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Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00I would like to go on record to say that this attack is both homophobic and untrustful.
00:00:05According to events, please report to the principal's office.
00:00:09This is a game's only event. Go home.
00:00:30I can't take it, all I want's right in front of you.
00:00:37I can't fake this, say what you mean, I wanna be with you.
00:00:53I know my shit's weird, and I live in the suburbs, and it's almost unnatural how lame I act around
00:01:01you.
00:01:01I need a chance to say what I mean, please do the same, I wanna be with you.
00:01:14I wanna be with you.
00:01:21I wanna be with you.
00:01:29I wanna be with you.
00:01:38I wanna be with you.
00:01:57I want to be with you
00:02:18I want to be with you
00:02:26I want to be with you
00:02:33I want to be with you
00:02:36I want to be with you
00:02:49A beautiful tender ode to his lover
00:02:52What a lucky girl the recipient must have been
00:02:56Excuse me, sorry, hi
00:02:57This poem isn't about a girl
00:03:00Of course it is
00:03:02Line six
00:03:03And often is his
00:03:05Gold complexion dimmed
00:03:07I'm afraid you're mistaken
00:03:09The pronoun refers to the sun's
00:03:11Traditionally masculine energy
00:03:13The sun is a ball of plasma
00:03:15You are literally gendering plasma
00:03:18Perhaps you're misunderstanding
00:03:20The literary traditions that influenced this piece
00:03:23Perhaps you are misunderstanding
00:03:25How gay Shakespeare was
00:03:28Homosexuality
00:03:29Was coined only in the 19th century
00:03:32Then how come it was criminalized in the 12th?
00:03:34Yeah, I don't think a lack of words
00:03:35Stopped anyone
00:03:36Were you alive in the 12th century, Ms. Mendez?
00:03:41I wish
00:03:41Imagine getting burned at the stake
00:03:44Goals
00:03:45I, for one, would be lobotomized
00:03:47If it makes any difference to you
00:03:49Shakespeare happily fell in love with a woman
00:03:52Nothing questionable
00:03:53Mr. Collins, have you ever been in love?
00:03:57Oh wait
00:03:58You're a high school English teacher
00:04:01When it comes to the most influential writers of romantic literature
00:04:04None of the greats are straight
00:04:06Walt Whitman, Sappho, Audre Lorde, Oscar Wilde, James Baldwin
00:04:11Just to name a few
00:04:13You know, the Soviets viewed gay sex as a luxurious product of capitalist culture
00:04:18How did they know it was so luxurious?
00:04:21Guess they had to stay warm somehow
00:04:24Are you done?
00:04:26Yeah
00:04:27Not at all
00:04:28You know, I think Mr. Collins is in love with William Shakespeare
00:04:31Not today
00:04:32And certainly not in the 17th century
00:04:35Well, they hired you in the 17th century by the looks of it
00:04:38Nice
00:04:39Where were we?
00:04:41Ah, sonnet 18
00:04:43Has everyone read through the poem in its entirety?
00:04:46The gay poem?
00:04:47It's not a gay poem
00:04:49A poem can't be gay
00:04:51And neither can he
00:04:54It's not gay
00:04:56Stop it
00:04:59Just admit
00:05:00K-pop
00:05:01K-pop
00:05:02K-pop
00:05:02Out!
00:05:27Do you need me?
00:05:32Any assistance, I mean?
00:05:34We're fine, thank you.
00:05:36That's a personal out on your box.
00:05:38Yeah, sure?
00:05:42We are here for Mr. Hale.
00:05:45Names?
00:05:46Gain.
00:05:47Ow.
00:05:48Quinn Goodman.
00:05:50Sarai, S-A-R, A-I, Mendez.
00:05:54Zell Amari.
00:05:57Cohen.
00:05:58First name?
00:06:00Their first name is?
00:06:01No.
00:06:01It's just Cohen.
00:06:05Bye.
00:06:06Sorry.
00:06:08It's Linda, right?
00:06:10No.
00:06:12Well, hi Linda.
00:06:14I'm Nikki.
00:06:15Um, and I would like to introduce you to Farwater High's Gay Straight Alliance.
00:06:20You have a Gay Straight Alliance?
00:06:27What was it this time?
00:06:28I would like to go on record to say that this attack is both homophobic and unjust.
00:06:34Oh, would that be as unjust as the time when you yelled, and I quote, this is a gays only
00:06:40in the event go home at the school musical.
00:06:44That is a baseless accusation.
00:06:47This is about the football team.
00:06:48I only set off those fireworks because they accused me of putting glitter in their body
00:06:51wash.
00:06:52Did you put glitter in their body wash?
00:06:53Yeah.
00:06:55What happened?
00:06:57Uh, Shakespeare was super gay.
00:06:59The subject of Sony 18 has long been undisputed.
00:07:01It was addressed to a young man and Mr. Collins should know that.
00:07:04Mr. Collins has taught at Farwater far longer than any of you have been around to complain
00:07:09about it.
00:07:09He wields a considerable deal of credibility.
00:07:13And none of your little conspiracy theories are going to change that.
00:07:16That's not a conspiracy theory.
00:07:18We've been clear from the start.
00:07:20Farwater has a three strikes you're out policy.
00:07:22This is GSA's third strike.
00:07:26So, I'm giving you a choice.
00:07:29Diversify your lineup or you're done.
00:07:35You're joking.
00:07:36Work straight, people.
00:07:38Play nice with them.
00:07:40Then your little club can stay.
00:07:45What exactly are you saying?
00:07:49Double your membership in two weeks.
00:07:52Stop disrupting our social functions and keep it down in our classrooms.
00:07:57You people need to pull yourselves together.
00:08:01Okay, look.
00:08:02Three thousand years ago, Shakespeare was born, right?
00:08:05And then he was a flaming homosexual.
00:08:10How is any of that our fault?
00:08:12Two weeks.
00:08:13That's not fair.
00:08:14The world isn't fair.
00:08:16Why don't you start with equal representation?
00:08:18It's hard coming from you.
00:08:20Get out of my office.
00:08:28Get out.
00:08:29He's been doing it too.
00:08:31I'm not too sick.
00:08:33No paying attention.
00:08:34I'm not a good nurse, but I'm not a kid.
00:08:38Hurts every time.
00:08:40I'm not dying.
00:08:45I'm just 360.
00:08:57I'm not dying.
00:09:09Someone is rushing out the front door
00:09:12To pick me up
00:09:15From their local department store
00:09:18And I guess that's fine, I guess that's fine
00:09:23I've been lying out of fear
00:09:26All these deals said
00:09:28They've been the same all year
00:09:33It's Black Friday
00:09:34And I'm so deep in love
00:09:37And you love, oh yeah
00:09:40I had a deal
00:09:41Quinn! Quinn!
00:09:43If you don't get out here, I'm gonna write an expose on you
00:09:47For Breitbart!
00:09:52Hey, cutie
00:09:53Hey baby
00:09:53So you're from Tennessee
00:09:55Because you're like a seven
00:09:57At best
00:09:58Rude!
00:09:59We gotta stop doing this
00:10:01Or someone's gonna think that we're dating
00:10:04What about my boyfriend?
00:10:06Okay, for a dollar, name a man you date
00:10:11I'm waiting
00:10:13You're gonna be thinking Chalamet?
00:10:15He's supposed to be cute, right?
00:10:16Yeah, he does maintain homeostasis
00:10:19Apparently
00:10:19Don't be hetero
00:10:22Do you think GSA will be cancelled?
00:10:24Way to lighten the mood
00:10:26I just think we should talk about it
00:10:27Good one
00:10:28For one, we shouldn't have scared away all the freshman gays
00:10:31Chanting sacrifice probably wasn't the best hazing ritual
00:10:33What did they want us to chant?
00:10:36We just need to relate to the kids more
00:10:38Like, what do you know about K-pop?
00:10:40Literally nothing
00:10:42Pyramid scheme
00:10:42What?
00:10:43My aunt's was Mary Kay
00:10:44The white one?
