestly.
04:06I'll get snapped up any moment.
04:09You'll see.
04:11That was Della.
04:12She's on her last leg.
04:13She's dying.
04:14No, of her journey from Hawaii.
04:16We've got her back for the weekend.
04:18Well, some of it, anyway.
04:19Oh, so nice.
04:21Yeah, I can't wait.
04:22We'll have a stroll by the river.
04:24Spot of lunch.
04:24I found this ace gastropub that's dog-friendly.
04:27Thank you, ChatGBC.
04:28Who's Chatty Petey?
04:29No, it's ChatGPT.
04:33It's AI.
04:34Oh, yes, yes, that.
04:36Yeah, I think the kids put it on my phone, but I don't really trust it.
04:39I mean, Chris always laughs at me for saying please and thank you to Alexa,
04:43but at least when the computers take over,
04:45they'll have me down as one of the good humans,
04:47and they might spare me.
04:48From the first cull, at least.
04:49I mainly just ask it about pubs.
04:53But you can ask it about anything.
04:55It's dead good for advice.
04:57Felicity!
04:58Off the pitch!
05:00Oh, Mummy.
05:01Sorry I'm late.
05:03I met someone for coffee.
05:05You're actually starting to put me off coffee.
05:07Don't be a prude.
05:08You should get on this app, darling.
05:10No, me...
05:11No, it's a rich seam of solvent men.
05:14There's loads of them.
05:15Look, what do you think of him?
05:17Hmm, maybe a touch old, but, uh, yeah, why not?
05:21I'm game.
05:22No, he's the one I'm seeing.
05:24That's Coffee Man.
05:24Five shots last night
05:27and a quick aero-press this morning.
05:35Anne!
05:38Love's young dream really takes me back, you know.
05:41Me and Chris once kissed so hard when we were courting
05:44that I developed a pressure sore on my gum.
05:46Marvellous.
05:47I'm glad I got you alone, actually, Anne.
05:49I found an unwrapped condom in the house yesterday
05:52and, well...
05:54it's not mine, obviously.
05:56Yes, thank you, Anne.
05:58My point is, if it's not mine...
06:03Patrick here, Rosa.
06:04Oh, don't be ridiculous.
06:06They're only kids.
06:07Can you imagine getting down and dirty at 16?
06:13Oh, God, they're at it, aren't they?
06:14I don't know, Anne, but I think we need to talk to them,
06:16make sure they're armed with all the facts.
06:18Jesus.
06:19Chris is currently away in Vancouver, Canada.
06:21Right.
06:22This would have to happen when he's away in Vancouver.
06:24Canada.
06:24I know where Vancouver is, Anne.
06:26Yes, yes.
06:26I will talk to him.
06:27OK.
06:33OK, that's enough, Darius.
06:34Come on!
06:35Spaghetti hoops for tea!
06:41You see, I told you, you've opened the floodgates now.
06:45People see an abandoned city in the street, they think it's a dumping ground.
06:48Oh, you've finally been evicted.
06:49I'm trying to get rid of this old thing.
06:51He means the sofa.
06:52They're nice.
06:53Thanks, yeah.
06:54Della's back tonight, so I'm making an effort.
06:56Flowers.
06:57Nice Merlot.
06:58New razor.
06:59And some plug hole and blocker, because, you know, it's been a while.
07:03Sounds lovely.
07:04I mean, having Della back, not your...
07:06Well, I'm sure.
07:07Yeah, this is actually a decent sette.
07:10Yes, thank you.
07:11Yes, it is.
07:12Yes, see?
07:12People like it.
07:14Oh, no, Bobby.
07:15No, no, bad dog.
07:16Bad dog.
07:16That's horrid.
07:17I'm so sorry, Amanda.
07:18No one's going to want it now, are they?
07:20Excuse me?
07:21Yeah.
07:21So, is...
07:22Come on.
07:22Is that going begging?
07:23Yes.
07:25Yes, it is.
07:28Free to a good home.
07:29Amazing.
07:30Yeah.
07:33Thank you.
07:35Oh, dear.
07:39Oh, I'm exhausted.
07:40This is not an airport game.
07:42Oh, it's so good to be home.
07:45I'm dead.
07:48That's a much bigger dog in real life.
07:51He's licking my skin.
07:53He loves his other mermaid.
07:55Okay, right.
07:55Cuff up.
07:56Oh.
07:56We had a deal.
07:58Here you go, mate.
07:58I mean, come on.
07:59It's not 1985.
08:01Oh, yeah.
08:01Thank you.
08:02Okay, right.
08:03I'll see you guys later then, yeah?
08:04Where are you going?
08:05To buy drugs.
08:07It's a cinema.
08:09Oh.
08:11Out all evening at the cinema.
08:15Oh.
08:17Oh.
08:17Oh.
08:19Oh, I know.
08:20There was a reason to fly 7,000 miles.
08:25Oh!
08:26Oh, I'm so sorry.
08:28I've been letting him sleep on the bed while you were away.
08:31Oh, just kick him out and shut the door.
08:34No, because if I do that, he'll scratch at it all night.
08:37Let me just, um, let me get him settled downstairs.
08:40And I'll be right back.
08:41Okay.
08:44Georgie, sweetheart, could you have a little chat?
08:48It's just about you and Darius.
08:50Oh.
08:53Georgie?
08:55I was like 12.
08:57I think he did.
08:58Oh, my God.
09:00Um, excuse me.
09:01Does this look like a youth club?
09:03A bit.
09:04Could you just move along, please?
09:06She's serious.
09:07I hope you haven't scuffed my sofa.
09:10Come on, chew.
09:13Not you, Georgie.
09:18Now, then, right, right, right, right.
09:26Right, Georgie.
09:28Good.
09:31I think we might need to have a little chat.
09:33Oh, God.
09:34Gangun's dead.
09:34No, why would you think...
09:35Then why are you being weird?
09:37I'm not being weird.
09:37Yes, you are.
09:38Is Manners adopted?
09:39No, what?
09:41Nothing, but why Manners?
09:42Oh, my God.
09:43I'm adopted.
09:44No, no one's adopted or dead.
09:48It's more of a personal, um, no, intimate...
09:54This is now officially the weirdest moment of my entire life.
09:56No, it isn't.
09:57Stop saying that.
09:58I'm actually being really cool about this.
10:00About what?
10:01I would tell you, sweetheart, if you gave me half a chance.
10:04Mum!
10:04I found your condom in the sofa.
10:07Okay.
10:08That isn't how I wanted to say that.
10:11Um, I'm not angry, okay?
10:13I think it's absolutely fantastic that you're using protection.
10:16Yeah?
10:17I'm not having sex.
10:20Are you sure?
10:21Of course I'm sure!
10:22Okay, yeah.
10:26And you would tell me if you...
10:27Oh, my God.
10:28Why are you being so weird?
10:29Georgie!
10:30Yes, fine.
10:31Whatever.
10:31Can we just leave it now, please?
10:33Oh, that was so weird.
10:35It wasn't weird.
10:36Yes, it was.
10:41It wasn't your condom, then.
10:48And...
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