00:00How do you not spit it out yet?
00:05So today you're going to be doing a try not to laugh challenge except you're both going to have water
00:10in your mouth
00:14I'm gonna get soaked
00:17What do you call a cow with no legs?
00:20I don't know but if it's levitating, holy cow
00:28I've swallowed it, I'm sorry
00:34You're so sick minded
00:35I got mugged by six dwarves last night
00:45Let me try that one again
00:46I got mugged by six dwarves last night
00:48Not happy
00:57I once swallowed a bunch of synonyms
01:00It gave me the sorest throw up ever
01:06Sorry, that was my bad delivery
01:09The inventor of velcro has just died
01:11RIP
01:21The
01:21I heard a swallow
01:22Oh no!
01:26He's dribbling from the nose
01:31Take a minute
01:32Go for that
01:35I saw the priest at the gym today.
01:37He was exercising.
01:43In fact, he was doing CrossFit.
01:57A horse walks into a bar.
01:59The bartender says, hey.
02:00The horse says, yes, please.
02:03Oh, no.
02:06What did the drummer name his four daughters?
02:08Anna one, Anna two, Anna three.
02:15All right, ready?
02:24My wife blocked me on Facebook for posting too many bird puns.
02:27Well, two can play at this game.
02:35If any Star Wars fans out there know what Yoda's last name is, it's Lee-hee-hoo.
02:51Look at my face.
02:59I'm so sorry.
03:02I'm so sorry.
03:13Oh my god.
03:16A farmer asked me, can you help me round-
03:18Oh my god.
03:19I'm just-
03:19Sorry, I'm just-
03:20What?
03:26I'm so-
03:28You're so-
03:29I'm so-
03:29You're so-
03:30You're so-
03:30You're so-
03:35You're so-
03:46I used to think organ transplants were against the will of God, but I've since had a change
03:50of heart.
03:55Today was the worst day of my life.
03:57My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
04:06My mailman had a sex change, I guess you can call him a postman now.
04:26Postman.
04:35My boss said, we're doing a random test today.
04:38I said, that's fine, but I won't smoke ****.
04:53I told a joke on a team's meeting at work today, but nobody laughed.
04:57Turns out I'm not even remotely funny.
05:02Alright.
05:05My wife texted me, you're great, and I replied, no, you're great.
05:08She's been happy and smiling at me all weekend.
05:10I just corrected her grammar, don't need to be so excited.
05:15I was just gifted the worst thesaurus I've ever seen.
05:18Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
05:24Do you not get that one?
05:31My best friend who stutters died in prison today.
05:34Poor guy didn't even finish his sentence.
05:40My wife said, I'm pregnant.
05:42So I replied, hi pregnant, I'm dad.
05:44She said, no, you're not.
05:48At the airport, my friend suggested we disguise ourselves as luggage.
05:52I said, let's not get carried away.
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