00:10:46Obviously
00:10:46Oh my god, I wish that were me
00:10:50Romeo and Juliet
00:10:52Through the centuries since its famed author graced our planet in the 1600s
00:10:58The classic telling of our world's finest romance
00:11:01Has captured the hearts of young men and women alike
00:11:04Please, turn to page 34
00:11:07Shh
00:11:09That's enough from this section of the room
00:11:11Thank you very much
00:11:15Who will be our Romeo?
00:11:19Romeo
00:11:19Wonderful
00:11:20Really living up to your name there
00:11:24And who will be our Juliet?
00:11:26Okay, Mr. Collins, it has to be me
00:11:28I've had her lines memorized since I was 10 years old
00:11:30I was lead
00:11:30Quinn?
00:11:32Ew
00:11:33It's acting, Quinn
00:11:37Oh, I hate to see you go
00:11:38But I love to watch you walk away
00:11:40I've never acted in my life
00:11:42I don't even realize what I'm going to say to you
00:11:44Yeah
00:11:46Lightly
00:11:55But soft
00:11:57What light through yonder window breaks
00:12:00It is the east
00:12:01And Juliet is the sun
00:12:02Arise, fair sun
00:12:04And kill the envious moon
00:12:06Who is already sick
00:12:06And pale with grief
00:12:12Quinn
00:12:20What's the east?
00:12:25It is the east
00:12:26It is the east
00:12:30And Juliet is the sun
00:12:32Arise, fair sun
00:12:34And kill the envious moon
00:12:36Who is already sick and pale with grief
00:12:38I don't even know if you're safe
00:12:46Quinn?
00:12:48Quinn?
00:12:56Yeah
00:12:56We're supposed to kiss now
00:13:00Legally
00:13:02He can't make us do that
00:13:04Well
00:13:05What did that, uh
00:13:07Performance?
00:13:08Show us
00:13:08That Quinn can't act for shit?
00:13:10False
00:13:11They acted straight for 12 years
00:13:12Oh, that's true
00:13:13What did you think of the scene, Quinn?
00:13:16It's a play
00:13:18Certainly
00:13:19Careful now
00:13:20Your little club is already on the line as it is
00:13:23Uh, thanks to you
00:13:25We have two weeks of immunity
00:13:26We attempted to free the class from your traditional constraints
00:13:30On societal teachings
00:13:31And
00:13:32We were rewarded
00:13:34Do you have a problem with me?
00:13:36Or is it with Shakespeare himself?
00:13:38Hey, Shakespeare wrote multiple plays that had to do with identity
00:13:41So how could he have done that without questioning his own?
00:13:46Take a seat
00:13:53Excuse me
00:13:54Excuse me
00:13:55Excuse me
00:13:56Excuse me
00:13:57Excuse me
00:13:58Oh, hi
00:14:00We're the Gay Straight Alliance
00:14:01You might have heard of us
00:14:02You know, we're massively influential
00:14:05You know, I don't usually work with groups
00:14:07We're very codependent
00:14:08Not really something to self-diagnose
00:14:10Come on, you're a counselor
00:14:11You must get the gays in here all the time
00:14:13The gays are very depressed
00:14:14That's tea
00:14:15It's not something I can really disclose about other students, though
00:14:18Um, have you met our matriarch?
00:14:21Quinn Goodman
00:14:22Fearlessly forged the Underground Gay Straight Alliance as
00:14:24Geography Club
00:14:26Taking the rest of us under their wing
00:14:28God, I love lesbians
00:14:29How did y'all meet Quinn?
00:14:31They're annoying
00:14:32Well, La Familia wanted me to find a good Colombian boy, but
00:14:36Y'all fuck that one up
00:14:38Oh, yeah, cause we love the straight survivor
00:14:41I have to kiss my Mila Kunis poser every night before I go to bed
00:14:45It's a ride, right?
00:14:46So, so did you all meet in Geography Club?
00:14:49More like the bathroom
00:14:50Yeah, we were seriously freaked out by all the pride flags
00:14:52And sought solace in the one gender-neutral bathroom
00:14:55Shockingly, we were the only ones in there that weren't dueling
00:14:57True
00:14:58And then, we got slushies
00:15:00That was a good day
00:15:02It's all over in two weeks anyway
00:15:04What's happening in two weeks?
00:15:05Clubs canceled unless we talk to straight people
00:15:08Why don't you wanna hang out with straight people?
00:15:11I don't know, disease?
00:15:12To save the club?
00:15:14Oh
00:15:16Wait, no, she has a point
00:15:18So, you're gonna fight for the club?
00:15:20I mean, I'm not busy
00:15:30Ladies, gentlemen, and those of you who know better
00:15:34Yes, Sarai
00:15:36I want a girlfriend
00:15:37Oh, honey, we know
00:15:38Listen up, we have two weeks
00:15:40To double our numbers
00:15:42I'm sure Mr. Hale must count it, so I'll just take attendance
00:15:46Sarai?
00:15:47I talked to you like two seconds ago
00:15:48Mickey?
00:15:48Where is Mickey?
00:15:50Grindr hookup went through
00:15:52Crying again?
00:15:54Yeah
00:15:54Zell?
00:15:55Here
00:15:55Cohen?
00:15:56Uh, Quinn?
00:15:57Yes, Cohen?
00:15:58Our school's gay-stray alliance has been around for three years
00:16:01We're its only members
00:16:02That is not true
00:16:04You in the back?
00:16:07Oh
00:16:08I'm just doing my homework
00:16:10I'm straight
00:16:13Please, please don't hurt me
00:16:14You don't have to say that, this is a safe space
00:16:18She's gone
00:16:22I have straight friends
00:16:26I could walk into that hallway right now and find a multitude of straight friends
00:16:33Okay, well why don't you go and get them?
00:16:36Fine
00:16:43Quinn
00:16:43Quinn
00:16:45Yeah?
00:16:45You know that woman who like lived with the monkeys?
00:16:48Uh-huh
00:16:49Well she said that to live in the wild you have to become the wild
00:16:55Are you saying what I think you're saying?
00:16:58We should become
00:16:59They matter like your style
00:17:19Kelsey Nielsen
00:17:20Softbush
00:17:21This is Stella from Lemonade Mouth Erasure
00:17:23She's played by Haley Kyoko, therefore our views are biased
00:17:26Now, Shane from Camp Rock, twunk
00:17:29Mmm, himbo king
00:17:30Shane was not a himbo
00:17:31If anything, Jason was
00:17:33This is early 2000's Jonas Brothers
00:17:34They're all himbos
00:17:36Both of you two assume they're not currently still himbos
00:17:38Okay, okay, okay
00:17:39Please, take out your phones for a cahoot
00:17:42Is everyone ready?
00:17:43The modern smartphone is just so bourgeoisie
00:17:45It's okay, Cohen
00:17:46We all know you have an android
00:17:48Quinn
00:17:49Quinn
00:17:50Are you forgetting something?
00:17:52Our club is set to collapse in 312 hours
00:17:54No one asked
00:17:55Feels like someone's avoiding this because someone's upset about someone's club collapsing
00:17:59GSA is not collapsing
00:18:01GSA is kinda collapsing
00:18:02We're smart, we can handle this
00:18:04Smart?
00:18:05Remember when we all forgot the word for horses?
00:18:07We called them big dogs for an entire week
00:18:10Okay, six days
00:18:12We just have to get inside the minds of the other
00:18:14Find out what they like
00:18:15What's like astrology but for straight people?
00:18:19Christianity?
00:18:19Oh, and the economy is like astrology but for straight men
00:18:22God, I did not come out just to have to be into stocks
00:18:25Wait, oh my god
00:18:27I got it
00:18:28The mother of all tropes
00:18:32He's in early 2000's movies?
00:18:33Being brutally murdered
00:18:34No, the other one
00:18:35Are you expecting us to know what you're talking about?
00:18:37No one ever knows what you're talking about
00:18:50You look gay
00:18:52You can't infiltrate street society if you're not cute
00:18:56You have flannel combat boots?
00:18:58You don't look at all like you enjoy 90's TV shows about witches
00:19:01Wait, you know we like
00:19:03Yeah, Sappho cause y'all are so slick
00:19:05Okay, can we review the plan?
