- 4 hours ago
A guided sensory reset for anyone who feel stressed out. Whether that's sensory sensitivity, sobriety, neurodivergence, or simply being a Black woman in a loud world. Zaakirah Muhammad takes the circle through her Soft Stories practice.
Category
🎈
FunTranscript
00:02Hello, hello, hello. Hi, everybody. Can you hear me clearly? Yes, okay. Well, who's been here before? Or is this
00:12your first time? Not to Essence Fest, but to the Talking Circle. Show of hands.
00:17For the most part, new people. I love it. Okay, well, welcome to the Talking Circle. It is the IRL,
00:27lived-in experience of Unbothered. Are folks familiar with Unbothered in the room? Okay.
00:34Okay, so Unbothered is sister brand to Essence, now sister brand to Essence. It's a part of Refinery29, and it
00:43has been a place where black women can come to hear the truth plainly, to laugh through our hardest moments,
00:49and has really been a big part of entertainment culture and uplifting black women to be seen, heard, and felt,
00:55especially millennials, Gen Z.
00:58I just joined the company back in February. My name's Erica Chitty. I'm now the SVP of brand and editorial
01:05content. Thank you. Thank you very much.
01:09And I have spent most of my life in women's health. I was a full-spectrum doula and educator for
01:16about 15 years, writer. I founded a tech company that focused on women's health information.
01:21And I like to say that what I'm passionate about is helping women tell the stories of their bodies to
01:27themselves, to each other, because if we can't do that, we can't take care of ourselves for the long haul,
01:34right?
01:34Like, we need each other. And so this space is kind of my baby. I love bringing women together in
01:42circle environments to be able to talk, to see each other.
01:46And that's not something we really do that often. I mean, when's the last time you were in a circle
01:49having a conversation like this?
01:53Kindergarten, probably, actually, which is, for some of us, the best time of our life, really, because all you get
02:00to do is just sit, observe, and absorb.
02:03So what I love about this space is a couple of things. So unlike the rest of the other parts
02:07of festival, there's no stage, there's no panel, there's no speakers.
02:12We're not using any of that terminology in this space. What we have is keepers, and I will be one
02:17of, I'll be your keeper today.
02:19And as a keeper, I'm here to make sure that things flow, that you feel taken care of, that you
02:24feel safe.
02:24If someone needs a tissue, I'm going to go get a tissue. I will pass you the mic when it's
02:29time for you to share or if you need to share.
02:31And then we have anchors. And Zakiya is going to be one of our anchors today.
02:35And our anchors are who root the conversation in their wisdom and hopefully help bring forward the collective wisdom in
02:43the room.
02:44So keeper, anchor, and then the circle, all of you.
02:47So we really want to hear from you as the conversation unfolds.
02:50This is a very much a flowing, open, give and receive space.
02:56Sound good? Cool.
02:58So before we start, I always open, or we always open the circle with something we call a clearing.
03:04It's just a way to kind of like seal the energy in the room and really drop us into the
03:08moment.
03:09So if you would be so kind as to.
03:38That was beautiful. Thank you.
03:39I'm going to hand it over to our anchor, Zakiya, to take you through a really beautiful conversation and a
03:45beautiful practice, actually.
03:47I'll take it over to you.