00:19:06Yes
00:19:07One, we follow the headers around for a week
00:19:09Two, we draw them into GSA with our sheer magnetism
00:19:13Three, they bring their friends and boom
00:19:15And if anyone asks, this is not a pyramid scheme
00:19:20Three o'clock, girl and femme shirt
00:19:21Hey, hey, do you want a gay best friend?
00:19:25Sorry, I'm not, you know
00:19:27Your shirt
00:19:29Yeah
00:19:30Do you know what it means?
00:19:33Are you from business club?
00:19:35Do we look?
00:19:36No, we're the gay straight alliance
00:19:38And we are in danger of hate
00:19:40And she's gone
00:19:43This is hopeless
00:19:45GSA will collapse
00:19:47I'll never find love
00:19:48I'll have to marry a man
00:19:50Uh, Quinn?
00:19:51I'll probably hunt for sport
00:19:53Showtime
00:19:54You might have to listen to so much Red Hodge
00:19:56Hey
00:19:58Hi
00:20:00Um
00:20:02I'm lesbians and we're Quinn
00:20:06I mean, I'm Quinn and we're lesbians
00:20:08Um
00:20:10You knew that, it's on the poster, cool
00:20:12Uh, you want a form?
00:20:14Sure
00:20:17What, um
00:20:20What is the name you possess?
00:20:24I apologize and I will translate for them
00:20:26What is your name?
00:20:29Olivia
00:20:29Olivia
00:20:31Great name
00:20:32I had an aunt named Olivia
00:20:34She died
00:20:36From old age, she wasn't murdered
00:20:39Just fill that out and we'll get you fixed up
00:20:43Okay
00:20:44Thanks
00:20:50Are you alive?
00:20:52What?
00:20:53The low cut top, straight to the brain
00:20:57Did I just tell a hot girl about my dead aunt?
00:20:59Yep
00:21:01It's okay, she's probably not running away in terror, it's more like a light jog
00:21:05Why am I so gay?
00:21:07I ask myself that every morning
00:21:09What do I do?
00:21:11Have you ever considered becoming a cloistered nun?
00:21:13I feel like a vow of silence would do wonders for you
00:21:15It's not like you had a chance
00:21:17Totally straight
00:21:18Not straight
00:21:19She's definitely straight
00:21:20Go for that and you'll end up smothered in her mother's God bless this country cross stitch
00:21:24And what do we do about a girl with no chance of being gay?
00:21:28You walk away
00:21:29That's right
00:21:30Hey, don't worry
00:21:31Things will get easier when the restraining order comes in
00:21:42So basically if you just look at like ice skating
00:21:43Alright, take a name homo
00:21:45Spy erasure
00:21:49Bullshit
00:21:55Grant Fleming
00:21:56Oh my god
00:21:58Isn't he a furry?
00:21:59The one that got away
00:22:00The furry?
00:22:02Look
00:22:04Freshman year
00:22:05Homecoming
00:22:06Our eyes met from across the dance hall
00:22:10In the bathroom
00:22:11Our lips
00:22:13Touched
00:22:14Did he purr while you were making out?
00:22:17I've always wondered
00:22:19What if he stayed?
00:22:21You were ghosted by a furry
00:22:23You could have been in a relationship with a furry
00:22:26Okay, the love of my life
00:22:28Alright, here's the plan
00:22:29We make friends, spread our gospel like degenerate missionaries among straight society and then we eat cake
00:22:34I'm allergic
00:22:35It was a metaphor
00:22:40How interesting that you got paired with the hot girl
00:22:44Isn't fate magical?
00:22:45Don't give it up Casanova
00:22:47I have no idea what you're insinuating
00:22:49And yet, here we wait outside the field
00:22:52Do you want GSA to die in a fiery blaze?
00:22:55I care about GSA just as much as I care about the second-rate poetry that you will be writing
00:22:58when the straight girl breaks your heart
00:23:01I'm just picking her up
00:23:03From what exactly?
00:23:05Cheerleading
00:23:06I'm sorry I didn't catch that
00:23:07Cheerleading
00:23:08You're practically clipping your nails already
00:23:10I am not
00:23:12What did I tell you about straight girls?
00:23:14We don't know she's straight
00:23:15She's a cheerleader!
00:23:17Have you seen her nails?
00:23:18They're like towels
00:23:19Really?
00:23:20Not that it would matter to you
00:23:22Shut up, you know I'm in love with her
00:23:24That's what I'm saying
00:23:25You're in the deep end
00:23:26And not even the underpaid teenage lifeguard can save you
00:23:29What?
00:23:30I'm just saying
00:23:30First you're braiding her hair
00:23:32Then you're the bridesmaid at her wedding to Grant Fleming
00:23:35The furry?
00:23:35That's not my point
00:23:37Well she doesn't even listen to country
00:23:38They all listen to country
00:23:42Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
00:23:47I'm begging you please don't take my mail
00:23:53Uh, hi!
00:23:55Hi!
00:23:56I'm just gonna get it cleaned up and then we can go, okay?
00:24:00Yeah!
00:24:06Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
00:24:08Shut up!
00:24:16Hey
00:24:19Um
00:24:20Scone?
00:24:22Like in general?
00:24:24They have those
00:24:26What kind?
00:24:27A variety
00:24:31I'm a variety
00:24:33What?
00:24:34Uh, because
00:24:36Gay
00:24:37Oh, yeah, um, how's that going for ya?
00:24:42Well, I am not allowed in churches after seven, but otherwise it's aces
00:24:50So you want something?
00:24:52Do you want something?
00:24:56Like in life? Or from here?
00:24:59Either
00:25:03A muffin?
00:25:08Okay, um, well I'm gonna go get that and when I come back you can be not like this
00:25:27Hey! Jesus Christ!
00:25:29When's the U-Haul coming?
00:25:31She's so hot!
00:25:32She's definitely gonna break your heart
00:25:35Oh yeah, she would last until like at least the fifth week of The Bachelor
00:25:39She's not gonna break my heart
00:25:40Because she's straight
00:25:40Not what I meant
00:25:41Here's what we think
00:25:42You and Straight Girl are out on, say, a moonlit picnic
00:25:46Straight Girl suddenly finds herself looking deep into your eyes
00:25:51Straight Girl pictures your mid-level house in the suburbs with two kids lovingly adopted from foster care
00:25:56Oh, Straight Girl suddenly finds her heart beating just a little bit faster
00:26:02When you ask her out to prom, pick a good pun for the sign
00:26:05Nothing from Buzzfeed
00:26:06We know you're part of the Caucasoid race and everything, but we truly believe you're better than that
00:26:11Can I get back to my platonic date now, please?
00:26:14Of course! We believe in you
00:26:16Do we?
00:26:17Well, we think you're somewhat capable
00:26:22The newspaper's a terrible disguise, everybody knows gay people can't read
00:26:26Hold up, hey
00:26:31Hey
00:26:31Hi
00:26:34Do you ever think about how close we used to be?
00:26:36Do you ever think about how close you were to the best part of your miserable existence?
00:26:41You're not still hung up on the thing, are you?
00:26:44Cohen, I have no idea what thing you're referencing
00:26:47That time at the Pizza Hut
00:26:49I'm more of a Domino's guy
00:26:51When you and I at the Pizza Hut
00:26:53We've been to a lot of Pizza Huts
00:26:55When we kissed
00:26:57In the bathroom
00:26:58Oh
00:27:00No, not hung up at all
00:27:02Cool
00:27:03Cool
00:27:06You wanna go back to the school and play spot the queer with the freshmen?
00:27:08Oh, I'm sorry
00:27:10I thought we were already playing games
00:27:14Not hung up?
00:27:14Not at all
00:27:17Cool
00:27:18Cool
00:27:21So, if I were to tell you I had a boyfriend, you would say
00:27:25I hope he likes guys with tiny little pebble nipples
00:27:29Not hung up?
00:27:30Not hung up
00:27:32Cool
00:27:33Cool
00:27:54Cool
00:27:55Um
00:27:58That's very bad
00:27:59Yeah
00:28:01Yeah
00:28:02So now what?
00:28:03Uh, we talk
00:28:05Like normal people
00:28:06Oh, that seems difficult
00:28:09Um
00:28:10Favorite color?
00:28:11Dusty Rose
00:28:12So pleased to make your acquaintance protagonist from a One Direction fanfic
00:28:16Oh, so yours is so much better
00:28:19Maroon
00:28:20Maroon is a very gay color
00:28:21Colors can't be gay, what if it was my favorite color?
00:28:24I don't make the rules
00:28:25I guess that I thought my coming out would go a little bit differently
00:28:31I can be a disappointed father if you'd like
00:28:34Maybe later
00:28:36Later?
00:28:37Yeah, like when it's 2am and we're looking up at the stars
00:28:41The two of us?
00:28:43The universe holds infinite possibilities
00:28:47Um
00:28:48So, in your alternate alternate universe, um, what would we be doing right now?
00:28:57Well, everything would be exactly the same, except those two people behind me wouldn't be watching us
00:29:05You noticed!
00:29:06Yeah, when I sat down
00:29:07Cool
00:29:08What did you tell them about me?
00:29:09Um, I
00:29:10If you don't tell me, it's homophobia
00:29:12You're not gay
00:29:14Infinite possibilities
00:29:16Okay, um, fine, yeah
00:29:17I
00:29:18Told them I was hanging out with my gay best friend
00:29:22Person, um
00:29:24Who was a
00:29:27Pretty cheerleader
00:29:28Oh, but who's the pretty cheerleader?
00:29:33Wait, am I the pretty cheerleader?
00:29:36That's gay
00:29:37Infinite possibilities
00:29:39Okay
00:29:40So, uh, what would we be doing right now if we were gay?
00:29:44We're like, ten minutes in?
00:29:47About the time you'd be calling my therapist
00:29:50Gay's second base is just, like, telling them all of your repressed traumas
00:29:54Well, what if you don't have any repressed traumas?
00:29:56Oh, come on, all gays are repressed traumas
00:29:59Hm
00:30:02What's straight first base?
00:30:04I wouldn't know
00:30:05Oh, no boy toy?
00:30:07Yeah, none worth mentioning
00:30:10It is so hard to find a good man these days
00:30:12But yet, it's so easy to find a gay best friend
00:30:16Hey!
00:30:17I'm not complaining
00:30:20Um, I should tell you, you are supposed to invite your friends to come to-
00:30:25Oh, to come to the wedding?
00:30:27What, what?
00:30:28The wedding
00:30:29In the alternate universe
00:30:31Wedding
00:30:32In an alternate
00:30:33Who's getting married?
00:30:35We are
00:30:39Um, thank you for the muffin
00:30:58So, JK Rowling being a TERF is actually really surprising
00:31:02Considering that every single character from Harry Potter is trans
00:31:05Get into it
00:31:06Ron
00:31:07Trans
00:31:08Hermione
00:31:09Trans
00:31:10Dobby
00:31:11Say them king
00:31:12Everybody except for Snape, he's cis, we don't want him
00:31:14Well, um, thank you
00:31:16Are we thankful for that?
00:31:18I've made a counter presentation refuting all of your points
00:31:22Happy to present whenever
00:31:24Well, I mean, you spoke for a segment of time
00:31:26First of all, why is the cis girl commenting on my good trans powerpoint?
00:31:30Second of all, at least my ass isn't plywood inspired
00:31:33Sick burn, bro
00:31:34Cohen, I would never say that to you if you think your ass is very weird
00:31:37Can we talk about how my straight best friend is a furry?
00:31:39How can he be my straight best friend if he's a furry?
00:31:42Furries can be straight, I think
00:31:44Yeah, don't be intolerant
00:31:45Like a bug furry?
00:31:46What is that?
00:31:47I need a convenient place to store my pocket dictionary
00:31:50Fanny pack? That's disgusting
00:31:52When you need a Clif Bar, you'll be sorry
00:31:53Nerd!
00:31:54Seven days
00:31:55I have met with
00:31:57Olivia
00:31:58My gay best friend
00:31:59Person
00:31:59What have you guys done?
00:32:01Oh girl
00:32:01We all know what you've done
00:32:04Shut up
00:32:05Can we stop talking about Quinn's pathetic life
00:32:07And acknowledge the fact that my furry
00:32:09Has been responding to the corporate Netflix Twitter account
00:32:12With his opinions on movies?
00:32:14Okay, that's nothing
00:32:15My guy plays soccer
00:32:17So
00:32:29Hello?
00:32:29Pick up your real phone, dingus
00:32:31Hello?
00:32:32Oh
00:32:36Hey, what's up?
00:32:38There was...
00:32:39There was Axe body sprayed and kept going on and on about his drone fixing business?
00:32:43His name was Kyle
00:32:44Oh my god
00:32:45He's my straight best friend, you know, for the program
00:32:48I told him that I was bi, which he found in his words, hot
00:32:52Ew
00:32:52He won't stop hitting on me, so I told him that I already had a boyfriend
00:32:57Wait, you have a boyfriend?
00:32:58You
00:33:00The term gay man must mean very different things to me
00:33:04Come on, just one party
00:33:06I don't do straight parties
00:33:08Besides, nobody's gonna buy us as a couple
00:33:10Hey, it worked in that one movie
00:33:12Do you mean to all the boys I loved before featuring Noah Centineo in his breakout role as Peter Kavinsky?
00:33:18God
00:33:18I would let that man run me over in his family friendly honesty
00:33:22Anyways
00:33:24It'll be fun
00:33:25Or it'll be Jeremy from Bio who still dead names me
00:33:29Not with alcohol
00:33:31Please
00:33:32I just don't know if I want to puke Bud Light into Kyle's mom's wedding china that badly
00:33:38Hey, you know Grant Fleming will be there
00:33:40You mean the man who stomped on my 14 year old heart?
00:33:44The furry
00:33:46This isn't a party anymore
00:33:49This is the Olympic ice skating finals and I am Tonya Hardy
00:33:54Wasn't she on like a lot of drugs?
00:33:57No!
00:33:57Are you?
00:33:59God, just pick me up at 8
00:34:04Hello?
00:34:16Did your mom ever tell you not to go into the forest with white kids?
00:34:20I don't care how you got my number
00:34:22Just keep talking
00:34:24I went to see an Imagine Dragons cover band
00:34:27And...
00:34:27Long story short
00:34:28I am behind a 7-11 right now with a dude named John and I need a bailout
00:34:33Now you're just expecting me to be at your beck and call?
00:34:35Yes
00:34:36I am incredibly hot
00:34:37Give me five minutes
00:34:39Love you
00:34:44Careful what you wish for
00:34:48You said this was a house party
00:34:49I came dressed for a house party
00:34:51This is a spody
00:34:53I'm gonna get so many bucks
00:34:54Wait
00:34:57Hold my hand
00:34:58No, not church style
00:35:01I don't look at the fingers
00:35:01Ew
00:35:06You again
00:35:07Who are you guys?
00:35:09Zell?
00:35:11Mickey?
00:35:12Alk?
00:35:13It exists
00:35:13Why are you here again?
00:35:16To show Grant Fleming what he's missing, obviously
00:35:18We're Kyle's friends
00:35:20Kyle isn't friends with, you know, girl
00:35:28Straight girls are so easy
00:35:30Do you wanna dance?
00:35:31Not even a little bit
00:35:36Oh my god, it's him
00:35:37You okay?
00:35:38Look at him
00:35:39Every bit as twinkie as Frosty
00:35:42Oh god
00:35:43Uh
00:35:44Uh
00:35:45Uh
00:35:45Uh
00:35:46Consent
00:35:47Whatever
00:35:48Mmm
00:35:51Hi
00:35:52Grant
00:35:54Huh?
00:35:55It's me
00:35:56Mickey
00:35:57You know, from freshman year homecoming
00:36:00Uh huh
00:36:01Uh huh
00:36:02See you later Grant
00:36:14Hey
00:36:14Follow along
00:36:15Okay?