06:09okay now can you hear me perfect all right we have to pivot sometimes we have to do that in
06:14life all right so before we get started how many of you are familiar with who I am just a
06:23little
06:23bit just a little bit no problem so we're gonna start with that I'm gonna let you know my story
06:27and the purpose of this session is to guide you to relax unwind can we got all kinds of senses
06:34being used today hearing vision touch and then I'm gonna let you know who I am so I am Zakira
06:41my name
06:42is Arabic for the afterlife and when I was nine months old I had surgery in my right eye to
06:49remove
06:50the cancer that I've been a childhood eye cancer survivor since I was nine months old and just
06:56taking that in it's kind of like wow I can't even imagine right so growing up we still have to
07:03prioritize mental health how are we gonna understand that we're different we're building uniquely different
07:09and how do you manage your mental health through that way right as a result of the cancer treatment
07:16I did lose my hearing which is why we're trying to make sure that I can hear you okay so
07:21this same
07:21thing that I can hear you okay so I became passionate about making sure that we have
07:41the sensory resetting because I already am using two less of them right but how do we do that in
07:50a
07:50regular world where we have to put on our superwoman cape all the time how do we do that how
07:58do we
07:58remember to make sure that we are inhaling which you without trying to come around and say while we were
08:03dealing with the pivot just make sure you're inhaling and exhale we tend to forget to do that we tend
08:09to
08:09have our jaws clenched right if your jaw clenched right now you have to remember to just open up
08:17the jaw open up your heart open up your throat to be able to relax because we're all going through
08:25something every single one of us have something going on just because I survived cancer doesn't make me any
08:30different from you so I'm now in my 30s and now I kind of take that practice with me almost
08:40around the
08:40world right so I use travel as a way to reset my centuries coming here how many of you are
08:47not from
08:48knowledge there we go so coming here kind of sort of that reset for you too right that vacation to
08:55kind of be
08:56around your people that's also important as well as well to make sure that you always keep that in
09:00mind keep in mind to breathe keep in mind to unclench your jaws we're also going to remember to go
09:07back to
09:07our inner child sometimes we forget about her we forget about them right so my inner child always comes out
09:17when it's travel when it's all things creative and when it's all things music I look forward to going
09:26to the concerts right that's fun sometimes but when's the last time you actually drew something not just
09:34because you have to draw something to show somebody at work like this is what I'm talking about but when's
09:39the last time you actually do something because that's what you like to do when's the last time you
09:44actually took a walk because you like fitness not because you want to look over the ground when the
09:52last time you actually took a walk because you actually like to walk and be in nature or be at
09:57the
09:57gym because that is a part of your inner joy when is the last time you actually created something not
10:08because of work but because that's what you actually like to do so that's what this this guide is going
10:14to be about we only have a few minutes but this is the purpose is to spark joy we spark
10:19the joy in
10:20your inner child okay I have a couple of questions I'm gonna go back to my phone really quick
10:29so I want this to be like a regular conversation of when is the last time someone asked you how
10:36you
10:36were and you didn't say oh I still do that I'll be honest I still do that because sometimes we
10:44don't
10:44know if we have a safe space right when's the last time you had a safe space to really say
10:50I'm not okay
10:54that one I let you think about that one I let you think about the next question is when's the
11:02last time
11:04you actually felt like you belong aside from here not here we I know we belong here but when's the
11:12last time you already felt like you belong so that one I will have you raise your hand and feel
11:17if you
11:18feel called to share and then to give you some examples I belong when I'm also with other people who
11:25have eye cancer like me I feel like I belong when I am also in an African country I feel
11:33like I belong
11:34when I am at a conference that has all things creative so feel free to share if you don't have
11:45to say
11:45anything about who you are but where during the last time you felt like you belong I'm gonna bring the
11:53microphone to you so I can hear you if you want to share do you want to
12:02I always feel like I belong I teach and I teach mental health counseling and so I always feel like
12:08I belong
12:08when we get into a group a focus group of understanding and dealing with what's happening with them now
12:14but more importantly how they can go out and help the next person I feel like I belong
12:22beautiful who else
12:27ah we got some locked up cages over here I see all right let me see all right so what
12:35helps you to
12:36thrive not survive thrive so I've already said I've survived too many things to count and that's not even
12:43half of it right we've all dealt with a lot of loss this year no matter what it looks like
12:48right but
12:49what would you say helps you to thrive sometimes we have to find those little pockets of where we are
12:56in our zone of genius if you will so when we're thriving we're not fighting our other sensory because we
13:02have to have to hide things right so where do you feel like you thrive anyone over here
13:17I thrive in the gym in the pool swimming and meditation