00:36:18Oh my god
00:36:19I can't believe you're here
00:36:22Is that Susan?
00:36:26Yes
00:36:26It is I
00:36:28Susan
00:36:32Okay, great
00:36:33So now that my girl is here
00:36:35I think we're gonna go
00:36:37Just go
00:36:38Yeah
00:36:40Wait
00:36:40Give me twenty dollars
00:36:41I wanna get some weed
00:36:52Then change
00:36:53Go, go, go, go
00:36:55Go, go, go, go
00:36:58Skpo
00:36:58Go, go, go, go
00:36:59Go, go, go
00:37:00That's holy
00:37:00Ah ha ha
00:37:04Sorryimi
00:37:05Woo
00:37:05Yeah
00:37:06Oh
00:37:20I can't believe you gave him 20 bucks for me.
00:37:23It was a dollar.
00:37:25Wait, how long until they find out?
00:37:27Me? A minute.
00:37:29Straight boy, at least 24 hours.
00:37:35Hey, um, thank you for saving me.
00:37:40Pretty cool of you.
00:37:42Someone else to rescue in five minutes.
00:37:44Really?
00:37:45No.
00:37:46Oh.
00:37:52Fun fact time.
00:37:56Fun fact time?
00:37:58Yes.
00:38:00This is the time where I'd tell you a fun fact.
00:38:06The atoms within Julius Caesar's last breath are near us right now.
00:38:10Atoms move so fast that you can never really be far from anyone.
00:38:13Dad, it's no fun fact.
00:38:14Hey, actually, can you stop here?
00:38:15Huh?
00:38:16Yeah, right here.
00:38:17I want to swing.
00:38:19You are such a cliche.
00:38:21They do this in, like, every gay movie.
00:38:23Good thing this isn't a gay movie.
00:38:27There aren't even swings.
00:38:32Come on.
00:38:33Wait.
00:38:33Yep.
00:38:34Yep.
00:38:34We're going up.
00:38:37Come on, Quinn.
00:38:38For children.
00:38:39Are you a child?
00:38:39Quinn, please.
00:38:40Please come up, Quinn.
00:38:41Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn.
00:38:43Are you a child?
00:38:44No, come on.
00:38:44It'll be fun.
00:38:45It'll be so much fun.
00:38:47Quinn.
00:38:48Come on.
00:38:49It'll be a chicken.
00:38:51You shut up.
00:38:54I'm not a chicken.
00:38:55Come on, chicken, Quinn.
00:38:58Come on, down the side.
00:38:59Down the side.
00:38:59Down the side.
00:39:01It's a two-person side.
00:39:02Come on.
00:39:03Yeah, okay.
00:39:03Come on, come on, come on.
00:39:04Yeah, okay.
00:39:15Okay, okay, okay.
00:39:16Okay, okay, okay.
00:39:24You should go talk to her.
00:39:26Hey, I don't talk to girls.
00:39:28I just look.
00:39:29If you had jeans on, they would already be comfortable.
00:39:32Fine.
00:39:33Just go.
00:39:34But if anything goes wrong ever, it's your fault.
00:39:37Uh-huh, okay.
00:39:42Hey, listen.
00:39:43I know we haven't talked much since, well, freshman year.
00:39:46But I've thought about it a lot.
00:39:50Stop.
00:39:51Stop.
00:39:51What?
00:39:52I'm already in love with somebody.
00:39:54Just go.
00:39:55Just go.
00:40:00Oh, shit.
00:40:01How is she?
00:40:02About as great as family holidays.
00:40:05Do you need me to kiss it better?
00:40:06Hey, I may be bi, but I'm not that bi.
00:40:09Okay.
00:40:10Drink?
00:40:12Drink.
00:40:12This is empty.
00:40:14I know, right?
00:40:30See?
00:40:31Not so bad.
00:40:32No.
00:40:35That was fun.
00:40:36Yeah.
00:40:55Look.
00:40:56Huh?
00:40:58Up there.
00:41:02Oh.
00:41:04That.
00:41:13So, fun fact time.
00:41:16Yeah.
00:41:20Adams travel everywhere.
00:41:21You can never be far from anyone.
00:41:24Then, aren't you never really close to anyone?
00:41:29Well, the point is that you can have everything all at once.
00:41:34What if you want something more specific?
00:41:40What?
00:41:44Anything specific you want to be close to?
00:41:46What if you want to be close to someone not so far from you?
00:41:55Caesar's good.
00:42:02But I like where I am now.
00:42:06Is that okay?
00:42:09Yeah.
00:42:11That's okay.
00:42:17Me too.
00:42:26Mickey.
00:42:28Yes, Sugar Bear.
00:42:29He's coming.
00:42:31Oh, shit.
00:42:32How did you love birds, me?
00:42:34We were at a...
00:42:35Student council.
00:42:36Student council.
00:42:36Aren't you gay?
00:42:38Aren't you?
00:42:40I'm Catholic.
00:42:41Oh, me too.
00:42:43Yeah, no.
00:42:43Every day I hit up my boy, J-C.
00:42:47You know how it is.
00:42:48I sure do.
00:42:51The only thing I love more, of course, is my woman right here.
00:42:57I don't believe you.
00:42:58What do you mean?
00:43:00I sold my soul to our Lord and Savior.
00:43:02No, I mean you two.
00:43:04As a couple.
00:43:05We do it.
00:43:07All the time.
00:43:09Prove it.
00:43:10Ew.
00:43:11Kiss.
00:43:11Oh, okay.
00:43:13Excuse me.
00:43:14Come here, my little tiny bunches of oats.
00:43:18My health brand pop tart.
00:43:24Yeah, I don't believe that.
00:43:25Okay, fine.
00:43:28We pretended to be a pebble so that I wouldn't have to go out with you.
00:43:34I'm sorry.
00:43:35Oh.
00:43:36Oh, you are a real big muscle quarterback type, aren't you?
00:43:43How's your strained relationship with your father and his unattainable ideals of masculinity?
00:43:50Why would you even date him?
00:43:51We're not dating.
00:43:52So you wouldn't date me?
00:43:53Yes.
00:43:54You could have just told me.
00:43:56You would think that, wouldn't you?
00:43:58I'm going to kick your ass.
00:44:00Excuse me?
00:44:01I'm going to kick your ass.
00:44:04Splendid.
00:44:05Okay, then.
00:44:06We're going to go.
00:44:08Have a great summer.
00:44:11See you in macroeconomics.
00:44:14You.
00:44:15You know, you really need to give the left hand a break.
00:44:19You are going to get carpal tunnel.
00:44:22Seriously.
00:44:36Hey.
00:44:38Hi.
00:44:39Uh, your mom let me in.
00:44:41So, all of our friends are hanging out without us.
00:44:44I thought maybe you and I could hang out.
00:44:47And I made banana bread.
00:44:49You made banana bread.
00:44:50What?
00:44:51I like to bake.
00:44:52I thought you just, like, read theory and painted your nails.
00:44:55I contain multitudes.
00:44:58Okay.
00:44:58Let's get this bread.
00:45:00What?
00:45:02You know, like, nevermind.
00:45:04We never hang out alone.
00:45:07Well, that's a shame.
00:45:08I'm very fun.
00:45:09No, you're not.
00:45:10Well, I can be.
00:45:11Okay, then why don't we hang out?
00:45:13I don't know.
00:45:14We don't really have that much in common.
00:45:16Yeah, we do.
00:45:17Okay, name one thing.
00:45:18We both like banana bread.
00:45:21Yeah.
00:45:23And neither of us are out to our parents.
00:45:26Oh, you're not?
00:45:27No.
00:45:28Oh.
00:45:29I'm sorry.
00:45:30I didn't know that.
00:45:32Neither are you.
00:45:34Closet buddies.
00:45:37I feel like people should have known that I was a non-binary pansexual when I came out as a
00:45:44vegan.
00:45:45Yep.
00:45:48Yeah, my mom definitely thinks you're my boyfriend.
00:45:51Isn't that bad?
00:45:52No.
00:45:53She's been pushing for it for a while.
00:45:55She's probably going to bring up snacks in a minute.
00:46:01So...
00:46:03Banana bread.
00:46:07Multitudes.
00:46:17Does this ever just feel like a little too much to you?
00:46:22What do you mean?
00:46:27It's like...
00:46:28The kids at that party last night.
00:46:31They just live in their own little world, don't they?
00:46:35It's so beautiful and clean and white there.
00:46:41And the two of us...
00:46:44We're never getting in.
00:46:50Yeah.
00:46:56You're in love with Cohen, right?
00:46:59That's why you didn't go after Grant?
00:47:03Yeah.
00:47:12You know, if we were straight, we could just drive to school every day.
00:47:17Shut up.
00:47:27As promised, a comprehensive man hit list.
00:47:30Source.
00:47:30I'm a lesbian and I'm tired.
00:47:32It's misandry.
00:47:33Cohen, I think the day you learned to read society, you just got worse in general.
00:47:40Okay, as the only man here, I just feel like this PowerPoint is, like, really offensive.
00:47:45Some boys are excluded.
00:47:46Oh, okay, then.
00:47:47Love you, queen.
00:47:48You're late.
00:47:49Okay, I know I said we could do the hit list today, but I just got the results back from
00:47:52our survey from all of our straight best friends.
00:47:55I made a graph.
00:47:56Gay people can't make graphs.
00:47:57Rude.
00:47:58Okay, fine.
00:47:58You can do your little Microsoft Excel project if you give us two hits and two spares.
00:48:03Uh, hit your dad, the Beatles.
00:48:07Spare, Mr. Brightside, and then that one Japanese YouTuber who makes knives out of random objects.
00:48:11Go ahead.
00:48:12I love you.
00:48:14Oh, my God.
00:48:16Oh, look.
00:48:17I turned out my parents' love after I came out.
00:48:19This is not good.
00:48:21This is bad.
00:48:23It's very bad.
00:48:25My straight best friend tried to take me to church the other day.
00:48:28How'd you get through the door without burning?
00:48:30I have to be seen in public with a furry.
00:48:32At least you didn't have to kiss said furry.
00:48:34Honestly, I'm kind of excited.
00:48:35I've been studying.
00:48:36You expect us all to have straight best friends.
00:48:38Why do you think I'm here?
00:48:39Didn't you say Jesus was a pansexual?
00:48:42He had personal relationships with billions of people.
00:48:44It's kind of slutty.
00:48:45I bet you could rival him in terms of Grindr.
00:48:48Just because Kyle told you I was recruiting.
00:48:50Cohen?
00:48:50I would be your straight best friend if I could.
00:48:52Okay, everyone, can you just hear me out?
00:48:55Alternate plan.
00:48:57PTA sugar daddy.
00:48:58My dad's on the board, so...
00:48:59Oh, yeah, I saw him at the pool.
00:49:00Mickey, Cohen, just kiss hetero ass for a week straight, then we can go back to this being
00:49:09a gays-only event.
00:49:12Get it?
00:49:13Straight?
00:49:14Seriously?
00:49:16It's not funny.
00:49:17What?
00:49:18Didn't laugh.
00:49:19It's not funny.
00:49:20That was fun.
00:49:21It's not funny.
00:49:22True.
00:49:24Do better.
00:49:29Mickey?
00:49:30Well, hello there.
00:49:31You said you had cake.
00:49:34We have a serious problem.
00:49:36The cake, Mickey?
00:49:36Where's the cake?
00:49:37We have pressing issues.
00:49:39Is this about the Pizza Hut thing?
00:49:41Yeah, it's about the...
00:49:43Wait, how do you know about that?
00:49:44I'm well connected.
00:49:47Cohen put it in group chat.
00:49:49Yeah, why am I here?
00:49:50Because you, my dear girl, have a chance to change the course of history.
00:49:56By letting you lose your virginity?
00:49:57Okay, that is so out of pocket.
00:49:59Whatever happened to Grant Fleming?
00:50:00He's a furry next question.
00:50:01You really think Cohen likes you?
00:50:02Let's look at the facts.
00:50:06Oh my god, you're a serial killer.
00:50:08August 23rd.
00:50:09Cohen and I shared our first romantic moment.
00:50:13August 24th, 8.50 a.m.
00:50:15Cohen tweets out, rise and grind, with two heart emojis instead of one.
00:50:19August 24th, 2.13 p.m.
00:50:22Thanks.
00:50:23The haircut of heartbreak.
00:50:25August 25th, 3.02 a.m.
00:50:28Cohen text me, you up?
00:50:30Oh, I was up all right.
00:50:31See, I have chronic insomnia.
00:50:34You should not have ended with that.
00:50:36Help me.
00:50:37Why?
00:50:38Because I love them.
00:50:39You can't just, like, talk to them.
00:50:41Oh, wow.
00:50:41I'd never thought of that before.
00:50:43What?
00:50:45I need you.
00:50:47Ask nicely.
00:50:48Please?
00:50:49You know, all of a sudden I can't help but think about summer of 2018.
00:50:54Oh, god.
00:50:55Don't make me say it.
00:50:56Hey, you want my help or not?
00:50:58Fine.
00:50:59Summer of 2018, I, you know what I did.
00:51:02What did you do, Mickey?
00:51:05I clogged all the toilets in the Mendez family cabin.
00:51:10Ah, your sadness compels me.
00:51:14Go.
00:51:15Chapter one.
00:51:17Star-crossed lovers.
00:51:19Actually, Zell!
00:51:22Two minutes.
00:51:41So, Jennifer is sacrificed by indie boy band dudes, symbolizing how both men and indie music are gross.
00:51:50So, her inner demons are being freed from the constraints of patriarchy.
00:52:00It's also gay.
00:52:00I love how Jennifer is portrayed as both the demon and also the victim of her own hyper-sexualization.
00:52:08That is also, you know, super gay.
00:52:14Mommy!
00:52:15You know, I actually think that Jennifer's body is truly the defining classic of our generation.
00:52:20Say that in front of a straight boy and you will get a copy of Fight Club in your spleen.
00:52:24I could take them.
00:52:26Why?
00:52:27Well, I went to an Imagine Dragons concert once, and I actually got sacrificed by a dude who is, like,
00:52:32mid-level famous on Reddit now.
00:52:34I did see your emancipated figure on an incel phone once.
00:52:48God, I love this movie.
00:52:51Megan Fox is literally a hot demon who kills men.
00:52:54That's the dream.
00:53:10So, um, when's the scene?
00:53:13What scene?
00:53:14Oh, you know, the scene with Nidia and Jennifer.
00:53:16The fridge?
00:53:18No.
00:53:19Um, the kiss.
00:53:22Oh.
00:53:25I always liked it.
00:53:27Yeah, me too.
00:53:27Yeah, cool.
00:53:31Hi.
00:53:34Hi, needy enough with the screaming.
00:53:36You're such a cliche.
00:53:39But we always share your bed when we have slumber parties.
00:53:44But we always share your bed when we have slumber parties.
00:53:50I'm not going to bite you.
00:53:51I'm not going to bite you.
00:53:56That's so bad.
00:53:57Who's that?
00:54:00Is that my Evil Dead t-shirt?
00:54:04Hell is a teenage girl.
00:54:24How are you scared?
00:54:29How are you scared?
00:54:36I don't know what to do with my hands.
00:54:44I don't know what to do with my hands.
00:55:02I don't know what to do with my hands.