13:27I thrive when I'm in my life purpose and on my assignment and I believe your purpose is to be
13:35yourself and to be a lot of it and what that means is you've been yourself since you were a
13:41child think
13:42about what you did when you were little that you still do what natural talents you have with natural
13:48gifts um your personality and your life purpose is to be that and your assignment is the gifts um
13:57what you've been doing since you were a child is and you combine those things and you will get joy
14:04from
14:04it if you're not on your assignment it can lead to depression um stagnation so focus on those things
14:11things and you'll thrive
14:19so I thrive when I am able to just flow and be with my natural rhythms so a few years
14:27ago I stopped
14:28waking up to an alarm I just started allowing my body to just freely wake up um doing like if
14:37I have
14:37something scheduled but then I no longer feel like doing that scheduled thing it's okay to just say
14:43I don't want to do that anymore or if I want to change the plan and I want to do
14:47something different
14:47like so me for me I thrive when I'm just allowed to just be and just flow
14:59um I would say I thrive there are certain things that I decided you know as I went through life
15:06and
15:06there are obviously certain stressors as you're trying to build career and that type of thing um and when
15:13I really wanted to see what I could do for me when I when I decided to uh focus on
15:22my own life and what
15:24made me happy and not being able to do those every day I realized was okay but on the times
15:32that I can do
15:33so to do it and enjoy it to the extent that I could and that made my whole outlook on
15:40everything else change
15:42and I feel like I thrive in that way because life is there and there are things that we have
15:48to do
15:48every day um but when we can take a moment however often that can be to to be in our
15:56space and do what
15:57we can for our own bodies that's that's the epitome for me and that helps me to flow
16:04I love that we got a couple over here
16:10I feel like I thrive most when I'm able to be creative um when I'm able to help others and
16:18most
16:18recently I've learned that um to stop playing the comparison game between myself and other
16:24people has kind of released me from wanting to be like other people and be the person and the woman
16:31that God has called me to be
16:37similarly I think that I found my inner
16:40what a closer to your face I'm sorry um it's okay to say no
16:45it's okay to be forgiven for a past and find an inner peace within myself um as being a mother
16:53a wife
16:54a daughter a sister often I felt like I couldn't say no and I had to depend other people depended
17:02on
17:02me to say yes so now I'm finding that inner peace to say no and just go with the flow
17:09as the young
17:09lady said up front I'm loving it I'm loving the interwining of your senses right you're going with
17:17the flow and you're also saying no and you're also using that to calm your inner child right because
17:26think about it if you have nieces nephews if you have children they're at that age where they will
17:33tell you no we got to go back to that inner child right not say it like that obviously we
17:40have more words
17:41and terminology to say that but a lot of times that's what stirs up our nervous system we want to
17:50so deeply be loved that we interrupt our nervous system for those who are not in that environment
17:59that allows us to thrive right so that also helps those who have invisible disabilities too sometimes we
18:07have to be more empathetic to those with invisible disabilities sometimes they have to learn how to
18:14be able to say no but also they have to learn how to be able to ask for what they
18:18need when's the last
18:19time you actually asked someone for what you need help with that's a tough question i see that so let
18:33me
18:33rephrase it this way let me find a different question for you okay think about when you were your inner
18:46child
18:47your inner child that i keep referring to is before any traumas any bills any responsibilities typically the
18:55ages of 7 to 13. what did you have to learn about who the world wanted you to be not
19:05who your inner child
19:07was right if they asked you what do you want to be when you grow up what was that who
19:13were you before
19:14the world told you where you had to be hi ladies um for me it's been my strength like i've
19:30always had a
19:31very strong personality and i find that like even since childhood people have told me i needed to be less
19:42that i needed to be not so blunt not so honest not so direct um not so forceful that i
19:51needed to step
19:52back but that's not who i am and when i'm not that person i don't like the questions were i
20:01don't
20:01thrive i'm not comfortable in who i am because i'm trying to be something that i'm not like that's
20:08i'm not docile i'm not quiet i'm not i'm big and loud and truthful that's who i am you know
20:20beautiful and i love it that she had it with confidence who else
20:27so this also kind of helps answer a previous question too uh where do we thrive so before
20:34most of my trauma was somebody who was just very unapologetic about who they are were saying no
20:41to things we don't want to do like i love taking pictures but as a kid there's pictures of me
20:45just
20:45like visibly showing i did not want to be photographed as well which is something that has changed over
20:52time especially with being autistic um as well as somebody who you know we don't want to be somewhere
20:59we're not going so just a lot more vocal and i think up front with what's best for me
21:10who else
21:14good good so i want you to take that with you as you enjoy the rest of your day today
21:21let me know how
21:23much more time we have i have no idea why we're doing on time okay perfect so also i want
21:30you to
21:31think about how you can okay we've talked about our senses right how you can see here calm down your