00:55:32take a seat where's mithy where avian bird flew how is he getting you to agree to this agree to
00:55:39what come on you're smart you want to kiss your best friend in the pizza bathroom what's he giving
00:55:45you he just he's so sad okay guilt cannot be exchanged for goods or services he had a cork
00:55:52board everyone knows the case don't apply themselves full name don't make me say it
00:55:59romeo huntington cohen sorry didn't catch that romeo huntington cohen how anglo-saxon parents
00:56:07met at a doomsday prepper dimension is it correct that on august 23rd you kissed mickey mcpherson
00:56:13what that's his that's his real name did you or did you not kiss him i i i may have
00:56:20after
00:56:21i finished my garlic nuts no yearning none then you won't deny that on august 24th you got fangs
00:56:28classic marker of a mental breakdown what are you getting at on august 23rd you shared an intimate
00:56:33moment with mickey mcpherson on august 24th you did not call him and you got bangs could it be
00:56:39possible something happened over those two days to drive the decision what's it to you pizza hut
00:56:46at night the whole thing reeks of intricate rituals okay objection circumstantial did you
00:56:53year never say i i i may have yearned oh so i don't want to do anything about it why
00:57:00not i don't know
00:57:01zell i'm emotionally unavailable i i i i'm named after a guy who famously kills himself i don't thrifting
00:57:10it's just a whole lot of red flags you're an idiot i don't think i already know that
00:57:17close the door on your way out
00:57:35do i know you yeah the whole straight best friend thing you gave us your email so what is your
00:57:41fursona
00:57:42do you want to get something to drink no i don't drink so um when did you start showing signs
00:57:47we
00:57:47supposed to be getting to know each other isn't that the whole point of this thing okay fine um my
00:57:52favorite color is purple sagittarius sun aries moon labor rising so is there like a place where all of
00:57:57you meet up i'm leaving wait i made flashcards
00:58:11cohen's not here i'm here for you
00:58:18oh
00:58:21are you okay why um because you're sitting alone in a classroom staring at the wall
00:58:29i've just been thinking
00:58:32you know that girl from the other night yeah the one you talked to at the party i didn't actually
00:58:38talk to
00:58:42her
00:58:43what if she knows knows knows what that i'm like this
00:58:50what if she knows and she tells everyone
00:58:55i i don't follow
00:58:58remember when you were a kid and you'd fall and cut yourself
00:59:02and you'd have this big scar
00:59:06and you just keep picking at it because you didn't know any better
00:59:11i think i'm the scar and everyone just keeps poking it because why wouldn't they
00:59:20so no you're not look at us mickey you said it yourself at the party we're not like them
00:59:29i just woke up this morning and thought everyone can see it
00:59:35you know look just come distract yourself with us we're making a list of all of the homoerotic
00:59:42moments in great gatsby so we can annoy mr collins any normal teenager could just go to a party
00:59:46why can't i do that let's get you out of here okay i'm i'm just sitting just let me sit
00:59:59okay can i sit with you
01:00:27i feel it too
01:00:30inside the gray
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01:03:30gay ones sure did they were never during the day though and they never had a happy ending
01:03:41we'll be different
01:03:46i never wanted to be different
01:03:52of course
01:03:55you're a cheerleader
01:03:58people expect expect what i think i should go
01:04:09see ya
01:04:22hey mom
01:04:25hola mi vida how was your afternoon it was good i just hung out with a friend
01:04:33what friend his name's grant fleming oh who is grant fleming just a friend
01:04:43i don't know you no no no
01:04:48oh i was excited
01:05:04mom
01:05:15no quiero un novio
01:05:19what
01:05:28quiero una novia
01:05:37soy gay
01:05:45i'm gay
01:05:53say something
01:05:57please
01:06:10what will the relative say
01:06:12i don't care
01:06:16get dressed
01:06:20we're going to church
01:06:21we're going to church
01:06:24we're going to church
01:07:02so god so loved the world
01:07:06that he gave his only son
01:07:09what will you give
01:07:12what is your sacrifice
01:07:21hey hey
01:07:25did your mom
01:07:26it's my fault
01:07:28i shouldn't
01:07:29i shouldn't have
01:07:31weapon yourself
01:07:32you know what i mean
01:07:33to show our love
01:07:35for one another
01:07:37for ourselves
01:07:40sorry father
01:07:47degenerates
01:07:59i memorized all the lyrics to hail mary
01:08:01and if i get them wrong
01:08:03do you think they'll notice
01:08:04there are no lyrics in him
01:08:06i'm supposed to know that
01:08:08only he knows
01:08:10what is our true sacrifice
01:08:19what is our life measured by
01:08:22is it possible
01:08:24that what god meant
01:08:25when he gave up his son
01:08:27is that it is measured
01:08:29by what we give
01:08:31by what we give to others
01:08:34if you don't get kicked out
01:08:35for the swearing
01:08:35or just the fact that i'm jewish
01:08:38this is a church
01:08:39they can't kick you out
01:08:40well if they can't
01:08:41you're the first to go
01:08:43mean
01:08:45accurate but mean
01:08:47can we stop kneeling now
01:09:04gender was created by the cia
01:09:06the cia isn't responsible for your daddy issues co is
01:09:09okay but regardless
01:09:11the construct of gender came from undercover investigations
01:09:13and programming investments then became the dashes dashes of the morse code
01:09:17and here we are in america's binary culture it's all a product of the very best size of the era
01:09:23why is it always world war one with you
01:09:25why can't it ever be colonization
01:09:28it's almost always colonization
01:09:31you know what mommy issues
01:09:34daddy issues
01:09:36maybe someday when we get rid of gender
01:09:38we're all just gonna have issues you know
01:09:41hey does anyone have any quarters
01:09:42i'm gonna play toxic till we get kicked out
01:09:44hmm wait no
01:09:46you should play the chain smokers
01:09:48that way it's like reverse queerbaiting you know
01:09:51da da da da da da white girl music
01:09:54oh no
01:09:57hey do you want to go dance
01:09:59all right but like two feet apart nothing weird
01:10:02sick
01:10:08you good
01:10:10i just got broken up with
01:10:13so you know
01:10:17dad my mom just rejected me cinnamon rolls are good
01:10:22on tuesday there might not be any more gsa
01:10:25just another day in the game
01:10:34should we dance
01:10:35yeah
01:10:48oh
01:11:12my mom texted how is it she
01:11:19she said that she is still adjusting but loves me no matter what
01:11:23well that's amazing
01:11:27it's our last day
01:11:31what are we gonna do
01:11:35well for stories could you guys take me home
01:11:37you've already missed like three periods
01:11:43why didn't you guys wake me up
01:11:51point to admin please report to the principal's office
01:11:57any of you know what's going on
01:12:01good luck
01:12:02yeah
01:12:11how's it going rich
01:12:13close the door have a seat
01:12:23i've been hearing some disturbing allegations concerning you
01:12:26no matter what anybody says
01:12:28i went to p.e. freshman year
01:12:30quinn
01:12:31students have told me
01:12:33you're attempting to reverse
01:12:35conversion therapy
01:12:36one of your classmates
01:12:38what no what does that even mean
01:12:42according to what i've heard you you took her to gay clubs things of that nature
01:12:48you have a responsibility as leader of our gay stray alliance a privilege which can be taken
01:12:55away due to inappropriate behavior
01:12:57well there was no inappropriate behavior
01:13:00these are serious allegations
01:13:03allegations
01:13:05do you know what that word means
01:13:08i discipline all my students equally
01:13:10i'm proud of it
01:13:12proud of what
01:13:13what part of pride do you get to claim exactly
01:13:17none of these kids were a part of anything before gsa and you want to take all that away in
01:13:21the name of discipline
01:13:22are you acquainted with olivia santina
01:13:32olivia
01:13:33the subject in question
01:13:40her
01:13:46many of her friends have expressed concerns regarding her
01:13:56okay
01:13:59you're free to go
01:14:04oh and quinn
01:14:08gsa
01:14:09has till tomorrow morning
01:14:23hey jake
01:14:24how's it hanging
01:14:27who are you
01:14:29cohen
01:14:29who
01:14:30you know your gay best friend cohen
01:14:32sorry who
01:14:34did you not read the emails
01:14:36oh my god
01:14:37i remember him
01:14:38him and his group of friends
01:14:39are so sad
01:14:40i put your name on the list
01:14:42i hope you're okay with that
01:14:43they
01:14:44excuse me
01:14:45my pronouns
01:14:46you know
01:14:46he goes to the store
01:14:47she goes to the store
01:14:49they go to the store
01:14:50why
01:14:51i don't know jake
01:14:51second wave queer theory i guess
01:14:55whatever dude
01:14:56oh my god
01:14:57i'm not allowed to call you that
01:14:58you know
01:14:59it may burden some people
01:15:00but for me it's
01:15:04so how'd you two meet
01:15:06hmm
01:15:06how'd you meet
01:15:08this is actually such a funny story
01:15:10we made out once
01:15:12yeah
01:15:12hilarious
01:15:17wow such a cute couple
01:15:19he is my dream man
01:15:21he is well
01:15:22he is a man
01:15:27you know i just remembered
01:15:28i have something i have to do
01:15:31thank you
01:15:39are you busy i could come back
01:15:41no i'm not busy
01:15:53anything you want to talk about
01:15:56not
01:15:56really
01:15:59i've just been falling apart
01:16:00sort of
01:16:02that doesn't sound like not really
01:16:08you're the person i'm supposed to talk to
01:16:10about
01:16:11this stuff
01:16:13right
01:16:15you're safe
01:16:16with me
01:16:30olivia
01:16:32what
01:16:35i just had this really weird conversation with mr hale
01:16:38did you hear what
01:16:40can you leave me alone
01:16:47i didn't do anything
01:16:48stop it
01:16:49i'm not
01:16:51i'm not gay
01:16:52okay
01:16:53but you said
01:16:55nothing
01:16:56i said nothing
01:16:59i said nothing
01:17:14all the time
01:17:15i do it
01:17:16all the time
01:17:17get into it
01:17:18get into it
01:17:19how's the plane
01:17:20you just go up
01:17:21and then you just go down
01:17:22yeah
01:17:22you just go on
01:17:24wait are we all quiet
01:17:29hey
01:17:30let's
01:17:30let's do this
01:17:32i knew you'd come around to starting a vlog channel
01:17:34what
01:17:35no
01:17:35no i
01:17:36no
01:17:36what
01:17:37i have no idea what you're talking about
01:17:39us
01:17:39let's like
01:17:40let's like to be a thing
01:17:41like a thing thing
01:17:43i think they mean a thing
01:17:45do
01:17:45hmm
01:17:46do you want to hang out
01:17:48sometime
01:17:49like
01:17:49like
01:17:50like a date
01:17:52i
01:17:52i would love that
01:17:54okay
01:17:55uh
01:17:55do you want to hang out later
01:17:57like
01:17:58hang out
01:17:59or like
01:18:00hang out
01:18:01whichever
01:18:03yeah
01:18:04i can hang out
01:18:05what i see
01:18:06are you just gonna stand there staring at each other
01:18:28what i see
01:18:35saying true
01:18:36you want to know everything the dyke did
01:18:37just
01:18:38everyone's been talking
01:18:39i've always been talking
01:18:42everyone
01:18:43you know i'll talk to everyone
01:18:54hey everyone
01:18:55what's up
01:18:56you know me
01:18:57i'm the dyke from your chemistry class
01:18:59the one who would look so much prettier with long hair
01:19:03who won't shut up
01:19:04and whose only safe space in the entire world is getting taken from them
01:19:09look i get it
01:19:10in two days once you're done humiliating me
01:19:13you'll go back to calling my friends the wrong pronouns
01:19:16you'll cut us out of your stories and you'll bully us out of your lives
01:19:20in two days my only safe space will disappear
01:19:25lucky for you you never had to care
01:19:29and you never will
01:19:42is something wrong
01:19:44what does it look like
01:19:46i know gay straight alliance may be any more
01:19:49it's not about gsa
01:19:49well
01:19:50it is
01:19:52but it's also just about this
01:19:55stupid stupid school
01:19:57you
01:19:58you want to step into my office
01:20:09what happened
01:20:10what happened
01:20:13i only care about four people
01:20:15in this entire school
01:20:18and i let them down
01:20:22how did you let them down
01:20:26i trusted someone i shouldn't have
01:20:31do you see yourself as a letdown
01:20:35i see myself walking out of here and
01:20:37never coming back
01:20:40is that the ending you want
01:20:42isn't this how it always ends
01:20:49oh
01:21:10oh
01:21:11that
01:21:17so
01:21:19fun fact time
01:21:22yeah
01:21:22um
01:21:25atoms travel everywhere
01:21:26you can never be far from anyone
01:21:30then aren't you never close to anyone
01:21:36well
01:21:36the point is that you have everything all at once
01:21:40what if you want something more specific
01:21:48anything specific you want to be close to
01:21:56caesar's good
01:22:03but i like where i am now
01:22:06is that okay
01:22:08yeah
01:22:11that's okay
01:22:17me too
01:22:32why are you so obsessed with this straight girl
01:22:37she's not
01:22:39okay well last time i checked
01:22:47quinn i just came out
01:22:49and i know that you have been out since the womb
01:22:51but for some of us
01:22:52this is a big deal
01:22:53and you're too wrapped up in miss hetero to even care
01:22:56and i know
01:22:57that we don't talk about real stuff that much
01:23:00but i just thought that you would make an exception for this
01:23:03i'm sorry
01:23:06and even if my mom
01:23:08is okay with it
01:23:09it just feels like there's this point
01:23:12when unconditional love suddenly becomes conditional
01:23:17and the world
01:23:18is just
01:23:19not
01:23:20that good
01:23:21at giving us a second to breathe
01:23:25hey
01:23:27i love you
01:23:29i love you too
01:23:32i love you
01:23:48what do you want
01:23:49i'm sorry that i said those things before
01:23:51i just wanted my friends to stop saying shit
01:23:54you weren't the one who said it
01:23:56no
01:23:56why would i
01:23:58why didn't you just say that
01:23:59i'm not that bold
01:24:02you know
01:24:03you can't just go around hurting people
01:24:06and expect forgiveness because you want it
01:24:09you have to do something to earn it
01:24:11i just want us to be okay
01:24:13things will go back to normal for you soon
01:24:15but i don't want normal
01:24:16but then prove it
01:24:18goodnight
01:24:31hello
01:24:42my work hours are over but
01:24:45you can come into my office
01:24:46tomorrow
01:24:48you can come into my office
01:24:53you can't?
01:24:55you can't?
01:24:57hmm
01:25:04okay
01:25:05do you want to tell me what's going on?
01:25:07all right
01:25:19you don't have to go into my office
01:25:20do you want to do that?
01:25:20do you want to get a phone call?
01:25:21do you want to take out a phone call?
01:25:28great
01:25:29thank you
01:25:32hello
01:25:36and then you're here
01:25:37Hey baby. You're up early. Is everything okay? Is your mom okay?
01:25:44Yeah, she will be. She's learning. But get ready. I gotta show you something.
01:25:52Yeah, yeah. Okay. Hurry.
01:26:14It's a personal pride parade. Did you do all this?
01:26:20It wasn't just me. Go talk to her.
01:26:24Or like baby or something like that. Precious?
01:26:28Don't push it.
01:26:30Um, boyfriend. I know that it's not really gender neutral.
01:26:36No, I like it. I like it too, Romeo.
01:26:42Okay, no one else can tell me that.
01:26:44You're next.
01:26:45Riesel?
01:26:48I'm so proud of you.
01:26:51You're what?
01:26:53I just wanted to let you know.
01:26:56I'm... proud of me too.
01:27:04So, when I said prove it?
01:27:06This is what I came up with.
01:27:09And one more thing.
01:27:18Now everyone will know.
01:27:21Um...
01:27:23That's...
01:27:25You're...
01:27:25You're...
01:27:26Wow.
01:27:27Um...
01:27:30Give me a second.
01:27:31Yeah.
01:27:33It's all for us.
01:27:35Until it doesn't take us, we try.
01:27:40But you know I think if we stick together, maybe we'll become each other's guide.
01:27:52And we'll be alright.
01:27:56Revolution lover.
01:27:59And we'll be alright.
01:28:02Revolution lover.
01:28:06You will be alright.
01:28:09Revolution lover.
01:28:12You will be alright.
01:28:16Revolution lover.
01:28:19You will be alright.
01:28:20You know I know that your hope's been missing.
01:28:23I know we both could've almost died.
01:28:26It's done because it's the same.
01:28:26I've had different subjects but that are different.
01:28:26There is no matter of it than it.
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