21:38nervous system touch okay how many of you know your love languages you already know your love languages
21:46languages some of you don't know what that means okay so love languages also involve your senses too
21:53if you love hugs you openly receive the hugs or you say people know if you don't want to receive
22:01a hug
22:02or you need to be reminded that you are loud and beautiful and confident and intelligent
22:08and you need to ask for that or you need to
22:17just be quiet like say somebody to stay with you quietly spend that quality time quietly they don't
22:23have to try to force a conversation with you they can just be there quietly
22:30or you like someone to do things for you maybe you're a creator and you want to take more pictures
22:36but
22:36you don't know how to so you got to ask someone to take it for you
22:42so think about those things as well when you're intertwining your senses
22:49because these are all very small things to reset your senses right that's what we're talking about
22:54for sensory reset it's not just about the affirmation the meditation the calm lighting the music
23:04but you're also very busy doing things for everybody else that you need to use simple things even if
23:12it takes 15 minutes to bring back your inner child yeah so now we all also like to do things
23:22for other
23:22people because that's that's what makes the world go around right so i'm gonna bring it back to
23:30the disability side a little bit because that's where i thrive that's where i bring joy that's
23:35what i have so much fun talking about so if you know people who have low vision raise your hand
23:44low or no vision okay what about people who cannot hear that well like you just met someone today but
23:52okay good what about people who need more time to think about what they're saying neurodivergence
24:00okay good and what about people who cannot walk
24:07good good you're probably asking why am i asking you this right part of also um
24:15sensory is also being empathetic to others as well you want people to be more empathetic to you
24:20you want people to accept your no but also let's try to intertwine that for those who have disabilities
24:27i know it's not a safe world out there now where you can always ask someone for help and at
24:34the same
24:34time people with disabilities don't feel safe either so it's kind of like how do you really find that
24:42pathway right to kind of make sure that when you're um being empathetic to others that you're empathetic to
24:48yourself as well yeah okay let's find another question for you
25:02okay what is a story that you have not shared publicly yet you look at your favorite
25:11oprah winfrey michelle obama they tell this story that really resonates and you're like i wish i wish
25:19i wish i thought my mind right what is that story that is bubbling up within you that if you
25:28feel safe
25:28to share this is the the doorway to open to do that i'll start so there's a lot of grief
25:44happening
25:45so we've all experienced a lot of loss right but also what happens is one of my
25:53places where i thrive is having a very very strong intuition and sometimes your intuition can be so
25:59strong that you don't know who to tell or what to do with it right so one of my superpowers
26:07is
26:10knowing that someone is about to pass away yeah but not many people handle death well and i can
26:20understand that because it's you're literally entering a different realm right how do you
26:27tell people that you actually understand what's about to happen because you got visions that no one
26:34else can get right so i'm slowly but surely into one and not into my storytelling of like
26:40i see something before it's actually gonna happen i know you may not trust me you may not believe me
26:46there's too many scams out there but that's one of my stories your turn
27:01so for me i'm i am on the verge of retirement my whole life i've been taking care of other
27:08people
27:09oldest of five kids um and been a caregiver just my entire life and so i'm at a point in
27:18stage now
27:19where you know is it so wrong for me to want for me to be able to go and travel
27:25and do and not
27:27be fearful that when i retire my requirement is now to take care of
27:32the folks in my family siblings parent you know my mother you know to be able to and i don't
27:39want to
27:39not care for her but i've been doing this my entire life when is it my turn
27:44you know and i have not shared that with others it's it's a fear
27:54thank you how many more minutes we got now
28:00wonderful okay all right so before we close out um i did have a postcard um that you may have
28:12seen
28:12and then you're welcome to pick it up as well so these are just prompts that i've showed you today
28:20of how you can reset your sensory right so remember prioritize your inner child be empathetic to others
28:33and i want you to ask yourself what you are going to do going forward to
28:39see your life through a different lens
28:44you can say it out loud to you if you want to we got room for maybe one or two
28:48more
28:48after this session how are you going to see your life through a different lens
28:55anyone know one word three words you still thinking about it that's good that's the point i want you to
29:03keep thinking right let's um go inward in order to go outward remember to keep breathing
29:09keep choosing you and keep being empathetic to others
29:17thank you so much secure and before we end it off we want to close the circle so
29:23the same way we open up the circle we're all going to just rub our hands together rub it really
29:28quickly
29:30and i'm going to count to three and on three we're just going to do one clap one two three
29:38thank you guys so much and thank you for sharing your stories thank you zakira this session was amazing
29:44so
29:44you
29:47you
29:47you
29:47you
29:47you
29:47you
29:47you
29:47you
Comments